


The Only Good Thing Left in The World Part II

by heroes_never_die



Series: The Last Good Thing in The World [1]
Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Apocalypse, Attempted Murder, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Child Neglect, Clickers (The Last Of Us), Coming Out, Cute, Danger, Dark, Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us) Bonding, Ellie (The Last of Us) Angst, Ellie (The Last of Us) Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, Family Bonding, Father Figures, Fluff, Game: The Last Of Us: Left Behind, Game: The Last of Us Part II, Gay Ellie (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Homophobic Language, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Infected Characters, Joel (The Last of Us) Lives, Mentioned Joel (The Last of Us), Mild Hurt/Comfort, Murder, Not Canon Compliant - The Last of Us: Left Behind, Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Pedophilia, Protective Joel (The Last of Us), References to Depression, References to Drugs, Runners, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Softie Joel (The Last of Us), Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Stalkers (The Last Of Us), Supportive Ellie Miller (Broadchurch), The Last Of Us: Left Behind Spoilers, The Last of Us Spoilers, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:00:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 27
Words: 168,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27406969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heroes_never_die/pseuds/heroes_never_die
Summary: Joel and Ellie made it to Jackson; they survived... for now. Will Ellie find out Joel's massive lie? Will their luck continue, or will it finally run out?
Relationships: Anna/Joel (The Last of Us), Dina & Joel (The Last of Us), Dina & Tommy (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie/Jesse (The Last of Us), Ellie & Jesse (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie & Riley (The Last of Us), Ellie & Tommy (The Last of Us), Ellie (The Last Of Us)/Undisclosed, Ellie (The Last of Us)/Original Character(s), Ellie (The Last of Us)/Original Male Character(s), Ellie/Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie/Kat (The Last of Us), Ellie/Riley (The Last of Us), Ellie/Tommy (The Last of Us), Joel & Maria (The Last of Us), Joel & Sarah (The Last of Us), Joel & Tommy (The Last of Us), Joel (The Last of Us)/Original Character(s), Joel (The Last of Us)/Original Female Character(s), Joel (The Last of Us)/Other(s), Joel/Tess (The Last of Us), Joel/Tommy (The Last of Us), Maria/Tommy (The Last of Us)
Series: The Last Good Thing in The World [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002291
Comments: 95
Kudos: 73
Collections: The Last of Us





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> HI EVERYONE! for anyone new here, GO READ THE FIRST PART! there will be references to past chapters and things in there, and it'll sound like i was on crack if you don't read the first one. for anyone who read the last part, welcome! this is the second "season" of the last good thing in the world part 1, and then maybe i'll do a part three and a part two where joel survives or something in the universe that this one takes place in. thanks to everyone who is here to read part two and it'll be pretty much like the last season. requests are now open since i've written the first couple chapters of this season already. be prepared for a lot of bad jokes, and most importantly, enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Joel finally arrive at Jackson... but Ellie's still mourning the loss of the vaccine while Joel's guilt chips away at him.

“Hands up!” Joel and Ellie obliged, raising their hands and looking to the fence. They’d arrived at Jackson… their journey was over. Ellie was lost in her mind, barely able to think right. Joel stood in front of her, his face grim. “What’s your business here?” There were two guards on the fence, both of them aiming their rifles towards the duo. Joel stood in front of Ellie, blocking her off. 

“We’re here to see Tommy, I’m his brother.” Joel called back, looking up at the woman only to raise his eyes in surprise. “Maria?” Joel asked, recognizing the woman’s striking blonde hair. Maria suddenly realized it was Joel and dropped her gun, murmuring orders to the guards. 

“Oh, my God, Joel?! Open the gates!” Maria called, stepping down from the guard posts. The looming gates opened and revealed the massive town of Jackson. Maria and Tommy both stood on the other side, massive grins on their faces. Tommy quickly approached Joel taking him in a hug. Maria went to hug Ellie as well but the young girl awkwardly rejected the woman’s touch, still not able to accept any physical contact beyond Joel’s.  
“You two fucking survived.” Tommy let out a chuckle, looking from Joel to Ellie. They looked… well, Joel looked alright, for the most part. But Ellie looked drained. Tommy could see her eyes were puffy and her shirt was slightly bloody. Her eyes were staring down at the ground and her body seemed to be full of anxiety and exhaustion. “Hey, Ellie.” He greeted her, waving at her awkwardly. She looked up for a second, trying to smile. 

“Hey.” She replied, meeting Tommy’s eyes for a second and then looking back down. 

“So, uh… reckon we can talk inside?” Joel asked, seeing Tommy’s confusion at Ellie’s persona. In the fall, she’d been a bright personality, talking with everyone that came into view. But now, she was much quieter and more tense. Something was weighing her down, making her look down at the ground in a withdrawn state. 

“Yeah, sure thing.” Tommy nodded, leading both of them inside and having the guards close the gate behind them. When the pair walked in the gates, it immediately felt… odd. It felt like they were _safe._ The feeling of safety hadn’t been an occurrence in either of their lives for years. Ellie looked up for the first time, taking in the sight of the town around them. It was teeming with life. Dogs and children ran around giggling while adults walked around, tending to their daily tasks and doing their work. From the corner of her eye, she saw a large school and looked away. 

She didn’t want to do this right now… the whole _introduction_ thing. Ellie didn’t want to hide behind a fake smile, she just wanted to grieve over the failed attempt at a vaccine and get sleep for the first time in a week. The blood that was on her hands became suddenly visible instead of hanging in the back of her mind and she sighed, standing behind Joel as Tommy and Maria talked to him, trying to ignore Ellie’s silence. “Hey, Ellie.” Joel shook her slightly, looking to her then gesturing to Tommy. “Tommy’s askin’ ya something.” 

Ellie nodded, looking up at Tommy, who seemed to be talking about school. “Well, we got a school here. Kids your age, maybe some friends?” Ellie nodded, but really that sounded like the last thing she’d want maybe ever. Going to school was too… it was too soon to do that again. Not to mention, it wasn’t like she needed any of the information or the judgmental stares from other kids. Especially if none of these kids had ever had to live outside the walls before. Clickers or runners were probably a fairy tale to them. They all had their perfect little lives, breeding and living in safety… Ellie hadn’t been allowed that. And she wasn’t going to pretend to have it now. 

“Yeah, okay.” Ellie nodded, looking up to Joel. He squeezed her hand, comforting her as Maria started droning on about the rules of the town. Ellie wasn’t really listening, but she guessed the main rules. _Just don’t kill anyone and you’ll be fine._ Ellie summarized the speech Maria performed, not allowing herself to have any interest. She just didn’t want to be around people right now. 

“Well, we’ve been saving one for you two. Been pretty hard, since it’s in decent condition.” Ellie looked up as they approached a medium sized green house. On the shielding, vines had begun to grow but were subtle due to the matching color of the house. “Well, uh… here we are.” The introduction was brief. Joel could tell that Tommy and Maria had dozens of questions, most of them most likely regarding Ellie. He just couldn’t talk about anything with her right there… she wasn’t in a good state, and he didn’t want her to have to relive those memories again. 

For the ten minutes that Tommy and Maria were talking to Joel outside the house, Ellie simply remained quiet, latched onto Joel’s hand and standing beside him. Birds flew above her and from the corner of her eye she could see a stable not too far away. She looked at it, noticing a field of horses moving in and out of the building in the somewhat warm spring night. “Well, it’s getting late, so we’ll let you guys get settled in. Tommy can give you the ‘grand tour’ tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, we’re… uh, we’re pretty tired.” Joel chuckled, looking down at Ellie once again. Maria and Tommy nodded, talking for a little bit before retreating off, seeing that the pair wasn’t in the best mindspace for all the sappy introductions and tours in the current moment. Joel bended down to Ellie, nudging her slightly. “Hey, ya wanna check it out?” Joel smiled slightly, seeing Ellie snap out of her mind and suddenly smirk, remembering their conversation so long ago. 

_“Well, I figured… once we’re done with all of this, we’ll go back to Jackson, right?” Joel nodded, placing Ellie’s bag down as it was starting to get heavy. It was slowly transitioning into noon and the air became warmer around them. It was a small shop, one floor; two rooms. Still, the small structure was enough to make Ellie smile like she never had before… and that was enough to make Joel happy for life._

_“Yeah, reckon that’s the plan if that’s what you wanna do.” Joel nodded, thinking of actually being able to return to Tommy… they’d be able to be brothers again. It’d almost be able to return to how it’d been twenty years ago… Tommy could be like an uncle to Ellie, just in case Joel ever… no, Joel had to stick around. For Ellie’s sake._ You ain’t getting rid of me, kiddo. 

_“So, I’m going to have a cool-ass room… just a room with posters and shit in it.”_

“Fuck yeah.” Ellie replied quietly, walking up the stone path into the house. Joel twisted the doorknob open, letting Ellie quickly walk inside and look around at what was now going to be their home. Joel smirked, seeing her excitement. A small level of her somberness still hung over her but she desperately wanted to forget everything for just a minute, so she did. “This place is fucking giant.” Ellie laughed, quickly running from the main room to the large staircase, pounding up the steps. 

Joel smirked, looking around with a deep sigh. There was a medium sized living room with a television and a couch laid ahead of it. A warm area rug was at the bottom of nearly every room, something that would come in handy during the winter, no doubt. There seemed to be working heaters in each room. Joel had nearly forgotten what heat felt like and he brushed the dust off of the heaters, cherishing Ellie’s footsteps above him. 

He tried to forget what had occurred not a couple hours earlier and sighed, running his hand through his hair. _I almost lost her._ Ellie seemed actually excited to be in Jackson, which was shocking considering her state of depression moments ago. Her mind was trying to distract her, in a sort of defense reaction. “Hey, Joel!” Ellie called from upstairs, her voice muffled through the floor. 

Joel crossed the steps, seeing Joel stand in front of two rooms. One looked like it used to be a little girl’s room, while the other was a master bedroom. “What do you think, this’ll be big enough for all my posters?” Ellie asked softly, part of her sadness still lingering in her voice. Joel smirked, remembering the posters that Ellie had concealed in her bag. 

The room was a medium size with a scale of gray painted across the walls. There was one window, it’s screen blowing warm air into the room. A fuzzy white carpet was on the ground, meeting Ellie’s toes. She’d already taken her shoes and socks off. The house was remarkably clean. It’s floor was almost spotless and the walls were rather clean for the apocalypse. “Maybe… you got a lot of them.” 

Ellie smiled, dropping her bag in front of her bed and collapsing on the bed, her exhaustion simmering in. “God, an actual fucking bed.” Ellie groaned, shutting her eyes and seeing the fireflies in her vision. She frowned, keeping her eyes shut. 

Joel frowned, crossing the room and kneeling in front of Ellie’s face. “Hey… we’re gonna do this together, okay?” Joel asked, taking her hand. Ellie opened her eyes, frowning and sitting up. She met Joel’s eyes, once again searching for any trace of a lie. 

“I know… it just… it fucking sucks.” Ellie whispered, her voice haled and pained. She was riding on the vaccine working. Deep down, she knew all along it wasn’t going to work. It would’ve been too easy, and easy wasn’t a consistent theme in her life. “I thought it was going to fucking work.” Ellie gritted her teeth, squeezing her nails into her fists and shaking them, looking up at Joel with tears spilling down her cheeks. 

“I know… but, guess what you get now?” Joel asked her, a small smile on his lips. Ellie looked up, wiping his tears and awaiting his answer. “We got us a bathroom… wanna try a warm bath?” Joel asked, wiping her tears and looking into her eyes. Ellie let out a pained snicker and nodded, hugging Joel. Joel sighed, letting her gently weep into his shoulder. He squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing her back and savoring the feeling of her in his arms. He almost had that taken away from him… it was a miracle that they got out of that goddamn hospital, one he very graciously accepted. 

Even if Joel did lie to her… he loved her. A love that she was willing to accept. She knew that he had to have a good reason to do whatever he did… so she tried to forgive him, even if it would take time. But being mad at him didn’t mean hating him. She needed him now more than ever with the failure of the vaccine. She needed a shoulder to cry on and someone who cared about her. “I know, it’s okay.” Joel whispered, rubbing her back until her cries slowly retreated, letting her look up and meet his eyes. “Wanna try that bath out?” 

Ellie smiled for a second and nodded sheepishly, letting Joel help her up and bring her towards the bathroom. He placed her on the large window-sill in the bathroom and moved to the bath, cranking the switch on. Ellie’s eyebrows shot up as water poured out and she smiled at the thought. _We’re safe now._ They had made it. They were back to one of the -probably- safest areas in the country. Joel used to talk to her about different quarantine zones and sanctuaries that he and Tommy had looked for in the beginning of all of it, telling how none of them had survived more than a few months or years. “That’s a nice change.”

Joel chuckled, turning the crank and making the water warmer. “Wait ‘till you see what a microwave is, kiddo.” Joel smiled, feeling the water warm. He walked to one of the many cabinets in front of a grand mirror that hung on the wall. He opened it and took out a towel that looked somewhat clean. Joel placed the towel on the counter and made sure the water was warm one last time. “Alright. Tell me when you’re all done, okay? Reckon I need a bath, too.”  
“Oh, trust me, you do.” Ellie smiled, feeling Joel mussel her hair playfully. He left the room, closing the door behind him. Ellie was alone. 

She let her mask slip and took a deep sigh, closing her eyes and stripping her clothes off of her. The curtains of the window were drawn and the lights above her slightly lit up the bathroom. It was weird to see actual electricity and warm water. Ellie looked in the mirror, seeing the scars that she’d inherited from the trip on her body. 

Her hand bristled the scar on her abdomen, remembering the bloater attack. They then moved to her ribs and she squeezed her eyes shut when she remembered the things David had done to her with his perverse gaze. Finally, they moved down to her arm, staring at the bite. She gritted her teeth, glaring at the disgusting mark on her skin. Ellie wished she could just rip it out and be done with the damn thing. It served _no_ good. All of the scars she’d collected, all of the trauma that clung to her was for absolutely _nothing._ Still, she was grateful for the trip. Because of the trip, she now had Joel. And that made all of it worth it, no matter how much pain both of them endured. 

_Okay._ She thought, slowly dipping her leg into the warm water. It felt blissful and she soon dipped the rest of her body in, sitting in the water with her knees held by her hands in the hot, steamy water. Ellie smiled but rested her chin on her knees, taking in everything that had happened over the past day. They found the fireflies… and then Joel took her away before she could wake up. They must’ve been trying to hurt her… that was the only reason Joel would have pulled her out. 

He knew how much it meant to her, he knew that she thought of it as her purpose to live… so it must’ve been something bad if he pulled her out of there. Elie shut her eyes and leaned her head against the wall of the bathroom, thinking back to David. She looked at her torso with pain and cringed remembering his face and his disgusting words. “ _Run, little rabbit, run.”_ She forced the memories out of her brain and tried to just savor the bath, rubbing the warmth on her arms.  
She then dunked herself under the water, now completely submerged in it. She thought back to the last thing she remembered before she woke up and that _fucking_ bus. Maybe if she didn’t jump to save Joel, she could’ve found out what exactly the fireflies intended to do with her. She knew how Marlene thought, which put doubt in her mind of the fireflies’s good morales… _“You can’t always save everyone, and you’re just going to have to learn to deal with that.”_ That was something she’d heard Marlene say over and over to her, almost treating it like a lullaby. _She would’ve done_ anything _to make a fucking vaccine… So what was she going to do?_

Eventually, Ellie was running out of air and she resurfaced, making a small gasp of air. With that, she shot herself out of the tub, rejecting the idea of Marlene’s betrayal. It was sad to say that she was the only parental figure she’d had before Joel, and she couldn’t come to terms with the idea of Marlene stabbing her in the back. Ellie quickly grabbed the towel and wrapped it around her, retreating into the room she’d placed her bag in and deemed hers. 

Joel and Ellie both knew they’d be sleeping in the same bed, most likely for the majority of their time in Jackson. It comforted both of them to feel each other’s touch and be _right_ next to the other. It really helped right after Winter, or whenever Joel was remembering Sarah. 

Eventually, she heard someone clamoring up the stairs, seeing the open door of the bathroom. Ellie slowly clothed herself with a hoodie and leggings she’d found in the drawers of the room. The hoodie was a little too big, but it was warm and clean, something she hadn’t had in ages. “Hey, you good?” Joel knocked on the door, slowly opening it after she responded with a small ‘yes.’ He opened it and saw her unpacking her bags, but mostly her posters. Joel cracked a smile when he saw her struggling to put it up on the ceiling due to her height. “Need some help?” 

“I can hear you smirking, old man.” She pouted, but accepted the help. She handed it to him and the two thumb-tacks she was going to use to pin it in the wall. Joel stood up, hanging it above her bed and looking down to her. She smiled up at it and crossed her arms, unpacking more. After Joel was done, Ellie and him sat down on the bed. It was around seven, and though that was very early, both of them were absolutely exhausted. Ellie’s crying had made her extremely tired and she felt sleep wearing her down slowly. 

“So, uh… Tommy was talkin’ to me about school…” Ellie looked up at him, rolling her eyes and shaking her head, laying down on the bed. “Maybe it’d be good for ya, Ellie… meet kids your age, make some friends?” 

“Do you think any of my friends will have killed people? Do you think any of them have even seen any Infected before? Been there, done that. I’m done with privileged assholes, I’ve had my fill.” Joel smiled for a second and took Ellie’s hand, rubbing it gently. “Plus, I… it’s too soon. I don’t want to go back.” 

“No one’s gonna force you, but I really think it could be good for you, baby girl.” Ellie sighed, shutting her eyes. _He just wants the best for me… how bad could it be? It could be very bad, Ellie, maybe even worse than the QZ._ She corrected herself and looked to Joel. His face was still tense and had a foriegn component to her, something that unsettled her and raised her suspicion once again. 

“Back in the QZ… that school… we learned to kill in there. I did fucking things… things to fireflies, that… I shouldn’t have done.” Ellie whispered, shutting her eyes and remembering what Riley and she had been forced to do. Joel frowned, squeezing her hand. “But, if… if you really want me to, I’ll try.” Ellie knew she’d regret the decision later on, but Joel knew what was best for her, she knew that… it had to be the reason she’d woken up in that car and not the hospital. She _trusted him._ Even after his lie… she trusted him. 

“Okay… if you really hate it, you don’t have to go back after tomorrow.” 

“So, does dearest brother have you doing any chores already?” Ellie asked, trying to change the topic of the conversation. Joel chuckled, nodding his head. 

“Yeah, uh… got patrol tomorrow. Tommy wants to show me around, get me familiar with the place. Reckon after we can take a little tour of the place together?” Ellie nodded, leaning into Joel’s lap with a sigh. Joel brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and hugged her, letting her close her eyes and lay in his lap. “Okay… try and get some sleep, kiddo… reckon we both need it.”  
Ellie fell asleep, quickly letting out muted snores. Joel smiled down at her, taking her from his lap and slipping her under the blankets, tucking her in. Fear was still living in his heart. His brain was almost tricked into thinking that all of this was a dream. He knew that Ellie suspected something of him, but all of the excitement from getting to Jackson temporarily distracted her… temporarily. He sighed, walking through the house and familiarizing himself with it before he would soon go to sleep beside Ellie. The kitchen was rather large. Tommy was right, this was a nice house. It was even bigger than the one they’d had before the outbreak. Joel rubbed the watch on his wrist, cursing under his breath. 

He’d almost lost another daughter… his nerves were recovering from the fire that had been burst upon them hours ago. Ellie was so heartbroken… and it was his fault. It’d take time for her to recover, he knew that. It was all his fault, he knew that as well. But she was alive… and he prided himself with that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! requests are open again! next chapter i was thinking of having ellie trying to go to school after everything she's been through and dealing with the other kids again if that's something you guys would want? i hope you guys enjoyed this first part of this chapter :D there should be an update in 1-2 days and, uh yeah! comments and kudos are always very appreciated :D


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel and Ellie try to equate to living in a safe space, though both of them feel off about it; Ellie suspects Joel of lying to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoy this chapter! kinda trying to set up ellie getting back to a normal life after everything she's done/seen, and joel trying to help her. anyway, enjoy!

“Okay… you can leave if you want to, aight?” Joel asked her, looking her in the eyes. It was eight in the morning, something Ellie wasn’t really used to. She was being sent off to school like a lamb to the slaughter. Ellie still was in a bad mood from the previous day. A sense of failure hung over her and Joel sighed, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. Joel suddenly frowned, turning her around and taking the pistol she’d forgotten to remove from her back pocket. “This can stay here, okay?”  
Ellie wanted to complain and she groaned, looking to Joel. “But what if something happens?” She asked, to which Joel shook his head, meeting her eyes. Even though they were in Jackson, she still wasn’t going to feel safe without Joel right by here. Maria was supposedly going to walk her to school, which she didn’t like either. Maria was a little pushy and kind of gave Ellie an odd feeling, but Joel said it’d be okay. 

“Nothing’s going to happen.” Joel assured her, kissing the top of her forehead. He put his hand out, asking her to give him his knife as well. Ellie shook her head at that, keeping her knife right in her pocket, visible to everyone as a warning not to bother her. She just wanted to get through the day and return home. Ellie wasn’t looking to make any friends. 

“No, I’m keeping my knife.” Ellie firmly said, still holding a layer of paranoia on her from winter. She didn’t really like being near any men beside Joel, even teenagers. Because of that, she held her knife in her pocket and a shy expression on her face. “How long is it?”   


“Just an hour, alright? I’m gonna be at patrol for a while anyhow, so you can explore around a bit if you want.” Joel answered her, seeing her apprehensive loom over her. Ellie looked down at the floor then back up to Joel, biting her lip. “What is it?” 

Ellie sighed, clicking her nails against each other. “I just don’t like being apart…” She murmured, her face turning red. Especially after the hospital, she just wanted to be surrounded by Joel. She was on an emotional tightrope, only a second from breaking away. “Not after…” Ellie shut her eyes, remembering the hunter attack a couple of months ago. Joel sighed, taking both of her hands in his and caressing her jawline with his finger. 

“Hey… I know it’s a change… and we’re gon’ have to get used to it with some time, okay? We’re safe here, I swear.” Ellie cringed at the last two words and sighed, remembering the lie she’d been fed. There was no way he wasn’t lying, the look in his eyes betrayed him. But his warm interior also told her that whatever he did, he’d done to protect her. 

“I’m still taking my knife.” Ellie grumbled, switching the blade out then concealing it again. Joel provided her with a soft smile before taking her in his arms. Ellie wasn’t alone with her feelings, Joel always hated separating with her, now more than ever because of the events at the hospital. 

“Okay… try not to get into any trouble, okay, baby girl?” He asked to which she simply responded:

“I make no promises.” She shrugged and with a long sigh, closed the door of the house behind her and met Maria outside. 

“Hey, Ellie.” Maria smiled, greeting Ellie with a smile. Ellie awkwardly mumbled a greeting back, looking back at the door. “So, I heard you and Joel are gonna go explore town later?” Ellie wasn’t really listening, but she made sure to mumble responses. 

“Uh, yeah, I guess.” Ellie shrugged, looking ahead of them. A large school loomed over Ellie, almost overshadowing her and sending her into the ground. It even  _ looked  _ threatening. Ellie wondered if Maria had told the other kids about her… Ellie wondered if the other kids knew how many people she’d killed. Of course, Tommy and Maria had kept Ellie’s immunity a secret. If the truth came out, it’d be an absolute witch hunt for Ellie, not to mention no one would come near her in perplexion and somewhat fear of the small girl… though that happened anyway. 

“Okay, well, the class I assigned you in isn’t too big. I made sure all of the kids are really nice for you.” Maria grinned, while Ellie frowned. _So they’re all going to be assholes._ Ellie thought. In her time, Ellie had found that kids adults _thought_ to be nice were truly monstrous brats on the inside. Maria smiled too much… that was something that Ellie immediately realized. She was very chipper and happy, but not truly. It was something Ellie was familiar with… “Joel said he’d come to pick you up after the day’s done, so I’ll see you tomorrow.”   
Ellie nodded, taking a deep sigh and heading towards the school. She opened the doors and stepped inside, looking around. There were dozens of kids, all chattering and talking like they belonged to something… they probably did, Ellie realized, something she hadn’t felt for years. 

As she walked down the hallways, she looked down, trying to seem invisible. How had they gotten here? Not two days ago, Ellie was in Salt Lake City, torching Infected beside Joel. Now she… she felt  _ normal.  _ Actually… she’d never felt more out of place. She was the member that stood out of the crowd. A normal life was what she was supposed to live now, but it felt even stranger than when she was travelling across the country with Joel by her side. Part of her almost missed being on the road with it just being her and him. 

_ Room 112. That’s what Maria told me… this is so fucking stupid. I should be on patrols with Joel and Tommy. This is so fucking dumb.  _ Ellie hated that Joel was out having all of the fun while she was stuck in school. Ellie had made a point to bring her sketchbook, mostly because she didn’t intend on paying any attention to anything, and she didn’t intend on staying for a second day. Ellie wanted to be out, kicking Infected ass and getting her hands dirty. She felt like a  _ kid  _ here. She knew she was one, but after everything… it felt like the only chance she had at being a child was ripped from her. She thought it was dumb she wasn’t allowed to bring anything more than a knife… it felt like walking naked in the streets. With  _ nothing  _ to protect herself, Ellie felt bare. 

On top of all of her other stress, Ellie had no time to mourn the confusion and blur of everything that had happened in Salt Lake City. One second, Joel and her were traveling across the country, slaughtering any hunter or Infected that came into their path, and now… now they were  _ here…  _ trying to live a normal life. It was a lie, to her, at least. Joel seemed to be somewhat happy here. 

Her eyes landed on a boy to her right. He murmured something to his friend, both of them sending giggles towards Ellie. Then, the boy stuck his foot out, tripping Ellie. She fell to the ground and Ellie found an anger grow in her. “What the fuck?” She asked, pushing her hair back behind her ear and glaring at both the boy and his friend. The boys only seemed to laugh at her response and chuckled to each other, eyeing Ellie like an object. “Do you have a problem?”   
“I’m Chase… this is Jack.” 

“Okay?” Ellie asked, ready to walk away. But, the boy grabbed her arm, sending her back towards him. Ellie quickly tore herself from his grip, throwing daggers at ‘Chase’ with her irises. Ellie rubbed her hand, almost as if the boy had left a trace on her. She almost felt her mind return to David but Ellie rejected those thoughts before they could start. She didn’t need to have a panic attack on her first -and possibly- last day. 

“So, you’re new here right? You’re from outside the wall?” He said that sentence like she was some sort of speck of dirt, something that didn’t belong in  _ his  _ school. Ellie screwed her features together in anger and sighed, nodding. “Oh, cool…” The boy gestured to his friend and him, then to some other kids who’d begun to subtly look Ellie up and down. She heard a whisper about the visible knife in her pocket to her left and turned her head at a group of girls staring at her. They were treating her like some science experiment, observing her curiously.  _ Fucking assholes.  _ Ellie cursed under her breath, looking back to the boys. “Do you wanna hang out with us after school? Some of us are sneaking outside.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little stupid?” Ellie asked in a snide tone, already seeing the naiveness on the boys’ faces. A giggle sounded behind her and Ellie screwed her eyes shut, taking another deep breath. “Don’t you know what’s out there?”   


“Yeah, there’s, like… zombies, and stuff.” _Oh my fucking God._ Ellie almost let out a laugh at that and put her head to her temple, shutting her eyes and remembering all of the times the Infected had nearly murdered her and Joel… all of the times they had almost teared her to pieces if it weren’t for her father. “Well, do you wanna come with us?”  
_I hope all of you get Infected._ Ellie thought, looking directly into the boy's eyes. “No.” She spoke truthfully, once again turning to walk to her class when one final time, the boy grabbed her again. This time, she grabbed him back, pushing him up against the locker behind him. The boy next to him dove out of the way as -with a strange strength the other kids didn’t inherit- Ellie held the boy up by his clean collar, staring into his frightened eyes. When he tried to move himself away from her, she slammed him back against he locker, furiously. 

She wasn’t even that mad at the boy, she was just letting her pent up rage out onto the boy… all of the madness at Joel for lying to her about Salt Lake, the world for fucking Joel and her over time and time again, the fireflies for possibly hurting her when she wasn’t even awake, but mostly, at herself for failing to make a vaccine. “Listen, you little shit: grab me again and I’ll fucking put one between your eyes.” 

The hallway grew quiet. Stunned gasps fled through the corridor and Ellie looked back, loosening her grip and feeling her throat close around her.  _ They were looking at her like she was a freak _ … she realized she probably was. Ellie let the boy drop to the ground and quickly escaped the school, slamming the door behind her and trying to remember the path back to the house. THrough her tears, she saw the familiar green house in the distance and stormed towards it, ignoring the strange looks she got from people while she passed them. Her knife was in her hand, mostly because it was her mother’s and the only thing that could give her comfort at the moment. 

They looked at her like a  _ monster _ … Ellie let out a cry, entering the house and slamming the door behind her. Joel was already gone with Tommy on patrol of the outer wall, so she was alone. Ellie raced up the steps, running into her room and falling into the bed, once again slamming the door behind her with a loud  _ bang.  _ Anger was tracing through her and she wanted to just scream and let all of it out.  _ Why did Joel lie to her? Why were the fireflies going to hurt her? Why did she have to go to school, why were all of the kids in the fucking school such dickheads?  _

Ellie cried into the pillow, taking her knife and stabbing it into the dresser beside her in anger. The wood chipped and she got up, pacing across the room. She kicked the door in anger, only to grab her foot in pain. Ellie let out a loud curse and dove back into the pillow, curling up and waiting for Joel to come home. 

She was angry, she didn’t even know at what. Maybe at the kids judging her blindly, maybe at Joel, maybe at the fireflies,  _ maybe at herself _ … she didn’t know. She was just angry. So, she cried, hugging one of the small plushies that had laid in her bed and waited for Joel to return.

‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ 

“Ellie?” Joel called through the house. Maria had called Tommy on the radio halfway through patrols, telling of a crying boy who had been telling of ‘some insane girl’ who threatened him. Joel furrowed his eyebrows, calling her name once again. He heard muffled sniffles upstairs in Ellie’s room and sighed, frowning deeply. Joel climbed the steps, stopping in front of Ellie’s room. Joel set his eyes on Ellie. She was hugging a stuffed animal, glaring angrily at the wall and facing away from the door, not seeing -or seeming to hear- Joel. “Kiddo?” 

That snapped her out of her trance and she looked over to the door to see Joel staring at him. She muttered a ‘hey’ and looked back towards the wall. Joel pouted, crossing the room slowly and sitting by Ellie’s feet on the bed. “What happened?” He asked, taking her hand. She squeezed his hand hardly, almost to the point where it hurt.

“Some asshole kept grabbing me… they were all staring at me like I was some freak.” Joel felt a flare of anger at the boy, remembering what Maria said he’d been weeping about to her.  _ “We just invited her to come out, we were being nice. And then she hit me… she had a knife… she pulled it out and… and… she said she was going to kill me!” Little shit.  _ Joel thought, heaving a deep sigh and rubbing Ellie’s legs under the cover. 

“You’re not a freak.” Joel whispered softly, seeing her look up at him with tears in her eyes.  _ This is fucking stupid.  _ Ellie thought, frowning at how much she cared about the other kids’ opinions. This wasn’t like her… normally she’d just raise her middle fingers and parade through the school, warning no one to touch her. 

“Yeah, I am.” She whispered, looking back down and squeezing Joel’s hand before letting it go, surrounding the plushie in her hands with a tight grip. Ellie’s voice was extremely dry and croaky, due to her crying. 

“Look at me.” Joel whispered, taking Ellie’s hand again and gently pulling her up into a sitting position. Ellie’s sad eyes met Joel’s and he cupped her face with his hands, making sure that she heard his words. “You  _ ain’t  _ a freak. If anything, they’re the freaks for not seeing how goddamn awesome you are.” Ellie let out a sad chuckle and felt Joel taking her in a hug, squeezing her tightly. “Every little freckle on your face, every hair on your head is perfect. I wouldn’t change a single  _ thing  _ about you.” Ellie sniffled, wiping her tears. 

“Thanks, pops.” Ellie chuckled for a second and Joel squeezed her tighter until peeling her off of him and once again looking directly in her eyes. 

“Hey, look at me… it is  _ not your fault  _ that they couldn’t make a vaccine, okay?” Joel had felt it looming over her since they entered Jackson, slowly eating away at her. The same thing had happened with David, but this time, Joel was going to take the first step and do the talking this time. “Maybe in a few years… maybe they’ll discover something new.” Joel tried to give her a sense of hope but she sighed, knowing he didn’t truly believe that would happen.    


“I know… I wish I could’ve met one of the other immunes…” Ellie mumbled, trying to imagine what they’d look like. What would their bite look like? Joel said there were dozens of them, but she’d never even met someone else that was immune. Statistically, if there were hundreds, surely there would’ve been someone in the QZ, or even in Jackson who was immune. 

“There were only a few there… most of them didn’t make the journey, or left before we got there.” Joel’s voice seemed steady, and there were no obvious lies riddled in his sentences… still, she suspected, no… she knew he was lying. 

“I know… still wish I could’ve talked to one of them, though.” She whispered, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, suddenly standing. “Y’know what? No, I’m not doing this right now. We’re going and we’re doing something happy, okay?” Ellie growled, suddenly over being so sulky and sad. Joel smiled for a second, thinking of what they could do. 

“Well, Tommy happened to lend me some things while we were out.” Ellie’s interest peaked and Joel walked downstairs, Ellie following him. Joel reached for his bag, opening it and pulling out three boxes. “Reckon you’ll like these.” 

“What are they?” Ellie asked, looking at the boxes. They had disks inside with large words on each box. Joel chuckled, opening them and taking one of the disks, putting it into the cable box sitting below the television. “Is it, like a computer or something?”

“It’s a movie.” Joel explained, turning the television on. A picture appeared on the screen and Ellie watched in wonder. Joel smiled at her confused expression and sat on the couch in front of the television, letting Ellie sit beside him, still perplexed. Audio began pouring through the television and Ellie stared at the screen, then back to Joel. 

“Like that vampire thing you were talking about? Wolf something…?” Ellie asked, trying to remember the name of it, only to fail. Joel smiled and chuckled, looking to the screen. Sarah had used to do this with him… Monday was their designated movie night. It was usually a shitty and tiring day for both of them, so they countered it by spending the night together staying up all night watching scary movies… not any good ones, though. 

“Yeah… Sarah and I watched this one. It’s one of those cheap horror things.” Joel smiled, looking at the television. He remembered this one being somewhat scary… it had surely spooked Sarah at least, she spent half of the movie hiding behind Joel’s arms. “This one’s pretty good. Reckon you’ll get a few scares from it.” 

“Yeah, right… I’m gonna champ through this.” Ellie smirked, shaking her head. Joel laughed, doubting her answer. And so, the night progressed. Darkness filled the sky and the only light came from the television. However, Ellie was wide awake, hiding in Joel’s arms, terrified. She took Joel’s warning lightly, but the movie was scarier than any clicker she’d ever seen. 

“You okay, kiddo?” Joel had a huge smile on his face and Ellie smacked his arm playfully, pouting at him. “It’s okay, just admit it got you a bit.” Joel grinned and Ellie glared at him, keeping her eyes on the screen with regret. 

“Not a chance.” She hissed, but still kept her grip in Joel’s arms. For a second, just a single night, she was distracted from everything and it was just Joel and her, like it was meant to be. Suddenly, a transparent figure appeared on the screen, jumping out from seemingly nowhere. Ellie let out a small scream and jumped, hiding in Joel’s arms and feeling him wrap his arms around her and let out a laugh. 

“Y’sure?” Joel asked, smiling down at her. She squeezed her eyes shut, reeling from the jumpscare and regaining herself. The movie was coming to a close, and they’d stayed like this almost the entire time. Joel’s grin lived on his cheeks and he brushed Ellie’s clean hair with his fingers and saw her surface from his chest. 

“Yup… that didn’t count.” Ellie murmured, looking back at the screen and sighing when the movie came to a close. Stress rained down on her and she took a deep breath, inhaling for the first time in hours. “Jesus fucking christ… who the hell would watch that for  _ fun _ ?! That was terrible!” Ellie laughed, shutting the television off and setting the remote down on the coffee table. Their laps were covered in blankets, but Ellie was consumed by it, her head laying down in Joel’s laugh. 

“Well, it was fun, wasn’t it?”

“I suppose…” Ellie grumbled, still mad at how frightened she had gotten. She almost had forgotten about what happened at school. Joel promised she wouldn’t have to go back and suggested maybe getting somewhere to help out around the town. Still, he didn’t allow her to do patrols yet, and definitely not without him. “Yeah, I guess it was.”

“So, people like going to see them. But, they didn’t usually get as scared as you-”   


“Oh, shut up.” Ellie giggled, hitting Joel over the head with her pillow and laying back down in his lap after words, hugging his knee lovingly. Joel smiled, tucking that rebellious strand of hair behind her ear and kissing her forehead, looking deep in her eyes. They both knew that Joel had lied about the fireflies… Ellie knew, but she knew that he had to have done it for a good reason. She wasn’t anywhere  _ near  _ forgiving him, but she was on that path. Even if she hated how he’d lied to her, she still loved and needed him, especially in such a foriegn environment. 

“Reckon you wanna get to bed, huh?” Joel asked, hearing a loud yawn escape her lips. It was probably around eight or nine, but she was exhausted after the events of the day. Ellie dreaded having to explore the town with Joel tomorrow… they both knew she’d built quite the reputation, especially when the story that was believed about her wasn’t the true story.

“Do we  _ have  _ to go out tomorrow? Why can’t we just stay in here again?” Ellie asked. Not only did she not want any of the kids from school to see her, she still wasn’t comfortable being around other men beside Joel or Tommy. The trauma from Winter still lived in her and even if Joel was beside her, she couldn’t feel safe near any other guys, it was just a total loss of trust. 

“Hey, Ellie.” He frowned, cupping her face and looking down at her, the smile on his face temporarily gone. “Y’know what they’re gonna think about you? They’re gonna think you’re as cool as I think you are.” Ellie almost laughed at Joel using the word ‘cool,’ but he still cheered her up. Ellie let out a cackle and shut her eyes on Joel’s lap. 

“God, you’re such a sap, old man.” Ellie smiled, slowly falling asleep on his lap. Before she did, she heard him say to her:

“‘Night, baby girl.” With that, she fell asleep happily in her father’s lap, though that peace wouldn’t last. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably going to be a bit longer than last season, maybe 30-35 chapters since i have to set it up if i do a part two, because i need to find someone/something for ellie and joel to have a motive for for part two. maybe dina, or someone attacking jackson, i'm not sure yet. maybe i'll just make it so Joel doesn't die, idk. anyway, i hope you liked this chapter! REQUESTS ARE NOW OPENED AGAIN! so, if you have any asks, comment them! i think next chapter i write maybe ellie will get sick or something, i'm not sure. probably more fluff. anyhow, hope you enjoyed the chapter! comments and kudos are appreciated!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel and Ellie try to find a purpose in Jackson, but both of them still are haunted by their pasts.

“Hey, Ellie.” Tommy greeted her. The girl looked much better rested now, but her somberness had returned, just not not as great. A constant frown slightly tugged on her lips and Tommy realized a gun carried in her pocket. “You can leave that here if ya want.” 

“No, thanks.” She replied, keeping the gun in her pocket. Joel gave Tommy a shake of his head behind Ellie and closed the door, walking onto the streets with his brother and daughter. “So, what… you’re, uh, gonna give us the big tour?”  
“Yeah, guess that pretty much sums it up.” Tommy nodded, smiling down at the girl. With other people around, Ellie seemed more reserved again, Joel realized. She held onto Joel’s hand like it was her only tether to life, but he didn’t mind. “So, reckon from that little stunt back in fall, you like horses?” 

Ellie looked up then back to the stables, and nodded, seeing horses come from in and out of the barn. “Yeah, I guess so.” Ellie replied, thinking back to Callus and then frowning again. Joel squeezed her hand, bending down near her and whispering something in her ear. 

Tommy watched Ellie smile and nod, a grin slowly rearing on her face. Tommy was glad that Joel had found something to love again. After Sarah, his brother had shut down. Those first few years after the outbreak were the hardest, but Joel still stepped up nonetheless. Tommy didn’t like to think about what they had done to survive, about who they had to live with… being a hunter was the thing that both hunters hated most about themselves. Joel just prayed Ellie never found out, not after Winter. 

“Well, uh, we got some kids your age working on the ranch… promise they’re good kids.” Ellie raised an eyebrow at that and Tommy smiled, leading them towards the ranch. It smelled terrible, but the fresh air of Spring slowly wafted it away. “Here we are.” 

Suddenly, a kid jumped from the shadows, almost spooking Ellie. She had her dark hair tied back into a ponytail and tan skin. Freckles covered her face and hazel eyes soon met Ellie’s. Her hair was very messy and she was covered in dirt from working at the ranch, but her smile shone through. “Are you the new kid? I’m Dina, are you going to work here, too?” 

She was talking very quickly and Ellie could barely keep up with her. She thought that the girl was pretty, but after Riley, didn’t let herself get too attached. Dina smiled at the girl expectantly and Ellie cleared her voice. “Uh, I dunno… maybe.” Ellie replied quietly and Dina turned her head, inspecting the redhead. 

“You seem cool. I heard about how you totally kicked Chase’s ass. Time someone did that.” Ellie lightened up a bit and let a smile escape her lips. Dina grinned back at her and Ellie seemed to get less shy. “Hey, Tommy, if you want, Jesse and I can tour her around, show her the ropes.” Dina shrugged, looking back to a boy calling her name. The slightly older girl rolled her eyes, mouthing a curse towards the kid calling his name. 

Ellie didn’t really like separating from Joel and she looked towards him. He smiled and squeezed her hand. “It’s fine, go. We’ll come swing by once we’re done, alright, kiddo?” Ellie sighed and nodded, looking to Dina. The girl suddenly grabbed her hand and ran towards the horses, dragging Ellie behind her. Joel chuckled and continued with Tommy. 

“This’ll be fun, I promise.” She looked back to Jesse before yelling to the second boy in the ranch. “Hey, Jesse! Got some fresh meat with us!” Dina yelled, her hair glowing in the sun.  _ Leave it, Ellie.  _ Ellie growled at herself, not letting herself get close to anyone. “Hey, Jesse!” Dina yelled again. 

Ellie looked around. They were in the middle of the ranch. Most of the pens had horses in them and Ellie looked around, inspecting the mares and colts. “Yeah, okay! Jesus.” Suddenly, one of the pens opened and a light-skinned boy walked out of the fence. He had looming dark hair that went just above his eyes. His clothes were rather dirty too, something that Ellie found rare in Jackson. Everyone here was so… civilized. It almost felt wrong. “You sound like my mom.” 

“Ellie, meet Jesse. She’s the new kid.” Dina grinned. Her left tooth was missing and her curly black hair had begun to fall from her ponytail. She hung herself on Ellie’s shoulder and Ellie’s face brightened with a red shade. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Ellie waved awkwardly, only to be yanked by Dina again. Dina strutted down the barn, naming each horse. “That one’s Copper, Theodore, Shimmer, Johnny and Izzy. All the others are out since the guys are on patrol right now.” Ellie nodded and approached the hazel horse that Dina had been brushing before they’d arrived. “They don’t bite, I promise.” Dina laughed and took Ellie’s hand. Ellie’s eyes ran to Dina’s, but Dina didn’t seem to mind the contact. She placed Ellie’s hand on the horse and brushed it before letting go and letting Ellie pet it by herself. 

“Pretty much, we clean up the horse crap and make sure they don’t… y’know, die.” Jessie shrugged, taking a wire brush and beginning to run it through another colt’s tail. 

“Are you gonna work here?” Dina asked excitedly. Ellie shrugged, anxiously picking at her nails. Truthfully, as much of a breath of fresh air being around kids her age -that were tolerable- was, she still wanted to do patrols. 

“I dunno… I might do patrols with Joel, so-”  
“Oh, is he your dad?” Dina asked. Ellie smiled subtly and took a sigh nodding. _He is._ Ellie thought to herself. A sunset was beginning to run across the sun, illuminating the sky with oranges and lighting the ranch with a warm color. 

“Uh, yeah. I might do patrols with him, so I dunno.” Ellie answered, to which both Jesse and Dina looked up. “Do you guys do patrols?” They both shook their heads and Ellie sighed…  _ so no one else here is a murderer like me, then.  _ Ellie answered in her mind, shutting her eyes. The weight of what she’d done to anyone who crossed Joel’s and her path while searching for the fireflies still haunted her. It made her sick that she couldn’t even remember all of their faces. 

“Nah, they don’t let us do patrols usually. But, I bet you’ve got a bunch of experience. Where were you before you got here?” Jesse asked curiously. Meanwhile, he invited Ellie over, gesturing towards a pile of brushes. Ellie picked it up and while they talked, he gave her instructions of what patterns to brush the skin in and how hard to do it. Ellie smiled as she latched the brush onto the horse’s hair, being able to feel it breath beneath her. She smiled and brushed it gently, petting it in the meantime. 

“Joel and I came from the QZ in Boston.” Ellie answered. Dina and Jesse both looked up at her in surprise, looking at each other and shock. “We left, like… I dunno, a year ago maybe. Kinda got caught up with some stuff outside.” Ellie thought back to Winter and sighed, nestling her hands in the horse’s fur to calm her. 

“That’s a long way. Did you totally kick Infected ass?” Dina asked excitedly and Ellie smiled, nodding. “They don’t really let us shoot ‘till we’re older. Tommy thinks we should be kids since we have the privilege.” Ellie smiled, seeing the similarities between Tommy and Joel. Joel thought that once they’d gotten to Jackson, Ellie would be able to have a normal life, but the horrors of what happened on the way to Jackson and the fireflies still haunted her and robbed her of her innocence. 

“Yeah, that sounds like Tommy.” Ellie smirked, thinking of how the man had acted back in Fall when she stole Callus. He was very cautious, just like Joel. Joel didn’t want her to do patrols, mostly because of the hospital. His nerves were set on fire almost losing Ellie like that, and he didn’t want to come anywhere near feeling that again. Suspicions only seemed to rise with each day that went by. It had been two days since they arrived at Jackson, and it was an odd change for both of them. Of course, they’d both stayed in the same bed. Neither of them thought that’d change anytime soon. “Him and Joel are super careful… for good reason, though, I guess.” 

“Yeah, I guess being outside of the walls for that long has gotta have some downsides. Tons of Infected, I’d guess.” Jesse nodded, thinking of pictures of Infected they’d seen in school. It seemed like no one else seemed to care, like they were all trying to live their perfect little lives. Dina had seen too much to do that, and Ellie had  _ done  _ too much to. Jesse just was plain scared of the monsters under the bed to sleep. 

“Infected are manageable once you get used to them. People are worse… lot of assholes outside. It forces you to do things, you’d… not want to do.” Ellie murmured, shutting her eyes and thinking back to David. Once again, she jerked herself for the memories, not wanting to look like some sort of freak in front of the only people who’d bothered to even look at her for the three days they’d been in Jackson so far. 

“Yeah… know that’s true.” Dina muttered, thinking to the early years before they’d gotten to Jackson. Ellie looked over, surveying the pretty girl. She had glowing skin in the sunset’s light, something that made Ellie’s cheeks burn. She looked back towards the horse, turning her eyes away. “Have you had to… kill someone?” Dina asked, and Ellie widened her eyes, her grim expression answering everything.

“Yeah… a lot… have you?” Ellie asked, her tone shifting. It was more quiet and her words hitched at the end, something that happened when she was sensitive. Dina nodded, heaving a deep sigh. Jesse remained silent, watching Dina carefully. 

“Yeah… one guy before. Came at my mom with a knife, and… well, I protected her.” Ellie felt her throat close around her and instantly she knew she wanted Dina to be her friend. Dina had to know what Ellie was going through… had to see through the other children’s rosy glasses and fake exteriors. It seemed Jesse did as well. “Anyway… do you like Jackson so far?”

“It’s definitely weird to have electricity and an actual bed… and food. Definitely nice not to have to look over your back every second.” Ellie shrugged, seeing both of the other kids once again look up when she described herself starving and freezing outside. Both of them had a look of pity and Ellie turned away, not wanting it. 

“Yeah. This place has its perks.” Jesse tried to lighten the conversation and cleared his throat, looking to Ellie. “So, you guys are on Elmore Street, right? That’s near me and Dina.” Ellie nodded and Dina cracked a smile, her missing tooth flashing once again. 

“Yeah, you should come hang out with us? Jesse’s dad just got a new game for his T.V. Sadly, Jesse  _ sucks  _ at it.” 

“I have a higher score than you!” Jesse fought, glaring at her playfully. Dina held up her middle finger, clearly not actually meaning anything, though. Ellie smiled at their sudden argument and nestled her fingers in the horse’s dark, chocolate fur. “You couldn’t even get past the first level.” 

“Whatever, I’m still a better shot than you, Jesse.” She bragged, making Jesse roll his eyes. “Can’t believe Maria let you carry that thing around. She doesn’t think we should have weapons.”

“That’s stupid.” Ellie repeated once again, sticking her tongue out. It seemed like Maria hadn’t really been outside of the walls in a while, which wasn’t considering since she was pretty much the ruler of Jackson beside Tommy. The town was slightly bigger than how Ellie and Joel had left it in Autumn, something Tommy seemed to have pride in. “They make us go to school or whatever, but you don’t use smarts to kill something. You use a bullet.” Dina and Jesse looked up at her surprisingly grave statement, meeting each other’s eyes. Dina could see in Ellie’s face that she didn’t like talking about what she’d had to see and do outside the walls, so she left it alone. 

Suddenly, Ellie saw Dina climb up onto an attic in the ranch, using a weak wooden ladder. “Hey, Jesse, show Ellie how to saddle Shimmer up, will you? Tommy said that Eli’s taking her out soon.” Jesse replied with a nod and looked to Ellie, smiling slightly at her. Jesse had the slightest bit of stubble, but he looked like he made an effort to shave it off. A small amount of acne was on his forehead, but it was covered by his dark hair. 

“Okay.” Jesse began chattering instructions to Ellie, which she closely paid attention to, eager to spend time with the two personalities. They were very chipper and friendly, something that was seemingly rare in Jackson, at least to Ellie. And eventually, the evening turned to night, and it was time for Joel to return. 

“Ellie? Time to go!” Joel’s voice met her ears and she looked up. It’d been almost two hours that Dina, Jesse and Ellie were just talking, sharing their own stories about being outside, those Jesse really just listened to, since he’d spent almost his entire life inside. Ellie found herself happy for almost the first time she’d been in Jackson without Joel being there. 

“Oh, I better go before he worries. I’ll see you guys tomorrow?” Ellie asked, which Jesse and Dina both happily nodded to, waving her a goodbye. Ellie removed herself from the pen she’d been in with Jesse and walked towards the exit of the barn, quickly seeing Joel. “Hey.” Ellie smiled, her face warmer than it had been prior to Joel leaving her. 

“You look happy.” Joel smirked, letting the cold air hit them as they moved out of the barn, heading back toward their house. “Make some new friends?” 

“You’re a sap.” Ellie grinned, rolling her eyes. Though, it was touching how light Joel seemed to be at the sight of Ellie making friends in the town. He was grateful to see that Ellie was happy here as well. He enjoyed being with Tommy again, and of course, having Ellie safe. The fact that they no longer had to worry about starving, or freezing; Infected, or  _ hunters _ … it was a relief to him. 

“Mhm.” Joel smiled, kissing the top of Ellie’s head in the dimly lit street, looking down at her to see her smiling. Deep down, she was still mourning Salt Lake, and still mad at Joel for lying to her.  _ I need to ask him, I know. Just… not right now. I want to be this happy for a little longer. Just a little.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! hope you enjoyed! I entered dina into the story this early because i wanted to build a relationship with her for future works (hint hint) and possible find a motive for ellie for if I write a part 2 (HINT HINT) instead of having something happen to Joel, because he's my literal dad and nothing is happening to him under my watch. this was just a bit of hurt/comfort and fluff for you guys, while introducing some new characters! comments and kudos are appreciated, and as always, if you have a request, leave it in the comments! love you guys!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie learns a terrifying piece of Joel's past; Tommy figures out what exactly transpired after Joel and Ellie left for the fireflies nearly half a year ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bit of angst and fluff for you guys! request next chapter, so enjoy!

_ Joel was screaming as they cut her open, their tools now stained with her blood. They were in the hospital, and Ellie was awake. Ellie said yes… and she was regretting it quickly. They said they just needed to take a shot… and then she felt sleepy, and she was collapsing. They  _ drugged  _ her, knowing she wouldn’t let them kill her… she knew what it’d do to Joel, and she said no. So they drugged her. Joel was unconscious on the floor. They had knocked him out since he saw quickly through their lies… but Ellie was still awake.  _

_ She was screaming, fighting as hard as she could to get out of the doctors’ grips. They pressed into her flesh and pushed a scalpel closer and closer towards her and she roared in anger, looking back at Joel. She screamed, seeing they’d harmed him and yelled, kicking one of the doctors and breaking free. “Let me go!” She hollered, seeing a small dot of blood on Joel’s head. She squealed, breaking finally from their grip. “Stay away!”  _

_ Joel’s revolver shook in her hands and she looked to the doctors, switching her aim between all of them. One of them tried to approach her, and with a deep pain in her, she shot, ending his life quickly and splattering the man’s blood on her cheek.  _

_ The fireflies were supposed to be the people who  _ saved  _ her… who saved the world. They were going to  _ kill her.  _ After she said  _ no.  _ They  _ hurt  _ Joel, they were going to kill him as well. She knew by pressing the trigger she was kissing the only hope at a vaccine goodbye… “Stay back!” Ellie warned them, but she charged her and she had been forced to shoot again, both being direct headshots.  _

_ It was silent… very silent for a long time. Joel began to stir but Ellie instead sat in the pools of blood, hiding her sobs in her chest. Joel’s revolver had fallen beside her and Ellie cried, taking one of the doctor’s hand in her own and throwing it aside. The only people who could’ve used her bite to get a vaccine, she killed. There was no chance for a vaccine and the reason was the blood written on her hands. Ellie let out a shaky sob, looking towards Joel’s still sleeping figure and crying more.  _ I saved you… I did what I had to do.  _ She thought.  _

This was one of the worst nightmares, but one of the quieter ones. Joel only awoke because he felt a tear drip onto his face, one that didn’t come from him. She had quick breathing, but it was chillingly calm and silent. The hints of sunlight had begun to crawl in through the window in Joel’s room and they both were cuddled in the large bed. Ellie was tangled up in Joel’s arms but even in his grip, her nightmares shook her. Joel slowly got up, shaking Ellie slightly. Her face only tightened at his grip and he shook her once again, only to once again, do nothing. 

Ellie’s cries slowly grew and Joel acted quicker, shaking her more. “Hey, Ellie. Ellie, wake up.” He whispered, gently pushing her shoulders to try to pull her out. “Kiddo, wake up, hey.” Tears were slowly running down her face but still, it was chillingly quiet. “Ellie, c’mon here. I’m-” 

Joel’s subtle attempts were suddenly cut off as Ellie gasped for air, springing up. Joel was about to hug her, so she sprang -accidentally- into his arms, her eyes shooting open before beginning to let out more small cries. “Hey, hey… it’s okay.” Joel whispered, rubbing the back of her head as she hid in his chest, letting small cries escape from her body. “It’s okay, baby girl, it’s alright.” Joel slowly pulled her away, only to find a… different face than he expected. It was one that consisted of hurt, but not fear. “What’s wrong?” He asked, sensing the stupidity behind the question. 

Ellie looked down at her own hands then back up to Joel, still tangled in the bed sheets, though she had noticeably removed herself from Joel’s arms. “Did…” Ellie let her sentence hang, taking a deep sigh and shutting her eyes. She regained herself, slowly wiping her tears only to feel more replace them. “Did you tell me the truth?” Ellie asked. Joel sucked in a silent breath and met Ellie’s eyes, seeing the desperation hidden even in the darkness. She  _ needed  _ the truth, but she felt he would conceal it once again. “Did… is there really no cure?” Ellie asked, her voice croaked and silent. Joel heaved a deep sigh and took Ellie’s hands, looking deep in Ellie’s eyes. 

“I  _ promise _ … it  _ ain’t  _ your fault there’s no cure, alright?” Joel whispered softly, cupping her face with his hands. She pouted her lip and let out a small whimper, hiding in Joel’s hands. “Oh, baby girl… I know, I know.” He whispered, rubbing her back as she softly weeped in his chest, mourning the failed test with the vaccine. She knew that he had lied once again, or at least withheld the truth. 

“I really thought it was going to work, Joel…” She whispered, her voice broken. He cringed, knowing deep down it was all his fault. He still didn’t regret it, though. Ellie was alive and they had a chance at being a true  _ family _ . “What… What if I did something? Did something to-”

“No. You stop that, right now.” Joel spoke suddenly and gently, but a harsh meaning spoke behind them. “You did everything right.” Joel murmured in her ear, brushing her free hair with his hands and nestling them in her hair. Ellie slowly let her cries die out and -surprising Joel- wrapped her arms around Joel, hugging him as tight as she could. “It’s okay, baby.” 

Ellie and Joel slowly untangled themselves, though Joel still held Ellie in his muscles. Sunlight began to pour in on them and the sounds of life began running from the open window in Joel’s room. “Hey, I… I got something for you.” Joel whispered to her, which Ellie picked her head up at. Joel nodded, slowly taking her hand and leading her from the bed, her pajamas still clinging to her legs. “I promise, this is gon’ cheer you up.” 

“Okay…” Ellie replied, the cold floors of the house tickling her feet. She could hear the birds chirping outside and followed Joel, still recovering from her nightmare. As they headed downstairs, the sun was shining through the windows, lighting up the rooms in a peaceful silence. 

“Remember what a microwave is?” Ellie nodded, seeing Joel move towards the small box in the cabinets with a box of what seemed to be some sort of meat. “Remember that jerky you liked so much?” Ellie smiled, nodding excitedly with the memory of the delicious food. “Well, Sarah used to love those things, but they made a kind of breakfast kind.” Joel answered, reaching into the fridge and pulling out a box of sausages. They were kept in a plastic container and he held it up to Ellie. 

She pushed herself up onto the counter, impatiently awaiting the food. When she reached for it, Joel shook his head, smiling. “Uh uh, gotta cook it first.” Joel answered, opening the microwave and making it start. A small humming sound ran through Ellie’s ears and she looked at it curiously, almost expecting it to blow up. “So, uh… reckon you’re gonna go back to that ranch, huh?” Joel smiled, seeing Ellie’s immediate excitement when he mentioned the horses, along with her two new friends. Her nightmare slowly began to fade from her memory, which Joel was relieved by. 

“Yeah, Jesse said he’d let me ride one of the horses today.” Ellie grinned, her smile moving from ear to ear. Joel chuckled, scooting closer to her and enclosing her hand in his. “I think you’ll like Dina and Jesse, they’re really cool. Did you know Dina’s actually killed someone, too?” Joel’s eyes widened and Ellie nodded, thankful that someone in the town beside Joel understood the weight on her shoulders. “Yeah, she’s even been outside, too. I think you’re gonna like her.”

“Reckon I will.” He recognized the way she talked about the girl and smiled, grateful to see that Ellie was almost ready to move on from what had happened to her in the quarantine zone. She seemed to be so happy talking about Dina, even if she’d only met the girl for two or three hours. Though, those were the best two or three hours with anyone beside Joel Ellie could remember since Riley. “Well, I, uh… think if you promise to be careful,  _ real careful _ … you could maybe come out with Tommy an’ me for patrol sometime this week.” Ellie’s face lit up and she suddenly hugged Joel, laughing, almost completely forgetting her nightmare. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, Joel!” She squealed, grateful she’d be able to finally watch over Joel while he was outside. She always felt uneasy knowing something could go wrong and he wouldn’t be able to help. “I promise, I’ll be careful, I promise.” Ellie giggled, and Joel smiled, messing her hair. She groaned when her hair now fell over her face and she fixed it. The microwave suddenly beeped and Joel slowly opened it, letting a wonderful scent escape the oven. “That smells fucking good.” 

“Yeah, guess we both missed cooked meals, huh?”

“‘Missed,’ I’ve never fucking had a cooked meal, give it, now.” Ellie whined impatiently, frowning when Joel playfully shoved her off, moving the plate to the island in the kitchen. He frowned, thinking of her going for fourteen years with an empty stomach and no love.  _ I’ll make up for that now.  _

“Hold your horses, girl.” Joel smiled, but eventually handed her one of the two small sausages, taking the other one for himself. Ellie quickly bit into it, swallowing it in almost a second. A giant smile rose over her and she looked to Joel with a massive grin. “Did you even taste that?”

“Fuck, yeah, I did. That was really good, can I have more?” Ellie asked and Joel chuckled, placing the plate in the sink and closing the microwave. 

“Tommy said we best be goin’ to the dining hall tonight for dinner, get to know everyone and all that… they’ll have plenty of this stuff there, kiddo.” Ellie sighed, but also felt an excitement run through her thinking of more warm food. She liked it very much so far. “Maria said that your friends will get to the ranch in a bit, so ya might as well go get dressed, baby girl.” 

“Okay, wanna try that hot bath thing out again, anyway.” Ellie smiled, pounding upstairs. Joel smiled to himself, watching the vanishing figure of Ellie run up the steps. He washed the plate, almost cringing under the hot water. It felt weird after having twenty years with none of it, no warm food, blankets,  _ a daughter.  _ He very much loved the ladder change. 

Eventually, both of them separated, not exactly comfortable with it yet. Joel sighed, making his way to the wall where Tommy was waiting for him. “Hey.” Joel waved to his younger brother. The smaller man had two horses with their leads both in his hand. He handed one to Joel, who quickly mounted the animal. They began trotting out of the wall. It was around nine or ten in the morning, and the somberness of Ellie’s nightmare was clear behind Joel’s face. 

He could tell Tommy had so many questions to ask him. What had happened with the fireflies? What happened to Ellie, mostly. So, as they had enough distance from Jackson, Joel felt Tommy’s gaze lingering on him. “Can I ask you somethin’?” Tommy asked Joel, to which Joel looked to him slowly. He dipped his head and waited for the question Joel knew Tommy wanted to ask. 

“What happened with the fireflies?” He asked his brother, looking to him with a curious but knowing gaze. The seriousness that Ellie and Joel both wore like a shield answered Tommy’s question, but he wanted to know exactly what had gone down, and why Ellie was so much more closed than she had been in Autumn. “Why’s Ellie so… so quiet?” 

Joel sighed, shutting his eyes and tightening his grip around the horse’s leash. Joel looked down towards the ground and then to his own hands, remembering the blood that stained it. “I know that vaccine of hers didn’t work…” Tommy saved Joel the need of having to lie once again and impatiently awaited his brother’s response. 

“We, uh… we found the fireflies.” Joel spoke in a hush, not used to being so unprotected psychologically near his brother. If Joel closed his eyes, he could still remember the exact positions of every firefly’s body. He didn’t  _ want  _ to hurt them, definitely not kill them, either. But they  _ didn’t give him a choice.  _ They were going to kill her, and Joel made a promise. He wasn’t going to let that happen. “They were going to make a cure, but…” Joel sighed, ignoring Tommy’s glances and looking to Jackson behind them. It was very large, around half the size of the QZ. “... they had to kill her.” Joel finally whispered, looking up to Tommy with both a look of anger and guilt. 

Tommy’s eyes widened and he suddenly realized what that meant. He shook his head, stopping his horse. “What did you do?” Tommy asked, fearing his brother’s response. Joel looked down, swallowing hard and shutting his eyes, feeling as if someone had punched him over and over. Suddenly, Joel’s shields rose once again and he blocked off his emotions, knitting his eyebrows together. 

“ _ I stopped them. _ ” Joel answered, knowing what Ellie would say if she ever knew the truth. Part of him knew that Ellie suspected him, but he thought himself too much of a coward to actually tell her. He was scared of losing her, or of having something take her from him, even if it wasn’t death. 

“What does Ellie know?” Tommy asked and Joel looked down, his silence proving enough of an answer. “Jesus Christ, Joel…” Tommy sighed, looking away from his brother and feeling a sense of grief run through him for the fireflies. Though, maybe the world was better off without them if they were going to murder a little girl for a cure. “And the other thing?” Joel’s head went back towards Tommy’s and Tommy almost let out a chuckle, seeing Joel’s confusion. “Ellie’s different. She’s quieter… that ain’t jus’ the fireflies.” 

Joel felt his throat close around him and shook his head, not able to yet disclose that. Though, Tommy kept pushing, something that began to itch at Joel’s anger. “Something happened between when you two left and now. I need to know, Joel.” 

“I’m not the one to tell you that, Tommy. I can’t… I can’t do that right now.” Tommy frowned and kept pushing, slowly pissing Joel off. The elder brother dipped his head down and remembered with distaste the terror that was Winter. He knew it was something Tommy needed to know. If they were truly to become family like twenty years ago, they needed to be honest with each other. Joel sighed, trying to find words for his tragedy. 

“In Winter, I… got hurt. Ellie had to carry my ass around.” He started, silencing Tommy rather quickly and making him pay attention to Joel’s pained words. “When I found her… she massacred a whole town… she was chopping some man up. He… he…” Joel couldn’t say the next word but Tommy understood what it was and his eyes widened in abject horror and disgust. Joel turned away, ashamed of his horrible failure to protect her. Tommy clenched his hands against his reins and looked down to the hooves of his horse, taken aback and robbed of any words. “She hasn’t been the same since.” Joel mumbled, remembering the nightmares and the screams that had been burned into Joel’s mind because of what David had done to  _ his daughter.  _

“Jesus, that’s… that’s a lot.” Tommy whispered, his voice dry and haled. Tommy’s face had paled and he felt anger run through him, thinking of the bright spirit Ellie was in Fall, and then the dead, stripped personality she became in Spring. “Is she…” Tommy couldn’t find any words to say. “That explains that accident at the school, with that boy grabbing her like that.” 

“Yeah…” Joel mumbled, wanting to go back home suddenly. Tommy saw this and nodded, gesturing back towards the wall. 

“Yeah, you can head off… Maria said Ellie’s at the ranch with her friends.” Joel nodded in acknowledgment and began to head back towards Jackson while Tommy continued through the woods, planning to head towards the station where the next patrol would be waiting. Joel sighed, clenching his fists in the horse’s fur without hurting it, letting his anger slowly evaporate. 

Joel trotted back, entering Jackson and sighing, taking the horse back to the stables, to Ellie. As he approached, he heard two voices laughing from inside and let a small smile spread across his lips, because he recognized Ellie’s voice. It was nice to know she was happy. She was happier with her new friends than he’d ever seen her before, and with that, he felt a small somber pang run through him. If Ellie found out… she’d hate him. Forever. Joel shook his head, rejecting the idea.  _ She’ll understand. She will. She’d do the same thing for me… we’ll be okay.  _

“You’re so weird, Dina.” Ellie laughed, tightening the stirrups on one of the horses as Joel rode in, ducking his head so as to not hit it on the barn’s doors. “Joel, hey.” Ellie waved, her smile growing before approaching him and taking the reins of his horse. 

“Hi.” Dina greeted him, to which he waved back and uttered a greeting to both of them. Dina and Ellie were both cleaning a cell in the barn, something Joel found by their smell. 

“You’re gon’ need a bath when ya get home, kiddo.” Joel teased, making her slap him on the arm with a playful glare. Dina led the horse into one of the booths and closed the gate behind it, walking back to Joel and Ellie, who were talking happily. Dina saw something change in Ellie when Joel was around: her back stood a little less straight and she talked more openly. Ellie also noticed with a small grin that Ellie cursed more around Joel, something the old man seemed to be comforted at. When they were outside, their personalities were probably the only thing that the other got comfort from. So, even though the other adults in town frowned on Ellie’s immaturity and swearing, Joel found it like a flag of safety to him. 

“Yeah, you don’t smell too flattering either, old man.” Ellie looked back to Dina and smiled, gesturing to Joel. “Is it cool if I dip out?” Dina nodded, smiling. 

“Yeah, Jesse should be here soon, if he ever fucking gets out of bed.” Dina smirked and watched Joel and Ellie leave, talking on the way out happily. Ellie seemed looser after meeting some friends, something Joel was relieved at. 

“Oh, Maria told me to tell you that she dropped some stuff off at the house. She said Tommy took some of it from Texas.” Joel nodded, sighing when he remembered Texas and all that took place there. He wanted to go back eventually, though he knew there was probably no point anymore. He didn’t want to see what had become of his home… he didn’t want to see where he had been forced to bury Sarah in the backyard. “Hey, so: I was thinking we could watch another movie tonight? But not a scary one, I think I’m good for now.” 

Joel started making the sounds of a chicken and Ellie rolled her eyes, hitting his arm. “Shut up, old man. I bet the first time you saw that you were shitting your pants.” Joel smirked and looked down to Ellie. The green house sat in front of them and they both entered. Joel saw Ellie trot through the house and run towards the box Maria had left. It was full of photos and old clothing of both Sarah’s and Ellie’s Tommy had taken from Texas long after her death. “Damn, you were young, Joel.” Ellie laughed, taking a photo of Joel and Tommy from the box, an evil smile on her lips. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Joel smirked, heading towards the kitchen and preparing to make them lunch. Ellie began fishing through more of the things, making a mess on the floor. Joel took more food from the fridge, placing it on a tin and then in the oven. He watched the food slowly begin to cook, still unbelieving at the privilege of heated food once again. He was grateful, mostly for Ellie’s sake. She was much too skinny, especially after David. Her sense of self confidence had been shattered and she barely ate anymore, but now -since the food actually was somewhat good- she slowly began to gain an appetite again, but very slowly. 

And then, Ellie saw it. It was a small polaroid of Joel and Tommy in the middle of some forest. They both had armor on their chests and revolvers in either of their hands. They almost looked like actual cowboys… and then she saw the symbol on the bandana tied around their necks.  _ They were hunter scraps.  _

Ellie’s eyes widened and she suddenly felt her throat close around her. She looked back up towards Joel, but he was facing the kitchen. Betrayal bled through her and she looked back down to the photo, glaring at the smiles on their faces.  _ Joel was a hunter… Joel was a hunter. He was a hunter.  _ Ellie thought, staggering back and dropping the photo. The glass shattered on the floor and Joel spun around, quickly seeing Ellie’s distraught expression. She was spacing out, but then her gaze moved to Joel… and the tragedy and hurt that was mixed in with her look broke him. “Ellie, what’s wrong?” He asked, moving towards her, but she held her hand up, keeping her distance from him. “Ellie-” 

“ _ You were a hunter _ ?” She asked, her voice silent as she looked back down at the photo, tears pooling in her eyes. Joel’s eyebrows knitted tightly and he tried to take another step towards Ellie, but she backed up, falling onto the steps and landing on them. She quickly scrambled up them, almost trying to escape Joel like she had to fear him. 

Joel’s heart broke and he watched her run up the steps, tears running down her face at what she felt like was a betrayal.  _ Did… did he ever…?  _ Ellie thought, slamming her -or, Joel’s door- behind her. “Ellie, let me explain, please.” He begged, racing up the steps after her and quickly forgetting any food in the oven and meeting his door when he got to Ellie. “Ellie, please, it ain’t that black and white, I swear.” 

Ellie curled up on the other side of the door, not letting any sound escape from her. Joel knocked on the other side, sliding against the door desperately. He tried the knob but she had locked it and he peeked through the keyhole, seeing a mess of red hair. “Ellie, please… it was only for a few months, it was right… right after Sarah. I just wanted to keep us alive-”

“Did you… did you ever-” 

“Jesus Christ, no, Ellie. I’d  _ never, ever  _ do that. I’d die before I ever did that to anyone.” Joel swore, hearing a shaky breath escape Ellie’s lips. “I promise you, it wasn’t more than a year. We didn’t like it any more than you do.” Joel swore, trying the door again only to find it unlocked. It opened, revealing Ellie, hiding her cries in her head. Joel’s heart broke and he cursed at himself in his head for making her feel like this. 

“I… I can still hear him.” Ellie whispered, grabbing her head like she was insane. Joel cringed, moving towards her, but this time she didn’t hesitate. Anger was still palpated in her face but all of her nightmares from Winter suddenly resurfaced at the thought of Joel being a hunter and doing what David had done to her to some other poor girl. “I can still feel his hands around my throat, Joel. I… I can remember the feeling of…” Ellie cut herself off, her voice finally tipping off of the side of her body. 

Joel instantly took her in her arms as she collapsed, catching her. “Hey, hey… it’s okay. It’s okay.” Joel whispered, hating that she was silently screaming and no one could help her. No one could drag her from the pit of darkness she was slowly falling into. Her fingers grasped for anything but were only returned with cold air sifting across her skin, freezing her and bringing her back to that  _ fucking restuarant.  _ Ellie suddenly let out a scream of anger, wanting to do all of it over again. She wished she could replicate each drive of the blade into David’s skin. She wished she was allowed to do that for the rest of her life, letting her anger chip away although her scars and trauma never would. “I know, I know… it’s okay, baby girl. I’m right here, we’re in Jackson. He can’t hurt you anymore.” Joel whispered. Ellie seemed to let her mind slip from Joel’s past life and realized that the things she’d done to survive were shameful, to her at least. 

Ellie’s muffled cries soaked the back of Joel’s shirt and he pet her hair, suddenly having an idea. In his room was a guitar Tommy had found for him until he could build Ellie one himself. The strings were functionable, maybe a little out of tune, but they’d do the job. Joel went to pick it up and Ellie almost smiled at what she saw. Joel looked up at her, hearing her cries muffle. Gasps still escaped her, no matter how much she tried to calm them. Joel opened his mouth, and it began. 

A soothing voice met Ellie’s and she stayed as close to him as possible. Their feet met and he shared his warmth. His voice was like a warm soup on a freezing winter night. It was one of those nights where you’d pray you would be able to stay in and just curl your toes under your covers. You would be freezing, but Joel’s voice soothed her, calming that burn that was ignited a frosty blue. “ _ Fly me to the moon. Let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars. In other words, hold my hands.”  _

She wanted to cry at his words. She’d never had…  _ this.  _ This love. Ellie never had someone who cared for her, beside Riley. But… a child needed love, and it was something Ellie couldn’t even say the definition of. Until Joel… Joel showed up and gave her anything she needed without question. He never judged her and surrounded her with warmth when the night nipped at her, plaguing her mind with nightmares. 

She thought back to when Joel had played for her just before Salt Lake. A stray tear slipped down her cheek but she wiped it off, focusing on Joel’s voice. She closed her eyes, squeezing them shut and focusing on Winter for the first time in her life. As she thought back to it, the memories began to fade with Joel’s life. Instead of thinking of what David did to her, she thought of seeing him when he first woke up and both the relief and pain that was flooding through her at the time. Ellie took a deep sigh and pushed the memories away once again, but instead of vaulting them away this time, they simply minimized and stopped roaring in her ear. 

“ _ Fill my heart with song, and let me sing for ever more. You are all I long for, all I worship and adore. In other words, please be true… in other words, I love you. _ ” Joel sung, his voice soft and hushed, but it made its way through Ellie’s mind, twisting itself deep in her and sending a warm chill up her body. She held onto Joel’s pant leg as his hands flew across the guitar, playing skillfully.  _ You still owe me those lessons.  _

Eventually, Ellie’s cries began to quiet at Joel’s voice and she patiently listened to his song, still shutting her eyes and remembering his laugh, the smell of his flannels that she wore almost always now. She remembered the joy of their trip instead of focusing on the ladder months and all of the smiles they’d shared. “ _ Fill my heart with song. Let me sing for ever more. You are all I long for, all I worship and adore. In other words, please be true. In other words, in other words: I love you.”  _ A quiet hung over them as Joel looked up, seeing her large eyes stare back at him with tears reflecting in them, though her cries had certainly lessened. 

“I love you, too.” Ellie whispered, suddenly throwing herself into him and feeling his strong grip surround her, thankful she didn’t hate him for his past. She clenched her fingers in his jacket, trying to take all of him and make her surround him. 

“I’m sorry.” Joel croaked, hating the idea of ever doing  _ anything  _ that could hurt Ellie. He bit his tongue, swearing at himself for the attack of memories that she had succumbed to because of him. “I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay… I forgive you.” Ellie whispered, quickly hushing him and leaving them in a state of silence. “I love you, Dad.” Joel swallowed audibly and looked up, a tear strolling down his aged skin. He clenched against her, tightening his grip and letting out a shaky exhale. 

“I love you, too, baby girl.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, thanks so much for reading! kudos and comments are always appreciated! i'm doing a request i got today next chapter, and if you have one, make sure to comment it, anything goes! thinking of doing something more serious in the coming chapters, maybe have ellie start to suspect joel more? maybe someone attacking jackson or something happening to ellie or joel? idk, i'll figure it out. <3 love all of you, guys, have an amazing day!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel and Ellie are able to finally enjoy life in Jackson... until Joel's guilt overtakes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> request: 
> 
> could there be a chapter were tommy is walking past the house and he hears them laughing so he goes up to the window and see's see ellie and joel cooking in the kitchen, and Joel is throwing pancake batter on to ellies face and ellie starts chasing joel around the kitchen both laughing and giggling and then joel turns around and just grabs ellie and lifts her up in the air and ellie playfully laughing, screaming trying to get back to the floor. then tommy walks in he front door right as ellie says "put me down dad" still laughing an giggling and then ellie and joel realize tommy is in the room and heard ellie call joel dad. tommy's not mad obviously lol he's just very shocked of how close they actually were. then tommy asks joel to come talk with him outside and then they talk and joel admits that ellie feels like a daughter to him.

“Did people used to really enjoy this stuff, Joel?” Ellie asked, looking at the white batter as Joel poured it into circles. “It looks like guts.” She whispered, dipping her finger into it and licking it, only to scrunch her face in disgust. 

“Well, ya see, you’ve gotta  _ cook it first _ , kiddo.” Joel teased, finishing pouring the bowl of batter onto the metal platter and placing it into the warm oven, careful not to touch any of the metal in the oven as it had been preheating for quite a while. “Now we wait for it to cook, see, baby girl?” She bent down, looking down through the tinted glass of the oven then back down to Joel. 

“It doesn’t look like it’s doing anything, old man.” 

“Yeah, it’s gon’ take more than three seconds, kiddo. Gee, almost as impatient as your old man.” He chuckled turning around and washing the utensils they’d used to fabricate the milky batter. Ellie sighed, then her face landed on the small mixture of batter that pooled at the bottom of the used bowl. A wicked smile spread upon her face and she quietly picked up the bowl, dipping her finger in it and calling Joel’s name. As he turned around, she flicked the batter at him, splashing it onto his face with a enchanted giggle. “I know you didn’t jus’ do that, kiddo.” He growled playfully, and before she could respond, she felt a jaunting cold splatter all across her shirt. She gasped, looking down at the food decorating her -or, Joel’s- t-shirt. She made sure to protect her bite with a tight bandage, just in case someone happened to look through the window. 

Jackson had been mainly going to the ranch, hanging out at Jessie’s and Dina’s, and Joel. Wash, rinse, repeat. It had been a month since they arrived. Joel, Tommy and Maria all tried to get Ellie to return to school, something she quickly ignored. Tommy and Maria were still strange -but welcome- friends that had appeared in her life. She knew how much it meant to Joel for her and Tommy to get along, so she did, and found she really did like the man. 

Still, Winter still hung over her like a curse. So, she’d just learned to trust Tommy. Comfort around men beside Joel and Tommy was still a luxury she couldn’t afford, not after what she’d been through and done during the fucking nightmares of Winter. Tommy had begun to treat her differently after Joel supposedly told him what’d happened, but he found out quickly pitying Ellie only made her more angry and sad. “ _ Joel _ !” She gasped, dipping her hand in again and this time splattering him, getting frosting and batter all across his clothing. Suddenly, he charged Ellie, holding her up in the air and wrestling her down onto the couch. She escaped him, splashing him once again and making a chuckle escape his lips. Then, he picked her up once again, spinning her around and rustling her around. 

Ellie laughed, slapping his hands playfully and fighting against him. “Dad, let me go!” She giggled, laughing when he finally released her, hugging her and letting her escape. She had batter all over her, covering her shirt and her freckles. Ellie brushed her hair back, a warm -yet rare- smile curled on her lips and she looked up at Joel, her hands sassily placed on her hips. “Alright, you win, old man. I’m gonna go wash up, you got, like, half of this stuff on me. Not fair.” Ellie smirked, slowly walking back towards the restroom upstairs to change. Joel watched her walk up, leaning on the wall and smiling warmly to himself, looking away when her frame finally disappeared from sight. He turned around, only to see Tommy standing in the doorway of the house. His smile faded and he suddenly felt humiliation paint his cheeks.

“Tommy. Sorry, I… I didn’t know you were coming by.” He apologized, wiping the batter from his face and trying to scrub it from his shirt. Tommy smirked, seeing the happiness that had echoed through the house, now made a home by the small family that had inherited it. Tommy didn’t seem to be upset, or think Joel was trying to replace the hole Sarah had left behind. “I, um-”

“Joel, ‘t’s alright. I’m happy for ya.” Tommy relieve him, seeing the judgement Joel thought Tommy would serve him. He looked up to the floor, hearing the bathroom door shut as Ellie, for around the seventieth time, relished the warm water and electricity. “I’m happy for you.” He repeated, relieve the hole that had imprinted in Joel slowly began to fade and be replaced with Ellie’s love, and his love  _ for  _ her. 

“... thank you.” Joel whispered, not used to letting himself be so emotional in front of his brother. Even after Sarah, after what a mess he was… Joel would wait until Tommy was asleep or not around to let his wave of tears hit. He didn’t like being weak in front of his brother. Ellie was the exact same way, which is why the trauma from Winter and the fireflies still nipped at her toes. Joel had learned to try not to do that, mostly because he knew how helpless he felt when Ellie did it. “Thank you, brother.” He murmured again, looking down to the floor and swallowing. 

Tommy chuckled, hoisting himself on the window sill, looking upstairs. “She seems to be a bit better off today.” Joel smiled warmly, nodding in agreement. Ellie had been having less nightmares, though they were most certainly still apparent and common. Maybe one to two times a week, but it was definitely less than it had been outside the walls… where there were still hunters. Even in Jackson, Joel was extremely overprotective of Ellie, something she didn’t even mind. When Joel was like that, she felt safe. If some man looked at her funny, Joel would step in front of her. Ellie knew now not to trust anyone or expect they were a good person. Any man she met, she assumed they wanted to do the same things David had done. 

Jesse and Tommy’s being in her life slowly unhinged that fear, but not quite yet. So, Ellie never left the house alone, even if only going to work in the morning. Joel would drop her off and pick her up, something that Dina and Jesse surely noticed. Ellie could tell they were curious as to why she was so paranoid, but Ellie wasn’t ready to tell yet. Ellie tried not to fall asleep at the ranch if they finished work for the day. She didn’t want Jesse or Dina to see her having a nightmare… she didn’t want them to ask what she was so afraid of… she didn’t want to remember that again. Most certainly, she didn’t want her only friends to think she was as weak as Ellie suspected of herself. 

“Yeah… nightmares are goin’ away longer we stay here. Still there, though.” Joel frowned, seeing Tommy’s tender look of pity for the young girl. Tommy joined Joel in being suddenly tender and protective of the young soul of Ellie. If Ellie ever joined Tommy on patrol of inside the walls, -something that had become current and common as their time in Jackson increased- Tommy did the same thing Joel did. Blocked her from anyone that seemed to make her uncomfortable, and glaring at anyone that gave her a look of ill morals and the same disgusting purpose David had. There were rotten eggs -pedophiles such as David- hidden in Jackson, Ellie knew it. Dina had told her of her own experiences with them, whether it just be her being catcalled while hanging out with Jesse, or men who’d even gone as far as to ask her for things. Jesse -supposedly- was notorious of being overprotective of Dina and had scared away those memories and men that had came for Dina. It was sweet… 

Ellie thought they were sweet. As much as her admiration for Dina began to grow, she pushed it down.  _ They already make fun of me… I don’t need to give those assholes kids another reason.  _ She thought, thinking of all of the times that the boys from school she’d threatened had confronted her, only for her to be forced into silence. She didn’t want to cause any trouble for Joel and her, and it wasn’t like she could just do what she wanted to and kill them, or report all of the times they’d been disgusting to Ellie to Tommy or Joel. Joel would crack their skulls in, and she just a smidge away from being that comfortable with Tommy to say anything. 

Ellie had only had one experience with the men Dina spoke of. It was while Tommy and her were walking around the town, Ellie being given another tour of the shops. A man had tried to touch her, and Tommy responded… well, like Joel would, to be frank. He grabbed the man’s hand and cracked two of his fingers. The pig was forced to have a cast for the remainder of the week and of course, Tommy comforted Ellie afterwards, knowing her past. She just begged him not to tell Joel, knowing what her father would do to the predator.

“Hey, maybe… maybe Ellie should see someone ‘bout it. We got people in town who are, y’know, taught for that.” Tommy spoke softly, seeing Joel shake his head, knowing how Ellie would react to that idea. She still didn’t like sharing her story with anyone beside Tommy, Joel or Maria, in fear that they’d think her weak and her reputation of seclusion would be forfeited. She still didn’t like anyone coming near her. No one  _ did _ , which she was completely and utterly pleased with. 

“I know, but… she wouldn’t do that. Didn’t even like me tellin’ you and Maria ‘bout it.” Joel murmured sadly, looking back down and clearing his throat, changing the subject. “Anyway, uh… Ellie cleared for patrol next week? She’s burstin’ about it.” 

Tommy smirked and nodded, knowing the small girl wanted to get back outside. As horrifying and dangerous the outside was,  _ it was where she belonged.  _ Not in a lie of safety and happiness. Ellie liked getting her hands dirty, and pretending things were normal and she was just a little kid after everything she’d done just made her sadder and more secluded. “Yup. Maria didn’t like it much, but I got her authorized.” 

“Okay.” Tommy suddenly took a sigh, rubbing his hands together and smirking, gesturing towards the door.   
“I should be gettin’ back. Maria and I got doubles, so…” Joel nodded, watching Tommy escape the house and shut the door behind him. Joel sighed, feeling the batter on him suddenly lose its secrecy and he sighed, going to change his clothing as Ellie had. When he passed the bathroom, he heard splashing in the water and smiled. Joel had managed to trade for some bath bombs. They absolutely fascinated Ellie and she learned to rely on the things like a child would on a stuffed animal. She was excited by the things, so Joel tried to get them when he could. 

Aside from that, he’d also found paint for Ellie. Something she put to use. Pencil and sketches lined the walls of her room, and she’d begun to paint a mural of the earth on the wall, with the sun on the opposite. The stars were drawn on the ceiling, still to be painted as was the diagram of the Earth. Joel grinned when he looked into her room, seeing wet paint and drips of paint run onto the floor. A jar of dark paint lived in the corner, a dry brush beside it. Ellie didn’t really care about getting any paint on the floor, and as long as she didn’t make too much of a mess, neither did Joel. She wanted to paint his room, too, something he worried he’d regret admitting to. His only rule was no curses, and nothing pink. 

He retreated to his room, awaiting the bathroom’s liberation. He took three boxes from his room, moving them downstairs and looking at the titles.  _ Halloween, Jurassic Park, Star Wars: A New Hope.  _ It was Monday. It was a movie night. Sarah and Joel always had movie nights on Monday. And Ellie was his daughter… Joel realized with a cold guilt he’d never told her that. So, he headed upstairs.

Ellie had emerged from the bathroom and was drying her hair with her hands, patting it and tying it back into her signature ponytail. He knocked on the open door, showing his presence. She held a guitar in her hand and was strumming the strings. Joel had began to teach her and she barely knew the basics. He was still to make her her own, however. “Ya look a lot less dirty.” Joel smirked and Ellie rolled her eyes, setting the guitar down and looking at him expectantly, seeing the words that were seconds from falling from his tongue. 

“You okay? You look pale, old man.” She asked, pressing her hand to his forehead. He chuckled, shaking her off and looking her deep in the eyes. He was quiet, the same quiet after she’d first waken up in Salt Lake. It was riddled with guilty words, words both Joel and Ellie knew he had to tell her at some point, but they were hidden just below his skin. “Joel, what’s up?” She asked, seeing his serious expression. She took his hand, looking at him worriedly and awaiting his explanation. 

“No, nothing, I… I just…” He sighed, shutting his eyes for a second and reopening them. His hazel eyes were dark with care for her and he looked up to her, meeting her eyes. She was clearly confused and squeezed his hand, imploring him to say something. “We’ve come so far together… we crossed the country.” Joel leaned against the wall on the bed, Ellie sitting cross legged before him, her face etched with confusion and worry. “And, I’ve almost lost you…  _ so many times. _ ” Joel swallowed, his voice dry. He bore into the comforter below him, but then looked up, staring right into Ellie’s eyes. She was scared by his seriousness, and took both of his hands, her eyebrows knitted upwards. 

“And, I’m still here. And… I’m not going anywhere, Dad.” She whispered, squeezing his hands and looking into his eyes. He broke their gaze, staring down again and sighing.  _ I need to tell her…  _ He didn’t want Ellie to hate him.  _ He did it to protect her.  _ What was so wrong with that?

He knew how much the fireflies and the cure meant to her as well, so he shut his mouth, sealing that part of him off until eventually she would confront him later on. “And, if I were to lose you… or you… lose me…” Ellie shut her eyes at even the mention of Joel not being around her and felt a pain run through her. “I want you to know how much I love you, Ellie… you… you know I lost Sarah. And, I thought I’d never breathe right again. And… then, you came along… with your stupid little jokes an’ everything.” He took a shaky breath and felt a tear run down his cheek. Ellie’s finger wiped it away quickly. She squeezed his hands and looked up at him, her eyes watery and concerned. 

“Hey, where’s this coming from?” She asked softly, placing her hand on his shoulder, but once again, he ignored her words, wanting to say his part. 

“Ellie, if anything… if anything was gonna happen to us. I just want you to... I love you, baby girl. You're my daughter. I love you." Ellie felt a tear stroll down her cheek and she looked up to Joel, frowning when she saw something change in him, and an expression of guilt ran over him. Ellie released his grip, fearing what he was going to say. _I love you too._ She whispered to him, but he only shut his eyes at those words, wincing. "I'm telling you this, because... I want... I need you to understand why I did it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i'm not sure if you guys want joel to tell ellie so early. if you don't, tell me and i'll have this be something else and make it later on. though, i know there might be more requests for this season and also more that i want to do and set up for when i write part two and write a potential third season in jackson. if you don't want him to reveal this so early, tell me and i'll retreat it <3 requests are currently open, so if you have any, comment them! <3 kudos/comments are appreciated, and as always, have an amazing day, guys! love you all!


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie recovers from finding out Joel's lie. Tommy helps her to understand and she tries to forgive Joel, not knowing if she'll succeed or not.

“W-what?” Ellie asked him, pulling away from him and looking up, only to see a face of absolute guilt and tragedy on his face. “Joel?” She asked, separating her hands from his and looking up towards him, searching his eyes. And this time, _there was a trace. A trace of a lie._ A trace of something horrible -a horrible lie, maybe- that resonated deep in him, like a caged beast. “Joel, understand what?”

It suddenly dawned on her that he was talking about the fireflies, and her face twisted into an expression of horror. “Joel, what are you talking about?” She stood up from the bed, her lips parted as her breathing began to quicken. “What did you do?” Ellie shakily asked, looking to Joel. He looked to her, and instantly, she felt a sickness rise in her and it felt like she was going to throw up. She backed away from Joel, seeing the words in his gaze. _He hurt them… he did something to them. He did something to Marlene._ “What did you do?!” She suddenly gasped, moving away from him as if he were a threat. 

Joel stood, trying to move towards her but she backed up, going as far away as him so that she was pushed up on the painted walls. “Joel… I swear to God, tell me what you did. If you fucking lie to me again… I’m gone.” She croaked, looking at him with a fury in her eyes. Her features were scrunched together and she looked down at him, her hands clenched into fists to the point her nails dug into her palms, making them bleed. 

“They… they were going to hurt you.” Joel whispered and Ellie felt as if a bullet had gone through her. Joel’s expression was enough of an answer. _He killed them. He slaughtered them, he murdered them._ Ellie felt a weight suddenly bring her down to the floor and she tumbled, landing on her hands. “Ellie, they were going to kill you, I had no-”  
“You _killed_ them? You… where’s Marlene?” Ellie suddenly remembered, fearing the answer. Joel looked down, answering Ellie’s question. Tears screamed down her cheeks and she let out a horrible whimper, clasping her hand over her cheeks. Joel moved towards her again but she scrambled up, moving away from him. “You… you killed the only person who’s ever cared about me. You killed her… why?!” Ellie screeched, tears flooding her skin. Bags decorated her eyes and Joel felt like he was going to die. 

Marlene had almost been a mother figure for Ellie, _almost._ And Joel took that away from her forever. He wondered if he buried her or just left her to decompose and be food for the maggots. Ellie looked up to Joel, betrayal and hurt muddied through her features. “Making… making a vaccine… would have killed you. I couldn’t lose-”  
“So it was going to _work_?” Ellie spoke barely above a whisper and when Joel, once again, remained silent, she had her answer. Ellie almost could breathe as she collapsed into a pile of cries, falling against the wall behind her and hiding her head in her hands. First, she was sad. _There could have been a cure. I would have meant something. And Joel took it away._ And then, it turned to anger. Joel moved towards her, bending down and placing his hand on her shoulder, but she retracted from his grip like she’d been burned. Ellie let out a sob looking at him, tears clouding her vision. She could make out Joel’s desperate face through the tears but she shook her head, pushing past him towards her room. 

Without even listening to his words, she took her bag and her gun, then heading down the steps, away from her father. Every step away from him felt like she was sinking into a darker and darker pool that only Joel could save her from, but she didn’t want the help. She deserved to drown in the darkness, because she was the reason there was no cure. And she was the reason that hundreds of people continued to die each day… Joel made sure that guilt was now on her shoulders, whether he meant to or not. “Don’t _fucking_ touch me!” She screamed, moving away from him and threatening to move out of the door any second. “There could have been a vaccine, Joel! I could have saved _hundreds_!” Ellie sobbed, still not able to breath exactly right. 

“And to do that, you’d need to die-”

“I would have been _fine with that_ !” She broke down, shutting her eyes and shaking her head, trying to wake up. _This is just a nightmare, I’ll wake up. This is just a dream, it’s a dream, it’s a dream, it’s a dream, it’s a dream. This isn’t real._ Ellie prayed, squeezing her nails into her palms in an attempt to wake herself up, but no such gift presented itself. When she opened her eyes, Joel was still staring at her like a broken mirror, trying to see anyway to fix the mess he’d made. “You killed Marlene. You took the only reason I had to be alive away from me…” Ellie suddenly couldn’t breathe. She gasped for air and exhaled with cries. 

Joel watched, frozen. Terror was ripping through him and it felt like someone had wrapped a bandaid around all of his body then ripped it off in an instant, making all of him bleed with pain. She once again sunk to the floor, her bag falling forgotten beside her. The only sound was Ellie’s cries and Joel bended down, sitting beside her, unsure of what to do. Would it be better if he was just silent, or would he make it worse? “Losing you would have-”

“ _Don’t._ Don’t try and make me feel guilt for this.” She pleaded, her anger still forcing its way out of her towards him. He sunk his head down, looking down at his own hands in self-disgust. It was his fault. It always was, he knew that. 

“They weren’t even going to give you a choice, Ellie. They were going to kill you in your sleep.” Ellie looked up, quieting for just a second. Part of her pitied Joel, imagining herself in that situation. But that part was temporarily muted by the shock that fluidly laced each one of her limbs, strangling her. 

“So, you killed them.” Ellie whispered, shaking and standing, shaking her head and shutting her eyes. “No, I… I can’t do this right now. I can’t be here.” Ellie murmured, taking her bag and trying to walk towards the door. Joel grabbed her hand, making her look back with tears coating her face, dripping down onto her shirt. 

“Ellie, please… please, don’t leave, please.” He begged, tears interrupting his voice. She removed her hand from his and looked down, inspecting each splinter in the floorboards and every blade of grass that stuck from them due to the age and mishandled renovation of the house. “They were going to _kill you._ ” Joel whimpered like a child, breaking Ellie’s heart and she let out a shaky sob, meeting Joel’s eyes. 

She could see guilt, she could see tragedy, she could see _absolute terror_ in his eyes… but there was no regret. He didn’t regret any of the choices he made. She only clasped her hand over her mouth and let tears spill onto her skin. Her throat hurt from crying and she succumbed to the pain for just a second, breaking away from the physical world. 

She traveled back in her memories to right before she’d nearly drowned. Ellie traveled back before the bombshell sent metal into her, killing her instantly. 

_“Do you promise we’ll be okay?”_ That I’ll be okay? _Was her true question. Fear had built up in her when she thought of what would happen if the vaccine didn’t work and she didn’t want to pin all of that on Joel. Part of her wished that he’d leave her so she didn’t burden him, but that part was extremely subdued._

_“I swear on my life.” Joel answered instantly, whispering the words directly in her ear to make sure that she heard them and that it resonated within her. “They’ll just take some tests, maybe some blood… then we’ll go… alright?” Ellie inhaled a deep flush of air, nodding in his chest and pulling herself from him slowly. “Hey… I love you.” He praised her softly, caressing her jawline with his fingers. She nuzzled against his grip and nodded, looking up at him sadly._

_“I love you, too.”_ Ellie opened her eyes and bit the inside of her cheek, looking at Joel. It was almost as if, in real time, his hair was graying and skin was sagging from the stress. “Fucking…” Ellie hissed, letting her sentence hang and she stepped away from Joel again, who was letting silent tears drip onto the floor panels. He was silent, unsure of how to make Ellie feel any less guilty, or even a little bit better. “I can’t be near you right now… I’ll… I won’t leave, but I can’t be near you right now.” Ellie saw Joel almost be resurrected from the dead and with that, she slammed the door behind her as she ran from the house, tears dripping down her face and making her eyes sting. She ran as far as she could until she made it to the edge of the wall. She slipped through the fence, scratching her skin on one of the sharp ends. And like that, Ellie was gone. She ran until her legs hurt and she had no tears left. Finally, she stopped, taking a long, grieving breath. “Oh, my God.” She croaked, collapsing against a nearby tree and falling against the bark, letting it pull her hair and scratch her back, inflicting pain in her nerves. 

She cried in her chest, not paying attention to anyone or anything else except the burning hot pain that bled through her nerves. Joel _killed Marlene._ Marlene was the _only_ thing she had before him, the only one who was close to giving any shits about her. And now, her body was laying in some hospital, becoming food for the worms and maggots with a bullet hole between her head. “Jesus Christ.” Ellie whispered, shaking her head as her hands trembled. 

There _could have been a cure._ She could have made a vaccine, millions, maybe even billions, could have been saved. And Joel took that from her. He ripped it away from her as if it didn’t mean anything. He knew how much she cared about the vaccine and she didn’t even give her a say… though, neither did the Fireflies, apparently. 

It was bittersweet: she wanted _so desperately_ to just hate Joel and blame solely him, but he was right, their morals were thrown out of the window when they didn’t give her a choice about her death. She would have said yes, but it was still immoral to not wake her up. She almost understood why Joel had done it, but the fresh shock and anger blinded her temporarily and chained away the chance of forgiveness. 

Ellie couldn’t leave Joel. No matter how angry was, she couldn’t bring herself to hate him, and because of that, she hated herself more than she did the previous day. It was all her fault there was no cure. Maybe if Marlene didn’t hand her over to Joel, he wouldn’t have done anything to stop her death… and then she imagined herself in that situation. 

She shut her eyes and imagined herself in the hospital, watching as Joel’s head was being separated from his body before her. She winced, seeing the doctors cut into his brain while she was forced to watch, not able to even do anything. She tried to stop it, so she launched up but before she could do anything they shot her, ending her life. 

She gasped, letting out a scream from the sudden day terror and looked around her, realizing she’d fallen asleep. But from the outset of the trees, she saw a pair of eyes looking back at her. At first she thought it was Tommy, or maybe Joel… but it wasn’t. Ellie squinted, wiping her tears and looking at the pair of eyes, but suddenly, they ran away deeper into the forest. 

She was still barely able to breathe due to the shock, but she swallowed, trying to wipe her tears and brush her hair back. _What the fuck?_ She shakily thought, following the set of footsteps on the ground with her knife in her hand. Ellie realized she suddenly missed Joel and mentally stabbed herself at the thought. _Why can’t I hate him?!_

“Hello?” She asked, following where the footsteps had led. They were small, maybe around her size. Suddenly, a branch broke behind her and she gasped, turning around. When she turned around, she saw Tommy, staring back at her with a concerned look. 

“Ellie? You alright, what happened?” He asked, taking her hand and seeing the tears on her face. Ellie let out a relieved breath and suddenly, ran into Tommy’s arms, feeling him hug her back in a confused matter. “Are you okay?” He asked, clearly confused. Ellie only cried, pretending Joel was holding her instead of the younger Miller. “Ellie, are you alright?” Tommy pulled Ellie off of him, looking down at the small girl and seeing her tears.

“He… he killed all of them.” Ellie whispered and Tommy widened his eyes, seeing she’d figured out Joel’s secret. He cursed under his breath, taking a dragged sigh and looking around, unsure of what to do. He’d never had to do anything like this before. The closest he ever had to parenting was when Sarah was alive. “He killed Marlene.” 

“Oh, Ellie… here, c’mon. Let’s get you fixed up.” She nodded hastily, letting Tommy hold her hand and move back towards the wall, then to his house. He looked back at her, unsure of how to comfort her. He only squeezed her hand, but she was consumed in her thoughts and was on autopilot, not really paying attention to anyone or anything. People gave her strange looks as he led her into the house, shutting the door behind her. “It’s alright, Maria’s out at the nursery today. Just us.” Ellie nodded, feeling him sit her down on the couch and go into the bathroom to get a medical kit. He quickly returned, looking in her eyes. “Hey, Ellie… Ellie.” He shook her gently, looking in her eyes with pain. 

“Yeah… yeah, I’m fine.” She whispered back, looking up at Tommy, who kneeled in front of her and grabbed her arm, beginning to clean the small cuts. 

“No, you ain’t. What happened?” He asked, his voice soft, just as Joel’s. Her breath shook and she looked down, swallowing hard and then meeting Tommy’s eyes again. Pain blossomed in her emerald irises and Tommy could see her thinking about the fireflies, thinking about the failed and bloody vaccine. 

Silence fell between them and Tommy looked down to her, frowning. She met his gaze and Ellie exhaled, her eyes full of tears and hurt. “He killed all of them.” She whispered in horror, squeezing her eyes shut and letting the silence ring in her ears. Tommy frowned, looking between the house and then Joel’s -which was barely visible from the window- with a pout. 

“He did it to protect you.” Tommy replied softly, squeezing her hand and looking her in her eyes in the lighted house. “Ellie, after… after Sarah died… Joel was a mess.” He murmured, looking down and gulping audibly. Ellie shut her eyes, not wanting to imagine Joel like that. Anger still bled through her, hiding underneath her cheeks. She understood what losing her would have done to Joel, and she only felt even more guilty because of it, because she knew, somewhere back in her mind, there was a _chance_ that if awoken, she would’ve rejected the idea. “He couldn’t do that again.” 

“Tommy, how are you not mad at him? The Fireflies were your group. He killed all of them-” 

“Ellie. They were going to kill you… they didn’t even give you a choice. Reckon I would’ve done the same thing.” Tommy looked at her warmly, smiling at Ellie like a puppy. She sighed, hiding her head in her hands and looking down towards the floor. Tommy sighed, placing his hand on her chin and making her look up at him. “Hey… give him a chance, at least?” Tommy asked her, almost pleading with her. “Please?”

Ellie cursed under her breath and nodded, letting Tommy release a breath and rub her shoulder.”Fine…” Ellie whispered, looking back up at Tommy. “Thanks, Tommy.” Tommy nodded, smirking at Ellie. She frowned sadly and wiped her tears, sniffling again. 

“Hey… he’s an idiot… but he loves you, Ellie. He loves you like he loved Sarah.” Ellie felt her throat close around her and she hid her head in her hands once again, feeling Tommy rub her back gently, trying to comfort her. “I’m not saying you need to forgive him right away, just… give him a chance. Please.” Tommy asked her, bending down in front of her and making her look him in the eyes. 

Ellie rolled her eyes and nodded, frowning. “Fine… fine, I’ll go talk to him.” Ellie whispered, seeing Tommy smile and thank her. “Thanks… Tommy.” Ellie whispered, shutting the door behind her and lingering outside of the door for a while. 

As she approached, she was laggard and slow. Another set of footsteps appeared behind her and before she could even react, she felt someone holding her hand and tugging her. “Ellie! I’ve been looking all over for you, I got worried when you didn’t check in today.” Dina smiled at her, but the girl’s lips immediately fell when she saw the state of her friend. “Hey, what’s wrong?” She asked, dropping Ellie’s hand and throwing her shoulder around Ellie, looking down at her. 

“I’m fine, I just… I’m fine. I’ll be back in a couple of days.” Ellie -for the first time ever- tore herself from Dina’s grip, leaving the taller girl with a concerned expression and a lingering hole in herself. 

“Ellie!” Dina called after her, watching the girl hesitate in front of the door of her house, before entering. Dina shook her head and stood there, confused and worried. 

Ellie opened the door and she saw the mess she left. It was chillingly silent, but there was _crying_ from the second floor. Ellie cringed, scrunching her features and shutting her eyes, feeling guilty. _This isn’t my fault. It isn’t… it is. This is all my fault._ Ellie fought herself, placing her bag down on the ground and taking a deep breath. She released her hair and tied it up in a neater ponytail, mentally preparing herself. Finally, she climbed the steps, stopping in front of her own room. Ellie hesitated, taking a deep breath before knocking on the unfinished paint of the door, cringing at the goofy stars she’d painted all across the room. It felt like the only chance she had at being happy had been ripped from under her and things she considered fine were now steps away from death. “Joel?” Ellie croaked, opening the door. 

She opened it to find Joel staring back at her, his eyes puffy but his skin creepily dry. In his hand was the photo of Ellie and her mother. He looked down at the photo of Ellie as an infant and smiled, opening his mouth. “You were a cute kid.” He said softly, looking up to him. 

Ellie placed her hands on her hips, looking down towards the ground, squeezing her nails into her palms. “What you did was fucked, Joel.” Ellie said harshly, her tone ending quickly as she paced around the room anxiously, trying to get the look of Marlene’s rotting corpse from her brain. Pain bled through her and she squeezed her eyes shut, letting a tear already drop from her skin. Joel watched with a pain in him, sitting on the bed with his legs falling onto the floor. “It was fucked…” Ellie mumbled, sitting on the opposite side of the room with her hands on her knees. Ellie looked towards Joel and saw his broken expression, though, there was still no regret in his face. 

“I was supposed to die in the hospital… and you took that from me. I would have _fucking_ mattered, Joel.” Joel squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head as Ellie’s voice broke. Her breath was shaky and she shut her eyes, letting her body succumb to sadness. Her anger had lessened and she was left in a disaster of sadness and regret. 

“You do matter.” Joel spoke clearly, clearing his throat after each sentence and tightening his grip on the comforter below him. “I’m never not going to protect you, Ellie. And I protected you… and I’m not going to apologize for that.” Joel mumbled, looking down and seeing Ellie’s face fall. 

“You’re such an asshole.” She breathed, covering her face with her hands and letting out a small cry. But, she recovered herself trying to get out a few clear words. Joel frowned, looking down again and trying to think of something to say, to make even an ounce of guilt or pain lift from Ellie’s shoulders onto his. But he couldn’t. His decision was made and there was no going back… but he didn’t want to go back. _He saved her._ That was something he wouldn’t apologize for. “My life would have fucking mattered, Joel. I could have saved so many people-”

“It doesn’t matter if you die. The world would still be a hell with you dead, Ellie.” He responded strictly, passion spilling from his eyes and onto the floor beneath him. Ellie shut her eyes, feeling pain run through her. She stood abruptly, wiping her eyes and looking up to Joel. He was still almost taller than her when he sat, something that still worried him. 

“Fucking…” She swore, shutting her eyes and going back to that night just one more time… that snowy fucking night. Everything they did… it was all for nothing. Everything Ellie had to see and do was all for nothing, and it was Joel’s fault. But… Ellie needed him. No matter how hard she tried, she always would need him, no matter what he did. “What you did was fucked Joel. It was fucked up... was she really going to kill me?" Ellie suddenly asked, looking up at him. "I thought she loved me. Or even liked me, in a non murderous way."

"Marlene was focused on her mission, baby girl... but you're not alone. I promise." Ellie swore, turning away from him and wiping het tears.

"I should hate you. I should be furious at you right now. You took away the only reason I mattered, and I can't hate you. You killed Marlene.."

Ellie took a deep breath and stared at him, sitting next to him on the bed. “But, I… I still need you... and no matter how mad I should be at you... I can't do it." Ellie croaked, seeing him take a breath for the first time that day. He couldn’t stop as tears pooled over his eyes and he nodded, feeling Ellie -still angrily- take his hand and squeeze it. Though, she didn’t hug him, she didn’t tell him how much she loved him. She sat there, her expression hollow and guilty.

“And, I… I want to learn to forgive you. I need time. But I want to forgive you.” 

“I’d… I’d like that.” He responded, carefully wrapping his arm around her just as Dina had done, cautious not to upset her. It was like she didn’t even feel him, she just bore her eyes into her canvas sneakers and sniffled, wiping her eyes and nose. 

“I can’t hate you. No matter how hard I try, I can’t hate you.” She croaked, almost feeling guilty from it. He killed the Fireflies, he slaughtered them… but she couldn’t bring herself to hate him. Some part of her didn’t allow it, and she was grateful. Joel was silent, watching her expression carefully. Finally, she turned to look at him, her eyes red and puffy. Without saying anything, she hid her face in Joel’s shoulder and let out small cries. He slowly wrapped his arms around her, testing her new boundaries. She wanted to do anything but cry, but she couldn’t. 

“It’s okay, baby girl… We’re okay.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jeez, this chapter took quite a long time to write because i wanted to make it perfect. had like three pages i cut out, a couple i added, a whole different scene i changed, so i hope you guys liked it. definetly was very emotional writing this, so i hope that had the same effect on you guys, haha. requests are open again, but the next few chapters will include ellie slowly forgiving joel and trying to learn to understand why he did it. kudos and comments are very appreciated, and as always, if you guys have any asks for a chapter or requests, comment them! I hope you enjoyed. as always, have an amazing day, lovelies!


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Joel's relationship recovers from his massive lie; she tries to forgive him, slowly succeeding and winning the war within herself.

It was quiet as they ate. Ellie was watching something on the television and Joel sat behind her near the island, watching her with a frown. She didn’t hate him, and she was trying to forgive him, but there was still a massive rift through their relationship that temporarily shook their dynamic. She was quiet, eating her food and pretending to listen to the cartoon, though it was clear her mind was elsewhere. Joel sighed, looking to Ellie and finally saying something. “Hey, Ellie.” He whispered, still testing her new boundaries. She looked over to him, her eyes tired. Ellie nodded in acknowledgment, awaiting his question. “I… uh, reckon you’d like to come patrol with me in two days?” Joel asked, seeing Ellie’s smile break across her face, though it was more minute than it would have been the week before, before she knew anything about what Joel did. It’d been six days since the chaos… Ellie had a relapse in her nightmares, something that made the guilt taking both of them over. 

“Yeah… yeah.” Ellie grinned, slowly moving towards Joel and hugging him, but the movement was much more awkward than usual. Joel frowned, seeing Ellie’s face die again. Abruptly ending it, she suddenly drove herself deeper into him, forcing his arms around her. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, trying to remove herself but he held her, cherishing the feeling of Ellie in his arms again. 

A moment of silence fell between them and Ellie sighed, fearing the thought of losing Joel. No matter how many times she tried to make herself just feel a second of hate,  _ she couldn’t. Ellie loved him.  _ “Joel, I… I think I would’ve done the same thing.” Ellie suddenly whispered her voice muffled, though part of her had sealed him off from her. She was still angry, but again, she couldn’t bring herself to hate the kind old man. “I… I can’t forgive you yet, but… I think I understand.”

Joel swallowed, tightening his grip around the girl and looking down, testing her shields. He brushed his hands through her hair, feeling no resistance. “I’m sorry.” Joel whispered. He wasn’t sorry for rescuing her, but for making her feel so guilty and making her feel it was  _ her  _ fault there was no vaccine. That was his only regret of that day. 

Ellie sniffled, giving him no response. She shut her eyes, feeling all of the weight and memories that were slowly drowning her scream at once and she suddenly let out a cry. “It was all for nothing… everything we did.” 

“Hey… that ain’t true. Look at me.” Joel murmured, cupping her jaw with his face and looking straight into her eyes. They were still distant and a trace of her anger that was pointed towards him remained, not exactly hidden deep in her. But, Joel believed- no, he knew he deserved it. “Look at me. I got you out of this, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.” Ellie only seemed to frown at that and she hid in Joel’s arms. He took her hands, seeing her wince from it. Joel’s eyebrows knitted together and he looked down, seeing bruises on her knuckles. “Hey, hey… where’d these come from?”

Ellie looked down, her expression turning into a scowl. “Hey… where’d you get these?” Joel asked again, sitting up and rubbing the bruises, looking down to the couch then back up to Joel. 

“Nothing… Those assholes from school jumped me yesterday.” Joel took a deep breath, getting up suddenly and preparing to talk to Tommy. “Joel, it’s fine! They were making fun of Dina, and sure, they got a few hits in, but I kicked their asses.” Ellie whispered, trying to calm him down, but to no avail. Joel growled suddenly seeing a bruise she’d tried to cover up with her hair just by her ear. His eyes flared and he began to put his shoes on but Ellie grabbed him, shaking her head. “Please, don’t give them another reason to come back.” Ellie pleaded, her face serious and dead. Joel gritted his teeth. He had a very large intention of going to Tommy, but he didn’t want to worry Ellie by letting her know that. “Really, I’m fine, Joel. They were calling Dina a… a…” Ellie squeezed her eyes shut in anger, shaking her head. 

“They hurt you. That ain’t okay.” Joel argued, pushing her hair back and beginning to wash the bruise just below her ear. “This happens,  _ you tell me. _ ” Joel spoke quickly and Ellie nodded, still slightly distant from the events that took place a week ago. This week was the only week that Ellie had slept in her own room, and, God, it hurt Joel. Her nightmares only worsened without him there, but she thought it fit to try and punish herself by not allowing any comfort. Ellie still had an ocean of guilt flowing through her veins. She thought it was  _ her  _ fault Marlene died, and her fault Joel saved her. “Ellie.” 

“Yeah, whatever… I just don’t want you killing them.” Ellie didn’t mean it as an insult, but it came off that way. She didn’t let him kiss her forehead as he’d been able to a week ago, and she tried -and failed- to shut him out. He deserved her anger, but she couldn’t bring herself to it, and she hated herself for that. Marlene deserved for her to be mad at Joel,  _ the vaccine  _ deserved for her to be mad at him, but she couldn’t. If she was, it’d just make her feel more guilty. 

“They bother you again, you tell me.” Joel ordered her and she sighed, nodding. If they even talked to Dina again, she’d be sure that they didn’t walk away so easily next time. She didn’t care about being known as a freak, she already knew that about herself. But, she didn’t want to cause any trouble for their position in Jackson, so she tried to stay away from hospitalizing anyone, no matter how tempting it was sometimes. 

“Yeah, fine.” Ellie replied quickly, returning to her distant state. She looked down to her watch -a gift Joel had managed to trade for in town, it had a cartoon mouse with hands serving as the clock’s face- and cursed under her breath, quickly getting up. “Shit, I promised Dina I’d be there today. I’ll be back later, Joel.” She replied, tying her shoes and slinging her bag over her shoulders. She always carried her gun, her knife, and at least one pipe bomb. Ellie had a large layer of paranoia on her, no matter how hard Tommy, Joel, Maria or Dina tried to dissolve it. 

“Wait, Ellie-” Before he even finished his sentence, Ellie closed the door. He sighed, digging his nails into his skin and chewing the inside of his cheek, cursing under his breath. She was still upset at him, and much more distant than she’d been days ago. It was slowly beginning to wear off, and they’d talked about it and confronted each other’s feelings, still… it’d take time for things to settle again. 

As she walked to the barn, she took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut and hating that their relationship had changed for the worse. She  _ hated that he did that to her _ , but she couldn’t hate him… and that only made her feel worse. Ellie looked up, seeing that Dina was standing in front of the barn, a solemn look on her face. 

Surprise ran through Ellie as Dina suddenly took her in a tight hug, squeezing her as hard as she could. “Hello to you, too?” Ellie asked, confused, but Dina stayed silent, hugging her until finally breaking her away. 

“Thank you.” Dina whispered, their faces inches apart. Ellie’s cheeks turned red and she nodded, flustered by their close proximity. “You didn’t have to do that, they could’ve hurt you.” 

“Oh no, they would’ve whined at me and ran to their mommies. It’s really nothing, Dina, they’re just a little boys’ club.” Dina shrugged, but Dina hugged her again. “Are… you okay?” Ellie smiled, inspecting Dina. Dina let out a small laugh and they walked into the barn, holding hands. 

“Those motherfuckers.” Dina hissed, seeing the bruise on the left ear of Ellie. Ellie shook her off, still not really comfortable with physical contact beyond Joel, and slightly Tommy. “They’re going to regret messing with us.” 

“That they are.” Jesse piped in, emerging from one of the horse pens, dirt already smearing his skin. “We’re getting them back, tonight. You in, newbie?” He asked, meeting Ellie’s eyes. She looked between Dina and Jesse, both of them having evil smiles. 

“Yeah… we’re not killing them, right?” Dina smirked and shook her head, waving Ellie over to her bag. Ellie looked up at her before fishing through the bag, seeing three bottles of spray paint. “I don’t get it, what are we doing with these.”  
“These asshats have a base, right outside the wall. They hang out there after school. We’re tagging it, tonight.” Ellie felt excitement rush through her and she smiled a toothy grin, looking up at Dina with pride. She rubbed the spray-paint can, hiding it in Dina’s hand and dropping her own bag beside Ellie’s. “Once we get done with work detail, we can sneak out through a gap in the fence Jesse found.” 

“They’re going to kill us.” 

“Yeah, but it’ll be funny.” Jesse called, climbing up into the attic of the barn, tossing hay down to Dina, who spread it into the pens. Ellie snickered, beginning to work. It was nice to have friends, especially after Riley and Sam. Both of them killed, Riley having lasted a few years, Sam only a few weeks. The wounds were still fresh, especially the former, but the presence of Dina and Jesse began to dull the pain, replacing it with new flesh. “Plus, I’m pretty sure they learned their lesson after you kicked Chase’s ass.” Jesse laughed, remembering Ellie storming over and pushing Chase against the curb, nearly breaking his elbow. They got a few hits in, but they got off much worse compared to her. “Where’d you learn to fight like that?” 

“At my old school… We were trained to hunt down fireflies. They made us fight against each other.” Dina and Jesse both looked up at her once again, but she didn’t notice their stares and began to brush each of the horses, picking out insects or knots in their manes and tails and braiding them afterwards. 

“Jesus, that’s so gross.” Dina hissed, cringing when she thought of Ellie having to go through that. “But… hey, we’re gonna make sure that you’re going to have the best fucking time in Jackson.” Ellie chuckled, nodding and continuing to braid a dark horse’s mane. Tommy and Earl had taken Shimmer and Theodore out, so there were a few less horses to tend to. 

“Okay… let’s get this done, I want to make those assholes pay.”  
And so, they finished up, dressing in black and crawling through the patch in the fence, prepared to get their revenge. While they were outside, Ellie kept herself armed with her pistol, her knife in her hand. “Can’t belive you guys don’t even know how to use a gun. That’s so stupid… they should teach you how to protect yourselves.”  
“I kinda remember from when my sister and I were travelling around, but I’m rusty. Jesse here’s never had to touch one.” Ellie laughed, but Jesse blushed, ashamed of his privilege. “Don’t worry, you’re lucky. Ellie’s right, it’s fucked out there. I was out there for a year before we came here. And you?”

“Well, I was in a QZ before here for a few years. Me and Joel were on the road for a year and… and a half-ish?” Ellie squinted, trying to remember. Dina noticed that her tone had changed when she mentioned Joel and Joel no longer picked her up from the ranch since last week. She wanted to ask Ellie about it, but they weren’t that close for Ellie to lower her shields around Jesse and her just yet. “QZ’s are just as bad. Joel told me they bombed Boston to clear out Infected while people were still in there. I guess it kinda worked, though.” 

“God, that’s morbid.” Dina frowned, and looked to Ellie. Ellie had given her a shiv to protect herself, and Jesse a pipe to use as a melee weapon. He held it awkwardly, clearly unsure of how to use it. Still, Ellie always carried at least two weapons, making sure they were easily available for her to defend herself. She’d used her bare fists on Chase, but she didn’t have her bag. He’d most likely be dead if she had her knife or her pistol. 

“Yeah-” Ellie was cut off as a branch broke before them and she stopped, holding her hand up and raising her gun. “Wait here.” She whispered, crouching and beginning to inspect the area around the sound. 

“Wait, Ellie, shouldn’t we come with you?”

“No, no use in wasting ammo if it’s Infected. Just, don’t die while I’m gone.” Ellie ordered quietly, venturing into the woods. Dina and Jesse looked at each other, knowing not to follow. Ellie felt her blood pounding in her ears, it’d been so long since she killed something, not even just a human, an Infected. It must’ve been almost two months, and it felt like her natural instincts were being replaced with fake smiles and awkward conversations. “Okay, where are you, fucker?” Ellie whispered, feeling something suddenly throw her on the ground. 

Ellie fell to the ground hard as a stalker pushed down on her, clawing at her face. Ellie screamed for a second, quickly taking her knife and stabbing the stalker in the neck, feeling blood pour onto her shirt.  _ That’s going to be hard to explain to Joel.  _ She let out a grunt, taking her gun and aiming it, firing quickly. 

Dina and Jesse quickly ran to Ellie, seeing her wipe the stalker’s blood from her face and load her gun. “Jesus, Ellie. Are you okay?” Dina asked, eyeing Ellie up and down carefully, concern running through her. Jesse looked at the monster in shock, as if he’d only seen photos of them. Ellie realized with fear that he most likely had. 

“Jesus christ… what the fuck is that thing?” Jesse asked, Dina clearly about to ask the same question. Ellie ripped her knife from its trachea, cleaning the blade with her sleeve. 

“Have you never seen an Infected before?” Ellie asked in utter confusion, her eyes widening when she saw Jesse nod. “Jesus Christ… it’s a stalker. We’re lucky we didn’t run into any clickers, you two would be dead in seconds.” Ellie joked, but neither Dina or Jesse found it funny. They looked at the blood on Ellie’s shirt and watched her continue walking towards the boys’ camp, almost as if nothing had happened. “Hey, catch up.” Ellie shrugged, not understanding why they were so shocked. She remembered when she first saw a clicker, with Tess and Joel just outside the Boston QZ.  _ I was such an  _ idiot  _ back then. I never even got to thank Tess for saving my ass a dozen times… didn’t even thank Joel, either. Does Joel miss her? Does he blame me?  _

“What’s a clicker?” Ellie chuckled, shaking her head and returning his question with silence. Eventually, they made it to the camp, finding no one there, thankfully. Even if they were there, they’d probably continue with their plan. “Here we are.” 

“Welcome to Hell.” Dina waved, relieved they’d made it alive. She wondered how the popular kids were able to even survive the trip to their base and back. They had Ellie to protect them, but the boys had their combined three brain cells and no weapons. It was hard to get a gun in Jackson so young, but Ellie and Joel had their own. Besides, Joel got more from patrols, so they had a steady supply. But as a minor, you had to get a paper to rent one or buy one, and to buy one you needed to have money, something Jesse and Dina weren’t swimming in. 

“This place even  _ looks  _ douchey.” Ellie snarled, looking at different sports balls hanging around. A basketball hoop made from milk crates and bricks hung by their main house. Dina threw a can of spray paint to Jesse and Ellie, a wicked smile on both of their faces. “Let’s make them regret ever looking at us.” Ellie grinned, immediately getting to work on their main house. Soon, a giant black drawing of the boys’ group was on their house, but they were participating in… intimate activities. Ellie snickered, moving to the interior of the house. She peeked around the house, taking a valuable looking pocket knife from the table, hiding it in their house. A small BB gun was on the table and Ellie picked it up, remembering when Riley and her would shoot at rats and dummies as practice. “Assholes.” Ellie whispered, drawing another dick on the wall just above the television in the room. She moved to the bedroom and spray painted: “ _ I tripped over my wife’s bra, it appeared to be a booby trap. _ ” Ellie giggled, finishing the joke with her name signed, proud of her work. She decided she wanted to go further and took her bat, remembering the word they’d called Dina. She squeezed her eyes shut in anger and smashed the bat against their television, shattering it. 

She spray painted on the shattered television:  _ “Fuck you.”  _ Ellie walked out of the building, proud of her work. Jesse and Dina seemed to be painting much less…  _ aggressive  _ things, mostly middle fingers and silly drawings, nothing really like Ellie had drawn. “Like the drawing.” Dina commented, smiling at the cartoon Ellie had drawn on the exterior of the building. “They’re going to kill us.” Dina laughed, watching Ellie spraypaint one last dick on a tree, with her name below it. 

“I’d like to see them try.” Ellie smiled, throwing the empty can of spray paint by the steps of the house. “This will teach them not to fuck with us.” Ellie smiled, resting her arm on Dina’s shoulder. Suddenly, a scream rang through the air, Jesse’s scream. Ellie’s face died and she ran through where Jesse was, seeing a clicker tackling him, seconds away from killing him. She quickly fired, killing the clicker in two shots. Jesse retreated in fear, watching the zombie drop beside him. 

“Jesse, are you alright?!” Dina asked, rushing towards him and bending down beside him. Jesse swallowed audibly, looking in terror towards the thing. “It’s alright.” Dina pulled him into a hug. Ellie’s eyes met Jesse’s and he nodded, thanking her. She nodded back, reloading her gun and placing it in her back pocket. 

“Y-yeah, I’m fine… fucking scared me.” 

“It’s getting dark, we should get out of here before more come because of the shots.” Ellie ordered, lifting Jesse up off of his feet and escorting them out of the camp. Eventually they got back to the ranch, Ellie’s shirt still soaked in blood. She attracted the stares from most of the townspeople, but she didn’t care, she protected her friends, and that was all that mattered. And suddenly, she understood why Joel did it.  _ Ellie would be destroyed if she lost Dina or Jesse _ , especially Joel… and she’d do anything to protect them, like Joel would do for her. And she understood. “Okay, everyone clean?” Dina and Jesse nodded, both of them a little on edge from the night’s climatic ending. 

“Can’t wait to see their faces tomorrow.” Jesse smirked, falling against one of the plush hay bales in the ranch. Dina laughed, watching Ellie pick up her bag. 

“Leaving already?” Ellie nodded, slinging her bag over her shoulders and frowning at her bloody shirt. “Here, we can switch. Don’t want your dad lecturing you.” Dina suddenly went into the attic, throwing her shirt down and taking Ellie’s, then emerging with Ellie’s blood stained shirt. Ellie was now in Dina’s hoodie and it smelled like her. Ellie blushed, murmuring a ‘thank you’ and slipping out of the ranch, her cheeks burning red. 

It felt like she had actual friends in Jackson and she smiled, her cheeks warm. Ellie turned the doorknob, walking into the house and shutting the door behind her, taking a deep breath and brushing her slightly bloody hair behind her.  _ Better clean up before Joel worries.  _ Ellie trudged up the steps, looking around for Joel. 

When she looked into his door, she saw him slumped over in his bed, snoring like a beast. A small smile spread across her lips and she giggled at his loud snores and yawns, imagining him as a large St. Bernard dog. Warmth bled through her when she thought of her future with Joel and she realized: she didn’t want it to end, and she wanted to remove the rut they’d created with the events in Salt Lake.  _ I need him to get over this. So, I need to forgive him.  _

Ellie removed her shoes, crawling into the bed beside Joel and moving herself into his arms, snuggling into him. It was the first time she’d slept in the same bed with him in a week, and she missed it. Ellie shut her eyes, feeling Joel’s grip tighten around her and she smiled, slowly falling asleep with the path of forgiveness slowly crawling into her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading! requests are open, so if you want something specific for a chapter, feel free to comment it! should be an update in 1-2 days, lots of drama next chapter in retaliation for the vandalizing :) love all of you guys, have a good night!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Dina face the repercussions of their revenge on the boys from school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lotta drama this chapter, i kinda wanted to take a break for fluff and hurt/comfort for one chapter. hope you enjoy!

It was around one A.M, and Ellie awoke with a gasp, shooting up and looking around, seeing Joel beginning to stir. Frantic gasps escaped her and she hid her head in her hands, letting her tears dry. Joel awoke beside her and swallowed, noticing she’d decided to stay in his room with him instead of opting for her bed as she’d been doing the past week. He sat up, taking the sight of her in. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, placing his hand on hers and squeezing it. She nodded, sniffling and falling back into the bed. Joel frowned, shaking her again. “Ellie… do you want to talk about it?” They both knew what it was about… Joel sat next to her, making her turn around towards him with his arms. “Hey… you still trust me, right?” He asked, seeing her nod after a second. “So talk to me…” He whispered, stoking a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“It was Winter…” She admitted, looking up to Joel with a sad face. He cursed in his mind and quickly took her into his arms, though he could still see a small bit of hesitance as he hugged her. “I keep seeing him… everything we did was for nothing, Joel. Everyone we killed.” Ellie murmured, shutting her eyes. Suddenly Joel took her in his arms, dragging her upper half into his grip. 

“Hey, no. That ain’t true. You got me, and I got you. That’s worth all of it.” Joel replied, looking down at her. She sighed, nodding and shutting her eyes again, just relishing the feeling of Joel holding her again. “Okay?” 

Ellie nodded, still not wanting to shut her eyes. Joel frowned, holding her hands and looking to the staircase not so far away. “Hey… if you don’t wanna go to sleep again, we could stay up.”   
“All night?” Ellie asked, looking up at him with tired eyes. He sighed, hating that she was hurting because of what he’d done. It was supposed to be the perfect life -in Jackson- but they were both too broken to just smile and live with no worries. The nosy neighbors and the fake smiles only set them worse off, especially Ellie. 

“Yeah… or are you too chicken for another movie?” A small smile tugged on Ellie’s lips and she looked up at Joel, giving him an answer. Whatever resistance she held against him temporarily began to dissipate and she forgot about everything for just a second, and it was just Joel and her. 

So, as the movie began to play, Ellie rested her head on Joel’s shoulder. A throw blanket covered them and though her eyes were on the movie, Joel’s deviated down towards her to make sure she was okay. He relished the feeling of her hugging him and he shut his eyes. The past week of her blowing him off and being cross with him had been a nightmare. He respected Ellie’s anger at him, though… he knew how much the vaccine meant to her. Its failure still lingered over her like a depression, and no one -not even Joel- could qualm her turmoil about it. 

They stayed there until the sun began to shine through the curtains and windows. Ellie yawned, opening her eyes and noticing the movie had ended. She saw the absence of Joel beside her and looked around calling his name in concern. “I’m in here! Making breakfast.” He responded, bending around the wall to wave at her, letting her breathe a sigh of relief.  _ I must’ve fallen asleep again. No nightmares, at least.  _

Ellie rubbed her eyes, brushing her hair back and slowly standing to her feet, her exhaustion still rolling off of her. Ellie looked to Joel, shutting her eyes for a second and squeezing her fists before moving towards him, ready to tell him the truth. “I… I think I know why you did it.” She suddenly whispered to him, making him turn around. “I think… I think I would’ve done the same thing. And I… I think I forgive you.” She breathed, shutting her eyes in guilt when she said the words.

Forgiving Joel felt like betraying Marlene and the want for the vaccine, so the guilt on her back grew. Joel widened his eyes and quickly made his way towards Ellie, hugging her as tightly as he could. “Thank you.” He whispered against her, letting a tear fall from his cheek. Ellie gently hugged him back, suddenly taken aback by a blaring knock on the door. Both of them jumped and Joel disconnected himself from Ellie, moving towards the door. 

More knocks, even louder, banged on the door and Joel cursed under his breath, opening it. As he opened it, someone broke through the door, quickly taking Ellie into a hug, surprising her. Joel recognized it as Jesse from the ranch and shut the door behind him, both Ellie and Joel confused. “Jesse, what-” 

Ellie was cut off as she noticed ashes on Jesse’s clothes, and smoke on his lips. “What the fuck happened?” She asked, seeing the words on his lips.  _ No… no, what happened?  _

“The ranch, they… they set it on fire.  _ Dina’s  _ still in there, I thought Tommy would be here.” Ellie’s eyes widened and she suddenly ran out of the house, running too quickly for Joel to stop her. Her eyes shot open as she saw dark smoke billowing from a distance and she ran faster, her legs on fire.  _ No… no, no.  _

Joel looked from Jesse to Ellie, both of them running after Ellie. Joel ran as fast as he could, catching up with Ellie and stopping her before she could run into the blaze. The entire ranch seemed to be consumed by fire and Ellie’s eyes widened. Jesse stood behind her, horrified. Joel ordered him to go get Tommy and he did, running towards Tommy’s house in a panic. “Ellie, hey, we need to wait for Tommy.” Joel ordered, shaking her vision from the fire. 

“N-no, she could be trapped, I need-”  
“Ellie, listen to me, you can’t do any good if you end up dead.” Ellie looked into Joel’s eyes, sending an apology with her gaze. Before he could grab for her, Ellie broke herself from Joel’s grip, charging into the fire. Joel screamed after her, debating going into the fire to follow her. “ _ELLIE!”_ He roared, seeing her frame disappear in the entrance of the blazing ranch. 

“ _ Dina _ !” Ellie called, squinting her eyes. They began to burn from the smoke and she let out a cough, trudging through the fire. “ _ DINA, WHERE ARE YOU?! _ ” Ellie screamed, coughing into her sleeve. She pushed the memories of Winter down and moved forward, desperation living through her. She had begun to conspire feelings for Dina, and she couldn’t lose someone like that again, not after Riley. She’d deal with the boys who had done this later, she’d kill them. Fire poured inches from her and she blinked from the heat. Her shoelaces began to burn and she panicked, racing through the ranch. “ _ DINA _ !” Ellie screamed, whipping around and panting, trying to breath. 

Finally, a weak figure crawled into sight and Ellie raced toward it, feeling an arm. Dina was barely breathing, her face flushed with color and the tips of her fingers burned. “Dina!” Ellie yelled, hoisting the girl’s arm over her shoulder and helping her stand. “Hey, you’ve gotta help me out here, okay?” Dina weakly nodded, trying to walk with Ellie as she tried to get them out of the barn. Burn’s singed at Dina’s hands, and burns were lying on Ellie’s arms. Soot and ash covered both of their faces and they let out coughs, gasping for air only to inhale more smoke. “Okay, this way, come on.” Ellie grunted, forcing her way through the flames and trying to protect Dina, taking the pain herself. “Hey, come on, come on.” Ellie cursed, finally seeing daylight beginning to meet their face. 

Ellie let out a whimper as she saw that they’d escaped. Bystanders stood before them as Ellie weakley hobbled out of the waves, all of her body hurting. Dina was barely standing and she was barely recognizable, covered by smoke and ash. “Someone help!” Ellie yelled, looking down at Dina, seconds from collapsing in her arms. Jesse appeared beside Ellie, quickly taking the girl from her arms and nodding to her, thanking her between cries. 

“Tommy, where’s… where’s Joel?” She coughed out, limping to the man, seeing her father was nowhere to be seen. When she saw the look on Tommy’s face, her face died and she cursed under her breath. 

“H-he, he went back in for you. Ellie… Ellie!” Tommy yelled after her as she once again ran back into the flame. The structure of the ranch was beginning to collapse and she knew she had little time left. Ellie heard Tommy screaming for her outside, and even the voice of Jesse calling her back. But she pressed forward, screaming Joel’s name. 

“ _ JOEL _ !” Ellie cried, tears making clean paths down her ash covered skin. “Joel, please!” Ellie screamed, barely able to see anything through the smoke and flames. She let out a horrible cough, losing consciousness quickly, but she pressed herself forward, determined to find Joel. “ _ JOEL!”  _ She roared again, and again, a shadow was seen in the distance and she ran towards it, forgetting the burns on her lower legs and limbs. The tips of her hairs were singed and she felt pain bashing in her nerves. “ _ Dad _ !” Ellie screamed, suddenly feeling something collapse onto her. 

A burning piece of wood had fallen onto her, slowly burning her. She tried to wedge her way out, screaming in pain. Ellie’s hands dug in the dirt, slowly pulling herself out. “ _ Joel _ !” She cried, feeling someone suddenly grab her, pulling her with great force from the wood. “Joel.” She whispered, feeling someone throw her over their shoulder. 

He smelled like smoke and ash and Ellie let out a series of coughs, smoke already filling her lungs. “It’s okay, baby, come on. Come on, we’re getting you outta here.” He growled, holding her just below her waist and right above her shoulders, making her face land just above his back. “Come on.” He cringed when she let out more coughs, tightening her grip against Joel and feeling her grip to consciousness begin to dim. “Hey, stay with me, baby girl, stay right here.” He coughed as well, covering her mouth with his sleeve. “Oh, God.” Joel exhaled, feeling they had escaped the near death experience. 

He held her close to him, taking the sight of Tommy rushing towards them in. “Joel, Jesus Christ.” Tommy cursed, taking Ellie from Joel and trying to help her stand, but she almost immediately fell, smoke filling her lungs. “Is she breathin’?”

“Barely.” Joel whispered, kneeling beside Ellie, who was now laid on the ground. “Ellie, baby, you’ve gotta breathe okay? Deep breaths.” He ordered her, seeing that she weakly nodded, trying to take steady breaths. It slowly worked, but she coughed more and more, worrying Joel. “Get me some water.” He told Tommy, quickly taking the canteen Tommy presented him. 

Dina and Jesse were positioned not so far away, the slightly taller girl going through the same orders. Jesse stood beside her as Maria pressed water to Dina’s lips, trying to get her to breathe correctly. Burns littered Ellie’s feet where she’d been trapped, and her arms as well. They weren’t obscenely horrible, but they surely hurt. “Ellie, c’mon.” Joel begged her, fear pounding in his body, screaming her name in his brain and cursing him for not being able to protect or stop her. 

She let out small coughs, slowly being able to take in breath, but due to the smoke, she quickly lost consciousness. “Ellie, hey.  _ Ellie. _ ” Joel hissed, shaking her violently. “Ellie, come on.” Tommy was silent and cursed under his breath, standing. 

“Maria, get her to Graham. Joel, c’mon, we gotta get her to the hospital.” Tommy ordered, meeting his brother’s eyes with a severe fear. Joel nodded, swallowing and scooping Ellie up in his arms, kissing her ashy forehead. Fear and adrenaline was pounding in his head, deafening him. It all had happened so quickly, one moment, they were watching a movie and now, he was holding her limp, burnt body in his arms, her best friend in the same state right beside her. 

“Dina?” Jesse asked, holding Dina in his arms with no complaint. Her ponytail was slumped over and she was barely conscious, looking up at Jesse. “Thank fuck… hey, you’re out, okay?” Jesse asked, but she was too weak to even respond. Dina simply nodded, hiding her head in Jesse’s teenage chest. Jesse gulped, following Tommy and Joel to the hospital. Maria was beside him, trying to comfort the boy. 

Joel suddenly remembered Jesse’s words when he’d first pounded on the door to their home:  _ “The ranch, they… they set it on fire.” Someone did this. Someone did this to Dina… someone did this to my baby.  _ Joel furrowed his eyebrows together and looked with rage down to Ellie, along with the people coming out of their houses to see what all of the spectacle was about. Maria seemed to have ordered guards to put the flames out with old hoses they’d scavenged. The water slowly claimed the flames, but the structure of the ranch quickly had collapsed. 

“Come on, come on.” Joel whispered, trying to shake Ellie again, only to draw a small cough from her. Her eyes were screwed shut and limp breaths were slowly retained from her body.  _ Come on, come on… you are  _ not  _ dying here, Ellie.  _ Joel squeezed his nails into his palms, knowing that someone was behind this.  _ Jesse said ‘they.’ Someone did this to her.  _ Suspicions ran through Joel and a hard glare settled across his face. 

They approached the hospital, though it was really just a slightly larger building with whatever medical machines they’d scavenged. They had the average machines, but nothing fancy, just enough to keep someone alive. “Come on, get them inside.” Tommy ordered, cringing when he saw Dina and Ellie’s state. Both of them were utterly coated in ash and soot, slight burns on each of their skins. “Come on, doctors inside.” Joel nodded, watching as two stretchers were rolled through the building. One of the doctors took Ellie from him, and Dina from Jesse. 

He cringed at the absence of her weight in his arms and watched as she was wheeled off with Dina, both of them barely conscious. Him, Maria, Tommy and Jesse all stood there, unsure of what to do. “She’s gonna be just fine.” Maria tried to comfort Jesse, but it clearly didn’t do much. He slinked against the wall, sitting on the floor with a guilty expression. 

“Maria, go and get both of them some clean clothes, him, too.” Tommy asked, seeing Maria nod. Tommy looked to Joel, who was sitting opposite Jesse, both of their expressions broken. “She’s gon’ be fine, Joel, Ellie’s survived worse than this.” Joel just shook his head, but then, he looked up to Jesse. The boy met his gaze and squeezed his eyes shut, sighing. 

“You said someone did this. Who did this?” Joel asked, his voice hoarse and serious. “Who did this to them?” Joel’s voice was furious as he looked to Jesse, trying to soften his expression when looking at the boy. “I heard you, you told her someone started the fire,  _ who _ ?” Tommy seemed to want to know as well and sat beside Jesse, trying to comfort him. Joel’s vision was trained on the boy. 

Jesse sighed, shaking his head and looking down to his sneakers. His clothing was coated in ash: he’d been taking out one of the horses when it started. First he heard the screaming, and then he saw  _ them.  _ “It… it was those assholes that attacked Ellie and Dina two days ago. We… last night, we tagged their place… we were trying to get revenge, but… I’m sorry, we didn’t think they’d do this. We just thought it was funny.” Jesse croaked, looking to Tommy then Joel. Joel squeezed his nails into his palms and shut his eyes, remembering the bruises that had been on Ellie when she’d gotten into a fight with them. His face twisted into hatred and he suddenly stood, but Tommy stood before the exit. 

“Joel, no. They’re kids, you can’t go and fucking kill them-”  
“They almost _killed_ Ellie, and Dina!” Joel hissed, trying to move past Tommy, but Tommy pushed him back gently, shaking his head. “Tommy, I swear-” 

“You cannot go and fuckin’ kill them. I will deal with this, you stay with them, alright?” Tommy whispered back, his words quick. Joel shifted his weight from foot to foot, clearly not satisfied. Still, he guiltily nodded, sliding against the wall once again with a sigh. “Jesse, your parents should be here soon, alright?” Jesse nodded, not really taking anything that Tommy said. It went through one ear and out the other, all he could think of was Ellie and Dina’s ash covered bodies. 

Tommy slipped out of the door, leaving Joel and Jesse, both of them silent and consumed in their own minds. Though, Jesse looked up, speaking: “I’m sorry. We didn’t think they were going to do anything serious. It’s my fault they’re in there.” Jesse spoke softly, and Joel shut his eyes, shaking his head. 

“No, it ain’t. It’s those assholes’ fault. You didn’t think they were gon’ do anything.” Joel responded quietly, looking down the hallways where Ellie had been taken from him. He wiped his face, making his hands dark with ash. “You should go back to your house and wash up, kid.” Joel spoke, seeing the ash and soot coating Jesse’s face. He shook his head violently, looking back down. 

“No. I’m all Dina has… I need to be here for her.” Joel cringed, empathizing with the boy’s words far too much. Ellie was the only thing he had, and vice versa; and he had failed her. He failed to protect her. 

It was a long few hours. Jesse slipped in and out of sleep, and his parents had tried to take him home at one point, but he violently refused. They talked to Joel for a little bit, but he was in no mood to speak. He only shook his head at them and remained silent, boring his eyes deep into the carpet of the so-called hospital. Finally, they seemed to be done with both of them. One of the nurses emerged from the hallway and began to make their way down the corridor, her boots clicking together. Joel’s and Jesse’s heads both picked up, awaiting her words. 

“They’re both going to be okay. They’re resting right now, but if you’d like to visit them, the doctor said it’d be alright.” Joel felt an ocean of relief run over him and he quickly got up, moving past the nurse and down into the hall, his impatience growing. Each second got slower as he moved closer to the door, finally opening it and seeing Ellie in her hospital bed. 

A hundred pounds seemingly weighed down on him at once as he saw her slumbering figure, dark burns on each of her arms and a look of pain on her sleeping expression. Joel frowned, feeling his throat close around him at the harrowing sight. They’d hooked her up to a heart rate monitor, so a continuous beeping sounded through the room, screaming the fact that Ellie was still alive to Joel with a purpose. Joel gratefully accepted it, slowly crossing the room and sitting in a chair that laid beside her bed. He scooted closer to her, taking her burnt hand that was laid gently across her chest. “Kiddo…” He whispered, pushing the familiar strand of hair behind her ears with a painful smile. 

“It’s okay… you’re okay now.” He kissed the top of her forehead, and suddenly, she began to stir. Joel’s eyes widened and he dropped from the chair quickly, kneeling at her bedside. “Ellie?” He asked, taking both of her hands and looking into her eyelids as they slowly fluttered open. “Oh, thank God.” He whispered, ducking his head for just a moment before looking back to her. 

“Joel?” Her voice was as dry as the sand of a scorched desert and he cringed, hearing it. He nodded, tears quickly spilling over his eyes. “Dina, is… is she alive?” Ellie asked weakly, letting out a small cough and shutting her eyes again. 

“You saved her, baby girl, she’s alright.” Joel swore, nodding and squeezing Ellie’s hand gently. Joel suddenly realized what a miracle it was that she hadn’t been burned on her bite mark and that the doctors hadn’t had to unband it and see it. “Jesse’s alright. They saved the horses, too. It’s alright now.” 

“Remind me… not to try running into a burning building again… this shit hurts.” Ellie croaked, her eyes barely open as she looked at Joel, squeezing his hand with care. His chest hurt when he thought of how much pain Ellie had to be in. They must’ve given her some sort of pain-meds, but they clearly hadn’t settled in yet. “You shouldn’t have… have ran in after me.” She whispered, meeting his eyes. 

“You jump, I jump, baby girl. You run into a snowstorm, I go right after.” He responded, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking down at her. “Ellie… who did this?” Jesse had told his story, but he wanted to authorize the boy’s testimony with Ellie’s. Elle hesitated, shutting her eyes and shaking her head. “Who was this?”

“It… it was those assholes who jumped me. We tagged their place last night… God, I’m such a fucking idiot, I signed my name.” Ellie croaked, covering her face with her hands. “This is all my fault…” Joel shook his head, gently prying her hands from her face and looking her directly in her eyes. 

“No, it ain’t. Those assholes are gon’ pay.” Joel promised, knowing Tommy cared for Ellie as he did, and that he’d make sure that Dina and Ellie got their comeuppance. “The doctor says you can come home if you take it easy, but I reckon with you that’ll be a handful.” Ellie smiled sheepishly, weakly hitting his arm as much as she could. 

“Is Dina up yet?” Joel shook his head ‘no,’ and Ellie frowned, looking down. “Ah.” Ellie winced in pain, hissing and brushing her arm, pressing her shirt against it. Joel stroked her chin lovingly, pain hidden in his eyes. 

“I know, pain meds should kick in soon.” Joel whispered, brushing a strand of hair from her cheek to behind her ear. Ellie nodded, feeling exhaustion take over her. “Get some rest, kiddo…” He kissed the top of her forehead, feeling her relax and fall asleep beneath him. Joel repositioned the chair beside her and took her hand, getting comfortable. He knew he’d be here until she was cleared to go home that night: he’d be right beside her until she recovered. 

Joel wished he could slip into Tommy’s skin and deal with those boys. He knew Jesse already wanted to ‘talk’ to them as well, and Ellie would of course want to murder them once she was better. Dina seemed to have woken up, because he heard laughs on the other side of the door. He smiled, thankful Ellie’s friends were alright; they meant so much to her, and he didn’t want her to have to go through that again… even in Jackson, Riley’s death still haunted her. 

He knew that the anniversary of her death was coming up, something that only worried Joel. With each day it approached, she grew more and more anxious. 

Each breath that rose from her sleeping chest, he praised. Joel remembered his fear when they were in that fucking barn with Ellie coughing her lungs out, slowly dying in his arms. And when she finally collapsed on the ground outside the blaze… he thought she’d died, and any good thing in his life suddenly seemed to become dark and invisible. He heard a knock on the door, and turned to see Maria entering with a fresh pair of clothes for Joel. “Hey…”

“Hey.” Joel responded, still holding onto Ellie’s hands. Maria placed the clothes on the edge of Ellie’s bed and sighed, placing her hands on her hips. 

“The doctors said she’ll be okay… nothing long term.” Joel nodded, murmuring a ‘thank you’ under his breath and turning back to Ellie. 

“And the boys who did this?” Joel asked, his voice in a deep grovel of rage. Maria sighed, shutting her eyes and pacing around the room, her eyes drawing back to Ellie’s unconscious form every now and then. “They need to pay Maria.” 

“I know, Joel, but… Jesus, it doesn’t work in here like it does out there. We can’t just banish them, they’re fifteen.” Joel shut his eyes, letting out a deep sigh.  _ They’re getting away with this.  _ Joel chewed the inside of his tongue, looking up at Maria, squeezing Ellie’s hand in his. 

“So, they’re getting away with this.” Joel snarled, meeting Maria’s eyes. She sighed, shaking her head and turning around. Her electric blonde hair framed her face as she hung her head, picking at her nails. “They almost killed Dina, they would’ve if Ellie didn’t run in to save her.” Joel growled, looking back down at Ellie’s injured and battered body once again, anger resonating in his body and face. “Hell, they would’ve burnt the horses if Dina didn’t run in to save them!” 

“I know, okay? Look… Tommy said he can get them community service and no permissions to go outside. That’s everything we have the power to do.” 

“Bullshit.” 

“Joel, we can’t just kick them out. They’re kids. I’m sorry, but that’s how it is.” Maria sighed, looking at Joel for a moment before walking out, leaving Joel to rage. He heavily breathed, squeezing his nails into his fists and pacing the room, swearing under his breath.  _ Ellie’s just a kid… and she almost died. And, nobody cares.  _ He thought in fury, but he let it boil down, sitting back down beside Ellie. 

His hand rested on his temple and he chewed the inside of mouth, wanting to scream in anger. Though he didn’t want to wake Ellie, she needed her rest, now more than ever. He let it boil down and he sat back down in the chair, squeezing Ellie’s hand.  _ I’m keeping you safe… this ain’t gonna happen to you ever again.  _ He swore, falling asleep by her side and waiting for her recovery. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading! i hope everyone enjoyed this chapter, and there will be an update in a few days. requests are open, so if you have any asks or want to choose what the next chapter will be, just comment it :3! comments and kudos are always very appreciated, and as always, love all of you! have a great day!
> 
> okay, so also, i kinda wanted to talk about this because i was just so excited about it haha. i joined troy's patreon and i actually met troy baker yesterday during a live stream, and i'm still recovering from it lmao since he's such a role model and pretty much my hero, and i just wanted to talk about it since i was so excited. anyway, have a great day haha, i hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie, Dina and Jesse recover from the fire, but little do they know, they're coming back to finish the job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of sexual assault and violence, so if that stuff triggers you, DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER! or, skip the middle and end where that stuff is.

“It wasn’t your fault, Ellie.” Dina whispered, looking over at Ellie. Ellie had regained the ability to walk, so she visited Dina for the first time since the accident. It’d been six days, but Dina was still recovering in the hospital, since she’d been trapped in the fire for nearly three minutes. The burns on her skin had begun to recede, but there was still a trauma coating both of the girls. 

“I know… it’s theirs, and I’m going to make them pay.” Ellie growled, looking at the floor. Dina frowned, shaking her head and taking Ellie’s hand. “They almost killed us.” 

“Don’t give them another reason to hurt you, Ellie. They’re crazy, they’ll kill you.” Ellie sighed, shaking her head and taking Dina’s hand. She sat in a chair next to Dina’s bed and held Dina’s hand, squeezing it. “Is Jesse going to be here soon?” 

“He’s with Tommy… Jesse wanted to be there when they get their ‘sentencing.’” Ellie gritted her teeth when she thought of what the boys had been faced with… when Tommy told her, she nearly screamed at him. She knew it was because of their class. Their families were rich, and respected amongst the community of Jackson, or… the dislikeable part of the community. 

“And?” Dina asked, letting out a small cough. Dina rubbed her hand and frowned when she saw Ellie look down, looking up at Dina with fire in her eyes. “Well?”

“They’re getting fucking community service.” Ellie mumbled, seeing Dina curse under her breath and sit back in her bed. “It’s because they’re fucking rich, they think they’re better than us.” Ellie seethed, squeezing her nails into her own wrists in an attempt to punish herself for not dealing with the boys earlier. “If they come after us again, I’m going to fucking kill them.” 

“No, don’t. They might not get banished but you could, you’re right. They don’t treat them like us.” Dina nodded, looking Ellie right in the eyes and leaning on her own arm to sit up. “If they attack you,  _ don’t do anything _ , just run. I don’t want you to get kicked out, I’ll miss your dorky jokes too much.” Ellie cracked a smile and let out a laugh, looking up at Dina with a small smirk. 

“I make no promises, but I’ll try.” Ellie held her three fingers up, and Dina suddenly took her hand, taking something from her pocket. “For me?” Ellie faked a pleased expression, a giddy smile on her face. Dina took Ellie’s wrist and wrapped a bracelet around it. It was leather and clung to Ellie’s skin comfortably. A large hand charm was on the bracelet and Ellie met Dina’s eyes. 

“It’s a symbol of protection.” Dina explained, rubbing the hand symbol with care and then releasing Ellie’s hand, letting her look down to the bracelet. “Those assholes come after you, you run, okay? I don’t want you getting into trouble.” Ellie nodded, seeing Dina’s concern. Still, part of her knew that she didn’t agree with Dina’s words. If those boys were to come for her, she’d crack their skulls in with joy. 

“Okay.” Ellie whispered, nodding carefully and looking down at the watch that Joel had gifted her. He’d finally agreed to take her on patrols, and they’d gone right before the fire started, the day before, to be exact. Though, the doctors had told Joel and her now that she’d wouldn’t be able to go long distances for a little since her lower body was where the majority of the burns were. It was an absolute miracle she hadn’t been consumed by the fire when that debris had fallen on her. It was an absolute  _ miracle  _ Joel got to her in time. “I should go, Joel said I can only go out for an hour.” 

She’d finally been cleared out of the hospital, but she still spent the majority of the time at home. Joel only permitted her to leave an hour at a time if she was going alone since she wasn’t even supposed to be walking with the burns that were still healing on her body and legs. “Okay… if you see Jesse, tell him to bring his game thingy, I still have to finish kicking his ass in it.” Ellie snickered and nodding, giving Dina’s hand one final squeeze before limping out of the room, taking a sigh when the door closed behind her. A shaky breath escaped her lips and she continued on, heading towards the exit of the hospital. She nodded to the nurse who’d first saved her when she was brought in, and the nurse gave her a warm smile in return. 

As Ellie escaped the hospital and walked the path back to her house, she noticed something odd. A strange feeling settling down her spine, almost like a sixth sense. She turned around, feeling as if someone was watching, no, stalking her like prey. Nothing immediately wrong met her eyes, but the movement of the leaves of a nearby tree set off her sense, knowing someone could’ve disrupted it when hiding behind it.  _ Chill out, Ellie. You’re just on edge.  _

Ellie shook her head, turning back around and continuing down the road. She didn’t have any weapons on her beside her mother’s switchblade, so she simply quickened her pace, just wanting to be back in the safety of the house. 

Once again, another loud  _ clang  _ sounded behind her and she spun around, once again seeing nothing. Finally, Ellie simply ran, knowing that there might have not been anyone, but there was also a good chance that the  _ assholes _ from earlier were going in for the kill. She looked down at Dina’s bracelet, knowing she wasn’t in the shape to fight three or four boys with only a knife.  _ Just this once.  _ She ran, taking a deep breath when she made it to the porch of Joel’s and her house. She looked back, seeing a pair of eyes tracking her from behind a fence. Her eyes widened and she immediately recognized it as the boy who’d tripped her when she first tried school. She glared at the eyes, but they didn’t slink away. 

Ellie suddenly opened the door, shutting it behind her and leaning against the door, shutting her eyes and taking a deep breath. “Ellie, that you?” Joel called from upstairs, and she yelled back a ‘yes,’ letting her adrenaline settle down. She wiped her hair back, taking a breath and climbing the steps. Pain still drifted through her body in her legs and arms, so her travel up the steps was slow. He saw Joel looked down at her from the railing on the steps and she waved, quickly taking him into a hug. 

“Dina feelin’ any better?” He asked with a low tone in his voice, caressing Ellie’s cheek. She shrugged, hugging Joel back before separating her from him. 

“I dunno… the doctor’s said she can be released in a couple of more days.” Ellie whispered, grateful Ellie had survived. She would’ve let herself die, but was thankful it didn’t have to come to that. “They fucking got off with community service.” Ellie snarled, pacing the hallway and looking up to Joel. “What if they try to attack Jesse, or Dina? I can protect myself, but they’re useless in a fist-fight. And what if they attack me? I’ll get in trouble for defending myself.” Joel shook his head, taking Ellie and pausing her pacing. He looked her in the eyes, framing her chin with his hand. 

“Hey… they ain’t gonna go anywhere near you. You three stick together, and if they come after you, you defend yourself. You ain’t gonna get in trouble for defending yourself.” Joel swore, knowing that Tommy and Maria would both vouch for her, as well as Jesse’s parents and Dina. If she were to do anything to them, she’d be free… hopefully. Joel prayed that nothing would happen if she were to defend herself, but the unfairness of penalty in Jackson was true. “Okay? You know how to protect yourself. I’m proud of you, kiddo.” 

Ellie took Joel in a hug, squeezing him hard. Suddenly, a flash of pain ran through her arm where her burns lied and she let out a small hitch of pain, holding it close to her. Joel frowned, unlatching himself from Ellie and bending down, rolling up Ellie’s sleeves. There were slight scars where Ellie had been maimed by the flames and he sighed, kissing the skin. “Reckon it’s time to take those pills the doctor gave you, anyway.” Joel took Ellie’s hand, leading her down to the kitchen and taking two bottles of pills from the counter. One was meant to help her breath after all of the smoke she’d inhaled, and the other was meant to reduce her pain.  _ Methylin and Ibuprofen.  _ There wasn’t much in the bottles, since they weren’t allowed to spare much due to the small quantity the ‘hospital’ had. “Here ya go, this should help you a little, kiddo.” 

“These things taste gross.” Ellie wrinkled her nose, pressing a glass of water to her lips and gulping both of the pills. She made a face, wiping the water from her mouth and looking back up at Joel. 

“I know, but it’ll ease the pain a bit.” Joel looked down at her sorrily as she nodded, limping towards the couch and laying down, her body tired from all of the walking around after nearly a week of just sitting in bed. “Hey, they started rebuilding the ranch. Tommy put me on it, we used to do work like this before everything. You and your friends should have it back in a few days.” 

“And those douchebags still get to walk free.” Ellie murmured, shutting her eyes. She felt Joel laying a blanket over her and she looked up, seeing him bending next to her, wiping a strand of hair behind her ear. She released her hair from its ponytail, preparing to take a nap. She quickly fell asleep, leaving Joel watching over her. 

He escaped the house, taking a sigh and heading over to the mess that was the ranch. They’d already cleared out all of the debris and finished building a frame for the new ranch with  _ metal  _ framing this time. Tommy had managed to find metal frames and supports at the dam in a supply room. So, it’d be harder to burn the ranch down once again. Now, they were filling in the frames with wood to create walls. It smelled of fresh -yet, burnt- wood. Black charred grass stood beneath the men’s feet as they began to work. 

Almost two hours later, it resembled a building, though it was stripped of its characteristics. Paint had begun to be splattered across the now wooden walls and a door was being fastened onto the front. Pens had been constructed inside the building and the horses had begun to be transferred back to the ranch now that it was almost finished. They’d been working on it for more than a week, and since it wasn’t such a big building, it was able to be constructed rather quickly. Meanwhile, Ellie awoke from her slumber back at her house. 

She awoke from a sound upstairs, a subtle  _ swoosh.  _ It sounded like a window closing. Ellie slowly sat up, wiping the sleep from her eyes. “Joel? That you?” She yelled through the house, receiving no response. “Hey, Joel?” She asked again, but once again, was met with silence. She shrugged it off, stripping the blanket from her and slowly standing. Pins and needles traveled across her body as she suddenly stood. Weary tire wore her down and she made her way towards the steps, hearing another  _ bump.  _ It almost sounded like a footstep. “... Joel?” Ellie asked, growing suspicious. She took her mother’s knife from her jeans, unsheathing the blade. “Hello?” 

Yet another footstep sounded from the upstairs and she looked back down to the door, debating to get Joel or Tommy, or maybe Jesse.  _ Hello? Is someone here?  _ She thought in the back of her mind, there was a possibility the boys who had set the fire had come to finish the job. She wrapped her fingers around her knife, looking up the stairs. “Joel, if that’s you, fucking respond!” She yelled up and still, there was silence. A chill ran over her when she heard yet another footstep. Ellie let out a shaky exhale and felt terror run in her. She silently climbed the steps, looking around when she reached the tops.  _ “Okay? You know how to protect yourself. I’m proud of you, kiddo.”  _

_ I can do this. I can do this.  _ Ellie thought in pure terror, crossing the room towards her room. A warm breeze was blowing through the room, since the month of Summer had begun to take over. Summer was the season Riley died, and she cringed, thinking of how she’d have to live with that lingering over her for the next three months. She was silent, not wanting to give away where she was, but worry and anxiety was climbing in her rapidly. She wanted to go and run, just as Dina had told her to, but if these were the boys that’d started the fire, -nearly  _ killed  _ Dina, Joel and her- she wanted her revenge. As she walked into her room, she closed the window, turning around, and that was when she felt herself being pushed to the floor-boards, a massive  _ thump  _ sounded when she fell against it. 

Ellie let out a scream of fear, opening her eyes to see Chase had jumped on her, the same two friends that had attacked Dina almost a week and a half ago behind him. She screamed in fury, slashing her knife with no hesitance through Chase’s cheek, making him roar in pain. “You bitch!” He yelled, taking the knife and slashing it across her arm, spreading pain through her. The two boys tried to take hold of her but she quickly got up, taking a metal water bottle on her nightstand and bashing it against one of the boy’s heads, knocking him unconscious. She swept the leg of another, wielding the heavy bottle and hitting the hand he’d help up to protect himself, bruising him. 

Though, Chase once again tackled her, pushing her to her bed. She screamed in fury, having a million different memories from winter hit her at once. He pushed against her and she felt the same want from him that David had felt. Both of his friends were unconscious, due to Ellie bashing them in with the heavy metal bottle, but Chase was arguably the most dangerous, as he was the most upset.

He used to be the apex predator in the highschool, but after Ellie had humiliated him, people laughed at him when walking down the halls. And then there was the mutiny of what her and her pathetic friends had done to their hangout and the drawings she’d vandalized their spot with. “ _ Get off of me _ !” Ellie squealed, beating against the boy. He simply thrashed his fist against her cheek, leaving another dark bruise. Ellie let another piercing scream release from her lips. Chase pressed and ground against her uncomfortably, making her sob in memory of Winter. “Get off of me, you chickenshit!” 

“You took  _ everything  _ from me, you little bitch. I can’t go outside anymore, I have to fucking work for the next month because of you and your little girlfriend, you fa**ot.” Ellie screamed again, feeling the boy rip her jacket from her. She fought as hard as she could, kicking and screaming violently. She only prayed that someone could hear her, or that Joel was returning from work after the hours he’d been gone. “ _ Shut up _ .” He covered her mouth with his hand, but she bit his finger, nearly taking it off. Blood still dripped down his face from when Ellie had slashed her blade against his cheek. She reached for the knife as he began tearing her shirt, making her shriek and cry as loud as she could, begging someone would hear her, or that Jesse was coming to check on her as he’d done the previous day. “I’m going to make you pay.” He whispered, looking directly into her eyes. His eyes were full of anger and rage, while she was terrified of what he was going to do, trauma and fear filling hers. The winter was screaming in her head and she could almost feel snow clinging to her now almost bare top. 

Her screams were muffled as he took her shirt off, leaving her in nothing but a sports bra. She sobbed, tears spilling from her eyes onto his palm. “Shut up, just fucking shut up.” Ellie kicked him again, but he seemed almost impervious to harm, determined on his mission. His hands violated her nearly bare top and she screamed again, crying out for Joel. “Shut the fuck up. This is for humiliating me. Everyone laughs at me… well, they won’t be laughing now. They’re going to respect me.” 

Ellie tried desperately to get him off, but her desperate and terrified attempts were for nothing. And then, just as his hands scrambled from her chest to her jeans, she saw a blade from the corner of her eye; her mother’s knife, laying at the foot of her bed. She let out a scream as he violated her once again, touching her chest once again. Ellie screeched in terror and moved her right hand from trying to push him away to the knife, its hilt meeting her hand. She sobbed, suddenly pushing the knife into his throat, just as she had done in Winter. He screeched in pain and she thrashed again, tearing the blade out and screwing it back into his neck, blood spilling across her face and hands. She pushed him off, throwing him onto the ground beside his unconscious friends. She continued to throw the blade into his skin until finally, exhaustion took over her and she sat on the body, then hiding in the corner. 

Her body was racked with horrible sobs and she flew into the corner, hiding her head in her hands and letting screams and cries escape her lips. She dropped the knife, blood splattered across her hands and her cheeks. She was still left in only a bra and she ran her hands on her skin, rubbing it crazily and trying to get his fingerprints and smell off of her. She barely  _ knew  _ the boy, so what had gotten him so upset with her? Because she’d toppled his social state by making him look like an idiot in front of the school? 

“Oh, God.” She screamed once again, her cries muffled by her arms. A large gash ran down her arm, spilling blood down her skin from where Chase had slashed her own knife against her. The two boys were still unconscious and she shuddered, begging someone would find her soon, as she was too terrified to move. 

Ellie heard a knocking on the door, but she couldn’t move. Cold shock was lacing around her limbs, preventing her from moving. Sobs shook her as she opened her eyes to see Chase’s dead eyes staring back at her, almost as if they were still defiling her even as a corpse. “Ellie?” It was Jesse’s voice, pounding on the door. The knocks continued for almost five minutes before they disappeared, leaving Ellie to feel the handprints on her chest and skin. It almost felt like snow was pouring on her and she was back in that restaurant, but she pushed the memories away, traumatized by this new nightmare that had mixed into her brain and life. Chase had nearly assaulted her once, she’d nearly been dragged into the dark hole of sexual assault twice, but this time, she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to recover. 

This time, a new series of knocks came from the door, and she recognized them as Joel’s. Jesse must’ve gone to get him and soon enough, he heard the door open. “Ellie?” Joel called through the house, sensing a feeling of dread when he saw the blanket he’d laid on Ellie thrown to the floor. “Ellie?!” He called again, his face twisting into terror when he heard horrible sobs emerging from the second floor. “Kiddo?” Jesse had gone to get him after Ellie didn’t answer the door after almost fifteen minutes. The kid seemed genuinely worried and Joel almost found it relieving that Ellie had found friends that cared about her. “Hey, kiddo?” He climbed up the steps, stopping in terror when he saw a pool of blood spilling from the doorframe of Ellie’s room. 

Joel almost fell down the steps in shock and terror. He rushed towards the room, prying open the door and finding a horrible scene. There were three bodies and Joel instantly recognized them as the boys that Ellie had gotten into a scuffle with…  _ the boys who’d started the fire.  _ Blood poured down one of their necks and Ellie’s switchblade was lodged in his neck. The other two seemed to be alive and he thanked God, knowing there’d be trouble for Ellie if she killed  _ three  _ boys. 

And then,  _ he saw Ellie.  _ She was sobbing in the corner, her shoulders and stomach bare as she was wearing only a bra. He realized in horror that her hoodie and shirt were both on the bed, along with her own blood. He raced towards her, seeing a large gash on her arm, just above the burns that she’d received from the fire. “Ellie, baby girl.” He whispered, prying her arms open and forcing her to look at him. When she met his eyes, her irises were constructed of terror and absolute pain. He cringed, framing her face with his hands. “Ellie, what happened?” He asked, but she gave no answer. She only dove into his chest, letting out sobs and terrible cries. “Ellie, baby… what happened?” He repeated, but she shook her head, tears screaming down her cheeks. Blood was splattered across her face and body and she forced him to hold her.

Shock and confusion was constricted on Joel’s face and he looked around at the bodies, then to Ellie’s half nude body. He rubbed her back, trying to calm her down with failing attempts. Ellie was bawling in his grip and he tightened his grip around her, tickling her back and trying to calm her. “They… they came in, I had… I had no choice.” She tried to make out words between sobs and he looked at the slightly open window, cursing at himself for not getting Tommy to install a lock on it after the fire.  _ I left, this is my fault. I shouldn’t have left her.  _ Joel thought, cringing when he saw bloody handprints and bruises on Ellie’s skin and chest. “He… he tried to-” Ellie’s voice suddenly broke and Joel cringed, his features scrunching together. 

“Oh, baby girl. It’s alright, it’s okay.” He tried to comfort her, but her sniveling and crying was deafening. He felt physical pain as he listened to her shaky gasps for air and crying and he tried to pry her from him but she jumped back into his grip, shaking her head. “It’s alright, it’s okay, baby girl. You’re safe now. You’re okay.” Joel wished she hadn’t killed the boy, he wished he could just have ten seconds to deal with the little shit. It was the same feeling he felt for David, he would’ve hung that man by his entrails and let the smell waft through the air, warning anyone that tried to even touch Ellie. “I promise, it’s okay. It’s alright.”  _ “I’m never going to let this happen to you again, I promise, baby girl.” I’m a failure. This is all my fault.  _ Joel thought somberly, once again trying to gently take her from his grip. This time he succeeded and he met her eyes, wiping the tears from her skin with his thumbs only for more to replace them. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” Ellie shook her head, looking to the bodies around them. 

“They, they were going to… they…” Ellie broke into undeterminable murmurs, cries and mewls interrupting each word. Joel shook his head, brushing hair from her face and wiping her river of tears once again. Her body was trembling and her hands were shaking wildly. Joel took the sleeve of his shirt and wiped the splattered blood from her cheeks, cringing when she looked back towards the bodies. “Joel…” She croaked, looking up at him with terrified eyes. He shushed her, scooping her into his arms and taking her downstairs, placing her on the couch and seeing the massive gash running down her arm. She had two bruises on her left cheek and her jaw, making the skin dark and purple. “They… they made me kill him…” She whispered in a haunted expression, boring her eyes into her own hands, staring at the blood on her nails and fingers. “I killed him… I murdered him…” 

“No, baby, you protected yourself, okay? You protected yourself, you did good.” Joel whispered, nestling his hands in her loose hair and making her look at him. She shook her head, looking back down at him. “Okay, you did good. You didn’t do  _ anything  _ wrong.” She didn’t believe him and just looked down at her hands, cringing at every speck of blood. Her own tears dripped from her face onto her hands, nestling the blood away and making her tears red. Blood poured from her arm and he took it into his grip, taking a roll of bandages from a cabinet on the coffee table in front of the couch. “Okay, stay with me here, Ellie.” He shook her gently, trying to save her from her own thoughts and nightmares. “Okay? I’m here, I’m here, baby girl.” 

Ellie nodded, clearly not in the room, but in the room above, replaying those five minutes in her head over and over, replaying the terror she felt in those moments where Chase had ripped her shirt off. “It hurts.” She whispered, but she didn’t know if she was talking about her arm, or what Chase had tried to do to her. 

“I know, baby girl, I know. I’ll give you some of those pills you got from the doctor and it’ll be better, okay?” Joel asked, but she shook her head, tears dripping down her cheeks. 

“That’s not what I was talking about.” Ellie mumbled, tears and shaky gasps for air interrupting her words. Ellie slowly quieted, exhaustion taking over her. But Joel didn’t know which he preferred. Instead of sobbing, deadly silent tears slowly surfaced from her eyes and she barely even let out a breath, her own mind taking over her. 

“Ellie, baby.” He shook her, trying to pry her from her thoughts. Still, she shook her head, looking down at her bloody hands once again. “Hey, stay right here, okay? Stay with me.” He ordered her gently, shaking her slightly. He took a needle and thread, pushing the thread through the small hole in the needle and pushing the needle into her arm, sewing the gash closed. He cringed when she barely even winced, already in too much pain to even react. He frowned, finishing sewing the wound closed and then bandaging it. “Hey, Ellie. You’re safe now, alright? It’s over.” He shook her again, forcing her to look at him. She nodded shallowly, feeling him release her and go to get the bottle of painkillers. He took one out, handing it to her and watching her slowly swallow it in a catatonic state. There was no complaint this time, only another tear that dripped down Ellie’s face, haunting Joel. “Okay, let’s clean ya up, okay?” Ellie nodded smally, watching Joel take one of his flannels from the laundry basket by the steps and wrapping it around her, buttoning it quickly. “See? We’re okay now, alright?” 

“Y-yeah.” Ellie responded softly, clearly not entirely present. He knew he had to get Tommy or Maria, someone to collect the bodies and have the boys taken into some sort of custody. There was no way that they’d get off with nothing this time, their friend certainly had gotten his sentencing, but they deserved more than death. They deserved the same pain Ellie was feeling. “Okay.” She felt him rubbing her now clothed arms, trying to comfort her. “Am… am I in trouble?” 

“No, of course not, baby girl.” He sat beside her and let her hide in his arms, silent cries surfacing from her chest. “I know, I know. It’s alright.” Joel tried to promise her, but her sense of safety and self esteem had been shattered into pieces, never to be put together again. Suddenly, there was an abrupt knock on the door and Ellie jumped, flinching in Ellie’s arms. “It’s alright, baby, it’s okay. Stay right here.” She nodded, stuck in a catatonic state. He left her there, resentment living in him at his own self. Joel opened the door, only to see Jesse looking up at him, the teenage boy clearly still worried. “Jesse?” 

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to see if everything was okay with Ellie, after she didn’t answer.” Joel shook his head, blocking Ellie’s frame, but her small cries were audible from the other side of the room.

Jesse’s face constricted in concern and he tried to look around Joel, but the older man blocked her. 

“I-is she okay?” Jesse asked, his eyes twisting in horror and glancing up to Joel. 

“Can you go get Tommy, please?” Joel asked, his voice hoarse but strict at the same time. Jesse’s features twisted in confusion and concern, but Joel’s seriousness and clear pain frightened him. Jesse swallowed, slowly nodded, but he stayed there.

“Is she okay, did… Did something happen?” Joel shook his head, just beckoning him to go get Tommy, so eventually, Jesse accepted, running towards Tommy’s house as quick as he could, desperate to know what’d happened to Ellie. A million questions ran through his mind as he sprinted to Tommy’s, looking back only to see Joel had shut the door, racing back to Ellie. 

“Ellie, hey, look at me, okay? Tell me, what happened?” He asked her, framing her face with his hands and looking deep into her eyes, seeing the pain and terror in them. “It’s okay, I promise, just tell me. It’s just us.” 

“I… I thought it was you, but… I don’t know, they must’ve climbed through the windows.” Ellie thought, remembering the sound of the window slamming shut. They must have climbed through to catch her by surprise.  _ They were too scared to even take her into an actual fight, for they knew she’d win.  _ “And, then… then they tackled me, and… and he… he started touching me, and… I had to stop him.” Ellie whispered, her voice in a hoarse tone. Joel cringed, bringing her into his arms and squeezing her tightly, his own tears spilling down her cheeks.  _ They could’ve killed her.  _ He thought in pain, realizing he’d almost lost her twice in only a week and a half. Terror was gripping both of them and she let out hushed cries in his chest, making his shirt damp with tears. 

“Oh, God, it’s okay. It’s okay, baby girl…” He swore, squeezing her tightly and letting her just air out her tears and pain, trying to make her feel safe again, though perhaps, even he couldn’t do that now. “It’s alright, it’s okay. I’m right here now, and they’re never going to touch you again. No one’s going to touch you ever again… I’m never leaving you alone again.” He swore, rubbing her back until eventually there was another knock on the door. This time, he just let it open and saw Tommy immediately take in the sight of Ellie sobbing in Joel’s arms. Joel shook his head, gesturing with his eyes to the second floor. 

Tommy wanted to help somehow, to make Ellie stop crying, but instead, he just traveled upstairs, his steps shocked when he saw the bodies lining the floor. There was a bloody corpse on the floor by Ellie’s bed and two boys knocked unconscious, both of them still under. Tommy checked their pulses, feeling a steady, but elevated rhythm under his fingers. Then his eyes met the corpse. He recognized it as the boy who’d started the fire, the blaze that had almost killed Ellie and Dina. It was the boy that had harassed Ellie at school. And then,  _ he saw Ellie’s shirt on the bed _ , and his hand met his mouth. Tears watered in Tommy’s eyes and he looked back down to the steps, able to hear Ellie’s cries from even the second floor. 

He descended back down the steps, his fists clenched together. Joel’s eyes met his and he saw the grief in Joel’s eyes. Ellie was still hidden in Joel’s arms, but she’d gone deadly silent. Tommy walked towards both of them, unsure of what to say. Ellie’s cries were muffled and she was now chillingly still, hiding her face in Joel’s neck and shaking her head. Her body trembled and he hushed her, rubbing her gently. He met Tommy’s eyes, shaking his head at his brother and sharing the same dead expression. “Listen, we gotta go so Tommy can clean up, okay, baby girl?” He asked, taking her from his arms and looking her in the eyes. She just remained silent, throwing herself back into his grip. 

Both of the brothers had a grim expression on their face and Joel sighed, scooping Ellie up in his arms. Her face was still hiding in his chest and he held her close to his chest as an ape would with its child. “Okay, come on kiddo.”   
“You can go to our place, Maria’s not there.” Tommy whispered, knowing Ellie wouldn’t want to be near anyone, even people she knew very well. As he carried her through the town, he murmured praises to her, trying to calm her down. Still, she was deathly silent and it only worried Joel more. 

“Hey, it’s okay, baby girl. You’re safe with me now.” He whispered, opening the door to Tommy’s house and setting her down on the couch just as Tommy had done almost two weeks ago when she’d figured out Joel’s lie. Ellie stayed exactly as Joel positioned her and grabbed one of the pillows, squeezing it as tightly as she could, like she’d be transported back to that terrible minute if she didn’t keep a death-grip on it. “Ellie.” Joel looked her in the eyes, taking her hands. 

Out of nowhere, her face broke and she suddenly collapsed into a ball of sobs, feeling Joel wrap his arms around her. Hot rage was radiating off of him as he thought of the boy -Chase, he remembered- who had done this to her. He had been able to recover her after David, but now he was unsure. “I know, baby, I know.” He whispered, letting her weep in his chest, small gasps for air escaping her lips. 

“I thought he… I thought he was going to…” Ellie shook her head, refusing to travel back to that moment. When he’d slashed her with the knife, she truly thought that he was going to kill her. “I thought he was going to kill me.” Ellie croaked, tightening her grip around Joel’s clothing and squeezing him as hard as he could, until it hurt her injured arm from clenching her muscles too hard. 

“No, that’s not happening, okay? I’m never, ever leavin’ you alone again, Ellie.” He promised her, looking deep in her eyes and wiping her tears. She sniffled, sitting up and holding her head in her hands, still able to see the slight traces of the boys’ blood on her hands. “Are… are they going to kick me out? Maria said that we weren’t allowed to kill anyone, is… am I in trouble?”

“No, no, Ellie. No, you did everything just right, you protected yourself. You always protect yourself, okay?” Ellie nodded, sniffling and hiding in Joel’s arms, her crying  _ finally  _ stalling to some extent. He breathed an inhale of relief, combing his fingers through her hair and taking in the sound of her breathing, relishing the sound. 

“Okay.” Ellie responded, keeping her hands pressed into her chest. Now that the shock and outright terror had very subtly been defused, the gash that ran down her arm sent a pain through her. “Ow…” She rolled up her sleeve, -or really, Joel’s- and saw the stitches lining her skin. It was a deep cut, since it had been such a crime of passion and not meant to really kill, but to hurt. It went around three inches into her small amr, making the pain almost unbearable. 

“I know, it should stop hurting after the pain-meds kick in.” Joel kissed her hand, making her arm feel a little less full of tension and pain. She pulled her sleeve back down, hiding once again in Joel’s arms. He wrapped his muscles around her, making sure she felt safe. “I know, kiddo…” He thought back to the bodies lining her room and knew with a gratitude she’d be sleeping right beside him in his bedroom for most likely a long time after the incident. Ellie was sure Jesse must’ve been so worried. She’d heard his voice from when Joel answered the door, and there was no way that he didn’t hear her cries. She cringed, hating the idea of burdening him somehow. 

Finally, Ellie released herself from Joel’s chest, sitting on the couch beside him but letting him still hold her, keeping her close and making her feel safe. “Do you trust me?” She nodded instantly, looking up at him with puffy red eyes and a terrified face. “Okay, so trust that I’m gon’ keep you safe, alright? No one is  _ ever  _ touching you again.” He swore, his voice serious and quick, making her actually believe him. She nodded, letting a small sniffle escape her and she buried her head into his arm, the smell of him surrounding her and slowly letting the terror built up in her trickle down her bloody hands. 

Ellie was still slightly catatonic and was distant. Part of her hadn’t left the house when Joel did. Part of her was still in that room, with Chase’s bald, dead eyes defiling her. “Alright?”

“Okay…” Ellie whispered, still not able to fall asleep. Her stomach growled but she told it to shut up, she couldn’t even think of eating after what she’d just been through. Joel almost let out a chuckle at the growl, just as he’d done so many times that month, but Ellie remained still, her hands still shaking slightly. 

“Do you wanna try eating?” Ellie shook her head violently, repulsed at the idea of trying to put any sort of food near her. She knew she probably needed it, but she didn’t care. Ellie felt sick thinking of putting anything in her body after the horror that had just played before her. 

“No… no, I can’t eat.” Ellie whispered, her voice hoarse. She bore her eyes into the wall, able to imagine Chase standing above her, disgusting and violating her with his hands. She shut her eyes, but it didn’t help, he still stood there, even when everything else faded away. “Not… I can’t.” Ellie repeated, shaking her head and shutting her eyes again. Joel had settled a blanket upon both of them, trying to comfort Ellie. It didn’t do  _ much _ , but part of her had calmed down from when he first found her. She had looked so  _ terrified  _ when he first found her, and it broke his heart. Truly, he didn’t know what to say to make her feel better, but he wished  _ so much  _ that he could take her pain and put all of it onto his shoulders. 

“Okay, don’t worry, that’s okay.” He eased her, and silence again fell between them. He frowned, suddenly taking himself from her and instead kneeling in front of her and the couch, his knees meeting the rug below them. “Hey, look at me, baby girl.” Joel whispered, cupping her face with his hands. She sighed, looking into his eyes with a glum expression. He died when he saw the pain riddled in her irises and it felt like he was watching Winter all over again. “Listen, I know it seems dark right now, but things are gon’ get better, okay?” He swore to her, kissing the top of her forehead. She shut her eyes as he did so, letting a sniffle escape her body once again. “Okay? I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. And we’re going to do all of this together, step by step.” 

Ellie, for the first time since Joel had found her, actually seemed to believe him. Her expression lightened only a small bit, but it was a ray of hope to Joel. He let himself breathe, only for a second. “Alright?” Joel asked again, his voice hoarse as he held her jaw with his hand. She leaned into his hand and shut her eyes. Dry tears were caked onto her face, and splatters of Chase’s blood was still hidden beneath her freckles. A single tear ran down her face and Joel wiped it away with his thumb, watching her with a somber expression. 

“Alright.” She whispered, letting him take her in his arms once again and they laid there, Joel murmuring praises and whispers of comfort to her, but she remained mostly silent, replaying the events in her mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, this was a pretty dramatic last few chapters, i know. in the next few i'm going to have ellie trying to recover, as well as comfort from dina and jesse to build their relationship and them two comforting ellie. more fluff and comfort will be coming soon. i wanted to bring up winter again, and also needed to find a more demanding punishment for the boys than 'community service,' sorry, i know that was really dumb, haha. requests are going to be postponed for 1-2 chapters so that i can canonly write ellie recovering, and also blossoming her friendship with jesse and dina. i also want to develop tommy and ellie a little bit more. i hope everyone enjoyed, sorry if this chapter wasn't good, i really tried to perfect it so i hope it came out okay. as always, have an amazing day, comments/kudos greatly appreciated!


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie recovers from the attack; Joel has a surprise for her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> request: what if Joel decided to go by a near lake and teaching ellie how to swim.  
> and yes all my requests seem to be fluff chapters lmao.
> 
> and yes, i like writing fluff, so keep it coming haha XD

There was a knock on the door, but Ellie already knew the two characters that stood behind it. It had been a day. Ellie hadn’t slept even for a second during the night, afraid of what she would see if she shut her eyes. So, Joel stayed up with her again, saying they should watch a movie as they’d done a week ago. But this time, she didn’t fall asleep, she didn’t scare easy, and the cheap jumpscares didn’t even make her flinch. 

The knocks were low and quiet and Joel gave Ellie’s hand a squeeze before going to answer the door. Tommy and Maria had been by the previous day, bringing food and trying to bring comfort for Ellie. She smiled once at a cheesy joke Tommy had made, and it made the ocean of stress that lived on Joel only slightly easier. He was terrified this was Ellie’s future, her dead and stale state. He’d been able to resuscitate her in Winter, but he had no idea if he could a second time. “Hi…” A small voice whispered to him as he opened the door, seeing Jesse and Dina’s grim faces meeting him. 

Dina seemed to be better. She still had a slight limp, and a small, single uncovered burn was visible on her cheek. She looked somewhat well-rested, but the dark concern on both Jesse’s and her face was apparent, weighing down her normally cheery attitude. “We heard what happened, we just… we thought Ellie might like it if we visited.” Dina spoke softly, looking up at Joel. His hair was slightly messy, and he was dressed in a dark green shirt that didn’t look like it’d been changed in at least a day or two. “We’re sorry if this is overstepping, we didn’t-”

“No, it’s fine, it’s okay. I reckon she’ll like you two coming over.” Joel spoke, moving from the door frame and letting them in. Dina and Jesse shuffled into the door, sharing heavy looks with each other. “She’s, uh, she’s upstairs.” Joel spoke, shutting the door behind them and watching them nod. They moved up the steps, holding each other’s hands with worry. And then, they moved towards Ellie’s room and saw her sitting on the bed, looking at the comforter as if it were haunted. 

“Hey, Ellie.” Jesse greeted quietly, waving as Ellie moved her head to look at her two friends. She tried to tidy her hair back with her palms and wiped under her eyes, trying to make the subtle bags go away. 

“Hey, El.” Dina whispered, sitting on the foot of the bed. She mumbled a greeting back, scratching her nails against her skin. She could still see the blood on her hands, even though Joel had bathed her yesterday. She wore a bathing suit while he wiped the blood from her hands and face. The warm water soothed her bruises, but nothing would qualm the trauma that still lived in her. “We heard what happened.” Dina whispered softly, taking Ellie’s hand. Dina’s bracelet still clung to Ellie’s wrist, but a shot of blood covered the hand charm. _“It’s meant to represent protection.”_ Dina remembered telling Ellie and she felt sick looking at the blood, only imagining what Ellie was feeling.   
“Yeah.” Ellie spoke, looking at her friends. A constant state of fear and depression hung over her and both Jesse and Dina cringed, not used to seeing Ellie’s chipper person so quiet. “Did… does everyone know?” She asked, only imagining what the townspeople must’ve thought of her. Joel hadn’t told her anything of what had become of the two boys she spared, too afraid he’d trigger anything or make something worse. 

“No. Maria… um, Maria told us.” Jesse spoke, leaning on Ellie’s dressed beside her bed. He saw a bloody handprint on her window sill and turned away, feeling physical disgust when he thought of what Chase had almost done to Ellie, to his friend. “They didn’t tell anyone else… it’s just us.” He muttered, seeing Ellie nod. She was trying to slip on a mask, but her destroyed mental health prevented that ability, even if it had become such a common skill for her. 

“Ellie, we’re so sorry. It was our idea with the spray paint, they wouldn’t have-”  
“No, this… this isn’t your fault, guys, really.” Ellie shook her head, feeling Dina squeeze her hand and suddenly sit next to her on the bed. The bed squeaked under Dina’s weight and the girl wrapped her arms around Ellie, taking her into a hug and squeezing her. 

“Are you alright?” Dina asked, taking the sight of the long slit down Ellie’s arm, stitches still visible where Chase had cut her. Ellie usually would instantly say ‘yes’ and try to deflect any sort of pity someone would give her, but she was too tired. So, she just shrugged, leaning into Dina’s hug and hiding her head in Dina’s shoulder. Jesse watched them, taking Dina’s place where she’d been sitting on the foot of the bed. “Sorry, that’s a stupid question.” 

The room smelled of bleach, but it was subtle, since it had been slowly taken over by the natural use of the room. They’d stayed the night at Tommy’s, since Tommy and a group of his trusted guards cleaned up the bodies and blood, trying to make it any easier for Ellie. “I heard they, um… they finished rebuilding the ranch.” Ellie spoke, her discomfort screaming from her personality. Dina finally released Ellie, but she kept her arm wrapped around Ellie’s shoulder, rubbing her back and trying to comfort her. 

“Did you… did you guys hear what’s happening to them?” Ellie asked, talking about the survivors of the attack. Ellie didn’t consider herself a survivor of the ambush, she knew part of her had died that night, and it would never return. “Joel won’t tell me anything.”   
Jesse sighed, squeezing the comforter beneath him. Two pill bottles hung on Ellie’s dresser, both of them most likely some sort of painkillers. But, when he read the label on the first bottle, his heart sank. It read _prazosin._ One of Jesse’s friends’ parents had been a doctor, and he knew well enough what the medicine was for. He felt useless and guilty all at the same time, and it was apparent in the thick silence in the air. “Tommy’s holding them until he can find out how to deal with it. They’re not going fucking free this time.” Jesse spoke, taking Ellie’s other hand, but she seemed uncomfortable with the contact. He understood and slinked his hand away. Dina still had her arm on Ellie’s shoulder, Dina’s head nestled into the crook of Ellie’s neck. 

“Okay.” She responded shortly, and the conversation ended. Neither Jesse nor Dina knew what to say, and Ellie’s mind was elsewhere. But eventually, Dina looked straight in Ellie’s eyes, her eyebrows knitting up in hurt and concern. 

“Ellie, you can talk to us, you know that, right? We’re here if you need to talk to us.” Dina spoke softly and Ellie looked down. She would’ve rolled her eyes, but her emotions were muted with the dull pain that rang through her body. Jesse had brought something, because he knew Ellie, and he knew she wouldn’t want to talk about it. 

“Me and Dina were talking earlier… and we assumed… since you’re the most badass out of the three of us…” Jesse spoke, pulling something from his bag and presenting it to Ellie. It was a gaming console, a portable one. There were two joysticks on each side and a small pencil that stuck from the little device. “She thinks you’ll wipe the floor with me in around… eh, fifteen seconds. I’ll give you thirty.”   
Ellie actually _smiled_ and she took the console from Jesse, holding it like it was magical and turning it on. Small sound effects emitted from the machine as she began to figure her way around the machine, quickly finding a game in Jesse’s collection she liked and smiled when she saw the thumbnail for it. _This was the one Joel told me about._ She thought back to right after she broke her leg and the comic book store they’d found: _“Yeah, Tommy liked this monkey one.”_ It’s name was in thick letters and she pressed the button, starting the game. 

Jesse and Dina both felt relief flow through them as Ellie seemed to -just for a second- forget about what had happened and was consumed in the game, little beeps and music coming from the console’s damaged speaker. It was a miracle Jesse found it, but he didn’t plan on keeping it. It seemed to give Ellie immense joy and he smiled, grateful that he’d managed to keep Ellie’s mind at bay if only for a second. 

Neither Dina nor Jesse had ever seen Ellie so silent and damaged. She always seemed  _ so strong _ , but right now, she just seemed so beaten down and reserved. Dina suddenly giggled as she passed Jesse’s highscore. A loud beep ran through the device and Ellie smiled once again, but only for a second. “You owe me three bucks.” Dina told Jesse, a small grin on her lips. Her gaze thanked the boy for coming up with the idea and he nodded, priding himself in lessening Ellie’s pain only for a minute. 

Joel listened from his room, smiling when he heard  _ Ellie _ ’ _ s  _ giggle. He felt tears coming from his face at the sound of her laugh and wiped them, grateful Ellie had some little part of  _ Ellie  _ left. He screamed thank you’s to Dina and Jesse in his head, so grateful they’d distracted her for a second. Nearly an hour went by as Ellie, Dina and Jesse all took turns with the console, poking fun at each other when they finally died. They cursed and Joel had brought them food at one point. Ellie didn’t even notice she was eating, she only felt the comfort of her friends around her. It was like she could forget for just a second, and it was just an  _ almost  _ normal hour. And they were  _ almost  _ normal teengers for just a little bit, but then the real world returned. 

Jesse’s parents had come to collect Dina and him. They exchanged a few words with Joel once again, but the conversation died quickly. Joel simply stalled as long as he could so Ellie could have as much time with her friends as they could spare, but his tricks eventually ran out. He climbed up the stairs, knocking gently on the door. If he tried, he could still see the pool of blood outside Ellie’s door. He tried to get her out of the room as much as possible, only because it was the room the  _ nightmare _ had never taken place. “Hey, Jesse, your folks are here.” Joel spoke, his face warm when he saw he had interrupted Ellie’s laughing. He was relieved she was laughing at all. 

“Shit, guess we gotta go.” Jesse spoke, both Dina and Jesse hoisting themselves off of the bed, giving Ellie a sad look. Dina squeezed her hand, eyeing Ellie sadly. Her glum expression had returned as her friends began to leave.   
“Is it okay if we come back tomorrow?” Dina asked Joel, begging the man would say yes. Thankfully, the man nodded, ducking his head. Ellie had been somewhat distracted for the first time since the horror happened, and he knew she needed more of that. 

“Yeah, of course…” Joel nodded, but eventually, they had to leave. Jesse and Dina muttered their final goodbyes, each of them giving Ellie a hug and then, it was just Joel and Ellie. “What’s this?” Joel asked, seeing the game console Jesse had been carrying with him when he entered the house. 

“Jesse gave it to me. It’s his game thing… it has that monkey one you told me about.” Joel nodded and powered it on, swiping through the games with the joysticks and seeing the familiar titles. Ellie sighed, leaning her head into Joel’s neck just as Dina had done with her. 

“Yeah, I recognize some of these. Reckon we could have a tournament later, winner chooses our next movie.” Ellie nodded, but her quietness had returned.   
“Did Tommy tell you anything new?” Ellie asked and Joel sighed, nodding. Ellie impatiently awaited, picking her head up and looking up at him. Tommy had said that he could come and provide a ‘testimony’ of sorts against them, as he’d been the first to find Ellie and the mess that she’d left her in. “What?”

“They’re, uh, bein’ sentenced later. He said I could go an’ speak against ‘em, make sure they get what they deserve.” If it was up to Joel, he would have both of them banished, which wasn’t an impossible outcome. What they’d done was against the rules, but he knew their privileged parents would argue that what Ellie had done was against the rules as well. 

“Are they going to get off free again?” Ellie asked, and Joel violently shook his head, grasping Ellie’s hand. “That’s what you said last time.” His throat closed around him as he heard those words and he squeezed Ellie’s hand, looking directly in her eyes. 

“No… I promise you, Tommy _swore_ to me that they’d get what they deserve.” Joel whispered, brushing a strand of hair behind Ellie’s ear. He didn’t mussy her hair or joke around like he usually would. A thick layer of seriousness was lingering in the air and Joel hated that he couldn’t even find anything to say to her. “He said they’re probably gon’ be kicked out. You won’t have to see them again.”   
_Not during the day._ She thought, still fearing the nightmares that came to her. She avoided sleep like the plague, and whenever she felt herself beginning to tire, she slapped the pony-tail holder on her wrist against her skin, waking herself. _She didn’t want to go to sleep._ She was afraid. 

“I’m sorry… I know you want me to talk to you.” Ellie spoke suddenly, contradicting against her silent person that had become a theme in the past week. “I’m sorry I’m being so quiet.” Ellie whispered. It felt like she was being imprisoned in her own body and some stranger had taken over her. She was trying to break away from the alien Ellie and signal to Joel that the  _ true  _ her was inside, and it just needed his saving. “It gets better with time, I know that… I just need some time.” 

“You’ve got nothin’ to be sorry about, baby girl.” Joel promised her and took her hands, rubbing them until they were warm. It was oddly cold, even though summer had begun to precipitate through the water and heat that began to take over the lost world. “And no one’s rushin’ you, okay? Like I said, we do this together, step by step.” Ellie actually let a miniscule smile escape her lips and Joel breathed once again, relishing each little sign of improvement. 

“Okay… I think… I think I want to try eating.” Ellie whispered, feeling her stomach complain once again at its empty content. Joel nodded, giving her his hand and she took it, following him down the steps slowly. She had a small limp, since during the attack, she’d been battered and bruised. There was a dark imprint on her right cheek and her left eye, along with bruises on her chest and the area around it. There were the marks of scratches on her calves, those caused by human finger-nails. 

“Alright, I got some food already heated up anyway.” Joel muttered, taking a plate and placing it in front of Ellie. She slowly picked up the meat, eating it slowly and trying not to gag. Ellie waged a victory over her gut, able to stomach just one meal without vomiting. Her stomach thanked her graciously and its growls retreated. Part of her cheered up, because it almost felt like she was taking power back from Chase and the absolute wastes of human life that had attacked her. So, she ate another bite, this time, not needing to gag. “There you go.” Joel praised her, making her smile return for just a second. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and Ellie jumped, dropping her fork with a loud clang. “‘T’s alright, maybe jus’ your friends again.” 

Joel made his way towards the door, opening it to find Tommy. Tommy looked at him, a wicked grin on his face. Joel looked at him in confusion, confused as to why and how he could be so happy with Ellie in such a state. “They’re getting kicked out.” Was all he said, and he felt a physical weight being lifted off from his. Joel let out a shaky exhale and he looked back towards Ellie, who was somberly picking at her food with her fork, clearly consumed by her thoughts. Both of the brothers’ sights settled on her and she looked up, sensing their sight on her. 

“What?” She asked, her voice quiet and vulnerable. Joel made his way towards her, looking her in the eyes with an emotional smile. “Joel, what?”

“They’re gettin’ kicked out. They’re paying for it.” Joel whispered to her, framing her cheek with his left hand. She almost seemed to smile for a second and for just a moment, the true Ellie seemed to show her colors. It was as if Ellie was trapped in a cell in her own body and for just a second, she was permitted freedom to say just one thing to Joel. It was like she had just a second to show to him that the true Ellie was buried in her body, and he only had so long to save her before she was truly gone. And then, the true Ellie’s second of freedom was over. She nuzzled into his hand, but then turned back down to her food, picking at it again and returning to her thoughts. 

Joel frowned, turning around and meeting Tommy’s equally destroyed face. He didn’t know what he was expecting; as if telling her that her near rapists were being banished from Jackson would be like an on switch to her recovery. She was just as hurt and as terrified as before. Only a slight amount of her pain was chipped away by that fact, and Joel prayed he’d be able to find something to bring her back. She seemed to return momentarily when Dina and Jesse visited, but Joel thought he had an idea. 

The clinking of her fork against the glass plate rhythmically steadied through the house almost like a nightmare that Ellie couldn’t seem to wake up from. “Thanks, Tommy, I’ll… I’ll figure somethin’ out.” He spoke to Tommy, beckoning his brother goodbye and watching him retreat back towards his house. “Hey, Ellie.” Joel shook her out of her thoughts and he cringed when she nearly winced. She was so scared once again, just as she had been a few months ago. 

“Yeah?” She asked, and eventually dropped her fork and looked up to him, awaiting his response. “Sorry, I’m just super tired.” She whispered, rubbing her eyes and fishing her hands through her hair, resting her head on her hand. Still, she didn’t let herself fall asleep. Ellie didn’t want to see the terrors her mind had been conspiring in the time that she was avoiding sleep. 

“You sure you don’t wanna try taking a nap?” She violently shook her head, thinking of how she’d woken up the last time she took a nap… it was the day of when it’d happened. “Maybe it’ll make you feel a bit better-”  
“No, I’m not sleeping.” Ellie said quickly, shaking her head violently and forcing herself to sit up. Joel frowned, sighing and taking her in his arms momentarily before releasing her. “What were you talking about…?” 

“I got a surprise for you.” Ellie let a small smile creep on her lips and she felt Joel taking her hand, leading her towards the door. “It’s outside the wall.” Part of her was hesitant, heading outside again after what had because of her actions the previous times. “Don’t worry, I had Tommy patrol yesterday to clear everythin’.” Ellie tried to ease herself at that and she nodded, letting Joel lead her towards the exit of the fence. He held the gap in the fence she’d used to escape earlier, making sure it didn’t catch her hair or scratch her. “Watch your arm.” She nodded, holding her arm close to her and crawling through the gap. Joel followed close behind her, leading her towards his surprise. “You’re gon’ like this, I promise.” 

Ellie nodded, holding tightly onto Joel’s hand and looking around them, almost as if someone would come and jump out at them any second. It was silent and anticipation bubbled in her and then, she saw it. Well, not really. There was a warm creek ahead of them and Joel looked at her, smiling. “I promised you I’d teach you how to swim.” Joel shrugged, smiling at her and begging that this would free her mind for just a second. Ellie’s lips tugged into a smile and she felt a break from the terror and pain that had become so normal for her. 

“You did.” She nodded, moving closer towards the water and dipping her finger in. It felt warm and she looked up to Joel, seeing him give her a smirk. He had stripped his jacket off and was now in a t-shirt and jeans. Ellie watched him sit on the edge of the land. He took his shoes and socks off, laying them beside him and stepping into the water slowly. “Isn’t it cold?” She asked as he turned around, looking back at her. He shook his head, and began to unite her sneakers. The water went up to around his waist, which translated to just by her collarbone. 

“Nah, it’s nice and warm.” In the past two days, he’d spoken very softly to her, almost as if something too loud would make her afraid. “Promise.” She let out a small laugh as he enveloped his pinky with hers, giving her a pink promise. A small smile stayed on her lips and Joel smirked at that, removing her socks and scooping her from under her arms, lowering her into the water slowly. “There we go.” He smiled down at her. She tightened her breath for just a minute at the somewhat cold water, but let it fall away when she felt Joel holding her. 

“Not cold, my ass.” She tried to joke, rubbing her arms and standing on her own. Joel smiled, and suddenly, he lowered himself into the water, slicking his hair back and surfacing again, wiping his face. 

“Nah, it’s refreshing, kiddo.” Joel smiled, swimming out and floating on his back. Ellie watched by the edge of the creek, careful to be able to get out if something were to jump out of the water, or if the ground beneath her seemingly gave out. “‘T’s alright, gotta get comfortable with the water.” Joel smiled, taking her hand and slowly leading her out, but she eventually pulled her hand back when the water met her neck. “Okay, let me hold you, then?” He asked holding her and making her float on her stomach with her head just above the water. 

His left hand took hers and he began helping her stroke, telling her to kick as well. She looked like a fish on water and she was still slightly quiet, but as hard as she tried to deny it, a small smile crept on her lips. “Gotta punch the water with your whole arm.” He ordered, smiling when she began to float without him having to exert such force. 

“D-don’t let me go.” She ordered him slightly, and he nodded, keeping his grip on her. Her confidence in herself was decimated after the boys’ attack and after the initial shock, she was simply left in a state of shyness and quiet. 

“There ya go.” Ellie smiled as she began to float without Joel having to carry her, but then she let him go. But, she didn’t see, and she started moving forward through the water, kicking and ‘punching it with her whole arm.’ “There you go, kiddo, you got it.” Joel smiled and she grinned after popping in and out of the water like a frog, doing breaststroke. But she suddenly remembered that Joel was no longer holding her and she raced back towards him, afraid of drowning. “You had it, kiddo.” Joel smiled when she dove back into his arms, looking up at him. Ellie smiled for a second, grateful for his praise, since she wasn’t allowed to do that for herself. 

“That wasn’t… horrible.” Ellie whispered, smiling up at Joel. Her hair was slicked back and she wiped the water from her face. She wore a tank top and it clung to her skin, soaked. 

“You wanna try on your own?” Joel asked, and Ellie looked up, still sort of uneasy about doing it without Joel there, or doing  _ anything  _ without Joel there. “It’s alright, I’m right here.” Joel assured her, walking them a little deeper out and slowly letting her go. She began swimming again and took a deep breath, ducking underwater and vanishing from Joel’s sight. He grinned, thankful that she’d seemed to be happy for just a second. It’d been so hard seeing her so broken. 

Winter was traumatic for both of them, but especially Ellie. She was silent and traumatized, just as she’d been in Winter. He hated that her only solution to her nightmares was not to sleep. She was exhausted, and Joel didn’t know how to help. He had no idea how she was swimming around after not sleeping for almost two days straight. She didn’t even allow herself to shut her eyes, afraid of what she would see. Joel watch her silently torture herself, not able to help at all. 

Finally, he realized that he couldn’t see her anymore. He looked around, searching for her. “Ellie?” He called in the air, ducking his head under and looking in the water for her. “Ellie?” He called again, his voice growing more panicked. He called her name again, beginning to move around. Cold panic ran through him and he checked underneath the water once again, surfacing and finding nothing. “Ellie?!” Joel yelled through the air, his breath increasing and he squeezed his nails into his palms, spinning around and looking for any sort of splash or ripple, but there was nothing. “Baby, where are you?” He roared, running through the water and looking under to see anything, but there was nothing there. “Ellie!” He screamed, growing more and more panicked. He felt his throat close around him as he realized he couldn’t find her. 

“Ellie, where are you?!” He called through the air, sprinting through the water and looking for any color under the waves. It was his fault, he brought her here and now she was drowning of being eaten by some shark because of him. “ _ ELLIE _ !” Joel roared, frantically splashing through the water, and then he heard a splash and a gasp for air. Joel spun around, seeing that Ellie was at the far edge of the creek. The creek was at the edge of Jackson, and the hill that Jackson rested on. So, the edge of the creek had a sheer drop that was blocked by a small dirt wall that acted as a sort of dam. “Oh, my God.” Joel breathed, wiping the tire and sheer panic that had been running through him. He quickly swam to Ellie, seeing that her eyes were closed. He shook Ellie gently and she flinched, almost raising her fists until she saw it was Joel. “You scared the shit out of me.” Joel breathed, taking Ellie in his arms and squeezing her tightly, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath. 

“Sorry, I… I was spacing out.” Ellie whispered, gently taking herself from Joel’s grip and rested herself on the dirt wall, looking out at the landscape before them.  _ “Kinda pretty, ain’t it?”  _ It was the words he’d said to her when they first got to Jackson. She’d seen him underwater. In the darkness, she saw him. At first it was Chase, and then David, and she just swam until she ran out of air. 

Ellie looked out towards the horizon and sighed, scraping the dirt damn with her fingernail, wondering what would happen if she fell and she fell with it, to her death. 

“I’m sorry.” Joel whispered, looking down. They’d talked about what had happened, but Ellie was still a mess. She was certainly better than she was the previous day, but better was not good. Dina and Jesse had managed to cheer her up a little bit, and her smiling was less rare -much less rare- than it had been the first time she’d had to go through this. 

“No, Joel, this isn’t your fault… I’ve done this before… I can do it again.”  _ I think.  _ Ellie thought and Joel took her hand, squeezing it in the now warm water. He stood next to her, keeping her afloat even though she could roughly now do it herself. “It gets better after a little bit… the nightmares go away if you bury it enough.” Joel sighed, suddenly taking Ellie into his arms and squeezing her tightly. She leaned into him, shutting her eyes and just trying to pretend it was them on the road again… just her and him, like it was meant to be. “I know… I’m sorry. I just… I let my guard down.”  _ I got too comfortable… I forgot what kind of world we lived in.  _ Joel kissed the top of her forehead and bended down to her height, meeting her eyes and inspecting every shade of skin on her face. 

“Listen to me… you’re going to be safe here now… those bastards are leavin’, and I’m right here now.” Ellie took a deep breath and built up all of the pain that she felt, building it into one giant mess. And then she exhaled, and let it run from her system, falling into the chasm beneath them. “Okay?” He whispered, trying to smile at her warmly, but it fell at her state. 

“Okay, I believe you.” Ellie whispered, nuzzling into the hand he’d laid on her jaw and shutting her eyes, hiding in Joel’s chest while he kept them afloat. “I’m sorry…” Ellie whispered, hating that she’d kept Joel in suspense and pain while she remained broken. “I love you.” She murmured and realized it was one of the first times she’d said it to him since they got to Jackson. She’d been so caught up with his massive lie, and then of course everything that had happened with the fire, and with what Chase had almost done to her. 

“I love you, too, baby girl.” He kissed the top of her head again and they quieted, both of them staring at the view in silence. And then the cold began to settle across Ellie’s skin as the sun set, and it began to become darker. She shivered in Joel’s arms and he rubbed her back, getting cold as well. “Yeah, reckon it’s time we get dry.” He whispered, taking her hand and beginning to lead her through the water again. He pulled himself up onto land and then reached down to her, lifting her by her armpits. “There you are.” 

“Shit, it’s fucking cold.” Ellie shivered now that the freezing air met her wet skin. Her arms were bare and she chattered her teeth. Joel quickly picked up his bag, wielding a large towel and draping it over her, before getting his own and doing the same. “J-Jesus.” She whispered, rubbing the fabric on her wet arms and legs. She was dressed in shorts and a tanktop, due to the fact that the start of summer had fallen upon them. 

“I know, lemme make a fire.” He hushed her softly, beginning to collect twigs and branches, throwing them into a pile and making a makeshift firepit. He took his lighter from his bag, setting the branches on fire and letting it quickly spread. He beckoned Ellie over, fanning the flames with his hands. “Alright, over here, baby girl.”   
She nodded, holding her palms over the fire and warming up quickly. Joel had taken out another set of clothes for her along with himself, and as they’d always done, they both turned around quickly changing. Once they were done, Joel took Ellie in his arms, trying to warm her up. She still chattered her teeth and he let her nestle under his arm, crawling into his chest. They leaned against a large log, using it as a seat. Darkness was spreading across the sky and the fire provided a warmth that was rare. It felt like they were both on the road again and Ellie smiled, lightened when it was just him and her. “So, I, uh… I brought you somethin’.” Joel smiled, taking from behind him a medium-sized guitar. 

Ellie realized with wonder that it was one that he had made his own. It still had fresh sawdust on it and it smelled like a new house. Ellie’s face crept into a giant smile and he watched as he presented her with it. There were somewhat fresh strings on them, and it was gleaming. It was the cleanest thing she’d seen since they left the QZ. “I promised I’d make you one. Reckon you’d like to put your own design on it?” Ellie vigorously nodded, her mind already burning with ideas. 

Joel carefully handed it to her and she took it graciously, fingering the strings and plucking them, letting out a melodic tone. Ellie smiled, looking up at Joel with a giant grin. “Ya like it?”

“‘Like it?’ Joel, are you insane, this is fucking amazing.” Ellie giggled, looking up at him and seeing a face of pride as she began to methodically fiddle with the strings. “This is so fucking cool…” She whispered, playing a small tune with the guitar, but she really didn’t have any idea what she was doing. 

“Reckon I can start teachin’ ya?” Ellie nodded excitedly, letting Joel separate from her and she handed him the guitar again, looking up at him. He let out a chuckle, looking down at her. “What, right now?” He asked with a grin and she nodded, her excitement beaming out. It’d been the happiest he’d seen her since Chase and he nodded his head, wanting that to continue. 

“Yes, right now.” Ellie giggled, letting out a squeal of victory when Joel muttered a ‘yes,’ placing his hands on the guitar. “Thank you, thank you!” She hugged him with a large grin and he let himself release a laugh. 

“Alright, alright. Now, pay attention.” And so, the night went on. He began to play small melodies, teaching her the strings and having her repeat them. They stayed up for hours, just practicing songs and smiling together. It was like they were on the road again and it felt better than anything Ellie had ever felt since they got to Jackson, beside meeting her friends. 

Soon enough, after an hour or two, Ellie began to be able to roughly play songs, but there were still many things she had to learn. And eventually, Joel took back the guitar and she laid down next to him, listening to his soothing music with a relaxed expression and a grin. 

Ellie hadn’t slept in fifty hours, around two and a half days. So, exhaustion began to weigh her down. Her desperate attempts to chase it away were slowly weakening as Joel continued playing. He’d begun singing again, watching her eyes slowly drift closed. “ _ Put your dreams away for another day, and I will take their place in your heart… Wishing on a star never got you far, and so it's time to make a new start. _ ” She smiled, nestling on his lap as he continued to play. For the first time in days, her fears and worries began to melt from her face and all she could hear was Joel’s husked over voice and his warm breath right on her skin. She placed her hand on his heart, feeling each  _ thump  _ with another smile of her own. 

_ “When your dreams at night fade before you… Then I'll have the right to adore you.”  _ Joel looked down at her, seeing that she was still fighting to stay awake, but he was slowly winning his plan of trying to get her to rest, if only for a few hours. She was relaxed, and he had faith that her nightmares would release her, maybe for just a day, but a day she desperately needed. “ _ Let your kiss confess this is happiness, darling, and put all your dreams away. When your dreams at night fade before you then I'll have the right to adore you.”  _

She lost her fight and her eyes had shut. He slowly placed the guitar down, incredibly careful not to wake her. Joel took in the sight of her sleeping, letting a relieved sigh run through him. It’d been days since she slept, terrified of what she would see in her dreams. It all felt  _ so real _ , like she was living the literal nightmare all over again… but, Joel’s singing had seemed to lull her to sleep like a child, and like he was singing her a lullaby. “Goodnight, baby girl…” He whispered, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear that had fallen into her eyes. 

Ellie looked so peaceful sleeping and he relished it, letting a small smirk run on his lips when he saw her slow breaths.  _ No nightmares.  _ He prided himself on his song, seeing it had calmed her. He considered playing while she slept, but he didn’t want to chance waking her. So, he closed his eyes, rubbing her back and making sure that she felt his presence.  _ I’m right here, baby girl. I’m never leaving you alone again. I can’t believe those bastards tried to… Jesus. I hope they get bit, they deserve everything coming to them.  _

Joel made sure to get her out of the town while they were getting banished, because he knew that if someone had tried to take Ellie from him, he wouldn’t be too happy. He didn’t want her to have to go through anything more. If some of the boys’ school friends tried to do something, or if any of their family did, Ellie wouldn’t be there for them to attack her. He was going to keep her  _ safe _ , whether it killed him or not. But he wouldn’t let it, because she needed him. And he needed her. If either of them stopped living, both of them did. He knew it was a fact, and so did she. So they protected each other because their lives depended on it. 

He was thankful that she seemed to be recovering from the boys’ attack and Dina and Jesse had certainly aided it that. He liked both of them, and was surprised Dina had killed someone before. She seemed so sweet and caring, but so did Ellie at first, well… not really, but the message was hidden somewhere in her.  _ Goodnight, baby girl.  _ He whispered, feeling sleep begin to claim him and soon enough, he was asleep with her in his arms, the new guitar laying beside them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty, that was a long chapter, and i wrote it like six different times, but i kinda like the finished product, so i hope you guys did! also if anyone is wanting more ellie/joel, i have some on my old wattpad. be warned, that's from like a year ago and my writing sucked then, but if you want to look, my wattpad is tommythetrainengine. also, requests are currently open, so if you have any asks, comment them! i am thinking of doing some more ellie/dina,dina/jesse and jesse/ellie next chapter and the next few chapters so i can set up for when i write part 2. this 'season' might be a bit longer because there's a lot more potential here than just writing part 1 of them being on the road. i kind of want to make an original character for joel, not sure if i'll have them be 'good' or not yet. maybe an attack at jackson, idk. ANYHOW, comments and kudos are very appreciated, and there should be an update soon :)


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Joel return from their small break; Ellie returns to the ranch and tells Dina the truth.

Sleep began to leave his body and he slowly rustled, opening his eyes. Ellie’s guitar was lying beside him, and he registered the weight of her sleeping figure in his arms. He smiled, thankful she’d gotten some sleep. For the past two days, she’d been starving herself, and not allowing herself to sleep. The second day, Tommy had gotten her some medicine for her nightmares, it was supposed to help with her PTSD, but she still didn’t chance it. 

He’d had nightmares before, so he understood. He _hated_ he couldn’t help her, but he made up for it with getting her to sleep the previous night. Joel looked down to her, drawing back a strand of hair that fell from her lazy ponytail. He gently let her down, standing and stretching his legs. He stamped out the nearly dead fire and took a deep sigh. It smelled like _nature_ , which was something Jackson lacked. It was so colorful with its scents, due to how many people inhabited it. He had a sneaking feeling that Ellie felt the same way about being in Jackson. He missed being alone on the road with her, and of course, he was grateful for having Tommy in his life again, and not having to worry about food, or Infected. He began to pack their belongings up. 

Ellie’s soaked clothing was laid in the sun, and now it was slightly damp. Joel’s laid beside her and he folded them up, placing them in his bag. He then rolled up his sleeping bag, leaving her figure snoozing beside him. He moved quietly, wanting her to get as much comfort and sleep as she could, knowing it might not be the same scenario the next night. 

Finally, he heard a shuffle behind him as he was packing her guitar onto his bag. She let out a small yawn, cracking her eyes open and see Joel looking at her, a small smile on his lips when he saw her mussed hair. “Mornin’.”   
She let out another yawn, taming her red locks and stretching her arms. Ellie hadn’t -somehow- had a nightmare, which almost scared her more. She couldn’t be afraid of anything anymore, because the worst she’d seen was more than any other child ever had. “Morning…” She made out, shutting her eyes again and laying back down, tired from how much sleep she’d gotten, as she wasn’t used to it. 

“You look like ya slept well.” Joel smiled, brushing her hair down and watching a small smirk grow on her lips. “Very well.”  
“Yeah, yeah.” Ellie chattered, playfully smacking him off and fixing it herself. She slowly stood, cracking her knuckles and her neck, making Joel throw a fake glare at her. 

“Told ya, you can break your damn neck doin’ that, kiddo.” Ellie rolled her eyes, walking past him and stretching her legs out. “Reckon we should head back now, don’t want anything surprising us.” Joel took her hand and they sleepily began to walk through the woods, the birds and insects chirping around them.   
_It’s too quiet._ Ellie thought to herself, looking around them and scanning the trees. Joel squeezed her hand, sensing her unsettled feeling. “Hey, Joel.” He looked back at her, dipping his head in acknowledgment. “Can I go on patrol with you again?” She asked, her voice still slightly quiet. Her reserve existed, but after actually getting some rest and taking a break from the stress of Jackson, she felt much better. Also, the boys had most likely been banished already while they were out, so Ellie felt a small bit of relief run through her. A funeral for Chase had already happened, but not many people showed up in a spiteful disgust at what he’d tried to do to Ellie. It almost comforted Ellie, knowing not everyone thought she was a total freak. 

“I dunno, kiddo…” Joel itched the back of his neck, looking down. Ellie wasn’t exactly in the most ‘stable’ state, and Joel didn’t want to explore the consequences of what would happen if they were to run into any hunters. 

“Please, Joel?” Ellie asked, her voice still slightly hushed. Her shyness and withdrawn personality lingered over her and Joel squeezed her hand, hating that she still wasn’t okay. “Pleaseeeee?” She pouted up at him, giving him a sad face and he rolled his eyes, letting out a small chuckle and looking away. 

“That ain’t fair and you know it.” He smirked, shaking his head and looking down to the ground as they walked. Finally, he sighed, breaking from her adorable expression. “Shit, fine… only if you’re careful.” Ellie let out a small giggle and hugged Joel, nestling onto him as they walked, shutting her eyes and taking a deep breath of his scent. It comforted her, as it was the only thing they relied on when they were on the road. 

“Maybe I can go back to the ranch soon.” Ellie muttered, wanting to return to Dina and Ellie. Dina had already begun making the new ranch a home, something that Jesse had told her about when he visited right after _it_ happened. Ellie wondered if she’d ever tell them about what David had done to her. She wanted to, but part of her was fearful. She was worried Dina or Jesse would judge her, or stop hanging out with her, thinking of her as a broken toy… David certainly did. “Dina says one of the mares is due soon, so they’ll need help.” 

Part of her face showed she was fearful of returning and Joel knew she’d be carrying her full bag around with her, which carried her weapons and different means to protect herself. Ellie trusted nearly no one now, no one other than Tommy, Maria, Joel and her friends. Anyone could hurt her, she learned that the hard way. 

“Only if you’re comfortable, kiddo.” He assured her, looking seriously down into her eyes. She frowned and looked down, nodding. They stopped walking and Joel bended down towards her height, holding her jaw gently with his finger. “Hey… we’re okay now, alright?” He asked and she slowly nodded, taking him into a hug. He breathed against her, quickly hugging her back. _Besides… I don’t think anyone’s comin’ near you again… everyone’s too afraid._

“Okay.” Ellie breathed, shutting her eyes and separating herself from Joel. “Okay, I let it have five its minutes… I’m okay now.” She sighed, opening her eyes and looking back at Joel. She took his hand again and slowly began walking, pushing away the thoughts of what had happened to her half a week ago. 

“Alright… reckon we can-” Joel was suddenly cut off as something threw him against the ground, ripping his grip from Ellie. Ellie let out a scream, frightened by the sudden separation and she spun around, seeing a stalker had thrown itself onto Joel, its teeth running for Joel’s neck. 

“ _Joel_!” Ellie screamed, running towards him and wielding her knife, pouncing onto the stalker and throwing her blade into the back of its neck, quickly killing it. She fell with its body and Joel picked her up quickly, hearing the screams of more Infected. “Shit, Joel?” Ellie asked, looking up to him and seeing more Infected run from the trees. 

“Okay, c’mon. We’re runnin’, the gate ain’t too far.” Joel ordered, dragging Ellie behind her. She still had a slight limp from her injuries from the boys’ attack, so she was laggard and was a little slower than Joel. He looked back to see three stalkers chasing after them, along with two clickers. “Shit.” He swore, knowing neither of them had enough ammo. Tommy supposedly cleared this neck of the woods, they weren’t expecting a fight. 

“Joel?” She asked again, her voice shaky and clearly fearful. He squeezed her hand, backing away from the Infected and pulling her along once again, unsure of what to do. It was around a mile to the fence and he knew Ellie couldn’t run that far with the cut she’d acquired during the attack. “W-where are we going?”

“Just stay with me, kiddo.” He whispered, pulling her along as the Infected grew closer and closer. Suddenly, a clicker pulled Ellie’s foot, making her hit the ground and rip her hand from Joel for a moment. It threw itself onto her, its teeth aiming for her plush skin. 

Joel’s instincts immediately screamed at him to keep her safe as her horrible scream left her lips. She tried to keep the clicker off of her, but with her damaged arm, her strength was quickly fleeting. Joel took his revolver and cocked the gun, unloading onto the clicker and letting blood fly on both Ellie’s and his face. “Ellie!” He roared, throwing the body off of her and scooping her up, carrying her since she was laggard and slow due to her injured self. “Are you okay?” 

“Y-yeah, I’m okay.” She whispered, grateful Joel was carrying her. He sprinted as quickly as he could, but the Infected were catching up. Finally, they saw the gate and Joel felt an ocean of relief run through him. Ellie wiped the blood from her skin and looked back towards the Infected. A series of bullets suddenly ran through the air and she flinched, hiding in Joel’s chest and almost expecting to be dead. 

But, she kept living. Ellie looked up to see that there was a guard on the fence, her rifle steaming. “Get the fuck in!” She yelled, dropping from the guard’s post and unlocking the gate, grabbing Joel and yanking him in violently, slamming the gate behind her. Joel met her eyes; they were a fiery amber, matching her brunette hair. “Faye.” 

“Joel.” He responded back, checking Ellie in his arms and breathing again when he saw that she was clean. Faye nodded, returning to her post and climbing up the ladder, beginning to shoot at the clickers and stalkers that were groping the wall. “Thank you.” The woman had a similar accent to Joel’s and she nodded in acknowledgement, looking back at Ellie with an odd expression, one Joel couldn’t comprehend. 

“Are you clean?” She asked, not lowering her rifle. Joel nodded instantly, sighing in relief when she dropped the rifle, looking back towards the Infected. “And the girl?” She asked, keeping her rifle trained on Ellie. Joel’s eyebrows knitted together and he nodded quickly, thanking god when she lowered the deadly weapon. “Okay, so get your brat out of here, I have to deal with these fuckers.” 

Joel nodded, too relieved to even be angered at her calling Ellie names. He released Ellie, letting her stand on her own. She held her hands on her knees and sighed, wiping her hair back. Sprinkles of blood were hidden on her cheeks and a river of blood stained her shirt from when Joel had killed the clicker tackling her. “That was too damn close.” 

“That was fucking intense.” Ellie corrected him, letting out a final breath and turning to face him, seeing the fresh terror on his face. Joel took her hand again, leading her towards their house. “That was nice, though… thank you.” She whispered, grateful to have a break from everything that had happened to her. 

Joel nodded, squeezing Ellie’s hand and pushing their door open, feeling a rush of comfort run through them when they reached what felt like safety. Though, the house no longer felt like safety to Ellie, not after Chase. Joel was slowly helping her recover that, but slowly. “I’m fucking hungry.” Ellie muttered, tired from the early scare. Joel nodded, moving towards the refrigerator. 

“Yeah, reckon I could eat, too.” Joel responded, pulling out a small box of something. Ellie looked at it, her stomach growling in anticipation. “Hold your horses.” He smiled, presenting her with the box. “You’re gon’ love this.” He packed the bacon into the oven, laying a few pieces on a metal tray. Her ears perked up and she watched it heat, giving Joel a chuckle. “It’s gon’ take a while. You should go change, ya stink.”   
“Yeah, you smell great, too, old man.” She teased, slowly heading upstairs as the food cooked. She’d temporarily kept her things in Joel’s room, since she didn’t like sleeping or staying in her room now. It was haunting, sleeping on the same bed that Chase nearly assaulted her on. 

So, she travelled to Joel’s room, changing her clothing and replacing her scrunched ponytail holder with a new one. She counted swimming yesterday as a shower and sighed, looking out towards the hallway, still able to see trails of blood running down it. She heard a ding downstairs and recognized it as the alarm for the oven, meaning the food was ready. She tied her hair back a third time, her eyes burning into the hallway. Chase’s hand had stuck out of the doorframe when she killed him… “Hey, Ellie! Food!” Joel called up, breaking her trance. 

She took a deep sigh, pushing herself to travel down the steps. Ellie’s nose instantly took in the smell of the bacon and she turned her nose up, sniffling at the delectable scent. “That smells fucking good.” Ellie smiled, making her way towards the kitchen’s island and sitting atop it, watching Joel ready the meat. 

“Yeah, reckon it will. No idea how Tommy got his hands on this.” Joel chuckled, splitting the bacon into small bits and handing one to Ellie. She placed it on her tongue and felt an ocean of flavor run through her taste buds. Her face erupted into joy and she looked up at Joel, seeing the man smile down at her. “So, that’s a yes, then, kiddo?”  
“Are you fucking serious? This shit is amazing!” Ellie gibed, taking another piece from Joel and swallowing it in a second, continuing to take more in more in addiction. “Can’t believe this.” She giggled, looking at the food as if it were magical. 

“Slow down, slow down. You’ll make yourself sick.” He murmured, eventually taking away the food. She growled, reaching for it again. “This stuff ain’t healthy for you, you can have more tomorrow once.” 

“Ugh, fine.” She groaned, moving towards the couch and falling down on it, shutting her eyes. She contemplated going to the ranch; it was early in the morning, so Dina and Jesse were most likely just arriving. She was scared they’d pity her, or question why Chase had affected her so much… Ellie wanted to tell them about David, but she wasn’t sure if she could go through that so quickly. _Would they judge her? Would they alienate her? “_ I think I wanna go back today.” 

Joel walked over to her, squeezing her hand and bending down. “I can come with you, if you want.” Ellie shook her head, taking a deep sigh. “Okay… no one’s forcing you to go back so soon, kiddo.” Joel reassured her, taking her hand and rubbing her skin, trying to comfort her. 

“I know… I think being with Dina and Jesse will help, though.” Ellie shrugged, hoping what she was saying was the truth. If nothing else, it would at least distract her, as long as Dina and Jesse didn’t try to bring it up… but she worried they would. 

“Okay, kiddo.” He nodded, squeezing her hand again before she finally rose, slipping her hiking boots on and tying her hair back once again, but loose strands still framed her face as always. “Reckon you want me to pick you up again, then?” He asked and she nodded, slinging her bag over her shoulders. It held her pistol, her knife, her mother’s letter -which she always kept on her-, and finally, her journal. 

“I’m probably not going to stay that long.” Ellie told him, giving Joel one last hug before wrapping her hand around the door. She hesitated for a second but finally, she exited the house, making her way towards the newly made ranch. Joel watched her until her figure was no longer visible from the house. It was the first time she’d left the house alone since what had happened. But, she kept her knife in her hands as she travelled to the ranch, and that calmed his concerns a little bit. 

When she finally made it to the ranch, she heard conversation, but it sounded muted. She recognized it as Dina and Ellie, and she knew they were most likely discussing her. It almost made her feel better that they weren’t so happy without her, it made her feel like they actually cared about her. “Hello?” Ellie called, looking into the ranch. Dina and Jesse sat in a pen, brushing the matted hair of one of the horses. They both turned around, seeing Ellie looking around in the doorway of the ranch. 

Dina instantly ran towards her, completely covering her in her arms and hugging her tightly. “Ellie! I didn’t think you were gonna come back.” Ellie smiled for a second, nodding towards Jesse as Dina choked her. 

“Yeah, uh, I wanna get out of the house, so…” Ellie shrugged, tossing her bag down and looking around the new ranch, seeing Dina had hung up string lights above the pens. “Definitely an upgrade.” She smirked, letting out a small laugh. To Dina and Jesse, she seemed much better than she had been the last time they saw her. 

“Yeah, Tommy finally let me put some shit up.” Dina gestured to the lights around the ranch, a small smile on her face. “Still need to make name tags for the pens, though.” She groaned. Both Jesse and Dina could tell Ellie didn’t want to discuss what’d happened. Dina knew that her father was the one who she went to in that department. She remembered Jesse pitying her when she first got to Jackson, and how demeaning it felt. 

“Joel might be able to do that. He used to be a carpenter.” Ellie shrugged, knowing Joel would do it happily. He wanted to teach her how to carve, but she didn’t have much interest in it, just his guitar. Still, she loved his finished products. He promised her he was working on something for her and anticipation was growing in her each day. She already loved her guitar, something Joel now continued to give her lessons for. He said he’d teach her. 

“Yeah, that’d be cool.” Dina nodded, taking Ellie’s hand once again. Dina made her way over to one of the horses, Theodore, and saddled it, raising her hand to Ellie. “She’s due for a ride this week, wanna join me? Plus, I know Jesse loves scooping all the horse shit by himself.” Dina laughed, getting a glare from Jesse. Ellie nodded, taking Dina’s hand and climbing onto the horse behind her. Jesse opened the gate for them and so, they began to ride out into the routes built for the horses. 

“Sure.” Ellie nodded, looking back towards Jesse as they began to ride out, _clip clops_ sounding beneath them. “So…” Ellie began, looking around them. The wind blew in both of their hair, making it swarm around them. It was around noon, and the sun was high in the sky. Though, it’d begun to be shrouded by dark clouds. Ellie felt that it was going to be raining soon, which she made a mental note of. _I should tell her._ Ellie thought, taking a deep sigh. But, she wanted to save it for later. It was sensitive, and she wanted Dina to understand and not leave her. 

“So, tell me, I’ve gotta know. Did you totally kick Jesse’s ass in his game?” Dina asked, a smile on her lips. Ellie let out a small laugh, looking down and brushing a strand of hair from her eyes. 

“Yeah… I did.” Ellie smirked, looking to Dina and keeping her hands on the back of the horse, keeping herself steady. “Wasn’t too high of a bar.” Dina let out a snicker, but then it became quiet once again. What Chase had done was looming over them, but neither of them, _especially_ Ellie, wanted to talk it about. She reminded herself of Joel’s words from Autumn; _‘things happen… and we move on.’_ “So, I was… I was thinking… maybe, I could put a mural in the ranch, or something… like a painting. It looks kind of boring now.” 

Dina faked a gasp and placed her hand on her chest, pretending to be offended. “And after all that time I spent hanging up those lights.” Ellie laughed for a second, but eventually Dina nodded. “I can’t promise Jesse or me will be much help, but, yeah, that’d look amazing, Ellie.” Dina smiled back at her, continuing to ride through the woods. The horse neighed and Ellie stroked its fur, tangling her fingers in it without hurting the animal. 

_“_ Thank you.” Ellie didn’t know if Dina could see the seriousness behind the gratitude. “Not just for the mural, for… for everything.” Dina blushed and she looked back at Ellie, taking her hand for a second before releasing it. “I didn’t think anyone would notice me.” 

_“_ We didn’t think there was anyone cool left to meet.” Dina smiled back at her, giving Ellie a wink. Ellie let out another laugh as they descended deeper into the woods. Suddenly, rain began to drizzled down and Dina let out a laugh, letting it fall on our hand. 

“Should we go back?” Ellie asked, looking up at the sky and seeing that dark clouds were looming above them, thunder beginning to crack. 

“Why? The rain is so pretty. Don’t you just want to stand and dance in it?” Ellie laughed at her weirdness, watching Dina dismount the horse, trotting around in the now muddy forest. The trees above them broke the rainfall slightly, but water still fell from the sky. 

“Are you high?” Ellie smiled, watching as Dina spun around in the ground, dancing like a ballerina. 

“Always.” She looked back at Ellie, earning a small giggle from the girl. Ellie watched as Dina suddenly grabbed a handful of mud, but without any warning, Dina suddenly hurled a ball of mud at Ellie, landing it on her cheek. Ellie gasped, wiping the mud away with a fake hurt expression. “Come on, let’s see if you can beat my mud-war highscore.” Ellie laughed, jumping off of the horse, taking a hand of mud and throwing it back at Dina. “Weak shot.” She shook her head, disappointed. 

Soon enough, both of them were absolutely drenched in mud and water, both from the rain and each other. Dina suddenly charged Ellie, pushing her to the ground and rubbing mud on her cheek, making her laugh. It was freezing and she shivered under it, but Dina sat atop her, making her blush. “So, what… my favor, then?” 

Ellie laughed, nodding and taking one last hand of mud and sliding it against Dina’s cheek. The slightly older girl chuckled and rubbed her face, trying to get the mud off. Ellie stilled for a second, debating if she wanted to lean in or not. Still, the trauma of Winter climbed over her and she pulled away, not wanting to lose someone again. After Winter, after… _after Riley_ , and Tess, and Sam and Henry… she couldn’t lose somebody again. She’d almost lost Joel, and that to her was truly horrifying. She couldn’t do it again. “Sure, I’ll give it to you.” Ellie whispered, feeling Dina take herself off of Ellie, still smiling at her. 

“Oh, that’s very generous of you, Ellie.” Dina sneered with a smirk, giving Ellie her hand and pulling her back up. Suddenly, Dina quieted and looked at Ellie, taking in every color of her clothing and skin. 

“What?” Ellie asked, looking at Dina with a trace of a smile on her lips. Dina sighed, looking back towards the horse and then Ellie, her hands playing with each other. 

“I never thanked you.” Dina spoke suddenly, looking at Ellie with a grateful expression. “For saving me… if I died, I… Jesse would’ve been destroyed.” Dina became serious for a moment and shifted from foot to foot, awaiting Ellie’s response. 

“I know you would’ve done the same thing for me.” Ellie nodded her head, looking to Dina with a smile. Dina suddenly took her into a hug, squeezing Ellie hard. And with that, Ellie took a breath, squeezing her eyes shut and exhaling… “Dina, I… I need to tell you something.” Ellie’s voice suddenly shifted and she took herself from Dina’s grip, slinking down to the ground and holding her knees in her arms. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Dina asked, bending beside Ellie. Ellie took a deep sigh, shutting her eyes and imagining that fucking lakeside resort and the horrors she’d experienced in it. Joel was lying on that _fucking_ matress, David choking her. David molesting her. _Dina needs to know. Both of them do._ “Ellie?” 

“The reason I was so… so upset about Chase…” Ellie started, looking into Dina’s eyes, trying to use the dark chocolatey color to comfort her, and it almost worked. She imagined Joel around her, holding her in a tight hug and squeezing her, making sure she felt his presence. She calmed at that thought and took a deep breath. “Fuck… back when Joel and I were outside… he got hurt, and I had to haul his ass around during… during Winter.” Dina took Ellie’s hand, but the smaller girl shut her eyes, looking away at the horse and imagining Callus. _We never even got to bury him. We should’ve gone back and buried him._ “There were these _fucking_ hunters… cannibals.” Ellie corrected herself, remembering the first time she awoke in the cell, seeing that man chopping up limbs. A fiery fear had arisen in her that day, one she still held on to. “I led them away so they didn’t get Joel… so they got me instead of him.” 

Dina examined Ellie, seeing the visible pain on her friend’s face. Dina’s eyebrows clenched together and she squeezed Ellie’s hand, but the gesture didn’t pull the girl out of the trance. “And then, he got me.” Ellie whispered, not able to say David’s name. She had never been this vulnerable around Dina, or Jesse, for that matter. Maybe besides the days after the fire… maybe the day after Chase. “And I couldn’t stop it that time.” Was all she said, looking up towards Dina, awaiting her reaction. “Joel found me after.” 

“Oh, Ellie.” Dina breathed, quickly taking Ellie in her hands and squeezing her, unsure of what to say to make Ellie feel better. “I’m so sorry.” Dina muttered, feeling Ellie sniffle in her arms. She wrapped her arms around Ellie, not letting go. The rain poured around them, almost to the point they couldn’t hear each other. “I’m so sorry.” She repeated, trying to block Ellie from the rain and the emotions she was feeling. 

“I’m sorry.” Ellie said as well, apologetic for burdening Dina with her problems. Dina shook her head, separating herself from Ellie and brushing her hair back, as it had come loose in their playful tussle. “Fuck, this is embarassing.” Ellie laughed for a second, wiping her tears and sniffling, wiping her nose. 

“No, no. Thank you for telling me.” Dina whispered, looking straight into Ellie’s eyes and being much more serious than Ellie had ever seen her. Ellie nodded, shivering and rubbing her nude arms, chattering her teeth. 

“We should head back…” Ellie whispered, seeing Dina nod. She stood, not wanting Dina to pity her. 

“Okay…” Dina watched Ellie mount the horse and hold her hand out for Dina. The girl accepted it and climbed on behind Ellie, keeping her hands on her shoulders. Ellie wiped her tears, but the pouring rain camouflaged them quite well. Dina rested her head on Ellie’s shoulder, whispering and trying to comfort her. “Ellie-”  
“I’m okay.” Ellie assured her, looking back as she moved Dina and her back towards the ranch. _Shit, Joel’s probably wondering where I am. Joel must_ love _being alone with Jesse._ Ellie almost smiled at the thought of both of them standing awkwardly in the ranch, none of them knowing what to say. It almost cheered her up. Still, she focused on the pleasant afternoon with Dina and smiled for a second, taking a deep breath and letting the memories of Winter fade away. _That’s over… we’re in Jackson now, and we’re both safe, Ellie. You’re okay, now, alright? It’s going to be okay._ She tried to tell herself, putting a small amount of the stress away from her veins. 

“So, about that mural… Jesse’s dad can probably get you some paints for that. Some decent brushes?” Ellie smiled, nodding her head and looking back towards Dina’s face propped on her shoulder. “Yeah, thought you’d like that.” Dina smiled, pleased to see that she had cheered up Ellie almost a little. Cold shock was running through Dina from Ellie’s confession. 

_I know Ellie said there were assholes outside, but… fucking Jesus._ She thought, pitying her friend, knowing that wasn’t what Ellie wanted. _I can’t treat her differently… that’s not what I would want._ She’d been through that, Jesse had done the same thing when Dina first arrived in Jackson. “Yeah, some actual paints would be nice. Back in the zone, my friend and I used to sneak out and steal some from the other kids.” Ellie fondly remembered sneaking out with Riley, something that would have horrifying consequences. _Could I have stopped that? I told her we shouldn’t have kept going. I told her we should’ve turned back. Maybe if I just pushed her a little harder. Maybe, just_ maybe _she’d still be here._

“Kinda glad I didn’t have to live in a QZ now.” Dina remarked and Ellie nodded. They were now able to see the silhouette of the ranch as they got closer and closer. Ellie sighed, looking back at Dina. 

“Marlene…” Ellie’s breath hitched when she said that name. She hadn’t thought of Marlene in a couple of days, something she felt guilty for. Marlene had been like a replacement mother for her… and Ellie just tossed her aside. _Should I have gone back and buried her? Would Joel have even taken me back there._ “Marlene looked after me. Made sure Riley and me were fed, but… Joel said they barely had rations… only way he got by was because he and… and Tess smuggled.” She felt another brush of guilt when she thought of Tess, someone she hadn’t thought of since... she couldn't remember. “Tess was his… person.” Ellie left it at that, and Dina didn’t pry. 

Finally, they approached the ranch, rain still travelling down both of them. The gates closed, so Dina swung herself down from the horse and opened it, leading Ellie inside. Ellie ducked her head down to fit under the ranch’s doors and instantly she found Jesse and Joel inside, both of them awkwardly looking down at her feet. Ellie smiled, seeing both of them breathe when they saw the pair. “Jesus, you guys are soaked.” Jesse smirked, taking the reins from Dina as she slicked her hair back. Ellie dismounted the horse once it was in the pen, taking Jesse’s hand as he helped her down. 

“Sorry we were out so long.” Ellie apologized to Joel, letting her hair down and approaching him. Joel smirked, seeing that Ellie and Dina were both covered in mud from head to toe. 

“What happened?” He asked, clearly amused. It showed in his face and Ellie punched his arm, glaring at him. Dina looked up from the pen, snickering. 

“We, uh… we slipped.” Dina answered, seeing that neither Joel or Jesse believed it. “Yeah, we slipped.” Dina nodded, trying to assert her story. 

“Okay, well, let’s get you home before you catch a cold.” Joel spoke to Ellie, taking her hand and beginning to lead her out of the ranch. Ellie waved a goodbye to Jesse and Dina, who returned one. Then, they both disappeared from the ranch, Joel trying to shield her from the rain, but there was no point. She was already soaked with both water and mud. 

Finally, they made it to the house and Joel shut the door, smiling at her. “What? Dina wanted to stay out.” She smirked, seeing the amusement on his face. 

“So, do you like her?” Joel asked casually, watching Ellie’s face brighten. She was still uncomfortable talking about girls with Joel. Part of her still believed that Joel would turn on her and make the nightmare she’d had so long ago true. 

“No, she… she likes Jesse.” She answered, but Joel moved towards her, still smiling at her. Ellie looked away, boring her eyes down into the floor and picking at her nails.   
“Well… that didn’t answer my question, kiddo.” He teased, looking her in the eyes. He picked her chin up with his finger and looked at her, love in his eyes. “I’m just teasin’, kiddo…” He smiled down at her, and she returned the favor. Ellie didn’t want to confront her subtle feelings for Dina. In the world they lived in, there was a chance that she’d lose Dina… and if she loved her, and she lost her… she wouldn’t be able to cope. So she tried not to love her, but she was slowly losing the fight. “Like I said, I don’t care if you like boys or girls… as long as you’re right here and you’re happy.” 

Ellie’s smile brightened with those words and she took Joel into a hug. He hugged her back, his arms wrapping around her before they finally let her go. “Alright, go take a bath, before you get that muck all over the house.” Joel smiled, his eyes twinkling with happiness that she’d recovered, or at the very least felt better about Chase. She was recovering… he promised her she would, and he knew that it would take a while. He told her that, but finally, it was like she was almost happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading! i kinda wanted to double down on dina's relationship with ellie, and her learning about winter. i was kind of having writer's block, so i'm sorry that this chapter took a little longer to come out. requests are currently open, so if you want me to write something specific for a chapter, feel free to ask, i love hearing what you guys want me to do. secondly, i want to actually thank everyone for reading this, because it's rare that something i'm so passionate about gets a lot of reads, and this has, so: thank you. finally, as always, kudos/comments are appreciated, and there should be an update in like, 1-2 days. i'm thinking of having something happen to joel next chapter, and also notice the oc i put in this :o i'm not sure if i want to have an oc for joel be a good person, or malicious yet, but we'll see. thanks so much for reading, and have an amazing day!


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel and Ellie go out on patrol; Ellie finds out a new fact about Jesse and Dina's relationship.

_ It was inevitable that this would happen. Ellie knew that… no matter how hard she tried to push away sleep, or her nightmares. But… this wasn’t the one she was expecting. It was quiet. Her wrists were tied behind her back and Ellie looked around, smelling the mankey old odor of… it smelled like  _ popcorn.  _ As if she was at a carnival, or…  _ a mall.  _ Her eyes shot open and she struggled against her binds, seeing she was fastened to a metal chair. “Hello?” Ellie called, her voice instantly quick and fearful. Ellie had fallen asleep on Joel’s lap, as he teased her lovingly about Dina. She fell asleep with a small smile and red cheeks, as she was still uncomfortable discussing girls with Joel… it was unprecedented in her life. “Hello? Joel?” Ellie called, looking around again and being unsettled by the silence.  _

_ “Did you love me?” A voice suddenly asked her and she jumped, seeing Riley’s silhouette in the shadows. “Ever?” Ellie’s eyebrows pointed up in hurt and she let out a shaky breath, trying to free herself.  _

_ “You were my life, Riley.” Ellie croaked, knowing it wasn’t really her. Still, she took solace in talking to the spirit of Riley, treating it like a therapy session. “I loved you more than anything.” A small tear dropped down Ellie’s cheek. The shadowy form moved towards Ellie and it bended in front of Ellie. Ellie hung her head in shame, not able to meet Riley’s eyes.  _

_ “So… why’d you replace me?” Riley asked her with a shiver, making Ellie meet her eyes. Ellie shut her eyes, squeezing her features together and feeling tears roll down her skin. “Do you want to forget me?” The ghost asked, tilting its head. Ellie let out a whimper, shaking her head and hanging her head once again.  _

_“I didn’t replace you-”_ _  
__“That’s not true!” Riley suddenly squealed, catching Ellie off guard. “That girl, you love her.” Riley hissed, her eyes full of anger and hurt. She knew that Riley wouldn’t normally say this, she’d never hurt Ellie like this. “And you love me. Don’t you?” Ellie weakley nodded her head, deep exhales and inhales running through her body. She wanted Joel, she wanted Dina, she wanted any sort of comfort. “So, you’re replacing me.” Riley squeaked, making Ellie screw her eyelids shut once again._

_ “No, I… I don’t want to forget you. I promise, I didn’t mean to do anything wrong.” Ellie begged, the ropes holding her suddenly burning her wrists with a new pain she’d only felt in the fire.  _

_ “You’re a  _ liar _!” Riley screamed, pushing Ellie back into her chair and making the back of her head hit a wall behind her. “You hate me, you  _ made  _ me die! You didn’t tell us to go back, it’s your fault I died!” Riley screeched, sending hate into Ellie with her eyes. Ellie’s lips curled up and she let out a cry, tears rolling down her face.  _ I didn’t want you to die.  _ Ellie thought, trying to free herself from Dina’s grip while the ropes still burned her skin. “You shot me, you put a bullet right here, Ellie! Right here!” Dina’s hand forcefully shoved Ellie’s head up and the ghost pointed towards the center of her head. _

_ Abruptly making Ellie’s terror and tragedy grow, blood poured from Riley’s head. If Ellie looked enough, she could see a bullet embedded in Riley’s head. It made her sick and she wanted to vomit just looking at the excess amount of blood that was draining Riley. “Right here, you pulled the trigger and you killed me.”  _

_ “No, I… I was protecting myself. I always protect myself.” Ellie quoted Joel, shaking her head and looking away from Riley. Before she could get Riley out of her sight, the darker girl struck her fist against Ellie’s cheek, making her instantly turn back. “Please, I didn’t want to hurt anyone.” Ellie whispered, a small drop of blood emerging from her split lip. “I didn’t want you to suffer.”  _

_ The imposter let out a cold laugh and Riley paced the room, spinning back towards Ellie and striking her again. “You  _ killed  _ me, you killed me and you replaced me!” Ellie shook her head and her irises suddenly grew and shrunk when she saw Riley was baring a blade, moving towards Ellie again. Ellie had a horrible flashback towards the nightmare where Joel had looked the same… the day before she’d come out to him and told him about Riley.  _

_ “No, please. Please, don’t do this.” But, as Ellie shut her eyes, she didn’t feel any pain. Her eyes twisted in confusion and she opened her eyes in horror to see Riley before her, her throat bloodied and her body still. “No, no. No, no, no, no, no.” Ellie chanted, feeling the burning around her wrists abruptly disappear. She fell onto the ground, landing before Riley’s bloodied body with a horrible feeling. “Hey, hey, Riley, c’mon.” Ellie shook her, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her blood roared in her ears and she shook Riley once again, begging to take her place.  _

_ “No, Riley, wake up. Kill me, don’t… kill me! I killed you, I understand now, okay? It was my fault you died, I’m sorry! I’m sorry for loving Dina, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell us to leave, just please wake up.” Ellie sobbed, shaking her again only to feel a dead pulse and cold skin. “I know it was my fault, let me die, just wake up, okay?”  _

_ Still, nothing happened and Ellie just let out a terrified scream, holding Riley in her arms and letting the other girl’s blood coat her in freezing liquid. And then, she finally woke.  _

“ _ No! _ ” She sobbed, jumping up and feeling someone grab her. Ellie tried to escape the grip but it was sturdy and warm. 

“Hey, hey, it’s me, okay? It’s me.” Ellie heard Joel’s voice meeting her ears and she let out a whimper of relief, shaking her head in Joel’s arms. It was quiet and dark, humid air met her bare arms and legs. A small layer of sweat was running from her skin, chasing the coldness on her arms and nerves. “It’s me.” He repeated, pulling her from his arms and making her look in his eyes, gently holding her jaw with his palms. Ellie shook her head, simply burying her head in Joel’s neck. Her eyes were shut as she tried to get the sight of Riley’s limp, bloody body in her arms expelled from her head. 

“I know, I’m right here, baby girl. It’s okay.” She knew what he thought what this was about, what he  _ thought  _ she saw. Joel took her shaking hands, pressing both of them into his hands and breathing his warm breath on them, comforting her slightly. “It’s alright. It’s okay.” He repeated, pulling her from his grip one last time and meeting her eyes. They were filled with tears and he cursed at himself for not waking up sooner and waking  _ her  _ up sooner, as well. 

“I, I was back there, in…” Ellie’s lips stuck together and her body took on a feeling of dead weight. Joel’s features scrunched together and he tightened his arms, surrounding her with his presence and trying to stall her sniffles and crying. “... it was my fault.” Ellie suddenly whispered, hypnotized by the fake Riley’s thoughts. Joel’s features scrunched in confusion and he realized that this wasn’t about Chase and what the brat had tried to do to her. “I should’ve gotten us to leave, I shouldn’t have killed her.” Joel remembered his confession about what she’d had to do to her friend. He squeezed her hands and let her speak it out, whispering praises to her and trying to comfort her. “I shot her. Right here.” Ellie pointed to her forehead, separating herself from Joel and curling herself into a ball. “Right in the head.” 

“You protected yourself.” Joel told her, trying to move towards her. She rejected his grip and looked up to him with a new expression, violently shaking her head.

“No, you… you don’t understand.” Ellie whispered, squeezing her eyes shut and vividly recalling the memory. The gun shaking in her hands… the smell of intestines and coppery blood after the deed had been done… Ellie being forced to leave Riley as more Infected came to finish the pair. “She didn’t turn.” Ellie murmured softly, hiding her head in her hands and letting out small cries. Joel petted her back, tickling her gently and attempting to comfort her. “I didn’t want her to turn… so I pulled the trigger. Right as she turned around. I didn’t want her to suffer…” Ellie croaked, sniffling and wiping her tears, dragging her arm across her face and clearing her skin. 

“And you stopped her pain.” Joel assured her, finally bringing her into his arms and fishing his hands in her hair, brushing it out and making her breath a little steadier. “There ain’t nothing wrong with that, baby girl.” He whispered to her, the subtle volume of the television still in the background of their scene. 

“Do you promise?” Ellie whispered, looking up at him and seriously glancing into his eyes. Their pupils met and he saw the ocean of pain in her. She felt him suddenly pull her in and squeeze her tightly, hugging her and trying to protect her from everything and everyone that could ever hurt her in the world.   
“I swear.” Joel promised her, squeezing her tightly and rejoicing when her crying finally paused. “Okay?” He asked her, sensing her nod in his chest. He heaved a deep sigh, rubbing her back and letting her just slowly calm in his grip. “I know…” He whispered, hearing her still quick inhales. “I know.” He pressed his head into her chest, stroking her back with his hand gently. 

Ellie finally paused her crying and her breathing had begun to calm. Joel let out a shaky sigh of relief, continuing to stroke her gently and keep her in his arms. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, looking down and shaking her head. “I… I was so mad at you for saving me.” She kept herself in his chest and squeezed the fabric of his shirt, constricting it in her small, young hands. “I hated myself because you saved me.” She whispered, making him squeeze his features in pain and hold her that much tighter. “But, if something happened to you…” Ellie’s voice shivered and Joel pet her hair, trying to comfort her. “If they hurt you… if they killed you… I’d want them to kill me anyway.” She confessed, looking up at Joel and finally breaking away from his grip. 

His features twisted in pain and he suddenly felt his own tears dripping down his skin. “I’m sorry.” Ellie whispered, expecting Joel to reject her and push her away like everyone else in her life. 

“Hey, no… we’re both alright, okay?” Joel whispered, lining her jaw with his fingers and gently lifting it upwards. “I saved you… and we’re here in Jackson, and we’re never, ever bein’ separated… alright?” Joel asked, looking into her shiny emerald eyes and wiping the tears that had sketched a new home onto her cheeks. “And I promise you, there ain’t gonna be a  _ day  _ in your life when I’m not right here, okay?” He asked her, brushing her messy hair behind her ears and trying to smile down at her. 

“Do you swear?”

“I  _ promise. _ ” Joel instantly answered her, letting her slowly calm down in his arms. “Okay, it’s okay.” He stroked her hair, whispering in her ear and calming her down. Finally it was silent and the only sounds were the mumbled dialogue of the long forgotten television that Joel had been watching. He liked to watch Ellie sleep. It was almost like watching her breath drag up and down certified to him that they were alive. “Do you want to try and go back to sleep?” Ellie shook her head and just remained still in Joel’s arms, stuck between the line of breaking down and staying silent forever, something she’d become used to. “Okay… we can stay up again.” He whispered, slowly pulling her into his arms as they faced the television. Still, Ellie’s thoughts lingered, travelling back to her dream.  _ Am I betraying Riley…? By loving Dina? I am, aren’t I?  _ Ellie sighed, simply squeezing her eyes shut and trying to feel nothing but Joel holding her. 

And so, the time began to flow by as the dark sky bloomed into its sunrise. Sun flowed through the drapes and Joel looked down to Ellie, seeing she’d fallen asleep once again. He hadn’t been watching the movie, he’d been watching her slumber once again. It was soothing to him, to feel her breathe under him and be  _ alive  _ with his touch. It certified the fact that she was alive. 

Finally, as it came near at least eight or nine, he shook her awake gently, hearing her stomach rumble. Ellie awoke with a start, thinking someone was touching her, but her face soothed when she saw it was only Joel. “‘T’s okay, just me, baby girl.” He held his hands up, looking to her to see her shut her eyes and take a deep breath. She’d seen Riley once again, but this wasn’t so much a nightmare… It was a remembrance of their time together, Ellie’s way to make herself feel guilty for liking Dina. “Reckon you need some food in you.” Joel stroked her hand before raising himself up, keeping the blanket on her small frame. 

“Yeah.” They were scheduled to go out on patrols that day, just her and him. Ellie was excited, it’d been too long since it was just them. She  _ liked  _ Tommy and cared for him, but Ellie just wanted it to be her and him again, maybe just for a moment. 

“Kiddo, we ain’t going out for a little bit.” Joel chuckled, seeing her excitement awaken as she began to. “You really like this, huh?” He smirked, seeing her look out the window towards the outside. It felt like she was trapped, caged. The people here were so civilized, and they all acted like Maria. Ellie liked Maria as well, but she acted like the world they lived in was forgiving, and like Ellie could be a kid again, even after knowing what had conspired in Winter. Worst of all, after learning about Winter, Maria began pitying her. Maria began treating her like a shard of sugar glass, which just made Ellie feel weaker. And everyone in the town behaved like that, after hearing what’d happened with Chase and the group of boys. 

“Everyone in here is weird. They’re all so nosy, and… some of the other kids didn’t even know what the Infected look like. They’re all so privileged.” She snided, looking down and stretching her limbs. She cracked her knuckles, and then the bones in her neck. Joel frowned at her once again, which only made her smile more. “They all treat it like nothing’s happened.”

“I know, kiddo. But we’re safe here. I dunno about you, but I’ll take some assholes if you get a bed and meals.” He responded fondly, looking back towards her as he made eggs in an iron frying pan. They sizzled on the heat of the oven and Ellie turned her nose up, sniffing the pleasant aroma. “You like it here, right?” Joel asked, fearing she was unhappy. Ellie sighed and looked towards him, nodding her head. 

“Of course I do… just wish casual murder was allowed here sometimes.” Joel let out a chuckle and moved towards her, setting a bowl of food down for her, then one for himself. Ellie sat up, taking the blanket around her with her as she moved towards the kitchen’s island, sitting on the edge. “You still need to teach me how to cook this stuff, Joel.”  
“One thing at a time, kiddo… speaking of which, ‘nother guitar lesson tonight?” He asked her, seeing a wicked grin run through her body. Ellie quickly nodding, trying to talk while swallowing down the food. Joel smiled, placing his hand on her shoulder. “Eat first, baby girl.” She swallowed and then began talking again, chatting about how she’d been trying to do covers and slowly was learning the skill of guitar. They talked for nearly twenty minutes, just going back and forth about Jackson. Joel asked her about Dina again, which Ellie shyly deflected, though he was only teasing. And as they finished their food, it was time to leave. “Alright, reckon we better be moving then, kiddo.” 

“Finally.” Ellie smiled, quickly slipping her canvas hiking boots on and cuffing her jeans into them. It had begun to get hot from the summer months, so she wore jeans and one of Joel’s shirts. It was much too big for her, and went down nearly to her knees, but having the smell of Joel around her comforted her, because it had on the road, so it did in Jackson.  _ As long as we’re still together, we’ll be okay, Ellie.  _ She said to herself, watching Joel sling his bag over his shoulders, doing the same for her.

“Got everything?” He asked, stroking a strand of hair behind his ear. She nodded and he opened the door, leading them towards the stables to get their horse for the day. As they approached, Ellie turned back to Joel, gesturing towards the ranch. 

“I’ll go get Shimmer, I need to talk to Dina anyway.” Joel nodded, seeing that she wanted to go in alone. Ellie pushed away the guilt of ‘replacing’ Riley, she pushed away everything. She needed to tell Dina how she felt, even if the other girl didn’t feel the same. Ellie needed to get the guilt and feelings off her chest, before they consumed her. Ellie gave Joel one last look before turning around, heading for the ranch, no longer able to see him. Curiously enough, there was no sound, just silence. So, she looked in one of the small holes in the wooden walls, and her heart fell into a pit embedded in her gut. 

As Ellie looked through the wood, she felt any courage or motivation to tell Dina fall through the ground underneath her. Her eyes took in the sight of Jesse and Dina, their lips connected and a small kiss being shared between them. She squeezed her eyes shut, looking away and heaving a deep sigh.  _ How could I think she liked me? I’m so stupid.  _ Ellie cursed for allowing herself to get her hopes up and she squeezed her nails into her palms as a sick punishment.  _ I’m such an idiot.  _ Ellie wanted to just go into her room and cry, and she’d never felt this before: heartbreak. Ellie’s eyes fell down to the floor and she sighed, cursing at herself for ever thinking someone could even care about her.  _ I’m such a fucking idiot.  _ Ellie rejected the feeling of her throat closing around her and she shook the tragedy from her body, pushing the crying that wanted to surface down and down and down until it could pile up and consume her later on… but that would be a problem future Ellie would have to fix. 

_ How could I think she’d love me? How could I think anyone could love me?  _ Ellie looked down, watching a single tear drip onto the dirt beneath her. She thought of her confession to Dina, about what had transpired in Winter, and wondered if any of that meant anything to her, or if she’d been imagining their bond, just as she’d done with Marlene. She’d fabricated that relationship so much that Marlene had tried to kill her, so was this any different? Was Joel’s parenthood any different? 

She stood there for a moment, but finally, her logic came to her. Ellie didn’t want Joel coming and seeing her like this so she regained herself and took a breath, gently knocking on the wood of the barn’s door. 

Ellie waited there, her face mostly dead and gone. Finally, someone came to the door and as it peeled open, she saw Jesse’s face. Ellie muttered a small ‘hello,’ quickly coming in and seeing Dina, laying in the attic of the barn with her legs swinging down. “I’m going on patrol with Joel, I need Shimmer.” She explained, unlatching the pen and saddling Shimmer, throwing the heavy leather over the mare and strapping it. 

“What’re you guys covering?” Dina asked, peeking her head down from the attic with her dark hair leaning down along with her. Ellie looked up at the girl, but looked back down to the horse’s fur. It hurt, looking at Dina, and Ellie didn’t know why. She’d never cared for someone like this, except Riley, but her worries extended to simply keeping both of them fed: there was no time for being a true teenager. 

“Tommy assigned us some new territory. Right outside the gas station.” Ellie answered and pulled the stirrups on the saddle down. Jesse helped her onto the horse, and she took his grip, thanking him under her breath. Her hands took the reins from Shimmer’s neck and she moved the horse and her out of the pen. 

“That’s not cleared yet.” Dina spoke and Ellie nodded, looking up at her. 

“Yeah, that’s why we’re going out to clear it.” Ellie smirked for a second, but the joy in her had momentarily been zipped away in an undisclosed location, not to be seen for a few hours. 

“Just, be careful, El?” Dina asked, still disliking Ellie going outside the walls. Ellie answered her with only a smile, and began to ride towards the exit of the ranch. Jesse opened the doors for her, looking up to her. 

“What she said.” He muttered and Ellie rolled her eyes, a small smirk on her lips. A chuckle escaped her lips and she took her pistol from her back pocket, cocking the gun and looking down towards her friends finally. 

“You guys are such saps.” She smiled before riding out, taking a breath of fresh air when she heard the doors close. Ellie dipped her head and let the fresh wound dull, hiding it and burying it deep. That was how she healed, it always seemed to go away if you buried it deep enough, and if it returned… you simply did it again. 

Ellie kept her eyelids shut and palmed the horse’s fur, her thoughts and sadness joining together in her head. Faintly, someone was calling her name, and it rippled through her almost as if the voice was screaming for her underwater. Ellie’s mind consumed her until suddenly, something grabbed her arm and she gasped, looking down like ice had grabbed her. “It’s just me.” Joel held his hands up, looking up at her with a concerned look. “You okay?” 

“Y-yeah… yeah, I’m fine.” They both knew she was lying, it was written all over her face. But Joel had found that, in time, she eventually came clean to him. He hoped history did indeed repeat itself. “Yeah, I’m great.” Ellie nodded, giving his arm and helping him up onto the horse. His wound still hurt him sometimes, but Ellie did a much better job stitching it up than possibly even  _ he  _ could do. 

They began to trot out of Jackson and Ellie turned around, looking back towards the ranch and sighing. She looked down again, shaking her head and shutting her eyes.  _ Did I scare her away by telling her about David? I thought she liked me. Was I imagining that entire time?  _ Ellie refused to think that. There had to be  _ some  _ part of Dina that liked her. Part of Ellie almost wished they were on the road again, she’d never had to worry about these regular teenage things when they were almost dying, or escaping every scenario by the skin of their teeth. “Ellie.” Joel tapped her, heaving a deep sigh and looking back at her, seeing her sight lingered on the ranch. “What happened?” He asked her plainly, stopping Shimmer for a moment and looking directly into her eyes. They twinkled under the morning’s sun and Ellie broke the gaze, looking back towards the building. 

“Nothing.” She whispered back, trying to tear her sight from it but failing horribly. Joel loosened his left hand from the reins and took Ellie’s palm, squeezing it and bringing her back. “I’m really-”

“Ellie. I can tell when you’re lying.” He stated clearly, giving her hand a small squeeze and pressing his pointer finger onto her jaw, making her look in his eyes again. “Did somethin’ happen with your friends?” Joel asked her softly, turning to face her as much as he could on the horse and seeing her shut her eyes. Ellie did a final sigh and her cheeks blushed, embarrassed by how sad she was. It wasn’t like her to get upset over ‘heartbreak,’ she always teased Riley for some boy she’d fallen for… 

“You were right… about Dina, and…” Ellie let the sentence hang, but Joel understood her meaning. She moved her face to rest on his shoulder and sighed, taking in the smell of fresh wood and stain from his flannel. He kissed the top of her head, waiting for her to speak again. “But, she… Jesse and… it’s useless. I knew I shouldn’t have let my guard down again.” Ellie cursed under her breath at herself, taking her head from Joel’s shoulders and burying her face into his back, heaving a sigh. 

“Oh, baby girl.” He whispered, slowly lifting her up and bringing her in front of him, seeing a small tear run down her skin, “I’m sorry.” He hugged her tightly and she didn’t cry, but she let her sadness hang in the air, lingering above them. 

“I’m fine.” Ellie whispered after a minute, taking herself from Joel’s grip and sighing, wiping her eyes. “Okay, yeah… I’m fine. This is going to be a good break.” Ellie assured herself, taking a deep breath and wiping her hair back, pushing the strands behind her ears and sniffling one last time. “Okay? We’re not talking about this, we’re going to go, and we’re taking a break.” 

“Alright.” Joel nodded and they both dropped from Shimmer. Joel took the reins from Ellie and led the horse through the woods while Ellie let her sadness fall away, leaving it for after patrol. It was summer, around the end of June. Ellie wore a tank top and shorts. The trees were painted vibrant colors and she smiled, looking up. Leaves fell around her as they walked towards the patrol site and she held her arms up, catching one and looking at its vibrant colors. 

“Hey, Joel. What’s your favorite season?” She looked back towards Shimmer and him. The sounds of horseshoes trotting against the fractured road resonated like a pattern. Joel sighed, thinking of his answer. Not Winter, for obvious reasons. Not Autumn… he could still remember Ellie’s sobs and pleads for him to get up, and for him not to leave her in Autumn. Spring still held a trauma for him, as well, and he knew it held trouble for her, too. The vaccine’s failure still daily affected her, and it was like by being happy, her guilt only increased. So, by default, that left Summer… he remembered Summer.

Sarah used to hate Summer. Ironically, Winter was her favorite. During the Winter months, Joel would take her to ride horses with Tommy. It was a passion of hers, one which had originally stemmed from some teen movie he’d dragged Joel to see.  _ What was the name? Stallion… Stallion something.  _ He felt guilty for not remembering, and he hated the idea of almost using Ellie to get over Sarah. 

“Summer, I s’pose.” He shrugged, looking up at the leaves and breathing in the fresh air. “Don’t get this fresh air anywhere else, kiddo.” Ellie let out a laugh and rolled her eyes, jumping down from a fallen log she’d been trekking across. “Careful.” He warned, and it made her feel warm. Ellie knew for a fact that Joel loved her now… he wouldn’t leave her… and it made her feel safe. 

“I think mine’s…” Ellie let her last vowel drag on and she thought. Winter and Spring were eliminated… there were too many bad memories attached. Summer was the season of her birthday, so that was eliminated as well. Riley died right before her birthday. It was the world’s sick -but predictable- gift for her. “I guess Fall. I like the way Fall smells.” 

“Dead leaves?” He smiled and she snorted, walking backwards and meeting his eyes.   
“Yeah. When I die…” Joel shuddered at the thought, pushing those thoughts away from his brain. _What if somethin’ happens to her? What if I have to live after she’s gone…? No, Jesus, no. I can’t even think of that._ Joel shook his head and tore the thought from his brain, burying it deep and refusing the thought. “I want to like… give back to nature, y’know? Like decompose into the dirt or something. If I die, don’t bury me.” She ordered with a smile, but once again, Joel’s lips dragged down at that thought. 

“Like, Riley used to tell me that they once could turn your ashes into a painting… I’d want mine just to be a giant dick.” Ellie laughed, seeing Joel snicker and shake his head with a grin. “That’d be fucking cool.” Ellie tried to explain but Joel’s laughing took over her. 

They continued talking and finally, they made it to the patrol spot. It was uncleared, so, as they approached, Joel stopped them and tied Shimmer to a post nearby, certifying the horse’s safety, or so he thought. “Alright, safety’s off. Stay close, look for anything, you know the deal.” Ellie nodded, loading her pistol and seeing seven bullets gleam back at her.  _ Not good, but it’s enough.  _ She thought, cocking the gun and taking a deep breath, holding her finger on the trigger. She was still more trigger happy than before she’d been in Winter, as her layer of jumpiness had been a permanent consequence of that season. 

“This place looks fucking creepy.” It was a large school, almost like the one the bloater attack had happened in so long ago. “Who the fuck even started school? That’s such a dumb idea. Who even thought that was near a good idea? That guy must’ve been such a douchebag.” 

“Yeah, Sarah didn’t like school much, either. She definitely didn’t have your mouth, though.” Joel teased and she let out a small chuckle. He mussed her hair, sending locks from her ponytail and Ellie glared back at him. She’d recovered from Chase, but part of her had definitely been seriously maimed in the attack. A small bit of her had been lost… and that killed Joel. “I was gon’ teach her guitar before… everything. You would’ve hated the music she listened to. It was all that teenage romance stuff. She loved it, though.” 

“Maria got me some new tapes for my walkman. Blink 123 or something…? I don’t remember.” Joel let out a snicker and smiled, remembering the concerts that Tommy and him used to attend for those bands. Joel was sure some of his hearing had been lost in those concerts. 

“Reckon that’ll be a change from what I play you.” Joel smiled and they slowly approached the school. Ellie pushed against the door, only to find it wouldn’t budge. 

“Well, fuck.” She groaned, looking around for somewhere he could boost her in. She trailed the entrance, running her hands on the wall and almost hoping for some sort of secret entrance. “Y’know, back in the zone, they had this Halloween store… in a mall near the school.”

“Did you ever dress up?”

“Yeah… one time.” Ellie smiled, thinking back to the day at the mall… and then the minutes in her memory went by and she remembered Riley’s death. “Riley and I snuck out again… it was right after I got this.” She pointed to her scar, fingering the marred skin slightly. 

“You never told me how you got that.” Joel spoke curiously, looking the dreaded scar on her skin. He had his guesses, but he’d never actually heard the true story. So, as they looked for an entrance, pacing around the school building, she opened her mouth. 

“Well, back in the zone, there was this asshole soldier. Riley and I had to steal leftovers to survive, so this one time, we’re going through the bins, and this douchebag comes up.” Joel hated hearing about her having to eat scraps like an animal just to live. But now, at least, they didn’t have to worry about that. They had a bed and warm food… and most importantly, a house with walls that kept Ellie safe from the outside. It was just Joel and her in those walls, and that was how she wanted it. “He calls Riley and me… words… and I go at him, and… well, he had a knife, so it didn’t really go well.” Joel’s teeth bared and he knew what words she was talking about, what slurs. The last time she’d been called that was Chase, and now those words were just a reminder of what she’d had to endure. “Got a few punches in, though… but we didn’t eat for the next couple days. Can’t really attack a soldier with no consequence.” 

“Sounds like an asshole.” Joel grunted and Ellie let out a small laugh, nodding. God, her scar hurt for a  _ while  _ after that incident. Riley had been the one to stop the bleeding, and sometimes, Ellie could still feel Riley’s touch there. 

“Hey, here’s something.” Ellie beckoned Joel over, seeing a broken window that led into what looked like a bathroom. Joel frowned, knowing there was no knowing what was inside since it hadn’t been cleared prior to their patrol. “Boost me up.” 

“I dunno, baby girl.” He scratched the back of his neck, trying to peek over the window but failing. Ellie pouted up at him, placing her hand on her hips. 

“Joel, I can handle myself.” She assured him and finally he sighed, still hating the idea of sending her in alone. “I promise.” Ellie swore to him, looking him in the eyes seriously and taking his hand, squeezing it. 

“You find me a way to get in. And if you see anything, you-”

“Come back, I know, I know.” Ellie rolled her eyes, awaiting for him to finally boost her up. At last, he kneeled down, placing his palm up and boosting her into the window, launching her up. Her arms pulled her body up with Joel’s subtle help and she fell through the window, landing hard on the other side in a large bathroom stall. “Graceful landing…” She groaned, shutting her eyes for a second before standing, looking around her. 

Ellie unlocked the bathroom stall, struggling slightly, as the lock had been jammed shut with traces of fungus. “Ellie?” Joel called and she looked back towards the window, seeing Joel’s hands trying to pull him up. 

“Yeah, I’m fine! Trying to find you a way up.” Ellie yelled back and she looked in the bathroom, her handgun in her hands. 

“Keep your voice down.” Joel whispered back from the other side of the wall, advice that Ellie obliged by. She traveled through the bathroom, frowning when she saw nothing. Ellie traveled back to the window, peeking over and able to see Joel looking up at her. “Anything?” Ellie shook her head, hearing a small  _ clang  _ behind her. She shook it off, looking back to Joel. 

“No, I’m going to see if I can unjam the door.” Ellie told him, hearing him whisper a ‘be careful’ before she turned back, exiting the bathroom and beginning to traipse through the school. “Alright, stay frosty, Ellie.” She whispered to herself, remembering where the door was from the exterior and moving through the halls. “We’ll clear it together.” She muttered, seeing the door lying ahead of her. Her pace quickened and she thrust her hands against the doorknob, seeing it was locked. “Alright, I can pick this.” Ellie whispered, kneeling in front of it. 

Riley had taught her how to lock pick, mostly to steal food from the school cafeteria, or valuables to trade for ration cards. “Okay…” She whispered, taking a nail file from her pocket and slowly exploring the lock.  _ Raise the keyway, loosen the pins, and then…  _ Ellie felt the pins click with the thin file and she raised it higher, hearing a series of clicks emerge from the masterlock.  _ Raise the pins.  _ “There we go…” Ellie smiled, retracting the nail file and opening the lock, tossing it aside and opening the door. 

Joel was patiently waiting, an anxious look on his face. He saw the tossed lock and crossed his arms, a smirk now worn on his lips. “Impressed?”  
“Where’d ya learn to do that?” He asked, shutting the door behind him and walking into the building. Ellie placed her nail file back in her bag, looking back at Joel as they began venturing through the school. It seemed to be a smaller school, much smaller than Ellie had attended. She never really told Joel what’d happened at the school. He knew she disliked discussing it, especially after telling him about Riley. 

“Riley taught me. We stole a lot of stuff, so it came in handy.” Ellie remembered their midnight expeditions where they scrounged for food, or anything they could find, really. Whatever could be traded for ration cards, they stole: toys, clothing, jewelry, even the simplest things such as shampoo or soap. 

“Did ya get in trouble?” Joel asked her, seeing she was shy when discussing what she’d been forced to do in school. They were trained to kill, and trained to become soldiers. Some of the other students who’d finished the schooling had been sent to be soldiers for F.E.D.R.A, which was the main goal of the school. More soldiers meant less offensive, pent up civilians. And a lessened amount of infection. 

So, they’d been taught to fight, pitting the students against each other in arena like scenarios. Rewards would be given, and the losers would most likely be sent to the infirmary for the week. “I wouldn’t be here if I got in trouble a lot.” She morbidly answered, looking back at him with a small shrug. “I dunno, they wanted us to become soldiers, for the military. Riley, of course, didn’t want to, so she went off to join the fireflies… and I was just… alone.” Ellie shrugged once again, and Joel took her hand squeezing it and looking into her eyes for a moment. 

“That ain’t ever gon’ happen again.” He swore to her, remembering his words from winter:  _ “‘I’m not going to let anyone touch you again, okay?’”  _ He meant those words, and he was never leaving her. He’d die before they weren’t together, and he had a sneaking hope that she was starting to believe it. “No one’s gonna separate us, okay?”

“Okay…” Ellie whispered, leaning into his body as they walked and taking a deep breath. “Sorry, this place just… memories.” She explained, looking around at the silent halls and letting out a deep breath, realizing it was cloudy. 

“Spores. Masks on.” Joel ordered, taking his and hers from his bag and handing her the former, frowning when she rejected it. “In case we run into someone, Ellie, please.” 

“We’re not going to run into anyone.” Ellie argued, but was persuaded by the anxious look on Joel’s face. She groaned and took it from him, slipping the glass and plastic over her face. “You should try worrying less, you might get a little less gray.” Ellie smiled, and he let out a small chuckle .They began moving through the halls again and Ellie bent down, picking up a book that’d been thrown to the floor.  _ Tales of Narnia, Riley always talked about this… she was such a nerd.  _ “God, can you imagine being in school when everything went to shit? Just having all of your friends die right in front of you like that?” A silence fell between them and Ellie heaved a deep sigh, a new dark thought taking over her brain. “Do you think the people are still in there? Watching you kill them?” 

Sam certainly thought so, and Ellie realized with a sickness that in his last hours of death, she must have made him feel so much worse.  _ “I know it seems like it, but that person is not in there anymore.”  _ She’d all but told him that he was going to die and there was nothing he could do. He’d be gone and it’d be over, just like that. 

“I dunno… maybe. But that just means it’s better to kill them: to put them at peace.” Joel explained to her and she sighed, nodding. Suddenly, there was a slam of a door at the end of the hall and Ellie gasped, jumping back. Her hand constricted against Joel’s and they looked into each other’s eyes through their masks. 

“What the fuck was that?” Ellie demanded, taking her hand from Joel’s and holding her pistol towards the door. “Joel?” She asked him, looking over to her father and seeing that he too was scoping his gun towards the door. 

“We should check it out.”

“Normally in these types of situations, you wouldn’t go towards the death door.” Ellie whisper-hissed and Joel chuckled a small decibel, taking her hand again and rubbing it slightly. They slowly moved closer to the door, Ellie’s steps laggard and fearful. 

“It’s fine, probably just some rat.” 

“What kind of fucking rats are you used to?” Ellie asked, looking at him and fingering the metal of her gun. Joel shook his head with a smile again and as they approached the door, Ellie took a sigh, preparing herself for something. 

“It’s okay, baby, probably nothin’.” He assured her before resting his hand on the doorknob. Though, before he could even try to open the door, it launched in the air, pushed back by a large kick. Joel was pushed back as the door fell off its hinges. He hit the ground with a grunt and Ellie immediately called his name, running towards where he’d landed. “Ellie, behind you!” He warned her, seeing the monstrous footsteps of a monumental bloater move closer and closer towards her. 

Ellie spun around, seeing the thing get closer to her. It looked almost larger than a bloater, and the fungal decal on it was dripping from its barely visible eyes like tears. Bits of lost flesh and bone protruded from its body and it began to clammer towards Ellie and Joel, prolapsed gasps and moans for air and flesh coming from its demented lips. “Joel, move!” Ellie ordered, taking his hand and helping her back up, getting him on his feet just as the monstrous beast grabbed for her. 

Ellie narrowly escaped its assault and Joel took her hand, reeling her back towards him and ensuring another second of safety. “Behind me!” He told her, protecting her with his body and beginning to shoot lead into the thing’s body, but it didn’t seem to stall. He saw Ellie scrambling to reach for her bag and tossed a molotov towards the beast, making fire spill onto its skin. 

Part of it hesitated and its mass slightly shrunk due to the burns, but it still clambered on, moving to Joel, and the smaller force of the obscene amount of bullets and fire emerging from behind him, in a small girl. The bloater suddenly smacked aside Joel in their close proximity, making him land against the wall and seized his movement temporarily. “Joel!” Ellie screamed as the bloater suddenly pushed her in front, violently grabbing her by her throat and holding her up in the air like a play-toy. “Help!” Ellie screeched, her voice muffled as the bloater began to seize her airways, taking away her consciousness slowly. 

Joel launched himself up, taking his bat from his bag as the bloater squeezed Ellie’s throat, making it feel as if it’d snap in two. “ _ Dad _ !” Ellie squealed and Joel hit the bloater once again, finally making it drop Ellie. He took his shotgun from his bag, blasting the bloater back and pushing lead into its skin. 

Ellie let out a sputter of coughs, laying on the ground and sitting up with her arm keeping her up. She backed away from the bloater as Joel sent it closer with his shots, still begging for her lungs to give her the right to breathe. Joel continued firing and still, the protective layer of the fungus had barely broken. “Ellie, watch out!” Joel yelled to her as once again, the bloater came closer to her, reaching out for her small body once again. 

Ellie tore herself up -which her body protested against- and aimed her gun, pulling the trigger and shooting the hand that the bloater had moved towards her in want for her flesh. “Fuck off!” Ellie yelled, firing again until the bloater’s arm had turn into bullet-ridden mush. Still, it somehow pressed forward, clinging to life. It now turned for Joel, its arms stretching for him. He let out a yell of fury, shooting the beast with his shotgun once more, aiming for its head. “What’s it going to take to kill this fucker?!” Ellie screamed, her rifle in her arms as she pulled the trigger and then pulled back the stock, throwing it over her shoulder and switching for her pistol again. “Joel!” Ellie screamed again, seeing that it had taken Joel by the foot, dragging her father closer and closer to its mouth, its teeth begging to infect him and take him away from her. “Let…” She beat her knife into the bloater’s flesh, screwing the knife in. “Him…  _ go _ !” She roared, cringing as it suddenly whipped around, its fist meeting her face, leaving a long cut on her cheek. 

“Ellie!” He screamed, sending one last bullet into the bloater’s cheek, just as it had begun to pick her up again. Finally, it collapsed to the floor, its blood soaking both Joel and Ellie’s clothing. Its body fell onto Ellie’s covering her. She groaned in disgust, trying to push it off of her but not having the strength to get the four hundred pound beast off of her. It crushed her and she cried out for Joel, expecting the thing to choke her, not realizing it was dead. “Ellie, Ellie.” He rushed to her, struggling to get the beast off of her. Finally, it landed aside her and she took a gasp of air, dark bruises on her throat from where the bloater had suffocated her. “Baby, are you okay?” He asked and she nodded, letting out a sputter of coughs and finally meeting his eyes. 

“Are you clean?” She instantly asked, fearing his answer. She almost screamed in happiness when he nodded, inspecting her with a shade of concern and pain when he saw her hands go for her throat in pain. “Are you hurt?” She asked and he once again shook his head, seeing the large bruise on her cheek and cringing, brushing the skin. 

“Are you okay?” She took a second before nodding, looking at the blood covering the both of them and felt the urge to vomit. “Thank God.” Joel whispered, taking her into his arms and hugging her tightly, his hands tickling her back and calming her slightly Her throat hurt and it itched like something was crawling up her spine, trailing its way around her flesh and not permitting her to breathe. “Okay, we’re alright now, baby girl.” He assured her, rubbing her back before finally separating from her, looking at the bruise on both her cheek, and the ones on her throat. “We’ll fix these up when we get back, alright?”

“Okay.” Ellie nodded, looking back towards the bloater’s body beside her. She stood, as the blood had begun to soak her leggings. “That was fucking intense… we did it, though.” Joel smiled and nodded, now able to take his gas-mask off, as the spores were long gone. Ellie’s had been destroyed beyond repair, and had slinked off of her during the battle. 

“Yeah, s’pose we did, kiddo.” He answered, moving back towards the door. “Let’s clear this and get the hell out, reckon we both could use some rest after that mess.” Ellie nodded, agreeing with his statement. They moved through the door and Ellie deviated, heading into a classroom. It looked like some sort of science lab and she walked around, peering into the microscopes and seeing nothing but dust and a long destroyed slide under the legs of the microscope. 

“Hey, Joel, did you go to school?” Ellie asked, recovering from the attack and opting to return to their light conversation. “Like, a real, regular school?” Joel nodded, leaning against the desks beside her and watching her look in each and every microscope, perplexed by the machines. 

“Yup… where I met Sarah’s mom.” Ellie’s eyes widened and she looked up, waiting to hear his ‘amazing, love story,’ or at least that was what she expected. “I gave her these big earrings… reckon she didn’t even know my name. Asked her to the movies. She was popular. Some popular girl with a country boy like me.” Ellie smiled and she let out a giggle, sitting atop one of the desks and watching Joel’s face carefully. A small bit of pain came when thinking of the memories, but Ellie’s smile eased it. The dark bruises on her cheek and throat hurt him physically and he swore at himself for letting the bloater even touch her. 

“I bet you were handsome.” Ellie teased and she received a fake glare from him, which only made her smile more. “So, did it go well?”  
“Went great… then, Sarah was born a few years later.” A large smile spread on his face when he thought of that day, holding her tiny little body in the hospital, with her mother right beside him. He’d brought his guitar into the hospital, and sung them both to sleep, both of their breaths comforting him. “That was the best day of my life…” Ellie smiled, finding his love for Sarah and herself so heartwarming, which was rare in the world they’d come to live in. “And then, everything went to shit… things didn’t work out, and… everythin’.”

He used that singular word to describe her death, and of course it did that horrible day no justice. “Don’t regret any of it, though.” He smiled fondly, looking down at her and brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Alright… that’s enough stories for today.” He smirked, seeing her intrigue in his story and brushing her cheek with his thumb. “C’mon, you got anything?” He asked her, seeing a smile spread across her lips suddenly. 

“This one time, Riley and I… took some spray paint to the girl’s bathroom. Covered the entire thing in drawings and jokes from my book. Didn’t eat for a few weeks because of it, but it was really fucking funny.” Ellie laughed, but once again, Joel cringed, hearing her struggles and what she’d had to endure in her childhood. “God, I miss being able to do whatever the fuck you want sometimes.”

Finally, they’d cleared the school, after an hour or so, and were able to head back. “God, I’m fucking tired.” Ellie groaned, excepting Joel’s hand and using his grip to mount Shimmer. She settled behind him, her arms on his shoulders to stay balanced. 

“Yeah, think we can both use some good sleep after that.” Ellie nodded, nestling her head onto his shoulder and shutting her eyes, quickly lulling herself closer to sleep. “It’s okay, kiddo… get some rest.” He kissed the top of her forehead, feeling her body finally slump over and go limp, putting her small weight onto him. He breathed, taking her hand for a second and rubbing it before releasing it, getting them into town and looking towards the gates. The woman soldier from earlier was on the wall once again and Joel quickly remembered her name: Faye. She had piercing gray eyes and luscious blonde hair. Joel realized she almost looked like Sarah’s mother. He waved to her, and she dipped her head in acknowledgment, waving back. 

“Joel, right?” She asked from the gate and he looked up, nodding. “You two on patrol?”

“We were.” He explained, quickly striking a conversation with the woman. She seemed pleasant, but part of her personality was off-putting. Whenever Joel mentioned ELlie, something hardened on the woman, almost as if he’d poured salt into a wound of hers. Though, he swept it off and eventually, Ellie’s gentle breathing took him over, and he wished to get her into bed, as the sky had begun to darken. 

“I best be gettin’ her to bed.” The woman nodded, her vision once again seeming to strangely cloud at the mention of Ellie, but once again, he shrugged it off, not taking it as any foreshadowing of something terrible to come. “See ya tomorrow?”

“Hope so.” She smiled for a second, watching the pair ride off towards the stables. As his vision retracted from her, a sour frown spread on her lips and she glared at the man and the small girl, picking at her nails. 

“Alright, stay right here, baby girl.” Joel whispered, taking her off of the horse. She sleepily nodded, leaning against the ranch’s wall for support. Meanwhile, he temporarily left her to lead the horse into the barn, finding two souls in it. He dipped his head in greetings towards Dina and Jesse, who nodded towards him. 

“Hey.” Dina greeted him, and he waved back. He left Ellie outside, not wanting her to have to face her heartbreak. It was a nice day for them, and he didn’t want her to have to think about anything negative, maybe just for a day, if the world allowed it. “Patrol go okay?”

“Yeah, Ellie’s tuckered out, so she wanted me to come in.” Joel lied, not wanting her friends to worry. Dina nodded, taking Shimmer’s reins from the man and leading her into the pen, locking it behind her and beginning to brush the horse, expelling the saddle from its chest. 

“Okay. Tell her we said ‘hey.’” Jesse spoke and Joel nodded, saluting an awkward goodbye to the friends before leaving the stables, seeing Ellie’s sleepy figure where he’d left her. 

“Alrighty, kiddo, let’s get you home.” Ellie nodded, exhaustion suddenly taking over her, as she was tired from the day’s events. He took her in his arms, his arms placed under her knees and right by her neck, where the subtle bruising layed. Soon enough, they were home, and Joel carefully laid her body out on the couch, covering her frame with a blanket and handing her the worn plushie she’d learned to love in there five or six months in Jackson. It was of a dog and Joel smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear before getting a rag from the kitchen, dousing it with warm water. 

He washed her bruises, cascading warm water on her injured cheek, and her throat. He kissed her forehead, rubbing the cheek where the bruise was and watching her look up at him for a second, her last seconds of wake in their prime. “Get some rest, baby girl.” He softly ordered her and she nodded, feeling him lay down beside her on the couch and take her into his arms, his hand gently playing with her now loose hair and untangling the knots gently, soothing her. 

“I love you, Joel.” She whispered and he smiled, kissing her forehead once more before watching her fall asleep in his arms, the blanket tucked up to their torsos. 

“I love you, too, baby girl.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading, everyone! this was kind of another fluff chapter, and i've been getting some requests on my fanfiction.net upload of this for some hurt/comfort, so i might have something more serious next chapter, possibly something with joel. anyway, requests are open right now, so if you want the next chapter to be something specific, feel completely free to ask! as always, comments and kudos are very appreciated! have a wonderful day, and happy slaughter of native americans day *this was uploaded on thanksgiving for all of you confused readers reading later*


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie discovers one of the downsides of her Immunity, her and Joel recover from the sour news.

She awoke slowly, her head pounding and her body in a thin layer of exhaustion. Joel was asleep beside her and she shut her eyes again, trying to return to sleep. Ellie felt sick: her throat felt like someone was clawing it from the inside and her hands were sweaty. A fever had broken out on her head and she winced in pain from the sickness, letting out a small moan of pain. Ellie’s voice was as dry as the sand of a scorching desert and she tried to get up, only for her body to reject it. Joel began to stir beside her but she couldn't hear him over the ringing of her own ears. Ellie pushed the pain down, sitting up and breathing heavily. 

Finally, Joel awoke on the couch beside her and looked up, seeing her worse for wear. Her breathing was prolonged, and there was a wheezing after each exhale. Her skin was sweaty and she squeezed her eyes shut, her head ringing. “Ellie?” Joel asked, sitting up and meeting her eyes, cupping her jaw with his left hand. It was sweaty and there were temporary bags under her eyes. “Hey, Ellie?” 

She looked to him, screwing her eyes closed again and then opening them, letting out a cough. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Joel asked, pulling his sleeve up to his hand and wiping her sweat, only for more stress to replace it. “Ellie, hey.” He shook her slightly and finally, her lips opened, with her eyes squeezing shut every now and then. 

“I don’t know, I… I don’t feel good.” She whispered hoarsely, weekly wiping her head and taking a deep breath. When she exhaled heavily, it felt like some separate entity in her was breathing, draining her own energy. “Fuck.” Ellie whispered, hiding her head in her hands and letting out an airy cough, concealing it in her sleeves. 

Joel swore under his breath and cupped her face with his hands, looking at her symptoms. “Shit, okay… stay here, alright? Let me heat you up somethin’, then we can see what’s wrong, baby girl.” Ellie nodded, shivering and noticing that she could nearly see her own breath in front of her. A freezing layer of icy sweat surrounded her, and Joel stood quickly rushing towards the kitchen to heat Ellie something warm, to tame the itching of her throat. 

“I’m f-freezing.” Ellie chattered, rubbing her arms and trying to pile the couch’s blankets on her, but Joel shook his head, moving back towards her and stripping the wool fabrics from her, giving her a pitiful look. “Joel-”

He pressed his hand against her forehead and swore under his breath, giving her a sad look and taking her jacket off of her, leaving her in a tank top. Her body shook in bitter cold and she reached for the blankets again but he sadly held them back. “I know, I know, baby girl, but we need to lower your fever, alright?” Ellie nodded shakily, rubbing her arms, still able to feel an icy layer surrounding her. He returned towards a kettle he’d set on the stove and she tried to stand as well, but quickly, her legs gave out and she fell to the floor, releasing a series of coughs. “Ellie!” He yelled, moving towards her quickly and taking her in his arms, pushing her top half into his arms while her bottom was laid out on his legs. 

“M-my throat is killing me. I’m so tired…” Ellie whispered in Joel’s amrs, still shivering. He cursed, a layer of terror surrounding him and confusion was etched into his features.  _ The hell is this? What does she have, how’d she get sick so quickly? She was fine yesterday.  _ “My head’s p-pounding.” She whispered, looking up at Joel weakly. 

“I know, baby girl, just stay awake. I’m gon’ get you to the hospital, alright?” He thought of the hospital they’d visited after the fire Dina and Ellie had been swarmed by, praying they’d be able to help her somehow. Normally, when Sarah got sick, he’d just give her a glass of juice and a hug, letting her stay home for the day. But in the world they lived in, the common cold could kill you. An infection could be ten times more deadly, and this absolutely terrified Joel. “Did you eat somethin’ bad?”

“No, I… I don’t think so.” Ellie whispered as Joel scooped her into his arms, his hands under her knees and on her neck. “Agh, my… fuck, my head’s fucking killing me.” Ellie swore and Joel frowned, kissing the top of her forehead. 

“Okay, just stay awake, baby girl.” He ordered her softly and she nodded. He slipped her shoes onto her feet and did the same for himself, soon escaping the house and quickly moving towards the ‘hospital’ building, terror lacing around his limbs while Ellie coughed in his arms, her sweaty body weighing them down. “Tell me what’s hurting, baby.”

“My throat… my throat fucking hurts.” Ellie responded quietly, letting out another cough. “It’s fucking freezing.” She murmured, shivering and making Joel frown more. Stress was etched into the wrinkles in his skin and he shook her slightly, seeing exhaustion dawn on her face. “I… I don’t know, I felt fine yesterday.” Ellie whispered, trying to theorize what was wrong with her. 

“Okay, don’t worry, baby girl. Them doctors’ll be able to help you, Ellie.” She nodded, her stretched out breaths making him feel physical pain. Confusion was surrounding him and he began making a mental checklist, crossing off whatever was irrational.  _ She was okay yesterday… what happened?  _

“Fuck, I haven’t felt like… like this since I was bitten.” Ellie whispered, not really meaning anything by it. But, when she saw the look of horror on his face, she instantly wished she could take those words back and shove them into her mouth. He chewed the inside of his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut and only quickening his pace.  _ No… what if her immunity stopped workin’? What if she’s dying…? No, no, no. No, that ain’t true. She’s gon’ be fine.  _ “I… I’m sure it’s nothing.” She muttered, but the sentence had done its damage. 

Ellie let out another series of coughs and Joel frowned, checking her fever again obsessively almost as if it had changed in the last few minutes, praying it had. “Okay, just stay right here, baby girl.” He whispered and she nodded, seeing they’d finally made it to the hospital. He tore the door open, keeping Ellie in his arms with a protection hanging over her, coming from him. His eyes focused on a woman behind a sort of receptionist desk and the woman saw Ellie’s barely conscious body in his arms. Her breath hitched, and Joel rushed towards her. “Please, my daughter’s sick.” He begged and the woman nodded, standing and disappearing into a door behind her. Joel looked down to her, pulling a sweaty strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s okay, baby.” He promised her, humming gently and trying to comfort her. 

She almost smiled at how he’d addressed her and a small bit of relief ran through her when she realized that Joel truly believed she was his daughter, something she’d thought herself. Suddenly, a new woman dressed in blue scrubs and a surgical mask stepped from outside the door the other girl had disappeared into, and Joel’s head snapped up towards her. “My daughter, something’s wrong.”

The doctor nodded and pressed her hand against Ellie’s head, frowning. “Alright, don’t worry. Most of these scenarios it’s just a stomach bug. I’ll take a look.” Joel hated the feeling of Ellie being taken from his arms and he watched her be traded into the woman’s arms. Ellie looked up, feeling Joel’s absence. 

“Wait… Joel…” She began to whisper but he gently hushed her, looking at her as the woman took her from him. 

“Sh, they’re gonna help you.” He whispered, taking in the sight of her before eventually the doctor began to take her down the hall towards the patients’ rooms. “It’s gonna be okay.” He whispered, but the doctor and his daughter had already disappeared into a door, hopefully to be seen again. Joel breathed heavily, not wanting to leave the building. He knew Ellie must’ve been scared, she looked so uncomfortable when he handed her over to the doctor. He cringed, banging his fist against the wall but regaining himself. He swore under his breath, knowing he should probably go to Tommy.

When they first got to Jackson, he allowed Tommy to tell one of the doctors Ellie’s condition, and he recognized the woman who’d taken her as that doctor. He couldn’t remember her name, it was something with a ‘d.’ Of course, he disliked anyone knowing Ellie’s condition, as that truth always came with a second of endangerment, but if it would keep her healthy, it was worth it. 

_ What’s wrong with her? Did I do somethin’? Did she eat something? She said… she said it felt like she was Infected. What if all of this was for nothing, what if she’s Infected?  _ Joel wanted to die thinking that and he shook the negative thoughts from him, begging his mind to stop.  _ No, she has to be alright. She has to be.  _ He decided he should fill in Tommy and regrettably, opted to leave the hospital to fill in his brother.  _ Maybe he knows somethin’...  _ Joel foolishly hoped, knowing there wasn’t really anything his brother could really do to help. 

As he was on his way to Tommy’s, he suddenly barged into someone and he fell to the floor, a small grunt escaping his mouth. “Shit, sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was going.” A female voice met his ears and he saw Faye, the guard who he’d grown a subtle friendship with. “Oh, it’s you.” She smiled, presenting her hand. He took it and she heaved the man up with great strength, giving him a smile. “Are you okay?” She asked, seeing Joel’s distraught expression. He shook his head, looking back towards the hospital.

“No, my daughter, she’s sick.” Joel croaked, and the woman nodded, a fake look of sympathy on her face. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m sure everything will be alright.” Joel found her voice almost soothing and he nodded, feeling a small bit of ease in his tense body. But then, he imagined Ellie in that hospital, having strangers ask her uncomfortable questions and doctors treat her like some test subject. “You’re from the Boston QZ, right?” 

Joel nodded, clearly somewhat distracted by the seemingly terrifying morning. Everything was normal yesterday, and now, yet again, one of their lives were at risk, while the other mourned. “That’s a far way, must’ve been tough.” Part of the tone she’d said that in was unsettling, but once again, Joel shrugged it off. 

“Yeah, suppose that’s the world now, though… where were you, before the outbreak?” Joel asked, regaining himself and dusting the dirt from his shirt off. He looked up, meeting the woman’s seemingly kind eyes. They began to strike a conversation, and she even got him to laugh once, despite the hectic dawn. 

“I was in Cali.” She answered, and Joel widened his eyes, knowing that was nearly across the country. As the minutes went by, they got friendlier and friendlier, and Joel almost felt his cheeks blush at one point. Still, part of him was still in the hospital, with Ellie’s limp body in his arms. But just a small part of him was in the conversation, his cheeks red and despite his protests, his heart beat quickening. 

‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’ ‘’

_ Where’s Joel…? My body feels like it’s on fire… where is he? Where am I?  _ It felt like she was moving in slow motion. Ellie looked around, seeing a woman looking back at her. She recognized it as one of the doctors, and remembered Joel telling her how Tommy had informed the woman about her condition. A small bit of mistrust lived in Ellie, but she didn’t really trust anyone, not after Winter.  _ Everything feels like it’s on fire… I’m so tired.  _ “Okay, sweetie. Can you tell me your symptoms?” 

Ellie was outfitted in a hospital dress and she looked down at her sweaty skin, then back up to the woman. She was so tired, and she just wanted to sleep. “Um, my… my throat hurts.” Ellie rasped out, picking at her nails anxiously. She wanted the presence of Joel and his tight hugs… she wanted him to tell her he loved her again, because it felt as if she was dying. “And it feels like I can’t… can’t breathe right. Like I’m drowning.” 

The doctor nodded, scribbling something down on her notepad and slowly getting up, moving towards Ellie on the examination table. “Alright… is it okay if I do some tests on you? It won’t hurt, they’re just to help me find out what’s wrong, sweetie.” Ellie shyly nodded, feeling self conscious as the woman rolled down the right side of her shirt, to get to Ellie’s arm. “Okay, this will tell me your blood pressure, alright?”

Ellie wasn’t really listening, her blood was pounding in her ears and it felt like she was going to combust. Another cough escaped Ellie’s lips and she looked down to see the woman wrapping some sort of band around her arm. The woman pressed a button, and the band began to tighten around her arm, almost hurting. Ellie’s breath hitched, but she heard the woman try to comfort her.  _ I want Joel.  _ Ellie thought sadly, wondering if her father was right down the hall, waiting at the hospital’s entrance, worrying. 

“Are… are you going to give me a s-shot?” Ellie asked, remembering when she’d been given shots back in Boston. They’d been forced to be vaccinated back in the school, and that was when Ellie discovered her fear of needles. Her body still felt freezing, but the doctor had only made her colder by stripping her down to her undergarments and fitting her in a hospital dress.

“No, I just need to see some of your bodily symptoms. Your uncle told me about your… situation.” Ellie realized she was talking about Tommy, and she smiled for a minute, thinking of the younger Miller as her uncle. She liked Tommy: he was just like Joel, just a big sap hidden under thick skin. And it seemed like he cared about her as well, which made her feel comfort, having someone that loved her other than Joel. “I think I know what’s wrong.” The doctor whispered, trying to comfort her. As the doctor performed her tests, Ellie just grew more and more tired, and her stomach growled. She hadn’t ever been apart from Joel when she wasn’t feeling good, and she missed his hugs and his terms of comfort. 

Finally, they were done. The doctor had left, telling the small girl she was going to search for her father. Ellie nodded, getting a small burst of relief at the mention of Joel. She felt terrible, and though psychologically she was actually feeling better than she’d really ever been before, her physical sickness was bringing her down. Finally, the door opened. Ellie’s head snapped up and she saw Joel’s face. “Joel.” She whispered and she felt him quickly wrap his hands around her, not wanting her to stand. 

“It’s me.” He assured her, sitting beside her on the examination table and letting her hide in his arms, her body still feeling horrible. “It’s okay, we can go back home soon, okay?” She nodded her head, hiding in his arms and letting out another cough. He cringed, rubbing her back and looking up to the door, seeing the doctor had returned. “Tell me you have an explanation for this.” He begged her, not caring how weak ro childish he sounded. 

The doctor shut the door, turning around and looking at the small family. She frowned, sitting at a desk that lived in the medium-sized room, knitting her hands together and sighing. “Yes… Ellie’s immunity… it’s putting a burden on her body. Her blood pressure is much higher than it should be.” 

“What does that mean?” Joel asked, looking from the doctor, then back down to Ellie with a terrified expression. She wasn’t exactly paying attention, just concealing herself in Joel’s arms and letting out small coughs every now and then. 

“To sum it up, her immune system is exhausted. Having to fight off Infection is making her body have to work much more than, say, you or me.” The doctor began speaking, looking down at her notes then back up to Ellie with pity in her eyes. Joel felt his blood roaring in his ears and his heart rate grew. His world focused on the doctor’s words, knowing it’d decide both his and Ellie’s futures. “To be frank, the reason she’s sick is because her immune system is tired. It’s not able to keep up with Cordyceps and regular sicknesses.” 

“And what does that mean?” Joel asked, his voice quieter and more hoarse this time. He took Ellie’s hand in his, squeezing it and kissing the top of her head, whispering comfort in her ear and tickling her back. He was trying to comfort her, but her exhausted body prevented it and she just hid her face in his chest. 

“Her body isn’t able to hold as much energy as, say, you or me. Her metabolic rate is, honestly, way higher than anything I’ve seen… maybe ever. That’s why you’re not growing, and that’s why you’re so tired right now. The virus is too hard on your immune system, and it’s taking away your energy. The problem with that is… you’re young, and your body can tolerate this, say, overtime it’s having to work. But as you get older… it’s going to get harder for your body to keep up. So…”

“I’m a goner?” Ellie finished her sentence, looking up towards the doctor and letting another cough out. Joel cringed, petting Ellie’s hair, and shaking his head. 

“Hey, no. You’re going to be fine… right?” He looked up to the doctor again, feeling as if he wasn’t able to breathe. The woman sighed and looked down, then back up to Ellie. Ellie buried her head in Joel’s chest again, coughing once again. Joel stroked her back, trying to comfort her. “Right?”

“You’re going to be okay, but you’re going to have to work a little harder to be able to do the same things. You’re going to run out of energy quicker, so, you need to make sure she eats at least twice a day. I can prescribe you some things to help you get over this sickness, but you need to be more careful. Getting sick is much riskier, since your immune system is weaker than, say, mine, or your dad’s.” Ellie looked in the woman’s eyes and coughed again, covering her lips with her hands. 

“Okay…” Ellie whispered, looking at the doctor before once again, burying herself in Joel’s shoulder. 

“You should be able to recover in a few days, but you need to take it a little easier from now on. After years of malnutrition, your body’s weaker, and can’t handle long hikes and as much activity without eating often.” Joel nodded, still not able to get that first sentence out of his head:  _ “As you get older, it’s going to be harder for your body to keep up.”  _ He cringed at those words and squeezed his eyes shut, wanting desperately for Ellie to be able to live longer. The doctor hypothesized she’d make it into her late thirties or forties, and that made Joel want to die, because he knew there was a fairly medium sized chance he’d still be around. He’d be a dinosaur, but he’d still be alive to see Ellie die before him. “I’m sorry to dump all of this bad news on you.” 

The doctor sighed, standing and handing Joel a small bag. He nodded, murmuring a ‘thank you,’ but his focus was on the depressed expression on his daughter’s face. “These will help keep you energized, and they’ll give your immune system a little more punch. I recommend coming for a little check up every few months, just to make sure nothing’s changed.”  _ To make sure I’m not dying.  _ Ellie thought, knowing it was what the doctor would say if she wasn’t a child.  _ No wonder I was so tired when we were on the road… I thought I was just broken. I guess I am.  _

“Thank you.” Joel dipped his head in gratitude and watched as the doctor sadly left the room, leaving Ellie and Joel alone. He sighed, looking down to Ellie and petting her hair, seeing she hadn’t surfaced from his chest. 

“Am I broken?” She asked Joel, and he cringed, squeezing his features together and shaking his head, tightening his grip around Ellie. He wished so much that he could take all of this from her shoulders and place it onto him. 

“No, baby girl. You’re perfect, alright?” He asked, but she just remained silent. He frowned, taking both of his hands and cupping her face, looking straight into her eyes. “Do you hear me…? You are the most amazing thing in the world.” She nodded, but hid her face back in his chest, coughing again. Joel felt mental cuts being skewered across his skin with her sadness and silence. He sighed, rubbing her back and looking down at her. 

“Can we go home…? I don’t feel good.” He nodded, making sure she saw him kiss the top of her head lovingly. She subtly smiled and took his hand, squeezing it. “I love you, Dad.” She whispered and he felt his heart break, tickling her back once again. He heard another series of coughs and he sighed, whispering comfort in her ear. 

“I love you, too, baby girl. Let’s get you home.” She took a shaky exhale, letting him scoop her up and hold her so that her head peeked right above his shoulder, and her legs were curled around his waist. He held her by her waist, and his left hand held her back gently. “Y’know, when Sarah got sick, we always stayed home together, just watched those cheesy teen movies she loved so much.” 

“Can we?” Ellie smiled softly up at him and he let out a chuckle, nodding. “I wanna see what all the fuss is about… anything but another horror movie.” Ellie spoke softly, almost as if a loud volume would hurt her ears, which it did, considering she still had a massive headache. 

“I think Sarah woulda loved you, kiddo.” He told her, feeling her nestle her head into the top of his shoulder. “I remember the first time we went horse-riding together… she was a natural. She loved it.”

“And you?” Ellie asked, her voice muffled in his shirt. A sheepish smirk spread across his lips and he let out a chuckle, shaking his head. “Well?” She smiled, taking her head away from his shoulder and looking into his eyes, amusement riddled in the emerald glints. 

“I got bucked off… sprained my ankle.” She let out a small giggle and cackled evilly. He faked a glare at her, but he couldn’t help the small smirk that spread across his lips. He was thankful to hear her laugh, especially after the horrible news that the doctor had given them. They’d just have to be more careful now: carry around food for Ellie to eat, and make sure she got more sleep. “Oh, sh…” He teased, looking back down at her. “So, how’d your first time go?” 

“Back in the zone, this soldier snuck me out. Winston. We smuggled a horse from the military, and… I fell, and…” She let her last word drag on and a snort escaped her mouth when she thought back to the memory. She laughed a small bit, but it was interrupted by her coughing. He smirked at her smile, but it disappeared when her coughs emerged. “And, I broke my collarbone.” She laughed, remembering the fall she’d taken, and how Winston had rushed to her, his older brother persona taking over. But of course, just like everything else, his time ended, and so did Riley’s, and Tess’, and Sam and Henry’s… 

“And you were makin’ fun of me?” Joel smirked, letting out an airy laugh. She playfully slapped his arm, glaring up at him. “I’m never gon’ let you live that down.”

“Yeah, I bet, old man. At least it kept me out of fights for a few weeks.” Ellie shrugged, remembering the gladiator style fights the school had made them do to prepare them for the military. Joel frowned, kissing the top of her forehead and swearing at the thought of her having to get into fights to get by. She still had a tiny bruise on her cheek from the bloater attack and Joel brushed it with his thumb, kissing her cheek in paternal love. “You’re such a sap.” She giggled, gently pushing him off and smiling up at him. 

Finally, they made it back to the house, and Joel opened the door, once again laying her down on the couch with extreme care. “Alright, let me get you this medicine.” Ellie sighed, thinking back to what the doctor had told them.

“Are you worried? About what she said… when I’m older?” She asked him, looking at him in the kitchen. His movement stalled, and that answered her question. She sighed, turning around on the couch and reaching for the remote. Ellie turned the television on, trying to distract herself with the cartoons. One of the mice that danced across the screen had a thick southern accent and she smiled, thinking it sounded like Joel. 

“No, I’m not. Do you know why?” Joel asked her, returning to her with a glass of milk and the medicine that the doctor had given her. He met her eyes and their gazes connected, remaining like that for almost thirty seconds. “Because you’re the strongest person I know. You’re so much stronger than me. So, no, I ain’t scared, because I know we’re gonna be just fine.” Ellie felt herself ease slightly at that answer and she suddenly hid in Joel’s arms, letting him wrap his arms around her as they sat. “Do you believe me?”

“Always.” She responded, and he smiled at that. “Okay… what is all this shit?” She asked, picking up the two pills and the glass of milk. Joel smiled softly, remembering the medicine that the doctor had told him about prior to bringing him in the same room as Ellie. 

“It’s…” He squinted, trying to remember the names of the pills. “This gives you some more energy, and this helps your metabolism: let’s you go a bit longer without restin’.” Ellie nodded, taking a gulp of the milk and then placing the pills into her mouth, swallowing them.

“Yuck.” She winced at the disgusting taste, scrunching her features together. He gave her a somber smile, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. It became silent and she looked to the TV again, the character’s southern accent being illuminated once again. She giggled, looking to Joel. “He sounds like you.”

She still felt terrible. Her exhaustion was slowly draining her down and her cough hadn’t retreated. Ellie let out another series of hacks out, hiding them in her elbow. Joel frowned, brushing her cheek with his thumb. “I know… doctors said cough’ll get better in a few days.” She nodded, recovering and taking a subtle inhale, her lungs asking her for air. 

“God, it’s still fucking freezing.” Ellie whispered, remembering the hospital gown she was dressed in. Joel frowned, but didn’t permit her any blankets. They needed to lower her fever, and though the sweat had slightly retreated, she was still on fire. 

“I know, but we gotta get that fever down. You’re burning hot.” Joel murmured, pressing his palm against her temple once again. Ellie leaned into his grip, shutting her eyes and letting herself calm for a moment. “I promise, you’ll feel better soon.”

“Okay… I believe you.” She answered, looking back to the television with still slightly labored breathing. Joel watched her, thinking over what the doctor had told them.  _ She might not live as long…  _ That was what the doctor had said. And that thought alone made him want to die. “Hey, Joel… I’m hungry.” Ellie whispered, looking to him with a sad expression. He nodded, getting up immediately and heading towards the kitchen. 

“Okay, kiddo. Listen, about all of this…” He started, looking in her eyes from the new distance. “We do this together, alright? We do this together.” Ellie nodded, not wanting to be alone. She felt almost broken because of what the doctor lady had told her, and she shut her eyes sadly, feeling like damaged goods. It was the same feeling she’d had after Winter, and it was beginning to resurface. 

“Okay, Joel.” The hours passed by, and Ellie slipped in and out of sleep. It’d begun to darken, and Ellie sat in Joel’s arms, sleep beginning to take over her. Coughs still burst through her body occasionally, and Joel had given her a little bit of the syrup the doctor had prescribed. “Can I still go on patrols?” They’d been conversing on how things would change, and she had a million questions. 

“Yeah, we’ll just have to take it easier, alright. You need to start bringing food to the ranch. I don’t want you passin’ out on me.” He said softly, brushing her hair for her while she laid in his arms. Ellie nodded, squeezing Joel’s hand that she’d taken hostage in her grip. 

“Okay… I, um… I have a surprise for you.” Ellie spoke nervously, slowly standing with Joel’s help. “I’ll be right back.” He watched her slowly hobble up the steps towards her room, carefully coming downstairs with the guitar Joel had crafted her nearly a week and a half ago. A wicked grin spread on his lips and she returned to the couch, holding the instrument in her hands. “I, um… this is my first singing, so… don’t laugh.” He nodded, smirking with a paternal love in his eyes. She sighed, looking down to the strings and awkwardly positioning her hands in the needed positions, looking down self consciously. “Okay… here goes.” 

“ _ That’s life: that’s what all the people say. You’re riding high in April, shot down in May.”  _ She started, moving her hands on the strings and singing as well as she could, clearly not believing she was doing a good job. But Joel’s smile warmed her a little bit and she loosened her grip on the guitar, relaxing a small bit. “ _ But, I know, I’m gonna change that tune… when I’m back on top, back on top in June.”  _

Joel remembered this song: Sarah’s mother had loved it, and he remembered her dancing around their house with Sarah in her arms, a grand smile on her perfect lips. Ellie had converted it into a slower song, and the meaning behind someone else’s words became her own, and she looked up to Joel, then back down to the strings. 

“ _ I said, that’s life. And as funny as it may seem… some people get their kicks, stomping on a dream. But I don’t let it let it get me down. ‘Cause this fine old world keeps spinning around. _ ” Her smile was visible in her singing, and he could hear the subtle happiness in her words. His grin was beaming as he watched his daughter shuffle her fingers on the guitar, still new to the instrument. Though, she treated the talent as an expert would, and he felt pride burning through his chest. 

Her voice was subtly hoarse, due to her illness, but Joel still believed it sounded perfect as could be. Everything about her was perfect. “ _ I’ve been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet… a pawn and a king. I’ve been up and down and over and out… and I know one thing. Each time I find myself flat on my face, I pick myself up and get up and get back in the race. That’s life.”  _ She sung, her voice polytone and slightly hushed because of her sickness. 

Joel patiently listened to the song, closing his eyes and just listening to her voice. And all of the terror and fear that’d been living in him that day eroded, because when he listened to her voice, he knew things were going to end up okay, and he had the same effect on her. 

“ _ I tell you, I can’t deny it. I thought of quitting, but my heart just ain’t gonna buy it. And if I didn’t think it was worth one single child, I’d jump right on a big bird, and then I’d fly.”  _ Ellie’s fingers were new with the strings, but playing in front of Joel almost gave her a confidence she didn’t previously have. So, as she continued playing, her arms loosened and the tone slowly improved more and more. 

“ _ I’ve been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet… a pawn and a king. I’ve been up and down and over and out… and I know one thing. Each time I find myself playin’ flat on my face, I just pick myself up and get back in the race. That’s life, that’s life and I can’t deny it. Many times, I’d thought of cutting out, but my heart wouldn’t buy it.”  _ Her voice grew slightly louder, but she detoured it down again, as she felt a series of coughs coming that she narrowly prevented. The end of the song approached, and she poured her energy into the wooden guitar. 

She still had yet to design it, but the decal had already been decided, and was sketched on the guitar in chalk. It was the beautiful curl of a bundle of vines that descended down into blossoms at the bottom. Fresh pain was on the guitar from where she had started painting the flowers, but the leaves were left in traces of the white chalk. 

“ _ But if there’s nothing shaking coming this here July, I’m gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die.”  _ Ellie trailed off the last word, almost smiling at the new morbid meaning it had after the day’s events. “ _ My, my. _ ” Ellie finished, her fingers finding a new home on the strings. A moment of silence passed over her and she looked up to Joel, seeing the immeasurable smile on his face. “Well… that was it.” She smiled sheepishly, surprised as Joel suddenly took her in his arms, squeezing her tightly. She let out a shy giggled, wrapping her arms around him as well. 

“That was amazing, kiddo.” He whispered, pride swelling in his heart. Ellie smiled, placing the guitar on the coffee table and swinging both of her arms around Joel, feeling truly happy again. He pulled away from her when she let out another series of coughs and he frowned, checking her fever. It had lowered significantly, and finally, he allowed her a blanket that he spread over both of them. 

“I try.” She whispered jokingly, and Joel let out a chuckle, taking her in his arms again and letting her slowly begin to drift to sleep in his grip. “I’m super tired.” She whispered, forgetting the performance when she felt Joel’s soft grip surround her, making her more tired. 

“I know, baby girl… try and get some sleep, alright?” Ellie nodded, yawning and sighing, quickly drifting off in Joel’s arms. Joel looked down to her, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.  _ You’re perfect… and we’ll figure this out together.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone for reading! this chapter was just finished, and I was excited to share it so I'm doing it now haha. I hope you all enjoyed! requests are open, so if you have a want for a chapter, feel free to ask me, i'm always here! as always, comments and kudos are heavily appreciated, so feel free to do that as well haha. I wasn't sure at first where I was going with this chapter, but I did some actual research into immune patients of different diseases, and this is actually a side effect the first of immunes experience with different diseases and viruses, so i wanted to incorporate it to make tlou feel a little more realistic. hope you enjoyed, more in a few days!


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Ellie's birthday, and Joel has a surprise.

It had certainly been a change, after the doctor’s visit, that is. Joel made  _ sure  _ Ellie always took food with ehr when going to the ranch. She returned after a few days, as her sickness had taken a few days to retreat. Her cough was still there, but she was able to go outside and move around. 

Joel’s paranoia still forbade her from going for patrol, only for another week. It was now Summer, around two weeks later… and it was Ellie’s birthday… Joel had been patrolling with Tommy when he found a certain…  _ piece of history _ that he knew Ellie would adore. So, they were on their way. “Joel, where are we going?” Ellie laughed, looking around at the vast trees surrounding them. 

“You’ll see.” He simply smirked back at her and she sighed, looking back at the guitar she’d laid on the log. Joel had been teaching her once again, but he’d interrupted her for some ‘birthday surprise.’ 

“Can I start guessing?” Before Joel could respond, she started airing out hypothesi that could be the answer. “Is it… a dog?” Joel chuckled and shook his head, not responding. 

“You really wanna spoil it?” Ellie stopped for a moment before shrugging, answering with a: ‘I dunno.’ He chuckled and once again looked back towards her, ducking his head. “You’ll see when we get there.” Ellie scoffed, looking around them. They’d left Jackson a few hours ago, and it was just walking from then on. They’d spotted a deer, and that was the first time Ellie was able to look at one without remembering Winter. 

“Is it a dinosaur? Ummmm… a time machine?” Joel chuckled and turned around, taking in the sight of her. She was smiling, and Joel had made sure -after Winter- to not take that for granted. Seeing her happy genuinely made him feel warm, and he took her hand, squeezing it. “More sneakers?”

“How many of those do you have?” Joel asked with an amused look on his face. Ellie snorted, turning her nose up and then looking back down towards the canvas sneakers fitting her feet.

“Not enough.” She piped, hearing a small laugh emerge from her father. “How about… a car? A bunch of kittens?” She kept asking and he just walked along with her smiling. 

“It’s a litter.”

“What?” She asked, confusion etching across her features. Joel held a toothy grin and looked back towards her, shrugging. 

“A bunch of kittens is called a litter.” She scrunched her features together and swore under her breath. Ellie mumbled a ‘why,’ and he let out another laugh. “I dunno, just was.” He shrugged, watching her separate their hands to slick her hair back. “Here, we’re almost there.” Joel pointed towards a highway sign that read  _ Route 54. Where the hell are we going?  _ Ellie giddily as they continued walking through the woods. It must’ve been around one or two in the afternoon, and the simmering heat lingered in the air. 

“You still haven’t told me where we’re going, old man.” She said in a sing-song voice, looking around them. Birds flew above their heads and they were in a densely packed forest. A river ran alongside the path and she almost wanted to jump in, due to the boiling heat. “Seriously, I’m half worried you’re leading me to my death here.” He laughed and just took her hand once again, leading them towards a narrow path. “Mind your step.” 

“I got it.” She smirked at him, pushing through the gap and careful to avoid the drop into the river below. But before she could get to the thicker path before them, she suddenly felt herself being pushed into the freezing water. A scream escaped her lips and she fell into the water, quickly sinking to the bottom. 

“Oops.” She heard Joel say as she resurfaced, a furious expression on her face. Ellie took a breath of air when she met the surface and looked up to Joel, glaring at him. But worst of all, she heard his laugh and he smiled down at her, chuckling. 

“What is wrong with you?!” Ellie yelled at him, weakly keeping herself afloat with a frown. Joel shook his head, laughs still floating from his chest. She squeezed her fists angrily and let out a growl, scrunching her features together. 

“You should see your face right now.” Joel cackled, smiling when he saw her furious expression. Ellie scowled, looking back at her face in the water and then moving her sight to Joel once again. She fought against the smile that wanted to move on her face successfully. 

“What if I drowned?” She demanded, still fearful of the water and drowning, especially after St. Mary’s. Her soaked tank top clung to her body and Ellie shivered in the freezing water. 

“You’re not gonna drown… you gotta work on that confidence, kiddo.” He walked beside her on the path she’d been on and Ellie squeezed her eyes shut when she heard his continuous laugh. 

“Yeah, keep laughing, old man, see what happens!” Ellie yelled up at him as he continued on the path, moving towards a ledge to pull her up. He just chuckled once again and shook his head, continuing towards the ledge as she began to swim. “You’re the worst.” Her complaining only seemed to make his amusement rise, which Ellie frowned at. 

“You’re swimming’s getting better.” He complimented her, but she only seemed to scowl more at his attempted teasing. “Remember, don’t just flail about, you gotta-”

“‘Push the water with your whole arm,’ yeah, yeah.” Ellie rolled her eyes, approaching Joel. He stood five feet up and lowered his arm, seeing a small smile hiding on her face, but she pushed it down, wanting to make it seem like she was upset. 

“Glad to see someone’s listenin’.” Joel smirked and she just rolled her eyes once again, letting out a deep sigh.   
“You’re lucky I didn’t drown, I would’ve murdered you, old man.” She scowled and he let out an airy laugh, lowering his hand. 

“Alright, come on.” He smiled and she took his hand, letting him slowly pull her up with both hands until she could do it herself. “There you go.” Ellie finally let out a small laugh and Joel grinned, patting her back. 

“You’re such a sap.” Ellie shook her head, mud covering her hands and knees. She had long jeans on, but her entire outfit was completely soaked and she was cold. Joel smiled, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and rubbing her slightly. 

Suddenly, a smile came on Joel’s face and he looked up, seeing a fawn in the distance. “Hey, Ellie, c’mere, take a look at this.” Joel whispered, pointing ahead towards the deer. For just a  _ second _ , Ellie’s mind took her back to Winter and she frowned for a second, but then she cleared her mind, pushing the trauma down. Her eyes caught the river beside her and a wicked grin came on her face. “Ya see it?” Ellie nodded, her eyes to the side to make sure Joel’s head wouldn’t split open on a rock if she pushed him. 

“Yeah… looks like…” Ellie suddenly threw her weight into Joel, pushing him into the river and watching him crash into the water. 

“Whoa!” He yelled, breaking impact with the water and disappearing underwater for a moment before resurfacing, smirking up at Ellie. 

“How’s that feel?” Ellie demanded, an evil grin on her face. She held her hands on her waist, smiling down at Joel as he floated through the water, his body now soaked as well. He chuckled, dipping his head underwater and slicking his hair back.

The heat in the air almost made Ellie want to jump in beside Joel. Ellie’s tire was beginning to grow, as they’d been hiking for around two hours, something Joel took notice of. He was incredibly careful with her after the doctor’s advice, and he always carried around some sort of food for her to eat if she was tired. 

It was sweet, she thought, how he was so concerned about her. Ellie had never had that  _ ever  _ before. She thought Marlene had cared about her, but that clearly was all in her head, as the woman had tried to murder her. She would have succeeded if it wasn’t for Joel. “Refreshing.” Joel responded, smirking when he saw Ellie scour back at him. 

“Yeah, it’s not nice getting pushed in, is it?” Ellie laughed, but frowned when he began swimming backwards, looking towards a barely visible structure behind them.  _ Where the hell are we going?  _

“Well, we need to swim through this part anyway.” Joel called up and Ellie frowned, placing her hands on her hips and playfully glaring at Joel. He chuckled, once again dipping his head underwater and wiping the slight traces of dirt from his face. It was blissful after the afternoon’s hot atmosphere. 

“I got you back, you’re angry and upset!” She whined at him, shooting him a playful glare. He barked a laugh and nodded his head, keeping himself afloat and letting his smile live on his lips. 

“I am very angry and upset. Now, c’mon.” He called, and she groaned, watching him begin to slink through the river, but he kept his sight on her, making sure she was following him. Ellie smiled, suddenly jumping into the water in a cannon ball and making a monumental splash. She smiled as she resurfaced, moving the strands of her hair back. “Alright, you gotta dive under, take a deep breath.” 

Joel watched her go first, making sure that she was able to get through before going under himself. Ellie enjoyed how underwater sounded: it was silence. It was just silence. And that was what Ellie liked most. 

Finally, they surfaced, and began hiking again. Her stomach was slightly empty, but her curiosity was getting the better of her. “Is it… my sixth grade history teacher wanting to apologize for being a massive dick?” Joel pulled a confused face and looked back at her, a question on his lips. 

“I beg your pardon?” He chuckled, continuing through the woods but making sure she was behind him every now and then. Ellie thought back to Riley and her in that history class. They sat in the back, to get the least amount of attention. It didn’t help that everyone else in the class was much luckier than them, and they didn’t need to worry about starving like Riley and Ellie. 

“My friend and I would argue whenever he’d call the Fireflies terrorists.” She synopsized, knowing that neither of them really liked discussing the fireflies anymore. Ellie took Joel’s words from Autumn to heart:  _ “Things happen… and we move on.”  _ Part of Ellie was more sad than upset at Joel’s actions… but a lot of her was mad at Marlene: did the woman ever care about Ellie? She fought  _ so  _ hard to get to the Fireflies and they killed her before she could even blink. “We got… a lot of detention.” Joel frowned, looking back at her in her emerald irises.

“You gotta stop lettin’ people rile you up, kiddo.” Ellie shrugged passing him by with a small smile. 

“Yeah, but that’s not as fun.” Ellie whined, giving Joel a small laugh. They came towards another edge of the pond, and Ellie slowly slinked herself in, slightly freezing. “Where are you taking me?” Ellie laughed as they approached another dive and yet again, Ellie smiled at the silence under the water. She stayed down for a moment, but when Joel surfaced, she followed. They broke into another lake-like area, and Joel slowly pulled himself out of the water onto the ledge, waiting for Ellie. “Is it… more jerky?” Joel chuckled, reaching his hand down once again.

“Alright, c’mere.” Joel ordered softly. Ellie clasped her hand around his and he slowly pulled her up, slightly worried by how easy it was. “You’re too light, you gotta eat more.” 

“I’d argue it comes in advantage, old man.” Ellie sassily placed her hands on her hips, but Joel simply mussed her hair with his hand, making her glare. “Fuck it, I’m done guessing.” Ellie shrugged and Joel smiled, bringing them further into the forest. 

“Oh, good.” Joel smiled, but his smile fell when she immediately began shooting out guesses once again. 

Her mind was crawling with curiosity and as they got further into the woods, she just grew more and more anxious with delight. “Is it… like, a massive comic book collection? No, more movies?” 

“I’m not gon tell you, baby.” Joel smiled back towards Ellie, shaking his head and taking her hand. Ellie squeezed it, feeling that they were approaching their destination.  _ What could it be? Where the fuck are we going?  _ She thought, looking up to Joel. “We’re getting closer now.” 

“Keeping me in suspense here, old man.” Joel shook his head and now took her hand, leading her towards a gap in the trees. And that was when she saw it. “Holy  _ shit _ , Joel. It is a dinosaur!” She laughed, looking back towards Joel. A giant grin was on her face as she took in the sight of a mossy beast before her. A building resided beside it and Ellie recognized it as some sort of museum.  _ “Joel! _ ” She laughed, looking back at him and then rushing up to the dinosaur, brushing the dust off of the sign that stood before the majestic beast. “Holy shit!”

“Surprise.” Joel grinned at her excitement and pure love ran through him. It was nice to see her so happy, and for a second she was like the Ellie that had been present a year ago, in Summer. 

Ellie laughed, looking back at him. He watched from the distance, seeing her read the sign and then look up to the monster. “It’s a mother _ fucking  _ dinosaur!” Ellie giggled, reading the small text that stood in front of the dinosaur.  _ ‘Tyrannosaurus is a genus of coelurosaurian theropod dinosaur. The species Tyrannosaurus rex, often called T. rex or colloquially T-Rex, is one of the most well-represented of the large theropods.’ Holy fucking shit.  _ Ellie grinned, forgetting anything else in the world and just staring up at the T.Rex’s gleaming eyes. “King of the tyrant lizards…” Ellie’s heart lept up and she walked towards the dinosaur, petting the plastic model as if it were real. 

“So, you like it?” 

“Are you fucking insane? This is awesome, Joel!” Ellie giggled, rushing towards Joel and suddenly taking him into a hug, squeezing him hard. He chuckled, rubbing her back as she took him in an embrace. “Thank you.” Ellie whispered and Joel smiled, gently forcing her to look up at him.

“Well, this ain’t it. C’mon, don’t you wanna explore?” Joel chuckled and she vigorously nodded, looking back towards the dinosaur.  _ Hell yeah.  _ She thought to herself, tearing herself from Joel and slowly climbing up the beast, petting its mossy scales. “What are you doin’?” 

“I’m climbing a fucking dinosaur!” Ellie cheered, raising her hands and relying on just her feet. Joel rushed towards the front of it, holding her hands up like she was going to fall. 

“E-Ellie, be careful!” He stuttered, looking up to her with a fear in his eyes and concern riddled in his body. “Ellie, climb down!”

“Stop worrying so much!” She chuckled, looking up from the twenty foot drop. There was a small pool of water below Ellie and she wondered if she could land into, or if she’d break her leg again. “Look, I’m on a mother fucking dinosaur, Joel!” Ellie laughed, perching on the dinosaur’s skull and raising her hands again, letting out a loud cheer. 

Joel still stood directly below her, his hands awkwardly outstretched while he worried about her falling. “Yeah, I see that, just don’t  _ die  _ fallin’ off of one!” Joel called up to her, his worry etched onto his face. Ellie laughed, pushing herself to the very edge of the dinosaur to the point where she nearly slipped. “Ellie! What are you doin’, don’t jump, just… just… climb back down!” Before Joel could argue anymore, Ellie suddenly leaped into the air. “ _ Hey, hey- _ ” 

She roared on the way down, pulling her knees into her arms and hitting the water with a monumental splash. Ellie took a second before surfacing, a smile on her face even underwater. Joel rushed to her, taking her out of the water and surveying her for broken limbs. “Did you see that?” Ellie slowly took herself from Joel’s grip and stood by herself, looking back towards the land beast. 

“Yeah, I saw that…” Joel breathed, wiping his hair back and sending her a playful glare. “Don’t do that again.” He ordered her and she snickered, pulling herself out of the water and moving towards the museum, her smile returning. 

“That was awesome.”  
“It was awesome you didn’t break anything.” Joel corrected her with a relieved breath, following her into the museum and shutting the broken doors behind them. Ellie moved towards a large sign that read: _Wyoming Museum; Exhibit Extinction._

Ellie picked up a brochure that was nestled in the sign and she flipped through it, reading the title.  _ Giants of the Past.  _ “What’s this?” Ellie murmured, water still dripping down her skin and from her soaked clothing. 

Joel looked to what she’d picked up and leaned on the sign, smiling at her. “It’s a book.” Ellie sent him a look, rolling her eyes but letting another smile break out from Joel’s personality. 

“It’s a dinosaur book.” Ellie scoffed and Joel just shook his head, smirking. Ellie began moving through the museum, looking around. “This place is so fucking cool.” Ellie whispered, taking in the sight of the sets of bones and signs that hung by the skeletons. “Oh, man!” Ellie laughed, taking a cowboy hat from one of the merchandise racks and looking at Joel. “Wanna try it on?”

“I do not.” Joel shook his head, following her through the museum and watching her run around with glory. Ellie turned around, a large smile on her face and she suddenly ran to Joel, placing the hat on his head with a massive, toothy grin. 

He moved to argue, but she put her finger in front of his lips with a face of pure glee. “Uh uh, don’t you dare take it off. It’s my birthday, so you have a moral obligation to do anything and everything I say.” She smiled, releasing him and letting him simmer down with a deep sigh. 

When she approached one of the skeletons, she pulled out the brochure, fingering the aged paper and reading through it. “Woah, look at those talons.” Ellie smiled, touching one of them and almost trying to break it off, but she retreated. 

“That… is a velociraptor.” Joel nodded, crossing his arms in complete sureness of his answer. He remembered movies he’d used to watch with Sarah, and how much she loved them. Sarah had even had Joel hang up posters in her room of the franchise, but he didn’t complain: compared to the other cheesy series she loved, it was a nice change. 

“Actually, it’s a dee… dee-oh-niny-chus.” Ellie corrected him, looking up and smiling more when she saw the hat lazily placed on his head. 

Joel shook his head, looking back up at the skeleton with a grin. “Nah… that there’s a velociraptor.” Joel nodded, but then corrected himself: “... or at least that’s what they called it in this movie I saw.” Joel shrugged, brushing the dirt of the dinosaur’s bones. 

“Hm…” Ellie continued through the building, checking each of the desks for anything else she could nerd over. There was nothing, but she smiled when she saw an empty chair and a phone before her. Ellie lept into it, picking up the phone and seeing Joel watch her from the doorway. “Hello, sorry, the dinosaurs are busy right now.” 

Joel smiled, crossing his arms and watching her suddenly take the sight of him in. “What are you doing?” An amused, continuous smirk lived on their faces and she leaned into the phone, continuing their conversation. 

“Oh, wait… one of the dinosaurs is here.” Joel chuckled, sending her a fake glare and rolling his eyes. “Joel, it’s for you.” She said in a singsong voice, and it reminded him of the hotel they’d found so long ago, all the way back in Summer. 

“Very funny.” He smiled, watching her leap up from the chair and run past him, excitement breeding in her. 

Ellie looked back to Joel, meeting his eyes and still smirking at the hat on his dark hair. “It’s pretty funny… did you get it, it’s because your old?” Ellie leaned into him, letting her place an arm around her shoulder and rub her back with a smile. 

They continued through the museum, and Ellie separated from him suddenly, seeing a model of tiny dinosaurs running through blades of grass. “Comp… compsognathus.” Ellie read from the paper in her hands, looking back to Joel with a happy expression. Once again, he messed her hair and she playfully threw him off, sticking her tongue out. “That’s a big name for little guys.” 

Joel nodded, pressing his hands on the bars of the model and looking back to Ellie, seeing her excitement with glee. “Yeah, they’d swarm you…” Joel spoke, remembering the movies Sarah and him had watched nearly monthly. Ellie let out a small giggle, moving beside Joel lovingly.

“Did you see that in a movie too?” Ellie asked and Joel nodded as they continued through the museum, moving into a bigger room. 

“Actually, yeah… but in another one. See there was a sequel… but it wasn’t as good.” Joel spoke softly, but Ellie wasn’t listening. 

Her face transpired into one of fascination as she looked at two large skeletons in the room. Part of it was consumed by moss but she didn’t care, she liked it better this way, where there was no one there except Joel and her.  _ Too many people.  _ Ellie took Joel’s hand and led her towards one of the skeletons, climbing up onto it and taking Joel’s hat, placing it on the dinosaur’s skull. “Tiny head.” She giggled, looking down to Joel as she sat beside the model. “Hey, Joel, look.” 

He put his hands on his hips, looking to the hat with a hidden smile. “That is a hat… on a dinosaur.” Ellie vigorously nodded, but soon took the hat and placed it back on Joel’s head. 

“It’s a hatosaur.” Ellie shrugged, patting Joel’s head before once again removing the hat and rushing over to the other skeleton, tossing it on one of the animal’s horns. 

“Is this gon be a thing…? Please don’t let it be a thing.” Joel whispered and she giggled, once again taking the hat and fixing it back on Joel, smiling and meeting his eyes.  _ She seems happy.  _ Joel thought with a grin, grateful that he was blessed with the ability to see her smile one more time. 

Ellie approached one and looked back down in her manual, then retracted her vision to Joel with a trusty curl of her lips. “Woah, this one’s head was the size of a walnut.” Ellie breathed, looking to the skeleton and climbing up, knocking her fist against the skull. 

Joel still stood behind her, slightly scared she would fall, but eventually, she climbed down. “Oh, no way, looks like you’ve got something in common.” Ellie barked a fake laugh, glaring at him and shaking her head. Ellie moved towards the triceratops and read the page in the brochure. “You would  _ not  _ wanna be on the business end of that horn.” Joel sighed, propping himself up and patting it, but dropping back down to Ellie. 

Ellie moved towards another one of the skeletons, reading the brochure page. “The dimetedron was an apex predator.” Ellie announced, her clothing still damp from swimming. Thankfully, the heated summer air was slowly drying her, but her hair hung from her ponytail in damp dreads. 

“What’s an apex predator?” Joel asked, leaning over her shoulder and reading the page, but she looked up back towards him, smiling.

“The most  _ badass  _ predator.” She told him and he chuckled, taking her hand. He looked into her eyes and surveyed her body, shrugging.

He smiled, looking at her. “Pretty short for that.” Ellie laughed, smacking his shoulder playfully and taking his hand again, squeezing it. They moved towards the center of the room. 

Two large dinosaurs’ skeletons were dragged through the room, landing just above Joel’s head. He looked up, staring into the empty sockets of the dinosaur. “The brachiosaurus ate six hundred pounds of plants each day. Imagine the poops…” Ellie giggled, placing her hands on the bars of the model and squeezing it, almost thinking this was a dream.

As much as she loved Jackson, she was happy to have a break from it. The nosy neighbors, and having to see Jesse and Dina now be a couple… but Joel helped her. Joel was like her ventilator, and he made it easier to live in general. If he wasn’t there… she wouldn’t be able to breathe. “They had this one scene, where, uh… actually one of the guys says: ‘that’s a big load of shit.’” 

Ellie laughed, looking back at Joel and slipping the brochure into the back of her pocket. She took Joel’s hand again, clasping her fingers around his and smiling. “What is this movie, and when can we see it?” Ellie asked, looking up at him and actually allowing him to ruffle her hair once again. 

“Tell ya what… when we get back to Jackson, movie night.” Ellie vigorously nodded, squeezing his hand and leading him through the museum once again. 

“Hey, look, this one looks like a bird.” Ellie exhaled, leading them into another part of the building and taking in the skeleton of a tall dinosaur, though it was much skinnier than the others. 

They’d been camping for nearly two days, and Joel had made sure they had enough rations for the trip. She liked how concerned he was about her at all times, it certified to her that she was loved, which was a rare occurrence in her life. “Well, actually, paleontologists believed that birds were descended from dinosaurs.”

“Well, excuse me, Mr. Professor.” She teased, adjusting the hat on his head. There was a grand staircase before them and Ellie released Joel, running up the steps and seeing him slowly follow, making sure to keep her in his sight at all times. 

“I happen to know a thing or two.” He crossed his arms as they reached the second floor, smirking at her. 

“From a movie.” She snarkily responded and he smiled, following her once again. There was a line of skulls and bones before them and Ellie gasped, pointing at one of them. “Look how thick this one’s skull is.” Ellie whispered, looking at one of the skulls. 

It had bumps protruding from it and Ellie knocked her fist against it, hearing a hollow sound respond to her action. “Kinda looks like Tommy.” Ellie snickered, looking back at Joel and crossing her arms.

“I’m telling him you said that.” Ellie had an amused tone of voice and she looked to Joel, knocking her fist against the exterior of each of the skulls. 

Joel shrugged, moving closer to the thick one and inspecting it, squinting and then retreating to Ellie. “Catch it in the right light, boom, Tommy.” Ellie cackled, switching her flashlight on and shaking her head. 

Ellie began inspecting each of the skulls once again, stopping at the end of the line. “Veloc… velociraptor. Hey, Joel, this is the one you were talking about.” Joel squinted and moved his head in confusion. 

“It’s so small… don’t trust the movies, I guess.” Joel shrugged, and they finished making their way up the stairs. It provided a lookout to the rest of the museum, and one of the bronchiasaurus’ heads was inches from the railing. Ellie reached out towards it, petting it almost like a giraffe. 

Joel watched her, a smile on his face. “Did you go to museums a lot?” Ellie asked, making her way back towards him and leaning against the railway. Her freckles wrinkled when she smiled and her nose scrunched up in a way that Joel found adorable. 

“Yeah… yeah, Sarah loved ‘em.” Whenever Joel mentioned Sarah, it was now calmer, instead of much more defensive like it had been at the very start of Autumn, when they first got into Jackson. Whenever Ellie thought of that first time in Jackson she cringed, remembering Joel’s harsh words:  _ “You are not my daughter… and I sure as hell ain’t your dad.” That’s not true, Ellie… he told you… he told you how he feels, you're his daughter.  _ “I swear that damned girl dragged me to every museum in Texas.” 

Whenever Joel thought of his time with Sarah, he felt more guilt than sadness. He felt guilty, as if he was using Ellie to replace her. Ellie made her way over to the railing, staring at the bronchiasaurus’ outstretched head. “Kind of looks like a giraffe…” Ellie whispered, moving her head towards Joel and smiling gently. She didn’t like thinking back to Salt Lake City… especially when she knew there could’ve been a cure if it weren’t for her. 

Joel nodded, moving his hand out to brush the head. He was just barely able to reach it, but the old bones felt familiar in his touch. “Yeah, it does… doesn’t it?” Joel took the hat from his head and slowly reached it out towards the bronchiasaurus' head, his hand preparing to toss it. Finally, the hat landed on the skull and Ellie giggled, looking towards her father. “I can see the appeal.” Joel teased, nudging Ellie’s shoulder gently. 

She looked back towards him, smiling. She leaned into him, looking out towards the museum. “Told ya.” She whispered, before finally dragging away from the railing. On the wall beside her there was a hidden mural of the earth, and it reminded her of the forgotten painting that decorated her room in Jackson. After Chase, she didn’t use the room, really, at all. She tried after a week, and that nightmare had been… one of the worst since they got to Jackson. When she eventually woke up, she was able to see Chase’s bloody figure standing in the room, stalking her. 

There was a gate to the next room, and she pushed through its rusty parts, permitting herself entrance. Joel followed close behind her, smiling when he heard a quick inhale of breath from Ellie. The painted walls were fluorescent, glowing like the stars. Ellie stopped for a moment, taking in the sight and shutting her eyes, imagining herself floating beyond the atmosphere. 

Finally, she continued her descent and let out an even bigger gasp, eyeing Joel behind her with a smirk. “Did you know this was here?” Ellie looked around the room in pure glee, rubbing her hand on the walls as she danced around, looking back towards Joel. 

“Oh, you don’t like it… we can head back.” Joel mocked and Ellie punched his arm, once again taking him in a tight hug. Joel chuckled, tickling her back and letting her squeeze him near to death. 

“Shut up, old man.” She whispered, her voice muffled by his shirt. He let out an airy laugh and finally, she separated herself from him, a tear rolling down her face. 

He frowned, bending in front of her and cupping her face. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked and she shook her head, hugging him again and crying slightly. 

Joel stroked her back, feeling guilty and thinking  _ he  _ was the cause for this. “Nothing’s wrong, Joel… before… before I met you, no one ever cared about me. This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” She murmured, her voice muffled in his shirt. He cringed, squeezing his features together and looking to Ellie, taking her out of his chest momentarily. 

Ellie’s cries were barely visible, but Joel took them with seriousness. “Hey… that’s never going to happen again… okay? I’m going to be right here… always.” He swore and she nodded, letting him take her back in his arms. Finally, her cries died, and she smiled for a second, looking at the star-like pattern around them. 

“This is so fucking cool.” Ellie whispered, wiping her eyes as Joel stood once again, their hands entwined. Joel squeezed her hand and slowly, they began exploring once again. There was a large crank ahead of Ellie and she temporarily separated from Joel, looking up at the large sun that was attached to the crank. 

Ellie began winding it, and the large orb began to glow, submitting a heated orange glow on the young girl’s freckled face. “Whoa…” She whispered, cranking it faster and looking at the walls. They’d begun to glow once again, and stars surrounded Ellie and Joel, reflecting on their guns and the handle of Ellie’s knife. “Hey, Joel… can you name all of the planets?”

Joel cleared his throat, walking around the machine and raising his arm up. “My very educated mother just served us nine pizzas.” Ellie perked her head up, tilting it and letting out a small giggle. 

“Uh… did you just have a stroke?” She asked, releasing the handle and letting the glow simmer down. Joel chuckled, shaking his head and lowering his arm. He walked around towards her, looking down towards the girl. 

Ellie looked up towards him, a smile hidden in her lips. “My: Mercury, Very: Venus. Mother: Mars…” He trailed off and she shaped her lips in an ‘o,’ nodding her head. 

“Oh, I get it. That’s pretty cool.” Ellie looked around them: there was a large rover in the center of the room and she nearly screamed. On the right of the room, there was a line of model rockets and Ellie trotted her way over, giggling. Joel watched her warmly, seeing her wipe a line of dust from one of the rockets and squinting at it. “Hey, Joel. Guess what the first animal to go to space was?”

She looked to him but he shook his head, looking at the rockets. “I don’t have to guess, it was a monkey.” He vaguely remembered an old movie that Sarah loved, when she was just above an infant. It was about a pack of monkeys, but he couldn’t remember the name of it. Sarah was so adorable when she was an infant… Joel knew he had a picture of it lying somewhere around their house. 

Maria had brought old photos and a camera that Tommy had scavenged from their old house in Texas. Ellie found it fascinating, the camera. She’d taken it to the ranch with her one day and returned with half a dozen photos of Jesse, Dina and her. And of course, on their patrol, she’d forced Joel to take a photo with her. So, pictures hung all around the house, mainly in Joel’s room and the main room downstairs. She had a photo of Joel and her in her room, even if she didn’t go in it often. His presence almost purified the room, and maybe, just maybe, if he stood there long enough, she’d be able to use it again. “No, it was fruitflies! Yeah, in 1947. It was to… see radiation exposure at high altitudes. They lived through it.” 

Joel smiled, brushing her hair back and looking down at her. “Daggum, girl, you are smart.” She began to walk away and he sighed, looking towards her… “So… did they become superflys?” Joel asked, and Ellie giggled, looking back towards him with a confused face.

“What? No.” She giggled, inspecting another rocket that laid beside the other one. Some of them were knocked over, but she was too short to reach over and inspect them. 

“Tell me another fact.” He asked gently and she sighed, checking her mental library. Riley shared her love for the planets, so remembering it made Ellie feel a little less guilty about her feelings for Dina. She tried to push those feelings down, especially after seeing Jesse and Dina. But, they were still her friends, and she loved them. 

Ellie scrunched her features together, releasing them when she thought of one. “Um… astronauts say that the moon smells like gunpowder.” She smiled and Joel returned the favor. 

“Now, that’s a fun fact… but wait how would they smell-”

“Oh, well, they’d take samples back inside and… smell them later, I guess.” Ellie shrugged, and Joel nodded, moving towards the other side of the room. Ellie trotted towards the rover in the center of the room, a humongous grin on her face. Before she entered it, she moved towards Joel, giving a last look towards the rockets. “Hey, Joel… quiz me.”

He chuckled, scratching the back of his neck and looking towards the floor, trying to think of a question. “I dunno… um… who was the first person in space?” Joel asked and Ellie giggled, turning around on the railing and squeezing her hands around it. 

“Easy. Yuri Gagaran.” Ellie shrugged. She had no idea if she was pronouncing it correctly, which Joel commented on:

“Gagarin, is that…” Joel trailed off and Ellie shrugged, squeezing her palms and thinking, but she came to no true conclusion. 

“I dunno how you say it, I’ve only ever read it, so…” Ellie trailed off, remembering the expedition she’d read about with Riley. Riley used to sneak out and smuggled books from the thin library at schools, gifting them to Ellie. “Anyway… He flew to space on April 12th, 1961.” 

Ellie placed her hands on her hips, tilting her nose up with a grin. “Color me impressed, baby girl.” He smirked, seeing the smile on her face when she looked at the museum from the railing. She made sure not to put too much weight on it, as the glass didn’t look exactly stable. “Just how many books have you read on this?”

She sighed, looking back at him with her hair still slightly dripping. “C’mon, Joel, isn’t it amazing?” She said in a hushed voice, placing her arms down on the railing and looking out towards the first floor from below. Ellie wished that one of the skeletons from before just disappeared. She thought that’d be so cool. 

“Why don’t you tell me what you like about it, baby.” He asked gently, leaning beside her and looking out towards the museum with her. 

Ellie shrugged, trying to wrap all of her love for the bigger picture and the stars in a sentence. “I dunno… Riley and I used to sneak out… go to museums for this, kinda like this. There was this big one, right outside school. In this mall. So one night… we snuck out. We thought we were so damn cool… like no one could mess with us.” Ellie smiled softly, until she remembered the rest of the night, and what had happened at dawn. “So… we go through the mall. And Riley turns on this music.” She met Joel’s eyes and took his hand, leaning on the glass and looking down towards her feet for a moment. “And I tell her it's not a good idea. But she doesn’t listen… and we start dancing, and… we both end up bitten. And then I shoot her.” Ellie croaked, looking down at the ground of the first floor and then back up to Joel. 

Joel frowned, rubbing her back and letting her hide in his arms. She began crying, but it was at a lower volume. “Oh, kiddo… I’m sorry. I thought this would cheer you up, I-”  
“No, Joel, no… this is… this is amazing.” Ellie croaked, temporarily removing herself from Joel and gesturing towards the floors of the museum, smiling slightly with a singular tear rolling down her cheek. Joel wiped it away with his thumb and kissed the top of her head. “I love you, Dad.”  
Joel warmed and he watched as she slowly separated herself from Joel, her little moment of her shields coming down over. “I love you, too, Ellie.” He murmured softly, brushing her hair gently with his fingers and untangling the subtle knots from all of her swimming. Ellie turned around, pressing her back onto the railing and looking up at him. She wiped her eyes, smiling up at him. 

“Holy shit.” Ellie whispered, seeing the rover in the center of the room and temporarily forgetting the trauma with Riley. Joel smiled, relieved that he wasn’t making her feel worse about Riley’s death, and that she was feeling a little better because of the camping trip. Ellie climbed up onto the rover and settled into the driver’s seat, wrapping her hand around the joystick in the center. “Fuck yeah.” She whispered, pushing the stick around. 

“Where’s the steering wheel?” Joel asked, placing his hands on his hips and looking up to her. Ellie shrugged, juggling the joystick and pushing a few buttons on the consoles. 

“Well, rovers don’t use steering wheels. They use joysticks.” Ellie murmured, remembering Angel Knives and the dumb video games Riley was so addicted to. 

Ellie remembered the console Jesse had gifted her, and she hadn’t touched it much, as it had brought memories of the fresh injury of Chase, but Joel seemed to love it. They had a small competition between them that whoever won one of the games was able to pick their movie for the night. “Hang on… is this the real one?” Joel asked, looking to Ellie. 

She chuckled, watching Joel climb onto the rover with her, wrapping his hands around the stick above hers. Joel looked in Ellie’s eyes as she played with the buttons. She looked down at the console, blowing the dust off and wiping it down. “Considering they left the real ones on the moon, I’d say no.”  
Ellie considered asking Joel to help her bring it back to Jackson. Maybe if they got an engine in it, she could have her own little rover. But she knew it was impossible. Finally, Ellie sighed and both of them dropped from the rover.

A large shuttle laid before them. Vines and moss had taken it over and Ellie looked around, seeing a line of helmets and suits beside the small ship. To the left was another small room with a diagram of the moon in it. Ellie trotted over, wrapping her hands around the miniature moon and spinning it, looking to Joel. “Do you know how many times we’ve been to the moon?”

Joel shrugged, pouting his lips and moving towards Ellie. “Six times.” Ellie announced, watching the small globe skin. The light gleamed on the plastic wall and she sighed, watching it spin around for a second. 

“Are you sure?” Ellie nodded her head, seeing that on the diagram there was a small box. Her eyes widened when she saw above the box was a label:  _ touch a real life piece of the moon!  _ Ellie took her knife, prying open the box and taking the small rock in her hands. Ellie fingered the material and smelled it, smiling wickedly.  _ Gun powder.  _ She slipped the rock into her pocket, being impatient to put it back in her room at Jackson. 

“Yup, six times… I’m going to make it seven.” Ellie swore, squeezing her nails into her fists and making a moral obligation to accomplish that dream before she died. Ellie, in a morbid fashion, almost wanted to make sure that she and Joel disappeared at the same time. Ellie couldn’t live without him, and she knew that he felt the same way. And she didn’t plan on going on without him. 

Finally, Ellie approached the shuttle, wrapping her hands around the opening and struggling to get it open. Joel appeared behind her, helping her open it quickly and pushing the small trap door up. As Ellie went to enter, Joel pushed her back. “Hey, now, hold on just a minute. You’re goin’ into space, you’re gonna need a helmet.” 

A wicked smile spread across her face and Ellie rushed towards the line of helmets behind her, choosing a light colored one and slinking it over her head.  _ So cool.  _ Ellie thought to herself, disappearing behind the golden glass of the helmet. “How’s it smell in there?” Joel asked, a dorky grin on his face.

“Like space… and dust.” She whispered, making her way back towards the shuttle and slowly climbing in. Joel followed close behind her, sliding in and shutting the door behind them. “Whoa.” Ellie giggled, looking at the monolithic control board, and all of the buttons and switches. She began to make sounds with her mouth of explosions and crashes while her hands flew across the switch board. 

“Would you look at all those buttons…” Joel breathed, flipping one before looking to Ellie, who was playing with them, a giant smile living on her face. 

Ellie smiled, looking back towards him but then retreating to the switches and joysticks once again. “So badass… God, could you just imagine… brrrrrvvvvooooah!” She imitated an explosion, not noticing Joel pull some sort of box from his shirt pocket. He held it in front of Ellie and a confused grin spread on her face. She took it from him, seeing it was for her Walkman. 

“Happy birthday, kiddo.” He grinned, squeezing her hand before letting her inspect the box. In Joel’s handwriting,  _ Ellie  _ was scrawled on the top and she smiled, looking back towards him. 

“What is this?” She asked, smiling at him and slipping her player from her bag, keeping her helmet on her head. 

Joel smiled, remembering the patrol with Tommy leading up to her birthday. He had a backup plan, but he wanted her birthday to be  _ special.  _ Joel loved her, and he wanted it to be a special day for her. “This is something that took a  _ mighty  _ effort to find. Take it.” 

Ellie slipped it into her player, removing her helmet momentarily to put the headphones on her ears before placing the helmet on again. Joel watched with a hopeful expression, but before she could play it, he gently brushed her hand. “Close your eyes… it’ll be worth it.” He swore softly and she obliged, letting darkness crawl over her. She swore she could see a hint of a tear glistening in his eyes… 

Her thumb pressed against the play button, and she waited impatiently. ‘ _ Thirty seconds and counting.’  _ The fuzzy sound met her ears and her breath hitched. A wicked giggle escaped her lips and she looked over to Joel, her laugh seeming to make him breath.  _ ‘Astronauts report it feels good, T-minus twenty five seconds.’  _

A hungry and pleasing shock lived in her and she smiled, closing her eyes and imagining the cold glow of space reflecting on her skin. ‘ _ Twenty seconds and counting.’  _ Ellie’s smile grew and she could feel Joel’s eyes on her. When she closed her eyes, she could feel the moon’s familiar glimmer face her, greeting her ‘hello’ like this was a privilege she’d finally been granted.  _ ‘T-minus fifteen seconds, guidance is internal.’  _

Excitement grew in her and she laughed. Her warm breath reflected on the helmet’s glass, signifying her happiness to Joel, who was watching her with a warmed expression. They were  _ safe, they both had made it out.  _ His daughter was safe right beside him, and she was happy… and that thought made him the happiest man in the world. 

_ ‘12, 11, 10, 9… ignition sequence starts…’  _ The static of the audio was taken over by a low grumbling, and she smiled, squeezing her fists together in happiness. It was almost like she was really there, and she could feel the heat on her face. Ellie could feel the smoke drifting through her hair and the flames reflecting in her shut eyes. ‘ _ 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0… All engines running.’  _

The roar of the engine ran through her ears, but it wasn’t through the fuzzy audio this time. Ellie was transported to so many decades ago and she was being taken to the moon, with her father right beside her. ‘ _ Liftoff… we have a liftoff.’  _

She imagined her body shaking with the rumble of the rockets and the warm air around her transported to a cold taste, one that matched the environment outside the shuttle. ‘ _ Thirty two minutes past the hour, liftoff on Apollo 11.’  _ A small giggle ran from her lips, heating the glass of her helmet. 

Joel’s hand took hers and she squeezed it, imagining looking over and having Joel in a space suit, right next to her while they were shot into the sky. No one could bother them anymore, not the Infected, no  _ hunters,  _ and no trauma. It’d just be them and the silence that she’d experienced underwater… and she was fine with that. 

And it came: the quiet. The gleam of the stars reflected on her pasty white skin, making her grow goosebumps where they spoke on her body. A hitched breath ran from her and she smiled, but slowly… it retreaded. The tape ended and she was left with silence. 

Eventually, Ellie turned over, meeting Joel’s eyes with a twinkle. All of her gratitude was translated in that loving star of theirs, and he smiled at her gently, squeezing her hand. “I do okay?” He whispered, and Ellie laughed softly, slipping the earbuds from her helmet. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Both of them chuckled slightly and he smiled, dipping his head and feeling her squeeze his hand tenderly. 

“You’re welcome, kiddo.” He softly murmured and she held the player close to her, wishing she could listen to it for the first time again. 

Ellie knew that she’d be listening to that like a lullaby for years. She wondered what lengths he’d gone to to fetch that and her thanks only grew.  _ I love you, Dad.  _ She whispered to him, hearing him respond with the same sentence. “Alright… you wanna keep looking around?” He asked tenderly, releasing her hand and pushing the exit, making the door release and let fresh air in. 

Ellie nodded, still taken by the tape. Finally, she whispered: “Yeah… I guess.” The helmet dropped when she pushed it gently, letting it sit in the seat almost like part of her was still living in it. 

Joel slipped out of the shuttle, taking her by under her arms and lifting her out. He nudged her gently, holding something in his hands. “Hey… welcome to Earth.” Joel murmured softly, handing her a badge. She let out an airy giggle, looking up to Joel in shock. 

“Fuck yeah.” Ellie whispered gently, looking at the badge. It was of a rocket and a model of the Earth hid behind it. When she turned it around and looked at the back, in Joel’s handwriting, a small message wass scrawled.  _ Happy birthday, baby girl.  _ She held it close to her before slinging her bag over her shoulder, attaching the pin to the exterior with a jaunting smile. “Hey, over here.” Ellie beckoned him over to a door, part of her smile still living on her lips. 

She struggled against the door, pushing it but to no avail. Joel smiled, doing it himself and the door soon opened, revealing fresh air and another building on the side of a large river. “There’s more museum stuff over there!” Ellie pointed, looking back to Joel. 

“Yeah, I never checked that part out.” 

“Well, let’s go!” Ellie smiled, looking at the sheer drop. It must have been at least twenty or thirty feet, but she didn’t plan on letting the day go without more adventure. 

Joel placed his hands on his hips, his skin wrinkling when he grinned. “And just how do you plan on getting yourself over there?” Joel asked, but his question was answered when Ellie suddenly lept off of the ledge, performing a cannon ball. A shrill scream escaped her lips and Joel rushed over, thinking she’d fallen. “Ellie, God…” He yelled down at her, glaring at her when she surfaced. “You’re gon’ give me a  _ goddamn  _ heart attack.” Joel exhaled, running his hands through his hair. 

“Get down here!” Ellie ordered and Joel’s brows furrowed. He violently shook his head, looking at the dramatic drop. 

“No!” He argued, frowning when a giant grin broke on Ellie’s face. 

“Hey, whose birthday is it?” Ellie asked, a giant smile on her lips. Her freckles curled together when her lips moved upwards and Joel, despite his fake anger, couldn’t help but find it adorable.

She pushed her arms together, making the sounds of a chicken and giggling when his ‘angry’ expression only grew. “You can’t keep doing that…” He groaned, knowing what the only answer was. Abruptly ending her argument, he leaped through the air, yelling: “ _ Geronimo! _ ” 

Ellie giggled, seeing him surface as the current slowly pushed her downstream. “Nice…” Ellie complimented him, seeing his grin when he surfaced. They began swimming towards the foregin building. Joel docked, approaching the door and forcing against it, cursing when it didn’t budge. “Hey, boost me in there.” Ellie pointed to an open window and Joel scratched the back of his neck nervously. 

“Yeah… I don’t know.” Ellie rolled her eyes, taking his hand and gently dragging him towards the window, looking in his eyes. 

“I’ll open the door for you. C’mon, we can’t chicken out now!” Ellie laughed, pulling a sad face and he cursed, looking down and then back at her. 

He growled, moving towards the window slowly. “That ain’t fair and you know it.” Ellie cackled, seeing him bend down and hold his hand up. Before she could jump up, he paused, looking up at her. “You be careful.” Joel ordered and she nodded, seeing the seriousness behind his words. 

“I promise.” Ellie nodded, jumping up onto Joel’s hand as he pushed her through the window, sending her over. She gracefully landed with the six foot drop. “Shit.” Ellie cursed, seeing a pile of rubble that had fallen against the door.  _ No way I’m clearing this out.  _ Ellie thought somberly. She tried fighting against it, but it didn’t pan out. “Okay, bad news, there’s shit blocking the door!” 

She heard Joel’s voice from the other side, cursing. He tried the door once more, but it obviously didn’t work. “Well, see if you can find me another way in. I’ll walk around from the outside.” Joel ordered carefully, stress palpable in his voice. He hated being separated, as the habitat of Jackson had made it normal for Ellie to be right beside him, so having that taken away felt unnatural. 

“Okay, be safe!” Ellie called back and she could practically hear his eye roll. 

“You be safe!” Joel yelled back, and Ellie chuckled looking back towards the window almost as if she were talking to Joel himself. 

“There are dinosaurs around!” Ellie sang, hearing a chuckle before receding footsteps.  _ Alright… this totally isn’t creepy.  _ Ellie thought as she moved through the dark building. A statue appeared in front of her. Vicious wolves were circling around a deer and Ellie clenched her teeth, looking at the large mammal. “Oof… stay strong, buddy.” There were demonstrations of different animals around: she recognized a bison, and a big horn. 

Ellie chuckled, looking at the big horn’s ‘suite’ and waving to it, remembering the time at the University. But then, she frowned, recalling her cries for Joel to waken, and feeling his blood cake her body in a disgusting horror. But then, she turned around, seeing spray paint scrawled on the wall.  _ ‘I killed for them.’  _ A layer of uneasiness suddenly rose in Ellie and she shifted her weight from foot to foot, clawing her hand with her nail anxiously. “This guy needed a hug.” She murmured, trying to push it aside. 

“It’s dark in here.” Ellie whispered, suddenly spooked by the glowing of eyes, but when she focused her light on it, she realized it was just a model of an owl.  _ Let’s just get back to Joel, Ellie.  _ Then, she saw another one of the scrawled messages. The black spray paint dripped down from the letters, almost making it seem like it’d been freshly painted, even though Ellie knew it wasn’t. ‘ _ The four soldiers at the gate… the last one cried.’  _

Ellie stayed silent, but a thin layer of fear crawled down her spine. _Time to get the fuck out of here._ She craved Joel and she passed the message, trying to push it down and think nothing of it.   
A sudden rumble almost made her release a scream and she took her gun out, cursing under her breath. _Shit. Maybe it’s just Joel._ She optimistically thought, but she then saw yet another sentence drawn onto the cyan wall. ‘ _The woman we tortured, she choked on her own blood.’_ Ellie stopped, crouching in front of the message and touching one of the letters, almost feeling as if her skin was burning. 

Her flashlight suddenly stuttered, and she shook it slightly, banging her fist against it. When the light returned, another message appeared in front of her, almost as if it had teleported just then.  _ ‘The kid who ran into the blast… I couldn’t stop him.’  _ She gulped and jumped when suddenly, another shuffle came from the darkness. 

Part of her almost wanted to call out for Joel, but she knew that could be a potentially fatal idea. “Come out, fucker.” She whispered vindictively, moving through the building, desperate to find an exit.  _ ‘The people in the van… we locked them in and doused it with gas.’  _ A shuddered exhale escaped Ellie’s mouth and she looked down, screwing her eyes shut and moving through the doorway besides the excerpt, ignoring it once again. That was when she saw it: a rolled over skeleton that matched the one of the dinosaurs outside.  _ Jesus.  _ Ellie thought, taking a sheet of paper that laid in the corpse’s hand.

_ “We wanted to end suffering. We wanted to restore humanity. Each time we sacrifice ourselves, our leaders keep saying, ‘it’ll be worth it. Now we’ve disbanded, with nothing to show for our sins.”  _ Ellie wondered if they were hunters and she kept reading, her grip on the paper tightening fatally. 

“ _ I thought coming here might reunite something… Some purpose. My parents loved bringing me here. It’s one of my earliest memories from before the Outbreak. Before all the cruelty and savagery.’  _ Ellie cringed, turning over the bloody sheet and seeing more messy writing on the back. There was a bloody handprint on the letter and she cringed, realizing the man had written it on his deathbed. 

When she looked at the splatter of blood coating the wall behind the man’s head, she sickly realized he’d shot himself. Ellie wondered if he was Infected or not. Faint footsteps in the distance shocked Ellie and she looked up, terror brewing in her.  _ No one’s here, Ellie… you’re fine, just get back to Joel.  _ Ellie slowly continued reading the letter, her goosebumps growing. 

_ ‘Those memories just made me angrier. I don’t want to be in this world anymore. I can’t look at the person I’ve become.’  _ Ellie swallowed, folding the letter and hiding it in her bag, wondering who the man had been with…  _ Firefly, maybe? Was this our fault?  _

She crawled through a gap next to the body, gasping when she saw the glow of pupils staring back at her. “Stupid fake animals.” Ellie growled, moving past them only for something to suddenly tackle her to the ground. A shrill scream escaped her lips and she looked as a hog ran away from the scene, snorts and growling escaping it. “Fucking thing.” Ellie croaked, groaning in pain and slowly going to recover her bag, which had fallen off her shoulders. 

She looked up, seeing the final message she’d take in that day. ‘ _ Liars.’  _ A large firefly logo was scrawled before her and she frowned, looking down and gulping. Ellie almost screamed again when the door beside her suddenly broke open, but she breathed when she saw it was only Joel. 

“Ellie, you alright? I heard screaming.” She nodded, placing her hands on her knees and exhaling. Finally, Ellie looked back up towards Joel, feeling a small sense of calm move through her when she saw him. 

“Yeah, just… some fucking animal.” She saw him look towards the spray paint, but she began walking towards the exit, not wanting to discuss it. “C’mon… we should get back, it’s getting dark.” It must have been around three or four, and Ellie’s tire was growing. “I’m tired.” Joel’s ears perked at that and he nodded, following close behind her. 

And so, their hike to their campsite began and Joel looked at Ellie, holding her hand. “Alright, let’s get some food in you when we get back, then.”

“I won’t argue against that.” Ellie smiled, letting Joel lead her through the woods. Their campsite wasn’t far away and Ellie felt relieved because of that, as she hadn’t exercised this much in a while, due to Joel’s paranoia after she’d gotten sick. 

“Hey, Joel… got something for you.” Ellie smiled, slinging her bag over her shoulders and pulling out her jokebook. She smiled when Joel cursed under his breath, faking a glare. “Here’s a good one… ‘I thought about going on an all-almond diet, but that’s just nuts.’” Ellie giggled, watching as Joel took the book from her, looking through it himself. 

He flipped to one page, smiling at one joke and looking to Ellie. She noticed his shirt was wet, and realized he must’ve had to swim to get to her. “‘Why did the coffee file a police report? It was mugged.’” Ellie cackled and looked at Joel. 

She placed her hands on her hips, looking at him. “I still don’t know why you love that… bean water so much. It doesn’t taste that good.” She shrugged and Joel held his hand to his heart, almost as if she’d shot him. 

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” He shook his head, seeing their campsite ahead of them. “Here we are… alright, let’s get you some food, baby girl.” Ellie nodded, seeing their tent and dead fire ahead of them. 

They’d been camping for two days, and the entire time Ellie had been kept in suspense. They had a scare with a bear, but instead of running, Ellie simply smiled at it and looked in awe, but Joel took her in his arms since she wouldn’t move and sprinted away from the beast in fear. Ellie didn’t let him live it down. “I’m still telling Tommy you called him thick-headed.” Ellie snickered as Joel took food from his bag, presenting her with a box. “And what’s this?” She jokingly said, taking the box from Joel and opening it. 

“There you go.” Joel whispered as she took in the sight of a sliver of cake kept in the box, with her name spelt in frosting. “Now… you gotta smear your name. For good luck.” 

Ellie laughed, looking up at Joel. “You lived in a weird fucking time, Dad.” She whispered lovingly, smearing her name with her pinky and licking the frosting from her finger. Slowly, she devoured the cake and in less than a second, it was gone. 

Joel watched her with a smirk and took the box from her while she cleaned her cheeks with her sleeve. “Did you even taste that?” He mocked, wiping the frosting from her lips and noticing the suddenly dim skin. Dusk was beginning to paint the sky and Ellie yawned, now full from the cake and exhausted from all of the action. 

“Be prepared for me to just dump space facts on you from now on.” Ellie smiled, looking towards Joel as he started a fire, laying paper in the heart before piling sticks on. He pulled his lighter from his pocket, striking a spark and soon making a fire. “Hey, Joel… did you know… the astronauts of Apollo 11, their footsteps’ll be there for like… a million years?” Ellie sat down on their sleeping bag, looking up towards the stars and letting it reflect in her eyes. 

Joel finished with the fire and slowly sat down beside her, laying a blanket over both of them in the chilly summer night. “Could you imagine that? Like, a grave… for the entire universe to see.” 

“Yeah… reckon that’d be pretty cool.” 

“We’re gonna get up there, y’know. You and me… think we can, what fix up that shuttle? Just take a vacation to the moon?” Ellie smiled, looking at Joel and chuckling. He took her in a hug, gently stroking her back as they both slowly lulled themselves to sleep. 

His hands gently brushed her hair out of its ponytail and he sorted the knots out, feeling her slow breaths in his arms. “Yeah. I’m sure Tommy has a spare spaceship lyin’ around somewhere.” Ellie giggled from in his arms and she lied so that she was still in his arms, but she could stare at the constellations once again. “Can you name them?” Joel asked, looking down at Ellie and then down to the stars. 

She sighed, shutting her eyes and soon remembering. “Um… that horse one is… Leo.” Ellie recalled, looking to Joel then back up to the stars. “That snake one is named Hydra, that one’s the little dipper. It’s tail is the North Star, and the North Star points to the big dipper… I dunno, Riley was more into the constellations… I was the planets nerd.” 

Joel chuckled, brushing her hair and noticing she was slowly falling asleep. “Try and get some rest, baby girl.” He whispered, kissing the top of her head and feeling her soon loosen in his arms. “I love you.” 

“Love you, too, Dad.” Ellie whispered, soon after falling asleep. Joel smiled, tickling her back and falling into a slumber, his last sight being Ellie’s slumbering body in his arms before the darkness took over him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally cranked out this entire chapter in like three hours, and I have so much homework to do but I was so excited to get this to you guys, so here you go. I think next chapter I'll have something happen when they're coming back from the camping trip, or something like that. i'm planning on having something happen with the guard -wow, shocker- in the last like five chapters. i think this season will be like 25 chapters, and we're on like 14 i think now. requests are open right now, so if you want the next chapter to be something specific, feel free to ask. as always, comments and kudos are appreciated, so yea <3 have an amazing day, and all of you are so lovely for reading, thank you! also, this chapter was thirty pages in google docs lmao. congrats to me, we've officially reached three hundred and ninety one pages in google docs haha. anyway, night and thanks for reading <3


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Joel return from the trip, but of course, it doesn't go without drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was kinda just a little transition chapter, i was kinda tired and had a really shitty day, but i wanted to get something out for you guys. enjoy! also, that little screenshot is something i forgot to put in the last chapter but i thought it was kinda funny. i caught joel dabbing during my second playthrough.

that's the screenshot of joel: 

<https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/729879653174738956/780122332110258177/The_Last_of_UsTM_Part_II_20200919221647.jpg>

“Hey, Joel. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.” Joel smiled, flipping through the joke book he’d gifted her as they began to return to Jackson. It’d been another day, and Ellie had forced him to return to the museum with her, as she wanted to take a souvenir. So, she had a velociraptor’s tiny skull in her bag and she planned on decorating her room with it. Joel only laughed at her, messing her head once again. 

“Alright, here’s one…” Joel grumbled, thinking of another joke and looking to Ellie with a smirk. “If a kid refuses to sleep, are they guilty of resisting a rest?” Ellie cackled, slipping her bag back into her bag with a goofy smile. 

They were almost back to Jackson, maybe an hour or two out. Ellie felt as if someone had been watching them on their way back, but she wrote it off as an uneasiness that lived in her after Winter and Chase. “Hey, Joel, look…” Ellie whispered, pointing towards a fawn in the distance. Joel smiled, bending beside her behind a branch. “I’m going to name him Timothy.” 

Joel chuckled, rolling his eyes and slowly standing as the fawn trotted away in the mystical looking woods. “God, it’s hot…” Ellie groaned, wiping her hair behind her ears and releasing a prolonged groan. She was dressed in large beige shorts and the same tank top she’d been wearing the previous day, but she’d washed it in the river, because of the warm, sweaty temperature. “You need to tell Tommy to get A.C in Jackson, Jesus.” 

“Noted.” Joel smirked, wiping his own hair and smudging his arm across his forehead. “Alright, almost there kiddo.” There was the sign, welcoming them to Jackson County like a peaceful hug.  _ Walls are going to be nice again.  _

Ellie had almost forgotten what being on the road was like, and though she liked the break, having to look over her shoulder every second once again wasn’t a welcome change. But suddenly, a twig snapped behind them and Ellie spun around, surveying the woods. Joel scanned the treeline, his brows furrowing and his hand resting above his revolver. “What the fuck was that?” Ellie asked him, taking Joel’s hand and looking up towards him. He always teased her about how she only was able to measure up to just below his shoulders. Still, Joel was worried about why she was so tiny. He always brought food with him and the pills she’d been prescribed in his backpack. 

“Probably just a deer, kiddo.” Joel shrugged, but then, another sound emerged from the woods, and this one was a footstep. Ellie’s lips let a gasp escape and she drew her pistol from back pocket, aiming it towards the treeline. “Stay behind me.” Joel ordered softly, protecting her with his arm and pulling his revolver from his pocket, leaving her temporarily to move towards the woods. 

“Joel.” Ellie whined, trying to follow him but he gently hushed her, looking towards the woods. Another snap of a twig sounded through her ears and she felt her fear grow, looking back towards Joel desperately. “Joel, I don’t like this.” She whispered, moving towards him and clutching the back of his shirt. 

The mood had suddenly shifted into terror and Joel felt her fear. He frowned, taking her hand while keeping the other wrapped around his revolver. He aimed it towards the woods, and suddenly, Ellie’s hands were ripped from his, almost tearing her shirt because of her death grip. “ _ Joel _ !” Ellie squealed, hearing the whispers of a hunter in her ear. She screeched, fighting against the grip as hard as she could but it wasn’t good enough. 

Joel’s eyes widened and he felt a fury looking at the hunter and his disgusting grip on Ellie. She let out another roar, smacking her fists against the man but it seemed to do little. Cold shock raced through her. The weekend had been one of the best of her life, but of course, life condemned them and it had to end. 

“Come here, you!” The hunter growled, pulling her back and lifting her up into the air. Joel’s eyes widened and he aimed his pistol, pulling the trigger and sinking lead into the man’s eye. 

“Ellie!” Joel yelled, moving towards her as the hunter dropped her. She let out a series of coughs, as the man had been choking her when he held her. “Ellie, are you-”  
Ellie’s eyes widened when he framed her face with his hands and she pushed herself from his grip. Ellie aimed her pistol, shooting a bullet into the neck of a man that was inches from Joel. Joel spun around, seeing that a pack of hunters -around five or six men- were rushing towards Ellie and him, guns aimed towards the pair. “Get off of me!” Ellie screamed as two more hunters took her in their arms, strangling her and holding her still. 

“Motherfucker!” Joel roared, bashing one of the men’s heads in. He fell to the ground, and Ellie threw her knife into the other’s neck, blood spilling all over. She gasped, seeing what she’d done. It had been so long since she’d killed someone, and the familiar cold shock that wrapped around her whenever she was forced to wasn’t a welcomed or pleasant feeling. “Ellie, c’mon, we have to run.” Joel ordered, taking her hand and dragging her through the woods, but someone tackled Joel, and another took Ellie in his arms, holding her so hard that bruises appeared on her arms. 

Joel let out a furious roar, seeing two men hold Ellie as she screamed and cried for Joel. He tried to fight against their grip, desperate to get to her. Pure rage and hate ran through his veins when he saw a cut on Ellie’s cheek. Ellie cried out Joel’s name and she fought against the men holding her and eventually, one of them slammed their pistol against her head, making her slink into an unconscious state. “ _ ELLIE! _ ” He roared, but soon, he too, was seeing nothing but black. 

\----------------------------------------------------

She felt someone nudging her and she jumped up, her breath quick and dry tears on her face. A nasty cut lived on her cheek and Ellie’s eyes were covered by a cloth. She held her fists up, seeing they were bound together but she was able to move them in unison, and the same went for her ankles. 

Her head whipped around and Ellie realized she was curled up into a ball against her will. Her body sensed that she was in a closed space and she fought against a body beside her, fearing it was one of the hunters. “Hey, hey, it’s me. It’s me.” Joel’s voice met her ears and she stopped moving, looking around her desperately, trying to find him. 

“Joel?” Ellie whispered, her voice barely standing in the river of tears that wanted to barricade her right to speak. He nodded, slowly pulling her blindfold off and meeting her eyes. They were in the back of a truck of some kind, but it didn’t feel like they were moving. “Dad.” Ellie whispered, falling into her eyes and feeling tears run down her face. Her body hurt and she was absolutely exhausted. They must’ve been in there for at least half a day and her stomach was begging for anything. 

“It’s okay now, baby girl. It’s okay.” Joel whispered, his hands binded as well, but they were looser, so he could pat her hair with a struggle and wrap his arms over her head, taking her into a hug. “We’re together, it’s alright… We’re going to find a way outta here.” He promised, letting her cry in his arms from having to face the hunters once again, and memories were swarming here. “Okay, it’s alright.” 

She eventually pulled herself from him, still softly weeping. He murmured her comfort, but she felt fear slick around her spine when she heard the muffled conversations of the hunters outside. “W-what are they going to do to us?” Ellie whispered, her eyes red and a fair bit of blood dotted across her cheek. He wiped the bloody cut with his sleeve gently, but he only smeared it.  _ What are they going to do to me?  _ Ellie asked herself in a terrified question, and she looked back into Joel’s eyes. 

He frowned, caressing her cheek and seeing small bruises in the shape of hand prints on her arms. He bared his teeth, but didn’t allow himself to bang against the walls. The longer the hunters believed they were asleep, the better. “We’re going to be okay… we’ll find a way out.” Joel swore to her and she sighed, small cries still emerging from her but finally, they stalled and were left with shallow breaths.  _ Fuck, I’m hungry.  _ Ellie’s stomach growled and Joel frowned, cursing under his breath. “Alright, just hold on a little longer, okay, baby girl?” He asked and she nodded, feeling worse for wear.

Her body felt disgusting due to the men touching her and she rubbed it to the point where it hurt, but Joel took her hand, stopping her. “We’ll be back home soon, I promise.” He whispered, looking straight in her eyes. He had a split eyebrow and there were two small cuts on his nose, and a bruise on his cheek. 

Ellie’s fists dug her nails in in fury and she wished she could have a minute alone with the hunters and a bat. As protective as Joel was of Ellie, it multiplied twenty times for her, as she had lost too many people for it to happen again. He’d lost his daughter, but she’d lost so many people directly due to  _ her actions,  _ and he was able to accept it wasn’t his fault… but that was something Ellie’d never accomplish. “O-okay.” Ellie whispered, her stomach roaring again but she tried to ignore it. 

Joel looked around, inspecting their surroundings. He noticed Ellie’s hoodie had been stripped from her and his absolute white rage only grew.  _ I’m going to kill every last one of them.  _ He promised her, cursing when he saw nothing that could get them out. “Do you have your knife?” Joel asked, seeing her rub her hands above her pocket, looking for the firm weight of the knife. 

“Fuck… they must’ve taken it when I stabbed that fucker.” Ellie whispered, swearing and looking back up at Joel. He cursed under his breath and tried struggling out of the itchy rope binds. “Wait, I… I think I can slip my hand out if I bend my thumb.” Ellie sickly knew that nearly dislocating her finger was the only way for them to get out and Joel swore underneath his breath, his inhales heavy and stressed. “If I bend it out, I can get it, I think.” She nodded, looking up to Joel for him to tell her what to do. “It’s the only way out, you know it.” 

“No, we’ll find another way, Ellie.” He answered sternly, shaking his head and once again tracing the wall of the metal truck. They still didn’t seem to be moving and Joel assumed that it was later in the day and they were settling down for the night.  _ Shit.  _ Joel realized that they’d been gone a day -due to the attack- later than he’d told Tommy. He just hoped his little brother didn’t come out looking and find these fuckers. 

Eventually, Joel realized there was no other way, but he shook his head, continuing his search. “Joel, I can handle it…” Ellie murmured, looking down at the agitated skin of her hand and beginning to itch it, but Joel stopped her, shaking his head. 

Ellie groaned, taking action into her own hands. She didn’t think she’d been pulling her weight, and she felt like a burden to everyone, but this time, she was going to help. Ellie abruptly yanked her hand out and a sickening, subtle crack went through the air, like how it sounded if one cracked their knuckles or neck. Her breath quickened in pain and she threw the rope of, clutching her thumb in pain. “Fucker.” She hissed, looking down at it and seeing that it had been popped from its socket. Still, she’d freed her hands. “Motherfucker.” She spoke harshly, wrapping her hand around the thumb, but Joel shook his head, taking it gently and sickly readying to snap it back. Her breathing was quick and eventually she groaned, looking up at him. “Just do-”

Ellie had to muffle her near scream as Joel snapped it back in place and she held it close to her, her breathing rapid. “I know, it’s okay.” Joel whispered, rubbing her back while she recovered from the horrible pain. 

“Let’s just  _ fucking  _ get out of here.” Ellie whispered, shaking her hand in pain and using her good one to untie Joel. He rubbed his wrists where the tight ropes had suffocated her skin. Ellie watched him move around the truck, now able to use his hands and feet. She rubbed her hand in pain, holding it close to her like an injured puppy. 

“Alright…” Joel exhaled, looking through the small window that showed the front of the truck, and the front showed the rest of the camp. There were five of them. Ellie and Joel had both taken out a fair amount of them, maybe three or four. “Okay, we’re gon wait until night, alright? Till they go to sleep.” Joel explained to her and she nodded, peering out of the truck before slinking back down against the wall, tired and hungry. 

Joel’s eyes widened and he saw their bags lying in the front seat. He praised the gods, taking both of them and pulling them into the back where they resided, closing the gap between the spaces. “Here we go, we got some food, baby girl.” Her eyes picked up and she desperately looked to him, her stomach growling again. 

“God, I’m so fucking hungry.” Ellie whispered, still holding her right hand in her chest, but using her left to extend towards the small wrapped sandwich Joel had packed for the trip. “Fuck yeah.” She smiled, devouring the sandwich as if she were a black hole. 

“Reckon that’s a bit better for you…” Joel stroked her hair gently as she ate, taking a small bite himself but allowing her to eat almost all of it.  _ She needs it more.  _ “Okay, we’re going to be alright now. We wait until night time.” 

She finished the food, tossing the wrapper aside and looking up to Joel tiredly. Laughter emerged from the outside of the truck and Ellie scowled, her face erupting into anger. “Fuckers… we’re gonna show them.” She glared, remembering the men grabbing her when they’d first been captured. Joel frowned, hating that she had to talk like that and she couldn’t lead what could be considered a normal life. 

Ellie missed the ranch slightly, and she wondered what Jesse and Dina would be doing right now. Jesse wouldn’t believe her when she told him. The boy had found her stories enjoyable, like the comic books that she loved. Ellie found it sweet. 

Joel kept the ropes close by, just in case the men came back to check on them and they needed to cloak themselves. “Try and get some rest, baby girl… we’re gonna need to rush to Jackson when we get out.” Ellie nodded, hiding in his arms and trying to fall asleep, even with the looming figures of the hunters within earshot. “It’s okay… nothing’s gon’ happen, I’m right here.” 

Ellie nodded her head, slowly slumbering in Joel’s arms. He squeezed her hand, watching over them while she slept, exhausted from the day’s events and for going without food for so long.  _ So much for ‘taking it easy.’  _ She snorted, but finally, falling asleep. Joel sighed, brushing her hair gently and keeping her hidden in his arms.

_ I’m going to keep you safe… no matter what.  _ Joel swore and slowly, day turned to night, and the uproaring and laughter of the hunters outside grew slow.  _ They’re sleepin’... they’re going to regret ever touching her.  _ Joel snarled in his mind, remembering the horrible moment he’d heard her first scream. The amount of anger that lived in his veins when he saw those grown men holding his daughter and rubbing against her. He knew he wouldn’t regret the actions that they were about to transpire in. 

When he heard the soothing chirps of the crickets, Joel gently shook Ellie awake, making sure that his face was in front of hers so that she knew it was him. “It’s okay, just me.” He raised his hands in surrender and she sighed, closing her eyes again for a second before letting out an adorable -in Joel’s opinion- yawn. “You ready?” Ellie nodded, taking her gun that she’d acquired from her bag and holding it between her hands. 

“Fuck yeah.” Ellie whispered, missing the feeling of Joel’s and her bed. She missed her friends and their days at work, just spending the entire day laughing and being chaotic together. “What’s the game plan?” Ellie asked. Her hand was even more sore, but sleeping temporarily muted the pain. Joel was sure that they’d have something back at Jackson to help her, and a few days would heal the wound.  _ Just another badass scar.  _ Ellie tried to cheer herself up, succeeded slightly. 

Joel quietly himself through the gap between both of the parts of the truck, landing in the front silently. Ellie followed behind him and they settled their eyes on the campsite. A dead fire was in the center, surrounded by a gaggle of tents. “Take ‘em out one by one. There’s six, so we stick together, okay?” 

“Okay.” Ellie whispered back and Joel silently opened the door to the truck. Ellie followed behind him and she noiselessly closed it, but the slightest of sounds escaped the door. She winced, but no consequence seemed to come from the decibel. Joel and Ellie lowered themselves, using the shadows to their advantage and going undetected. Joel signaled towards one of the tents and Ellie nodded. 

He silently cut a gap in the back of the tent, granting them entrance. And so, they went in, taking both of the men inhabiting the space quickly. Both of them dipped their head as a compliment for the others and they looted the tent quickly. They moved through the tents, finally getting to the last one. Ellie had blood dripping from her hands, but Joel took care of the majority, not wanting to put her in that position to hurt someone when she didn’t want to, and that cheered her up a little. Joel held a finger to his lips, but before he could even open the tent’s gap, someone pounced on him from the interior, throwing him to the floor. “Joel!” She yelled, running towards him and noticing her pocket knife in the back of the hunter’s jeans. She grabbed it, wielding the blade and stabbing the man, slitting his throat. 

Ellie cringed, seeing the blood run down her hands, but she shook it off, throwing the body off of Joel and looking down to him, breathing once again when she saw that he was alright. “Are you okay?” She demanded, seeing him nod and take her hand, balancing himself and standing once again. Suddenly, another one of the men grabbed Joel when he’d gone to loot the tent, but this time, Joel wasn’t able to dodge away so quickly. The hunter took Joel and held his own revolver to his head, looking to Ellie in the diminished fire light. 

“Don’t move.” He ordered, his tongue sharp. Joel growled, struggling against the man’s grip, but when the hunter cocked the gun, Joel paused, looking at Ellie’s trembling pistol. The hunter laughed, looking at her nose, which had begun to tremble in fear just like that of a bunny. “Aw, you’re just a scared little girl.” The hunter cackled, looking to her then to Joel, laughing at her and mocking her. Her eyebrows furrowed together and her hands rubbed against the gun’s metal. “Ah, you’re just a girl… not a threat-” The man was cut off as Ellie suddenly fired, sending shot after shot into his head until Joel held his hand up, running towards her and throwing the gun away. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” He whispered, combing her hair while she cried. They hadn’t run into hunters since… since David. It was a fresh wound and she didn’t want to think of it. She thought of all of the times after him they’d nearly collided, but narrowly escaped the disgusting species of pigs. “It’s okay, we’re okay now.” Joel promised her, letting her release her tears. Blood was splattered on both of their faces and he scrunched his features together, separating from her for a second. “Okay, let’s get out of here, alright, baby girl?” She nodded vigorously and they slowly walked into the dark woods, their flashlights illuminating the way for them. The bitter summer night nipped at Ellie’s bare legs and arms, but Joel’s hand in hers warmed her. She looked up to her father, squeezing his hand and growing closer to him. “It’s alright, baby girl.”

The lights of Jackson were just barely visible and Ellie breathed, wanting to return to the safe walls. She’d almost taken them for granted, a mistake that would not happen again. “I’m tired.” Ellie whispered and Joel returned the sentence, uttering the same thing. 

“I know, me, too. Let’s get us some sleep, alright?” Joel asked her and she nodded, growing closer and closer to Jackson. Finally, she nearly fell, her exhaustion getting the better of her. “Ellie!” He called, catching her and holding her in his arms. She shook her head, shutting her eyes in his grip. 

“I’m alright… I’m just tired.” She repeated and he sighed, slipping his hands under her knee caps and on her neck, holding her in his arms. A stray hair was brushed from her face and Joel kissed her forehead, looking down to her in the darkness. 

“Okay… get some rest, baby girl. I’ll get us back.” Joel whispered, rubbing her and warming her up slightly. He looked down into her eyes, only to see she’d already fallen asleep, tired from the exhausting weekend, but she knew it was among the best days of her life. Her birthday was special, he made sure of that, and Ellie loved him for it. “Love you, kiddo.” He murmured softly, getting them to Jackson and returning them to their house. He opened the door, treading upstairs and slipping her into his -their- bed. 

He unfastened her shoes and tucked the blankets under her arms, watching her breathing relax in the feeling of their own bed. Joel smiled warmly, getting into the bed beside her and feeling her crawl into his arms, searching for his grip. He grinned gently, stroking her back and slowly falling asleep right beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading everyone, there will be another chapter in 1-3 days. requests are open right now, and they're appreciated so if you have an ask for a chapter, feel free to ask, i love hearing your suggestions! kudos and comments are always appreciated, and as always, thank you so much for reading! love all of you, and have an amazing day! I need to sleep haha, i had a shit day.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel and Ellie go out for patrol, but it goes wrong quicker than usual.

“And… Ellie’s favor.” Dina cheered at the small screen, looking up towards their friends. A steaming box of pizza was laying in the ranch, and it had quickly turned to dark. Joel had permitted Ellie a sleepover with Jesse and Dina, as long as she’d eaten by the night’s end: he really was so careful with her, but she didn’t mind. “What’s that, Jesse, eight now?”

“Shut up.” Jessie grumbled at her, but a warm smile was on the boy’s face. Ellie laughed, meeting her fist with Jesse’s and sitting back in her dark maroon sleeping bag. 

The summer’s night whipped at her fingers and she curled in the hoodie that Dina had gifted her so long ago. “It’s in my blood, Joel used to play this shit all the time.” Ellie laughed, still grateful when she thought of the man as her father. 

Before Joel, Ellie had literally no one. Riley was there, sure, but that was a different type of love. Not that that one lasted long. But now, Ellie had someone who loved her. Not in a malicious way, not in a  _ disgusting  _ way, just… loved her. And nothing else. He was there to hold her when she cried, and she did the same for him. And he was there to protect her from her nightmares… and she did the same for him. 

Ellie prayed she wouldn’t be teased with nightmarish terrors, but it wasn’t looking that way. In the two weeks after the hunter’s attack, she’d been cursed with the wrath of David and Chase. Joel had been there for her, but of course, there was only so much she could do. And it wasn’t just the attack, Riley’s anniversary was tomorrow. Ellie dreaded it like the plague, and she only hoped that Joel would be enough to keep her afloat. “Well, my sister used to like this stuff. And I fucking suck.” Dina laughed, looking down at Ellie from the ranch’s attic. 

Dina had never told Ellie about what exactly had happened to her sister. But, in the world they lived in, Ellie could guess. Jesse hadn’t had much tragedy in his life: obviously living in their world was enough for anyone, but compared to Dina and  _ especially  _ Ellie, it was nothing. Ellie had lost both of her parents, all of her friends, and of course: what had happened to her in Winter, and Spring, for that matter. Then, Dina had lost  _ her  _ parents and her sister. Jesse still  _ somehow  _ had both of his parents and was even lucky enough to have a little puppy: Chip. He’d brought the dog to the ranch once, but he hadn’t exactly loved the horses. “I dunno, I guess you both suck then.” Ellie smirked, feeling Jesse punch her shoulder jokingly. 

Both Dina and Ellie yawned, the taller girl letting out a giggle. Ellie hadn’t told Dina or Jesse about what the doctor said… about how the doctor didn’t think she’d make it past forty. Ellie already felt like a freak, both from what Chase had tried to do to her -what David  _ had  _ done-, and the realization of the curse her immunity was. “Yeah, probably.” Jesse sighed, all three of them sitting down in their sleeping bags and letting the tire begin to draw their eyes closed. 

“Hey, Jesse.” She saw Dina look over to her, Jesse staying still in his bag. In between Dina and Ellie, Jessie was nestled a few inches apart from both of them, his body under a blanket. “What’s the downside to eating a clock…? It’s time consuming.” Ellie whispered, looking up at the stars in the cracks of the ranch’s ceiling. It was cloudy, and the welcoming glow was no longer visible. 

Dina and Ellie chuckled, but the three friends have been quickly subdued by exhaustion. It’d been a long day, as there had been a lot of patrols, so a lot of clean up for them. “That’s a good one.” Jesse murmured, but he’d fallen asleep by the end of his sentence. Ellie laughed in a hushed tone, but soon Dina’s eyes were shut as well. But she wasn’t asleep. Dina rolled over, taking Ellie’s hand. Ellie blushed, but she pushed it down. After seeing Jesse and Dina, Ellie didn’t let herself feel anything for Dina, but it was a losing battle.

“Night, Ellie.” Dina whispered, shutting her eyes and soon retreating to the world of sleep. Ellie didn’t shut her eyes. She knew Joel probably wouldn’t be sleeping much, either. It was the first time she hadn’t slept inches from Joel since she learned about what he’d done with the fireflies… that week was one of the worst of her life, but obviously towered by the one after David, and the one after Riley… and the one after Tess… and the one after Sam and Henry. She’d had too much tragedy in her life. 

Ellie sighed, knowing it’d be a long night, so… she tried to shut her eyes. And she opened them and when she did, she saw David sitting in the corner. Ellie turned around, a tear rolling down her cheek. The subtle wind whisked through her hair and she sniffled, grateful both Dina and Jesse were asleep. 

Dina treated her  _ differently  _ after learning about David, and it made Ellie feel only like more of a freak. Joel told her she wasn’t, but she didn’t believe him.  _ Especially  _ after what the doctor’s visit had told them. Everyone her age in the town -beside Dina and Jesse, of course- treated her like the plague. They were too young and too privileged to understand why she needed to kill Chase… and what he’d tried to do to her. Sometimes Ellie wished she could sit in their shoes for a day, but then she remembered that everything she went through was indeed  _ horrible,  _ but it brought her Joel. And that kept her above the black water. 

Ellie looked over to Dina, then Jesse. She loved both of them, they’d brought her so much happiness in Jackson. If she hadn’t met them, she didn’t know if they’d still even be in Jackson… she was so miserable the first few days, especially after the events in Salt Lake.  _ C’mon, just close your eyes and go to sleep, Ellie.  _ She hissed at herself, squeezing her nails into her palms and opening her eyes, then closing them again. 

She groaned, but kept her voice low so as to not wake Dina or Jesse. So… the hours went by, and midnight turned to one A.M, then two… then three. And suddenly… Dina awoke, a gasp escaping her lips. Ellie looked back, keeping her body and pretending to be asleep. She saw Dina look around, seeing Ellie’s ‘sleeping’ frame. Ellie’s back was turned towards her, so Dina was sure she was slumbering. However, it seemed Jesse had become tuned to Dina’s sounds -much like Ellie and Joel had to each other-, because he’d awoken quickly, looking at Dina. “Dina-”

“I’m okay.” Dina whispered, their voices incredibly quiet so they didn’t wake Ellie. Jesse sighed, simply shaking his head and letting Dina hide in his arms. “Sorry… I didn’t want to wake you.” Dina whispered, sniffles running through the chilly air. Ellie cringed, knowing what Dina was going through all too well. Ellie felt her longing for Joel grow and she squeezed her fists once again, regretting leaving him, only if it was just for a night. 

Sometimes she had the worst nightmares of all… when she wasn’t the one in pain. When she had to watch Joel suffering in front of her… and she couldn’t do anything to stop it. The night after the hunters, she’d let her mind wonder what would have happened if she didn’t shoot that man. Not only to her, but to Joel, mostly. Ellie heard him screaming her name and blood curdle in his throat as the hunter slowly slit his throat before her. His last words were disappointment to her, and his confusion of why she wouldn’t shoot the man. But truthfully, Ellie didn’t want to kill again. She  _ never  _ hesitated, and that was what scared her. “It’s okay… it’s okay now.” Jesse whispered, and he murmured comfort to Dina, who slowly, very slowly, fell asleep again in Jesse’s arms. Ellie shut her eyes when she heard him kissing her, comforting her to sleep.  _ Why does this hurt so much?  _

Ellie then pretended to wake up from her own nightmare, not wanting Jesse to know she wasn’t permitted to sleep after what she’d been through. Dina had been laid to sleep in Jesse’s sleeping bag and Jesse watched Ellie slowly look around, as she’d done so many times after her night-terrors. Ellie could still see David in the corner, his eyes gleaming with fire and his figure hunched over. This time, she saw him with the machete protruding from his bald eyes. She cowered, watching blood and brains drip onto the ranch’s hay and dirt. “Hey.” Ellie whispered, a thin layer of sweat on her forehead and she wiped it, feeling like a freak. Jesse frowned, leaving Dina in his bag and moving towards Ellie’s, sitting at the foot of hers. 

“You okay?” Jesse asked, looking at Ellie. He noticed her staring to stare into one exact spot in the corner, almost as if someone was there. Jesse shook Ellie slightly, cringing when she did as well. 

“Dina told you… didn’t she?” Ellie asked, looking directly into Jesse’s eyes in the night. Dina slumbered beside them, her drawn out breaths relaxing both of them slightly. Ellie suspected Dina had told Jesse, as he, too had started treating her just a little differently. But he didn’t need to respond, Ellie knew the answer when he stayed quiet. “Yeah… she did.” Ellie whispered, hiding her head in her hands and breathing slowly, imagining Joel beside her instead of David’s bloody and smoky scent strangling her. 

“I’m really-”

“Don’t pity me… please, it just makes it worse.” Ellie whispered, her head emerging from her arms. She heaved a deep sigh, looking into Jesse’s eyes and wiping a stray tear from her cheek, hoping he didn’t see it. She’d never really been emotional around Jesse, except the day after Chase, but after that, her shields reemerged and she was defensive around them. “I’m sorry for not telling you.” 

“No, that’s… your choice, Ellie.” Jesse whispered, looking back to Dina then Ellie. Jesse gently took Ellie’s hand, making sure she was alright with the action. “But… we’re here for you now. And all three of us are going to be here for each other forever, okay?” Jesse asked, letting Ellie hug him and subtly cry in his shoulders. 

It was strange, as it was the first time she’d cried in front of Jesse. “Thank you.” Ellie whispered, feeling him rub her back just as Joel did. She smiled, eventually wiping her eyes and sniffling, her small session of terror over. With Jesse comforting her, the smell of smoke and David relinquished, and she could breathe for a second. It was the first time she felt that without Joel.  _ I hate bad dreams.  _ Ellie thought sadly, looking down. 

\------------------------------------------------

It was morning. With each other’s comfort, it had been a warming night for all three of them. Ellie felt a little bit of Winter’s weight relinquish, and that was the best feeling in her life. “I should head back… we have patrols in that old hotel today.” Ellie whispered to Jesse and Dina, who both sleepily nodded. They’d been awake for a little bit, and Jesse had made breakfast with some candy he’d stolen from his house. But, Ellie needed real food, and her stomach was starting to growl. She didn’t plan on telling Dina or Jesse about her… condition. Because then, more questions would arise, and soon enough, she wouldn’t be able to hide her immunity. Ellie was just relieved she hadn’t accidentally slipped up and wore a short sleeve shirt. 

“Okay, we’ll probably be here for the rest of the day.” Jesse answered her and Ellie nodded, packing her sleeping bag into her backpack and treading towards Joel’s and her house. She imagined that he hadn’t rested much either. 

As Ellie trudged towards their house, she sighed, looking back towards the ranch and sighing. A small bit of comfort bled through her veins when she thought of Jesse’s words. It was what Joel always said to her:  _ ‘All three of us are going to be here for each other forever… okay?’  _ Ellie sighed, taking her key from her bag and twisting it into the door, pushing it open. “Joel?” Ellie yelled through the house, hearing no response. “Hey, Joel?” Ellie yelled a little louder, itching her hair uncomfortably. 

She settled her bag down on the couch and called his name again, the slightest trace of fear beginning to raise in her. “Joel, you in here?” Ellie’s voice sounded a little more desperate, and she poked her head into the lower bathroom, seeing he wasn’t there. 

Ellie quickly trotted towards the stairs, running up them and still seeing no traces of life. They had patrols…  _ It’s okay, Ellie. Maybe he just went to get Shimmer and I missed him. Maybe he’s at Tommy’s, we’re okay.  _ Ellie tried to comfort herself, but a horrifying feeling of terror began to make her blood crawl upwards and prevent her from moving. “Dad?” Ellie’s voice was higher and she breathed heavily, looking in their -or, technically, Joel’s- room. She’d begun painting the walls a dark blue with the silhouette of a giraffe on the one she currently faced. “Dad?” Ellie whispered again and suddenly, the sound of the door opening startled her, almost making her scream. “Joel?” Ellie called down, feeling an immeasurable level of relief and love run through her when she heard his voice meet her ears. 

_ We’re alright… he didn’t leave us, Ellie… we’re okay.  _ She reassured herself, rushing down the steps and seeing him set his pair of keys down on the counter, looking in the fridge and finding a cold can of seltzer. Sarah loved this stuff, but of course, she always wanted the sugary things, much like any child… well, besides Ellie. Even after her road of recovery -which still continued each day-, it was still occasionally a struggle to get her to eat.

Any confidence or self-esteem she once had in herself had been shattered after David, and Chase for that matter. Joel tried to fix it, and he was, but it was a long war. Still… she seemed happier in Jackson, knowing Joel was safe and that there was more of a chance they’d survive the day and still be together after. “Jesus Christ.” Ellie hugged him tightly, calming herself down. 

“You okay, kiddo?” 

“Yeah. Sorry, just… nevermind.” Ellie shrugged it off, disconnecting herself from Joel and wiping her hair back. Joel had a weird expression on his face and Ellie noticed with a giant smile that he had been blushing before he came into the house. “What are you smiling about, old man?” Ellie smirked, seeing that he had a true grin on his face, which was rare when he wasn’t with either her, or Tommy. Joel ducked his head, smiling at her. 

“Nothin’, kiddo…” But the look in his eyes answered her question.  _ Did Joel meet someone?  _ Ellie asked with a giant grin, faking a gasp and looking up at Joel. 

“Has Joel fallen in love?” She giggled wildly, and Joel faked a glare at her, playfully punching her shoulder, but she only laughed more. “Well, don’t keep me in suspense here, old man.” Ellie laughed, looking up at him with the biggest smile he’d seen since her birthday. “What’s her name?” Ellie sang, sitting in front of Joel on one of the kitchen’s countertops. 

Joel sighed, seeing her absolute intrigue and teasing, but she looked happy, and he wanted it to continue. So, he humored her. He’d run into the guard from earlier, and she’d offered him a drink at the local tavern-like restaurant later in the night, after patrols with Ellie. “Remember that, uh, that guard… Faye? She saved our asses after we went out?” Ellie’s smile grew and she nodded vigorously, scooting herself under Joel’s arms and looking up at him with a cackle. 

“She’s  _ veryyyyy _ pretty, Joel.” Ellie teased and he shrugged her off, chuckling. “You guys will be so cute together.” Ellie grinned, but really, she wasn’t sure what to think about the guard. She was protective of Joel, and didn’t want him to be hurt, especially after what he’d told her about Sarah’s mom. And, on top of that, Ellie found the guard… peculiar. She’d run into the guard right after the hunter’s visit: 

_ “Hey… you’re Joel’s daughter, right?” Ellie turned around, seeing the guard that had saved them after Joel had taught her how to swim. Dina and Ellie were in the middle of town, as Dina had  _ insisted  _ on making sure Ellie had gone shopping with her friends at least once before she died. Ellie remembered Dina’s words with a smile: ‘ _ C’mon, can’t we be teenagers, like, once, El?'  _ So, they were in the middle of town.  _

_ “Yeah, um… that’s me.” Ellie awkwardly smiled at her, watching the woman carefully eye her like she was a threat. Dina looked up to Ellie, and the smaller girl returned her gaze. “Oh, I wanted to say thanks, for saving our ass last week.” Ellie smiled shyly, uncomfortable with the woman’s cold stare and weird silence.  _

_ “Nah, that’s my job. Your dad told me about what happened with those hunters.” Ellie felt as if she was being reprimanded by a teacher for missing a homework assignment, or like she was a child being yelled at by its parents for stealing a candy bar. “I, uh… I’m glad you survived.” The woman whispered, looking straight into Ellie’s eyes. Ellie squinted her eyes in suspicion, as Faye -the woman- had said it in a peculiar tone. Almost like Ellie was  _ hers  _ for the taking, and she was almost offended by the hunters trying to take away  _ her  _ catch. “I’ll see you around, kid.” _

_ “Uh, yeah… I guess.” Ellie murmured, her skin having an odd cold settle across her skin. She watched the woman slink away, her mind tracing to Faye’s last words.  _ I’ll see you around, kid.  _ She said it like a promise, like a warning. And a knot tangled itself in Ellie’s gut.  _

Joel seemed excited about the woman, so Ellie kept her mouth shut, despite her near  _ fear  _ of the woman. She trusted Joel, and if he liked her, then Ellie would try to… but she didn’t think that’d be happening soon.  _ He likes her. We need to keep our mouth shut, Ellie. Don’t hurt him.  _ “Yeah, yeah, get your teasin’ out now. We gotta head out soon, Tommy assigned us some more land to cover.” 

“Finally… I miss outside.” Ellie groaned, even though it had only been a week since the last time they’d been outside the walls. But Ellie felt like a caged animal, and it was like the instincts she once had to use every day were being drowned slowly… and she couldn’t do anything. “So many assholes in here.” Ellie moved towards the couch, sitting down and fastening her hiking boots onto her small feet. 

“Yeah, I suppose.” Joel shrugged, sitting beside her and pushing his boots back onto his feet. “Did ya eat today?” Joel asked and she smiled up at him, finding his constant concern for her heartwarming. She didn’t mind it, not at all. In the zone, she’d never had someone who cared for her. Ellie found the voice recorder Joel had taken from the hospital, and she heard Marlene’s words. ‘ _ Despite everything I was in charge of, I looked after her.’  _ Marlene only made Ellie feel more and more like a burden, and part of her didn’t mourn Marlene, but it was a very small part. 

Joel killed her… but Marlene was going to  _ murder  _ a fourteen year old  _ child  _ to make a vaccine.  _ ‘Remember, Ellie… you always put yourself first. That’s how you survive. Sacrifice one to save the many.’  _ It was Marlene’s anthem when raising up Ellie, ‘always put yourself first.’ Ellie had been taught to survive, not live… and Joel was slowly breaking her open, forcing that philosophy from her brain like a toxic gas. When Ellie told Joel some of the things Marlene had told to her -almost as if they were lullabies-, he cringed.  _ That woman was a monster.  _ Joel thought, shaking his head when Ellie told him of what she’d learned growing up. 

_ “She always was so… stale. She taught me to survive. I didn’t really have much time to live.” _

“Yeah, uh, had some pizza left over from last night, at the ranch.” Ellie lied, knowing it’d probably be a mistake. She didn’t want Joel to panic over every little thing… she felt like a burden. Like she was a lead in a play, but she’d suddenly gone mute, unable to cry out for help. 

“Alright, reckon we should be gettin’ outta here, then.” Joel caressed her cheek for a second before taking Ellie’s hands, leading them outside and towards the fence. Funnily enough, Faye was on duty, looking out towards the outside. “Howdy.” Joel called up, Ellie subtly hiding behind him. The woman scared her in a sense, but Joel looked  _ so  _ excited… and she didn’t have the ability to tell him her discomfort. He looked so happy, and she couldn’t tell him ‘no.’ 

“Hey, there. Hey, Ellie.” The tone in which she said Ellie’s voice was vindictive, but Joel was too clouded over to notice. Ellie faked a smile and waved back at her, trying to show Joel she was happy, even if it wasn’t completely the truth. “You two headed out?” 

“Yup, got some new territory, right outside the school.” Joel nodded, his foolish smile returning. Ellie was, at least, happy that he seemed so lighthearted when the woman was around, even if all of Ellie’s instincts screamed to her that ‘Faye’ was bad news. 

Faye nodded, her striking rifle hidden in her hands. When she turned around, the rifle accidentally aimed at Ellie, but Joel was only staring at her face. Ellie hid behind Joel again. “Alright, you two be careful. You, too, Ellie.” Shimmer was already at the wall, since Tommy had just come back with her. Ellie quickly mounted the horse, eager to end the frighteningly chilling conversation with the woman. Joel slowly followed behind her, telling her to ‘scootch.’ 

Faye turned back around, trudging over to a discreet location of the wall and turning around, but her ears were adept to Ellie’s chatter. She needed her revenge on the girl. “Alright, you got everything, kiddo?” Ellie nodded, scooting so Joel could get on and he climbed aboard. His daughter helped him up with a hand and they left the safety of the walls… Faye watched them ride out. 

“Okay, here we go.” Ellie pulled her joke book from her bag, flipping through the pages. Joel smiled, seeing that she seemed to be lighter already. As they rode through the retreating summer’s air, -it was the start of August, so while the summer was almost done, to Ellie’s relief, it was boiling hot- Ellie began telling him her jokes. “What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.” Ellie laughed, small snorts living in between her giggles. Joel smiled back at her, grateful to see that after everything they’d been through, she was still alive. Not the ‘breathing’ alive, but the true alive. The smiling alive, the laughing alive: the alive where she could feel safe in his arms. “Um… can February March? No, but April May.” 

Joel snickered, looking back at Ellie with a grin. Slowly, they approached the ‘new territory.’ This time, it was a restaurant. And Ellie swallowed. She took Joel’s hand and he looked back, seeing her subtle distraught at a restaurant. “It’s okay, kiddo… I’m right here.” 

Ellie thought she heard a twig snap behind her, but she ignored it. She pawned it off as her trauma resurfacing for a minute.  _ Joel said that I had PTSD. I wouldn’t let him tell those doctors… maybe I should’ve. No… things happen and we move on. Yeah… yeah.  _ Tommy had gotten pills for Ellie, for her nightmares. They helped… but nothing could keep them away forever. But, Ellie shut her eyes, taking a deep sigh and shaking her head. “I’m fine.” Ellie whispered, digging her head into Joel’s shoulder as he moved them closer to the restaurant, looking back at Ellie while he rode. 

“Alright… if you want, we can go back. Tommy could always-”

“No, I’m fine, I promise.” Ellie whispered, looking up at the sign of the restaurant and cringing.  _ We’re in Jackson and we’re fine, Ellie. So, why won’t this just fuck off?  _ Finally, Joel tied Shimmer up on one of the posts of the restaurant. Ellie took his hand, keeping herself close to him and entwining his fingers in hers. “At least this place is smaller.” Ellie whispered, looking around the restaurant and almost expecting something to jump out at her. Ellie  _ swore  _ she could hear footsteps outside, but she didn’t want to think of hunters, and she wasn’t in the best mental state, so she just shrugged it off. 

“Hey, Ellie. Here’s one: a gun only does its job after it’s fired.” It took Ellie a second for her to get it, but she giggled once she did. Joel smiled, thankful she was laughing. He was trying desperately to distract her. If Joel knew they’d be going into a restaurant, he would’ve told Tommy: ‘find somewhere else.’ 

“Hey, Joel, look.” Ellie pointed up towards a guitar hung on the restaurant’s wall. “Think it’s still good?” Ellie smiled, watching Joel reach up and run his hands on the strings, but one of them broke under his grip. “Guess that’s a no, then.” They continued walking through the restaurant, Ellie making small remarks, but staying mostly silent. This patrol was quieter than the last, and Joel kept their hands entwined. They laughed at graffiti covering the bathroom stalls, Ellie cackling at a dick drawn onto the plastic. 

“You people were so fucking weird.” Ellie smiled, taking her own pen from her bag and leaning down, scratching her name onto the tiled wall. “There we go…” Joel smiled, messing her hair and getting a small growl from her. 

She tidied it once again, reaching up and throwing his hair everywhere, but his only response was a chuckle. And still, Ellie smiled. 

Joel grinned, putting his hand back in Ellie’s grip and leading them through the restaurant. She had her gun in her right hand, rubbing the metal of her pistol gently and boring her nails into the material. A small bump sounded in the restaurant and Ellie’s sight jerked away from the guitar, moving to the kitchen, where the noise had originated from. “Safety’s off.” Joel ordered softly, releasing her hand and getting his rifle from his bag. 

Ellie nodded, switching the safety off and pulling back the handle of the gun, cocking it. Joel led them, protecting Ellie with his left arm and holding his gun in the other. “Stay behind me.” Joel whispered, not seeing the weak roof of the restaurant. The structure had been overgrown with moss and the roof was barely holding itself up… maybe that was why it happened. At first, Joel heard a small crunch. Then he looked up and saw the roof above him moving. Joel’s eyes widened, and he felt Ellie’s presence behind him. She didn’t notice the ceiling slowly coming down and Joel suddenly pushed her out of the way, trying to move himself, but it was too late. “ _ ELLIE, MOVE _ !” 

Rubble collapsed onto his lower half and he let out a roar of pain. Almost one hundred pounds suddenly came crashed down onto him, landing below his waist. The first thing he heard was his own growls of pain, then Ellie screaming his name. The air had been dusted in a thin layer of airy debris and a little bit of smoky dirt. “ _ JOEL _ !” She screamed, landing against the ground and seeing everything happen. 

It happened slowly, then all at once. She was thrown on the ground and Joel yelled, trying to pry the weight off of him and looking down towards the near boulders covering his legs. It all happened so quick, they’d  _ just  _ walked into the restaurant. Usually, it took longer for their lives to be endangered, but he found a sharp pain in his knee and what felt like blood covering his left leg. “Joel! Joel, hey.” Ellie regained herself, running towards him and positioning his face and brushing his messy hair out of his face. 

“Shit…” He whispered, pushing his arms against the rubble but still, it barely budged. “Ellie, get… you gotta pry… pry it off. Before it collapses.” It all happened so suddenly and she was in a state of shock. It never happened this quick, they had  _ just left.  _ She nodded obsessively, looking around. “We need… need to get out. Before… it all comes… down.” Joel grunted, using his strength to keep the rest of the rubble from taking him completely. He needed to buy Ellie time to get it off of him. 

A part of the rubble had ripped through his jeans, digging into his lower leg and making blood slowly crawl from his leg. Ellie felt tears pricking her eyes but she shook them away, looking for something to pry the rubble off. “Fuck, fuck.” She whimpered, seeing an iron bar and sprinting towards it, picking it up and dragging it back towards Joel. “Okay, you gotta help me out here, okay, Joel? Please.” Her voice was desperate, mostly because she saw the blood draining from his leg. 

Shock coated her and she dug the bar under the rubble, pressing her weight on the opposite end. It lifted slightly and she pressed all of her weight on it, moving to get Joel out. She moved her arms under his back and embedded them between his armpits, pulling him out in a struggle. “Come on, come on.” Ellie cried, desperately trying to get him out. He pushed his arms back, slightly helping her. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” Ellie chanted, seeing the mess of blood just below his knee. He’d have a slight limp if not treated right. 

He knew that with the amount of blood he was losing, he was at risk of passing out. “Ellie, get… get us out.” Joel murmured and she nodded, slinging her arm under his and slowly lifting him up, tears spilling down her cheeks. “It’s… okay.” He whispered, trying to comfort her. She shook her head, taking his back and slinging it over her left arm, using her right to help Joel limp out.   
“Come on, Joel. We’re alright.” She swore to him but suddenly, just as they were limping out of the restaurant, Joel fell onto the street, as Ellie had been jumped by a clicker. 

“E-Ellie.” He reached for her, hearing her scream. Ellie took her knife, thrashing it into his throat and growling. She tossed the body aside like it was nothing and sprinted back to Joel. They were outside, so they were safe from the restaurant collapsing once again. “Ellie…”

“Sh, just stay awake, okay?” Ellie asked him, holding her hand and framing his face. “Just stay right here, I can fix this. I’m going to fix this.” Ellie nodded, pulling up Joel’s right pant leg, bunching it to his knee. “Shit.” She cursed, seeing a deep gash in the middle of his leg. It had come when the rock was bashed against his leg. Shock was still living in Ellie:  _ they had just gotten in. How had things gone to shit so quickly?  _ “Hey, I’m going to get you back, just stay right here, Joel.” 

Joel weakly nodded, staying awake, but barely. “Pressure…” Joel whispered, ordering her with single words. Ellie nodded, taking a roll of gauze from her bag and pressing it against Joel’s leg with pressure, slowly the bleeding for just a second.  _ I need to sew this, stay frosty, Ellie. You need to do this, or Joel dies.  _ “Get… get back to Jackson.” Joel tried to shush his pain, knowing it’d just haunt Ellie more to hear his cries of discomfort. 

“Sew it…” He murmured weakly, his consciousness slowly fading. Ellie nodded, getting a needle and string from her bag and threading the needle, tears spilling down her cheeks. Dirt and smoky debris were thinly dusting both of them due to the collapse and when Ellie looked back to the restaurant, she noticed another part had seemingly fallen. He closed his eyes for a second and Ellie’s eyes widened. She slapped him gently, but it barely even made a sound; it was so soft. 

“Hey.” She whispered, seeing that he’d gone still. “ _ Joel. _ ” She hissed, trying to sew the skin together and stop the bleeding while tears streamed down her cheeks. His blood covered her hands and she wanted to suddenly puke. Bile rose in her throat but she pushed it down, fighting the urge to vomit. “Joel, you can’t leave me… you said you wouldn’t leave me, you promised, so get the  _ fuck  _ up right now.” Ellie ordered him and to her surprise, it actually worked. He stirred, his eyes barely open. The bleeding was profuse and she exhaled, caressing his face. “Please, stay right here. Please don’t leave.” 

“Okay.” Joel whispered, trying to take her hand. Her tears dripped onto his face and he cringed, trying to comfort her, but he was too tired. She looked into his eyes, her desperation speaking. For the first time ever, she shook him off. Ellie pressed the needle into his skin, taking it through and looping it back again. He growled in pain, shutting his eyes. He tried to keep quiet, knowing if he were to  _ scream _ , Ellie would be able to hear that for months. He could still remember Sarah’s crying, even twenty years later… or Ellie’s screams and sobs during Winter.  _ Sew it closed and get him home. The bleeding isn't that bad, he’s just in shock… yeah. Get us home, Ellie.  _

Finally, she finished the last stitch and closed it off, slowing the bleeding and finally letting it cease. Her blood-stained hands grabbed for her canteen and she poured it onto a rag, washing the blood from his leg and trying to make him more comfortable. “Joel, how we doing?” Ellie asked, hovering her face over his and looking into his eyes desperately. 

_ Stay awake. For her… you can do this, Joel. Just keep going.  _ “Better…” Joel grumbled in pain, trying to make her feel better. Ellie nodded, running off to get Shimmer momentarily. Joel watched her, pain roaring in his leg.  _ Stay… awake. Stay awake. _ “Ellie…” He called for her, feeling his consciousness begin to dim. “Ellie…”

“Sh, sh.” She hushed him gently, looking down at him. “Save your strength, okay? Just stay right here, Dad.” Ellie begged him desperately, slowly bringing him up again. Joel’s leg screamed against standing but Ellie kept him up, fighting with her life and finally getting him on Shimmer. She climbed up, seeing a blood stain where he’d been laying on the street. She mounted in front of him, putting his arms around her waist and tying his hands around her to keep him on. “Shimmer, go.” Ellie ordered, sending the horse into a near gallop and driving them back towards Jackson, tears running down her face.  _ Stay awake.  _

\------------------------------------------------

They had arrived, Jackson was right in front of them. Ellie felt relief run through her when she realized Faye wasn’t on patrol anymore and this time, it was Tommy. She whimpered, looking up towards Tommy and yelling his name, dropping off of the horse and leading Shimmer towards the wall with the reins. Joel slumped over, his body already unconscious. Ellie was covered in his blood and she was crying. “Ellie?”

“Please, he’s bleeding, I don’t know what to do.” Ellie spoke in rambles and Tommy climbed down, instantly opening the gate and taking the reins from Ellie. She ran into his arms, crying into Tommy’s grip. He looked to Shimmer, seeing Joel’s weak frame on the horse. “It was so quick, we… we were in there and everything came down, and he was under…” Ellie’s language was fragmented and nothing clear came across. 

“It’s okay, Ellie.” Tommy whispered, gently taking Ellie from his arms and looking to Joel, seeing the blood subtly dripping from his leg. Ellie had stopped the bleeding, for the most part. Tommy gulped, leading Joel towards the hospital and trying to comfort Ellie. She had gotten back on the horse with Joel, crying in his shoulder and trying -with no avail- to wake him. “It’s alright.” Tommy quickly led them toward the hospital, somewhere that didn’t hold good memories for Ellie or Joel. 

Joel’s breathing was quick and she cringed, knowing he was in pain. She rubbed his back, just like he did when she had nightmares.  _ We were fine this morning… he was fine this morning. I was fine this morning. How did all of this happen? How did I let this happen? It was all so quick.  _ She held him and Tommy tapped her. She looked up, seeing that they had made it to the hospital. “It’s okay, he’s going to be okay, we just need ta get him in, Ellie.” Ellie nodded, wiping her eyes and letting Tommy go. Doctors emerged from the hospital and they took Joel from the horse, separating them. Ellie moved to follow the stretcher they wheeled Joel in on but Tommy took her hand, shaking his head. “C’mon, you should clean up, you’ve got blood all over you.” 

“No, I’m not leaving him.”  _ He wouldn’t leave me.  _ Ellie asserted him, ripping from Tommy’s grip and moving into the hospital, seeing Joel’s stretcher. She ran down towards it, blood still covering her and tears streaming down her face. She must’ve looked mad. When she tried to follow into a room they had taken Joel to, a doctor blocked her. “Let me in there-”

“No, sweetie, he’s being taken into surgery, you’ll just make it harder for the-”

“I don’t care, let me in there.” Ellie hissed, trying to move past the doctor but she blocked him again. Ellie pushed against the doctor but suddenly, Tommy grabbed her hand, apologizing to the doctor, who disappeared into the room. She saw a glimpse of Joel and his bloody leg. “Tommy, I need to be with him.” Ellie begged, looking through the glass of the door and seeing Joel on the stretcher. The doctors were taking out the stitches she’d temporarily put in. He looked like he was in so much pain. 

Ellie felt a hard, cold shock running through her. It’d all gone to shit so quickly. With Joel in there, the doctors slowly picking him apart. _Was this what Joel felt in Salt Lake?_ It was like one of her limbs was missing, and she was frozen in that spot in front of the door. “Ellie. C’mon, you can’t do anything to help him right now.” Tommy promised her, taking her hand and nearly dragging her away from the door. “Ellie. He’s gon’ be fine, it ain’t that bad.”  
She knew it wasn’t fatal… but the blood on her hands and her clothing made her feel sick. She wanted to scrub it until her skin bled, it felt dirty having Joel’s blood on her. She took it as a metaphorical sign: it was her fault. She should’ve said yes when he offered for them to turn back. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ Ellie yelled in her head, letting Tommy pull her along, but she wasn’t listening to anything he was saying. 

The brother looked concerned as well, and even a little scared, but he was pushing it down and focusing on Ellie’s blood, shaking figure. She sat in one of the chair’s just outside Joel’s room, not planning to move until he was okay. He always stayed right by her side when she was sick, if she wasn’t feeling well, mentally or physically. And she intended to do the exact same thing. Ellie didn’t plan on moving anywhere, but Tommy disagreed. “Ellie, you’ve got blood coverin’ you, you need to clean up.” 

“No. I’m staying right here.” Ellie stated and Tommy knew he wouldn’t be able to change anything about that. Joel was protective of Ellie, but it was nothing compared to Ellie. She’d lost so many people: Tess, Sam, Henry, Riley, Wintston, dozens of her friends back at the school, Marlene, her  _ childhood.  _ She wasn’t going to lose Joel, so she was overprotective of him, very much so. 

Ellie looked down at her hands. She could barely see the skin anymore, it’d been covered in Joel’s blood. A tear dripped from her eyes, landing on her palms and washing off a smidge of the coppery blood. Tommy kneeled in front of her, but she was scrubbing her hands against each other, trying desperately to get the blood off. “Ellie. He’s gon need some new clothes anyway, and you need to wash up. Go.” Tommy ordered and Ellie sighed, only agreeing to get Joel new clothes, if it would make him comfortable. 

“Fine.” Ellie whispered, her voice broken. She slowly stood, trudging out of the hospital and breaking herself from Tommy. Fresh air ran through her face, but she sunk her lower.  _ I should return Shimmer.  _ Ellie thought, taking the horse’s reins and leading it towards the ranch, hoping Dina and Jesse weren’t there. Maybe she’d just leave Shimmer outside and knock on the door: she didn’t want to talk right now. Ellie wanted to be back by Joel’s side, she wanted to be in that room with him, trying to ease his pain in any way. He’d do the same for her, he’d break through that door for her. 

Ellie tied Shimmer to the ranch’s fence and turned to go back to their house, a dead expression on her face. But then, she heard the door open, but she didn’t turn around. Her jeans and the hem of her hoodies were coated in blood, and the tips of her ponytail had been crusted as well with Joel’s blood. She felt disgusting. “Ellie?” It was Jesse’s voice and she heard the hitch of his breath. Ellie turned around, letting Jesse see her blood-covered hands. He moved towards her and suddenly, she just ran into him, making him hug her. “What happened?” 

“Joel, he… he got hurt. During patrol… entire fucking building came down on us, he-he pushed me out of the way.” Ellie spoke in rambles, but one message came across:  _ Joel isn’t okay… because of me.  _ Jesse tied his arms around her, clearly caught off guard. She silently cried in him, feeling weak. She hadn’t ever cried in front of him, beside the previous night. But her relationship with both Jesse and Dina was growing, and it made her feel like she had someone to rely on beside Joel. “I… I need to go get clothes for him.” Ellie slowly separated herself from Jesse and he looked at her sadly. 

“Do you want me to come with you?” She hesitated, but finally shook her head. Ellie didn’t want him to see her cry again. “Are you sure?”

“Y-yeah. Thanks, though.” Ellie spoke in hushed whispers and without even saying farewell, she turned around, heading towards their house and trying to cease her crying. Ellie blamed herself, he pushed  _ her  _ out of the way. If she’d just looked up, she could’ve taken his place and he’d be okay.  _ He’s going to be fine, Ellie… it’s going to be fine. We’ll be okay.  _ Ellie tried to comfort herself and she tried to get the idea of Joel’s bloody body on that hospital bed out of her mind.  _ He’s okay.  _

Her hand twisted around the door knob and she shut the wooden door behind her, nearly slamming it. Ellie dropped Joel’s and her bags, which she’d been keeping on her back.  _ It took five minutes to get us back… what if I was too slow?  _ Ellie asked herself, taking her hoodie off and laying it in the laundry basket. It was covered in blood and she looked down at her own hands. Suddenly, Ellie ran to the bathroom, leaning over the toilet and hurling into it, feeling sick. She continued until finally, it ceased and she could breathe. Her small hand reached the handle and she flushed the toilet, slowly standing.  _ Come on… just get him his clothes. We’ll be okay.  _

She slowly treaded upstairs, reaching his room -or really, theirs- and opening the door. It smelled like him and she cringed, shutting her eyes.  _ “Ellie, move!” Joel pushed her out of the way, letting the rubble fall on himself.  _ Why did he sacrifice himself for her? Why would anyone do that… for her? She pulled open one of his drawers, throwing two of each article of clothing into a bag and sniffling. She didn’t allow herself to change, but she wanted to wash the blood from her hands. Her jeans were still coated in him and Ellie shut her eyes. She traveled to the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror. A smear of blood lived on her cheek and her hands and jeans looked as if they’d originally been colored red. She took a rag and turned on the water, pushing her palms under it and scrubbing the skin, making it red. 

The blood slowly came off but she kept scrubbing until it hurt. Finally, she ceased, wiping the dot of blood from her face and throwing the rag behind her in rage. Tears still spilled down her cheek and she exhaled and inhaled quickly. Ellie tied her hair back, washing it under the water and loosening the crusty blood from it before fastening it once again in a ponytail. _I need to get back. Maybe they’re done with him… maybe I can see him._  
Ellie quickly rushed towards the hospital once again, the bag with Joel’s clothing in her hands. She still wore her blood covered jeans, but she didn’t care if anyone was staring at her. All she could think about was Joel. _Is he in pain? Does he want me there? Is he awake? Could I’ve done something?_ Ellie broke the door to the hospital open, seeing it was slightly less crowded than before. The door to Joel wasn’t blocked and Tommy was sitting in the seat she had been minutes ago. 

He frowned, seeing she was still wearing her blood jeans, but at least her skin and shirt was clear of her father’s own blood. “Ellie-”

“Can I see him? Are they done with him?” Ellie asked, the bag of clothes in a plastic bag in her hand. Tommy sighed, but dipped his head, nodding. He knew that there was no talking to Ellie when Joel was injured. He’d learned that during their time in Jackson. It must’ve been four or five months since they’d arrived, and they actually felt -almost- at home. Ellie rushed towards the room, breaking the door open and letting out a shuddered breath. Joel was still unconscious, but he was alive. His leg was under the blankets and she was glad she didn’t have to see it. 

Ellie sat on the edge of his bed and she took his hand, rubbing it. It was slightly doused with blood and she rubbed it off, looking at his shut eyes. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, laying down beside him on the bed and gently putting his arms around her, trying not to disturb him.  _ Please wake up.  _ Ellie begged, hiding her head into Joel’s chest. Her legs were scrunched onto the bed and she began to weep silently in his arms, terrified. What if he didn’t wake up? She laid her head on his chest, hearing each beat of his heart. What if it just… stopped? What would she do then? Would she want to even keep living? She knew the answer to that. 

_ “Joel, you can’t leave me. You said you wouldn’t leave me, I’m not letting you, so get the fuck up.”  _ She remembered her words from when she’d first pulled him out of the restaurant. Ellie shut her eyes, trying to pretend Joel was okay and that he was awake, but he wasn’t.  _ Can he hear me _ ? She could hear Joel calling her back during her nightmares, so maybe she could hear him. Ellie sat up, sitting beside Joel on the medium-sized bed and looking into his eyes, dry tears on her skin. “I don’t know if you can hear me… I don’t know if you’re even going to be up today, but… it’s going to be okay, Dad. We’re going to be okay. Just stay right here.” Ellie whispered, pressing her forehead against Joel’s and hiding her face in the crook of his neck. “Please wake up. Don’t leave.” Ellie whispered, anxiety and panic still muted in her body. 

Whenever Joel was hurt, Ellie sealed herself off until he returned to her. “Just wake up.” Ellie whispered, laying down in his arms again and shutting her eyes, covering both of them with a thin blanket that laid at Joel’s feet. 

A continuous beeping ran through the air, since Joel’s heartbeat was set up onto a monitor beside his bed. Ellie treated it like a lullaby, imagining Joel singing to her. She opened her lips, wanting to ease his pain if he truly could hear her. “ _ Ol' man river… that ol' man river. He don't say nothing, but he must know something.” _ Ellie sang softly, placing her head atop his chest and making him surround her with his arms. “ _ Cause he just keeps rolling. He keeps rolling along, rollin' along. He don't plant tators. He don't plant cotton.”  _ She hummed, looking into his closed eyes and waiting for them to crack open. 

She took his hand, squeezing it and trying to comfort him. His breaths were long now, and drawn out. But his jaw clenched and his fists squeezed every now and then…  _ he’s in pain.  _ Ellie cringed, wishing she could take his place. She’d been hurt so much during their time together and she hated herself for it, because if he felt like  _ this  _ every time… fuck. “ _ Them that plants 'em is soon forgotten, but ol' man river, he keeps rolling along. You and me: we sweat and strain… Body all aching and wracked with pain. Tote that barge…”  _ She ended the song, looking into his eyes and looking down, sighing. Ellie placed her head in his chest, crying softly and making a wet spot on his shirt. She was deafened by her soft cries, not noticing a shuffle that ran through the room. 

Ellie’s hand was in his and her weeping was soft. Joel slowly awoke, seeing her hiding in his arms and crying. He cringed, remembering everything that had happened: 

_ “Shimmer, faster!” Ellie ordered, crying when the horse barely accelerated. Joel was slumped over on her, almost making her fall over. “Joel, stay awake, please.” Ellie begged, looking back at him and seeing her weakly looking up towards her. “Hey… you promised you wouldn’t leave, so stay awake. You promised… stay awake.” Ellie begged him, throwing the reins against Shimmer but she was already going as quick as possible.  _

_ “I… I know… I’m staying.” Joel whispered, looking down at his leg and cursing under his breath. “Shit.” He murmured, not giving Ellie an ounce at comfort. If  _ he  _ had lost hope, she felt blind.  _ I’m trying, baby… I’m trying.  _ “Get… to Tommy.” Joel muttered, his consciousness beginning to fade and he fell onto Ellie.  _

_ “Joel. Joel, please get up.” Ellie begged, looking back at him and seeing his eyes had closed. His leg was dripping blood and she felt her lungs almost cave in on her. “Hey, Dad. Dad.” Ellie begged. He could still hear her, that was the worst part. His body had submitted to sleep, but his mind hadn’t and he could hear her sobbing and begging for him to wake up. “Joel, please. Please don’t leave.” Ellie cried, and slowly,  _ the memory faded into darkness. 

Joel let out a small exhale and opened his eyes, clenching Ellie’s hand and squeezing it, trying to get words out. “Ellie…” He whispered, his eyes shutting and opening. Ellie’s head snapped up and he met her puffy eyes. Ellie let out a shudder and suddenly took Joel into a tight hug, squeezing him hard. 

“Dad.” Ellie whispered, her voice muffled since she had dug her head into the crook of his neck. He nodded, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly. 

“It’s okay now.” He whispered weakly, trying to comfort her. She almost smiled at how  _ he  _ was trying to make  _ her _ feel better, when he’d just recovered from a half ton landed onto his body. Joel stroked her hair gently, pain radiating in his body. Her crying ceased and she sniffled, wiping her eyes. “It’s alright, baby girl.” Joel murmured softly, not having the strength to raise his voice any higher. 

Ellie shook her head, surfacing from his chest and holding his face in her shaky hands. “Are you okay? Do you want me to go get one of the doctors, I-”  
Joel shook his head, holding her and letting her lay beside him, nestling her head on his chest. “Just stay right here.” He noticed with a churn in his stomach that his blood covered her jeans and boots, and she looked like she’d been sick. “Stay with me.” Joel asked, and Ellie nodded, hugging him once again. 

She wanted to comfort him, but she didn’t know how. So, she just hugged him until the pain in his breathing slowly faded away. “We’re safe now.” Ellie promised him and he smiled, wondering how he’d gotten from living as a dead man to being baby-talked by a kid. “You need to stay off that leg.” Ellie separated herself from Joel and slowly pulled the blankets off of him, pulling his pant leg up and inspecting the wound. 

It had been wrapped in bandages and looked cleaner than it had when she’d sewed it up. Did Ellie hurt him by doing that? Should she have left it for the doctors? “It looks better now.” Ellie whispered, looking up to him and covering him again. Joel took her hand and she sat beside him on the bed, wiping her eyes. “It’s alright, baby girl… you did good gettin’ me back.”   
Ellie nodded, covering them with the thin blanket and shutting her eyes, holding her head on Joel’s chest and listening to his heartbeat. It was slower now that he was awake, and that meant it hadn’t been a peaceful sleep. Ellie screwed her eyes shut tightly, cursing under breath. “Get some rest, Ellie… reckon you saved my life.” Joel whispered, stroking her hair gently. The deep gash was just below his knee, so his leg was stark and straight, since bending it made it worse. Ellie was on his right side, and his left was the one that was injured. 

_ “I’m really glad you’re okay. _ ” Ellie whispered, Joel’s arms wrapping around her and holding her tightly, pressing her to him. He nodded, brushing her slightly bloody hair with his hands gently, sorting out the knots and making it clean again. She still had blood covering her legs and Joel exhaled, hoping they’d be able to go home soon, for both of their sakes. 

“I know, baby… I love you.” He murmured softly, stroking her back. She slowly fell into sleep, not before returning his sentence. 

“I love you, too, Joel.” Ellie whispered quietly, hiding her head below Joel’s chin and feeling his beard scratch the top of her head. Joel looked down, watching the small girl slowly fade into sleep in his grip. He never thanked her… Joel was sure he would’ve bled out. The rock had dug almost three inches into his leg, with a length of almost half a foot. It hurt like hell, but he didn’t want her to worry.  _ We’re okay now.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took forever to write! I liked how this came out, so i hope you guys enjoyed it <3 requests are open right now, so if you want a specific thing for a chapter, feel free to ask me :3 thanks so much to everyone for reading! comments and kudos are very appreciated! there should be an update in 1-3 days, so yeah :D. have an amazing day everyone!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Riley's anniversary.

It had been two days… _and it was Riley’s anniversary._ Joel knew what the day meant to her, but surprisingly, it had been anticlimactic. Ellie sealed herself up and didn’t let herself feel anything for the day. Joel had acquired a limp and despite his fighting, Ellie all but chained him to the couch, fearful he’d only make his scar worse. He smiled at how concerned she was, it was cute. Whenever he tried to get up, her nose would scrunch up and she’d glare at him, gently pushing her father back down. “Ellie, I think I can handle walkin’.” Joel teased, trying to get up but once again, she pushed him back down onto the couch. 

Since he was hurt, she’d been the one cooking and she’d been the one pulling the weight, and it made Joel feel guilty. Right now, it was around six or seven. Ellie was cooking them food. She was trying hard, and it was showing. She was actually somewhat good at cooking, Joel realized, and she smiled at that. “Yeah, let’s just wait ‘till you fall on your ass, Joel.” Normally, she’d smile, but for that day, she was sentenced to be miserable. Joel frowned, sighing. None of his usual tricks were working. No jokes, no laughs from her. She was moving through the day on autopilot and she just wanted it to be over. “That doctor lady said you need you’re not allowed to walk around, Joel.” Ellie said strictly, looking back at him and switching the sausages cooking above the oven over. 

Joel sighed, but a smile lived on his lips. He knew if he really wanted to he could get up and walk around, but it was cute how fierce and sassy Ellie was to him, he thought it was adorable. “Damn, cranky today.” Joel joked, watching her spoon the food onto two plates and get utensils from the drawer. Ellie rolled her eyes, but still, there was no smile or giggle, nothing she’d usually show. “Y’know, you’re pretty good at this, kiddo.” Ellie’s eyes twinkled and she actually let a smile curl on her lips. Joel treated that as a victory.. She handed him a plate, watching the television and sighing. She was tired, but she didn’t care. Joel was okay, and she wasn’t ever going to let anything happen again. 

After they’d eaten, an abrupt knock on the door made Ellie jump, but she was in Joel’s arms. They were watching television, another one of the cartoons Ellie had discovered. Apparently, just before the world went to shit, they’d made a cartoon of Triple Phoenix… and Ellie rewatched each episode ten times. Joel was still trying to track down a movie he’d seen posters for littering Salt Lake… it was of those comics he knew she loved so much. 

Joel squeezed her hand. She still was very jumpy, both after Winter and Chase. Eventually, she got up to see who it was, hiding her frown when she opened it and saw the guard -Faye- smiling back at her. Whenever Joel wasn’t around, she treated Ellie much differently. When Faye saw Joel on the couch, a mask slipped up and she greeted Ellie with a smile. Joel smirked and cursed under his breath with a smile when he saw Faye. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to like someone, not after Sarah’s mother, and losing Sarah. Though, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to have a daughter again, and then Ellie came along. 

Ellie seemed to like her, which Joel needed. If Ellie didn’t like her, he would respect that and back off. He needed her to be comfortable, and she seemed to be, so he allowed himself. “Hey, Ellie. I heard what happened, wanted to check up on your dad.” Her voice was too positive and her smile was too large, like it was fake, and what laid behind was the exact opposite. It had the same effect with Joel, just he didn’t notice it. 

“Oh, yeah, he’s fine.” Ellie faked a smile, but the woman suddenly pushed past Ellie, barging her way into the house. _Or just come in._ Ellie thought, watching the woman sit by Joel and they began to strike up a conversation. _It’s like he’s blind… I don’t want to disappoint him, even if she’s so fucking weird… and scary._ Part of Ellie feared the woman, everything she said was an empty threat and after Winter, she was more jumpy than usual. “Okay, I’ll, uh… give you two lovebirds space.” Ellie nodded, walking upstairs and for one of the first times, going into her room and shutting the door. Ellie slipped the headphones of her walkman on, blasting the music that Maria had given her. _Genesis… sounds cool._ Ellie thought, hearing the lyrics blast through her ears. “ _Creeping up the blind side, shinning up the wall. Stealing through the dark of night, climbing through a window. Stepping to the floor, checking to the left and the right. Picking up the pieces, putting them away. Something doesn't feel quite right.”_

Ellie nodded her head to the rhythm, sighing and falling against her bed, taking her sketchbook from her bag and taking her pen, drawing the pen across the pen. She’d gifted Joel with a drawing and he loved it so much he hung it on the shelf the television sat on. Ellie loved him.” _Help me someone, let me out of here. Then out of the dark was suddenly heard: ‘Welcome to the home by the sea.’”_ Ellie shut her eyes, sighing and continuing her drawing. The music drowned out the laughter emerging from downstairs. 

Don’t get it wrong, Ellie was _so_ happy that Joel seemed to be lighter in Jackson, and his spirit had lifted now that Tommy was back in his life, and this new woman, but… something felt wrong about her. Ellie just didn’t have the heart to tell Joel, he looked so happy with her. The woman was threatening, and part of Ellie feared her. She just hoped Joel didn’t get up during her visit. And soon, that question was answered for her. A small bump emerged from downstairs and Ellie’s headphones came off. She stuck her head out of the door and left her walkman by the steps, the blasting music still audible from the first floor. “Joel!” Ellie gasped, seeing he’d fallen over beside the couch. Faye was standing beside his body, shocked. Ellie rushed towards him, placing his arm over her shoulder and hoisting him up, getting him back towards the couch. “I told you to stay on the fucking couch.” She growled at him and he smiled, holding his hands up in surrender. 

“Yes, maam.” He smiled, sitting back on the couch. She pulled his pant leg up, inspecting the slightly healed wound. It had scarred well, and every now and then, she had to re-bandage it, but the doctors had stitched him up well. “Ellie, it’s fine.” He smiled, his face a shade of red. He gently took her hand and pulled his jean leg back down to his ankle, looking up at Faye with an embarrassed face. They’d been dancing and he tumbled over, a shoot of pain running through his leg. 

“Are you okay?” Ellie asked, looking up towards him and then back towards Faye with a low expression. Joel chuckled, pushing her off gently. 

“I’m fine, baby… go relax, I’ll be fine.” Joel whispered to her, cupping her face with a hand before letting her go. She sighed, looking at the woman beside him again. She was… watching Ellie, but not like a normal person, like an eagle watched a fish squirm in its claws before beheading it. “I promise.” He spoke, looking in her eyes with a small smile. She sighed, retreating upstairs and taking her walkman from the steps. She shut the door again, trapped with her thoughts. 

_What if I told her ‘no’?_ Ellie finally broke her shields, letting Riley’s anniversary wash over her. It was her fault, she knew that. Riley asked her if she wanted to leave, and she said ‘no.’ Riley asked her if she wanted to go in the first place, and she said ‘no.’ If she only said ‘yes, I want you to live,’ Riley might still be okay. Ellie sighed, slipping her headset back on and listening to the lyrics, trying to drown out her thoughts. _“Images of sorrow, pictures of delight. Things that go to make up a life endless days of summer, longer nights of gloom… Waiting for the morning light. Scenes of unimportant, photos in a frame. Things that go to make up a life.”_

She raised the volume, making it blast and almost hurt her ears. Ellie shut her eyes, taking her pillow and squeezing it. She faced the wall, shutting her eyes and sighing. Ellie didn’t hear the door close downstairs and she didn’t hear footsteps up the stairs. A sigh ran through her and she clenched her hands against the pillow, frowning. _Why am I alive? Why’d she get Infected and not me? It should’ve been me…_

The worst part was, a tiny _sliver_ of Ellie was almost relieved it happened. If Riley hadn’t died, she wouldn’t be Immune and Joel and her _never_ would’ve met. It was Riley’s last gift to her: love… a father who would just hug her. Not for benefit, not for any reason, just because she needed someone to cry to, so he’d just take her in his arms and hold her until she didn’t need him to anymore.   
Suddenly, something grabbed her shoulder and she gasped, spinning around. When she saw Joel, she sighed, pouting. “You’re supposed to be in bed.” Ellie muttered, getting up to get him back to the couch, but he gently pushed her back down to the bed, sitting beside her. She wiped a tear from under her eye that had been resting on it from moments ago. She hoped Joel didn’t notice, but she knew he did. He noticed everything when it came to her. 

“You okay, kiddo?” Joel asked, wiping her cheek and looking in her eyes. Ellie nodded, lying instantly and faking a smile. She’d been busying herself with taking care of Joel, almost swarming herself in it just to distract her mind. Riley died today, because of her… and she didn’t want to face that. So, anything she could do to distract herself was a hopeful solution. Blasting music until she couldn’t hear, working until she couldn’t think… _anything that would ease the pain._ “Ellie.” He pouted at her, seeing she was lying. 

She sighed, not responding and just sitting next to him, nestling her head in his shoulder. He exhaled, rubbing her back with his arm and letting her just hide in his arms… hide away from all of it and just feel him around her. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Ellie whispered, picking her head up and looking down at Joel’s leg. “You really should get back downstairs, before your ass falls down the steps.” Ellie whispered and Joel smirked, but he didn’t let her go. He pulled her in, gently kissing the top of her head. Ellie sighed sadly, but still she didn’t say anything. 

But she didn’t need to. Joel knew what Riley meant to her… he felt the same with Tess, and hoped he could share that with Faye. Still, Ellie seemed odd whenever the woman approached, something Joel picked up on. He hoped Ellie liked her… “Hey. You can talk to me here, kiddo.” Joel looked in her eyes, but she didn’t return the gaze, just kept her head nestled in his shoulder. 

She was fine like this, just here with him. Ellie didn’t want to do anything… she just wanted to sit and be sad for the day. There was nothing anyone could do to make her feel better, that’s what she thought, anyway. “Yeah, I know.” Ellie responded softly, but she still didn’t say anything. Joel stroked her back gently, muted pain still drifting through his leg. But he ignored it. It couldn’t have been any worse timing. The entire summer was leading up to Riley’s death, and he’d been wanting to take her out of the town during it, to try and get some fresh air to clear her thoughts… but now he could barely walk -for the mean time- and he had never felt more useless. 

Ellie was screaming before him and he couldn’t do anything. It was chillingly silent, but Ellie didn’t notice. She was swarmed in her thoughts. The dim volume of her music could be heard due to its blasting volume. “Ellie.” Joel shook her slightly, imploring her to talk to him about what she was feeling and she sighed, thinking he was disappointed with her due to her silence. 

“I’m sorry.” Ellie whispered, pushing her head into the crook of his neck and taking in a deep breath, inhaling his smokey smell. “I just want today to be over.” Ellie admitted, her voice slightly muffled. Joel winced, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing her. “I don’t wanna talk about it.” Ellie murmured softly, trying to push the pain away and in the meantime, taking herself from Joel and laying down on the bed, taking her pillow and holding it again. Joel watched her sadly, drawing a piece of hair behind her ear with his hand gently. Finally, after almost a minute, she sighed, looking back towards him with tears shimmering in her eyes. “She asked me if I wanted to go… and I said ‘no.’ If I just told her yes… maybe things would be different.” 

The ‘what-if’s.’ Joel knew those all too well. What if they hadn’t taken the highway? What if Tommy didn’t separate from them? What if Joel took the gun? What if they just stayed at the house… maybe that was a wiser decision. “That ain’t on you, Ellie.” Ellie shrugged, tears falling down her cheeks. The freckles were magnified under the watery streams and Joel brushed her hair with his fingers, stroking her back gently with the other hand and trying to comfort her. 

“If I just told her to turn off the _fucking_ music. I was such an idiot. I knew what was out there and I let her play _fucking_ music.” Ellie cursed at herself, shutting her eyes. _How could I’ve been so fucking stupid? I_ knew _the Infected, I_ knew _how they worked. So why didn’t I tell her to shut it off._  
“You’re not stupid, Ellie. Everyone makes mistakes… do you know how many people have died because of me? Or Tommy? Maria? Maybe even your friends.” Joel explained to her, sitting beside her on the bed and leaning against the wall the bed was placed against. “ _Everyone’s_ made mistakes, Ellie. You ain’t alone in that. One mistakes isn’t who you are, baby girl.” Joel softly murmured to her, gently turning her around and making her look at him. 

_You mean when Tommy and you were hunters?_ Ellie asked, but she didn’t say it out loud. It was hard to imagine Joel being involved with such a toxic, disgusting group like hunters. Or Tommy, for that matter. Tommy was almost more caring than Joel, as he hadn’t lost as much as the elder Miller. Tommy wore his heart out on his sleeve, and openly cared about Ellie. When Joel had been injured, that first night they returned home, Tommy stayed with Ellie for the first few hours, to help her get Joel settled in, and to make sure she was okay. “I miss her so much.” Ellie whispered, sitting up and crossing her legs. Joel opened his arms and she dove in, small cries surfacing from her. He rubbed her back as she weeped, whispering comfort in her ear. “I loved her so much.” 

“I know, baby girl… I know.” Joel softly responded, stroking her gently and hugging her tightly. “It’s okay… it’s okay. It’s okay now.” Joel repeated over and over again, chanting it until she believed it. He pulled her from his grip momentarily, wiping her tears with the edge of his sleeve and looking into her emerald eyes. They shimmered with tears and sparks glistened behind the shiny level of tragedy. _She’s in a better place now. She’s at peace. Think of something, Joel, goddammit. She’s crying in your arms and you’re just standing there like an idiot._ He reprimanded himself, brushing her dark auburn hair into a pile and moving it behind her ears. “It’s okay. We’re okay now.” Pain was itching in his leg but he ignored it, comforting her until her crying slowly stopped. 

When she looked up, she expected to see Riley standing in the corner, but there was nothing… and that almost made her more scared. Ellie sealed herself off again, sighing and lying back in the bed, turning away from Joel. Joel’s eyebrows furrowed and he sighed, gently covering her with the blankets. “You should rest, before you make your leg worse.” Ellie whispered sadly, not facing him. Joel’s features scrunched together sadly and stroking her back gently before nodding, retreating downstairs. 

Joel knew that she didn’t want to talk about it, and he regretted his advice in Autumn: _‘things happen… and we move on._ ’ If he knew what would happen in Winter, or about Riley, he _never_ would’ve said that. Joel realized how toxic and hurtful that was for her now. _‘Joel, I want to talk about it.’ ‘Ellie, that’s enough.’ ‘You’re right… I’m sorry.’_ Maybe if he didn’t say that, she’d be more open with him. Maybe if Joel encouraged talking, Ellie would be a little less hurt… or she could open up to him.   
Both of them, but mostly Ellie, had a nasty tendency to put the world on their shoulders. Sarah died twenty years ago… and it still hurt like hell, but with Ellie, Joel slowly recovered and continued to do so. But, Ellie… Riley died a year ago. Henry and Sam not even a year, Marlene, a few months ago. Tess a little more. The wounds were still fresh, and the tragedy was at its peak. 

_Godammit, Joel… do something._ He reprimanded himself, sighing and sitting down on the couch, trying to think of something that could help Ellie. It wasn’t how he wanted the day to go, his injury had gotten in the way. He planned on making the day special for Ellie and wanted to try to distract her from Riley’s death. But now, she just sat in her room, trying to make the day go away any quicker… but it didn’t, it just made the day drip like molasses. Rain was tapping against the windows, which was appropriated considering the mood of the day.

Faye had left ten or so minutes ago. Joel was growing affection for the woman, the same he’d held for Sarah’s mother. Faye seemed compassionate, and it _seemed_ like Ellie liked her, which was really all that mattered. If Ellie didn’t like Faye, or was uncomfortable around her, Joel would back off. He needed Ellie to be happy, that was the only thing that mattered. And while she hadn’t really talked to him about Faye, and her body language was odd around the woman, Joel was too blinded with affection to notice. _I need to do something._ Joel thought, looking up the steps and seeing Ellie’s closed door. She had painted a mural on it, so now it resembled the stars in the sky. 

Joel stood slowly, careful not to topple over, and made his way towards the kitchen. On the fridge, a photo of Ellie and Shimmer rested and he smiled at it, rubbing the material gently. Ellie’s smile was so big and her hands were combing the horse’s mane. On the counter, a framed picture of Joel and Ellie sat and Joel picked it up, sighing then placing it back down. _I need to do something._ He repeated, hearing silence from the first floor. _She’s probably asleep._ Joel realized, trying to think of something, anything. He felt so useless. 

Suddenly, a series of pants came from the second floor and Joel’s heart broke, knowing that her short sleep hadn’t been a peaceful one. He crossed up the steps, stopping at Ellie’s room and knocking gently. He pressed the door open when he didn’t hear any protest and saw her sitting on the windowsill. The window was deep, protruding out of the house and having a seat where the wall would usually go if there was no window. She sat on it, staring out of the window with a thin layer of sweat covering her and tears on her cheeks. 

Joel’s chest pained and he slowly made his way towards her, sitting beside her on the window seat. Ellie almost barely noticed him until he took her hand, moving her face with his pointer finger carefully. “Ellie.” He whispered, but she knew what he wanted with the one call of her name. _Talk to me._ He was saying, screaming that sentence desperately with his gaze. 

Ellie shook her head, suddenly diving into Joel’s arms and letting tears stream from her eyes. Joel cringed, stroking her in an attempt to provide comfort, but it only made her feel guilty. _She felt okay._ Was she allowed to be okay after killing Riley? Why should she be allowed that when she took it away from so many people? “I’m right here, baby girl.” He spoke softly in her ear, making her hush for just a moment. Joel sighed, trying to think of something. She hid in his arms, sniffling and just making him hold her even if he didn’t want to. “When… when Sarah was alive…” He cringed at those words, sighing and remembering the times Sarah would come home in a fuss because of assholes at school. “This one time, some girl pushed her at school… on those playgrounds they used to have.” 

“What’d you do?” Ellie asked, looking up at him. Joel took it as a victory and caressed her cheek, brushing her skin gently and making her feel a little better. He smiled, looking down at her. 

“I didn’t do anything… Sarah went the next day… Sprained her wrist.” Ellie actually let out a giggle and looked up, smiling towards him. He seemed to have cheered her up, and he was instantly grateful for that. He just wanted to distract her, as he knew she didn’t want to talk about it. It was never an occasion, she wasn’t the one to start talking. It always had to be Joel… he wondered if he just had said something else… maybe it’d be different. _Things happen and we move on. Idiot._

“Badass.” Ellie laughed, her voice still quiet, but her crying had stopped. Joel considered it a victory and he gently laid them down on her bed again, covering her with the blanket again. She just begged her body to allow her to sleep and let the day be over. Dina and Jesse had come over the previous day after he’d seen Ellie covered in Joel’s blood the day before, to make sure she was okay. It was sweet. “I wanna sleep.” Ellie whispered, turning around and pressing her back into Joel’s chest. 

“Okay, kiddo. I’m right here.” Joel murmured, trying to prevent any more nightmares. Ellie nodded, closing her eyes as Joel slowly took her in his grip, holding her close and listening to her prolonged breaths. “Night, baby.” Ellie was already asleep, somehow keeping a peaceful state. _I miss Riley._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading everyone! there should be an update in 1-2 days! requests are open and i love hearing your feedback, so feel free to ask anything down in the comments. kudos/comments appreciated, and as always, have an amazing day! the climax of the story will be appearing in these next few chapters. after this, i maybe want to do another mini -kind of like a dlc thing- season of them in jackson when ellie is 17 (two years before part 2) and doing some more stuff, and some more of your requests then. bye now!


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter is coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, guys, so i was thinking this season would be a bit longer, maybe 30-32 chapters? Around that? is that okay with you guys or do you want me to shorten it down a bit? thanks - author chan

Even though it was only the end of November, Ellie had begun to prepare herself for having to live through Winter once again. She was afraid of going to sleep again. It had been around a month or two since Riley’s anniversary. It was almost six months since they’d made it to Jackson. Faye and Joel had grown closer, but Ellie still tried to avoid the woman as much as she could. Ellie thought Joel noticed something was up, but he was blinded by Faye. Faye and Joel had begun to go on patrols, and it made Ellie feel alienated, but Joel was happy, so she kept her mouth closed. 

The first hints of snow had begun to tease Ellie and Joel, and whenever it snowed, Ellie sealed herself in her room and just blasted music in her ears, almost as if it would mute her thoughts. Joel was forced to watch helplessly. He tried to get her out of the house as much as he could, just so that she had something else to do than sit in her thoughts. They were going around town. “Snow’s kinda pretty, ain’t it?” Joel asked, looking around at the thin layer dusting the ground. He looked down to Ellie, who was latching onto his hand and treating it like a lifeline. 

“I guess.” Ellie shrugged, looking up towards Joel and then looking back down at her footprints in the snow. Her hands were cold, but Joel’s hand surrounding hers kept her warm. Her father sighed, rubbing her palm and taking them through the town. He’d been teaching Ellie more and more how to play guitar, mostly to get her something to do. She’d also been going to the ranch more, trying to surround herself so that she didn’t have any spare time to think about what had transpired in Winter so long ago. “It’s too cold.” Ellie shivered, her breath displaying before her. It was two days before December started, and all of Jackson had been coated in a misty layer of Winter. 

Jesse and Dina were treating her oddly after she’d told them both what had happened. And of course, Tommy and Maria treated her like sugar glass, like she was about to break… maybe she was. “Y’know, Sarah, during Winter break, she’d invite all her friends over, they’d jus’ sit around the TV and watch movies all night. Reckon I didn’t get much sleep.” Joel chuckled, remembering the small circle of friends Sarah had. One of them had striking black hair and golden like eyes, and the second had electric purple hair, which is what peaked Sarah’s interest in the first place. 

“Got a surprise for you when we get back.” Ellie smiled subtly, sporting a confident expression on her face. His cheeks were red while both of their skin was pale due to the cold temperature. Ellie was dressed in a thick jacket and her jeans. A spot of Joel’s blood still lived on the back of her hiking boots. “I think you’re gonna lose your shit.”

“We’ll see.” Joel smiled, and they continued walking through the market. Ellie’s eyes widened and she suddenly ran towards a blanket by the side of the street. A dog laid on the rug and Ellie nestled her hands in the fur. There was no owner around, it was just the dog, but Ellie was in love. 

“Holy shit, look, Joel!” Ellie giggled, whispering love into the dog’s ear and stroking it, burying her freezing hands in the fur. “He’s such a cutie.” Ellie laughed, looking up at Joel again and seeing a large smile on his face. 

He bent beside Ellie, rubbing the dog while she smiled wildly, talking to it like it could understand. “We should get a puppy.” Ellie grinned, seeing Joel dip his head with a chuckle. He was glad that she was smiling, even with the beginnings of Winter starting to crawl up her spine. 

“Sarah wanted a dog. She wanted to name it Sherlock.” Ellie laughed, looking into the dog’s eyes before finally, it got up and trotted away. She sighed, getting up from her knees and brushing the snow off of it, cringing at the cold substance. “Had one when I was your age… named it Bear.” Joel fondly remembered the small puppy he used to have, well, not small. It was a St. Bernard, if he remembered correctly. It was almost the size of him, since he was just ten or eleven. “Ran off when I was a kid, though.” 

Ellie looked up to him, a giddy smile on her face. “Maybe he went and found the bears.” Ellie joked and he rolled his eyes, but a smirk was on his face. “Yeah, that was pretty bad.” Ellie admitted, her smile from the dog slowly fading away. Her cheeks were being gently pinched by the cold and she rubbed her hands together, blowing hot air into them. “Fuck, it’s freezing.” 

Joel slung his arms around her, holding her close to him while they retreated towards the house, which wasn’t too far away. The crunch of the snow under her weight brought back memories that Ellie didn’t want to recall and she shut her eyes, letting out a sigh. Joel looked down, frowning. They both knew what she was going through, but Ellie didn’t want to discuss it and Joel was too afraid to make it worse off for her. “Hey, so… reckon you never had snow in the QZ, huh?” 

“No, we weren’t allowed outside.” He cringed, hearing she was deprived from the simple right to fresh air or the simple gift of sunlight. He’d do  _ anything  _ to have allowed her to have a better early life. If only he could’ve gotten there earlier, if some entity told him of what was possible and sent Joel to that damn prison. 

“Okay, well, back in my day… Sarah and I always went out during Winter, to this park near us. And we’d make snowmen. You roll up a bunch of snow and push it up to make a snowman.” Joel explained, seeing her confused expression. Ellie suddenly laughed, contradicting her conserved personality that she’d grown in the beginning of Winter. “It’s true, it’s true. Sarah an’ her friends built a whole army of snowmen every winter.” Joel chuckled, remembering having to beg her to come back in. She took after him, she loved building and even wanted Joel to teach her how to carve. Still, she shared no interest in guitar, she loved all of that teenage music. 

Their eyes met for a second and Ellie grew a little warmer in the cold. “Can we make one, Joel?” Ellie asked, pleading with him and pulling his arm. He smiled, nodding his head. 

“Reckon we can head out once you show me this surprise.” Joel’s cheeks wrinkled when he smiled. He mussed her hair and she scowled, trying to fix the strands of hair that fell from her lazy ponytail. “Maria patrolled yesterday anyway, so it’ll be clear.” Joel had asked Tommy if they had Christmas trees in the town, and Tommy said yes. But, the tradition sounded ludicrous to Ellie.   
_“You want to put a fucking tree in the house?” Ellie laughed at him, looking towards the spot he’d emptied to place it. “Why?” She asked, eyeing Joel like he was a drug addict. All of his traditions were so confusing to him, since she’d never heard of them._

_ They didn’t celebrate holidays in school, it was military drills every day, all day. How much pressure does it take to break a neck, what’s the correct form for a semi-automatic pistol? Never hesitate, have no mercy. Riley kept her afloat… the months after Riley left were the ones she nearly didn’t get through. Ellie worried she’d need to use her knife for more than protection. “It’s a Christmas tree. Sarah loved these, you put it in your house, decorate it, and then you put presents under it for Christmas.”  _

“Y’know, they used to have this… thing, for Christmas. For kids, mostly.” Ellie looked up at him, blowing hot breath into her hands again and rubbing them together. “There was this, uh… character. It was kinda like a story. Pretty much, this man, Santa, he was the Saint of Christmas. Kids would believe he’d come to your house on Christmas and give the good kids presents.” 

Their gaze met for a second and before Joel could say anything more, Ellie nearly collapsed into a pile of giggles, snorts and laughs escaping her mouth. “What the fuck?” Ellie asked, grinning in confusion and trying to imagine what this ‘Santa’ looked like. She couldn’t even think of it, it sounded so obscene. “You people were so fucking weird, like… who even thought of this shit?” 

Joel smirked, seeing her laugh more until finally, the giggles slowly ceased. He shrugged, taking her hand again. Finally, they made it to the house and Ellie rushed ahead of him, opening the door and relishing the warmth inside. Joel had gotten Tommy to install radiators to keep the house warm, and the fireplace assisted them. “God, warmth!” Ellie cheered, stripping her jacket from her and leaving her small body in a thick hoodie. She rushed towards her bag, searching through it and seeing the surprise for Joel she’d seen. “Here, come here.” Ellie ordered, getting two mugs from the cabinets and not explaining it.   
“What’re you schemin’?” Joel teased, trying to look in the bag she had the ‘surprise’ in but she gently shoved him away, a smile on her face. “It’s not a bomb, is it?” He joked, seeing her grin grow slightly. 

Ellie hushed him, pressing his eyes shut and taking a breath. “Alright, close your eyes.” Ellie whispered, taking the surprise from her bag and smiling down at it. A bag of coffee beans rested in her palms and her lips curled up, her teeth being exposed.  _ He’s gonna love this.  _ She’d had to trade her pencils she used to draw, but she was willing to sacrifice it for Joel. “Okay… open.” She smiled, seeing him look down in her hands and seeing the coffee beans. 

His breath hitched and he took the bag from her, immediately smelling the coffee beans as if they were an old friend. “Do you like it?” She asked, an anxious look on her face. He looked towards her and suddenly, took her in a hug, chuckling. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.” She joked, feeling his arms near squeeze her to death. 

“This is amazin’.” Joel answered her, pulling away and opening the bag, placing it on the counter-top with a hungry, lasting smile. “How’d you get this, kiddo?” Joel asked, fingering the paper walls keeping the beans in. Finally, he began to make the coffee, employing the empty coffee machine that had sat in the corner of the kitchen, useless. 

“Traded some stuff for it… that new family that came to town.” Ellie answered, untying her boots and pulling another pair of socks onto her feet, as they were freezing. “God, I can’t wait for fucking Winter to be over.” Ellie remarked, rubbing her hands together and warming them up. The cold wasn’t the only terrible part of Winter… it was almost one year ago where David had… where David raped her. The nightmares were getting worse with each day the anniversary came. Ellie knew it was some time in December, but she didn’t remember the exact date, only because she didn’t even try to remember what day it was anymore. 

Joel walked over to her, the coffee machine slowly spurting liquid into the two mugs. The fresh scent of the drink ran through the house and Joel shut his eyes, taking in the aroma with a child-like grin. Ellie watched him happily, almost laughing at how happy he was because of the simple gift. “Yeah, I know, baby girl…” He sighed, taking her hand and bending in front of the chair she sat in. He pressed his finger to her jaw, gently pushing her to look at him. “But, what do I always say?” 

Ellie sighed, meeting his gaze and remembering his near catch-phrase: “We do it together.” Ellie answered, quoting him. He nodded, releasing her, but not letting go of her hand. 

“That’s right.” Joel nodded, giving her palm a small squeeze and standing slowly. He kissed the top of her head, slowly letting go of her hand and retreating towards the coffee, which was now displayed in the mugs. “Alright… you’re gon’ like this, Ellie.” He promised her, pouring a small spurt of sugar into hers. He dotted them with whipped cream and walked back towards her. 

She eagerly awaited him and he joined her at the table, sitting beside her. “Alright, be careful, it’s hot.” Ellie nodded, blowing on hers gently before taking a gulp. Her face constricted into disgust and she swallowed it almost like it caused her pain. “What?”

“That tastes so gross!” Ellie pouted, wiping her mouth with her sleeve and trying to get the taste out of her mouth. “It tastes like dirt!” She saw him smile, rustling her hair once again. 

He took a large gulp of his, wiping the dots of cream that clung to his facial hair. “Nah, you just gotta build up a tolerance. If you drink it enough, it’ll taste good.” She smiled, watching him nearly chug the mug and finish it, taking hers from her.  _ At least he likes it.  _ She thought to herself, pulling an amused expression as Joel quickly finished both mugs, caffeine flowing through his veins. “You’ll come to like it.” He shrugged, wiping his lips again and bringing the mugs towards the sinks. 

“I guess…” She murmured, shrugging and then looking back up to Joel with a smile.  _ I wanna build a snowman.  _ She whispered in her head, remembering his description of the activity. “Can we go now, you’ve piqued my interest, old man.” He laughed heartily, but nodded slowly. 

“Yeah, yeah… dress warmer this time, we’ll be out a bit longer.” Joel ordered her and she nodded, moving upstairs to get a warmer shirt.   
Finally, they were permitted to leave. Joel allowed her to borrow one of his coats, as they were thicker than her small, kiddy ones. Some of the kids in the town teased her for being so tiny, but it wasn’t her fault. Joel was still very careful with her ‘condition,’ and always brought food if they were ever leaving the house just in case she experienced famine. “Alright, stay close to me.” Joel told her as they left the safety of the walls. 

The snow around them had accelerated and it was beginning to pile up in around three or four inches. Ellie’s feet left trails as she dragged them through it and she looked back at the damaged snow. She once would’ve thought it was so peaceful; the snow glistening in the distance and the stillness of it all… but now, all she could see were men’s footsteps surrounding her -choking her- in the snow, moving closer and closer until suddenly they began to resemble a person: David. “Hey, look.” Joel bristled her slightly, pointing towards a fawn in the distance. 

Ellie’s breath hitched and she looked towards the deer, feeling sick. Still, after all of the pain she’d had to experience, Ellie had grown a talent of learning to hide behind a mask, concealing her true emotions from everyone, even Joel, if needed. “Cool.” She lied, continuing through the snow and scaring the deer away. 

Joel hesitated for a second, before following behind her. He was moving outside of the wall, but not too far. Ellie wanted to go back towards the pond where he’d taught her to swim, all the way back in Spring. So, that’s where they were heading. Ellie had never gone ice-skating before, but she didn’t want to. She just wanted to stand on the ice, on the line between life and death, but not falling through. “Y’know, back in the zone… one of Riley’s friends, Ashley, she was an artist. She decorated our entire room in snowflakes. I guess that was the closest we ever got to snow…” Ellie smiled at the warm memory, remembering walking into the dorm to see a paper, winter wonderland. 

“Did y’all have Christmas back in there?” Ellie shook her head and Joel realized with a sickness she’d never celebrated Christmas before. “Well, gotta make your first time special, then.” He wrapped his arm around her, rubbing her back and warming her up slightly. “You get all these presents for your family, put ‘em under your tree, and then wake up on Christmas morning… Sarah and I always had bacon for breakfast on Christmas. She didn’t have school, so we just stayed in all day, watchin’ movies or goin’ out and playing with the snow.” Joel warmly remembered the memories, smiling at Sarah’s glee of the snow outside and how it radiated under the sun. 

“That sounds nice.” Ellie spoke softly, trying to imagine what that would look like. Her and Joel, just being alone and being with each other… not having to worry about Infected, or  _ Hunters.  _ Nothing came to mind beside each other. In an ideal world, that would be real, but in the Hell they lived in, either of them had to worry about the other’s death each day. 

That was a thought Ellie tried to expel from her mind, but those worries only grew in Winter. She remembered when she first got Joel out of the University. She tore one of the doors of the building down, tying it to Callus and dragging him through the landscapes until she found something to help him. In the cold, she’d stripped down to nearly her shorts and tank top, trying to get him only a little bit warmer. Sometimes her nerves remembered that feeling as if she was on fire, but the flame burnt blue with frost. Because of that, she learned to fear not only David, but the cold as well.

“Hey, Ellie. Look.” Joel laid down in the snow, brushing his arms and legs around and making a snow angel in the ground. He got up, letting her look at the shape. She giggled, laying herself down beside his angel and moving her limbs around, shutting her eyes and smiling. 

Ellie reached her hand out and Joel pulled her up easily, brushing the snow off of his daughter and grinning down at her. She laughed, seeing the two angels beside each other. “Cool.” She whispered, bending down and writing in the snow:  _ ‘Joel and Ellie were here.’  _ He smiled, taking her hand and roping her fingers with his. They slowly began walking through the woods once again, arriving towards their destination in time. 

“Alright, here we go, kiddo.” They’d arrived at the pond. The water had shifted into ice and was dusted with a thin layer of snow… maybe that was why neither of them could see the cracks underneath. Ellie smiled, trotting towards the ice and dusting a section of the snow off, looking through it and seeing water trapped underneath. Ellie didn’t know that meant it wasn’t thick. “Okay, c’mere.” Joel beckoned her over, already beginning to roll a ball of snow, making it grow larger and larger. “Alright… you roll up snow into balls. You make each one smaller, pile it up, then decorate it to make a snowman.” 

Slowly, Joel and Ellie rolled up three snow, globe-like structures and placed them next to each other. Ellie tried to hoist up the second one, but it was too large. She glared, seeing Joel’s giant smirk. “Oh, shut up, old man.” Ellie faked an upset expression, hitting his arm gently. “You go ahead, then.” Ellie ordered jokingly, though he made quick work of the giant snowballs, piling each one atop the other. Ellie wrapped a pile of snow in her hand, tossing it at Joel. 

He laughed, brushing the powdery substance off of his jacket and looking to the stack of three snow orbs. “Alright, now what?” She asked, shaving the excess snow off. Her hands were freezing and she couldn’t even feel them anymore, but she didn’t care. Joel was distracting her from David, and she took his help with gracious love. For the first time since the snow had started, she actually was enjoying living. 

“Well, you decorate it. Here, gather up some sticks and some rocks.” Joel dug in his bag, pulling out a large carrot wrapped in a napkin and nestling the vegetable in the snowman’s head, making a crude feature. “There we go.” Ellie returned to him, rocks and twigs in her hand. He took each one, slowly building a smile with the twigs, and then taking two pebbles for eyes. “See? Snowman.” 

Joel took two sticks beside the snowman and dug them into the sides, making arms. Joel reached down to Ellie, stealing a spare beanie from her bag and throwing it onto the construction. “I can see it.” Ellie shrugged, fixing the position of the hat and smiling back up towards Joel. Their tiny family was smaller than most, but it was functional. She leaned into him and he stroked her back gently, warming her up. 

The end of the pond had a drop where the part of the hill ended and Ellie slowly made her way towards it, stepping onto the ice. It slightly groaned under her but she didn’t hear it. Joel watched from the shore before stepping onto the thin ice himself, but it didn’t seem to reject Joel as much, as he’d traveled from a different side of the shore. Ellie sat by the edge, letting her feet fall just off of the sheer edge. It was a large drop and Joel took her hand, certifying her safety. “Isn’t it so pretty?” Ellie asked him, looking towards the mountains that were visible from the cliff. The sun was hanging low in the sky, as it was around three or four P.M. 

“Yeah, it is… ain’t it?” Joel agreed, slinging her arm around her and keeping her close to him. Ellie sighed, hiding her head in Joel’s neck and finally letting the depression that climbed over her when Winter returned. Joel gently stroked her hair, certifying to her that she was right there. It was freezing and she shivered, but his presence warmed her up.   
“Can we stay up tonight?” Ellie asked, not meeting his eyes. She was ashamed, embarrassed of what had happened to her a year ago. Part of her thought -knew- it was a fact that it was her fault, partially, at least. “I don’t want to sleep again… not tonight, at least.” She whispered softly and he cringed, suddenly releasing her and opting to take all of her in his arms. She was nearly covered in him and she liked it better that way. 

“You sure you don’t wanna try?” Joel asked her and she nodded quickly, keeping her eyes trained on the landscape before them. He sighed, knowing even if he tried and succeeded to get her to sleep, she’d just be plagued with more nightmares.  _ I don’t want to see him again.  _ Ellie thought, shutting her eyes but she only saw his face in her vision. She shuddered, opening them again and seeing Joel looking down at her. “Okay, baby girl… you don’t gotta do anything you don’t want to.” He didn’t know how much better that made her feel and Ellie sighed, taking herself out of his arms and sitting beside him, still leaning into him. 

“I’m sorry, I just… want Winter to be over.” Ellie admitted, her figure hunching over and picking at her nails. “I’m trying to talk to you more… I’m just not good at it.” Ellie shrugged, looking up to Joel with tears shimmering in her eyes. He scrunched his features together, kissing the top of her forehead and brushing the thin layer of snow that landed on her hair. 

“Oh, baby girl… it’s okay. You’re doing so good.” He promised her, pressing her forehead against his and warming her up. Ellie actually smiled and she sighed, letting the grief and fear run off of her, maybe just for a second. 

“Okay… okay, I feel better now.” Ellie nodded, watching Joel slowly stand and take her hand, bringing her up as well. “It’s fucking freezing… can we get back?” Ellie asked and he nodded, letting her hand go for a second and heading back towards the shore. 

She took one last look of the view before them, appreciating the vast colors and mountains. “Y’know… you can’t deny the view.” Joel smiled from the shore, beckoning her over and calling her name.   
Ellie obliged, beginning to return. Joel turned around, taking Ellie’s hat back from the snowman and smiling fondly at it. _Sarah would’ve loved you._ He thought, brushing the snow off of the beanie and slinging his bag over his shoulder, placing the article of clothing in his pack. _We should get back… Ellie can’t handle any Infected right now… or even worse, hunters._ He avoided the ladder like the plague, treating them like they were almost worse than ended up Infected. He barely left her alone in Winter, knowing her mind could consume her in less than a second and take her back to that _fucking_ restaurant. 

An odd sound came through his ears from behind him and finally, he turned around, immediately noticing the absence of Ellie. “Ellie?” Joel called, cold terror running through him and he approached the shoreline; then he saw it. A large crack lived in the center of the water, revealing freezing, icy water beneath it. He saw the smallest hint of flashing red hair in the water and his heart dropped. 

Joel felt as if he suddenly couldn’t move, but he forced his legs to pick up. He sprinted towards the ice, lowering himself onto his stomach when he approached the crack to divide his weight across the ice and not fall in himself. “ _ Ellie _ !” He called, dropping his hands into the water and fishing through the freezing liquid. It hurt him to even put his hand in, so he felt physical pain when he thought of her helpless body drifting in the black water. She didn’t even scream, that was why he didn’t hear her. Maybe it gave her more oxygen, maybe it meant she was still conscious, but part of Joel doubted that. “Ellie, c’mon, c’mon, baby.” He pleaded, feeling her last bit of strength be used to weakly reach for Joel. 

He took her hand, thanking whatever gave her enough strength to push her hand towards Joel. Joel slowly pulled her up, seeing her closed eyes as he dragged her out of the ice. “Ellie, come on. Come on, come on.” He begged, seeing her chest wasn’t moving. It felt like any reason he had to live had been squashed, like squishing a bug under a boot. “No… no, no.” He whispered, taking her in his arms and getting her to the land before placing her down again, listening for any breathing, but… there was none. 

His throat squeezed the oxygen from his body and made his mouth feel dry with terror. He wrapped his hands around each other, and rapidly, began to perform chest compressions. Desperation was screaming in him and all he could do was blame himself for letting her go and leaving her alone on the ice. Maybe he could’ve caught her, or maybe he would’ve fallen in himself and could’ve scared the agonizing pain that came with cold. “Ellie, come on, come on, come on.” Joel begged, pushing his hands against her chest and trying to expel the water from her lungs. 

He zipped her jacket off, leaving her in a hoodie, but every inch of her was absolutely soaked in freezing, icy water. Her skin matched the color of the snow beside her and it only made him cower like a child, scared by a nightmare. This  _ was  _ a nightmare. Joel continued his compressions, though they were really just desperate attempts to change places with her. 

“Ellie, you get up, get up right now.” He hissed, almost hitting his palm against her chest, just trying anything to get her up. But his hope was quickly dwindling. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, making him even colder, which just made him feel worse because if  _ he  _ felt cold, Joel couldn’t even  _ imagine  _ the absolute pain she must’ve been experiencing. Just as he was beginning to lose hope, water suddenly fell from her lips, landing on the snow beside her. “Ellie.” His eyes picked up towards her weak body and the tiniest crescent of green irises. “Ellie, hey. Baby…” His hands cupped her face but her only response was violent shivers that took over her body. He stripped her of her shirt, wrapping his jacket around her and zipping it up, trying to make her even a little less cold. “Stay awake, baby. Stay with me… stay right here with me.” He ordered desperately and she gave the smallest of nods, telling him that she was alive. 

Tears were spilling down his cheeks in relief, but he knew there was still a chance of her not making it out. He took her hat from his bag, covering her freezing hair with it and drying her face with his sleeve. “Joel…” She tried to whisper, but she only coughed up more water, making the snow beside her even more wet. 

“Sh… save your strength.” Joel hushed her, scooping her up in his arms and trying to get any body heat from him to her. Ellie was shaking like a leaf and was barely awake. He whispered to her as he began to run through the snow, passing by the forgotten snowman like it was the snowman’s fault Ellie was clinging to life. “Ellie, stay awake. I’m getting us back home, okay?” 

Ellie nodded, trying to make out words, but her eyes were barely even open. “...cold…” Ellie whispered, her voice barely audible in the whipping wind. Her jeans were soaking wet and them pressing against her tightly just made her feel more freezing. It felt like her entire body was on fire and she shuddered uncomfortably in Joel’s grip, but he just held her tighter, keeping her hidden from the snow and whipping wind in his arms. He was stripped to his flannel and kept both of his jackets around Ellie. They were doing _something_ , but she was still shivering and shaking violently like she was inches from slipping into a sleep she’d never wake from.   
The walls of Jackson were barely visible and Joel only ran quicker, keeping Ellie in his arms with a dangerous determination to get her home. “J-Joel.” Ellie chattered, opening her eyes and looking around, seeing his face looking down at her with wild concern and love. A million words were spoken with their gaze and he caressed her freezing skin with his hand. “W-what…” Ellie left her sentence hanging, not having the strength to continue. 

Joel pressed his finger against her wrist, feeling a weak pulse. It pulsated every three seconds, which he knew was much too slow.  _ Get us back, get us back.  _ Joel chanted in his head, simply holding her closer to him. “It’s alright, baby girl, just don’t fall asleep.” Ellie nodded weakly, wrapping her freezing fingers around his shirt, realizing he’d shed his jacket to make her warmer.  _ Get her back.  _

Finally, they made it to the fence and Joel pushed himself through, disregarding the confused glances of the guards on the post. Faye wasn’t there, and that was the only thing -beside Joel’s grip- she could take solace in. In her demonization of the woman, Ellie had grown to fear her, but she didn’t have the heart to tell Joel. It was like putting a puppy down… she just couldn’t do it. “Hey, we’re home, alright? We’re back home.” Joel tried to comfort her, but she was freezing. It was like her own veins were strangling her and the right to feeling her limbs became a privilege. “We’re safe… we’re okay. We’re okay.” Joel chanted to himself, setting Ellie down on the couch, forgetting the silly Christmas decorations they’d set up the previous day. 

Her body was still and she barely had the strength to move. He did it for her, not complaining. He was just happy she was still alive. When he first saw the black, freezing cold water taking her captive, his throat closed around him and it was like he wasn’t allowed to breathe. “Ellie, stay awake, let me get you warm.” He begged and she nodded, but her eyes were still shut. Thankfully, she was awake, just tired. 

His fingers untied her shoes and he pulled them off of her, pulling her socks off next. Her skin was white like the snow outside and he rushed upstairs, getting her dry clothes. When he heard her weakly calling his name, he hurried back down, clothing in his hands. “It’s okay, I’m right here. I’m not goin’ anywhere.” He swore, slipping warm, knitted socks onto her feet after rubbing the skin with his sleeves, trying to warm her up. 

Ellie’s breathing was dangerously slow and he cursed under his breath, moving to slowly take his jacket off of her. She only had a sports bra underneath and he swore, seeing how freezing and pale her skin was. Joel pulled Ellie’s arms up, slipping a thick sweatshirt onto her body and finally looking in her eyes again. “Ellie?”   
“Yeah… I’m awake.” She whispered, opening her eyes and seeing Joel staring back at her, terror in his look. “It’s… still f-freezing.” Ellie chattered and Joel looked to her soaked jeans. He slowly unzipped them, seeing the discomfort on her face but thankfully, the sweatshirt went down to nearly her knees. 

“I know, baby, I’m gonna warm you up.” Joel promised, his voice in a soft hush. He slipped Ellie’s jeans off, replacing it with fuzzy, flannel pajama pants he’d taken from her draws. All of her soaked clothing had been shed, but Ellie’s lips were as blue as the sky and her skin was paler than frost. Her hands felt like blocks of ice and she weakly rubbed them together, trying to warm herself up.  _ I wish it was hot out… cold is like fire.  _ Ellie thought, squeezing her eyes shut and seeing Joel had disappeared. She raised her head, struggling to even move it without the feeling of fire setting across her nerves. Ellie called his name, but it was barely above ten decibels. 

Still, he heard her every breath. Every vibration of her pulse sounded in his brain, because it was his tether to life. She watched Joel’s figure return with blankets and quilts in his arms. He quickly trotted towards her, kneeling beside the couch and propping her up for a second to cover her in the blankets, rubbing her and trying to warm her up. “There you go.” Joel whispered, kissing the top of her forehead lovingly and sitting beside her. 

Her breathing slowly became less drawn out and Ellie shut her eyes, weakly curling up and moving to Joel, wanting him to hold her. “T-that’s better.” Ellie murmured softly. Joel wrapped his arms around her and she laid down right beside him, with Joel to her left, surrounding her. “T-thanks… for saving me.” She looked up to him, their eyes meeting. 

Ellie remembered when she’d fallen in:  _ Ellie sighed, taking one last look at the mountains before turning around, seeing Joel fiddling with the snowman. She smiled, her skin pale and her cheeks a rosy red. But suddenly, she heard a small crack. Ellie looked down, dusting the snow off of the ice and gasping, seeing deep cracks.  _

_She tried to run, beginning to yell Joel’s name but before she could even try to open her mouth, Ellie felt her body sinking down in the jet-black, freezing water. It was like something had swallowed her up and set her on fire. A million different needles were puncturing every inch of her skin and diving into her flesh, making her scream in pain._ _  
__Ellie desperately waved her hands around, trying to swim up but the bitter cold stalled her ability to swim._ Joel, Joel! Joel, help me… _She thought, seeing dark feet run across the ice, which was slightly transparent. Then, he saw it, a hand reaching into the water._

_ The last of Ellie’s strength was quickly dwindling and she seized her body, slowly moving towards the crack she had fallen into.  _ Joel.  _ Ellie desperately thought, reaching her left hand up just enough for Joel to take it. Her body was slowly being dragged out of the water but resurfacing and facing the bitter wind and violent snow just made her feel like ice. Finally, blackness overtook her and she couldn’t feel her own breath anymore.  _

“I’m always gon save you.” Joel assured her, looking into her eyes with a deadly seriousness and noticing her hair was still dripping freezing water onto her skin. “Alright, come here, baby girl, let’s get you in front of the fire.” Joel carefully scooped her up in his arms, taking the blankets and quilts with him. He sat them down in front of the fireplace. Dead embers were rising into the chimney, but it provided a warm, amber light on Ellie’s skin, warming her up slightly. 

She let out a shaky exhale, shutting her eyes and falling into Joel’s arms. Ellie was laying down on his lap, her origin beside him. Joel hummed her a tune, stroking her wet hair gently as she took in the warm heat. The snowy beanie was still sitting across her head, but he removed it, brushing her hair out and letting the fire dry it slightly. “It’s a little… better now.” She spoke, shutting her eyes and leaning her head on Joel’s far leg. 

“Alright… you scared the shit out of me.” Joel smiled sadly and she let out a weak laugh, coughing slightly. Particles of water were still clinging inside her lungs and a trail of coughs escaped her mouth. “It’s okay… let’s stay away from ice for a little.” 

“I second that.” Ellie smiled, brushing the water from her lips and leaning back into Joel, letting him stroke her back and calm her down. Joel suddenly remembered his surprise for her and he slowly sat her against the coffee table, getting up momentarily to the kitchen. “Joel…” 

He looked back to her, seeing her voice after she’d been left. “Don’t worry, I got somethin’ for you. It’ll warm you up.” Joel promised and Ellie’s eyes widened. He waited for her to give him clearance, seeing she was uncomfortable with him leaving. “You’re gonna love this… Sarah was addicted to this stuff.” Joel remembered fondly, smiling at his first daughter’s love for no other than hot cocoa. 

His hands dug into the cabinet and he took a packet of the cocoa from the box. He poured a mug of milk, putting it in the microwave and heating it up before sprinkling the cocoa onto the milk and returning to Ellie. He held the mug to her, seeing her curled up frame. She was leaning against the leg of the coffee table and at least two or three blankets were piled onto her, trying to make her warm once again. “Here you go… think you’ll like this better than coffee.” 

Ellie took the mug from him weakly, rubbing her hands against the hot glass. She pushed the mug to her lips, letting the toasty liquid spill down her freezing throat. Ellie’s face twisted into a smile and she stopped drinking for a moment, looking at Joel, who was staring at her with an anxious face. He just hoped it’d cheer her up. “I definitely like this better than coffee.” Ellie smiled, leaning back into his grip and feeling him wrap an arm around her and rubbing her, warming her up with his body heat. 

“Yeah, thought you would… kids like sugar. First time Sarah had coffee, she’d just pour it in.” Joel’s skin wrinkled when he smiled, thinking of the memory. Sarah would love Ellie so much… sometimes he wondered what would have happened if he blocked Sarah’s body with his. Maybe he could’ve survived longer than her, and he could’ve survived long enough for Tommy to help… both of them could’ve lived. He wondered if they would’ve ended up in Boston… would he have still met Ellie? Part of him didn’t know if he’d rather Sarah being alive, or never meeting Ellie. Would Ellie  _ be  _ alive if she didn’t meet Joel? He shook away the thought and returned himself to Ellie’s slightly trembling figure in his grip. 

Ellie snickered, her strength slowly trying to stand once again. “Maybe I should try it… I dunno how you like that dirty bean water.” Joel chuckled slightly, continuing to brush her hair once again and get the freezing water expelled from it. “Had to trade my pencils to get you that… glad you like it, though.” Joel felt gratitude run through him when he heard that. He knew how much her drawings meant to her, and the ability to draw was like a sixth sense to her. Joel made a mental note to get her new ones, and he would make them even better. 

“Nah, you’re just young, your taste-buds ain’t the same as mine. That’s why kids don’t like alcohol, you gotta build a tolerance up.” Ellie wasn’t really listening, exhaustion had begun to dawn on her and her eyes were drifting closed and open once again. Her body was rejecting the idea of sleep and she pinched her wrist, waking herself up again. It was Winter… and the nightmares got worse as it got colder. 

Joel noticed this and he sighed, pulling her closer and whispering praise into her ear. “It’s alright, baby… we’re in Jackson… he can’t hurt you anymore.” Joel swore, looking into her eyes and inspecting every speck of emerald green that sparkled under his gaze. “I promise… that ain’t ever happening to you again. I’m not lettin’ it.” They both knew what he was discussing and Ellie pouted, hiding her head in Joel’s chest and remembering what had happened to her last Winter. She still had scars, down there… like her mind wanted to just push everything down but her body wouldn’t allow her, flaunting her scars in her face and strutting them into her vision. “Okay?” He asked her, his voice hoarse when she didn’t surface from his chest. 

“Mhm.” Ellie whispered, her answer muffled in his flannel shirt. She’d grown warm again, but the snow and frost obscuring the view towards the outside world made sure that she didn’t feel safe. Her paranoia had increased tenfold in the last week. She brought her gun  _ everywhere _ . To the ranch, out of the house, patrol, even in the house, she always kept her gun in her pocket. When she was sleeping, it stayed on her night table. She didn’t employ her room during the winter. Ellie always stayed not even five feet away from Joel, and she always had her hand in his. 

She felt like such a  _ baby _ , but Joel didn’t say anything. He was so understanding of her fear and he didn’t entertain it, but he tried whatever he could to make her feel safe. Ellie had had another run in… with one of the people Dina spoke of: predators. It was while Joel and her were out on the town, and of course, it happened in Winter. 

_ He had touched her. The man had touched Ellie, and she was grabbing onto Joel’s hand like she’d fall into Hell if she released it. Joel was glaring at the man, rage in his irises and veins protruding from his neck. “She’s lying.” The man stated, seeing Joel’s furious expression and realizing he’d made a mistake touching Ellie like that. Ellie rubbed her skin, trying to get the man’s presence off of her body but failing.  _

_ “Excuse me?” Joel snarled, dropping Ellie’s hand and moving towards the man, pushing him up against a wall. They were on their way home, in the allies between the houses, and the man  _ had touched her.  _ That was all Joel could think of. “You touch my daughter again, I swear-”  _

_ “Joel, stop.” Ellie whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks. She took Joel’s hand, letting the man drop from his grip and fall to the ground with a hard  _ crunch  _ of the twigs underneath him. “Please, can we just leave?” Ellie asked, her voice quiet and fearful. Whenever she was afraid, it was apparent in her body language. Her noise would shudder and scrunch up like a bunny’s and her nails would dig into her palms. “Please?”  _

_ Joel clenched his jaw, looking from Ellie to the man. He was weakly sprawled on the ground, as Joel had given him a fair few hits after he first tried to touch Ellie. Joel bent down, looking in the man’s eyes with a deadly venom that spiked in his irises. “You come near us again, it’ll be a mistake.” Joel warned him seriously, before letting Ellie take his hand and drag him away from the man, clearly uncomfortable. She wiped her tears, simply wanting to push the situation down until it could later explode. “Ellie-”  _

_ “I’m fine.” Ellie lied, pushing away from Joel and accelerating her pace and walking ahead of him towards the house. Joel watched her, pain palpable in his features.  _

Joel didn’t know what to do after that situation. He tried to talk to Ellie but, of course, she just pushed all of it down, taking Joel’s advice:  _ things happen, and we move on.  _ It was a sick habit of hers to just keep all of it to herself, following her father. “I just want to get some sleep…” Ellie responded, digging her head into Joel’s head and slowly falling asleep, letting her nightmares claim her. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading everyone! next chapter is a request, so if you want yours to be next, asks are always welcome <3 there should be an update in 1-2 days, so i'll see all of you guys then! love all of you! :3


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> request: I have a request for a chapter lmao  
> I was think that maybe Jesse and Ellie over time grow closer and closer and Dina seems to notice it but then she thinks Ellie likes Jesse and Jesse likes Ellie. She then Confronts Ellie and asked if they like each other and Ellie obviously Denise it because she doesn't. But Dina doesn't believe her, Dina isn't mad but she feels betrayed by Jesse because they were dating (oh and jesse doesn't like ellie either he just loves her as a friend). Dina doesn't believe that Ellie doesn't like him and nags her about it and then Ellie breaks and can't handle it anymore...she blurts out in frustration "I DONT LIKE HIM I LIKE YOU!!"then Ellie regrets even speaking and Dina is shocked and well you can write the rest. Just an idea lol

They were at the dam. Dina, Jesse and Ellie. The power had shut down again: 

_ “I don’t get why people used to watch this shit.” Ellie growled, looking at the horror movie through the blanket. Joel chuckled, keeping her in his arms and stroking her back gently, keeping her from losing her shit. “Ugh, why don’t you get scared at this shit, old man?” Ellie growled, looking up at him with a playful glare.  _

_ He snickered, shrugged and continued to watch the television. “I dunno, guess this stuff just doesn’t-” Joel was cut off as the lights and the television suddenly vanished, making Ellie’s spine tingle. “The hell?” Joel sat up, looking out the window and seeing the street lights had gone out as well.  _

_ “What the fuck?” Ellie asked, feeling as if the horror movie had come to get her in real life. Joel squeezed her hand, reaching for his backpack and getting his flashlight from the depths, fastening it in his hand. He switched it on, illuminating the house and then looking at Ellie. Her face was fearful and he tried to comfort her, but the snow outside wasn’t helping. “Is it an attack?”  _

_ She remembered the attack at the dam so long ago, but he shook his head, getting up. “Nah, something would have happened by now.” Joel answered, getting her bag and fetching her her torch as well. She caught it, switching it on and keeping the blanket hung over her shoulders. “Shit… the power probably went out.” Joel realized, pushing his shoes on and slipping his jacket on. “We should go get Tommy up, before they’re callin’ for his head.” Joel joked, trying to release the tension from tiny body just a little bit. “C’mon, baby girl.” _

Joel and Tommy were there to repair it. Ellie tagged along with Joel, due to the season, and Dina and Jesse decided to join as well, wanting to comfort Ellie in some way. She was so jumpy and conserved now that December had begun, and Dina and Jesse took notice of this. “Alright, alright. Open.” Ellie ordered, taking one of the small pretzels in her hand while Dina opened her mouth, trying to catch it. “Okay, and…” Ellie threw it and surprisingly, it landed in Dina’s mouth and they both cheered, raising their hands. “Yes!” 

“Nice aim, partner.” Dina smirked, chomping down on the pretzel while Jesse watched, amused. Jesse took a small candy, looking towards Ellie. 

“‘Kay, Jesse, hit me.” Ellie ordered, opening her mouth and watching the candy that sailed through the air, and once again, it landed in between her teeth. She smiled, laughing with Jesse and chewing down on the candy, feeling sweet sugar rush through her mouth. Ever since Joel had introduced her, she’d grown a near addiction to hot chocolate. Dina and Jesse had come over the previous day and they all just watched old Christmas movies all day, drinking nearly a gallon of the cocoa. 

Dina sighed, looking out the snowy window. “Do you think they’ll have the power back on soon?” Dina asked, rubbing her hands together and blowing hot breath onto the skin, making the tan shade a little more colorful. “I’m missing heat right now.” She joked and Ellie agreed, sitting beside the girl and they both leaned into each other, sharing body heat. 

Ellie wore a beanie and jeans, along with one of Joel’s jackets and her own sweatshirts underneath. “God, this is nothing compared to on the road… it was fucking freezing last year, surprised my nails didn’t break off.” Ellie tried to keep herself light when talking about last Winter, but she did so with extreme trouble. “And Summer used to be so hot… God, I used to think I’d have a fucking heat stroke.” 

“Sounds pleasant.” Jesse joked and Ellie snickered, shaking her head. Tommy had allowed them to stay in the bunks that were in the damn. Dina sat on one, and Jesse and Ellie sat beside each other on another. Dina had been noticing Jesse and Ellie’s sudden growth in care for each other. Jesse had begun to care for her much more after Ellie revealed what she had to go through in Winter. Jesse didn’t know what that was like, obviously, but he wanted to help however he could. But Dina didn’t know that was his intention… Jesse and Dina had inherited an unofficial relationship, and they were too young to know what it meant yet… So was Ellie taking Dina’s place? Was she knowingly going after Jesse after Dina had talked to her for hours about how she loved Jesse…? Dina didn’t know how much that ladder hypothesis hurt Ellie. Having to hear about Dina loving someone else made Ellie want to die. “Whenever it gets hot here, we just go to the swimming hole. Right outside the walls.” 

Ellie sickly remembered it as the one that she’d nearly drowned in. “Yeah, well, Joel taught me how to swim when we got here. Guess I finally needed to learn, had a few close calls outside.” Dina and Jesse were always brought back to reality when Ellie talked about near death experiences outside the walls. The only danger Jesse knew was the predatory nature of the bullies that lived in Jackson, and Dina had only been outside for the early years of her life. She’d gotten to Jackson four years ago, and the feeling of safety had finally settled in for her. 

“Yeah, kinda happy I got to grow up here.” 

“More like lucky.” That statement took on a whole new meaning for Dina and Jesse, knowing Ellie’s past. Ellie’s jaw clenched and she looked at her nails, trying to get the vision of blood dousing them out of her mind. The visions were getting worse as Winter progressed. Maybe it was David standing in the distance, or Callus’ bloody corpse sitting in front of her… they were always terrifying, and always ended in her screaming. Dina and Jesse were yet to see her experience one, but Joel had come to know them. 

_ “Ellie.  _ Ellie. _ ” Joel raised his voice, but she was seemingly frozen in place. She was looking in one last spot, her breathing violently accelerating with each second. “Ellie!” Joel called once again, making his way over to her and shaking her. They were outside the walls… it was nearly a week after Ellie’s brush with death in the swimming hole, and Joel had taken her out to build a snowman family once again. “Ellie, hey.” Joel croaked, shaking her violently until finally, her vision cleared and she met Joel’s eyes.  _

_ Suddenly, she began sobbing, hiding in her father’s arms and crying openly, the tears on her cheeks freezing on her skin and making her shudder. “It’s okay… it’s okay.” Joel whispered in her ear, hugging her tightly and stroking her back, trying to assure his presence to her. “Do… do you want to talk about it?”  _

_ Ellie surfaced from his chest for a second, shakily nodding. Joel said that if she talked about it, it’d help, so she really tried to… but sometimes it was just too painful. “I… I keep seeing him. I think I’m going crazy.” Ellie whispered between crying, diving back into Joel’s arms and sniffling, trying to stop her crying, thinking she was a baby.  _

_ “Oh, baby girl… you’re not going crazy… you’ve been through too much, reckon you’re doing as well as you can.” Joel tried to comfort her, but it didn’t seem to do much. Joel bent down to Ellie’s eyes, separating her from his arms momentarily and looking directly into her tragic pupils. “Look at me…” He gently requested, moving her eyes to him with a gentle touch. “We’re safe now… we’re in Jackson, and I’m not ever gonna let  _ anyone  _ touch you again.” Joel swore to her, taking her in his arms once again and letting her air out her PTSD and trauma.  _

“Winter just sucks ass in general.” Ellie shrugged, looking down at the cloth of the bed she was on and picking at her nails, sighing. It grew quiet and Jesse looked at her sadly, suddenly taking Ellie in his arms. After their sudden bonding, Ellie didn’t pull away, and she just tightened her grip around Jesse. Dina felt guilty about the jealousy that rose in her and she hid her expression, shutting her eyes.  _ Don’t do this, Dina. Be there for Ellie… she wouldn’t do that to you.  _

Dina had been singing about her love for Jesse to Ellie, but the girl never wanted to talk about Dina’s romance with Jesse, with Dina took as proof that Ellie had hidden feelings for him. But she loved Ellie… as a friend. Nothing could change that… or so, she thought. “Sorry… I’m gonna be a bit of a downer.” Ellie warned, trying to joke but failing miserably. 

“You know you can always talk to us, right, Ellie?” Jesse asked, separating Ellie from his arms and seeing a stray tear she had wiped away. Ellie nodded, sniffling and wiping the tears away, taking a deep breath. 

“Yeah… I know.” Ellie whispered, slowly recovering from her small depression and wiping her eyes, exhaling. “Alright… okay, let’s talk about something else… please.” Ellie asked, looking to Dina then Jesse. They nodded, knowing Ellie’s patterns. She didn’t like sharing with others. Ellie had a nasty habit of putting the world on her shoulders, like Atlas. 

“Okay, here. How about-” Suddenly ending Dina’s sentence, a gunshot went off and all three of the teenagers’ skins paled. Ellie’s head snapped up and she instantly hopped off of the bunk bed, trotting towards the exit to the room and looking out. A gunshot met the air inches beside Ellie’s face and she yelped, slamming the door closed. Dina and Jesse looked at each other in shock, unable to move. 

“Get under the covers, now!” Ellie whisper-hissed, watching Dina and Jesse regrettably vanish under the comforters. Ellie sprinted to her bag, taking the rifle from the slip and pulling back the clutch of the gun, cocking it and loading a bullet in just as Joel had taught her. 

Jesse peeked his head up, looking towards Ellie’s gun with a sick expression. “Ellie, what are you going to do?” He asked fearfully, but both of them knew the answer. 

Ellie gulped, looking down at the firearm and shutting her eyes for a second, before sighing and opening them. “I’m going to protect us. Just hide.” She tried to comfort him, but it didn’t look like it did much. Jesse covered himself with the blankets again and Ellie looked around, knowing she couldn’t stay out in the open. 

Ellie ran towards a table in the room, knocking it over and pushing it on its side, leaning behind it. Suddenly, the door burst open and three men began to cross through the room, looking around. One of them had blood on his shirt and Ellie suddenly remembered Joel and Tommy. _No… no, what if… what if they hurt Joel? Or Tommy? I need to take care of these assholes and get to Joel… he has to be okay… he has to be._ Ellie felt anger running through her and she fingered the trigger with her nail, but she knew it’d be better to take them out one by one… but it was too small of a room. She needed to shoot it out.   
Abruptly starting the shooting, Ellie took the rifle, aiming it and landing a bullet into one of the men’s skulls, splattering blood onto Ellie and the blankets that Jesse and Dina hid under. She could hear Jesse and Dina’s hushed cries and she cringed, squeezing her features together. _I’m getting all three of us out of this._ “You little bitch!” One of the two remaining men screamed, spotting Ellie and rushing her, taking her arm and dragging her out into the open. 

Ellie groaned as the man yanked her hair. The second man began to approach her and she knew if both of them got hands on, she had no chance. Ellie’s teeth latched onto the man’s hand and he screeched in pain like a child, grabbing his hand and giving Ellie an opportunity. She took her bat from her bag, beating it against the man’s ribs and making him collapse to the floor. She finished the job, shooting him with her pistol and making blood splatter across her boots. 

She felt sick… she knew she’d win the fight, and that was what scared her. Ellie had become such a killing machine that she could murder without even wincing anymore. But, the last man took Ellie, wrapping his hand around her throat and trying to choke her. Dina and Jesse had emerged from the blankets, watching with horror as Ellie was strangled. “Ellie!” Dina cried, getting the man’s attention. Ellie took this opportunity, flashing her knife and thrashing it into the man’s throat as he held her, blood pouring onto her hand. The man collapsed behind her and Ellie spun around, driving the blade into his gut and finishing the job. 

A sick silence ran through the air as Ellie gasped for air, blood covering her hands and knees. “It’s an attack on the dam.” Ellie realized, looking back up towards her friends, cringing at how they looked at her. Jesse and Dina watched sickly, looking at her in horror. “Are you two okay?” Ellie asked, looking back around towards them and seeing them nod anxiously. 

“A-are you alright?” Jesse asked, seeing a bruise on her cheek from where one of the men had hit her, and one where the man was choking her. Ellie nodded, coughing once before picking up her rifle, reloading it and slipping it back in her hand. Then she took her pistol, slipping it back in her jeans and looking up towards Dina and Jesse. Both of their faces were twisted in horror at her actions, not in fear of  _ her _ , but in perplexity that she, someone their age, had had to see so much horror that she could kill so easily… well easily, physically. Both of them could see the toll it took on her, taking a life. “You… you killed them.” 

“It was them or us.” Ellie breathed, turning around when she heard more footsteps coming up the steps. Ellie cursed, looking back to her friends. “Under.” She said, and they understood. She hid back behind the table, swallowing hard and taking her pistol out once again… but then she heard his voice. 

“Oh, shit.” Joel whispered, Tommy beside him. Corpses defiled the floor and he rushed in, his head light. “Ellie?!” Joel called through the room, seeing Ellie slowly rise and rush towards him, sprinting into his arms. “Oh, thank God. Are you alright?” Joel demanded, inspecting her and seeing blood covering her hands, but it didn’t seem to be hers. He didn’t know whether or not to be happy about that. 

Ellie nodded, taking herself from Joel’s arms and seeing Tommy rush towards the blankets, uncovering Dina and Jesse, breathing when he saw them. “Jesus… it’s alright now.” He assured them, seeing their shaken expressions, but it wasn’t because of the attack. They were still fearful and confused why Ellie was able to physically kill them so easily. She had such brute strength and knew her way so well around a gun… neither Jesse nor Dina wanted to know why. “Are you two okay?”

“Y-yeah… yeah, Ellie took care of them.” Dina answered, taking in the sight of the three corpses and wanting to puke. Joel looked down to Ellie’s hands, cringing when he saw blood coloring her. “Ellie, a-are… are you okay?” Dina asked, moving down from the bed and suddenly taking Ellie in her arms. The other girl squeezed her back, shutting her eyes and seeing the bloody bodies of the men she’d killed. It was silent as they embraced each other and finally, Joel tapped her, taking her bloody hands. 

“Hey, let’s wash this off, okay?” Joel asked her carefully, and she nodded, letting Joel take her out of the room and leave Dina, Jesse and Tommy alone. Snow was pouring against the windows of the dam and a freezing climate coated the dam.  _ ‘Hey, you okay, kid?’ ‘Watch out, more of them!’ ‘I think we make a pretty good team.’ ‘I believe everything happens for a reason.’ ‘It’s not your fault… you’re just a girl.’  _ Quotes were ringing in Ellie’s head as she looked at the snow, shutting her eyes and just relying on Joel’s grip. 

“I… I can’t believe she…” Dina tried to make words as Jesse and her looked at the bodies. The men’s eyes were opened and Dina bore her irises into one of them, cringing and breaking the gaze. Jesse held her hand and gently took Dina’s eyes away from the bodies. “How… she did it so easily.” Dina felt sick, thinking of how easily she was able to slaughter them. Dina wasn’t disturbed at Ellie  _ doing  _ the killing, she knew the men would’ve taken them and… Dina didn’t even want to think about it. They would have slaughtered the three teenagers. Ellie had to do something, because Jesse and Dina certainly wouldn’t have. 

“Ellie’s had to go through a lot.” Tommy answered her, covering the bodies with a tarp and making his way back towards the kids, who sat in a disturbed state. “She’s had to do a lot… and hurt a lot of people.” Tommy vaguely stated, but both of them got the message. Jesse felt sick and he saw a drop of blood on his hand that had splattered onto it when Ellie shot the first man. He felt  _ horrible.  _

Jesse knew what she had had to sort through, and how many people she’d had to kill. But he thought it was fifteen, maybe in the twenties… but how she killed three men so easily, he knew it was much, much higher. “Jesus…” Jesse breathed, turning his sight away from the bodies and turning to get up off of the couch. “Can we go see her, I need-”

“No, it… just let Joel take care of it… just for today. Winter’s here… Ellie’s gon’ need help getting through it.” Tommy requested and they nodded, wanting to help Ellie as quickly and effectively as they could. “Alright… power’s back on anyway… reckon we should be gettin’ back, then. Get your stuff and wait downstairs.” Dina and Jesse nodded, taking their bags and slinging them over their backs. Jesse took Ellie’s, not wanting her to have to return to the room… Dina noticed this. 

It was quiet as Joel took a rag, washing the blood from Ellie’s hands and cheeks. But it was scary that she wasn’t crying, she was just imprisoned in her thoughts, staring off towards a spot on the floor and shutting her eyes every now and then. “Alright… c’mere, baby.” Joel whispered softly, pushing her now loose hair behind her ear and brushing the bruise on her cheek, cringing at the purplish skin. “Probably got some painkillers at home.” He spoke softly, looking in her eyes. Ellie nodded, tying her hair back and pushing it into a ponytail once again. 

“Okay… can we go home?” Ellie asked him, her voice hoarse and pained. Joel nodded, taking her hands and zipping down her hoodie, replacing it with a spare one in her bag, as the old one was covered in the men’s blood. “I’m tired.” She murmured and he cringed, squeezing her hand. 

“I know… we’ll be back in less than an hour, alright?” Ellie nodded, taking his hand and letting her walk them through the dam towards the first floor, where Tommy, Ellie’s friends and the other workers that had been at the dam were already beginning to file out. “Hey.” Ellie whispered, separating herself from Joel momentarily and looking towards Dina, then Jesse. 

Dina took Ellie’s hand, replacing where Joel’s was. “Thanks, for… for saving us… back there.” Dina whispered, looking in the smaller girl’s emerald eyes. Ellie nodded, shoving what had happened down into her gut and waiting for it to simmer and blow later on. 

“Yeah, um… yeah.” Ellie shrugged, showing she didn’t want to talk about it. Jesse nodded, taking Ellie’s hand from Dina and walking ahead with her, leaving Dina behind and trying to comfort Ellie. But, once again… Dina didn’t see it that way. She saw it as Ellie’s attempt to take Jesse. Love was clouding her logical judgment as as they slowly left the dam, Dina watched Jesse and Ellie subtly laugh together, bonding quickly. 

_ She likes him… doesn’t she?  _ Dina realized, staring down at her boots and frowning, feeling sadness pool in her.  _ Does Jesse like her more? Did he ever like me?  _ Foolishness was blinding Dina and she looked towards Ellie, momentary anger rushing through her. “Alright, here’s one, here’s one. What do you call somebody with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.” Jesse smiled when Ellie giggled, looking at the page Jesse had turned to in her jokebook. She robbed him off it, taking it from him and flipping through it herself. 

A smile lived on Ellie’s lips and Joel watched from afar, grateful she was able to cheer up after the gruesome events of the day. He thanked the kid, Jesse, for that. “Okay, here we go: what is the least spoken language in the world… sign language?” Jesse chuckled, shaking his head and then looking down to the ground, laughing. 

“God, these are all so terrible.” He smirked, but once again, he took the book from Ellie, swapping the page for another one and smiling silently when he saw the joke. “Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.” Ellie cackled, their hands still entwined, which just made Dina’s eyebrows knit together.  _ Stop, Dina… you’ve told Ellie you love Jesse a million times. She wouldn’t do that to you, you’re being unfair… but… would Jesse…?  _

Even if part of her knew Ellie didn’t like Jesse, Dina still had anger pointed towards the smaller girl, because she thought Jesse liked Ellie… and her anger mainly moved towards Ellie for that, even if it was unjust. Ellie grew quiet again and she looked up towards the snow barreling down. The flakes landed on her eyelashes and she shook them off, feeling dirty from the snow’s touch, as she now associated anything to do with Winter with David. Jesse’s smile dropped as Ellie’s demeanor changed, and she grew closed off again. “Hey, so, uh… Tommy’s throwing that Winter dance thing.” 

Jesse had already asked Dina, and she valiantly accepted his invitation. But, Jesse didn’t want Ellie to feel alone, especially during Winter. But once again, Dina didn’t know this, and she thought Jesse was asking Ellie to the dance, not as a friend. And that was her breaking point, and suddenly, she pushed past Ellie angrily, moving towards the front of the group and letting a tear roll down her cheek. 

Jesse’s conversation stopped as Dina marched past, anger radiating off of her. Ellie and Jesse looked to each other, confusion etching in their faces. “I’ll go.” Ellie whispered, seeing Jesse move to follow her. Jesse sighed, but nodded, watching as Ellie jogged after Dina… little did she know it’d be disastrous. “Dina, hey… what’s wrong?” Ellie asked, taking Dina’s hand but Dina didn’t squeeze it, or turn around, she simply dragged Ellie into a grove of the woods beside the road, tears dripping down her face. “Dina, what-”

“Do you love him? Jesse?” Dina asked her, her voice broken. Tears were spilling over her cheeks and Ellie’s eyes widened. Hurt bled through her when she realized that Dina thought she’d do that to her.  _ Doesn’t she trust me?  _ Ellie asked, her throat squeezing the oxygen from her body and making her feel sick. 

“No, Dina, I… I wouldn’t do that to you. You love him.” Ellie whispered the last sentence, saying it with a hidden pain. Dina had been telling her in bliss about Jesse’s and her relationship, and how much she loved Jesse for months now… and each day it hurt more. 

Dina shook her head, wiping her eyes and crying. Ellie tried to move towards her, to comfort her, but Dina swatted her off, her momentary anger blinding her better judgement and making her think and say things she never would. “So, he loves you, then. He hates me.” Dina weeped, looking towards Ellie angrily and feeling pure fury radiate from her. “Is this why you became friends with us? For Jesse?” 

Ellie felt like she’d been speared and her heart was being ripped from her chest, blood coating the thief’s hand. Ellie pushed her nails into her palms, trying to punish herself for making Dina feel like this. “W-what?” Ellie asked, feeling her own tears sting her eyes and make her skin even more freezing. “N-no… no, I don’t… no, I’d never do that. You know I’m not ready to be with anyone, after… after Winter.” Ellie swore, trying to take Dina’s hand but all of a sudden, Dina pushed her back, accidentally making Ellie fall back onto her backside on the snowy ground. 

A thin layer of shock ran through Ellie when she saw a small cut that appeared on her hand from a rock she’d hit her palm on on the ground. “Jesse never even liked me, he just was going after you. You stole him away! You never even cared about me, you were just trying to get to him, weren’t you?” Dina cried, looking at Ellie and seeing the smaller girl look up with tears in her eyes and a small exhale escaping her lips. 

Anger rushed through Ellie and she decided Dina to know. Surely being rejected had to hurt less than whatever Dina was doing now. “I never liked Jesse…” Ellie hissed, standing and holding her injured hand to her chest. Dina saw it and the high she’d been experiencing slowly came down, and she realized with horror the things she’d accused her best friend of. “I liked you… but don’t worry, I’ll stay away. I wouldn’t want to steal Jesse from you.” She whispered, tears streaming down her face. Ellie turned around, trudging deeper into the woods and forgetting about returning to Jackson. What was Jackson without Dina?   
“E-Ellie…” Dina spoke softly, but the only remainder of the other girl was her deep footsteps in the deep snow. Dina felt tears running down her cheeks and she looked at the imprint in snow where Ellie had fallen… after Dina pushed her. _What have I done? What have I done, what have I done?_ Dina chanted desperately, wanting to go into the freezing forest and run after her, but she knew the dangers of being outside the wall. _What do I do? What did I do?_

“Ellie?” It was Ellie’s father, Dina remembered, hearing footsteps approaching the grove in the woods. It had been five minutes since Ellie was dragged into the woods by Dina, and he grew concerned. And then he saw Dina…  _ alone.  _ His eyes widened and he met the girl’s shining eyes, and a layer of panic settled over him. “Dina? Where’s Ellie?” Joel asked, seeing the other set of footsteps heading into the thick forest. “Where is she?” Joel’s voice grew lower and more grovelled and Dina covered her face, wiping her tears. 

“S-she… she ran off… in the woods.” Dina answered in a haled voice, not wanting to describe the horrible things she’d said to Ellie, she was almost afraid of what her father would say. Dina watched as Joel’s face collapsed. He cursed under his breath, hesitating for a second before running and following Ellie’s trail of footsteps, his skin already cold.  _ What did I do?  _

“Ellie?!” Joel called, the wind whipping around him. He cringed, knowing Ellie’s jacket wasn’t as thick as his and he only accelerated at that thought. “Ellie!” He roared again, trying to follow the footsteps before the snow covered them up once again. His fingertips were freezing and he cursed under his breath, knowing, one, Ellie wasn’t in a well psychological state and wasn’t as aware and careful as she usually was, and, two… he didn’t know what had happened. 

Did Dina do something? Did Ellie? He knew of Ellie’s feelings for Dina and he assumed it was associated with that.  _ Oh, baby girl…  _ he thought in his mind, knowing what that feeling was: heartbreak. He’d seen it in different forms in his life. His first heartbreak was Sarah’s mother, Sarah herself, and then, of course, Tess. It hurt more each time, and he knew Ellie had experienced her own heartbreak. Riley, then Sam, now Dina. “Ellie!” Joel screamed once again, seeing a dusty structure before him. It looked like some sort of mall, but it was smaller than most, only one floor. 

He pried the door open, shoving through it and falling past the frame, tripping onto the floor. When he picked his head up, he saw the bloody corpse of a runner before him, and his blood went cold. “Ellie.” He whispered, shooting himself up and rushing through the small mall, finding more Infected bodies with each turn. Terror bled through him and finally, he saw dusty footprints in the thin layer of snow coating the floor of the mall. “Ellie!” He called, taking his pistol from his bag when he heard a series of clicks.  _ Where is she? What happened?  _

_ “Ellie,  _ you in here?” He roared, hearing the clicks grow louder and louder until finally, he saw the source. Ellie was curled in a ball on a bench, crying and not sensing the clicker sneaking up on her, attracted by her sobs. Joel’s eyes widened and he aimed his pistol, taking out the clicker quickly. Ellie’s head shot up and she looked behind her, seeing the bloodied clicker behind her and letting out a shaky exhale. “Ellie.” Joel breathed, rushing towards her. Ellie’s eyes met his and her breath hitched, feeling him scoop her up and take her in a tight hug. “ _ Don’t  _ do that again… you scared the shit out of me.” Joel exhaled, stroking her back and tightening his grip around her. “You talk to me.” He whispered, but she shook her head, her small whimpers continuing. 

“What happened?” Joel asked, his voice low as she pressed herself into his chest, trying to just melt into him. Ellie remembered Dina’s cold words, which was so uncharacteristic for her.  _ “Is this why you became friends with us? For Jesse? Did you ever even care about me?”  _ She shuddered, shutting her eyes and feeling Joel’s arms around her. Ellie remained silent, screaming mentally at herself for letting herself get her guard down. After Riley, she  _ knew  _ any relationship was a bad idea. After David, the level of comfort and self-esteem that was needed for a relationship had been torn from her but still, she let her guard down.  _ Is Dina going to talk to me? Does she hate me? Will Jesse hate me for making her cry? What’d I do wrong?  _

“Dina, she…” Ellie’s voice broke off and she shook her head, denying the truth of what had happened. What had pushed Dina over the edge? Killing those men to protect Jesse and her? Did Dina think she was a monster? What had blinded Dina’s logic so much that she said such terrible words? Ellie hoped they weren’t nearby, she couldn’t handle seeing either Jesse or Dina again.  _ Did Jesse tell her I liked him? How could she think I liked him? Does Jesse think that?  _

“She… she thought I liked Jesse, she… she said…” Ellie didn’t finish her sentence, but Joel got the gist. “I told her, and… she looked at me like… like I was some freak.” Ellie wondered if it was because she was confused at Ellie liking her, or at why Ellie liked girls. She prayed it wasn’t the ladder. Ellie couldn’t take another line of discrimination against her, or even worse, words worse than what Dina had already said. 

“Oh, baby girl…” Joel whispered, stroking her hair and letting her push her face into Joel’s jacket, trying to hide away in his arms. She sniffled, snow dusting her clothing and her hair. Joel looked around, hearing more Infected coming from the stores in the mall. “Let’s get back, okay? Let’s get you back home.” Joel murmured softly, taking her hand and slowly getting her up. 

Ellie nodded, following behind him when she, too, heard the calls of the Infected luring them in. She wiped her face, the tears freezing on her cheeks and making her cold. “Come on.” Joel whispered gently, looking back at her and quietly taking her from the small mall. Ellie realized it was the splitting image of the mall she’d first taken Joel after the University. Ellie squeezed Joel’s hand, catching up to him and quickening her pace.  _ I just want to cry right now.  _ Ellie thought, which had become a suddenly familiar feeling in her recent life. But slowly, they got back to the house. 

Ellie looked down when she saw the ranch in the distance, both the figures of Dina and Jesse inside. Were they talking about her? Were they planning on ditching her after Ellie’s confession?  _ Idiot, idiot. You’re such a fucking idiot, why did you tell her?  _ Ellie yelled at herself in her head, squeezing her nails into her wrists and breaking herself from Joel, rushing into the house and sprinting up the stairs.

Before Joel could even follow her, he heard the slam of her door and small cries emerging from upstairs, followed by terrifying silence. He felt pain lacing his features and he shut his eyes, heaving a deep sigh. Everything seemed so solid between Ellie’s group of friends, but that was a lie, they both realized.  _ She said such mean things…  _ Ellie thought, hiding under the blankets and heating herself up with her own sad exhales and tears. She heard Joel downstairs, and that made her feel slightly calmer, but her breathing was still ragged and depressed. 

Ellie heard his footsteps slowly coming up the steps and she braced herself, wiping her hair back and her tears from her face, trying to make it look better than it was. She took her dog plushie she’d come to love, she named it Sparky, and wrapped her arms around it, turning towards the wall under the comforter. Joel gently knocked on the door, propping it open slowly when she didn’t respond. Ellie’s outside clothing had been stripped and her freezing coat, scarf and hat was laid on her desk. Her journal was below it and Joel cringed when he saw entire pages had been scrawled over in vicious, black ink. “Hey…” Joel made his way towards her, sitting on the edge of the bed and stroking her back, which was covered by the blankets. 

She just pulled the blankets up and shut her eyes, taking a deep sigh and moving further away from Joel. It felt like he had been shot and Joel felt tears almost growing in his eyes. He didn’t move, he just sat beside her and held her hand while she cried, but not a sound emerged from her. “It’s okay.” Joel whispered, finally sitting beside her and laying on the bed. She turned around, hiding in his chest but still not saying a word. “It’s okay now.” He promised her, stroking her hair and brushing the freezing snow from the dark red locks. 

After a minute of her stillness, he looked down and realized she’d fallen to slumber in his grip, tears still decorating her cheeks. He brought her close to him, wiping her tears and kissing her forehead with love.  _ It’s okay.  _ He thought, keeping her in his arms and bringing the covers up to her neck. “Night, baby.” It was almost six or seven, since the group had been at the dam the better part of the day, miraculously able to get the power back. If the power were to go out during Winter, it’d be a frivolous and freezing Winter. Joel was glad for Ellie’s sake that he’d been able to make the season a little easier for her. It was a few days before Christmas… Ellie had just been devolving into a further pit of depression and fear as the months continued. 

Joel had been building up Christmas, trying to make anything positive about Winter for her. Ellie tried to smile when he brought up memories of Sarah and Christmas before the Outbreak, and she tried to talk to him about what she was feeling… but, it was hard. She was so uncomfortable talking about David and what the man had done to her, and Joel knew it. He tried to make the weight on her shoulders any less apparent, and even though it was a desperate attempt, it was a failing one. Every day, she grew quieter, her jokes became fewer and more time passed in between each one, and her smiles grew rarer. Joel was watching her suffer before him and he had never felt so helpless and idiotic. He was useless to her, or so, he thought. 

Joel tried to get her gifts for Christmas. It killed him; she'd never even celebrated a birthday or holiday before Joel, and he wanted her first Christmas to be happy… even if it was near impossible due to her abject fear of Winter. She was so scared during the season, any little sound made her jump as if a gunshot had gone off. Ellie took her gun anywhere and everywhere. Joel moved his eyes from her sleeping frame, seeing the pistol on the nightstand. He felt in her pocket, slipping the knife from her pocket and gently placing it beside the firearm.  _ Goddammit.  _ He thought, looking at the weapons and feeling sick. 

He was so sorry that she had to live in a world where those things were necessary for her to get through the day. He felt sick that she didn’t feel safe enough to go around without them, and he felt like a failure of a father. He felt like he was doing everything wrong every time that Ellie left the house with her gun, or with the trauma of what that  _ bastard  _ had done to her slowly eating her away. 

Sometimes, Joel wished he could go back and deal with that monster himself. He had molested and assaulted her and Joel would give anything to deal with the motherfucker before he could even look in Ellie’s direction. She’d recovered -as much as she could- from Winter, but now it had returned, bringing her memories she tried to bury deep in her. 

Ellie’s breathing began to accelerate and his vision snapped towards her. He brushed her hair, stroking her back and trying to tell her sleeping body that he was still right there beside her. A whisper came from her lips, and he resented the name that the hushed exhale formed. Joel’s eyebrows furrowed together and he pulled her closer to him, covering himself with the blankets slightly and laying her face in front of his. They shared the pillow, and Ellie was leaned against the wall, while Joel laid beside her, staring into her sleeping expression. 

She used to look peaceful sleeping, but now she looked like she was on the verge of death. Joel cursed, stroking her back and moving closer to her, holding her in his chest and shutting his eyes. The feeling of sleep began to run through him and quickly, with the comfort of Ellie in his grip, he slumbered. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

“I didn’t mean to say anything, I’m so sorry.” Dina whispered, looking up at Jesse with a sick expression. It had been a day… and Dina was watching Ellie’s door, desperate to see the girl again, but there was no soul exiting the house. Ellie was broken… and Dina was the cause of it. She felt like dying. Jesse paced up and down the barn, his eyes meeting Ellie and Joel’s house and then Dina’s wet face. Dina sickly remembered that she’d almost mocked Ellie for Winter and she suddenly wanted to throw up.  _ ‘You know I’m not ready to be with anyone, a-after… after Winter.’ ‘And, yet, you still like Jesse.’  _ Dina cringed, screwing her eyes shut and leaning against the barn wall. One of Ellie’s jackets was on the clothes hook on the barn’s doors and she turned away, guilt living in her.  _ ‘Winter’s comin’... Ellie’s gon’ need help getting through it.’ Some best friend I am.  _ Dina remembered Tommy’s words, looking up to Jesse, who was still walking back and forth. “I-I didn’t mean to make her upset, I just… I thought…” Dina’s sentence didn’t continue and she sighed, burying her head in her arms. “Do you think she’ll talk to me again?” 

Jesse sighed, sitting down beside Dina and shrugging. Dina sniffled, wiping her nose with her sleeve and looking at Jesse. “I don’t like Ellie… like that. I asked her to the dance to get her out.” Jesse whispered, looking to Dina’s shaky expression. She felt horrible and her hands were shaking with anger at herself.  _ I’m such a bitch.  _ Dina thought, looking Jesse in the eyes and heaving a deep exhale. “I’m sorry… for making you feel like that.”

“Stop. I was being insane, I just was stressed and I  _ took it out on Ellie. _ ” Dina croaked, growling and standing up, taking Jesse’s place in pacing the room. “I said such horrible things, I pushed her. What if she’s hurt? What if she got hurt because she ran off,  _ because of me _ ?” Dina panted, her voice slowly wavering and finally collapsing, making her cry more. 

“Hey, no. Ellie can take care of herself, and Joel went after her.” Jesse assured her, taking her hand and pulling her back towards him, making her sit down. He pushed his arm around her, holding her close to him and looking down at her. “Plus, we saw them come back. She’s fine.” 

“That’s not what I meant.” Dina whispered, hiding her head in Jesse’s chest and sniffling, taking in the smell of him and finding it relaxed her. “She looked so destroyed…” Dina whispered, looking into Jesse’s eyes and shaking her head. She didn’t tell Jesse about what Ellie had admitted to her… Dina didn’t want to embarrass Ellie anymore than she already had, and Jesse didn’t need to know. He just needed to know how much Dina had destroyed her. “It was like I couldn’t see anything beside her and you… I’m such a terrible person.” Dina breathed and Jesse shook his head, suddenly framing her face and pressing his lips against hers. He slowly pulled away, looking into her eyes.

“She’ll forgive you… we just need to think of something. I’ll help you, okay?” Jesse asked and Dina suddenly kissed him again, then falling into his arms and letting her hug him until she felt even a small break of the weight on her body dissipate. 

“Hey, Ellie.” Joel nudged her. She was playing with her cereal, pushing the spoon in and out watching the liquid drip down into the bowl again. “... one more day ‘till Christmas.” Joel whispered, trying to cheer her up. She nodded, looking around at the boxes covering the floor. Joel had returned from a trip earlier in the day with boxes of Christmas decorations for Ellie and him to set up. He wanted to take her mind off of Winter, and of course the heartbreak that had happened the previous day and the freezing, vicious words Dina had said to her.  _ Will she talk to me again? Did  _ I  _ do something wrong?  _ “Reckon you wanna help me set these up, then?” Joel asked her, taking her hand and slowly leading her away from the kitchen’s island, bringing her towards one of the boxes. 

“I still don’t get this whole tree thing.” Ellie mumbled, looking towards the medium sized tree in the corner of the room. Branches and fallen leaves were swiped by the floor under the tree and Ellie looked up at the tree, finding it odd. “So fucking weird.” She shrugged, looking to Joel and seeing his smirk at her confusion. “Oh, shut up.” Ellie smiled, throwing a pillow at him. He caught it, setting it back down on the couch and opening one of the boxes. 

Ellie watched as he pulled out a long string of garland, dropping the end on the floor while he pulled it out. “The fuck is this stuff?” Ellie asked, fingering the plastic material, but Joel took it from her, walking towards the tree. 

“Well, you don’t jus’ leave the tree blank. You decorate it, with lights, and sparkles, and stuff.” Ellie snickered, shaking her head and walking towards him, helping him slowly wrap the garland around the tree. Finally, they’d made it to the lights, with a thin layer of glitter covering both of their hands from the garland. “See, now you wrap these around. Here, hold this, kiddo.” Joel ordered softly, handing her the cord of the lights and walking around the tree, tying it around the bottom. Ellie shuffled over, trying to reach the top but failing. “Shortie.” He whispered and she glared at him, hitting his arm, but a small smirk curled on her lips. He was grateful, as after she’d awoken from her sleep in the current morning, they hadn’t really talked. Ellie was on autopilot, moving around and not really paying attention to Joel’s words, for the first time ever. 

“It’s not my fault that you’re  _ freakishly  _ tall, old man.” Ellie growled, moving towards one of the boxes and pulling out a box of scarlet-red, glass orbs. “What are these?” Ellie asked, pulling out and rubbing a thin layer of dust off of the material. “They look weird.” Her own reflection met her eyes and she turned away, ashamed of her person. When Winter returned, her self esteem didn’t. After David, it had toppled and any confidence she had in her beauty, body or talent was gone like the warmth in the air. Joel sighed, moving towards her and taking it from her hands, looking at it warmly. 

“Ya hang ‘em on the tree, make it look all nice and pretty. Sarah hated these ones… she used to make me make some for us… carve ‘em. Reckon I have some of them around somewhere.” Joel spoke, remembering the dogs and the animals Sarah had forced him to make for her. She loved each and everyone one of them, even if he didn’t end up finishing some of them… she still hung every single one up. She was too kind for her age, and too smart. Joel would give anything to get Sarah back, but in a way he did: with Ellie. He had become a father again, something he thought he would never have to do again. If he’d been told what was going to happen years before meeting Ellie, he would’ve denied it, or ran away from his emotions… but Ellie had taught him to confront his feelings, now she had to learn that from him once again. “See, c’mere.” Ellie watched as Joel hung it on the tree, leaving it on the edge and letting the branch sink down slightly. “Here, you do it.” Joel whispered, handing her a reindeer ornament and letting her move it towards the tree. “See? Now we make it look all nice.” 

Ellie looked back towards him, getting another ornament and slowly decorating the tree, momentarily losing the ability to mourn Dina’s uncrackable friendship with her. “Who the fuck came up with this?” Ellie giggled, taking a Santa Claus ornament and inspecting it. It was made of clay, and looked like a child had made it. A small speck of blood was on the corner and Ellie turned it around, seeing a child’s handwriting on the back.  _ Paige, 2006. 3rd Grade. Must’ve been a school project.  _ Ellie read in her head, wrinkling her eyebrows in confusion.  _ Was this what people did back then?  _ Ellie mourned the school where they made arts and crafts instead of learning what method was most effective to stab a firefly, or how to break a neck. 

“I dunno… just tradition, I guess.” The snow was heavier today, and dark clouds were looming over Jackson, making it dark. It was ten or eleven A.M. She’d woken up early and suddenly, gasping for air and letting Joel quickly go through the cycle in which he tried to comfort her after a nightmare. But this time, it wasn’t even a nightmare, it was just a replay of those awful moments after she’d run away. 

_ “Ellie…” She heard Dina calling her but she ignored, sprinting as quickly as she could, running away from the confrontation and from her feelings for Dina.  _ What the  _ fuck  _ was I thinking? Why did I say that? How could I be so dumb?  _ Ellie saw a building in front of her and she jogged towards it, wanting to take shelter from the storm. She knew she had to turn back at some point, she knew Joel was probably worrying… but she just couldn’t do it right now.  _

“Ellie!”  _ It was his voice… Joel… Ellie looked back, shutting the mall’s doors behind her and running forward, her cries running through the empty building. Suddenly, something tackled her and she let out a small scream, seeing a runner beat his hands against her. Ellie growled, taking her knife and thrashing it into the Infected’s neck, feeling the body collapse against her. She threw it off, running away and just sprinting until she couldn’t feel anything anymore.  _

_ Ellie lept onto a bench, curling her knees into her arms and burying her head in them, letting out small sobs.  _ Ellie, what did you do?  _ She asked herself, hearing nothing but a roaring in her ears and remembering Dina’s shocked face. She looked down at the small cut on her wrist from when Dina had pushed her, then her bite mark. Dina looked at her like such a freak, like she was a failed experiment.  _

_ Ellie cursed at herself for letting herself get her guard down. Part of her knew it was going to go wrong in some way, she knew something was going to happen… and still, she had faith. That’d be the last time, she swore to herself, not wanting to get hurt again. ‘Did you ever care about me?’ Those were Dina’s words, and it reflected Riley’s in so many nightmares Ellie had conceived. _

_ Abruptly ending Ellie’s train of miserable thought, a gunshot rang through the air and she spun around, seeing the bloody corpse of a clicker barely an inch from her, one of her strands of hair in its hand. “Ellie!” Joel’s voice bled through her and she slowly turned around, seeing his figure abruptly take her into a tight hug. “Thank God… you scared the shit out of me… don’t you do that again… you talk to me.” Joel scolded her, but he was really upset, just relieved she was alright… for the most part.  _

“Tell me about more?” Ellie asked, meeting his eyes and seeing him mentally look back into his memories. He sighed, unpacking the box and handling more ornaments, which she graciously hung on the tree. It was beginning to look like an actual Christmas tree and she looked up at the lights. Joel had plugged them in so now, the entire room was dusted in a murky, colorflow glow. 

“There was this story, back when I was a kid. Some myth about some man named Johnny… Appleseed, I think.” Ellie stifled a laugh, impatiently waiting to hear what foolish story Joel would talk about. “They said he just ran around the country, eating from people’s orchards. He had a tin on his head, like armor, and a bag of books.” Ellie giggled, looking up at him and seeing he was serious. She only laughed more, throwing her head back and cackling. “It’s true, it’s true.” 

“That’s so fucking stupid.” Ellie laughed, continuing to load more charms and ornaments onto the tree until, finally, it actually resembled a tree. “Hey, look.” Ellie smiled, proud of her work and standing in front of it proudly. Her hands rested on her hips and Joel smirked, taking his hand and rustling her hair. “Hey! Y’know, one day you’re going to regret doing that.” Ellie grumbled, wiping the strands of loose hair behind her ears and trying to fix the ‘damage’ Joel had caused. 

He chuckled, looking back to the tree and frowning. “Now, wait a minute, you forgot the most important part.” Joel spoke softly, reaching into the box and taking the last object from it, holding it up to Ellie. “Ya put a star at the top, for good luck.” Ellie snorted, turning her nose up but taking the star. She walked over to the tree, reaching up towards the top and trying to push it on. “Careful, careful.” Joel warned, seeing she couldn’t reach it and was inches away from knocking it onto the floor and making it shatter. “Here.” Joel lifted her up by her hips and she giggled, but put the star onto the top, making the room glow even more. 

Joel slowly let her back down, returning her to the floor and looking down at her with a charismatic smile. Joel took her hand, both of them looking up at the tree. She leaned into him, taking a deep breath and shutting her eyes, feeling the warmth of the lights reflect onto her skin. “There we go. Finished.” Ellie whispered, opening her eyes and looking up at him. He nodded, mussing her hair once again and turning out towards the boxes again. 

“Here we go. Tommy must’ve gotten these from Texas…” He whispered, taking a hand carved ornament from the box and presenting it to Ellie. “Early Christmas gift?” He asked, letting her inspect it. Joel watched her take in the shape of the wood. It was carved into a fairy and wings protruding from its back. Designs were curved into the wings and the outfit and Ellie smiled, looking up at Joel. On one of the wings, there was a message, left in time from when Joel had first carved it for his first daughter.  _ Sarah. Merry Christmas, I love you… Dad.  _ Ellie smiled, knowing that in some way, those words were now for her as well. 

“I love you.” Ellie suddenly whispered, catching him off guard, but it was a welcome surprise. Ellie wrapped her hands around his neck, pulling him down towards her and taking him into a hug. He let out a soft chuckle, staring down at her and hugging her back, stroking her hair. It was pouring snow outside and it was so thick that it piled up towards the windows.  _ Guess we’re snowed in.  _ He shrugged, finding he didn’t care. 

Joel stroked her back, comforting her when he heard her breathing in the smell of him. He smelled like woods, and like the scent of coffee. Joel still employed the coffee beans that Ellie had traded for him, and he made good on the promise of getting her new pens to replace the ones she had sacrificed for him, but she’d need to wait for that until Christmas morning. “I love you, too.” He murmured back, letting her slowly pull herself away and heaving a deep sigh. 

They still hadn’t discussed, in full depth -at least-, what had happened with Dina the previous day. Ellie didn’t want to. She loved Joel, but discussing girls with him made her uncomfortable. She wasn’t used to being accepted. Marlene certainly didn’t think emotion was a good idea, whether it be with girls or boys.  _ “Your life is  _ everything,  _ Ellie. Keep your focus on the mission. Don’t get distracted.”  _ But with Joel, he cared about her happiness, and nothing else. 

He worried about her, he asked her if she was okay, which she didn’t have back in the Zone. Ellie couldn’t remember the last time someone -besides Joel- asked her if she was okay… maybe Jesse, or… or Dina. “Alright, c’mon, baby. Let’s get all of this set up before Christmas tomorrow.” He softly spoke, separating them and gesturing towards the two remaining boxes of decorations. 

“‘Kay, Dad.” She smiled, trotting towards the boxes and excitedly tearing them open, her depression temporarily evaporated. And so, the evening continued, both of their laughs and smiles keeping the other warm in the freezing Christmas Eve. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is part one of two, this came out longer than inspected and i didn't want to break off right after ellie and joel got home, and wanted to add some more fluff at the end with joel and ellie. i also wanted to build up to Christmas, and build up Christmas where dina will try and get ellie to forgive her. loved this request so much, was so hyped to write this haha. i just got a drawing tablet, so chapters might be like 2-3 days instead of every day since i'm trying to practice with that and get better at using photoshop. if you guys want i can sport some more of my fanart, since i'm making more with my tablet. k, moving on, requests are open, so if you have a request, feel free to ask, i love hearing your guys' feedback! comments and kudos are appreciated and as always, update in a few days, and thanks so much to everyone for reading, love all of u! <3


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie recovers from the events at the dam; it's Christmas morning.

_ She woke up, and the first thing she felt was the pain in her lower body. Ellie opened her eyes, gasping and looking around. Her small body was in a small room. The windows were boarded up and Ellie sickly realized she had been knocked unconscious and dragged into a bathtub… by that  _ bastard.  _ David… Ellie let out a gasp when she realized the pain in her torso and her longing for Joel increased.  _ Where am I? What did he do to me?  _ Her face broke and she realized with disease what he had done to her.  _ Oh my God… oh my God.  _ Ellie looked down, looking at herself and when she pulled down her jeans, she saw blood and scars.  _

_ Ellie let out a terrified peep and fell back into the bathtub, her hand clasped over her mouth.  _ Oh my God…  _ Ellie let out a scream and she hid her head in her hands, sobs racking her body.  _ No, no. No.  _ She felt disgusting and Ellie realized there was a burning sensation all along her, David’s touch. She scrubbed her skin, making it hurt and bleed, she just wanted to get David’s touch off of her.  _

_ Cries were escaping her mouth and she hid in her arms, trying to pretend it was Joel’s.  _ I want Joel… I want Joel, I want Joel.  _ Ellie wept Joel’s name, hoping he would appear next to her and just hug her tightly. It had been nearly two months since he’d been awake, or able to even move. Half of the time he called Sarah’s name, the other half was Ellie’s. Sometimes tears would drip from his eyes and she just wrapped her arms around him when he slept. Ellie wished he could just wake up and be okay again… she’d give anything. But suddenly, terror set in and she realized what David had done to her. The floor was ripped out underneath her and she realized she needed to shut up. ‘Things happen and we move on.’  _ I need to get out of here… Joel needs me. 

_ Ellie tried to get up but she tripped, having to rest her hand on the edge of the bathtub just to step over it. David had bruised her, every bit of skin from her chest to her upper thighs. She felt disgusting and she considered just ending it, but Ellie knew Joel needed her. There was no way he had woken, so there was a chance they’d found him.  _ I need to get back…  _ She tried to stop the tears protruding from her face but she failed. Pained gasps were muffled by her hand and Ellie slowly stood, trudging towards the chained door and struggling against the lock. “Shit.” Ellie whispered, her voice completely shattered.  _

_ It felt like she wasn’t ever going to be okay again, and she felt dehumanized. It was like any sort of good in her life had been skinned from her. She searched her jeans, feeling rips in the fabric and squeezing her eyes shut. Her knife was nowhere to be found and it felt like she was naked. “No…” Ellie murmured, patting herself in a state of panic and looking around desperately. A corpse laid in the corner of the room and Ellie realized with horror it was a girl her age, or once had been. Her stripped body was nearing the stage of being a skeleton, and the disgusting, rancid stench of flesh and sweat was filling the room. “Please.” Ellie begged, breathing in relief when she saw a chain-cutter by the body.  _ I’m sorry.  _ Ellie looked at the corpse, taking the cutters and rushing back to the door and breaking the chains.  _

_ They fell to the wooden floor with a small ring. Ellie wrapped her hands around the doorknob, pushing it desperately and wanted to escape the room. Horror was slowly setting in and she came to terms with what David did.  _ I just need to get back to Joel… I need Joel.  _ Ellie thought and finally, the door gave way. She fell, looking up and seeing a snowy mess. It was some sort of restaurant and Ellie shot herself up, looking for any sort of clothing. She was in an undershirt and was freezing. Dark, bloody hand-prints littered her body and she felt sick.  _

_ Suddenly, she fell onto her knees, vomit escaping her lips and landing beside her. Ellie’s stomach was completely empty, so she only released bile. “Fuck…” She sobbed, wiping her lips and trying to regain herself. “Come on, Ellie… fucking get up.” Her confidence in herself was toppled and she screamed at herself, ridiculing her own purpose and forcing herself up, even if her body forbade it.  _

_ She made her way towards the exit of the restaurant, pulling the door open and suddenly feeling something push her back onto the ground. “There you are.” David growled, quickly hopping onto her tiny body and keeping her down. Ellie screamed, terror escaping her lips as she looked into David’s eyes.  _

“ _ GET OFF OF ME _ !”  _ Ellie screeched, pushing David off desperately and somehow managing to scramble out from beneath his grip. Before she could make a full escape, bullets ran through the air and one brushed the side of her arm. She yelped, pressing her hand to her bicep and focusing on David’s footsteps, trying to evade him.  _

_ Sobs betrayed her and she kept her mouth covered by her sleeve. Tatters lived in her clothing and fury suddenly radiated from her.  _ He… he raped me.  _ Ellie realized, furrowing her eyebrows and seeing the back of the bastard. Ellie exhaled, seeing her knife ridden in one of the diner’s chairs. She ripped it from the seat, moving towards David and suddenly leaping onto him, driving the blade into his shoulder. “Fuck you!” Ellie roared, thrashing the blade in once more before David shook her off, and she ran, hiding once again.  _

_ David pressed his hand against the wood, his breathing slower. “That was good, kid.” David whispered, his eyes crazily searching for his property. “You’ll make a nice fit.” He murmured, poking his head around the chairs, his boots stepping on crushed plates beneath him.  _ I need to get out of here… I can’t be here right now. I need Joel.  _ “C’mon out…” David hissed, seeing Ellie as she suddenly hopped onto him, thrashing her blade into his body once again but he smacked his hand against her as hard as he could, watching her body slink unconscious. But slowly, due to the loss of blood, he joined her, falling limp.  _

Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.  _ Ellie demanded, shooting up and feeling her body disagree. Every part of her hurt and she noticed David a few feet from her, his body slowly coming to.  _ No.  _ She shook her head, seeing his machete a few feet from her. Ellie crawled forward slowly, tears rolling down her cheeks and cries escaping her lips. “Joel…” She croaked, moving forward with the presence of that name. But suddenly, David’s footsteps approached her and something abruptly sent her over.  _

_ His feet thrashed into her ribs, making a sick  _ crack  _ run through the air. Ellie howled in pain, squeezing her eyes shut and clinging to the carpet beneath her. “Fuck…” Ellie weeped, looking up towards David. He began to move towards her, stroking her hair. Ellie shook herself from him, having nearly no fight left in her.  _ I need to get to Joel, I need to get to Joel.  _ She chanted, beginning to move towards the machete again, now inches away from it. “Get off of me.” Ellie sobbed, feeling him turn her around again and grope her uncomfortably. “Stop.” She pleaded, squinting her eyes and kicking, trying to get him off of her.  _

_ “You should try begging.” David snarled, wrapping his hands around Ellie’s throat and squeezing as hard as he could, making gasps for air escape Ellie’s lips. A bloody bite mark rested on her lips and David smiled, pressing his lips against hers in a disgusting manner. Ellie screeched, biting him hard and making him recoil.  _

_ David continued choking her and she screwed her eyes shut, her hands reaching for the machete. She knew she was near it, and hoped it was in reach. “You think you know me? Well, let me fill you in… you have  _ no idea  _ what I’m capable of.” He hissed, throwing her back against the floor and bruising her skin. “Listen here-”  _

_ Ellie finally got hold of the blade and she abruptly ended his attack, forcing the machete into David’s neck and hearing his bloody scream. She relished it,  _ she enjoyed it,  _ and that made her feel even worse. “Fuck you!” Ellie was broken and she threw the machete down once again, pushing it in and out of the man’s skin and watching the blood fly across her face. She sat on him, forcing the weapon in and out of his head, driving it in and out as quickly as she could, just trying to certify his death.  _

_ Footsteps appeared behind her and she spun around, just in time to take in the sight of someone wrapping their arms around her. “Don’t you FUCKING touch me!” Ellie screamed, fighting against the grip and trying to pry herself out, but the arms didn’t let go. “Let go of me!”  _

_ “Ellie, it’s me… it’s me.” Ellie shook her head, continuing to fight and wanting desperately to continue her crusade against David. Icy shock was playing in her limbs, making her blood travel up her veins and making her immobile. “It’s me.” Hands took her head and gently steered it towards a face. It was Joel’s face.  _

_ Ellie felt herself break and she let out a shaky sob, meeting Joel’s eyes. They were full of fear and frost lived on Joel’s skin. “It’s me.” He assured her, letting her dive back into his arms and sob uncontrollably, her body hurting like it never had before. “It’s okay.” He tried to tell her but she shook her head, looking back down to the blood on her jeans and gasping for air.  _

_ Her throat felt like it was crushed beyond repair, after David’s assault. “H-he… he…” Ellie didn’t finish her sentence, but Joel understood the meaning. Joel’s eyes averted to the body beside Ellie and his eyes shaped into a furious, vindictive shade. A pit in his stomach grew and grew as Ellie’s crying continued. He cursed under his breath, holding her tighter before making her look into his eyes with a gentle touch. She was covered in blood and her lips were affixed with a dark red shade of the liquid.  _

_ A gash on her arm made the pain in her body continue and, of course, the injuries on her bottom half made her nearly vomit again. “Sh, sh… it’s okay. It’s okay now. I’m never going to let anyone touch you again.” Joel promised, but she just kept sobbing, a muffled scream coming from her lips.  _

Ellie jumped awake, pants and panicked breaths filling her lungs. When she awoke, a terrified scream escaped her lips and she looked around, sensing Joel’s absence.  _ Joel… Joel, Joel?  _ She chanted, feeling panic ensue in her body. Her body felt like it was on fire and she jumped up from under the covers, her chest raising rapidly and decreasing. “Joel!” Ellie’s panicked voice called out for him and she heard footsteps racing up the stairs. Fear crawled up her veins, choking her, but finally, she saw Joel’s face meet hers. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m right here.” He whispered, rushing towards her and wrapping his arms around her, rubbing her back. She breathed heavily, closing her eyes and wiping her hair back, letting her high slowly come down and removing the panic from her system. “It’s okay, baby girl.” Joel assured her, seeing the sweat and tears on her pillow. He stroked her back, whispering in her ear and trying to comfort her. “It’s alright…” 

He cringed, smelling the scent of eggs and bacon from downstairs. ‘ _ Yeah, Sarah always made me make us some bacon and eggs, every Christmas mornin’... daggum, that girl loved bacon.’ He chuckled, looking to Ellie and brushing her hair out, his arms around her.  _ “I’m sorry… I’m sorry.” Ellie whispered, breaking from Joel’s arms and leaning against the wall, her feet nestled in the bed’s throw blanket. “I’m sorry… I keep seeing him.” Ellie whispered, hiding her head in her hands and sniffling. She was dressed in one of his sweatshirts. During the winter, having his smell surrounding her comforted her.

On the road, their odors and their flaws were what certified to each other that their counterpart was close. So, wearing his jackets, or during the summer, treating boxers like pajamas made her feel safer after what transpired in Winter. “Oh, baby… don’t you  _ dare  _ say you’re sorry.” He whispered, pulling her head up gently and kissing her forehead gently. “You’ve been through too much…” He croaked, feeling guilty he wasn’t able to be there during Winter. If only he would have woken up. Maybe if he got up, he could’ve gotten off his ass and saved her from that animal. Maybe she wouldn’t be as destroyed. “You’re doin’ amazing-”

“No, don’t… don’t say that.” Ellie whispered, looking in his eyes and turning away. She sighed, tying her hair up and wiping her tears. Joel watched her clean herself up and she freed herself from the comforters, trying to recover from her horrifying memory. When she first realized what exactly David had done to her she considered not breathing any longer, but the thought of Joel pulled her out. “Don’t say you’re proud of me when I feel so lost.” She murmured, burying her head in his chest suddenly and letting him take her in a hug once again. “I feel so cold.” She whispered, but she didn’t mean physically. 

“Oh, baby…” Joel whispered, his face dissolving into one of tragedy. He stroked her back and she sniffled, wiping her eyes and sighing. 

“Alright, you know what? No, we’re not doing this. It’s Christmas. So, we can just ignore this for a day, please?” Ellie asked and he sighed, seeing her extreme discomfort in the topic. “Please?” She asked again, her expression slowly lightening as she pushed her anxieties down. 

“Okay, kiddo.” Joel sighed, taking her hand and slowly leading her downstairs. Ellie noticed a small group of gifts under the tree, some of them the ones she’d gotten for Joel, and some from her father. “Reckon you’ll like this, here, c’mere.” Joel waved her over, showing her the plate of bacon. She breathed the smell in deeply, smiling and downing two of the pieces. She seemed to already be feeling better, and Joel smiled, rustling her hair. 

“Alright, wait, wait. Close your eyes.” Ellie requested as they moved towards the Christmas Tree. Ellie pulled him along, placing him in front of the tree and smirking at him, proud of her gift. She kneeled in front of it, taking up one of her presents for Joel and looking to his shut eyes. It was poorly wrapped, really just covered in scrunched paper with a ribbon around it. Joel smiled, feeling the present being placed in his hands. “Okay… open.” Ellie looked nervous and Joel smirked at her, opening the gift and seeing it was a sheet of paper. 

Joel turned it around, seeing it was a watercolor painting of himself, with his guitar in his hands. He was seated in a chair, and his body contradicted the watercolor background, as he was colored in acrylic. “Do… do you like it?” Ellie asked anxiously and he looked up at her, grinning like a child. 

“This is amazin’, baby.” He whispered and her face lit up like the lights dancing on the tree’s branches beside them. “This is really good.” He repeated, taking her hand and squeezing it before standing, taking a bare frame from the fireplace’s mantle. “Here we go.” He murmured softly, fitting the painting into the frame and resting it on the mantle agai. When he turned around, she had a golden smile, and it seemed like she’d completely forgotten the horrifying memory she had been forced to relive. “Okay… close your eyes.” He quoted her, looking towards a case behind the tree. He had  _ finally  _ finished the decal on her guitar, and of course, completed staining it. The wires were brand new, and he made sure it was in tune, as her interest in the instrument had grown and grown as Joel and her got closer and closer until eventually, they’d become inseparable. 

He took the case, unlocking it and placing the guitar in her hands. Her smile grew even more and she tried to open her eyes but he shook his head. “No, keep ‘em closed, keep ‘em closed.” He whispered softly, placing the guitar in her small hands and letting her hold it correctly. Ellie’s breath hitched and he tuned the wires slightly, playing the strings and smirking. 

Ellie’s face was one of glee and she plucked the top string slightly, letting out a giggle. “Joel-” 

“Sh, sh… just keep them closed.” He uttered gently, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear and finally taking his hands from hers. “Alright…” He smirked, looking at her expectant expression and taking in the sight of her fingers brushing the strings slightly.   
“Okay… think of a name. A stage name.” Joel ordered softly, hearing her giggle run through her ears. Ellie pressed her lips together, humming and trying to think of something. “Can be anything.” He assured her, a small smile on his lips. 

Ellie finally came to something and she grinned, nearly opening her eyes again. “Alright… um… Angle Knives.” Ellie smiled, remembering when Riley had played the game with her in Raj’s Arcade Store… It was the night of her death. “Yeah… Angel Knives.” Joel snickered, watching her brush dust from the strings and take in the smell of freshly stained wood. 

Wood-dust was laid across the top of the strings, right in the middle of the labyrinth of strings, for freshly carved, was the rough sketch of a giraffe’s neck, stretching down the arm of the guitar. “You’re in a concert. Big stadium, hundreds of people… picture it.” Ellie nodded, shutting her eyes and moving her head around. 

Thousands of people had come to see  _ her.  _ Spotlights illuminated her hair and she smiled, waving to them and hearing their ecstatic applause. They all looked so happy,  _ because of her.  _ People her age, men and women coming to see her and listen to  _ her. Like she mattered.  _ “You got your guitar in your hands. It’s sunny, and you’re on stage. It smells like… popcorn. And you’re all fancied up.” He whispered, seeing her body react to his words. She was dressed in a dark red, laced dress that enveloped all of her body. Her hair was braided behind her and there was no danger. 

There wasn’t anything to fret about… no Infected, no  _ hunters,  _ no killing. The world was okay again, and  _ she  _ was okay again. “Everyone’s cheerin’ your name.” Joel murmured, whispering Ellie’s name in her ear and making it sound like applause. Ellie giggled, spreading a toothy grin and feeling her body warm. Winter receded just for a second and it was just Joel and her. 

Ellie was back on the stage and she looked to the curtains beside her, showing the backstage. Joel was standing there, and his clothes were clean. He had a magical smile on his face and the look of pure pride was reflecting through him. He suddenly came onstage beside her and the cheering got louder. Ellie laughed, feeling Joel’s aura around her and she grinned. “You start playin’, and everyone starts cheering.” 

Ellie laughed, trying to think of what song to play. Then, she remembered Joel’s song that he had played for her when they first got to Jackson. “ _ If I ever were to lose you, I’d surely lose myself.”  _ Ellie began, her voice husky but smooth at the same time. Joel joined her in her massive smile and he watched her play, listening to her song. “ _ Everything that I have found, dear, I’ve not found by myself.”  _

Joel’s body warmed and he suddenly sat up, getting his guitar from across the room and plucking the strings along with her. Ellie giggled when she heard his voice joining hers as they performed a duet. “ _ Try and sometimes you'll succeed to make this man of me…”  _ Joel finished her sentence, keeping his eyes trained on Ellie’s beautiful smile as he played.  _ I don’t deserve you. Not at all.  _ He thought, playing the strings with her and watching her lips curl up in joy. 

He was relieved he was able to find some way to keep Winter from her brain. Each day it got worse and worse, and he was forced to watch her suffer before him.  _ ‘I just want Winter to be over.’  _ Her voice echoed in his mind and he shut his eyes, trying not to picture her horrified scream after he had found her in the restaurant. Her sobs and cries of his name poisoned him at night and terrified him. Sometimes his brain would taunt him and show him flashes of her dead body, making it seem like she was no longer beside him in their sleep. “ _ All my stolen broken parts, I’ve no need for anymore.”  _ They sang, their voices harmonizing as they both played the same lyrics. 

Ellie’s eyes remained closed and she imagined Joel and her, singing on a stage in front of millions. They were all cheering the duo’s names, and smiles were on each person’s faces. Ellie imagined t-shirts with her drawings on them, and her stage name plastered across a build-board. “ _ Because I believe… and I believe because I can see. Our future days… days of you and me.”  _ Joel spiffed the last section of guitar and a comfortable silence fell over them. “Alright… you can open ‘em now.” Joel whispered, smiling at her and realizing tears were pooling in both of their eyes. 

Ellie smiled up at him, placing the guitars beside them and suddenly jumping into Joel’s arms, feeling his arms wrap around her. “I love you, Dad.” She murmured suddenly and his tear dripped down his cheek, landing on her back. Joel smiled, stroking her back and looking at the shredded wrapping paper. It was nearly a foot high of just paper and Ellie laughed, looking at the mess. “Okay, I, um… I got you one more thing.” Ellie whispered, scared of how Joel would react. “I, um… alright, just… shut your eyes.” Ellie repeated once again, clasping her hand gently over his eyes and sighing, reaching for the last present under the tree. 

Ellie’s hands shook as she gently pressed the small box into Joel’s hand. Fear was shooting through her and she slowly removed her hand, looking into his eyes. “Um… happy birthday.” She muttered nervously, looking into Joel’s eyes as he unwrapped the box. When he saw a coppery watch, his breath hitched. He went silent and Ellie immediately cursed at herself. “I’m sorry, I… I didn’t want to make it seem like-” 

“Ellie, sh. This is the best thing you could’ve given me, baby girl.” He assured her, looking into her eyes and letting another teardrop release from his eyes. Ellie brushed it away with her thumb and looked up at him, scared she made his trauma worse. Joel fingered the material of the glass, taking the leather and wrapping it around his wrist, placing it below him and tying it onto his wrist. “Thank you.” Joel looked directly in her eyes and she smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Well, I try.” She whispered, looking into his eyes and feeling him suddenly hug her tighter, contradicting his usually rough barriers. They stayed like that, buried in the wrapping paper and just hiding in each other’s arms. Snow buried the landscape outside and Ellie turned away from the windows, wanting to forget they were in Winter once again. Suddenly, the smell of smoke began to drift in the kitchen and Ellie’s nose wrinkled. She separated from Joel, looking around them. “Do you smell-”

“Shit!” Joel saw the bacon begin to smoke and he rushed towards the stove, switching it off and tossing the bacon onto a plate. It looked charred black and he growled, trying to shake it but it was nearly ash. “Goddammit.” Ellie let out a laugh, walking towards him and smiling. 

“C’mon, Joel, I think it’s just time you admit I’m better at cooking than you.” Ellie teased and he faked a glare. Joel’s hand wrapped around the plate and he dumped the ash into the trash, closing it and slipping the plate into the sink. Suddenly, a knock at the door sounded and Ellie jumped, turning around and reaching for her knife, 

Joel frowned at her jumpiness and he turned around towards Ellie, cupping her face with his hand. “It’s alright, baby. Stay here.” He whispered, slipping away from her and trudging towards the door. Ellie whined, knowing it was most likely Dina or Jesse. She didn’t know if it was ready to see Dina again, not after what she’d said to Ellie. Her mental gunshot was still recovering and every step that Joel got closer to the door she grew more anxious. Joel opened the door, small flakes of snow sailing through the air. 

“Please, can I talk to Ellie-” Ellie’s breath shuddered. Dina’s voice bled through hers and Dina took sight of the other girl on the other’s escape towards the steps. “Please, Ellie, I need to talk to you.” But Ellie was already gone, escaping up the steps. “Please, let me talk to her, please.” Dina begged, looking in Joel’s eyes. He sighed, scratching his beard and looking towards the steps, hearing Ellie’s door slam. “Please, I didn’t meant to make her mad, I’m just a fucking idiot. Please, just let me talk to her.” 

Joel chewed the inside of his tongue, hoping he wouldn’t make a mistake. “You have two minutes.” Joel responded, seeing Dina thank him in a spastic matter and quickly run into the house, trotting up the steps. Joel heaved a deep exhale and watched the girl sprint up the steps. Ellie sat by the window, glaring angrily outside the glass and tightening her features when she saw Dina’s face appear in the door frame. 

“Ellie, please-” 

“Dina, I can’t do this right now.” Ellie shut her eyes, shaking her head and groaning. Ellie just wanted a single day, one day, where it’d just be Joel and her, and they could be happy… and safe. “Please, I can’t do this.” Ellie begged, standing and facing Dina, looking directly in her eyes. 

Dina remembered her cold words and she cringed, looking towards Ellie’s smaller body. “Please… I’m sorry. I was an idiot. I wasn’t thinking about what I was saying, and I’m so, so sorry.” Dina took Ellie’s hand but she ripped it back, remembering Dina’s commentary on Winter. Ellie looked away, seeing the snow barrel down outside the window and she rolled her eyes, sitting down on the bed and tightening her grip around the mattress. 

“What you said to me wasn’t okay.” Ellie was trying something new, she was trying to set a standard for herself and stick up for her own person. “And pushing me wasn’t okay.” Ellie looked up at Dina, their eyes meeting until Ellie broke the gaze, looking down at the floor. 

Dina sat beside her, and though Ellie winced, she didn’t move away. “I know… I’m so sorry. I was bottled up and I took it out on you, and it wasn’t fair.” Dina whispered, her voice desperate and trying to get to Ellie in any way. “I, um… I got you something. For Christmas.” Ellie whispered, handing Ellie a small box fancily wrapped with a ribbon and paper. “I’m sorry, I see that’s… stupid now.” 

Ellie looked at the gift, carefully unwrapping it and hitching her breath. A set of paints laid on Ellie’s lap. They were hidden in tiny mason jars and a vintage musk was settled across them. “For that mural… you wanted to paint at the stables.” Ellie noticed Dina’s bracelet, still wrapped around her wrist.  _ ‘It represents good luck. I need you, Ellie. You need to stay safe for me.’  _ “I thought, maybe… maybe you could come back… and we could paint it together.” Dina’s voice was on the verge of breaking and Ellie looked up from the paints to Dina, tears reflecting in her eyes. “Please… please come back.” Dina begged her, an audible gulp reflecting through the air. 

Ellie sighed, shutting her eyes and looking down at the paints, then back to Dina. It felt wrong living without Jesse and her after relying on them for months. Dina’s eyes bore into her emerald irises and Ellie sighed, looking at the bracelet on her wrist. “...  _ okay. _ ” Ellie murmured softly, feeling Dina instantly take her in a tight hug and shudder around her. 

“Thank you… I promise, I’ll never be such a  _ bitch  _ again.” Ellie let out a sad giggle and she stroked Dina’s back, just as Joel did for her. Ellie returned Dina’s hug finally, looking down to Dina’s relieved body and sniffling. 

“So, I, uh… I got you something, too, before… before everything. Or, made it, I guess.” Ellie shrugged, taking a large canvas from the other corner of her room. It was covered by a small tapestry and she looked to Dina nervously, heaving a deep sigh. “Jeez, okay, um… Happy Christmas.” Ellie whispered, taking the tapestry off and revealing another watercolor painting. 

This one was of Dina, Jesse and herself. They were all silhouettes, surrounded by the architecture of the barn and the heads of horses poking from the borders. Dina gasped, getting up from the bed and looking to Ellie, a magical smile on her face. “Ellie, holy shit.” Dina giggled, taking Ellie’s hand and looking down at the painting. “Thank you.” 

“It’s for the stables.” Ellie smiled at her response and blushed, looking down towards the painting then back up to Dina. She began to pack the painting up, sliding it into a bag to be transported to the barn. “I thought-” Ellie was cut off as Dina suddenly kissed her cheek, making Ellie stop in abject shock. Dina pulled away, smiling at Ellie’s flustered expression and laughing. 

“And that’s for you.” Dina whispered, looking into Ellie’s eyes and seeing the other girl’s fluster. Ellie was grateful Dina didn’t judge her for not liking guys, as she thought Joel would, and as Marlene had once before. Dina smiled, seeing the red hue on Ellie’s cheeks. “Oh my God, have I made our very own Ellie  _ blush _ ?” She teased and Ellie took her pillow, hitting Dina over the head with it. 

“Shut up.” Ellie giggled, playfully hitting her with the pillow again. Dina took the second pillow, looking towards Ellie with a mischievous expression. “Dina, this won’t end well for you.” Ellie sang but Dina ignored her, starting an all out war with the two pillows. They smacked against each other, feathers expelling from the cloth and running through the girls’ strands of hair. 

“Just give up now!” Dina cheered, smacking Ellie with the pillow and making her fall against the bed. Dina began to start a battle against Ellie and finally, the smaller girl giggled more, holding her hands up in defeat. 

Dina laughed, holding the pillow up and preparing to strike Ellie once again. “Okay, okay, okay!” Ellie playfully laughed, throwing her pillow away and looking up to Dina. She was laid against the bed while Dina sat atop her hips, looking down at Ellie with a face of pure glee. “I give up, I give up!” Ellie cheered, her freckles wrinkling when she smiled… Dina thought it was cute. 

“So… my favor then?” Dina whispered, their faces getting closer. Ellie blushed once again and smiled, smelling the scent of snow and horses on Dina. “Or do you want a rematch, Ellie?” Dina teased, brushing a strand of hair out of Ellie’s face and pushing it behind her ear. Ellie’s face reddened at the contact and she looked to Dina’s hand, taking it in her own. 

“Yeah, I guess I can deal with that.” Ellie murmured softly, a moment of silence passing through them. Finally, Dina stepped off of Ellie, laying down beside her and seeing the solar system pigmented onto the ceiling. 

Dina laughed, looking to Ellie beside her and taking her hand. “You are such a nerd, you know that, right?” Ellie snickered, switching her vision from the planets to Dina beside her. She could hear Joel’s breath downstairs and it calmed her previous anger from the events that had occurred the previous day. It felt weird living without Dina for even a day after being surrounded by her for so long. 

Ellie looked to the Savage Starlight posters lining the room and the trading cards piled on her writing desk. “Yup… but, it’s just part of my charm.” Dina chuckled, both of them taking a deep sigh at the same time. Even though it was only three or four in the afternoon, both of them were fading to sleep with the comfort of the other beside them. And like that, they both slowly drifted to sleep beside each other. Joel smiled, cracking the doorway open and seeing both of the girls and the smiles plastered across their faces. He smirked, grateful Ellie was happy again. She was so destroyed after the events at the dam, and it seemed like she was recovering from Dina’s ice cold words. Now all they needed was for Winter to be over… 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if that felt a little bit rushed, i kind of wanted to get something out now. also, i don't think i ever told you guys but i synced up the lip syncing in the scene with joel and ellie -after she kills david- and read joel's lips when the score takes over. me and my friend have determined it and we can OFFICIALLY say, joel says to ellie: 'i'm never going to let anyone touch you again, baby.' so i wanted to nod to that in this chapter with the nightmare, and also, something with faye is coming up next chapte,r you'll see ;3. requests are still open, so if you have an ask for a chapter, well, ask! as always, thank you so much for all of the support, also thanks to the girl who requested these past two chapters, i loved this idea so much and kind of ran away with it haha. there will be another update this weekened, but i'm going into nyc tomorrow, so i can't write for a bit. thanks to everyone for reading! comments/kudos appreciated!


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's January, Ellie finds out a chilling fact about Faye.

_ Of course it had to happen… Dina was sleeping beside her, why couldn’t she just have a restful sleep? But each day that week, she’d had a nightmare, almost all of them horrible contraptions of David. It was getting worse as the Winter went on and she felt helpless to aid herself. Joel tried to do anything he could, and the gesture helped Ellie a little bit, but there wasn’t really much he could do. Ellie knew she had to do it on her own, like always… or at least, that’s what she thought. So… another amalgamation of her terror sat before her.  _

_ But this time, nothing was happening. She was strapped in a chair, forced in a prison cell. It was the same cage  _ he  _ had kept her chained in that Winter. “What…?” Ellie realized a dawn of pain in her small body and she groaned, realizing she was unable to move.  _ What is this?  _ She asked, struggling against the invisible restrains and hearing the clink of chains but still, there was nothing there. “Hello?” Ellie called, looking around for any source of comfort.  _

_ Fear reflected in her as she waited for something to happen, but nothing did. It was chillingly still and Ellie’s lip trembled. The deafening silence was almost worse than any action happening and Ellie’s limbs shook in the restraints. “Joel?” Ellie called, but no answer came. Joel was gone.  _

_ Her breath shuddered as she suddenly took in the sight of a group of shadows before her. Ellie was suspended in the air, like something was holding her up by her wrists but she just couldn’t see it. “No.” Ellie breathed, seeing Dina and Jesse’s limp bodies laid before the cell. “No.” She repeated, fighting against the restraints and whimpering. “Jesse… Dina.” Ellie murmured, seeing their freezing bodies covered in snow and death. “Please…” She begged any sort of higher power looking down on her, slowly torturing her and relishing her screams.  _

_ Suddenly, more bodies appeared before her. Tommy, Maria… their hands were entwined as they laid still, stored in body bags. “Tommy…” Ellie weeped, trying to get to the man that she looked up to as an uncle. In their time in Jackson, Tommy and Ellie had grown closer. Tommy tried to help Joel in getting her through Winter, and took her out around the town frequently. Ellie always stayed close to him when they were out, as Tommy now gave her a feeling of safety. “Tommy, get up.” Ellie pleaded, kicking and crying, desperate to get out of the restraints. “Tommy, I swear.”  _

_ And finally, in the center of all of them, her father stood. But, Joel wasn’t dead. He was on the verge of bleeding out and his scarlet liquid drowned the floor. Ellie let out a stunned gasp and she fought as hard as she could to get to him, but she wasn’t good enough. Worst of all, his pain wasn’t silent. The sound of blood pouring from him surrounding her until she couldn’t breath. “Joel.” Ellie panted, groaning and trying to get out of the chains. “Joel, you have to get up. You need to get me out so I can help you, just get up, please.” Ellie spoke softly, battling against the air and crying softly. It was like she could feel her tears in physical body, running down her face back in the bed with Dina. “Please… Dad.” Ellie sniffled, screaming in anger at her uselessness.  _

_ “Ellie…” Joel groaned, his voice gurgling with the blood in his throat. Ellie nodded, her features screwing together and fighting as hard as they could to fall. And so, she did. Ellie tumbled to the ground, hearing the door of the cage open with a  _ squeak.  _ “Ellie…” Joel muttered, his eyes opening and looking around for her.  _

_ Ellie ignored the pain in her body and she threw the door open, looking towards the onslaught of bodies. “Joel… Joel.” Ellie weeped, running towards him and dragging his head onto her lap. Blood poured onto her clothing and her skin and she felt the urge to vomit beside Joel’s dying figure. “Don’t leave… stay. Stay right here, Dad.” Ellie looked into his eyes, tears pouring from her eyes down onto his skin, hiding in his beard. “Please. Please, I’ll do anything.” Ellie begged the air, brushing Joel’s bloody hair out of his face.  _

_ “Ellie…”  _

_ Ellie shook her head, taking Joel’s hand in hers and looking down at his desperate eyes. “No, sh, save your strength, alright? There has to be something… there has to be something, there has to be something here.” Ellie chanted, looking around them, but seeing absolutely nothing but her friends and family’s bodies sprawled across the ground, all of their eyes now open. The four bodies wore a sick smile and their teeth were exposed. Dina’s left tooth was still missing, as it had been since Ellie met her.  _

_ “Ellie… this… this happened because… of you.” Joel made out, his voice gurgling with blood before it suddenly went still with quiet. Ellie’s head spun back towards him and she noticed that Joel now wore the same expression as the other bodies.  _

_ “Joel.” Ellie whispered, shaking his bloody body. Red painted her and she let out a sick whimper. “Joel, get up.”  _ Get up right now.  _ She begged, shaking him and looking into his open eyes, but their amber, rich color had gone stale with death and Winter. “Dad, get the fuck up. Right now, you need to get up for me. For me, do it, please.” She whispered, letting out a shaky scream when he didn’t comply. Ellie fell onto him, wrapping his limp arms around her and hiding in his bloody shirt. The wet fabric pressed against her and all she could smell was his death. His last words ran through her: ‘this happened because of you.’ You failed him, Ellie. This is your fault. She let out another scream and buried herself in his dead arms.  _

“Joel!” Ellie screamed, gasping and shooting herself up, panting and taking deep breaths. She felt arms around her and she threw them off, ripping the blankets off of her and feeling as if they were strangling her.  _ No, no, no.  _ Ellie chanted, her breathing rapid and panicked. 

A face looked into hers and she recognized Dina’s warm eyes staring into hers. “Ellie, it’s me.” Dina spoke, holding Ellie’s terrified face and connecting their gaze. Ellie’s breathing slowed, though it was still at an accelerated and horrified pace. It felt so real, it was like she could feel Joel’s blood still decorating her. “Hey, hey.” Dina whispered, seeing the tears decorating Ellie’s cheeks. The smaller girl looked down at her hands, almost expecting to see blood still decorating them. 

“W-where’s Joel, where is he?” Ellie demanded, her voice broken and shaky. Dina released her face and took Ellie’s hand, seeing the terror riddled in her face. “I-is he…” Ellie’s voice cut off as it devolved into rambles, spurred upon by tears. 

Dina shook her head, looking into Ellie’s eyes and cringing. “Joel’s fine, he’s okay. He left a little bit ago, to go out with that guard.” Dina whispered, seeing Ellie’s face relax. Her breathing slowed and Dina’s arms wrapped around Ellie, taking her in a tight hug. “It’s alright. It was just a nightmare.” Dina assured her, confused and frightened. Dina hadn’t ever seen Ellie like this… Ellie’s mask had been starting to slip ever since Chase. Slowly, her happy exterior began to vanish and the true Ellie was exposed to her friends. 

The Ellie who had been forced to live through Winter, and the Ellie who had been forced to kill tens to hundreds on the way to Salt Lake, only to be ripped of her purpose. “I’m sorry…” Ellie whispered, humiliation and embarrassment spreading through her face. She separated herself from Dina, pushing her hair back into a ponytail and wiping the sweat and tears that secreted from her small body. “Sorry, I… I didn’t want to wake you up.” 

“Ellie, sh.” Dina shook her head, taking both of Ellie’s hands and squeezing them, trying to assure Ellie that she wasn’t alone. “Do… do you want to tell me about it?” Ellie shook her head, still uncomfortable with Dina seeing her be so weak. Ellie felt like a freak, like an anomaly that was just a glitch in the system… something that could be expunged without a second thought. “Okay… that’s okay… do… Do you want me to go get Joel…? Or Tommy?” Dina asked, knowing they’d likely do a better job at comforting Ellie than Dina could even think of. But surprisingly, Ellie shook her head, taking Dina’s arms and hiding in them. 

“No, just… just stay with me, please.” Ellie whispered, seeing Dina nod and a comfortable silence fell between them as Ellie’s breathing slowly returned to normal. “Sorry to… to bother you with all of my shit. I’m just… weird right now, because of… of the snow, and…” Ellie trailed off, taking herself from Dina’s arms and sighing, brushing back her hair. “Okay, I’m fine now, promise.” 

Ellie had a nasty habit of pushing everything down and one day, it would explode on her. “Ellie-” 

“Please, I… can we just talk about something else.” Ellie croaked, hearing Dina’s breath shudder. An awkward silence fell between them and Ellie ended, standing and leading Dina downstairs, wanting to get out of the cursed room. She wasn’t used to sleeping without Joel and during Winter, it was bound to end in catastrophe. 

Ellie stayed so close to him during Winter, usually less than a foot apart. Every moment she was terrified something would happen. Joel tried to get her to see the doctor, something Tommy and Maria endorsed, but she refused, hiding herself away in her room and just waiting for the hours and days to pass her by. She didn’t know how to  _ heal,  _ so she just dug a hole and threw herself in, along with the shovel to get out. “So, uh… I was talking to Maria… well, Tommy…” After all of the death in her life, Maria and Tommy had really ‘fostered’ Dina in a way. Which meant Dina was very sheltered. They looked after her, made sure she was fed and okay, for the most part, but… she never really had a parent, after hers died a little after she was born. “So, they, uh… they said that I could start patrolling soon, so, I was thinking if… we could go together sometime, maybe.” Dina nervously asked, looking to Ellie and seeing the girl’s lips curl into a smile. 

Ellie grinned, nodding her head and taking bowls and pancake mix from the cabinets. “Yeah, that sounds okay.” Ellie laughed for a second, pouring the pancake mix and water into the bowl and beginning to make food. “Yeah, I… I’d like that.” 

“Alright, so you’re tellin’ me you used to ski? Don’t think I’ve done that once.” Joel laughed, looking into Faye’s piercing gray eyes. She had striking blonde hair and a muscular body. She usually dressed in t-shirts, despite the freezing weather, like she didn’t care. They were on the couch, watching old movies from their time. Joel had never heard of this,  _ Christmas Vacation, she said it was?  _ Joel thought, but he hadn’t really been paying attention. He hadn’t felt like this in years, ever since Tess. It was strange, and he fought whether or not to deny it. “Reckon I would’ve broken my leg.” 

She stifled a laugh, smiling at Joel as the movie played before them. “Yeah, my brother and I used to just spend… hours out on the track. Course, they didn’t have a lot near us. Had to travel up north, but… it was fun.” She laughed, remembering the memories and her brother’s warm smile. He was so little, around fifteen or sixteen. She was in her twenties then. He was still so young when  _ it  _ happened… maybe thirty That’s why she needed her revenge. 

“In the Winter, Sarah and me… we went horse-back riding. There was this stable near us… she had this one she liked, Red.” Joel smiled, remembering the copper-colored horse and how peacefully it rode for Sarah. “Shoulda taken her skiing… she woulda loved that.” Faye smiled, watching him blush as he noticed her staring at him. He chuckled nervously and suddenly, before Joel could even say anything, Faye pressed her lips against him, kissing him. 

His lips burnt red with a blush and she pulled away, laughing at his taken aback expression. “God, you’re such a country boy.” He chuckled and their lips connected again, the snow outside falling useless to both of them and the movie behind them going unnoticed. 

“Aw, this is so cute.” Dina laughed, looking at the guitar Joel had made for Ellie beside the tree. The tree was lit up in pastel colors, which reflected against the clean, wooden floors. “Did you sketch this?” She asked Ellie, looking at the design drawn onto the guitar and rubbing the wood. 

Ellie nodded, tearing into a pancake as Dina fixed the Christmas tree, taking the pile of wrapping paper around it and clearing it into the garbage. Ellie still felt Dina’s kiss on her cheek. “Yeah, Joel made the guitar, though. He used to be a carpenter.” She explained, cleaning the crumbs off of her lips and watching Dina look at the presents. 

“These are so good. Y’know, you could sell these in the marketplace, make some money.” Dina smirked, seeing the painting she had made for Joel. On the back there was a note that Ellie had left for Joel: ‘ _ Merry Christmas, Dad. I tried.’  _ Dina stifled a smile, looking towards Ellie as she began to clean the mess in the kitchen. “I’m serious, Ellie, your paintings are amazing! People would pay some serious cash for these.” 

Ellie shook her head, a small curl of her lips reflecting through Dina’s words. Ellie was too self conscious to do anything like that, she didn’t think she was talented enough to have the audacity to cost money for her artwork. Maybe she could’ve traded it for some more supplies, or more pencils, but her self-esteem rejected that. “Nah…” She shrugged, sighing and looking out towards the frosted windows. It was the very last day of December, and Ellie breathed. But there were still two more  _ grueling  _ months to winter, and she cringed at that fact.

Joel tried to help, he really did, but it didn’t do much. Ellie was convinced she had to take all of the stress herself, which Joel hated. Maybe if he said something different to her that Fall: ‘ _ things happen and we move on… no. I want you to talk to me. You don’t need to put the world on your shoulders. Talk to me, Ellie. Trust me with your pain.’  _ Suddenly Dina cursed, and she remembered that she was supposed to go to the movie theater, well… building with a subpar projector in it that they called a movie theater, with Jesse. It was his idea. He was just trying to make her feel better after her immense guilt for what she’d said to Ellie. “What?” Ellie asked, switching her vision towards Dina with a confused expression. 

“Fuck, I was supposed to meet up with Jesse like an hour ago.” Dina spoke, taking her jacket and her boots. She tied the laces quickly and wrapped her coat around her, zipping it up and running towards Ellie. “I have to go.” She said, hugging Ellie and wrapping her in her arms. 

“Uh, yeah, okay.” Ellie nodded, slightly sad that the girl had to leave, but she understood. Dina was with Jesse, and Ellie would need to learn to live with it. “Tell Jesse I said ‘hey.’” Ellie spoke softly and Dina nodded, whispering a ‘thank you’ and closing the door quickly, rushing out into the snowy landscape. 

Ellie sighed, allowing her mask to slip and remembering the nightmare she’d experienced.  _ It felt so real.  _ She thought, looking down at her palms and expecting to see Joel’s blood coating her plush, white skin.  _ What if it was? What if that was, like… the future? He said it happened because of me… am I hurting people by living?  _ Ellie thought, sitting in front of the tree, feeling the warm, fuzzy rug greet her bare feet. 

She looked to her bare arm, unwrapping the bandage around that hid her scar. Ellie didn’t like looking at the bite. She thought it was disgusting, and sometimes she just wanted to rip it out of her arm. And this time, with the horror of her nightmare still reeling, she decided she would. Ellie moved to the bathroom, seeing a bottle of bleach beside the toilet.   
Her eyes screwed shut and she slowly wrapped her hand around the bottle’s handle, taking a washcloth from the tub and dousing it with bleach. Suddenly, she pressed it against her arm, instantly feeling her body protest against it. It burned like hell, but a chemical burn was beginning to grow on her arm, hiding her bite. “Fuck.” Ellie hissed, a tear spilling from her cheek. She knew Joel would be upset, but she didn’t care. 

Her immunity meant _nothing,_ and she wanted the stark reminder of her failure gone. The skin hissed and a red scar now covered her bite. It was gone. The memory was subdued. The rag fell into the tub beside Ellie and her breathing slowed slightly. It felt like a weight had been taken off of her and she smiled, looking down at the scarred skin on her wrist. _This is good… it’s gone now. I just needed it to be gone. This is good. I did good._ Ellie assured herself, leaving the bottle of bleach and the rag in the bathroom, moving back towards the kitchen and sighing.   
She nestled her hands deep in her hair, sitting on the chair in front of the island. Joel was probably on his way back. Small drops of watery blood dripped down her arm and she rubbed it, but that only made it hurt more. Part of her regretted it, but most of her didn’t. The bite didn’t do anything, especially after Winter. It just brought her into that mess. Still, it gifted her Joel, and that allowed her to keep her head over the water. 

Ellie was swarmed in thoughts, and she didn’t hear the back door open. Her arm was covered by her sleeve, but a subtle stain of drops of blood was on the cloth. But, since it was dark black, it was barely visible. Suddenly, something grabbed her shoulder and she gasped, turning around and seeing Joel’s eyes. “‘T’s okay, just me, kiddo. Just me.” He answered instantly, holding his hands up and seeing her sigh, hiding her head in her hands for a second. 

“Jesus… gave me a fucking heart attack.” Ellie exhaled, tying her hair back and feeling the pain in her arm lessen with Joel’s touch. “What’re you smiling about, old man?” Ellie saw the blush on his lips and suddenly, a tiny speck of lipstick on his lips made Ellie gasp and break off into uproarious laughter. She faked a gasp, looking up at Joel and washing the lipstick off with her sleeve. “You dirty old man!” Ellie cackled, throwing her head back and teasing him dangerously. 

Joel’s cheeks grew red and he scrubbed his lips, getting the trace of makeup off of him. “So, I’m assuming you and Faye had fun then.” Ellie laughed, looking into Joel’s shameful eyes. He looked down, wiping his lips again and looking at Ellie. 

He was glad she seemed to be fine with Faye and him. If she was uncomfortable, he would stop  _ immediately.  _ Joel needed her to feel safe, that was his top priority. “Yeah, yeah, get it all out now.” Joel smiled, rustling her hair and wrinkling his nose. It smelled like chemicals and he looked to the restroom, seeing an open bottle of bleach and a rag. “Hey, what’s this?” Joel asked, seeing the red tint on the rag and looking at Ellie. She suddenly averted his gaze and brushed her arm, but when he tried to probe her, seeing something was wrong, she answered.

Her eyes swarmed and she looked down, trying to think of a lie. “I heated up some bacon, but Dina wanted ketchup with it, and she spilled it on the carpet. Sorry.” Ellie smiled nervously, internally screaming a song of relief when Joel nodded, taking the bleach and screwing the cap closed.

“Who the hell eats ketchup with bacon?” Joel chuckled, shaking his head and leaving the rag in the bathtub. The bottle was returned to behind the toilet and Joel coughed because of the acidic smell. He noticed that the scent lingered around Ellie as well, but he just ignored it. Ellie giggled at his answer and she turned around, looking at him. 

_ I should talk to him. That’s what he said to do… talk to him. He’d do the same.  _ “I had another nightmare.” Ellie whispered, looking out at the frosted windows and sighing. She remembered Tommy and Joel’s bodies, both of which she cried over. Then, of course Dina, Jesse and Maria. Joel had felt so  _ dead  _ in her arms in the dream and she swirled her head to him, shutting her eyes when she was able to see him drowning in his own blood. “I was screaming a lot this time… think I scared off Dina.” Ellie painfully smiled, turning back towards the window and sighing. 

She took a cup of hot cocoa she had made for herself -Joel had taught her how to- and took a sip, letting the hot steam drip down her raw throat. Joel cringed, sitting beside her and looking at her. Ellie’s gaze was trained on the snow covered windows, and her hands picked at each other. “I dunno, I guess… I’m just, like… wired like this.” Ellie shrugged, looking to Joel as he realized she suddenly had tears shimmering in her eyes. Ellie wiped them away, ashamed. 

“Oh, baby…” Joel murmured, opening his arms and letting her slowly retreat into his arms. She sniffled, wiping her nose and letting her sleeve fall down. She pulled it back up, but Joel had seen her scar already. “Ellie…” He whispered, pulling away from her and trying to take her arm, but she held it close to her. “Ellie, what’s on your arm?” Joel asked, looking her in the eyes, but she turned away. 

Ellie was ashamed. She felt so weak, resorting to taking away the bite instead of being able to live with it. “Nothing…” Ellie whispered it but finally, he took her arm, stripping her sleeve up. She turned away when she heard his breath shudder. 

Cold fear ran through him when he saw the burn on her bite, and he remembered her shoddy excuse to the bleach’s being out.  _ Did she do this?  _ Joel shuddered, seeing the slight trace of blood on her arm. Ellie hung her head, looking in the opposite direction. She was unable to look at him and that spoke volumes. “Ellie… how did you get this?” Joel demanded, but he knew the answer. A tear rolled down her cheek and she looked up at him, answering his question. 

“I’m sorry…” Ellie muttered, trying to take her arm from him but he kept her hands in his. “I just wanted it gone.” She whispered, once again trying to take her hand from his but he held it.  _ It did nothing… it was just ugly.  _ Ellie ridiculed herself, squeezing Joel’s hand and looking back towards the bathroom. Joel noticed now a drop of blood on the tiles. 

“Ellie.” Joel’s throat was hoarse and his voice felt like it was going to break. “You talk to me… you… you don’t do this.” Joel took his hand from hers, placing his fingers on her chin and gently directing her face towards him. “You look at me.” He croaked, looking down at her arm and then back into her emerald irises. They shined with tears and a single drop spilled over her eyes. Joel used his other hand to wipe it away with his sleeve. “We do everything together… alright? You can tell me anything… and you talk to me… okay…?” Joel asked and Ellie sighed, looking down towards her arm. At least it didn’t look as hideous. Part of her pain had been burnt off and even though physical pain hurt her, a tiny amount of the weight on her shoulders had been chipped off. “Please.” He begged her, his own tears reflecting in his eyes.   
“I’m sorry…” Ellie wept softly, letting her tears spill softly down her skin. Joel brushed them away with his sleeve, kissing the top of her head gently. He stayed there with her in his arms, his head placed on the tops of hers. He breathed, taking in the smell of her slightly greasy hair. Joel stroked her back, letting her whimper gently in his arms, finally breaking her silence on what Winter was doing to her. They hadn’t really talked about Winter. Ellie’s face would grow a shade of red whenever Joel tried to talk about what David did to her. She blamed herself, and Joel truly hated himself for not being able to prevent that. “It was all for nothing. Everything that he did… it was all pointless.” 

_ Everything he did to me… it didn’t matter. Our entire journey meant nothing.  _ “That ain’t true, baby girl.” Joel swore to her, taking his head from him and looking in her shining eyes. “Listen to me, okay? Tell me what happened… after I woke up.” He requested, seeing her breathing hitch as she remembered the horrible night… Neither of them slept much that night, or at all. Ellie saw his face whenever she closed her eyes and sometimes, -in the second Winter- that feeling resurfaced. 

She heaved a deep sigh, looking up to him and feeling his finger wipe away another tear that streamed down her freckled face. “You… you found me, and… and you saved me.” Her voice was barely audible, but both of them heard it. Joel nodded, looking into her small pupils and brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“That’s right… and I’m always going to be right here… and I’m always going to save you.” He swore strongly to her, feeling her hide in his arms once again and begin to softly cry. It was quiet and hushed. Joel massaged her back gently, trying to comfort her anyway he could. “I know, baby girl.” 

_ Baby girl… I have Joel… I’m his daughter… and he’s my father. At least I have Joel.  _ Ellie couldn’t even imagine losing him. If she ever were to lose him, she wouldn’t want to breathe anymore. She had a sick want to go out at the exact same time he stopped breathing. But, he was only in his late forties, so best case scenario, if he were to be taken by his age, they had decades.  _ He’ll always be right here, and I’ll always be there for him. Until we’re both gone.  _ “I’m sorry… for… for doing that.” Ellie murmured, slowly recovering and looking down at the bloody scar trailing down her arm. “It was reckless.” 

Joel shook his head, leaving her for a second to get a rag from the bathroom, returning to her quickly. “Just don’t do it again… you talk to me.” Joel begged her, his voice a throaty desperation to help her in some way. Ellie nodded sadly, looking in his eyes and feeling some of the weight from Winter slide off of her back because of his invitation to talk to her. “We do everything together… alright?” 

“Okay. I won’t… I’ll talk to you.” Ellie promised, though she didn’t know if it would be an empty or full promise. Joel breathed, moving towards the sink and dousing the rag with it. 

“Alright… come here, then.” He murmured, taking her arm and holding her hand. He turned her hand over, pressing the wet rag against her burn and hearing her hiss in pain. “I know, I’m sorry.” He apologized, cringing at the blood that was pressed against the rag. He washed the burn, finally retreating the rag and letting her breath.

Ellie shook the arm, cursing under her breath and regretting her reckless and quick decision. But, the scar was obscured, and that gave her a small bit of comfort. “So, uh… guess you and Faye are doing well, then?” Ellie cracked a smile, but the pain that bled through her arm subdued them slightly. Joel wrapped a bandage around it, making sure not to make it too tight, but making it press against the burn slightly. 

“Yeah, yeah… hey, you… you like her, right?” Joel asked, praying she would answer yes. Ellie nodded, even if it wasn’t the truth. The small girl feared Faye. The woman was sharp and unforgiving, but most importantly, Ellie could see she was  _ hiding something.  _ Ellie didn’t know  _ what,  _ but part of the woman’s history was hidden, on purpose. “Okay… I want you to feel comfortable. I’ll-” 

“Joel. I’m fine.” Ellie smiled at his sweetness. But, as much as Joel tried to tell her he’d be fine if she told him to back off, Ellie knew that he would be hurt. Joel would be saddened, as much as he tried to hide it. “She’s fine. You’re fine.” Ellie assured him, seeing him smile like a child. 

He nodded, pressingher bandage against her arm and latching it closed. “Okay… that feel better?” He asked, his voice soft and concerned. Ellie nodded, whispering a thank you and slowly getting up, falling against the couch and turning the television on. “Also, Dina doesn’t like ketchup on bacon… I’d be concerned.” He chuckled, moving beside her and looking at the coffee table before the couch. 

There was a pile of movies on the table and he moved towards them, picking them up. “Alright, reckon you wanna watch somethin’ before we gotta head to the dance?” There was a Winter dance scheduled later in the night, which Ellie wasn’t exactly excited about. Dina tried to get her to wear a dress, but it wasn’t surprising that she didn’t succeed. But, Ellie agreed to let Dina do makeup on her, and she was scared. 

“God, dance… Do we  _ have  _ to go?” Ellie groaned, but a slight smile was on her lips. Joel snickered, nodding his head. 

“Yeah, promised Tommy… besides… think of all the food that’ll be there.” Joel whispered and Ellie laughed, looking at the movies in Joel’s lap. She took the boxes from him and looked at the titles.  _ Home Alone… Rudolph… What is all of this shit?  _ Ellie giggled, seeing the foolish animals and box art for the titles. “Reckon you’ll like this one.” Joel murmured, taking the first box and inserting the disk into the television box. “Was a big one when Sarah was a baby. Damn, she played this every minute.” Joel remembered the same movie playing every day during the Winter season, but he didn’t complain. It had been hard at first, raising Sarah by himself. Tommy helped, but she wasn’t exactly the most peaceful infant. She wailed many times as a baby and was a handful, but the blossom bloomed into a beautiful flower. “And this other one… it was about some elf.” 

Ellie cackled, watching as the movie flickered on and Joel started it. She placed his head into the crook of his neck and sighed, savoring the feeling of Joel around her.  _ That nightmare wasn’t real. Joel’s alive… it wasn’t the future. We’re safe now. We’re safe now.  _ She chanted, trying to force the idea into her brain. The theme music of the movie began to play and Ellie smiled, feeling the childish glee radiate from the screen. 

Joel threw a blanket over both of them, making sure she was warm on the very last day of December. He loved her, and he breathed when he saw that she had taken interest in the movie, and had seemed to forget what she’d done to herself. _Jesus Christ… I can’t believe she hurt herself…_ Joel thought, feeling like someone had stabbed him. _I have to try harder. I need to make her feel safe. I need to make her feel loved. This is out of hand… I’m failing her._ Joel thought, feeling disgusted that he had failed her so much she felt the need to take her own blood from her body and strip herself of her bite.   
“Y’know… this isn’t that bad.” Ellie whispered, speaking not about the movie but Jackson in general. She didn’t want to give it any credit, but… she felt so different than she had when they first got to the town. Ellie had been so secluded and so desperate for things to change, and they did, but she didn’t know if it was for better or worse. “One movie we’ve seen that isn’t fucking bizarre.” Ellie smiled, looking up at Joel, who had been inspecting her more than the movie. 

Guilt was running through his veins when he thought of what Ellie had done.  _ If I didn’t go out with Faye, could I’ve stopped that?  _ He thought, part of him regretting it. But, he remembered his kiss with the lovely -in his opinion- guard and he blushed. He was growing fond of her. Joel hadn’t had that since Tess, which was almost two years now. Faye was fierce and beautiful, and she didn’t take shit from anyone. Maybe Joel should have taken it as a warning when he looked back on it… “Yeah, this was a big one when Sarah was just a baby.” Joel recalled, tickling her back gently and comforting her after what she’d done earlier in the day. “God, she’d drag me to watch this every Christmas. They had this drive-in theater by us.” He looked at her, seeing her confusion. “You would drive up in a big field, and they had a giant projector. So, everyone would pull up, and you would turn the radio on and it’d be the audio for the movie they were showin’ that night.”

“She had good taste.” Ellie murmured, smiling when one of the criminals in the movie was comically slammed with a hammer, but it wasn’t shown with blood or in graphic detail. It was shown like a kid’s movie, and the man yelped funnyly. Ellie giggled, looking up to Joel again with a smirk. Her hand was resting on her arm, trying to qualm the subtle pain that lived on her burn. It had decreased ever since she first burned herself, but part of her still didn’t regret it. “Not in music, though.” 

Joel snickered, remembering Ellie’s first reaction to tapes he’d found for her. It was some of Sarah’s music, and to say they had different tastes in music was an understatement. Ellie had vast taste, loving Joel’s country music but being more of a metalhead herself. Sarah always loved pop music, and all of that teenage crap. She didn’t like Joel’s guitar as much, but she respected the meaning behind it. “Yeah… still gotta show you some of them movies she loved. Tommy found some in the market.” 

Ellie’s eyes lit up and she nodded vigorously and suddenly, there was a knock on the door. “Oh, God, it’s Dina… she’s forcing me to let her do makeup on me.” Ellie laughed, taking the blanket off of her and getting out of Joel’s arms. Joel grinned, seeing Ellie’s excitement when she thought of her friends. She tiptoed towards the door, wrapping it open and seeing Dina’s persistent smile. “Yeah, yeah…” Ellie rolled her eyes, seeing the bag in Dina’s hand. 

Somehow, Dina had gotten Ellie to permit her to put makeup on the smaller girl’s face. “C’mon, the dance starts soon.” Ellie looked to Joel, nearly begging him to do something in playful desperation, but he just chuckled, watching Dina drag his daughter upstairs. He heard giggles surface from upstairs and he breathed, grateful that she was still able to smile. He moved towards the bathroom, looking at the bottle of bleach and frowning. Her tiny handprint was on the handle and he picked it up, hiding the bleach under the sink’s cabinet.  _ She said she’ll talk to me, but… just in case. I can’t let that happen again.  _

When he first saw her burn, all he could feel was terror and guilt. “Just, don’t put anything on my hair.” Ellie grumbled, seeing Dina reveal a stockade of makeup. There were two eyeshadow palettes, one matte and one glimmer shades. Then, there was mascara, foundation and blush. “What even is all of this shit, Dina? This isn’t going to kill me, right?” 

Dina snorted, rolling her eyes and turning all of the lights in the room on. “Oh, stop being so dramatic. Alright, stay still.” Dina whispered, taking clean blender sponges from her bag and pressing concealer onto the blenders. Ellie looked at it anxiously, moving away from the sponge but Dina groaned at her. Dina’s hand held her jaw and she pressed the concealer under Ellie’s eyes, making the skin paler and contrasting it. Her freckles were clouded, but still visible. “Sh, you’ll survive… midget.” Dina smiled, seeing Ellie fake a glare at her. 

“This stuff itches.” Ellie watched as Dina mixed in the concealer, moving towards the tube of foundation next. “What is that?” Ellie asked, taking the bottle from Dina and reading it. 

The taller girl snatched it back, opening the tube and bursting a squirt onto her finger. Dina gently placed her finger across Ellie’s cheek, spreading the foundation just under the concealer. “It’s foundation… I had to trade for this stuff, since you’re as pale as a ghost.” Dina teased, using the blender to mix the foundation into Ellie’s skin, concealing her freckles and making her complexion glow. “Jesse almost let me put this stuff on him once… almost.” Ellie giggled, trying to imagine her near best friend with makeup covering his face. In her mind, he looked beautiful and she only smiled more. “Okay, now blush.”  _ I don’t need that when I’m with you.  _ Ellie thought, looking at Dina and her sparkling skin. 

Ellie suddenly realized how naturally beautiful Dina was. Her amber eyes twinkled and curls of raven hair fell from her lazy bun. “There you go.” Dina whispered, brushing Ellie’s rosy cheeks and smiling at Ellie. Dina knew that even without makeup, Ellie was cute. So now, with help to touch her complexion up, and when Dina did eye makeup, she’d look absolutely jaw-dropping. “You have a good face.” 

“Gee, thanks, Dina.” Ellie snickered, watching as Dina opened the eyeshadow palette. “Why do you have so many?” Ellie asked, seeing both of the exotic colors. The name of the brand had been obscured, but the colors were still surprisingly rich for being made nearly twenty years ago. 

“This ones for blending your crease, and that one’s for color.” It sounded like a different language to Ellie and Dina laughed, a strand of hair falling into her eyes. Ellie brushed it away, pushing the bundle of hair behind Dina’s ear. “You’ll see… alright, which color do you want?” Dina asked, holding the shimmer palette up to Ellie and letting her inspect the colors. 

Most of them consisted of deep, rich shades and Ellie’s eyes took in the sight of a beautiful, mossy green. The colors next to them were lighter and darker shades of green, some of them a shimmery lime and some of them the color of laurel. “Uh… this.” Ellie whispered a response, pointing towards the line of green shades. Dina nodded, smiling when she saw Ellie’s flaring, emerald irises that would match the shade. 

A line of brushes were on the mess of makeup that rested on Ellie’s bed. Dina reached for a blending brush, and she took the nude shades in the first palette, ordering Ellie to: “Close your eyes.” It tickled slightly and Ellie smiled, blushing… but it wasn’t the rosy makeup that was dotted on her cheeks. “Alright, stay still.” Some of the fallout dotted onto her eyelashes. Dina realized how long Ellie’s eyelashes were and she complimented the smaller girl’s natural beauty. 

“Do people wear this stuff everyday?” Ellie complained, scrunching her eyebrows together at the itchiness and the discomfort from the pigmented powder. Dina laughed, brushing Ellie’s crease away from her and making the natural wrinkles vanish. “I hope I don’t look like a clown when you’re done.” Ellie giggled, opening her eyes for a second but Dina ordered her to shut them once again. 

Finally, Dina dotted a different artistry brush into the lightest green, placing it right at the start of Ellie’s eyelids. And then, she slowly made it darker as the lid went on. Slowly, she approached the edge of the eyelids and Dina dotted dark, mossy green at the very edge, shadowing it and making Ellie’s eyes glow a beautiful shade. Dina smiled, proud of her work and retreating from Ellie’s face, her eyeshadow complete. 

Dina was wearing her own makeup. It glimmered a shimmering gold, and it was styled the same, as the color slowly got darker as the lids went on for longer. So, dark hazel rested at the edge of Dina’s eyes. “Okay… eyeliner now.” Ellie opened one of her eyes, raising her eyebrow and seeing a dark pen in Dina’s hands. “It frames your eyes. It’ll make the eyeshadow stick out more. This’ll look fine, I’m actually good at this stuff, El.” Dina laughed, opening the pen. “Close.” 

“I’m scared.” Ellie couldn’t deny the smirk that made her lips curl up. Ellie set a strict rule that nothing was going on her lips, just her eyes and skin. She didn’t even like bringing any attention to herself, especially male attention, not after Chase. Dina shook her head, gently pressing the eyeliner just above Ellie’s eyelashes and making the ends gracefully end. “It feels cold.” Ellie noted, squinting her eyes until Dina reprimanded her with a playful shove. “Okay, okay… Jesus.” 

The eyeliner was then applied to the other end and finally, Dina was on the final step. “Okay, one more…” Dina promised, opening the mascara tube and dragging it across Ellie’s eyelashes, elongating them and making Ellie’s beauty increase. “There we go… I’d kiss your cheek again, but I don’t want to get all of this shit on my face.” 

Ellie opened her eyes, smiling up at Dina. A rich green coated her eyes and for Dina, a fourteen year old, it honestly looked fairly beautiful. Ellie’s emerald irises stuck out in the darker shades of green, only making her beauty increase. “Alright, alright… let me see.” Ellie got up from the bed, looking into her mirror and smiling. She actually felt confident for once and she looked back at Dina with a giant smile. “Okay… I’m willing to admit that this doesn’t look terrible.” Ellie looked back at Dina, smirking when she saw Dina’s pride reflecting from her face.   
“I’ll take what I can get.” Dina wrapped her fingers around Ellie’s, slowly cleaning up the makeup and bringing it back into her hand. “Alright… you’re not wearing that, right?” Dina asked, looking at Ellie’s pajama pants and her hoodie. Ellie shrugged, taking in her outfit, but Dina gently pushed her to the bed, looking through Ellie’s closet for anything suitable. 

“What? It’s a kid’s dance, Dina, not some royal ball.” Ellie laughed, but she knew Dina to be fantastical. Dina loved pretending like any of the dances Tommy and Maria hosted were royal balls. When she was a child, she dressed like a princess in a tutu, and Maria would make her a tiny tiara. “Seriously, I’ll just change into leggings. I let you do my face, you’re gonna need a wait before I get into a fucking dress, D.” Ellie laughed, shooing Dina out and quickly switching into leggings. She smelled her hoodie, shrugging and deciding it was fine. 

“Hey, kiddo, we should get going.” Joel called up, hearing the girls chatter from the first floor. Ellie yelled back an acknowledgement, slowly travelling down the steps and revealing herself to Joel. She smiled, brushing her hair behind her ear self consciously and reaching to get her shoes. “Well, that doesn’t look too bad.” Joel teased gently, seeing her flaming hot cheeks. Ellie let out a nervous laugh, slipping her hiking boots onto her feet and standing. 

“Okay, okay… let’s go.” Ellie whispered, looking at the door Dina had left a minute ago. Dina said she needed to meet up with Jesse before the dance, so she had escaped the house and ran towards Jesse’s house. The night was freezing, and Ellie took a zip up jacket, fastening it and looking at Joel. His eyes wrinkled when he smiled down at her glimmering face and he rustled her loose hair. 

For the first time, she let her hair hang down, and it had grown surprisingly long since they’d gotten to Jackson.  _ I need to get Joel to cut it… not safe to have it too long. Maybe he’ll do it tomorrow… hope I don’t end up looking like I was in a house fire.  _ Ellie smiled, taking Joel’s hand as he pushed the door open. Their skin froze under the winter’s night and Ellie shuddered, pressing her head into the nape of Joel’s neck. “Shit, it’s fucking freezing.” 

“Yeah, reckon we can’t stay too long, it’ll just get colder.” Ellie didn’t like staying out during Winter, she didn’t want to make a scene. Her visions still occurred sometimes… when she just saw David standing in the corner, or her own bloody corpse before laying limp before her… maybe it was just something as simple as Callus’ massacred body.   
Wind was whipping near them and Ellie trotted towards the main hall, hearing subtle music from the closed off building. Christmas lights and reindeer decorations laid in front of the structure and she saw Maria and Tommy from a distance. It all felt too… surreal. Like it was the quiet before a storm. She could almost forget about Winter but in moments, a meteor could come out of the sky and bludgeon Ellie into the ground. “Alright, you gonna go hang out with your friends, or…?” 

“Funny you assumed that I’m not just here for the food, Joel.” She jumped, moving towards the food table immediately and starting to gab about the different food to Joel. He chuckled, watching her take a hearty meal. He’d almost forgotten about the condition with her immunity, and he cursed at himself for occasionally forgetting to make sure she’d eaten at least twice a day. 

Seeing her burn was a wake-up call. Ellie conserved so much in herself and she kept the world on her shoulders, not allowing herself to talk to anyone. Joel and Tommy both tried to get her to see a professional during Winter, but deep down, Joel knew there was no chance she’d  _ truly  _ open up to anyone beside him. And he prided himself on that, a very small part of him did, but most of Joel was sad that she felt like she had to conceal herself so much. 

So, as the night went off, they broke off slightly. Dina dragged Ellie off and tried to get her to dance, but to no avail. Ellie let her succeed with the makeup, but her shell was still hard and persistent. Ellie wasn’t used to having people her age who actually liked her for who she truly was, and ever since she opened up to Jesse and Ellie, they’d actually accepted her. But now, the song was slow, and Jesse and Dina had been dancing for most of it. But finally, Jesse tapped out for the night and resorted back to his home. So now, Dina and Ellie had their hands wrapped around each other’s necks while a slow song played through the building. 

Around half of the people had left, so the building was fairly empty, but now completely. There were around forty or fifty people, just talking and enjoying the night. Joel and Faye had begun to dance, and he looked  _ so happy.  _ Ellie felt terrible. Why couldn’t she just be happy for him? He always accepted anything she did, but for some reason, she wasn’t able to feel comfortable around Faye. “Alright… tell me one more.” Dina whispered, both of their eyes connected.

Dina, being Dina, overdressed. But, she looked like a princess. She wore a short skirt and a long hoodie that loosely framed her body. Ellie thought she looked enchanted. “Um… What did one boat say to the other? Are you up for a little row-mance?” Dina giggled, pressing her forehead against Ellie’s. Dina had snuck a drop of alcohol into her system, so she was a little loopy. She asked Ellie, but the smaller girl rejected it, Winter still dousing her. She needed to be alert at all times, and always be prepared for a fight. Her knife still lived in her back pocket. 

“You’re such a sap.” Dina teased, not noticing how Ellie’s lips were inches from hers. But, Ellie surely noticed. A deep blush rested on her cheeks and her lips were full. Dina had assaulted Ellie with terrible cologne after the taller girl danced for nearly an hour, and she smelled like hot garbage. So now, both of them were surrounded by such a thick scent they both coughed every now and then. 

Ellie nodded, curling her lips upwards while the stench of slight alcohol drifted from Dina’s warm exhale. “Yeah, but… it’s part of my charm, isn’t it?” Ellie softly replied, seeing the tire beginning to grow on Dina’s face. “Think we should get you home…” Ellie murmured, seeing that Dina’s makeup had grown shinier, but the composure was in much less grace. 

Dina shook her head, a slight drunken smile hanging on her lips. She hadn’t had that much, but Dina’s tolerance for alcohol wasn’t exactly too high, as it had been one of her first times drinking. “No…” Dina hung her last word, singing it in a quiet tone. Ellie noticed the figure of Joel and Faye dancing on the other side of the room. Faye looked sympathetic from one side, from the side Joel saw her from, but… Ellie saw her true side, but she just didn’t know that it was truly her correct personality… Ellie just thought it was her fears being irrational. “Just till the end of the song… pleaseee?” Dina begged quietly, pressing her forehead against Ellie’s. 

And then, the song ended,  _ and Dina moved in to kiss Ellie.  _ Ellie wanted to press back so badly, but she couldn’t do it to Jesse… and Dina wasn’t sober. It wouldn’t feel right, if she was drunk. It’d feel like Ellie was taking advantage of her looseness. So, Ellie swallowed, pulling away from Dina sadly. “I can’t… do that to Jesse… I’m sorry.” Ellie whispered, tragedy riddled in her expression.  _ I can’t do this.  _ However, their near kiss didn’t go unnoticed. 

“Okay… I-” 

“Hey! This is a family event.” The pair turned around, seeing a large man glaring at them from a few feet away. Ellie disconnected herself from Dina, but kept her hand latched to Dina’s. Dina looked at him, smiling slightly as if he was joking. He was built averagely, and was wearing jeans and a sweater. His silver hair was receding and his stair was hard and cold. 

Ellie began to lead Dina away, knowing she probably needed to get home soon, since the girl would have a subtle hangover in the morning. “Sorry…” Dina exhaled with a smile, but the man’s stare continued through Ellie and Dina. “ _ Sorry. _ ” Dina emphasized, leading Ellie away as she saw the red-head’s anger begin to bubble. 

“Yeah, next time remember there’s kids around.” Ellie paused, her fists clenching as she looked back at the man. But, Dina pulled her along again, giving Ellie a shake.  _ It’s not worth it, Ellie… you already have a reputation here, just keep walking.  _ She spoke to herself, closing her eyes and just letting Dina lead her out of the building, retreating back to her house. 

“Yeah, like you’re setting such a great example.” Dina snickered, glaring at the man and seeing that he had begun to slowly follow them. Ellie wanted so desperately to just shut him up, but clenching her nails into her fists let her anger radiate from her. The man scoffed, raising his arms as the music stopped.  _ Shut up, just shut up.  _ Ellie begged, knowing she’d be able to win in a physical fight against the man, and the anger bubbling up in her felt like she was seconds from doing so. 

“Great, just what this town needs, more loud mouthed dykes.” Ellie stopped. She just stopped trying to mask herself, she stopped trying to push down her anger and she broke herself from Dina’s grip, facing the man with a dangerous fury riddled in her eyes. It grew quiet and stunned gasps filed across the crowd, all of their eyes on the man. Ellie began to make her way towards the man, even with Dina trying to hold her back. 

“What the  _ fuck  _ did you just say?!” Ellie demanded, feet from the man. She cracked her knuckles, glaring at him. The man met her expression and he crossed his arms, his hands curled into fists and his knuckles white with anger. But, Ellie felt herself being pushed back by Dina, while the girl tried to keep her back. 

Dina looked into Ellie’s eyes, trying to push her back. “Hey, Ellie, Ellie, don’t.” Dina whispered, trying to take Ellie’s hand again but the smaller girl pushed her attempt away, moving towards the man with her knife still hidden in her back pocket. The man began to move towards her as well, almost as if he was going to fight back until finally, someone pushed her out of the way. 

Joel shoved the man back, a furious expression on his face. Joel held him in his grip and glared at him, holding him by the corner. “Get your hands off of me.” 

“Say that again, I swear…” Ellie tuned out of his dialogue and she just bore her eyes into Joel’s figure, protecting her with a flame in his eyes. She turned around, seeing Faye behind Joel, but her  _ arm was exposed.  _ And, a haunting tattoo rested on Faye’s wrist. When Ellie took in the sight of her ash-white skin, she saw a firefly symbol looking back at her. 

All of Ellie’s attention was turned to Faye and she stared at the logo, a million different memories returning to her at once.  _ She’s a Firefly… was she there? Does she know who I am? Does she know who Joel is? What does she want with him?  _ Ellie’s face died and she looked up into Faye’s eyes, her skin as white as the snow and frost outside. The woman met her gaze, then trailed down to Ellie’s sight on the tattoo. Faye instantly ripped her shirt up, concealing the mark and beginning to move towards Ellie, but the girl took her knife from her hand, shaking her head.  _ Does she want to hurt Joel?  _ Ellie asked, cold shock racing through her. 

_ She was right. Faye’s intentions weren’t to get with Joel. Her instinct was right.  _ Ellie relapsed from the woman, walking back and feeling Dina’s hand hold hers. The entire time,  _ she was a firefly.  _ Distrust and absolute terror drifted through Ellie as she realized how many times Joel had been alone with her.  _ Was she going to hurt him? Is she?  _ Ellie asked, her breathing accelerating. The cold looking woman glared at Ellie, like she was nothing more than a cockroach stuck on the side of her shoe. Faye looked  _ furious,  _ and that terrified Ellie. 

She looked like she wanted to charge Ellie and just kill her on the spot, to keep her quiet.  _ Why is she doing this? Doesn’t she know they were going to kill me…? For a chance, a  _ chance,  _ at a vaccine?  _ Ellie had come to terms with what Joel had done, even if she still blamed herself slightly. But, she knew how many fireflies Joel had killed. What if one of them had been close to Faye?  _ What if she wants revenge?  _ Ellie realized with a horrified expression. Her hands shook slightly, but she clenched them into fists, looking to Faye’s incandescent expression. 

Maria’s voice took her out of the spell and she broke her gaze away, feeling like it almost physically hurt her to now not keep an eye on Faye.  _ Think about it later…  _ Ellie told herself, cold shock still racing through her. She knew that’d be the only thing on her mind whenever Faye was around now: whether or not she was about to hurt Joel, or her. “C’mon, let’s get you some air.” Maria spoke, taking the man, Tommy said his name was Seth when he was pushing him away from Ellie, out of the building and leading him back towards the streets. 

“Are you okay?” Ellie asked Dina, looking in her eyes with anger still spiked in her irises. Dina nodded, simply looking up at Ellie and muttering a ‘thank you’ to Joel, who shook it off. Tommy moved towards Dina, taking her from Ellie’s grip despite her protests. The music slowly began to resume, and Joel quickly went to Ellie, taking her hands. She had cold terror on her face, but Joel didn’t realize it wasn’t because of Seth. 

“Ellie, you alright?” Joel asked, seeing her fists were squeezing into each other and he gently unraveled them, looking in her eyes. “Hey.” He shook her gently, bringing her face to meet his, but she looked behind him, at the cold woman sending daggers with her eyes. “C’mon, let’s go home.” Joel spoke, taking Ellie’s hand and turning around to Faye. He made an excuse, gesturing down to Ellie, but her hearing was replaced by white noise and all she could see was the tattoo on Faye’s wrist. _  
_ Finally, Faye was gone from view and Ellie sighed, looking back towards the building. Joel knelt in front of her, the snow crunching under weight. “Hey… you okay?” Joel asked, directing his head towards her with his palms, seeing her shocked expression. “Ellie.” She was in a trance and he snapped her out of it, squeezing her hand. 

“What…? No, I’m fine.” Ellie whispered, looking back at the restaurant and seeing Faye watch them from the door. Ellie turned around, sensing that the Winter night had turned much colder. “Please, can we get home, please.” Ellie begged, feeling unsafe and terrified. Joel scrunched his features together, wondering why she was so shaken up. 

That  _ bastard  _ had called her such a horrible name, and he wished that he could’ve made him pay, but she was usually more upset than shaken in these situations. It was unprecedented. “Okay…” Joel whispered, taking her hand and leading them towards the house. _ Can I tell him…? How do I tell him that? ‘Hey, the girl you’ve fallen in love with wants to kill us.’ He loves her… he’ll be so broken. I can’t tell him.  _

It wasn’t even a day that he’d said she could, she knew that, but this was different. This wasn’t about her. Joel had finally let his romantic guard down and let someone besides Ellie get close to him. How could Ellie take that away? It was silent and Ellie breathed, feeling terrified. How many times had she been alone with Faye? How many times could she have done something to Ellie, or Joel? What happened to Faye at Salt Lake? Did Joel kill someone she loved? “C-can we stay up tonight?” Ellie asked, feeling terrified. What if Faye tried to hurt them? 

“Yeah, of course.” Joel nodded, seeing she felt unsafe. He squeezed her hand, cursing under his breath and opening the door, allowing Ellie to move inside. “C’mon, it’s cold out there.” Joel shut the door, sealing the snow out. For the first time since after Chase, Ellie locked the door. Joel noticed this, and took both of her hands, leading her towards the couch. “Want me to clean this off so you can get to bed?” He asked, referring to her makeup. She nodded, picturing the firefly tattoo in her head. 

Ellie was on autopilot and she sat down on the couch, staring blankly and being consumed in her thoughts.  _ Why is she with Joel? If one of the Fireflies he hurt was with her… why does she want to be with him…? To hurt him?  _ Ellie tried to think of what to do. She  _ literally  _ had no one to talk to. It wasn’t like she could tell Dina or Jesse:  _ ‘hey, my dad’s girlfriend is crazy because he possibly killed someone that she cared about. Also, have I told you I’m immune to the virus that ended the world?’ Yeah, that should go well.  _ Ellie snorted, thinking of how that would go. “Alright, c’mere.” Joel murmured, taking makeup wipes that Dina had left and gently brushing the pigments away, returning with dark green eyeshadow and black eyeliner. 

“This stuff itches.” Ellie smiled slightly, trying to push her horror down. Joel snickered, nodding his head and wiping the eye makeup off, before taking her foundation and concealer off. 

“Yeah, surprised Dina got you to wear this.” Joel chuckled, getting the last of the makeup off and tossing it onto the counter, not wanting to get up. Ellie seemed… off. She was trying to hide her fear, trying to conceal the truth from Joel. She knew he’d try to conceal his pain, try to shield it, but the truth was, if she told him, he’d be destroyed. “Sarah used to do this stuff… tried to get me to wear it once. I didn’t.” Joel answered her before she could even ask that question. 

Ellie looked up at Joel, with the question on her lips. “No, you ain’t putting that stuff on me.” He laughed, watching her turn the television on and begin to pick a movie from the disks that laid on the table.  _ I should tell him… no… I just need to be careful. But, I can’t let her get alone with him. I need to protect him. I don’t care about me… he needs to be protected.  _ “Alright, what’re we watchin’ tonight then?”

As the night progressed, Ellie grew more tired and slowly, sleep took over her, despite her terror and fear.  _ What if she hurts us?  _ “Merry Christmas, baby girl.” Joel whispered, kissing her forehead and pulling her close to him. He fixed his attention onto the television, knowing he’d be staying up. It seemed like she felt unsafe. After nearly two years with Ellie, he’d become a master in her body language, and she was stressed, but he didn’t think it had something to do with the bigoted bastard at the dance. “I love you…” He murmured softly, knowing she was already asleep. What he didn’t know was that there was a face behind him, watching from the window in the door.  _ I need to take care of this now.  _ The face thought, remembering the girl seeing her secret.  _ I need to take care of her.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading! this chapter actually gave me some chills writing it, imagining someone in my window gives me fucking nightmare fuel LMAO. anyway, requests are open for a few more chapters before they're closed for this season, so get 'em in now! comments/kudos are appreciated, and as always, have an amazing day! there will be an update in a few days since i start work this week and am gonna be a bit busy.


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Dina have their first patrol together; Joel shows Ellie a true part of the Winter.

_ What do I do? What do I do?  _ Ellie asked herself, watching the sun stream through the windows. The entire night, she didn’t sleep a second. Joel did, and she pretended to slumber so that he would submit himself to unconsciousness, but Ellie didn’t sleep. She was too terrified, and she wanted to watch over Joel. Ellie considered it her obligation to take care of Joel, and she now knew Faye was an extremely prevalent threat. The woman could hurt them at any moment, and Ellie didn’t plan on letting anything happen to Joel. 

She knew that it’d end in him being hurt, though. He loved Faye… and she felt the literal opposite for him. Ellie remembered when she saw Dina kissing Jesse and the hurt that had hit her at first… she furrowed her eyes in sadness, having to think of Joel reliving that. They’d fallen asleep on the couch once again, and Ellie was hiding in Joel’s arms, trying to assure safety to herself but failing desperately. 

Pulling her out of her thoughts, Joel’s breathing began to slowly rise and Ellie looked up, seeing his eyebrows tighten. “Joel.” Ellie whispered, realizing he was having a nightmare. Ellie rose up, seeing his muscles tense and loosen and she felt a lump in her throat grow. “Joel, c’mon.” Ellie murmured, raising her voice more and more as whispers began to escape from his lips. ‘Ellie. Sarah.’ Those were the words he repeated, and she just shook him more. “Joel, wake up. Wake up.” Ellie’s voice was hoarse when she saw a tear roll from his eyes. 

Joel suddenly let out a terrible gasp for air, shooting up and looking around him. Ellie moved away, moving in front of him and showing that she was right there because most of the time, his nightmares consisted of her not being okay. Losing another daughter was the monster under his bed, the terror that absolutely made him shake. Joel breathed, looking into her eyes and shutting them again, leaning back against the pillow and exhaling in relief. “I’m right here.” Ellie nodded, sitting atop his waist while he laid down on the couch. “We’re okay.” She swore, holding his cheek with her tiny hand and trying to smile, but it failed. 

He wiped his face, brushing his hair back and slowly opening his eyes, looking at her. Joel looked her up and down, almost trying to certify she was okay. He suddenly took her into a hug, pushing his head into her shoulder and wrapping her in his arms. She allowed it, seeing that whatever he’d seen had shaken him greatly. “Thank God…” Joel whispered, taking in the scent of her hair and brushing her back, assuring himself they were okay. He went back, all the way into Summer when those hunters captured them… except this time, Ellie wasn’t okay, and Joel was forced to watch her bleed out. Joel screwed his eyes shut, but opened them once again, making sure for a final time that Ellie was still alive. “Thank you.” He murmured, but he wasn’t sure if he was speaking to Ellie or whatever higher power permitted them the ability to both be okay. 

“It’s okay.” Ellie promised, listening to his heartbeat in his chest and hearing his sniffles. “I’m right here.” She repeated, getting from his arms and looking him in the eyes. Joel’s eyes were shimmering and he took his hand, nestling it in her hair and bringing her close. He kissed the top of her forehead, exhaling with a deep sigh of relief. 

_ We’re okay… Ellie’s alright.  _ He told himself, remembering the terror he’d felt not only a second ago. “Okay… alright…” Joel murmured under his breath, slowly leaning himself against the couch and sitting up. Ellie moved off of him, perching on the couch beside him and watching him carefully. “Thank you.” Joel nodded, his fear slowly leaving his system when he felt Ellie’s small hand clasp around his. 

“Do you want to… to tell me about it?” Ellie asked, taking his other hand and looking into his eyes. They were a fiery chestnut, and small flecks of green and ember were hidden in his irises.  _ ‘You talk to me.’  _ Ellie remembered his words, hearing his breath hitch. 

But slowly, he nodded, looking out towards the windows and sighing, trying to set a good example for Ellie. Maybe if he talked to her, she’d do the same. Ellie was still off after last night. Joel had become a master in her body language, and with the way she held her breath like something was going to explode told Joel she didn’t feel safe… she was scared. “Just… ever since it happened… I just keep seein’ that night… over and over. And it just… switches. Between her and… and you.” Joel’s voice was haunted and he looked away from Ellie, shaking his head. “I… I can’t do that again.” His hoarse voice met her ears and she cringed, moving back towards him and sliding his arm over her. “After Sarah… I just couldn’t breathe… and I… I can’t do it again.” Joel repeated, looking down to her young face. 

Their eyes met and he felt the tiniest bit of comfort run through him at her expression… she looked so…  _ alive.  _ “You won’t have to.” Ellie swore, nestling her head into his neck and feeling the edges of his beard itch the very top of her head. “I’m not planning on going anywhere.”  _ Neither did Tess… or Sarah.  _ Joel morbidly thought, letting her lean into his chest and try to comfort him. “You’ll just have to get used to my shitty jokes for the rest of your life.” She smiled when he smirked down at her. A brush of relief bled through her and she prided herself on the fact that she had brought him back slightly. But it slowly disappeared and she frowned, looking him in the eyes and seeing his shimmering eyes. “Hey… I can’t get Infected. I’m not going anywhere, alright?”  _ ‘Stop with the bullshit… What are you so afraid of? That I’m gonna end up like Sam? I can’t get Infected!’  _

Ellie tried not to remember that day at the ranch, but it haunted her. ‘ _ You’re not my daughter… and I sure as hell ain’t your dad… and we are going our separate ways.”  _ Part of Ellie died that day. Joel nodded, trying to get the sight of Ellie’s bite-ridden body out of his head.  _ I should tell him now…  _ her lips opened, and he awaited what she was going to say, but they closed and she looked down, scanning the area around them. It felt like someone was watching them and a trail of goosebumps ran down Ellie’s back.  _ He’ll be so destroyed. I can’t… I can deal with this on my own. I can and I will. You won’t need to worry, Joel.  _ Ellie swore, trying to think of a solution.  _ Maybe I can tell Tommy, or Maria. Tommy will help me.  _

Her stomach growled and she looked down, seeing Joel’s slight smirk. He wiped the tears from his face and tamed his messy hair, rustling hers as well. Joel slowly got up from the couch, stretching and letting the terror of the nightmare roll off of his back. That was one skill he had that Ellie didn’t: learning to heal. Ellie just pushed everything down deeper and deeper until she couldn’t feel it anymore, and all she could see was her numbness. “Yeah, reckon I could eat, too, after all that drama last night.” 

“God… that guy was such a prick.” Ellie growled, remembering the name he’d called Dina and her. If Joel didn’t come in… she would’ve hurt the man, Seth. But from the expression that was on his face, it seemed almost like Seth planned on doing the same thing to Ellie. “He’s lucky you got there first.” 

Joel chuckled, but anger still lived in him when he thought of the homophobic asshole that had gone near his daughter. He didn’t know what happened… she was off ever since the interaction, but not in the way he expected. He expected her to act like this: be angry, but when he first took her out of that dance, she was  _ terrified.  _ But… he didn’t know why. “Alright… got some left over bacon.” Ellie’s eyes lit up and she jogged to the kitchen’s island, pushing herself onto the granite and looking at the meat as it slowly cooked in the oven. 

They were scheduled for patrols again, or… Ellie was. Dina had convinced Maria to permit her outside, and after nearly a week of just begging and begging, Joel allowed Ellie to go.  _ ‘No more than an hour, Ellie.’  _ She smiled at how fatherly he was. Ellie looked down at her left wrist, imagining a firefly symbol on it. After seeing Faye, so many memories had come back. Part of the reason she was so distant was because all she could think of was the names she hadn’t thought of in so long. Tess, Sam, Henry,  _ Marlene…  _ all of the people she’d killed. It scared Ellie that she couldn’t remember their faces, or even where or how she’d killed them. 

Joel watched her, frowning and taking her hand. He tried to irradiate the dream from his brain, and that terrible night of Sarah’s death. It wasn’t enough to live it once, he had to see it over and over and over again. Joel felt pain when he realized that was what Ellie had to go through in Winter, and  _ now,  _ during the relapse of her memories. “So, uh… might be going over to Faye’s today again, think you can-” 

“No, um… no.” Ellie broke his sentence, trying to think of something to do, something to say to make him stay. Then, she remembered her hair, and how it now fell to right below her chest.  _ I should cut it, it’s not safe to have it this long.  _ “Can… Can you stay with me instead? I need you to cut my hair, it’s getting too long. I’d do it myself, but I can’t reach.” Ellie let her curly hair loose and it fell down. Joel sighed, nodding. 

He felt bad after ditching Faye at the dance the other night, but Ellie still seemed to feel uncomfortable, and Ellie came above everyone else. Part of her was still strange after the dance and Joel just wished she’d tell him, but based on prior events, he knew it not to be the case. “Alright, baby…” He whispered, taking her hand and squeezing it. They had to leave for patrol in around an hour, so they had time. 

“Just, don’t, like… massacre my hair, please.” Ellie smiled sheepishly and he raised an eyebrow at her, taking a scissor from the kitchen counter and leading her towards the bathroom. She sat on the edge of the tub, looking at him anxiously. Really, she didn’t care about her hair, but she’d sacrifice its length to keep Joel away from Faye. Faye  _ knew  _ Ellie had found out her truth, so would she even bother concealing her true purpose? Did she want to hurt Joel, or Ellie? Or both? “Seriously.” 

“Yeah, yeah… y’know, I used to cut Sarah’s hair when she was a baby. I got experience.” Joel smirked, seeing her roll her eyes at him with a small smile on her lips. He gently took her hair in his arms, turning her around so her back was facing him. He brushed out the dark red strands, making it unknotted and placing the scissors in his right hand. “Alright, don’t move.” He whispered, gently cutting the hair -around three or four inches off- and letting the strands fall into the porcelain bathtub noiselessly. 

She shut her eyes, realizing she hadn’t cut her hair since David. This was the same hair David had touched, and the same hair so many hunters had tugged on their year journey. It was the same hair Riley had once brushed. Ellie took a strand of it, holding it in her hands and before she could even do anything, a tear rolled down her cheek. Ellie brushed it away, but more replaced them. She tried to stay silent, slowly failing. 

Winter had been so grueling, and living through it again was taking a mental toll on her. But most of all, she was scared. She was scared that Joel would end up hurt. Either physically, or mentally because of Faye. Ellie didn’t care about what happened to her, for all she cared, she could end up on the verge of death… Ellie just needed Joel to be okay. 

Joel continued to cut the hair, gently pulling the last bit from her hand and cutting an even amount from it. But, he noticed a tear rolling down Ellie’s cheek. “Ellie…” He whispered, turning her around and seeing tears pressing against her skin. “Hey… hey, what’s wrong?” Joel asked, cupping her face gently and wiping her tears from her eyes. “Hey…” 

“I’m sorry… I know I’ve been quiet since… since Winter started.” Ellie suddenly spoke, looking into Joel’s eyes with a twinkle in her irises. She was trying to talk to him, and succeeding for the first time. He was right, it helped a weight lift from her back, even if it was small. “I just wanted to push all of it down… everything he did…” Joel’s throat closed around him and he held her hands, turning her around and making her face him. His palms framed her face and she tried to smile, but failed. “But it’s not working… and I don’t know how else to deal with it. Please, I…” She stopped for a moment, her voice breaking as tears began to pool over her eyes. “I need help… I don’t know how to fix it. Whatever I do, it never makes it go away.” 

_ Oh, baby girl…  _ He thought, watching her face collapse before him. This was the first time they  _ really  _ talked about Winter in the second run of the season of Hell. “Oh, Ellie…” He murmured, looking into her eyes and caressing her cheek with his hand. She leaned into his grip, shutting her eyes and sniffling. “I’m right here… and I promise, I’m going to make this better for you, okay? I swear.” Ellie looked up, seeming to be relieved at his answer.  _ I’m going to help you. I promise… you’re not doing this alone, Ellie.  _

“Okay.” She whispered, wiping her shorter hair back and pulling it into a ponytail. Joel watched her, his eyebrows furrowed upwards in tragedy.  _ Okay… I feel better.  _ Ellie thought after coming clean to Joel… but she still felt guilty.  _ He deserves to know. He’d tell me… but would I want him to? If Dina was trying to kill me, would I want him to tell me?  _ Ellie knew somewhere, deep in her she would want to know, but she also knew how much it’d hurt. “Alright…” 

“After Sarah… after Sarah died… I locked myself up… and it was bad. I don’t want that for you… so talk to me, okay?” Joel asked and Ellie looked him in the eyes. He was so open with her about Sarah and when opposed to Autumn, it showed how much Joel cared about her and trusted her. That made her feel a little better and she wiped her eyes, tying her cut hair behind her and pulling it into a braid. “What do I always say…?” His voice was hoarse and Ellie managed a painful smile, meeting his dark brown eyes. 

Their gaze met and a million words were spoken with their pupils. Ellie seemed to lighten and her back loosened from its straight, frozen shape. “‘We… we do it together.’” She whispered, seeing him nod before planting in his arms, still sitting on the edge of the tub. 

“That’s right.” He praised her, rubbing her back and letting her just hide in his grip. Ellie felt warm when he hugged her and she smiled, relieving herself and assuring her own soul that Joel wasn’t leaving. Now she understood Joel’s nightmare and she tightened her grip against his shirt, wrinkling it. 

Ellie wanted so desperately to tell him. She wanted it  _ so badly,  _ but he’d be so destroyed… so, for the first time since Winter, she just let all of it out and cried in Joel’s arms. This was the worst of her crying… she just concealed herself in his arms and placed her hands around his neck, pulling her closer to him. And minutes went by and finally… Elile pulled away from him, wiping her tears and sighing. “I should get going… Dina’s probably waiting for me.” 

They were scheduled for patrol that day. Ellie had to  _ beg  _ Joel to allow her to go outside without him, but he broke eventually. Ellie stood slowly, brushing the stray hairs off of her shoulders and tightening her ponytail. She looked better. Her plump cheeks were colored a rosy shade due to the slightly cold air. He saw that was as comfortable she was going to get with him for now and he nodded, taking her hand and leading her out of the bathroom. “Y’know… this isn’t that bad, old man.” Ellie smirked, looking in the mirror and letting her shorter hair down. It fell right by her shoulders and was thick in volume. Joel smiled sheepishly, thankful to see that Ellie was still able to smile, even in the second month of Winter. 

_ What if he goes with her when I’m gone?  _ Ellie hated letting him out of her sight for even a second after learning the truth about Faye.  _ How could she be so cruel? Joel’s the most caring, most heart-felt person I’ve ever met… how could she do that to someone? To him… to Dad?  _ Ellie asked, trotting towards the couch and taking her bag from the cushion. The straps were wrapped around her arms and she unsheathed her knife, holding it in her hands. “You promise me you’ll be careful.” Joel spoke in a monotone voice, meeting her eyes and seeing her roll her eyes, but a curl of her lips assured him. 

Ellie had let out her tragedy a moment ago and she was surprised to find Joel was right: she felt lighter, like she could actually make it through Winter. “I will.” Ellie held up three fingers, crossing them across her heart and watching Joel make his way towards the kitchen, taking food he’d packed for her. Joel was so careful after the news from those doctors, he always had food on him and made sure food was always easily accessible for Ellie. “I promise, Joel.” She sang, kissing his cheek as a daughter would a father. 

“I’ll be back soon!” Ellie smiled, giggling before slipping out of the door, racing off towards the ranch in excitement. 

Joel watched her, hating that she was moving away from him and into even the slightest bit of danger. Still, he was happy she was moving on, or at least 

She was trying to distract herself, trying to accelerate the  _ good  _ feelings and neglect the bad ones. Winter, David, the sudden rehashing of the fireflies: she left it in that bathroom. And she didn’t know what that felt like prior to her sudden admission of fear. She tried to seem so invulnerable and strong, but it was slowly failing and she was glad she let the mask slip. 

The snow had begun to decrease, since it was now January. Granted, it still piled inches high -five or six- and she trudged through it, her skin being kissed with the cold and frost. _I made sure we won’t go out too far, I told Maria to pick somewhere that's already been cleared. Just this time… don’t want Dina to end up hurt… can’t handle that right now… I’m too on edge._  
She approached the warmth of the ranch and pried the door open, pressing it closed behind her and looking to Dina with a smile. “Ellie!” Dina gasped, seeing her short hair and taking in her hands gently, combing it out and smiling at the smaller girl. “Oh my God, this looks so cute!” Dina squealed, giggling as Ellie rolled her eyes, moving past the girl and going to get one of the horses. 

Shimmer had become Ellie’s favorite. The mare was sweet and gentle, and she also had the same forest smell that Joel shared. “Hey, Shimmer…” Ellie whispered, brushing out the horse’s mane and saddling her. “Where’s Jesse?” Ellie asked, noticing the sweet boy’s clear disappearance. 

“Oh, he’s with Maria, at the nursery.” Ellie snickered, smiling at Jesse’s sweetness. He was amazing with the infants, and that only made Dina love him more… but they hadn’t exactly  _ said  _ the ‘l’ word yet, but both of them knew they meant it. It was like how Joel and Ellie were before they’d both said it. The affection and love was  _ true,  _ but so was the scare factor that it wouldn’t work out, and it’d just hurt more. “Alright, come on, come on, let’s go!” Dina sang, a smile on her face. “God, I haven’t been out in months, these walls are getting old.” 

It felt like they were cattle, and the infected were just the Infected were just the wolves waiting for their meal. But, Ellie didn’t know if she’d rather be caged up, or just eaten. “Yeah, just… stay close to me.” Ellie ordered, looking back to Dina and squeezing her hand. Dina mounted Shimmer, sitting behind Ellie and suddenly kissing her cheek. Ellie’s cheeks ran red and she stayed silent, moving the reins.  _ This isn’t right. She’s with Jesse… I shouldn’t be doing this.  _ Ellie thought, feeling guilty and tightening her grip on the reins. “Alright… how much does a polar bear weigh…? Enough to break the ice.” Dina chuckled, watching as the gates slowly passed them by. 

“What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus-rex?” Ellie smiled, looking back at Dina as they rode through the snow. After she confessed to Joel, it had a misty glow over it… like one day, she could almost think of Winter without seeing David constantly. Ellie noticed the snow was beginning to pick up, but she couldn’t care: Dina was right beside her and her hand on Ellie’s kept the smaller girl tethered to the physical world. 

“Alright, stay, Shimmer.” Ellie whispered, dismounting the horse and leading Dina and Shimmer towards the school. The reins were tied around the fence of the school as the pair approached the building. “C’mon the front door should still be unlocked.” Their teeth had already begun to chatter and Ellie squeezed Dina’s hand, making both of them warm slightly. 

But, when Ellie’s hands tried to push the door open, she found it was frozen shut. “Fuck.” Ellie cursed, looking back at Dina and trying it again, but it obviously didn’t work. “Shit, okay…” 

“Guess we’re finding another way in, then.” Dina shrugged, letting Ellie lead her until finally, she looked down at her jeans. Tommy, against his better judgement, gave Dina a pistol. It was barely above a B.B gun, but Tommy knew Ellie would be able to protect Dina with no hesitance. Besides, Joel had made sure to cover the same territory that Ellie and Dina were going to. It was the first time she went outside without him beside her, and he was  _ damn  _ going to make sure she would be safe. “Hey, Ellie, over here.” 

Ellie’s head perked up and she looked to the same broken window Joel had propped her into. The glass was still broken and she looked up, smiling slightly. “Alright… think you can push me up?” Ellie asked, placing her hands on her hips and looking her in the eyes. Dina huffed, her eyes averting to the large gap and then back down towards her best-friend…  _ we’re friends… right, D?  _ “Hope so for your sake.” 

Ellie stuck her tongue out, making her way below the broken window and leaning on Dina’s hand. Dina bent her knee into the snow and with much struggle, she pushed Ellie up. But, as soon as Ellie’s hands reached the window, she was able to pull herself up. “Got it?” Dina called up, peeking her head up and seeing Ellie’s cheerful face look down from above. 

“Do you know the password?” Ellie joked, reaching her hand down with a toothy grin. Dina barked a fake laugh, wrapping her fingers around Ellie’s and feeling her weight be pulled up from the ground. “God, you’re heavy.” Ellie teased, finally getting Dina through, but they both fell against the ground, Dina now sitting atop Ellie. 

A silence fell between them and their eyes met. A million words could be spoken with that gaze and the only sound was the razor-sharp winds outside the safety -well, ‘safety’- of the school. “Y’know… you look kinda cute like this.” Dina whispered, brushing Ellie’s cut hair behind her ear and wanting to lean in. Slowly, she began to but Ellie sighed, leaning away. 

_ I can’t do this to Jesse.  _ Ellie thought, looking away with an ocean of guilt in her gut.  _ I shouldn’t do this to Dina, either.  _ Her conscience argued, getting into a screaming match with each side. She felt a devil and angel lying on her shoulders, but Jesse’s destroyed figure appearing in her mind turned her away. “We can’t do this…” Ellie murmured, looking in Dina’s eyes with tears shimmering in her emerald eyes. Dina bore her gaze into Ellie, disappointment and heartbreak riddled in her pale, cold skin.  _ I want to try.  _ Dina thought, brushing a strand of hair from her own face. 

“Well, I usually don’t do what I’m supposed to.” Dina whispered, leaning in but once again, Ellie pushed away, shaking her head.  _ I can’t do this.  _ Ellie thought, looking into Dina’s eyes and furrowing her eyebrows. 

“I’m sorry… I can’t.” The last time she’d been kissed was David… and even though this was nothing near similar to that, it wasn’t only her distrust and discomfort in relationships. Ellie sighed, shutting her eyes and taking a deep swallow. “I’m not ready for this…” Ellie admitted, her voice husked and cold. Dina’s body shifted and she nodded, taking herself off of Ellie and standing. She brushed the snow from her body and reached her hand down, helping Ellie up. “Dina-” 

Dina shook her head, giving Ellie a painful smile. “It’s fine, Ellie.” Dina assured her, keeping Ellie’s hand and they moved through the building, remarking amongst small things and trying to clear the tension. They had lunch and Ellie shared the sandwich Joel had made her… the day went by, and Ellie remembered Joel didn’t want her out too long. 

“We should head back… I don’t want Joel and Tommy to worry.” Ellie murmured, looking in Dina’s eyes and faking a smile. Ellie felt tremendous guilt about rejecting Dina, as she knew what that felt like… but she also knew it’d be nothing compared to the whole she would feel if she did that to Jesse. 

“Okay, Ellie.” Dina abided by Ellie’s words, knowing she was out of her field here. Outside and Infected, killing, were Ellie’s things… Dina was the one permitted to be an actual teenager. ‘Let’s do our makeup…’ ‘ _ Let’s go shopping…’ Let’s pretend I haven’t killed tens of people, Dina…  _ They slowly made their way back to Shimmer, both of them mounting and beginning to trudge through the snow. “Shit.” Dina cursed when she realized the snow had started to pour through the air, piling up to nearly three feet of pure powder. Ellie could barely walk in it and she tried to force Shimmer to move quicker, but the beast was laggard and manual in the weather. 

“Should we wait it out in there?” Dina asked, looking back to the school and waiting for Ellie to say something. The slightly older girl didn’t exactly have a level head, but Ellie did, she was used to  _ much worse  _ than a little snow.

“No, we’ll be fine.” Ellie assured her, but she didn’t sound too sure. Ellie raised her heel against Shimmer, signaling for her to go faster. But, the horse was trying as desperately as she could to go through the deep level of snow. Ellie cursed under her breath, looking back at Dina and seeing the girl’s blue lips. “Hey, here.” Ellie slipped her coat off, wrapping it around Dina and leaving herself in just a thin hoodie. 

“Ellie, no, keep your jacket.” Dina said sternly, but Ellie’s hands kept the coat on, making Dina warmer.  _ Please go faster, Shimmer.  _ Ellie asked in her head, pressing the reins against Shimmer’s neck and shivering.  _ I should take my jacket back… but Dina needs it more.  _ Ellie lied to herself, looking back to Dina, who had her arms around Ellie, trying to warm her up if she wouldn’t take her own jacket bag. “Ellie, you really should put your coat on.” 

“It’s fine, we’ll be back soon.” Ellie lied, cursing under her breath and realizing she had completely lost her way. The footsteps they’d left on their way towards the school were lost and she was relying on nothing but her memory to get them home.  _ Fuck. _ Ellie swore, looking around them and begging for anything familiar. She heard Dina’s teeth chattering and she squeezed her nails into her palms, trying to force her brain into coming up with an idea. “Fuck, fuck.” Ellie growled, ceasing Shimmer’s movement and whipping her head around, trying to think of something.

“Maybe it’ll just stop.” Dina spoke, but even she didn’t believe it. Ellie shook her head, suddenly getting off of the horse and leading Shimmer, trying to make her go faster. “Ellie!” Dina squealed, seeing her second-half’s skin growing paler and paler, but she pushed her thighs through the snow. 

Ellie squinted her eyes, looking for anything. Then, finally, her eyes settled on a small, abandoned structure in the distance. “Here, here we go.” Ellie whispered, knowing Dina couldn’t hear her above the whipping, razor-sharp winds. Ellie sprinted as quickly as she could through the snow, holding Shimmer’s reins tightly in her palm. This act effectively tired her and she grew slower, hiding in her hoodie and trying to keep warm. “Come on, get down.” Ellie ordered gently, taking Dina’s freezing hand and leading both of them into the tiny building. It looked like it was a fallen guard toward, and she was just  _ barely  _ permitted to fit Shimmer, Dina and herself inside. 

“Fuck, it’s f-freezing.” Dina chattered, hiding her hands in Shimmer’s mane. Snow was dotted across the horse-hair, making it sparkle. Ellie cringed, looking around. 

“I know, we need to hole up here until it stops, or ‘till someone comes for us.”  _ Joel will come. He will. Or the snow will stop. We’ll live.  _ Ellie gathered a bundle of sticks, planting them into a teepee and taking a rustle of paper from her bag. She hid the kindling in the twigs and took her lighter, making a weak fire. Dina huddled around it, waving the fire with her hands and fanning the flames slightly. “Okay… we should be fine.” Ellie shivered violently, being shedded of her jacket. Part of her longed to ask for it, but the irrational fear of something happening to Dina blinded her. 

Dina frowned, moving to Ellie as they both crouched in front of the fire. Dina hugged her tightly, trying to share her body warmth with the red head. Ellie’s stomach growled and she cursed under her breath, looking in her bag for food and feeling a thin layer of fear push her blood up her veins when she saw nothing.  _ It’s fine… we won’t be here long. The storm will give out.  _ “We’ll be fine.” Ellie assured her, leaning against a piece of rubble and laying beside Dina. “Here…” Ellie whispered, taking her sleeping bag from her backpack and letting Dina climb in. She, too, crawled inside the sleeping bag and Dina pushed against her, hugging her once again. 

Ellie’s cheeks were a scarlet red and she looked down to Dina’s head in the nape of her neck. Her dark, black ponytail was sprawled across Dina’s snowy shirt and Ellie inhaled, breathing in the scent of strawberries. 

Slowly, minutes and minutes went by and the cold that pooled in Ellie’s feet began to thaw. Her head rose and she realized with a shaky relief that the snow had stopped. “Dina, Dina… look.” Ellie whispered, shaking Dina slightly and watching the slightly taller girl exhale with relief. 

“Oh, Thank God.” Dina breathed, reluctantly breaking away from Ellie in the sleeping bag and stroking Shimmer’s fur. Ellie wondered how long they had been out.  _ I hope Joel isn’t too worried… he’s definitely too worried.  _ Ellie corrected herself, standing and packing the sleeping bag up. Her boots stamped out the dying fire and when Ellie looked up, she saw Dina had already headed outside, mounting Shimmer and awaiting her companion. “C’mon, Tommy’s probably already sent out a search party.” Dina joked, giving Ellie her hand and helping her onto the mare. 

“Fuck, Joel’s going to kill me.” Ellie smirked, looking back at Dina and taking her hand. Ellie’s hand was freezing cold and Dina cringed. Frost patterns had grown on Ellie’s palms and Dina tried to rub them away. “We need to hurry, before the snow starts again.” Ellie’s heel pressed against Shimmer’s thigh, signaling the order to go faster. Her boots were fastened in the stirrups, and she grunted, making Shimmer accelerate her pace. 

“Okay.” Dina nodded, leaning into Ellie’s back and hiding her freezing face in Ellie. 

Winter had a certain quiet that Ellie could approach and greet like an old friend. A willow tree stood beside her and the long branches had been crystalized by ice, hanging down from the origin of the trunk and making them sway in the wind. Finally, the walls of Jackson slowly appeared and Ellie breathed, finally letting herself breathe in all of the adrenaline. “Oh, thank fuck… I think I’ll take a break from patrols for a little bit.” Ellie laughed, looking back at Dina and slipping off the saddle. She led them inside, opening the gate and basking in the certainty of safety again. 

Before she could even think, someone raced towards her, wrapping her in their arms and squeezing her tightly. “Thank Christ…” Joel breathed, kneeling and stroking her back gently, savoring the feeling of his daughter in his arms. “Where were you two?” Joel demanded gently, pulling her from his arms and meeting her eyes. 

Normally, she’d roll her eyes or tease him but honestly, she was just glad to be able to relax and breathe without having to worry about death, or Dina not being okay. “W-we got caught in the snow.” Dina chattered and Joel noticed the blue hue on both of their lips. Tommy went to Dina, taking her from the horse and Joel wrapped his arm around Ellie, rubbing her back and seeing her snow-white skin.   
“Where’s your coat?” Joel asked, bending in front of her and wiping the snow from her skin with his sleeve. He unzipped his jacket, placing it on her shoulders and zipping it up. It nearly went down to her knees, but it was warm and Ellie rubbed her arms, slowly feeling life return to her. Tommy began to lead Dina back to the ranch and Ellie met her gaze, wanting to go with her but Joel’s arms head her in place. Tommy had already begun to take Dina back but the girl’s sight lingered on Ellie. There was so much Ellie wanted to tell Dina… she wanted to tell her the truth, and she wanted more than anything to be able to kiss her, but she wasn’t ready… and she refused to do that to Jesse.

“Jesus, you’re ice… c’mon, let’s get you warmed up.” Joel stroked her back, bringing her back to him and looking down at her snow-coated body. “So… how’d patrol go?” Joel asked, taking her hand and looking down to her with a smirk. “Other than the snow.” He corrected himself and her face turned a rosy shade of pink. “C’mon, you make me tell you about Faye… fair’s fair.” Ellie frowned when she heard that name…  _ he loves her so much… and she wants to kill him. How could someone do that to him? How could she do that?  _ Ellie now felt more anger, but the layer of fear that coated her when she thought of the woman was still  _ extremely  _ apparent. 

Ellie sighed, looking down at the snow covering her hiking boots and keeping her hand tethered to Joel’s. “She tried to kiss me…” Ellie murmured, extreme guilt still living in her.  _ Doesn’t she care about Jesse…? I love her, but that isn’t right.  _ “But she’s still with Jesse… I dunno… I kinda miss it just being us sometimes.” Ellie admitted, thinking back to their trip to Salt Lake. In Autumn mostly, and the first weeks of Spring. They were so happy in Autumn, and then of course, everything went to shit. 

“Yeah, me, too.” Joel sighed, but he was glad he’d met Faye, and reconciled with Tommy. After Tommy left for the Fireflies, Joel was so angry. He just gave up trying to have anyone in his life, and then he met Tess. And then Ellie… and now Faye. “Y’know what? I think I got somethin’ you’ll like. Let’s go back and warm you up, then I’ll show you.” Ellie’s smile grew and she looked up to Joel, a curious expression hidden in her freckles. 

“Okay.” Ellie agreed, her short hair nestled underneath the scarf Joel had wrapped around her neck. He also stripped himself of his gloves, slipping them onto Ellie’s pink fingers and warming her up slightly. “Yeah, I, uh, think I need some warmer clothes.” Ellie smirked, seeing the broad patterns of snow on her hoodie and her jeans. Joel’s coat warmed her up and she nestled her limbs in it, feeling less cold in his clothing. 

“Yeah… they don’t make kids coats like adults… guess y’all didn’t need thick clothes to survive, though… back before everythin’, a bunch of people would go off during Winter and just hike.” Joel remembered how he’d tried to get Sarah to go once, but she had a similar reaction to Ellie’s. 

“What? Why? Who the fuck would want to go sleep in the snow?” Ellie cackled, trying to think of some linear reason to camp in the freezing and harsh climates. Joel chuckled, his hand still entwined with hers. The snow crunched underneath them and they slowly made their way back. Ellie’s lips were still colored blue, but the pigment had definitely retreated in some fashion, and the rosy, pink color was beginning to return. 

Snow still dotted through the sky, but the streets of Jackson were bare and salted, so it was easier to walk. “Well, they used to have technology… could buy food. Not like us. We’re survivors.” Joel smiled, brushing a freezing strand of hair behind her ear. Ellie’s grin grew and their eyes met in the winter wonder-land. She hadn’t had a nightmare for a week. It felt like she could actually get past Winter, maybe it was just a mirage or a trick, but she took it graciously. For one of the first times since after Christmas, she was in a good mood. 

“Yeah… endure and survive.” Ellie remembered the silly catchphrase. God, she hadn’t read a comic book in nearly a month. With Dina, and now watching over Joel because of Faye, she never found the time to just be a teenager. One activity she’d been priding herself on was learning guitar, and with Joel, it was like everything was normal. No apocalypse, no Infected, no hunters, no anything. Just the two of them, sat on their couch with nothing but a six-string and their divine affection for each other. It was a love no one else could understand. Just a father and daughter, with nothing wrong or morally incorrect about it. They needed each other, not only to survive, but to live… it was just that simple. “Oh, fucking heat!” Ellie giggled, racing inside and hopping over the couch, covering herself in the blankets. She tore off Joel’s jacket and her hoodie, leaving herself in a t-shirt. The quilt covered her bare arms and she smiled giddily in the sudden heat. 

Joel chuckled, seeing her adorable frame cuddled up in the blankets. She was buried and the only part of her body visible was her head and her arms. He thought she was so cute, and those paternal feelings had been hidden for so long. The ‘teddy-bear’ in him had been hidden and the fatherly part had died off. But with Ellie… it was brought back to life and he soon remembered how to love a daughter once again. Joel walked to her, leaning from behind the couch and messing her hair. Ellie smirked, not even caring this time. “Here… reckon you’d like some of that hot chocolate right about now?” 

“Yup!” Ellie smiled sheepishly, hearing Joel’s footsteps against the wooden flooring. Joel had traded for some rugs and by Ellie’s request, they were warm and made of furs. Joel had gotten a bear fur and Ellie had named it. Sometimes he’d find her sleeping beside the bear’s preserved head, which was attached to the carpet with its snout shut forever. She named it Boris, and once again, Joel felt her so cute and adorable. It felt weird, finding her so cute after both of them had done so many terrible things. 

He wanted to tell her so many things, but mainly:  _ I’m sorry.  _ He was sorry that they lived in a world where she had to carry a gun, and he was so sorry that she’d had to kill to save him, or because he couldn’t save her. “Alright, here we go.” Joel made his way back towards her, holding a warm mug of chocolate in his hands. She took it, murmuring a ‘thank you’ and quickly -nearly- downing the entire cup in one swig. “You really like this stuff… huh?” 

“It’s chocolate, of fucking course I like it.” She snarkily replied, sipping it once again and growing a chocolate mustache. Joel smiled, wiping it away with his sleeve and watching her place the mug beside the couch. Her energy had returned and she suddenly remembered his ‘surprise’ for her. “Okay, can we go now, can we go now?” Ellie asked excitedly and Joel chuckled, taking the mug and retreating back to the sink. The porcelain fell into the appliance with a _clink_ and when Joel turned around, he saw that Ellie had already freed herself from the warm chains, going upstairs to get warmer clothes. It was around three or four, and the sun was beginning to set. “Come onnnnn, Joel. I wanna see this surprise of yours.” She chattered excitedly, slipping her mittens on and wrapping his scarf around his neck.   
“Calm down, calm down.” Joel laughed, purposely slowing himself down as he dressed in his winter clothing, pulling snow-pants up atop his jeans and his sweater. “You’ll pull a muscle or something.” Ellie gave him a look, placing her hands on her hips and nudging him, making him move faster. “Alright, alright… jeez, how much caffeine did you have today?” Joel teased, slipping his boots onto his feet and slowly standing. “You got layers on?” 

“Yeah, yeah, old man.” Ellie hit him playfully, taking his gloved hand once again and letting him lead her outside. It slowly got colder as the sun got lower, but the light covering the sky still existed. Ellie trotted, nearly dragging him along. He smiled at her excitement, glad he was to, on some level, let Winter be more than PTSD and trauma for her… he was hopeful in some time, maybe she could even go through Winter without being plagued with hallucinations of David. Sometimes she just stood in one spot, staring at the snow and shivering violently… sometimes she screamed, sometimes she cried… sometimes she’d just stand there in a trance. But, it had decreased since the beginning of Winter. 

“Alright, wait, wait… we need somethin’.” Joel spoke softly, retreating into the garage and pulling an old-fashioned, wooden and long sled from behind the door. Ellie looked at it curiously, having no idea what it was. Thin rails were on the under-belly of each side and Joel smiled when he saw her utter confusion. “It’s a sled, you use it to… well, you’ll see.” Joel smirked, using his other hand and taking hers once again. 

Ellie’s sight lingered on the sled and she laughed, taking it from Joel’s arms, but he took it back due to its weight. “What is it?” Ellie asked, wanting to know what the surprise was. Joel shook his head, pulling his finger to his lips and zipping it closed. Ellie squinted her eyes at her father, placing her hands on her hips but still, they continued, passing the wall and venturing out into the snowy forest. The snowy trees were now calm, instead of sharp and wheezing like they had been when Ellie and Dina were out. “Y’know, I’m beginning to love and hate your surprises, Dad.” 

She’d normalized calling him ‘Dad,’ which neither of them minded. They  _ were  _ father and daughter, and Ellie liked calling it out, almost like reminding Joel of her fear of being left behind. “Alright, here we go.” Joel smiled, looking up towards a large, steep hill and looking down to Ellie. 

Ellie furrowed her eyebrows and met Joel’s eyes. “A hill? This is your surprise: a hill?” Joel chuckled, shaking his head and beginning to lead her up the steep slope. 

“Jus’ follow me…” His smile was apparent in his voice and Ellie squinted her eyes, but followed him. Slowly, they reached the top of the hill and Ellie looked down towards the bottom, swallowing. “Alright.” He nestled the sled just on the tip, and she sickly realized what the sled was for. 

“Oh, Joel, you’re joking.” The hill was literally at least a sixty foot -near plummet- and Ellie looked at the edge, hitching her breath. “Look how fucking steep that is!” She squeaked, meeting his eyes with a fearful expression and he smiled, brushing her freckles with his gloved hand. 

Angering her, he pushed his arms up and began clucking like a chicken. She squeezed her eyebrows together, reaching down and throwing a fistful of snow into his face. He only laughed louder, wiping the powder off of his skin and sitting on the sled, leaving room in front of him for Ellie. “Ya coming?” He asked, placing his hands on his hips mockingly and sticking his tongue out as she so often did. 

“I swear to God, I’m gonna kill you.” Ellie grumbled, sitting in front of him and keeping his hands tied to her. “D-don’t let me go.” She whispered, her eyes on the nearly plummeting hill. He smiled softly, wrapping his arms around her chest and pulling her into his lap. His hands wrapped around the rope on the front of the sled while he held her. “M-maybe this isn’t such a-” 

Before she could finish her sentence, Joel sent them down the hill and she screamed, pushing herself back into his arms and feeling a rush of terror push through her as they plummeted down the steep slant. But with the terror, a rush of wonder and happiness came and quickly, her scream turned into a smile. Joel kept her in his arms, smiling at her scream and just holding her closer. “ _ Joel _ !” She yelped, but a smile was apparent in her voice and his lips curled up. Joel prided himself on the fact that he -somehow- made the Winter enjoyable for her, at times. “ _ Ah! _ ” 

“ _ Hold on _ !” Joel laughed, the wind twirling through his hair and the dark strands snapping against his skin. Ellie’s ponytail billowed behind her and her grip on him suddenly loosened. Ellie raised her arms in the air like she was on a roller-coaster and she laughed, howling like a wolf and smiling wildly. Joel grinned, keeping his hands around her waist and holding her close. 

They slowly approached the end of the slope, but they were still speeding through the snow, and then, Joel saw it. A large, sloped rock was laid before them and Joel realized it’d act as a ramp and launch them through the air. His smile dropped, but Ellie was oblivious in glee. She howled once again, but it paused when Joel tried to stop them from the rock. He tried to roll the sled over but his attempt failed and before he could do anything, they met the rock and slid up the rock, and as he predicted, it acted as a ramp. 

Their bodies disconnected from the sled and both of them flew through the air. They were around five or six feet up and Ellie screamed, but this one was full of terror. Joel pulled her close again, hiding her in his arms and taking the force of the ground against them entirely. He grunted loudly and heard the clatter of the sled beside him. Ellie stayed in his arms, breathing heavily and finally coming to. “Joel.” She whispered, launching up and sitting on him, looking at his closed eyes. “Hey. Hey, Joel. Joel, c’mon.” She begged, not seeing his face move and she swallowed in terror, shaking him gently. Fear ran through her and the snowy air suddenly felt much colder.

Before she could say anything more, a small curl of Joel’s lips ran through her eyes. His eyes opened and he smiled, before chuckling heartily. “Oh, you asshole!” Ellie gasped, taking a handful of snow and forcing it in his face, growling. She launched off of his body and crossed her arms, playfully glaring down at his smile. “You scared the shit out of me!” Ellie grumbled, but she wasn’t really angry.  _ That wasn’t that bad.  _ Ellie thought, looking back to the hill and smiling when she pictured herself howling as she did.  _ That was stupid… but it was fun.  _

Joel’s laughing continued and he slowly sat up, brushing the snow off of him. “See, now was that that bad?” Joel smirked, his laughter still continuing. He wrapped and around her and they both sat in the snow. Joel didn’t see the perfect snowball she’d created in her hand. 

“Yeah…” Before she continued her sentence, she slammed the snowball into his face, making the powder go all over his face. Ellie launched up, hiding behind the same rock that they’d slid over. The scratches of the sled could still be traced on the rock. “That was fun, now that you mention it!” Ellie gibed, throwing another snowball and watching it sail into his body. 

He smiled, following her example and taking cover behind a nearby log, beginning to construct an arsenal of snow-weapons. “This ain’t gonna end well for you, kiddo!” He called, but the only response was a sudden ball of frost sailing through his hair.  _ Nice aim, baby girl…  _ He thought pridefully, making sure that the snow-balls he constructed weren’t icy and wouldn’t hurt her on impact. Finally he fired back, getting her just as she ran from her cover to tackle him. The snow broke across her jacket and she giggled, still pushing him to the ground and landing on top of him. 

“Oh, yeah?” Ellie asked, taking one last fistful of snow and pushing it into his beard. He laughed, taking some of the snow and wiping it onto her face, making her shiver, but in a good way. “Yeah, I guess that wasn’t that bad.” Ellie answered finally, laying down atop him and feeling his arms wrap around her. Joel smiled, looking up at the gray shade of sky that was painted across the atmosphere. 

“Hey, Ellie?” 

“Yeah?” She asked, looking up at him and keeping her head nestled in the groove of his neck. His beard scratched her forehead and she smiled, finding it comforting. Their snow-pants protected them from the cold and Ellie realized she’d rather just live in the snow like this, with Joel surrounding her. No heartbreak about Dina, no worries, no _hunters,_ no Infected, no David, no nightmares, nothing. Just the two of them and their love and affection for each other lingering in the air.   
“What’s a snowman with a six pack called?” Joel asked and Ellie’s lips curled up, despite their pale hue. She shrugged and he exhaled, kissing the top of their forehead. “An abdominal snowman.” It took a second for her to get it, but Ellie cackled when it finally rested in her head. Joel shut her eyes, relishing the sound of that adorable giggle that he’d come to love.

Ellie tried to think of another joke and her teeth were exposed in a grin when she did. “What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson.” Ellie remembered when Henry had gibed on about the motorcycle, and she also recalled Joel’s telling of Tommy and his road-trip with nothing but the clothes on their backs and their brotherly connection. 

Joel chuckled and looked down at the watch Ellie had gifted him on Christmas, then at Sarah’s above it. Both of his daughters… both of his fears: losing them. “I love you, Ellie.” He whispered in her ear, tightening his grip around her and she genuinely smiled, not thinking of David at all.

“Love you, too, Dad…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, guys: hope you enjoyed! requests are still opened for the next few chapters, but then they're closed in say, three or four chapters so that i can make a finale. as always, there should be an update in a few days. also, if you guys are a fan of troy, which you probably are considering he's joel, go watch this amazing movie he did on youtube called striking range. it's like the room but worse, trust me, it's amazing. i was teasing him for it earlier on zoom and it was super funny. also, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! got two feet of snow by me today. anyway, have a great day, update in a few, comments/kudos appreciated, requests open! <3


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson is under attack, Faye's grip on Ellie and Joel tightens; Ellie needs to tell someone before she breaks.

“This is so stupid… why doesn’t she just fucking, like, not fall on her ass?” Ellie asked, scrunching at the television and hearing the fake screams of one of the girls on screen. Her hair was blonde, but in an ugly, straw-like color. The girl’s outfit was disgustingly exposing and Ellie turned away, feeling like she was violating the girl just by looking at her.  _ Is this really what girls dressed like back then?  _ Ellie asked, looking down to her loose and full clothing. She suddenly felt self-conscious looking at her body and Ellie’s eyes averted back towards the screen. “She deserves to die if she’s this slow. Why is she wearing heels in the middle of a forest?” 

Joel chuckled, stroking her back while the sun slowly descended further and further behind the clouds. They’d just gotten back from their sledding expedition and both of them were understandably tired. The snowy pair of snow-pants and outside clothing was hung beside the dryer and a small puddle lived below it where the frost had melted off. “Don’t read into it too much, these movies ain’t supposed to make sense.” 

Ellie scoffed, shaking her head but keeping her hand around Joel. As cheesy as the movie was, the jumpscares were decent and they froze her occasionally. “Did people actually enjoy these? It’s so sappy.” Ellie snorted, raising her nose up and seeing Joel’s smirk from the corner of his vision.  _ Cute.  _ Joel thought, feeling strange afterwards. It wasn’t like him to be such a teddy-bear, and those fatherly feelings he’d abandoned so long ago strangely were revived. Not just fathering Ellie, but actually treating her like his biological daughter. As he’d done for Sarah. 

_ “This is so stupid.” Sarah whispered, leaning beside Joel on the couch. She was up too late and he tried to get her to go to bed, but she refused. He’d been struggling to sleep: things at work were bad, really bad. Tommy didn’t know if he’d be able to save Joel from unemployment. Their current work was failing and the project had been bought over by some other company… Joel was scared that he wouldn’t have a job soon and with Sarah needing school and food:  _ he was terrified. 

_ Joel smiled, rolling his eyes at the young daughter in his arms. Her messy blonde hair was thrown on his lap and a thin, wool blanket covered both of them. “Yeah, you don’t like this but you watch all that vampire crap?” He teased, seeing a small glare dawn on her face. She suddenly sat up, crossing her arms and pouting her lips.  _

_ “It’s werewolves, not vampires.” She grumbled, retreating back to her spot on his lap. “Y’know, maybe if you watched it more than once, you’d like it, Daddy.” He shook his head, rolling his eyes and bringing her back into his arms. Terrible screams came from the television and before the girl on the screen could do anything, a zombie began to bite into her flesh. “See, that’s so stupid. Zombies aren’t scary. Serial killers are scary, zombies aren’t realistic.” She ranted, her hand still connected to her father’s.  _

_ Sarah had Tommy’s eyes, but her hard-working, somewhat sweet personality was birthed from her mother, and Joel. Though, Sarah’s mother hadn’t exactly stayed around long to find that out, had she? It was up to Joel to raise her, and he had no intention of leaving his daughter as his wife had. “Yeah, yeah…” Joel huffed jokingly, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.  _

_ A prolonged yawn escaped her lips and Sarah smiled up at Joel, exposing her tire. “Get some sleep, baby girl…” He whispered, kissing the top of her head and seeing her suddenly fall to slumber under his touch. He smiled genuinely, brushing her short hair out. Sarah had ordered him to cut it: she recognized Joel’s work struggles and she tried to make it any easier for her.  _

_ Shopping with her friends, going to the movies, buying expensive treats for herself, she sacrificed it for her father. Sarah didn’t mind: she loved Joel and if she had to give up shockingly expensive shoes and seeing dumb movies with her friends in order to make Joel a little less stressed, she would do so willingly. “I love you, Sarah…” He murmured, kissing the top of her head and taking a deep sigh.  _

Suddenly pulling him out of his thoughts, a strange siren ran through the town. It was chillingly silent and Joel looked up, thinking at first that the noise was coming from the movie. “The hell…?” He leaned up, gently pulling Ellie from his arms and moving her beside him. 

“What is that?” Ellie asked, getting up with the blanket still wrapped around her small, thin body. She peeked out the windows but what scared her was there was no one on the streets. Usually, there’d be pedestrians, people strolling by and children prancing about in the snow. “Where’d everyone go?” Ellie asked, looking to Joel but he had no answer. 

A terrible feeling was brewing in his veins and he looked towards the lights above them. Joel flipped the switch, making the house dark. Ellie looked over, seeing the worry etched onto his face. “What is it?” Ellie asked, meeting his eyes in the silhouettes. She caught her flashlight after he tossed it to her. 

“I dunno, but it’s nothing good.” Joel answered, taking his revolver from his bag. Ellie’s eyes widened and she suddenly stayed closer to him, feeling her stomach churn. “It’s probably nothing.” Joel assured her, but the action of him taking his bag didn’t comfort her a bit. 

“If it’s nothing, why do you have your shotgun?” Ellie asked fearfully, meeting his eyes. He furrowed his eyebrows upward, taking her hand. But before he could even say anything, a gunshot suddenly ran through the town and the deafening alarm cut instantly. Ellie and Joel peeked from the corner of the windows in horror as a group of raiders danced under the streetlights, clearly drunken. They were dressed in drops of blood and Ellie swallowed, taking her pistol from her bag and slinging the pack over her shoulders. 

The raiders had configured a cart of bodies and they began moving through each house, slowly killing.  _ Where’s Tommy?  _ Ellie asked, fear pounding in her heart. They’d cleared nearly three houses by the time that they finally began to move to Ellie and Joel’s. “Joel, Joel, what do we do?” Ellie asked, her voice in a throaty tone and full of fear. Joel looked to her, taking her hand and dragging her up the steps, taking them into their room. “Joel-” 

“Sh, sh… c’mon, under. Under the bed.” Joel ordered, seeing they were a group of five. As prideful as he was in Ellie’s skill and his own, there were three more of them and the odds didn’t fit towards the duo. “Quiet, baby girl.” He gently whispered, placing his fingers to his lips and nestling her under the bed. Ellie had a look of pure terror constricted in her expressions and Joel cringed, moving under the furniture beside her. “We’ll be okay.” His voice was barely audible but it gave her a tiny spark of hope. 

Suddenly, the sound of the door barreling open came from downstairs. Ellie winced and she moved into Joel’s arms under the bed, letting him envelop her and try to make her feel a little safer even if it was impossible.  _ Those people… they killed half a dozen people… what if we’re next?  _ Ellie asked herself, shakily holding her pistol in her hand and looking at the already cocked gun.  _ We got this… Joel will keep me safe, and I’ll do the same for him.  _

She begged that Tommy and Maria were alright, and the terror that was in her small body only tripled when she thought of Dina and Jesse.  _ Jesse doesn’t even know how to use a gun. Dina barely can. Neither of them are fighters, Jesse’s parents work at the green-houses… it’s just hope that they’re still okay.  _ Ellie gulped, hearing footsteps begin to travel through the house. “Search the second floor.” A muffled voice ordered coldly and Ellie heard Joel’s breath shudder. 

He kept her hidden in his arms, almost to block her body from a bullet if it came down to that.  _ This isn’t happening again.  _ Joel thought angrily, tightening his grip around Ellie and pulling her closer into him when he saw a pair of footsteps pass under the door’s gap. He heard the door to Ellie’s room open and he swallowed, realizing with a terror that if they’d simply gone to sleep as usual after returning from the sledding trip, they both might’ve been dead in their sleep. 

Ellie’s hand was clasped over her mouth while the other held her pistol to the floor. Joel’s revolver was in his palm as well, but the grip was much more steady and he was  _ angry  _ instead of scared. They’d come into  _ their  _ home, attacked the town that his daughter lived in… and now, they were threatening her  _ life.  _ Part of him wanted to race up and kill all of them, but he didn’t plan on leaving Ellie. “You check in there… I’ll see if they found anything.” Another man’s voice spoke and soon enough, the door to their room was opened. 

Even the raider’s boots had blood spotted on it and Ellie’s eyebrows furrowed together, thinking that maybe some of that blood could have been Dina’s, or Jesse’s. Jesse lived on the same street as them…  _ what if his house was hit already?  _ Ellie hypothesized, squeezing her nails into her fists anxiously. She felt Joel take them into his hands, easily fitting her palms in his and breaking her nails from her skin. He was trying to comfort her, but with the man literally in the room with them, it wasn’t doing much. 

It was dead silent and the only sound was creaking of the floorboards under the raider’s weight. “Come out, fuckers.” He hissed and Joel’s eyes glared at the hiking boots, wanting so desperately to pull the trigger and end the bastard’s life.  _ Stay calm, Ellie. Stay quiet.  _ She ordered herself, squeezing Joel’s hand so tightly it tired her.  _ Stay calm.  _

With each second the man stayed in the room, Ellie’s breathing slowly grew less muffled and more panicked. The man slowly made his way to the collage of photos on Joel’s bureau.  _ Disgusting.  _ Joel thought, seeing the man pick up a photo of Ellie that rested beside him. She didn’t like having her picture taken, but since Joel had somehow allowed the same, she tried to smile and let Joel have a decent photograph of her. He teased her about it sometimes and surprisingly, his teasing made her feel better. “Hey, in here.” The man whispered to a second who’d come into the room. “Mike said to kill the men, bind the girls.” 

Ellie’s breathing suddenly stopped and she went chillingly still. Her eyes widened and tears were suddenly shining in them. Joel’s eyebrows furrowed together and he felt a fury roar in him in such great length he shook.  _ It’s okay, baby girl.  _ He spoke through his eyes, meeting hers and shaking his head. _ I’m not going to let that happen.  _ He kissed the top of her head, caressing her cheek and then hiding her in his arms once again.  _ I love you.  _ He said, stroking her back and trying to keep her from making a sound. “Find her. Kill the dinosaur.” 

_ Stop, just stop talking.  _ Ellie glared at the legs of the raiders, her grip against her pistol tightening until her knuckles were shaded white. “Come out, come out, little girl!” One of them sang, retreating back into the corridor and leaving only one of the men in the room. Ellie had left her bag by the door.  _ Stupid. Stupid, dumbass.  _ She ridiculed herself, feeling pain as the man dug through the backpack. 

He poured all of the contents out, taking the ammunition and seeing the items she had in her bag. Ellie had placed Sam’s toy in her room with a flower, almost like another grave even if his body laid outside the walls of Jackson, by the dam. Her knife was in the bag and the man pocketed it. Ellie’s skin paled as she saw the man touch her prized possession and it suddenly felt like the sacredness of it had been tarnished. And then, he saw her mother’s letter and the only photo of the two of them Ellie possessed.  _ No.  _

_ Don’t do this.  _ Ellie pleaded, wanting to shoot the man as he took the photo in his hands with the letter shaking beside it.  _ No.  _ When she heard the sound of the paper and the photo being ripped to shreds, Ellie hid herself in Joel’s arms, her death-grip on his hand suddenly being so tight it hurt.  _ No, no, no, no, no.  _ Ellie mourned the letter, wanting to take it in her hands and place it back together.  _ I can fix it. I can fix this. I can fix it.  _

The photo fell to the wooden floors and Anna’s eyes stared back at the small girl. Ellie’s infant body had been physically ripped from the photo and her stomach churned. “Goddamnit. The house is clear!” One of the raiders snarled, pacing back and forth and slamming his foot into the wall. Joel squeezed his eyes shut at the loud sound but Ellie was desensitized and deathly still. “Keep your eyes out, I want her!” He roared angrily, storming down the steps and ordering the others to leave. At that sentence, Joel’s anger spiked and his finger on his trigger twitched, but…  _ they’re leaving. We’re alright… keep your head, Joel.  _ He told himself, placing the revolver beside him and taking his finger from the trigger. 

_ Finally,  _ the door to the house slammed shut and Joel finally let out a shaky exhale. “We’re alright.” Joel breathed, rubbing her back and looking into her eyes, but seeing that her expression was dead. Ellie crawled out from under the bed, kneeling in front of the destroyed photo and letter. 

Her breath hitched and she took the photo in her hands, trying to place the two halves -one containing Anna and the other Ellie- together but they just wouldn’t fit. It couldn’t be fixed.  _ No.  _ Ellie mourned the picture and she carefully placed it on her lap, moving to the letter. It was torn into a dozen pieces and her hand returned to its place, clasped over her lips. “No…” Her voice was barely audible and a tear rolled down her cheek as she looked at her mother’s last words torn into indescribable scraps of paper. 

“Ellie…” He whispered, pushing himself out from under the bed and slowly making his way back towards her. “It’s okay… we can put it back together.” He assured her, moving the rips out into pieces and trying to push the puzzle pieces together. But instead of staying anything she just stared down at the photo, a single tear dropping onto the old paper. 

“No, we can’t…” She croaked, holding both of the pieces of paper in her chest and holding them close to her.  _ They ripped it… I’m going to kill all of those fuckers.  _ Ellie bared her teeth, holding the photo close and gently scooping all of the pieces of the letter together and placing it on her bureau. Joel watched her carefully, seeing that she handled the pieces of paper as if it was an infant. She treated it like her mother’s legacy, and it had been broken into half a dozen pieces. 

“Oh, baby girl.” He whispered but she didn’t move, she just took her gun and cocked it. Before he could even say anything more, another gunshot ran off from outside the house. “Shit.” He cursed, crouching and treading down the steps slowly. Ellie followed closely behind, wiping her tears and trying to focus.  _ Maybe… maybe I can glue it back together… okay… focus, Ellie. Dina and Jesse might need you, Tommy needs you, Joel needs you. Just focus.  _

Slowly, her tears were gone and her face hardened. However, this time she didn’t push it down. She knew there was a small chance that the paper could be fixed and she relied on that fact, using it to actually heal.  _ It’s working.  _ She thought, not feeling the usual weight that dawned on her whenever she pushed her grief down. And because of that, an actual smile fell on her lips, but was quickly ripped from her when another gunshot ran through the air. “ _ No. _ ” Ellie gasped, sprinting towards the window and seeing Jesse’s figure slowly being led out of the house. Her throat closed around her and she watched as one of the raiders nearly dragged him out. 

His face was wet with tears and a small dot of blood was on his cheek.  _ Pricks.  _ Ellie’s eyebrows knitted together and her hands curled into fists. “Joel, we need to do something, they’re going to kill him.” She begged and he nodded, whispering comfort to her. ‘ _ Kill the men, bind the girls.’  _ Ellie remembered and the pistol in her hands shook. 

“I know, we will, baby girl.” He promised, keeping his crouch and retreating towards the back door. “Stay here.” He ordered but she shook her head, looking up at him angrily and being offended he’d even consider going himself. “Ellie-” 

“Joel, I’m coming with you.” Ellie said in a definitive voice, shaking her head and pushing through the back door, keeping silent. Joel sighed, looking down but quickly following her. Unfortunately, there was still snow littering the ground, so it was difficult to stay silent with the snow crunching under their weight. Ellie went into a prone figure, crawling on the snow and slightly quieting their path. “What’s our game plan?” Ellie asked him, hiding behind a bundle of picketed fence and using it as cover. 

He sighed, scratching his beard and seeing two figures hold Jesse by his collar. Ellie’s breath hitched and she cocked her gun, wanting to stop Jesse’s fear. “P-please, I don’t know what you want.” Jesse cried in their grip, turning his face away from them and feeling childish. However, when he turned around, he saw a shadow looking back at him. His crying stopped and he realized that the figure was Ellie. She looked terrified and his eyes widened. Ellie placed her finger on her lips, shaking her head. He switched his eyes up and down, nodding and looking back to the raider’s terrifying grip. 

“Boss! Got another one here!” Another raider announced, holding none other than Dina in his arms. An indescribable pit suddenly plummeted in Ellie’s stomach and she stopped moving, her face dying. “Feisty little bitch, aren’t you?” Dina screamed in fury, fighting against the man’s grip on her coat and pulling from his grip, but to no avail. 

“Don’t touch her!” Jesse roared, trying to run to Dina but being held back by one of the raiders easily. Jesse was pushed to the ground, another small cut appearing on his cheek. Dina screeched, trying to fight to get to him and surprisingly, the men let her run to him. Dina sprinted over, holding Jesse in her arms and hugging him tightly. Dina looked up to men, a look of pure hatred on her face. 

“Joel, please, they’ll kill them.” Ellie begged, looking into Joel’s eyes and pleading with him to allow her to go, but he shook his head, knowing that if she were to charge, they could easily shoot Ellie or kill either of her friends in an act to defend themselves. And while she was looking in Joel’s eyes, she suddenly heard a slap and saw Dina rubbing her cheek. Dina barked curses at the men while Jesse tried to stand beside her, wanting to fight the men. The boy blocked Dina with his arms, trying to take any violence on himself instead of her. Whatever resistance that had been in Ellie suddenly broke and without thinking, Ellie aimed and fired. 

The man who had struck Dina fell to the ground quickly, his neck coated in blood. Joel’s eyes widened and he sighed, knowing if he was in the same place he’d probably do the same thing.  _ Faye… where is she? Is she okay…? Yeah, she’s gon’ be fine. She can handle herself. Just keep Ellie safe right now.  _ Joel spoke to himself, aiming his revolver and taking out another one of the raiders. Two others that had been in separate houses sprinted out, but Ellie took out both of them coldly, recognizing one of them as the same man who’d said it:  _ ‘Keep your eyes out, I want her!’  _ Ellie glared at the corpse, taking a second before sprinting towards Jesse and Dina, wrapping her arms around both of them. “Are you two okay?” Ellie croaked, pulling away and looking Dina in her eyes, then Jesse. 

Jesse had a small cut on his right cheek and Dina had the red imprint of a hand on hers. Ellie took Dina in her arms, squeezing her tightly. “Y-yeah, we’re okay… where’s Tommy, did you two find him? I was with him when they found us, he told me to run.” Dina shivered, looking back at Ellie and then seeing Joel’s figure approach from the shadows. She ducked her head in gratitude and he nodded, walking towards the cart of bodies and checking if there were any survivors.  _ Faye isn’t here… that’s a good sign, I should take that as a good sign.  _ He thought, swallowing and looking towards Tommy’s house.  _ Tommy’ll be fine, he can handle himself well.  _

“No, but he’s okay. He has to be okay.” Joel warmly noticed how highly Ellie spoke of Tommy. He was glad that she looked up to him as an uncle, just as Sarah did, except their connection was biologically binded, and of course had more time to blossom. But Joel prayed he wouldn’t have to worry about time with Ellie… she’d be fine, and she’d survive… “Jesse?” 

“Yeah… yeah, I’m fine. I don’t know where they took my parents, they separated us.” Jesse croaked, looking at his two friends. Joel sighed, seeing no survivors on the cart and cringing. _Animals._ He thought, remembering their threat to Ellie. _‘I want her… come out, come out, little girl!’ Bastards._ Joel thought with venom, making his way back to Ellie.   
“There’s gotta be more of ‘em, keep your voices down.” Joel whispered, looking to Ellie and then back towards their house. “You three wait in there, I’ll go find Tommy and your folks.” Ellie glared at him, standing and meeting his eyes, but her height didn’t actually meet his face. She really leveled to just above his armpits, but her anger came across. 

“Joel, when are you going to stop treating me like I’m a kid?” Ellie demanded, placing her hands on her hips and glaring at him. He met her eyes, sighing and returning her gaze with a sad one.  _ You should be allowed to be a kid. I shouldn’t have to make you kill. We shouldn’t have to carry guns like it's nothing… I’m sorry.  _

She awaited his answer, shaking her head at his silence. “C’mon, he’s right. You two are useless in a fight, you should stay where it’s safe.” Before Dina or Jesse could even argue, Ellie dragged them towards Joel’s and her house, clearly upset. Jesse and Dina shared a look with each other, raising their eyebrows and taking each other’s hands. It all happened so quickly… never had the  _ town  _ of Jackson been stampeded by raiders. Sure, there were attacks at the dam and the patrol huts, but never on the town. When Dina turned around, she noticed that many of the items from the shops visible in the distance had been ransacked. “Stay here.” 

Dina reached for Ellie’s hand and the smaller girl reluctantly took it. “But, what if something happens to you?” Dina asked and Ellie shook her head, giving her a small smile. 

“I’ll be fine.” Part of Ellie didn’t sound too sure. But, with that, she turned around, retreating towards Joel and seeing his apologetic expression. Ellie sighed, placing her hands on her hips. A silence passed between them for a few seconds and Ellie swallowed, looking down at the paved streets then back up to Joel. “You need to stop treating me like a baby.” She murmured, crossing her arms with a snarky expression.

He sighed, nodding his head and seeing that over-protection and demeaning treatment were too entirely different things. “Okay… I just…” He sighed, looking down and chewing the inside of his mouth. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.” He whispered, ashamed of his immense fear that in the end, he would not be able to protect her, and he would have to live with his failure. 

“I can take care of myself…” Ellie looked straight into his eyes, looking up due to her shortness. Before he could say anything more, another gunshot rang through the air in the distance. “That’s gotta be Tommy.” Ellie breathed, trotting ahead in the snow. Joel sighed at her non-existent caution and followed close behind her, the frost crunching under his metal-tipped boots. She wore her converse and they had been dotted with blood on the tips. He hated that they had to live in a world where she had to constantly have some sort of blood on her, whether it be physical or mental. “Someone’s there.” Ellie pointed, but when she saw who it was, her fear only increased. 

Faye was standing over a bludgeoned body and after knowing the truth about her past, Ellie shuddered. Joel rushed over, taking the woman in a hug. “Thank God, are you okay?” 

Faye nodded, looking down to the body, then to Ellie. Her vision hardened when she saw Ellie and everything Ellie had been trying to avoid for the past two days resurfaced. It was like they were having a conversation with their eyes: ‘ _ what do you want?’ ‘To hurt you.’ ‘Why?’ ‘You’ll see.’  _ Faye broke her vision away, making sure her arm was covered this time.  _ I’ll make her pay… I just need to wait.  _ Faye thought spitefully, looking at Joel and masking her true self with a relieved face.  _ I’ll make him suffer. I’ll do what he did to me.  _ “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Where’s Tommy?” 

Abruptly ending her question, a bell rang through the town and Faye exhaled. “It means victory. There’s none left… feel bad for the guy who has to clean all this up.” Faye spoke, looking at the body beside her and then the cart of bodies that Ellie and Joel had been at moments ago. “C’mon, we should go meet up with Tommy.” When Faye clearly didn’t intend on including Ellie in those plans, the younger girl took Joel’s hand, looking up to him. 

_ I have to keep her away from him. I don’t want Joel to get hurt.  _ Ellie thought, meeting her father’s eyes and trying to seem as fearful and sad as possible to convince him not to go with Faye. “W-wait, Joel, I… I think I need to eat. I’m tired.” Ellie lied, pulling Joel’s arm and raising her voice to make herself sound more vulnerable. “Can you walk me back?” She asked, pretending to stumble on her feet and just trying to get Joel away from Faye. 

The older woman didn’t seem to be too happy with Ellie and she was staring down Ellie like the tiny girl had just murdered her entire family. Joel nodded, taking her hand and looking back to Faye. “I’ll be right back, lemme just get her to bed.” Faye faked a sickly sweet smile and nodded, gesturing towards the house and beckoning them away.  _ Little shit.  _ Faye thought, pressing her nails into her palms and watching Joel begin to walk away with Ellie’s hand clutching to his. Ellie turned around and looked at Faye, meeting the woman’s eyes.  _ You’re going to pay, you little bitch. _ Faye glared and Ellie turned around, a cold settling on her skin.  _ At least she hasn’t told him yet.  _ Even though Ellie was faking it, she genuinely  _ was  _ hungry. The only thing she had eaten all day was the sandwich on patrol with Dina and her stomach growled. 

Joel noticed that some level of life had returned to Jackson and he saw a cluster of people at the same building the dance had taken place.  _ Tommy must’ve gotten the town together, to try ‘n calm everyone down. We’re lucky we got out.  _ Joel thought, looking down to her shirley hair and brushing it slightly. “I’m tired.” Ellie yawned and Ellie realized the door to their house was open.  _ Jesse and Dina must’ve gone looking for his parents. At least they’re safe. That’s all that matters.  _

“Yeah, reckon you would be.” Ellie sighed, remembering the ripped letter and photo that rested on Joel’s and her bed. “Hey… we can fix that letter up tomorrow, alright? It’ll be like a puzzle and we can just glue it back together.” Joel whispered, nudging her shoulder and trying to cheer her up. She smiled slightly, but it was like the purity and the love that the letter held had been shattered by that raider’s disgusting touch. 

Ellie sighed, wrapping her fingers around Joel’s and looking down at her bloody sneakers and the droplets on her hoodie. “Yeah, okay…” Ellie nodded, shutting her eyes when they began to shimmer again at the thought of the shredded photograph. They entered the house and Ellie noticed a few things were missing, but it wasn’t anything that was worth much. A blanket, a few bags of food and some money, but nothing much. 

Joel released Ellie’s hand and he made his way towards a sandwich that was held in the fridge. He unwrapped it, splitting it and giving a quarter to himself, while the rest went to Ellie. She devoured it almost instantly and Joel chuckled. “Did you even taste that?” He teased and her lips curled upwards for a second, making him relieved that she was still okay even after her mother’s last gift being destroyed, nearly beyond repair. 

Answering Joel’s question, she let out a monstrous yawn and he laughed, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Here, c’mere.” Ellie felt herself being scooped up into his arms and she smiled, feeling safer after the brush with Faye. It was scary, seeing her so suddenly after still relapsing from the truth.  _ I can’t believe she’s a firefly, or… was, I guess.  _ “Alright…” He exhaled, moving onto the bed and lowering her onto the bed. He covered her in the blankets due to the last legs of Winter still drifting through the air. 

Ellie looked to the foot of the bed, frowning at the shredded letter and photo. “Are you gonna go out again?” Joel asked, making her pitch last higher… she sounded scared, and Joel slowly untied her shoes, placing the sneakers beside the bed. He slowly did the same for himself and laid next to her, shrouding his jacket underneath her and letting her curl into it. 

“No… I’m gon’ stay right here… always.” He swore and Ellie smiled, pushing her head into the crook of his neck.  _ I need to make it up to Faye… I’ve been blowin’ her off.  _ “Try and get some sleep, baby girl.” He softly whispered in her ear and she nodded, shutting her eyes and quickly beginning to slumber in his arms. 

Joel breathed, beyond thankful both of them had made it through the night.  _ ‘Find her. Kill the dinosaur… save her for me.’ I’m not letting anything happen to you, Ellie. You’re going to be fine. Nothing’s happening to you… nothing’s happening to you.  _ He didn’t know if he was trying to comfort her or himself and another scene of him and Sarah flashed through his brain. 

_ “Look, he’s looking at me.” Sarah smiled, brushing the horse's mane as Joel held the reins. It was her birthday soon, and Joel had called in a favor. He’d taken her horse-back riding, and they were on one of the hiking trails. “What’s his name again?”  _

_Joel tried to remember what the woman had told him, it was something dumb, he remembered that. “Think it was… Red, I think?” Joel asked the air and he tucked Sarah’s scarf in. It was December, and she had a small hat on her blonde hair. “Hey… wanna make some hot cocoa when we get home? Decorate the tree?” Sarah smiled sheepishly at him, nodding vigorously and remembering the aberrantly large tree that Joel had gotten. He had to cut off part of the bottom since it was taller than the ceiling. Joel had gone out and chopped down his own tree, since he was trying to save money._ _  
__His job was unsteady and he needed to have a pool to rely on… stress was shown in his eyes. But when he was with Sarah, he hid it. He didn’t want her to worry, he wanted her to have a normal life. She never complained, not even once… he loved her_ so _much. She was so perfect. Joel never wanted to be a father, or… at least so early. He was only in his late twenties, but he’d found his purpose in life. He didn’t need anything else, just Sarah. “Yeah… Emma got me a Triple Phoenix ornament… it’s totally bloody.” Joel chuckled, holding her closer on the horse’s back._

 _Sarah’s fingers brushed through the horse’s -Red’s- mane and she planted a little daisy right beside the horse’s ear. “Alright… reckon we can get it all decorated by tomorrow.” Joel nodded, holding her hands and letting her control the reins along with him. She smiled, looking up at him and then down at the horse’s mane._ _  
__“I love you, Daddy.”_ Joel shook awake, realizing that he had fallen asleep. He checked beside him and sure enough, Ellie was right there, relaxed breaths surfacing from her small body. He sighed, brushing his messed hair back and slowly standing. Sarah’s birthday was coming up and with each day, more and more memories began to come back. He hid it: he didn’t want Ellie to worry. 

A knock on the door downstairs sounded and Joel looked to Ellie’s slumbering, snuggled body before descending down the steps, keeping himself quiet. Ellie needed any second of sleep she could steal away from the last month of Winter. Joel realized it was a new year… he stopped counting after Sarah. What was it…?  _ 2034? 2035? I can’t remember anymore.  _ Joel’s hand wrapped around the doorknob and he saw Faye’s face looking down at the ground. “G’morning.” 

“Morning… um, Tommy’s collecting some people, clean up crew after last night… thought you and me could go?” She asked, faking a smile and sending her piercing gray eyes into Joel’s. Joel looked back up towards the steps, knowing it wasn’t smart to leave Ellie alone. He asked for a second and Faye nodded, waiting by the door. He went into the kitchen, writing on a scrap of paper and pushing it to the fridge door.  _ Out with Faye for a bit, heat up some bacon in the fridge. I’ll be back soon, kiddo.  _

“Alright, reckon I can fit it in my schedule, yeah.” Faye smiled, taking his hand and leading him out of the house, leaving Ellie behind upstairs. He didn’t like leaving her alone, but he thought she was feeling well enough to be alone for only an hour or two. Besides, maybe she wouldn’t even wake up before he got back. And so, the ‘couple’ walked off towards the town hall.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Ellie slowly awoke and she smiled, because she didn’t have a nightmare. For the past few nights, she hadn’t had a single nightmare. It felt like she was actually healing and like she’d almost gotten over what David had done a little over a year ago. Dina and Jesse helped, a lot. Jesse always asked Ellie if she was okay and he always invited her to hang out with Dina him. He didn’t want her feeling left out, and he didn’t want to leave her to her thoughts. 

A yawn escaped her mouth and she covered her lips. When she turned her head, she saw the ripped letter and her smile broke for a second.  _ Like Joel said, we can fix it… glue it, or tape it or something. Besides… I showed that fucker.  _ Ellie thought, seeing the knife she’d taken back from the man, her mother’s knife.  _ He shouldn’t have touched that fucking letter, or my photo.  _ She turned her head away, looking at the spot in the bed beside her and freezing. “Joel?” Ellie called through the house, gently taking the blankets off of her. “Joel?” She called again, keeping a somewhat level head and trying to take deep breaths.  _ He probably just went out to trade, or to Tommy’s… but without telling me?  _

She made her way downstairs and saw Joel’s bag was still there.  _ Okay… he would’ve taken his bag if he left… and he wouldn’t leave. Right?  _ Ellie thought, peeking around the wall of the kitchen and seeing nothing. “Huh?” Ellie asked, seeing a note on the fridge. She took it from the metal, reading it:  _ ‘Out with Faye for a bit, heat up some bacon in the fridge. I’ll be back soon, kiddo.’  _ Ellie’s eyes widened and her heart sank immediately. She took her bag, slinging it over her shoulders and tearing the door open, running to Tommy’s house.  _ No, no… I fell asleep, I’m such an idiot, I fell asleep. How could I fall asleep, how could I not be more careful?  _

Fear tore through Ellie as she sprinted towards Tommy’s, praying Joel and Faye had gone there. She prayed they weren’t on patrol, or somewhere completely alone.  _ Is she going to hurt him? What’s she going to do? What does she want with him, or me?  _ Ellie ridiculed herself for letting Joel out of her sight.  _ Maybe I should’ve told him. It’s better than him dying, or her hurting him.  _ Ellie was scared, she was scared she wouldn’t be able to protect Joel and she wouldn’t be able to protect herself without Joel’s help.  _ What if she hurts me…? It’s better than her hurting him, I guess.  _

Finally, Ellie made it to Tommy’s, her breathing quick. It was around ten or eleven, so he was up. As per usual, Maria was out at the nursery. She loved kids so much, sometimes Ellie wondered if she’d ever had some of her own. Ellie liked Maria, she was the only female figure that Ellie could look up to. Marlene had been expunged from the place, for obvious reasons, and Ellie never even knew her mother. “C’mon, c’mon.” Ellie groaned, knocking on the door again until finally, Tommy opened it. “Tommy, is Joel here?” 

“Ellie? No, he ain’t here. Thought he was with you.” Tommy rubbed his sleepy face and Ellie saw he was in jeans with a large t-shirt over it. Ellie’s breathing was quick and she cursed under her breath, looking back towards their house and wondering if she checked again, would he be there now? “Hey, what is it?” Tommy asked, looking into Ellie’s eyes and placing his arm on her shoulder. “Is somethin’ wrong?” Tommy asked and Ellie sighed, knowing she should come clean to someone. 

_ But what if he tells Joel…? Will that make it better or worse? What if he goes after Faye, what if that just makes her angrier? “You can talk to me.”  _ Tommy spoke, nudging Ellie and giving her a weak smile. Ellie sighed, taking Tommy’s hand and leading him inside before shutting the door. Ellie sat on the couch, wrapping her hands around each other and looking up to Tommy, who was giving her a strange look. 

“What do you know about Faye? The guard, with Joel?” Ellie asked, wondering how long Faye had been there, in Jackson. Tommy pushed his lips to one side of his face, thinking back. Now that he thought about it, Faye came only a few days before Ellie and Joel. Her appearance had always been off to him, and it was strange, the way she acted.

“Uh, not much. She came… eh, around the same time you two did.” Tommy answered, confirming Ellie’s suspicions.  _ So she was from the Salt Lake division… she knows exactly what Joel did, and exactly what I am. What does she want with me?  _ Ellie asked herself and when Tommy said that one sentence, her skin paled. “Hey, Ellie…? What’s wrong? Why are you askin’ about her?” Tommy, after knowing Ellie for now almost a year, could see Ellie’s distress. Ellie looked into Tommy’s eyes and swallowed. 

_ I need to tell someone, before she does something.  _ “She… Faye, she…” Ellie shut her eyes, swallowing and taking a deep breath. “She’s a firefly. She was in Salt Lake.” Ellie whispered, hearing Tommy’s breath hitch. He suddenly stood, turning around and running his hand through his hair. “She had a tattoo, on her wrist… with the symbol.” Ellie explained, holding her knees to her chest and awaiting Tommy’s response. 

It felt better now that she wasn’t the only one who knew. She’d grown enough affection for Tommy that she was able to trust him and rely on him when Joel wasn’t available. “Did… has she tried to hurt you?” Tommy asked, taking Ellie’s hand and sitting beside her on the couch. Ellie shook her head, but she remembered Faye’s look when she had first found out. The woman looked as if she was going to murder Ellie right there. Ellie was fearful, but almost grateful, in a way that Faye seemed to be more angry towards Ellie than Joel, and seemed more determined to hurt her… Ellie was grateful for that. “Shit…” 

“What’re you going to do?” Ellie asked, looking into Tommy’s eyes and slowing her breathing for a second. She saw the question on Tommy’s lips and she shook her head, sighing. “No, I… I couldn’t tell Joel. He loves her.” Ellie shook her head and Tommy raised an eyebrow, looking at her. “What…?” 

“Ellie… she’s dangerous… she could try to take you, or hurt either of you. Joel loves you more… and if she’s dangerous, he’d want you to tell him.” Tommy said to her, looking directly into her eyes and meeting her pupils with his. She pouted, tears shining in her eyes but she told them to ‘fuck off.’ “Besides… he needs to know… not just to protect you-” 

Ellie pouted, crossing her arms and looking up at Tommy, sassily. “I can take care of myself, and I can protect Joel. He doesn’t need to know, it’ll just hurt him.” She grumbled, looking away from Tommy and resting her arms on the caps of her knees. 

Tommy shook his head, bending down in front of the couch and looking up at Ellie. She tilted her head, raising her eyebrow at him and giving him a sassy expression. Telling Tommy took a weight that she’d been holding for a few days off of her chest, but she still wanted to protect Joel as much as she could, even if it was from the truth. “Ellie… he’ll find out eventually. Let it be before something happens.” Tommy told her, knowing what Joel had done in Salt Lake. It was safe to say the woman was dangerous, especially with Joel’s connection to her after meeting her in Jackson. “If you can’t tell him… I will. He deserves to know.”   
Ellie sighed, nodding and knowing Tommy’s words held the truth. Joel was going to eventually find out, but… he looked like a kid on Christmas when he was with her. Ellie’s eyebrows furrowed together in anger as she thought of the emotional pain that Faye was going to gift her father. “Yeah, I know… I’ll tell him eventually, I will.” Ellie nodded, taking a deep breath and clenching her fists together. “What do you think she wants?” 

Tommy looked to Ellie and his gaze was enough of an answer:  _ you.  _ “You don’t have to worry about that… I’ll keep you safe, and Joel… and I think we both know you can handle yourself mighty well.” Ellie smiled, letting a small giggle escape her lips. She nodded, remembering the attack the previous night. Joel protected her, he had used his body to block hers…  _ it’s my turn… I’ll keep us safe this time, Dad.  _ “Okay?” 

“Yeah… okay.” Ellie whispered, feeling Tommy awkwardly hug her. Ellie wrapped her arm around him as well, embracing him. Their relationship had grown in Ellie’s near year in Jackson, and she didn’t mind it. If it was right after Winter, she would’ve been reluctant to go near any man that wasn’t Joel, and she still -very much so- had that fear, but Tommy earned her comfort and her respect. “Thanks…” Ellie murmured, slowly taking herself from Tommy’s arms and looking into his dark, ember-shaded eyes. 

Tommy dipped his head in acknowledgement, watching as she slowly got up, inhaling deeply. “I should go look for him…” She spoke softly, taking her bag and pushing it over her shoulders once again. She felt better, at least. Ellie was trying that thing, healing… ‘ _ After Sarah… I locked myself up, and it was bad… I don’t want that for you.’  _ And it was actually  _ working.  _ It felt strange. 

“Ellie. Something happens… she tries to talk to you: you  _ come to me.”  _ He ordered gently, looking in her eyes with a serious and worried expression. Ellie saw his concern and her posture straightened. Ellie nodded, fixing her jacket under the weight of her backpack. The last legs of Winter were reflecting through Jackson. The snow had begun to melt and with it, the weight on Ellie’s consciousness slowly went with it. But still, it was only the beginning of February, there was almost another month of Winter. But as the weather got warmer, Ellie felt a little less swarmed. 

But Faye’s being a firefly had effectively done the opposite. “Okay.” Ellie nodded, looking at Joel with a weak smile before closing the door and starting towards the ranch.  _ I should look for him. That’s what I should be doing right now.  _ Ellie told herself but frankly, she didn’t know where to start. 

_ The town, maybe?  _ Ellie thought and so, she began travelling through the town, her breathing slightly quick. Shop by shop, he wasn’t there: he was nowhere.  _ What if she killed him, what if I let him die? No.  _ Ellie thought, running through the town and ducking in and out of the shops, desperate to find him.  _ What if she wants to hurt him?  _ Ellie asked, but before she could finish her thought, she was knocked to the ground by a figure. When she looked up, she finally breathed, seeing Joel looking down at her with an apologetic expression. “Ellie?” He asked, taking her hand and pulling her back up. 

Suddenly, she ran into his arms, making his own muscles wrap around her whether he liked it or not. She looked around them and her body relaxed when she saw Faye was nowhere near.  _ That was too close… I can’t fall asleep again. I can’t let him be alone with her. Stupid, Ellie, stupid.  _ She yelled in her head, hiding in Joel’s arms, but eventually, Joel pulled her from him, bending down and meeting her eyes. “Hey… what’s wrong?” He asked, holding her chin gently with one finger and looking into her emerald eyes. “Did somethin’ happen when I was out?” 

‘ _ Ellie… he’ll find out eventually. Let it be before something happens.’  _ Tommy’s words echoed in her mind but she shook her head, wanting to protect Joel.  _ I can protect us myself… I’ll take care of us this time. “ _ No, just…” Ellie tried to think of a lie: Joel couldn’t know. “... just a nightmare.” She whispered, shaking her head and looking down to the snow, shamefully.  _ I should tell him… he’d tell me? What if he’s hurt that I don’t tell him…  _ “Sorry.” Ellie murmured, taking herself from him and looking around again. 

It felt like somebody was watching them, watching her. Ellie turned around, looking at the shops but nothing was immediately clear. “Ellie… don’t apologize when you’re with me.” Joel spoke, caressing her cheek and turning her towards him. “Alright?” He asked and she nodded, smiling for a second.   
“Can we just do something today…? I need to take my mind off of things.” Joel smiled, nodding and having a good idea. Tommy had shown Joel around during Winter, trying to get things to do with Ellie. Joel nodded, taking Ellie’s hand and beginning to lead her through the town. 

“Y’know… before everything went down, when Sarah couldn’t sleep, or when I was stressed about work, we’d just… she loved goin’ down to the hospital. I’d take her there and she’d just lead me to the nursery… there were all the little babies there and she’d just watch them.” Joel remembered, smiling warmly and looking to the nursery of Jackson, it was where all of the newborn babies were kept. They weren’t kept in the hospital, since sickness was always brewing in there. Ellie took Joel’s hand and she leaned into him, his own flannel covering her chest. A hoodie coated her due to the last winter month, but it was lighter than the one she’d worn in December. 

Ellie looked up to Joel, smiling when their eyes met. “Can we?” Ellie asked and Joel nodded, moving up the steps to the nursery. A genuine smile grew on Ellie’s lips and whenever she smiled, her freckles curled up and her nose scrunched. Joel thought it was so cute… “Aw…” Ellie cooed, seeing baskets of babies when they entered the building.   
Joel called in a favor with Tommy, to let them go in the building. Ellie rushed ahead to a basket. There was an infant hidden under a mess of blankets and Ellie giggled, poking her finger and watching as the child’s tiny hand wrapped around her finger. “Joel, look! He’s looking at me.” Ellie gasped, her lips curling upwards. Joel looked down to her as she played with the tiny infant, humming to it. “He’s so cute.” She murmured, brushing a tiny strand of hair covering his eyes. He had jet black hair and piercing green eyes, matching Ellie’s. “Aw… hi.” She sang softly, looking into his eyes and bending down over the cradle. 

“Yeah, I remember this one Sarah loved… Sammy, I think his name was… I dunno.” Joel whispered, moving beside her and looking down at the babies’ little faces. The one Ellie had found had rosy cheeks and dark little freckles that dotted its skin. Joel brushed her hair back since it was falling into the baby’s face. Ellie looked back at him, smiling and taking his hand. 

Ellie trailed up the child’s face with her finger, tickling it gently and taking its tiny hand. “Look how peaceful he looks…” Ellie’s voice was barely audible and Joel prided himself on how this seemed to cheer her up. “He’s so cute.” She repeated, pulling his coddled blanket up to below his chin and protecting him from the cold. Joel watched her sing and hum to the baby, she looked so… peaceful. Like he wasn’t even there, it was just her and the tiny baby. 

She took both of the infant’s hands, gently pulling them and creating the illusion the baby was dancing. But suddenly, he began wailing and Ellie frowned, shaking her head. She pulled the baby from his basket gently and held him in her arms. Ellie hummed softly in his ears, rocking the child as Joel watched with a warm smile on his face.  _ I should tell him.  _ “Sh, sh…” She shushed him softly and tickled his hands slightly, making the cries turn into giggles. “Look, he’s laughing.” Ellie smiled, looking up to Joel with the baby in her hands. 

“Y’know, the night Sarah was born… I just stayed at the nursery and played her guitar… God, she loved guitar.” Joel smirked, remembering the days after school where Sarah and him would just sit on the couch, playing the six-string. She listened to his soft singing and she’d tease him a little, but not too much. Whenever he did, his face turned red and it just made her giggle more. _She was so cute._ Joel recalled, smiling slightly, even if the memories brought him pain.   
Ellie slowly placed the child down and smiled, kissing Joel on the cheek in paternal love. Joel smiled, crossing his arms and looking down at her. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a massive sap?” Ellie asked, sassily smirking up towards him and looking around at the babies, all of them snoring slightly. 

“Nah, I’ve got no idea what you’re talkin’ about.” Joel shrugged, taking her hand and leading her out of the nursery slowly.  _ She looks better now.  _ Joel realized when he saw her smile. It was only around eleven or twelve and the day was still new. They began to walk through town and suddenly, Ellie broke from his grip, traveling to a small shop that was assembled in a small hut. In her hands, she picked up a small dream-catcher, but the item looked foriegn to her. 

“What is this?” Ellie asked, scratching the fabric and looking at Joel. He smiled, gently taking it from her and remembering one Sarah had in her room. Ellie’s nightmares were still extremely existent, but they weren’t as bad. She’d never be able to get the sight of David doing what he did to her out of her mind, she knew that… but sometimes, she’d be blessed with Joel finding her afterwards, or Joel saving her from the monster. 

Joel looked down at the beads and feathers on the contraption. They tickled his hand slightly and he brushed them off. “It’s a dreamcatcher… it’s meant to take your bad dreams and catch ‘em, and let the good dreams through.” Joel explained, hearing Ellie’s breath hitch. She took it back from him, looking at the embroidered design and squeezing her eyes shut for a second. Ellie knew it was just some dumb myth, it’d just be added to the list of idiotic traditions Joel had told her… but part of her wanted it. Maybe it really would chase away her nightmares. 

“Can… Can we get one?” Ellie asked, looking up to Joel with an embarrassed face. But still, Joel didn’t judge her: he simply took it from her and walked towards the shopkeeper, trading a few coins with her and soon enough, he returned it to Ellie. 

“We can tie it up when we get home.” He chimed happily, wrapping his left hand around her and holding her close as they continued through the town. “Y’know… Faye told me, her brother and her used ta go skiing… reckon you would’ve really liked that.” When Ellie looked to him in a confused manner, he chuckled, stroking her shoulder with the hand that held her close to him. “You’d get too big sticks and put ‘em on your feet. When it snowed, you’d go on some big mountain and slide down with the skis.” He summarized, hearing her laugh at the odd description. 

He laughed softly with her and with the sun high in the skin on the Winter afternoon, they continued through the town. “Who came up with this shit?” Ellie chuckled, the dream catcher still dangling from her fingers. It was soft and Ellie fingered the material carefully. “Y’know back in Boston, this one time I stole some roller-skates from the head-master’s office. My friend and I just were fucking falling all day.” Ellie laughed, remembering the day Riley and her nearly broke their hips a hundred times. 

Joel warmed at her laugh and he took her hand, leading her through the town. “Sarah used to have those. Yeah, her and her friends, they’d go out after school and just ride around.” He remembered the first time he’d gifted her roller blades. She skinned her knee on the curb and despite his protests, she got back on the next day.  _ ‘Don’t ya think you should take a break from it?’ ‘If I don’t try to learn how, I’ll never know how to do it, Daddy.’  _ She was so much older than her age, Joel realized. “Y’know, she used to play those games you like… Phoenix, or whatever.” 

Ellie’s eyes widened and her face lit up. “Really? Did she totally kick your ass in it? I bet she did.” Joel let out a hearty laugh and he nodded, smiling. “Yeah, you’re not really too good at that stuff. You should really stop letting me play you for movie choice.” Joel smiled passionately, looking her in the eyes and glancing at her from head to toe.  _ She’s so cute.  _ He thought, and he felt a strange sensation in him. Feelings he’d sealed off since Sarah’s death were starting to resurface from him and his love for Ellie was growing, and that scared him. “Y’know, her…” Joel sighed, itching the back of his neck and looking down to the ground. “Her birthday’s comin’ up soon…” Joel admitted, a somber pain in his voice when he confessed it. 

The smile on Ellie’s lips faltered and she tried to think of something that would cheer him up. “Well… did she like cake?” 

“What kid doesn’t like cake?” Joel smirked, remembering how on her birthday, Sarah was ready to inhale an entire cake and leave a sliver for Joel, but he never minded, he was just relieved she was happy despite their financial troubles. 

Ellie met his eyes and he felt relaxed all of a sudden. “Well, due to my  _ obviously  _ superior cooking skills, maybe we can bake her a cake.” Joel smiled sheepishly and suddenly, he took Ellie in his arms, stopping his walking all of a sudden and just burying his head in her hair. He inhaled deeply and assured to himself that Ellie was alive. 

“Yeah, I… I’d like that.” He softly spoke, breaking away from her but still holding her hand in his. Ellie’s gentle leer returned and she leaned into his shoulder, continuing to walk while the sun had begun to be held captive by the horizon. But eventually, as the hours went by, the sun had been taken hostage and a layer of darkness spread over the sky. “Alright… wanna get back?” Joel asked, looking at Ellie and smiling, seeing her nod. She’d bought a blanket after the invaders raided their house and stole most of their supplies. It was wrapped around her shoulders and loosely covered her small frame. A thin layer of tire was lingering on her and her steps were laggard. “Hey… c’mere.” Joel had a huge grin on his face and he bended down. Ellie looked to him with a confused face, but a smile. “C’mon… Sarah used to do this all time.” 

“Okay…” She giggled, climbing onto his back as he gave her a piggy-back ride. “This is dumb.” She laughed, holding onto his shoulders to stay on. He looked up at her, smirking and seeing the magical twinkle in her eyes. A soft laugh escaped her lips and she held onto Joel tightly. Joel kept his gaze on her as he walked them back towards the house, with Ellie humming on his back. “Hey, Joel…?” Ellie asked, her hand resting on his shoulder. 

His lips curled upwards and he turned back, looking into her eyes with an affectionate love. “Yeah, kiddo?” He responded, his voice in a deep -yet comforting- grovel. Ellie smiled back, leaning into him and feeling his beard scratch the side of her face. 

“Thank you.” She whispered, her eyes closed. Ellie didn’t need to tell him what she was thankful for: he knew.  _ Thank you for sticking around… thank you for taking me in. Thank you for loving me, thank you for not judging me, thank you for helping me through Winter, just… thank you.  _ Joel slowly walked towards the couch, taking Ellie in his arms and laying her down onto the cushions. 

Her eyes were big and sad, like that of a dog’s. He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and bended beside the couch. “Listen to me…” He softly requested and she nodded, pinning her attention onto him and watching his every move. “I’m gon’ be here for the rest of your life. You ain’t gonna go a day where I’m not right beside you.” He swore and she gave him a weak smile, suddenly wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close. He chuckled, laying himself down on the couch beside her and holding her close. He took the remote and turned on the television, something that had become such a daily practice for him. 

Ellie loved watching the movies and seeing what life was like before the apocalypse. She’d grown a certain affinity for a series Joel had shared the same feelings for: Star something…  _ Star Fight…? Star Battle?  _ She couldn’t remember, but she knew she loved it. Ellie wanted to draw her own poster for it and hang it up in her room. Dina still encouraged her to hang her art up for trade in the center of town, but Ellie’s shyness and fear was too much. “Y’know… this is kind of shit.” Ellie laughed, looking up at Joel to comment on the movie, only to see he was asleep. 

Joel had found the live-action movie of the comics she held so dear, and she hated it so much it was good. Joel softly snored and she smiled, brushing his hair out of his eyes and slowly getting up from the couch. He moved to cover the entire sofa and looked more comfortable. “Such a sap.” She softly whispered, taking the blanket from her shoulders and shielding Joel’s body from the cold. Ellie bent beside him, kissing his cheek before stretching her limbs out.  _ Damn, I’m hungry… I should eat, I don't want to pass out on Joel.  _

The interior lights of the fridge illuminated her face and she looked at the packed appliance, taking a cold container of macaroni and cheese. She poured it into a bowl and placed it in the microwave, watching it slowly heat. Ellie tried to stay silent: Joel needed his rest, as she feared he’d be plagued with nightmares soon due to Sarah’s birthday coming up. It was the same experience she’d had with Riley, and both of them had with Tess in Autumn, during her birthday.  _ I’ll protect us.  _ Ellie pledged, looking to Joel’s slumbering figure.  _ Nothing is going to happen to you, and I’ll protect you from that asshole, no matter what. You come first, always.  _ She spoke in her mind, finally turning away from Joel when the food in the microwave was ready. 

The thought of Faye made Ellie’s stomach turn, and when she looked to Joel, her anger -but, also her fear- only increased.  _ How could someone use him like that? She’ll get what she deserves… but I need to tell him eventually. Tommy’s right, he’ll find out soon enough. It’s better to do it before she comes after me, or Joel…  _ Even though she knew telling Joel was the right thing to do, she refused to watch his face die as she told Joel that Faye wanted to hurt him, to hurt  _ her. I’m not doing that… at least, not now.  _

So, she sat down beside him again, being pushed to the very edge of the couch due to his tall body. She didn’t mind it, she liked watching Joel sleep. It was nice, and peaceful. But suddenly, breaking that circle of safety, she heard the sound of a knock upstairs, like something was hitting the window.   
Her skin paled and she looked to Joel, debating whether or not to wake him. _What if it’s Faye? What if she’s come to hurt us?_ Ellie asked herself but once again, she decided against it, wanting to protect Joel’s emotions. Ellie recalled when she first saw Dina and Jesse kissing at the pure hurt that lived in her. She didn’t want that for him. _Hello?_ Ellie thought, slowly taking her knife and travelling up the steps. Another small noise came through her ears and she winced, shutting her eyes shut like something had struck her. “Shit.” She cursed, finally travelling into her room and seeing that someone was throwing pebbles against the window. 

When Ellie saw Dina standing at the bottom, throwing rocks, she felt a relief run through her.  _ Fucking hell.  _ Ellie switched the lock of the window open. Joel had installed one after Chase, mostly because of her paranoia. After Chase and Ellie’s reputation, no one really came near her anymore. That was why that man’s attack at the dance had been so unexpected, everyone was terrified of her. “Jesus, you gave me a fucking heart attack.” Ellie scolded her, watching Dina carefully climb up towards the window. 

“Yeah, I was trying to.” Dina giggled, taking Ellie’s hand and letting the girl pull her up with an unwelcome smile. Ellie watched as Dina sat on the window-sill, part of the cold Winter air spilling through the house and basking it in the final month of the dreaded season: February. 

“Well…? What’s wrong?” Ellie asked, meeting Dina’s eyes and looking her up and down, expecting something to be terribly wrong. Dina snorted, pushing herself from the sill and falling onto Ellie’s bed, smiling. Ellie shut the window, placing the locked close. 

Joel’s snoring was still apparent from downstairs and she shut the door as well, not wanting to wake him. “Nothing’s wrong, El, just wanted to see you.” Dina smoothly replied, waggling her eyebrows at Ellie and making the smaller girl laugh.  _ Such a sap.  _ Ellie thought, watching as Dina moved towards the window again, taking a cigarette from her jeans and lighting it. Dina opened the window, breathing the smoke from the cigarette out towards the night’s air. “Y’know… the stars are so pretty.” But when she said that, her eyes were meeting Ellie’s. 

Ellie smirked, sitting besides Dina on the window-sill seat and looking at the cigarette. She remembered the first time she’d had alcohol: with Riley. Ellie learned that night that it really  _ didn’t  _ go down smooth. “Are you high?” Ellie giggled, looking up at the constellations riddled in the sky.  _ One day.  _ Joel and her would make it to the moon and they wouldn’t  _ have  _ to worry about Faye, or Infected: no hunters, no David, and no painful memories. 

“Ellie: when am I not high?” Dina joked and Ellie quietly laughed, once again eyeing the cigarette. Riley used to tease her for her vow of soberness from smoking or drinking.  _ ‘You’re worried about cancer… in the world  _ we  _ live in?’  _ She’d always laugh, and just take another hit. “Here, if you want to.” Ellie handed her the cigarette and Ellie smiled, breathing in the smoke but as expected, she began to hack up the smoke, pushing it from her mouth and dropping the cigarette. It fell to the grass beside the house and Dina laughed, teasing Ellie. “Verrrry smooth, Ellie.” 

Finally, Ellie’s coughing stopped and she playfully punched Dina’s shoulder, glaring at her. “Yeah, I know, I’m a real charmer.” Ellie coughed, sitting on the window sill with her legs hanging out of the window. Dina did the same, feeling the slightest bit of snow wrinkle the window-sill. Ellie shivered and Dina looked at her, unzipping her hoodie and wrapping it around the smaller girl’s shoulders. “You’re such a sap.” Ellie teased, looking into the girl’s eyes as their faces grew closer. 

“Yeah… I know.” Dina whispered, leaning into the crook of Ellie’s neck. “Hey… think we can go on patrol again next week?” Ellie rolled her eyes, letting out a shuffle of hushed laughs and looking at the snow below them. 

Jackson looked so quiet like this, since it was almost two or three A.M. The usual pedestrians had vanished and a husky silence lingered over it. Ellie loved it. “Yeah… think I can fit that into my schedule.” Dina smiled and before Ellie could do anything, Dina looked into her eyes, her pupils twinkling with the light of the moon. “What…?” She asked, holding Dina’s hand and looking down at her lips.  _ I can’t do this.  _ Ellie thought, looking away and turning her head away from Dina.  _ I want it so badly… I love you so much, D, but I love Jesse, too. What we’re doing to him isn’t right… and I don’t know if I’m ready to get attached to someone again.  _

The last time she did that, she had to murder Riley in -what she thought- was cold blood. “Nothing…” Dina whispered, dipping her head in sadness from the depressed rejection. “I should go…” 

“Dina-” 

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine.” Dina promised, kissing Ellie on the cheek and slowly climbing down the window again, murmuring ‘good-night’ and leaving before Ellie could even say anything else. As Dina left, she stomped out the cigarette that rested on the grass, saving the residence from a house-fire. _I’m fine…_ Ellie lied to herself, standing there for a moment and looking up at the moon, imagining the dead looking down at her.   
Ellie sighed, picking at her nails and watching the clouds shade the moon with a thin layer of opacity. “Hey, Mom… been a while since I talked to you.” Ellie had made a habit of talking to her mother, it made her feel closure and bond with the woman, even if she never met her. It also made her feel closer with Sam, and taking some of the guilt of his death off of her. _‘Do you believe in heaven…?’ ‘I don’t know.’_ “Joel said he’d help me fix your letter… sorry about that.” Ellie smiled weakly, looking down as she held the usual, one-sided conversation. “I think you’d really like him… but… I don’t know what to do… about _her._ ” Ellie’s voice was barely even audible as she recalled Faye. “I don’t know… I’ll figure it out…” She promised herself, sniffling and wiping a stray tear from her eye. 

Ellie pushed herself from the window-sill seat, closing the glass and locking the window, letting her last glance at the moon live for just a little too long.  _ I always do.  _ Ellie thought, sighing and retreating downstairs. Joel’s sleep seemed a little lighter and she quietly rushed over, watching his arms grab for the air that she’d once been sitting in.  _ I’m here.  _ Ellie promised, slowly laying down and feeling Joel’s arms instantly wrap around her, pulling her close to him and hiding her in his arms. 

She smiled, looking up to Joel’s sleeping face and letting a grin spread across her face. She was so scared about caring for someone again… after Tess, after Riley, after Winston, after Sam and Henry, after  _ Marlene.  _ Everyone she’d ever loved had either died or left her, and the terror that Joel would be the same was something that almost took over her ability to breathe. 

She pressed her head into his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of beats that came with each second.  _ We’re alright. I’ll protect you, I promise.  _ Ellie whispered audibly, but no response came. She was fine with that, the steady music of his heart eventually pulled her to sleep.  _ I love you.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading! i think this season might be a bit shorter than i wanted, maybe 27 28ish. i want to put some more fluff between joel and ellie and dina and ellie because i don't want it just being "ooh ellie gets hurt, joel's there" every episode, i want the plot to actually grow and i know that's a problem i've had in the past. so, requests are open for the next like, three or fourish chapters, so get them in now! comments/kudos are appreciated as always, and there will be an update in 2-3 days! :3 i'm not sure if i'll have dina and ellie kiss, i think i'll have it in the same chapter that everything finally goes down with faye, foreshadowing ;3 ;3. ok, enough rambling! have an amazing night, and happy early holidays!


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dina and Ellie's second attempt at patrol takes a deadly turn.

_ “Ellie…” He shook his head, looking at her with a terrible face. This was a new nightmare… she wasn’t hurt, he was okay, they both were, but Joel was still horrified. She was alone, he was nowhere to be seen. Ellie seemed older, her body was more mature and her face had aged slightly. She looked like she was in her twenties.  _ Where am I?  _ Joel asked, but he feared that the question had already been answered.  _ I said I wouldn’t leave. 

_ Ellie carried a gun in her hands and Joel’s watch was on her wrist. Blood was spilt on her cheeks and she was walking alone in the middle of the desert. Her converse sneakers slapped against the broken pavement of a forgotten street. The heat was terrible, but she didn’t even care. Joel realized that she no longer looked alive. She breathed and blinked, but whatever life that once resided in her had been entirely wiped out a long time ago.  _

_ Footsteps suddenly appeared behind her and before Joel could even warn her about two Infected approaching from behind, she fired and both of them were dead in an instant.  _ No.  _ Joel thought, trying to walk towards her but seeing that he was frozen. “Ellie.” He called, but she didn’t hear him:  _ he was dead.  _ He failed her, he was like all of the rest of them. He was dead.  _ I failed her.  _ “Ellie!” He yelled, but once again, she didn’t even hear him.  _

_She kept going: Ellie promised him that. No matter how much she wanted to end it, Joel asked her to keep going so she did. As Joel watched her just continue down the broken road, her hands etched with blood and her expression broken._ I did this. _Joel realized, recognizing the limpness of her posture and the drag of her feet. It took him back to when he first lost Sarah… Ellie had become_ him _, and he suddenly realized how terrifying that was._ Is this my fault? Am I a bad influence on her? What if I’m hurting her by being here? _  
__Joel was -or used to be, before Ellie- a monster. He killed without hesitating, he did whatever he had to to survive and didn’t even think about mercy. And in this new breed of nightmares, that was what he saw in her. Despite keeping her safe, that was his biggest goal. To teach her to_ live, _and trying to teach her how to be a_ kid _again, even if it was almost impossible after Winter, and Riley. “Hey, baby girl, I’m right here.” But suddenly, a wall of glass ran between them and he couldn’t even move to get to her. “Ellie!” He roared, banging against the glass and watching as on her side, blood began to rain from the sky. “Ellie!” He screamed, trying so hard to get to her but he wasn’t good enough. The blood was his blood, it was the blood of all of the people she killed. She was a monster…_ no. _Joel cried, but he wasn’t good enough: he couldn’t stop it._

“ _ Ellie _ !” Joel gasped, shooting up and panting wildly, feeling the fabric of the couch beneath him. His eyes searched for Ellie and they found the small girl scrunched up on the last cushion of the couch, pushed in such a claustrophobic way due to his tallness.  _ Ellie.  _ He breathed, letting his body fall back against the couch as a massive sigh of relief ran through him.  _ Thank God.  _

She was still her, she was fifteen again and her body was clean of blood.  _ Thank you.  _ That nightmare was a warning, and he wasn’t going to let it become the truth. Ellie’s face was peaceful in her continuous sleep and Joel watched her breathe, treating each inhale like a reason to live. He sat beside her, his body on the floor in front of the couch. The television was still playing and he realized by the bowl of food on the coffee table it’d been a sleepless night for her. 

His worst fear, besides something happening to Ellie, was for her to become like him, or at least, how he used to be. Stale. An emotionless killing machine. Ellie’s appearance had deceived everyone in the town: she was so much more than a ‘little girl.’ She’d seen so many things, things no little girl should see. Ellie had to kill, she had to  _ murder…  _ she had to murder some of her own  _ friends.  _ Ellie had to survive being raped… and though Joel helped her through it, she had to do most of it herself. Joel hated that so much. He despised himself for not being able to help her more… but he was just glad she was okay. He was determined to keep her human, not into the terror that he’d seen in his nightmare. 

Even if she wasn’t physically a child, she was still his little girl. Joel brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and all of a sudden, Ellie jumped up, thinking someone else was touching her. Joel recoiled, holding his hands up and showing her that it was him. He noticed that she was extra jumpy lately: he just didn’t know why. He wished she’d talk to him. Every little snap of a twig, - _ anything-  _ she instantly had her hand on her knife, which was odd considering Winter had begun to retreat. “Sorry, you startled me.” Ellie whispered, looking up to Joel and leaning into him. She noticed he’d laid her blanket around her frame and she smiled. 

“Sorry.” He chuckled and she jabbed him with her elbow playfully, hearing his laugh resonate from deep in his lungs. She saw the lastings of a nightmare on his face, she could always tell. She wanted to ask him about it, but if he wanted to tell her, he would. Ellie wasn’t one to pry. And she wasn’t exactly allowed to hold a grudge if he didn’t tell her something because of her current…  _ situation.  _ “So, wanna just relax today?” Joel asked, meeting her eyes. 

Ellie smiled, looking into his eyes as he leaned into him. She remembered Dina’s request from the previous night: ‘ _ think we can go on patrol again?’ Might as well… at least this time we won’t freeze to death… what could go wrong? A lot, but at least I’ll have Dina.  _ “Nah, I was wondering…” Ellie sighed, sitting up and meeting Joel’s eyes. “Can Dina and me go on patrol again? Now, I know-” 

“Ellie…” He sighed, pinching his sinuses and seeing the desperation on her face. “What if somethin’ happens again? Or you two get stuck?” The father in Joel told him to worry about every little thing, even if it wasn’t remotely rational. He knew Ellie could handle herself, Joel _knew_ that she was probably stronger than him… but he still worried.   
“Nothing’ll happen, Joel.” She smiled, placing her small hand on his cheek and forcing him to look at her. Ellie gave him a large pout, pulling down her lips and making her eyes seem big and sad. Ellie knew it was his weakness and, oh, she used it to her advantage frequently. He smiled, tilting his eyebrow and crossing his arms together. “Pleaseeee…?” She sang softly, whispering gently and taking his hand with her left, while the right stayed on his cheek. 

Joel groaned, shutting his eyes and nodding. “God… fine. Only if you’re  _ extra careful. _ ” He scolded, seeing her throw her arms around him and hug him with excitement. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She giggled happily, embracing him and pressing her head into the back of his shoulder. Joel smiled sweetly, smirking at her excitement. He learned -after Winter-  _ never  _ to take her smile for granted. Anything could happen at any moment and take away that little curl of her lips that he’d come to adore so much. It felt weird: having those fatherly feelings once again. Finding Ellie so adorable and cute like he once had for Sarah. “I’ll be careful, promise.” 

Since the snow had retreated, they wouldn’t be assaulted by a surprise blizzard, at least. But, little did Ellie know how horribly the patrol would go. Ellie sprinted up the steps, fastening a warmer jacket onto her body and hiking boots. Her bag was already packed: a pistol, a sawed-off shotgun that she’d scavenged all the way back in Salt Lake, medical supplies, food, and of course, ammo. “Alright: you be careful. Stick with Dina, and-” 

“Always watch my back, I know.” Ellie smiled, pulling Joel into a hug and looking at him. Something about the conversation felt weird, but she didn’t know why. “I love you.” Ellie whispered and Joel smiled, bending down in front of her and brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. He kissed the top of her head, pulling her close and breathing in her smell.  _ Thank you.  _ Ellie thought, repeating her words from the previous night. 

“I love you, too, baby girl.”  _ My little girl.  _ He thought, smiling with pride when he pulled away, looking her from head to toe. She was so cute. And so, Ellie wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close, hugging him tightly. “Be careful.” He asked softly and she smiled, pulling away and looking up at him. 

She slung her bag over her shoulders and hugged him once again before retreating from the embrace. “Y’know, you should try worrying a little less. You might get a little less gray.” Joel barked a fake laugh, messing her hair before she opened the door, venturing out and shutting it behind her.  _ Dina’s probably at the ranch already anyway.  _ Ellie thought, making her way towards the building. 

And so, the day went on: Dina and Ellie eventually ventured out into the last licks of Winter. Ellie rode on Shimmer as she watched Dina hop down, rolling around in the mud like a bear. “What are you doing?” Ellie giggled, seeing the dirt growing on Dina’s face and the snow washing some of it off. “I’m beginning to think your parents shot you out of a cannon as a kid, D.” Ellie teased, and Dina stood up, placing her hands on her hips and shooting a fake glare at Ellie. 

“Oh, har har.” She barked, but the smile on Dina’s lips didn’t fade. The _clip-clop_ of Shimmer’s feat against the worn roads resonated through the girls’ heads. They were heading to an old apartment building. Tommy was hesitant to send them there due to the size of the building. The tip of the roof was visible and its head peeked right over the trees. It was cleared a month or so ago, so Ellie wasn’t really expecting much, but Dina still liked it being just them. Nothing else, just Ellie and her on the road, with no one but each other.   
Suddenly ending Ellie’s thoughts, Dina tossed a ball of snow into her cheek, making the powder break on the smaller girl’s skin. A cold gasp escaped her lips but it broke into a smile. “This doesn’t look ominous, not even a little bit.” Dina commented, looking at the looming figure of the building. Ellie snickered, dropping down from Shimmer and brushing the horse’s mane with her fingers.   
Ellie clucked like a chicken but before she could continue, another snowball broke across her jacket. She smiled, seeing Dina’s fake glare at her. “Alright, let’s tie Shimmer up.” Ellie saw a parking garage just below the entrance to the building and she walked Shimmer towards it, whispering to the horse. 

“Gee, looks like I have competition.” Dina teased when she saw Ellie kiss Shimmer on the cheek. Ellie laughed, looking back at Dina and shaking her head. Three times now, three times they’d nearly kissed. But all three, Ellie pulled away. She’d feel too guilty to do that to Jesse, and part of her still wasn’t ready to be with anyone, not after Winter. That trust she once had was shattered to pieces and she didn’t know if she had the strength to put them back together… but she wanted to: for Dina. “Hey, Ellie. What causes horses to sneeze the most? Hay fever.”   
It was like Ellie could feel her entire body eye-roll and she looked back at Dina, suddenly wanting to just combust. “That was… so bad.” Ellie smirked, taking Shimmer’s reins and tying it around a conduit protruding from the broken bricks of the garage’s wall. “Like, worse than my jokes bad.” 

“Jeez, harsh.” Dina gasped, holding her hand to her heart like Ellie had struck her. Ellie rolled her eyes, moving past Dina and towards the building. Ellie thought she heard the snap of a twig behind her, but she shrugged it off. “So, what do you… do on patrol, exactly? Just… walk around?”   
Ellie snickered and they began to continue through the building. The front desk had been decorated with fake webs and plastic pumpkins. Ellie remembered Halloween: Joel had told her about it. _A bunch of crazy people dress up and knock on strangers’ doors. Seems accurate for what you people celebrated back then, Joel._ Ellie thought, taking the plastic pumpkin and seeing there was a bundle of candies inside. Ellie held it up, showing them to Dina. “How much for you to eat one of those?” 

“I choose life.” Dina blankly answered, moving past Ellie and hearing the girl’s small giggle. “This place smells.”  _ Fuck. Fuck, I forgot to bring my mask.  _ Ellie suddenly realized, feeling a cold terror run up her veins.  _ It’s fine, maybe there won’t be any spores. How could I forget?  _ Ellie ridiculed herself, but she took in a deep breath and shook it off. What would Dina think if she knew of Ellie’s condition? Would she think Ellie a freak, as the small girl already did for herself?

_I’m gonna have to tell them eventually._ Ellie told herself, knowing Jesse and Dina deserved to know. They’d presented themselves as an open book to Ellie, and it was fair that she’d do the same… but Joel said to keep it a secret, and Joel knew what was best for her. Ellie believed that, especially after Salt Lake. “Yeah, not like all of this shit’s only been sitting her for two decades.” Ellie chattered, beginning to climb up the flight of steps that directed the pair to the actual dormitories. “People were so weird.” Ellie thought, moving into the first room and seeing a room full of framed insects, similar to the one Joel and her had found on their way to Salt Lake.   
“Nightmare fuel…” Dina whispered, tapping her finger against one of the frames. Inside, a large, hairy spider lived and Dina almost expected it to jump out at her. “I hate spiders.” She grumbled, looking away from the glass and turning around. The rooms were small and a single bed laid in each one. A sink and cabinets were the only appliances, and a mini fridge was nestled into the wall. “Homey…” She sarcastically spoke, looking in the fridge but only finding spider webs. She promptly closed it. 

Ellie smiled and slowly, they moved room by room, clearing most of the first floor. “Look… vinyl.” Ellie spoke softly, seeing a room that had an entire wall covered corner to corner in vinyl records. “Wish we could take these back.” Ellie climbed up onto the second level of the bunk bed in the room, taking one of the disks from the wall with extreme care.   
“You are _such_ a nerd.” Dina realized, watching Ellie hold the disk up to her. Ellie barked a fake laugh, returning her gaze to the disk in her hands. She used her sleeve to wipe the thin layer of dust and vegetation off of the record. _Jackson… something._ The last word was obscured by a scratch and Ellie cringed seeing it. _Poor thing._ She thought, slipping it into her bag and deciding she’d refurbish it back at Jackson. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a weirdo?” Dina joked and Ellie looked at her, smiling. 

“Maybe, I dunno…” She answered, jumping back to the floor and feeling Dina take her hand. “Sap.” She whispered and Dina smiled. Dina’s front tooth had begun to grow in so she looked more mature now. Her body had also grown taller, while Ellie only seemed to shrink. Some of the other kids in town teased Ellie for being so small, and it did hurt her, but Joel’s constant affection and love reversed that effect. Besides, she’d usually just tell them to: ‘fuck off.’ 

“What’s that sound…?” A strange growling resonated through the building and Ellie peeked around a corner, seeing a clicker. “Shit, what do we do?” Ellie put her fingers to her lips and gestured that she’d go alone. Dina wasn’t a physical fighter: she could hurt with words, but she wasn’t a fighter. Dina wanted to call Ellie’s name. It was easy to forget how dangerous the world was, and what patrol actually was for: to kill the monster under the bed. 

But somehow, with Ellie, Dina felt safe, even if the building was soon to be anything but. If only Ellie or Dina knew that… maybe they could’ve stopped her. Swiftly, Ellie had taken out the clicker and she gave the thumbs up to Dina, but suddenly, a runner grabbed Ellie and pushed her down to the ground. “ _ Ellie _ !” Dina squealed, running toward her and being unsure of what to do. Dina looked down to the pistol in her hand, almost as if she just noticed it was there. And without thinking, and barely aiming, Dina pulled the trigger and the growling of the Infected stopped. “Are you alright?” Dina gulped, seeing the blood pour from the Infected body laid out on the floor. 

“Y-yeah… thanks.” Ellie whispered, looking up to Dina and smiling weakly at her. Dina nodded, looking down at her gun and tossing it away like it’d burned her. “You did good, you saved me.” Ellie assured her, remembering the first time she’d killed a human. She did it to save Joel, all the way back in Summer. She didn’t regret it: part of her felt good about it. She felt good that she saved Joel: she did good.

“I know, just… haven’t killed something in a while.” Dina whispered, slowly taking the gun back from the ground and pulling back the clutch of the gun, reloading it. “God, they smell like shit.” 

Ellie snickered, nodding and searching the body. She found three gleaming bullets and quickly loaded them into her rifle. “Yup.” She agreed, stepping over the body and helping Dina jump over with the taller girl’s hand in hers. Finally, they continued up to the third floor, and this time: Ellie was sure that she heard it. But she didn’t want to worry Dina: she knew later on that’d be a mistake. “Okay, we can use some good old jokes right about now.” 

“Oh, God.” Dina groaned, smiling and tidying her messy ponytail. Her jet-black strands of hair slinked out of the scrunchie and she repeated the action, pulling it into a tight braid. Ellie thought she looked so pretty and her gaze gave it away, but Dina suddenly took her hand, dragging Ellie towards a balcony. From the high point in the horizon, the duo could see all of Jackson. A silent rose through them, but it was comfortable. Dina nestled her head atop Ellie’s and smiled, looking down at the girl and thinking she was more beautiful than the view. “Y’know… can’t deny the view.” Dina whispered, moving her face inches from Ellie’s and looking down at the girl’s lips.

Ellie looked from Jackson to Dina, seeing the other girl’s expression. A hungry silence bred between them and slowly, Dina pushed in to kiss Ellie.  _ I shouldn’t do this.  _ It was the same sentence that had resonated in Ellie every time Dina did this, but this time… she needed it. She needed Dina to know how she felt. So, Ellie allowed it. Dina’s lips pressed against Ellie and Ellie kissed her back, feeling shame and guilt rise in her… guilt over ‘replacing’ Riley, guilt for letting Dina do this to Jesse… shame over her own sexuality. But also, love rose through Ellie’s veins and she smiled against Dina. 

Dina laughed, slowly pulling away from Ellie, looking her in the eyes and suddenly growing a fondness for every single emerald spark in the smaller girl’s eyes. Ellie sheepishly smiled, but when she looked back to Jackson, it disappeared… that moment of happiness was gone and her intelligence returned to her. Her brain coldly spoke to her, locking her up: ‘remember what happened last time. Keep your guard up, what are you, stupid? Don’t let anyone get close, don’t feel.’ “Please, before you say anything… I… I don’t want to do this to Jesse. It’s not fair to him.” Ellie whispered, looking up at Dina and seeing the taller girl flatten with disenchantment. 

“Okay… I… I can tell him. I’m going to end things with him, you’re right. It’s not right to do that.” Dina nodded, smiling weakly and wanting so desperately for Ellie to just say ‘yes.’ 

_ That’s still not right…  _ Ellie thought, but the life in her fought back.  _ But it’s better…  _ She still hated that Jesse would end up hurt, but she needed someone beside Joel or Tommy, or Maria. Ellie needed that hole Riley left in her to be plugged and with that thought, she nodded, slowly kissing Dina again, but it didn’t last long. Dina smiled against Ellie’s lips and she pulled away, looking at the smaller girl with genuine happiness and ecstasy shooting from her teenage person. “Okay.” Ellie whispered, nodding and leaning her forehead against Dina’s. 

Before Dina could even say anything more, there was a strange rumbling beneath the pair’s feet. Dina’s eyebrows knit together and she looked around them, expecting more of the Infected. “What… is that…?” Dina asked, and that was when her sight traveled down to the feet below Ellie and her. 

When Ellie looked down, she saw the floor beneath them cracking into an abyss. It was shooting them back down to the second floor and Ellie saw spores beneath them. “Shit, move!” Ellie ordered, pushing Dina off of the weak flooring but before Ellie could certify her own safety, she fell into the floors. It wasn’t a far drop, just six or seven feet. Ellie fell into the spores with a  _ thud  _ and took a shallow inhale of breath, trying not to get winded. Ellie knew she was immune, but Dina didn’t. “ _ ELLIE _ !” Dina cried, looking down and feeling terror drift through her as Ellie collapsed into the cloud of spores. 

Dina’s ability to breathe stalled as she watched the spores run around Ellie. However, Ellie didn’t let out a single cough. “Wait, I’ll jump down, stay-” 

“No, Dina, stay up there!” Ellie ordered harshly, slowly standing and brushing the dirt off of her. When she looked up to Dina, she saw a face of pure terror meeting hers. “I’m alright!” Ellie assured her but Dina’s face didn’t change. Her lips tried to make words but they couldn’t form any.  _ No, the spores…  _ Dina thought, her body entering a cold shiver as she looked into Ellie’s eyes. “I’m alright.” 

“B-but the spores…” Dina whimpered, confusion etching through her at Ellie’s nonchalant attitude.  _ What am I going to tell her dad? What am I going to tell Tommy…?  _ Dina thought, trying to accept the fact that Ellie now  _ had to be  _ Infected… because she saved Dina, she pushed  _ Dina  _ out of the way.  _ Why?  _

Ellie cursed under her breath, wiping her hair back and feeling a small ring of pain echo from her elbow where she’d struck the floor. She was in another room now. This one was slightly larger and it looked like it had once been a bathroom, but it was coated in fungus. “No, I’m fine, stay up there.” Ellie ordered, speaking with her entire person. She didn’t plan on letting Dina kill herself for no reason. _Fuck. Now I_ have _to tell her, so she doesn’t shoot me. Fuck, Joel’s going to fucking kill me. Goddammit._ Ellie swore, seeing a door ahead of her. “Listen, I’ll make my way up to you, alright?”   
Dina widened her eyes, tightening her grip on the broken ends of the floor as she looked down towards Ellie. The part she’d broken into was dark and desolate and Dina wanted so desperately to jump down, but she knew it was suicide. _She’s a dead man walking._ Dina breathed, her chest raising and falling rapidly. _No… no, no, no, no, no, no. This isn’t real. Wake up, wake up, wake up._ Dina ordered herself, trying to wake from the nightmare. “Dina. I’ll be fine, just get back down to Shimmer, okay? Keep your mask on.” Ellie kept a steady voice and that scared Dina. 

How much had she had to see for her own death not to terrify her? How was she not affected? “O-okay.” Dina stuttered, her voice quickly breaking down. Eventually, Ellie nodded, taking satisfaction from her answer and moving towards the door ahead of her.  _ I need to get down to Shimmer. Just keep moving forward. Ellie will be fine, Ellie will be fine, we’ll be fine, we’ll be fine, we’ll be fine.  _ Dina chanted, but she didn’t believe it. Ellie breathed it in: she took a deep inhale and breathed the spores in. There was no  _ way  _ she wasn’t Infected. Dina wondered where her mask was:  _ why didn’t she make us turn back if she didn’t have it? How could I let this happen?! Ellie’s going to die, because of me. What if… what if I have to shoot her? I can’t do that. What happens when she turns?  _ Dina thought in desperate lacerations of pain. 

Somehow, she found her way back down to the steps and walked like an infant who’d just been given legs. She stumbled down the steps and on the last bump, she tripped, falling to the floor due to the shock. Dina let out a small groan, slowly pulling herself and climbing up the steps.  _ ‘Just get back to Shimmer, okay? Keep your mask on.’  _ Dina abided by her words, slipping her mask on and making her shaky breathing audible.  _ Just get to Shimmer.  _ Dina tried to tell herself and she dragged her feet, making her way down the next flight of steps and hearing her own ragged breath.  _ Ellie’s Infected, Ellie’s Infected… What do I do? What do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?  _ Dina felt tears travel down her cheeks and finally, she saw Shimmer resting ahead of her.  _ Where’s Ellie? What if she’s already… no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What do I do? Do I go get help?  _

Dina waited there: with sobs escaping her body, she waited there for  _ fifteen minutes.  _ Meanwhile, Ellie was still inside, trying to find a wait out. “C’mon, Ellie…” She remembered Dina’s face: it was so terrified. Ellie cringed, making her way down the dark hallways. Her flashlight was slowly dimming and she had no food or water left. Sometimes, she heard another loud  _ crash,  _ which she’d come to see as more parts of the building collapsing.  _ This place is on fucking crutches, I need to get out of here soon.  _ Ellie thought, looking up at the rumbling ceiling. She realized that room, as well, was beginning to cave in and she dove out of the door frame just in time. Part of the room caved in behind her and she let out a squeak of terror. “This place is fucking falling apart.” She whispered, taking quick breaths and scrambling up, suddenly feeling claustrophobic in the thin hallways. 

Before her was a barricade of chairs and she cursed under her breath, wondering if she could climb above it. Ellie didn’t have time to find another way around. So, she carefully scaled the barricade, getting to the top just as one of the chairs gave way below her and made her tumble to the ground. “Mother _fucker._ ” Ellie croaked, slowly getting up and glaring at the barricade. _Let’s just get out of here, okay? I need to find Dina. There’s no way I can’t tell her now. Joel’s going to murder me._ Ellie thought, not looking forward to Joel’s lecture later on.   
Suddenly, one of the chairs behind Ellie fell, except she was nowhere near it. Something else had prompted it to fall. Her flashlight temporarily gave out and she cursed, slinging her bag over her shoulders and opening it. Her fingers found a pair of batteries and in the frightening darkness, she replaced the batteries. Soon, the light returned and she sighed, feeling the smallest bit of relief run through her. 

It felt like someone was watching her. She turned around, her flashlight illuminating the ‘empty’ hallways.  _ Hello?  _ Ellie thought, moving the light around but the only movement she saw were the shadows dancing under her torch. “Hello?” Ellie called through the building, but no response came… that only made her shudder more.  _ Just get back to Dina.  _ Ellie ordered herself, pulling her bag and returning it to its place on her bag. “I’m going crazy.” Ellie whispered, shaking her head and rejoicing when she saw a staircase ahead of her. 

But, when she approached it, she saw that the end broke off only three or four steps down. “Oh, are you fucking kidding me?” She groaned, rolling her eyes and continuing through the building. She was scared. Not only because of what had gone down with Dina, but something in the building was uninviting. Like she was a virus in the building’s body and it was prepared to burn her off like nothing.  _ Someone else is in here with me.  _ Ellie knew that for a fact. When she heard a pattern of footsteps behind her, it was confirmed. 

Ellie’s eyes widened and she felt her breathing stall.  _ Someone’s in here with me.  _ Ellie repeated, scanning the environment and seeing nothing. But suddenly, thundering footsteps came from behind her and before Ellie could even see her attacker, she felt hands being wrapped around her; human hands. A cloth covered her mouth and she screamed, writhing in the person’s grip. Ellie couldn’t turn around enough to see her attacker, but she was able to see striking blonde hair falling from her attacker’s head. Ellie’s eyes widened and she screamed even more, but as the cloth was pressed harder and harder, she found the ability to breath become harder and harder.  _ Faye.  _ Faye had blinding blonde hair… it was about time something happened, wasn’t it? Ellie was given days to tell Joel, and this was her consequence. 

Her one thought that she’d had ringing in her head for the past few days banged louder and louder:  _ better me and not him.  _ But Ellie was still a fighter, and she screamed as much as she could. From day one, she’d built up fear of the guard and now that the woman was actually attacking her, the terror that ran through Ellie was overbearing. “Shut up, just shut up.” Faye hissed, and her voice was so much different than the fake one she’d come to know. There was no mask anymore, this was who she was. A woman driven to madness and murder, so much so that she could attack a child like it was nothing. 

Tears rolled down Ellie’s cheek and she tried to beat Faye's arm but eventually, Ellie’s body succumbed to unconsciousness due to the lack of oxygen. Her last word was a desperate call for Joel’s name and as she collapsed, the tears on her cheeks paused. Faye let her fall to the ground violently, hearing a small  _ bang  _ when Ellie’s head met the floor.  _ Finally.  _ Faye thought, binding Ellie’s hands and ankles and slowly moving her out of the building, somehow keeping out of Dina’s sight.  _ Finally.  _

_ It’s been too long.  _ Dina finally thought, looking towards the building then back to Shimmer. Her hands were nestled in the horse’s fur and tears were on her cheeks.  _ Should I go in there?  _ Dina asked, her gun in her pocket. She looked down to it with a sickness growing in her stomach. Suddenly, before she could even walk, Dina ran towards a brush of grass, vomiting into it and feeling genuinely sick when she thought of the spores that must’ve been living in Ellie’s lungs.  _ She’s going to be gone by tomorrow. Where is she? Is she already turned…?  _ Shimmer brushed Dina’s ponytail with her head and made Dina smile only for a second. 

The girl slowly brushed the vomit from her lips and stood, mounting the horse.  _ I need to get help. I can’t go in there alone. My mask is broken and Ellie could be…  _ Dina couldn’t find the strength to finish her sentence. Then, she thought of Ellie’s father, Joel. When she thought of the clear, tight-knit relationship between both of them, the tears on her cheeks increased in number. Joel  _ deserved  _ to see Ellie if she hadn’t turned yet. They deserved that conversation. With physical weight slowly pushing her down, she climbed aboard Shimmer and pressed the reins against Shimmer, making her go. 

Guilt was living in her as she rode farther and farther away from -or what she thought was- Ellie’s location.  _ Ellie needs my help and I’m turning away from her.  _ Dina remembered their kiss and that only made the pain in her body triple.  _ That’s what I said: when she got to Jackson, I said I’d be by her side… and I’m leaving her.  _ Dina screamed at herself in her head, wishing she could switch places with Ellie. But all she could do was just ride quicker and finally, the walls of Jackson began to run into Dina’s vision. 

Joel always was on guard when Ellie was on patrol. Just in case something happened, he wanted to be right there when she returned. Tommy usually joined him. It was warming how Tommy cared as much about Ellie as Joel did. Besides, both Tommy and Joel wanted to try to rebuild their relationship after the stoic demise of it in Boston. Both of them wanted to be _brothers_ again.   
Dina and Ellie were the only patrol that day, so when the brothers heard the _clip clop_ of Shimmer’s hooves thundering towards the gates, their heads turned around. And then, they saw the state of Dina. She was sobbing, but the first thing Joel noticed was the absence of Ellie. Something was wrong, he knew that. Tears were storming down Dina’s cheeks and as soon as she arrived at the gates, she all but lept off of Shimmer, seeing that Tommy had rushed to open the gate at her state. “Dina?” Tommy asked, opening the gate and meeting Dina’s eyes. But before the younger Miller could even say anything, Dina sprinted into his arms, sobbing wildly. 

Joel felt his throat run dry and he slowly stepped down from the wall, moving towards the open gates. Joel felt his steps become harder and when he couldn’t find Ellie anywhere, cold panic began to slowly rise in him. “Dina…” He began, his voice low and gruff. Tommy looked to Joel, sharing the same terrified expression on his face. 

Dina hid in Tommy’s arms, letting the man rub her back and try to get her any less panicked. “Dina… where is she?” He didn’t even have to say Ellie’s name, she just looked up, meeting Joel’s eyes. A sentence was traveled through their gaze and Joel felt like he’d been shot.  _ Where is she?  _ Joel repeated gravely, swallowing and looking Dina up and down. She didn’t have any blood on her, and she wasn’t injured…  _ that’s a good sign… I should take that as a good sign.  _ Dina’s gasmask hung on Shimmer’s saddle and the glass was still intact, but Ellie’s was nowhere to be seen.  _ Nothing  _ of Ellie’s was in view. Her bag, her weapons, and of course, his little girl herself were all missing.  _ Where… is… she?  _

It felt like his own veins were strangling him and he was impatiently awaiting Dina’s response. Tommy was staring down at the girl, his eyes taking in every moment of hers. Tommy was asking the same question: where is Ellie?

“We… we fell, and… there… there were spores, and Ellie… Joel, I’m so sorry…” Dina croaked, her puffy eyes meeting Joel’s with a thick layer of grief running through her voice. _Spores…_ Joel thought, letting himself breathe for a second and feeling his throat allow him the right to oxygen. _Maybe… maybe she’s okay. She has to be. She has to be._ Joel chanted, waiting for Dina to say: she’s okay. But Dina didn’t. Even if she didn’t know what _truly_ had happened to Ellie with Faye, she knew Ellie wasn’t okay. “We… we got separated, I came back here when I couldn’t find her.”   
Joel took a deep breath, forcing the idea of her being alive into his head. But still, a deep terror was running through him. After being with Ellie for so long, he knew when something was wrong. Something in his just wouldn’t let him breathe, and he knew what it meant. Ellie was in trouble… and he was going to do whatever he had to to get to her. “Tommy.” Joel spoke, moving back towards the wall and taking his bag. He quickly jumped back down, moving towards Shimmer and mounting the horse. 

“Yeah, I’m right behind you.” From the corner of her eye, Dina could see Jesse emerging from the ranch, and when he saw Dina’s state, he sprinted towards the gate, quickly getting right beside her. 

“What happened…?” Jesse asked and soon enough, Dina switched from Tommy’s arms to Jesse. Jesse looked up to Tommy, seeing the man’s dark expression.  _ Ellie.  _ He realized and his breath hitched. Jesse looked down to Dina then to Joel’s figure. Joel impatient waited for Tommy and the grief and pure terror on his face made Jesse choke. 

Tommy looked Jesse in the eyes, leaving Dina and moving towards a horse posted just beside the gate. “Get her cleaned up.” Tommy ordered and Jesse shivered. In the time he was in Jackson, Tommy always seemed so friendly and happy. But his voice was now devoid of any sort of happiness, and was stiff. It was a stark and unfamiliar cold that Jesse didn’t like. “Let’s go.” Joel nodded, quickly taking off and moving Shimmer as quickly as he could. 

Before Jesse or Dina could even say anything more, the two Miller’s were gone. Joel’s grip was tight and his knuckles were so stressed against the reins that they turned a shade of white. In the best case scenario, Ellie was stuck outside with nearly no ammo, trapped in a building that was nearly thirty years old and unstable. In the worst case, her bite-ridden body was laying bloodied on the floor of that very apartment building, alone… alone because Joel let her go on patrol without him, even when he  _ knew  _ it wasn’t a good idea.  _ I shouldn’t have let her go, I shouldn’t have let her go.  _ Joel reprimanded himself, ordering Shimmer to go faster in a harsh tone.  _ She has to be okay… she has to be okay.  _ His little girl had to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading everyone! sorry if this was a weird cut at the end, i wasn't sure where to end it. i wanted to have something happen with faye eventually because i know it felt a little dragged out an unrealistic. requests are closed temporarily. i wanted to make this season a little longer, but it didn't play out like that. there should be like, 3-4 more chapters, and warning, the next few chapters might get a bit dark. i was somewhat happy with the 'plot' i made for this season, so i hope you guys have liked it so far! there's going to be an update in 2-3 days. comments/kudos are appreciated and as always, have an amazing day! happy holidays!


	25. Chapter Twenty-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel and Tommy search for Ellie.

“No one’s here. There’s nobody here.” Joel repeated in a craze, pacing back and forward in front of the apartment complex and pinching his sinuses. Tommy sat ahead of him, inspecting the area and looking for anything.  _ Dina said she was here… so where is she? Where is she? Where is my daughter?  _ Joel thought desperately, anger and concern ripping through him. It was like he couldn’t move correctly, he couldn’t think: all he could hear was his last words with Ellie, their last conversation. ‘ _ Alright, you be careful, baby. Stick with Dina, and-’, ‘always watch my back… I know, Dad. I love you.’ ‘I love you, too, baby girl.’  _ Joel screwed his eyes shut, shaking his head and looking back up towards the dreaded building.  _ What happened…? Everything was fine a few hours ago.  _ How had everything gone to shit so quickly? “Tommy, there’s no one here.” Joel repeated, feeling like a child. 

Tommy swore, looking back up at his brother’s dead expression.  _ What if… I should’ve checked if that guard was on post.  _ Tommy thought, remembering Ellie’s terrified confession the previous day.  _ ‘Ellie… she’s dangerous… she could try to take you, or hurt either of you.’ What if she went after her…?  _ Tommy remembered the guard’s name: Faye.  _ I should’ve done something. I should’ve told Joel. I should’ve made her tell him… what if she took Ellie? That’s on me.  _ Tommy thought, inspecting a row of footprints on the ground. “Hey, look. Horse-tracks. These are fresh.” 

Joel’s head picked up and he traveled towards Tommy, bending beside him. “Jackson’s that way…” Joel spoke softly, brushing the horse tracks with care and realizing a terrifying fact. He scratched his beard, his body full of tension and pure panic.

“ _ Someone took her. _ ” Tommy breathed, seeing a set of footsteps protruding from the building. They were shallow for a few feet, and then they suddenly grew deeper. “They were carrying her.”  _ She’s unconscious.  _ Joel realized with a shaky breath. He pushed his hands into fists, wanting to punch something.  _ Someone took her. Someone took my baby from me.  _ Joel thought, pushing his eyebrows together in fury. Heat radiated off of him as he went through the list: hunters, raiders… and that was it. That was all he could think of. There was no one in town that hated her to do anything, no one  _ he  _ could think of.  _ Faye, that guard… She did this. She took Ellie.  _ Tommy realized, pacing on the dirt. 

Joel noticed this and he squinted his eyes, taking in Tommy’s every move. “Tommy… what? What do you know?” Joel demanded, standing and looking in Tommy’s eyes. Joel looked for anything and he found guilt in his brother’s eyes. Joel tried to think of one of Ellie’s jokes, he tried to think of anything… but he couldn’t. All he could hear were her potential screams, and whatever could be happening to her while they stood aside. “We do  _ not  _ have time for this, tell me what you know.” 

His brother placed his hand on his mouth, scratching his beard and looking into Joel’s eyes. Joel squinted his eyebrows together, waiting impatiently for Tommy’s answer. “Faye, that guard of yours…” Tommy began to speak, clearing his throat and driving the cowardice from his body. He remembered his own words that he’d given to Ellie:  _ ‘Ellie… she’s dangerous… she could try to take you, or hurt either of you. Joel loves you more… and if she’s dangerous, he’d want you to tell him… Ellie… he’ll find out eventually. Let it be before something happens.’ I could have stopped this. If I told Joel… I could’ve stopped her.  _

_ “What? _ What about her?” Joel asked, shaking his head in confusion and looking into Tommy’s eyes, perplexed.  _ What does Faye have to do with this?  _ Joel asked, remembering the woman he’d fallen for. She was so sympathetic, and told Joel of how she had even lost her own brother recently. They grieved together and they were closer because of that. 

“Joel, she… she’s a firefly… from the Salt Lake division. Ellie didn’t want to tell you ‘cause…” Tommy’s sentence trailed off and soon all of Joel’s hearing was replaced by white noise.  _ What?  _ Was his only thought, and he stuttered, falling onto his behind and landing on the ground. Shock ran through him as he thought of their first kiss.  _ ‘ _ _ He chuckled nervously and suddenly, before Joel could even say anything, Faye pressed her lips against him, kissing him.  _

_ His lips burnt red with a blush and she pulled away, laughing at his taken aback expression. “God, you’re such a country boy.”  _ How? How, how, how? How had he made such a critical mistake? He remembered his thoughts from the previous months he’d come to love Faye…  _ ‘let your guard down, let yourself live, Joel.’  _ Now, every single twitch, every single look of pure fear that he saw on Ellie when Faye appeared made sense.  _ She knew…  _ Joel realized, clasping his hand over his mouth. Tommy watched as the weight of the world seemed to be thrown on his brother. 

_ She knew and she didn’t tell me… and that’s why she’s missing, because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Oh my God… My daughter is missing, taken… because of me. She could be… no… did any part of Faye ever care about me?  _ Joel asked, thinking back to Salt Lake City. For some reason,  _ somehow,  _ -even when he knew that Faye had most certainly, in some way, hurt his daughter- he almost felt guilty when he realized that he had been the one to take Faye’s brother from her. This woman  _ hurt  _ his daughter and somehow, he nearly felt mercy for her. This only made him feel worse. 

Joel had loved her, he felt affection for her, and the entire time… she had wanted to, what…? Murder him? Hurt him? Hurt  _ Ellie _ ? Every odd look he had written off, everything suddenly made so much sense. Then he remembered that night at the dance, with Ellie… now he understood why she was so terrified. That must’ve been the night she found out? Did Faye try to hurt her then?  _ How oblivious was I? How blind could I be?  _ Joel asked himself, growing silent. 

_ I need to find Ellie.  _ He realized, remembering what he had done in Salt Lake. If Faye really was from that division, she must’ve been so mad and enraged with Joel.  _ I need to find Ellie.  _ Joel swallowed, shaking his head and looking up to Tommy, meeting his eyes shamefully. “We need to find her.” Joel croaked, his voice hoarse and his throat dry. 

“Joel-”  
“We need to find her.” He repeated, looking at the set of footsteps and realizing they were indeed Faye’s. Faye knocked _his little girl_ unconscious and carried her away from Joel, her father. Just as those paternal, fatherly feelings began to be uncovered in Joel, Ellie was ripped from him and he had to take out the monster in him to get her back. The ‘papa-bear’ in him drove him closer and closer to desperation and he mounted Shimmer slowly, purpose sucked from his limbs. “Come on… we can track the prints from here.”   
Tommy watched him carefully before nodding, climbing onto his horse and following Joel’s track. Joel felt sick as he followed the trail of horse-prints down the muddy, snowy road. _Ellie… please be okay. Please be alright._ He begged, looking up to the sky and just crying with whatever higher power held the strings… _let my baby be okay, please, God._

\-------------------------------------------------------------

The first thing she smelled was an iron-scent. She soon realized it was blood and as pain dawned down on her, she saw it was her own blood. Her dark hair was still tied into her braid, but the tips of her hairs were decorated in blood and Ellie realized she had a concussion. Her head rang and slowly, she gained the strength to open her eyes. She saw Faye, going through her things. Ellie’s bag was turned upside down and the girl immediately realized all of her ammo and weapons were packed away. Sure enough, her knife was also hidden in Faye’s pocket.  _ Shit.  _

When Ellie looked up, she saw that her wrists and ankles were tied up. Her hands were fastened against a conduit that stuck from the tiled wall and she suddenly had the question:  _ where the hell are we?  _ The only thing she could remember was her own screaming, and Faye slowly suffocating her.  _ Dina, the spores, Faye.  _ All of it came back to her and Ellie’s eyes widened. Faye saw this movement and she snickered sickly, looking down to a photo of Joel and Ellie in the small girl’s bag. “Cute… you and Daddy, huh?” Faye teased, anger and rage palpable in her voice. 

“What do you want?” Ellie asked quietly, her voice slightly slurred due to her concussed state. Faye let out a hard laugh, one that chilled Ellie. It was strange, seeing the woman without her mask: she was like an entirely different person. Ellie realized she was. Fear and terror were running through Ellie’s veins, mostly due to how much she had been building Faye up as this big, bad villain in her mind after discovering the truth. 

“What do I want…?” Faye whispered, placing her hands on her hips and pacing the room. “What do I want?” She asked herself, meeting Ellie’s eyes and moving towards the small girl. Ellie cowered away from Faye’s touch as Faye used her finger to direct Ellie’s head to face her. “Do you see this?” She asked, pulling up her sleeve and exposing her firefly tattoo. Ellie swallowed, unsure of what to do. Was she supposed to play along?  _ Joel’s going to come after me… right? Or does Dina think I’m dead? Did she go for help? Joel must’ve come looking by now.  _ “See, this… these were my people. Like you, and your father.” Faye spoke quickly and barely breathed between words. 

Faye’s hair was messy and pulled back into a long, winding braid. Her striking hair was slightly messy with a drop of Ellie’s blood and Ellie realized that when Faye had first jumped on her, she struck the girl with her pistol. Due to that fact, small drops of blood dripped from Ellie’s hairline. “Your dad, he killed my family,  _ my people…  _ to save you… I don’t see why.” She spat at Ellie’s feet, making the girl shake and feel even weaker. Ellie pushed up against the wall behind her as much as she could, seeing that from outside, the sky began to give way to dusk.  _ Okay, at least an hour she’s had me… Joel’s gotta be on his way by now. And Tommy.  _ “They… were going to make a cure.” Faye rasped, bending down in front of Ellie and once again holding the girl’s jawline with her bloody hand.  _ She chloroformed me.  _ Ellie realized, knowing the familiar scent on her skin.  _ How long has it been since I’ve eaten?  _ Ellie asked herself, feeling her gut tighten. “And he stopped that.” 

Their eyes met and Ellie broke away from it, her breath hitching in pain when Faye forcibly grabbing her arm in its restraints. Ellie remained silent, there was no reasoning with the psychopath, Ellie knew that after more than a year on the road with people similar to Faye. But what scared her was hunters, raiders,  _ David…  _ they were all drawn to madness, drawn by the gluttony and appeal of the craziness of it. But Faye, she was pushed to it against her will. She didn’t used to be like this… her old self would call the new Faye a monster, but she’d do the same for Joel. “My brother… was twenty-five… his birthday’s coming up… he was twenty-five when your father killed him. Put an arrow in his head.” 

Ellie cringed, hearing of the slow torture of the fireflies. She still blamed herself. “I’m sorry-” 

“No, you don’t get to be sorry!” Faye screamed all of a sudden, launching up and pacing the room again, fuming and breathing rapidly. “She needs to pay… they all need to pay.” Faye crazily murmured to herself, turning towards Ellie and ripping one of her arms from the restraints. The rope burned against her skin and she winced, trying to pull it back but Faye shook her head, almost laughing at Ellie’s attempt to defend herself. “Listen to me… you, you are going to come with me… And we, we’re going to find someone who can make a cure.”  _ It can’t have been for nothing, no, no, no.  _ “No matter what it takes, even if they have to cut… that pretty little head of yours open.” Faye sickly spoke, striking Ellie’s head hard and making the girl cry out in pain. “Sh, sh… we want the fun to last as much as we can, right? Don’t want Dad to come, do we?” 

Ellie whimpered as Faye tied her hand back up again, seeing Faye’s insane, crazed person. Ellie was surprised Faye was able to conceal this, she had gone _mad,_ but she seemed perfectly normal before taking Ellie. Well, not normal, but not… this. She spoke like a villain in the comics Ellie read and she watched as Faye made her way towards a large pot of boiling water with charcoal beside it. She had no idea what it was for, but she didn’t want to know. “Please… let me go.” Ellie weeped, tears rolling down her cheeks. “They’re going to find me.” Ellie whispered, her tears spilling into her lips and giving her a salty flavor.   
Faye barked a laugh and she shook her head, meeting Ellie’s eyes. Ellie broke the gaze and she looked down to her own body. There was a small cut on her leg that had produced a few drops of blood onto her jeans. Her body hurt, mostly because of her concussion but also because she hadn’t eaten since the previous night. “Oh, I’m counting on it, little girl.” Her voice was slick and Ellie imagined it as one that would belong to a snake. “I’ve waited… a year. Smiles, hugs… fake. I finally get to have my fun.” _Revenge… I meant revenge._ Faye thought, but all the same, she moved towards Ellie with her own knife. “Who gave this to you?” Faye asked, bending in front of Ellie and pressing the knife to her cheek, signaling for her to speak. 

“M-my mom.” Ellie answered, shivering both from the cold room and Faye’s presence. The small girl realized Faye had taken her jacket and her snow-pants, so she now laid in a t-shirt and dirty, slightly bloody jeans. Her skin was kissed with goosebumps and Ellie’s lips curled down when more tears rolled down her cheeks. “P-please, please, let me go.” Ellie begged, but as her pleading went longer and longer, Faye slowly planted her knife -or Ellie’s- further into the area right above her chest, but below her throat.   
The blade nearly moved an inch in and Ellie screamed in pain, trying desperately to push Faye off. “Yeah… you’ll learn begging won’t do you anything.” Faye replied coldly, suddenly taking the knife from Ellie’s skin and making the girl let out another cold scream of pain. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Joel’s head picked up in absolute terror. Muffled screams… that was what he heard.  _ We’re runnin’ out of time… but we’re close.  _ He only told Shimmer to sprint quicker, but the horse was moving as fast as she could in the approaching, final snow-storm of Winter. “That’s her.” Joel spoke in a hoarse voice and he saw the slow approach of a large building before them. It was one floor and looked like it had been a school, maybe. “C’mon, leave the horses, too noisy.” Tommy nodded, taking the reins of Shimmer and his horse, tying them up outside the entrance. 

Another scream came from inside the building and Joel cringed, scrunching his features together. When he thought of Faye hurting Ellie, it felt like he’d been stabbed. Had he hurt her before this? And Ellie didn’t tell him? Ellie didn’t tell him because she didn’t want him to be hurt… a monstrous amount of guilt rained down on him and he moved towards the front door, beginning to open it. “No, Joel, that ain’t smart, we should find-” Tommy was cut off by another cry, and both of them recognized the voice. “We should find another way in.” 

“I don’t care.” Joel growled, pushing the door open and gaining entrance to the building. Now that the screams weren’t muffled, he could hear the pain in Ellie’s voice and he quickened his pace. It felt like his ears were bleeding and he just begged for it to stop.  _ How could she do this…? How could I not see it?  _ Joel asked himself, thinking of Faye and feeling a sadness settle across his face. When the two brothers turned down a hallway, the cries and panicked breaths grew louder and the origin was a single door. Ellie’s backpack hung on the doorknob and a bloody handprint was on the wooden frame.  _ Ellie.  _ He thought, quietly rushing towards the door and taking Ellie’s bag from the knob. Tommy met his eyes and he nodded:  _ I’ll be right behind you.  _ He spoke with his eyes, and Joel opened the door, instantly feeling a rip tear through him. 

Ellie was tied up at the other side of the room, not even looking alive anymore, though her breaths were very apparent in Joel’s mind. A deep gash was just above her chest and a small trail of blood ran from her hairline. Before he could even think, he ran to her, caressing her cheek with his hand. “Ellie…” He breathed, making her head slowly look up to his. Dry tears were on her face and she tried to make her way to him, but her tied up limbs denied it. “It’s okay, baby girl… it’s okay now.” 

“No…” Ellie whispered, trying to pull herself from Joel’s grip and warn him from the woman approaching from behind. But before she could say anything more, Faye took a heavy textbook from the school’s dirty floor and hit him over the head, making the father render himself unconscious on Ellie’s lap. “No!” Ellie pleaded, now seeing Tommy’s limp, sleeping body beside his brother. “Please, please, don’t hurt them.” Ellie begged, but she learned her lesson from earlier and remained quiet: ‘ _ Yeah… you’ll learn begging won’t do you anything.’  _ Faye slowly dragged Tommy’s body out of the room and then tied Joel on the other side of the room, right in front of Ellie.  _ Please, just let this nightmare end.  _ Ellie begged, struggling against her binds with a fixed face of anger and fear. 

Joel was out cold and Ellie tried to fight to get to him but the rope around her wrists and ankles was too tight and barely allowed her to move. “Oh, don’t worry… I won’t touch him.” Ellie deflated and she sighed in relief: but she was still scared. But with Joel here now, part of her was less scared:  _ we’ll be fine. He’ll wake up and I’ll protect him, and he’ll protect me… like always. We’re going to be fine.  _ She tried to tell herself, but Faye’s person stalking her was unnerving. “You’re coming with me… there has to be some fireflies your father didn’t slaughter.”  _ It can’t all have been for nothing.  _ Faye thought crazily, not noticing how Joel had slowly begun to wake from his slumber. 

He first noticed the absence of Tommy, and then Ellie’s terrified body sitting before him with Faye talking to her coldly. Shock lived in him when he saw the woman and her unmasked form… she was so sympathetic when he told her about Sarah and now, here he was, slowly torturing his daughter in front of him.  _ No.  _ He heard Ellie’s panic breaths and slowly opened his eyes, shuffling up and noticing his hands were now bound as well. “Please…” Ellie begged, turning away from Faye when the woman brushed her cheek. 

“Y’know, you have his eyes.” Faye whispered, remembering her little brother, and when she found his bullet-ridden body in that hospital. Faye turned around, seeing Joel was awake. It was the first time their eyes met since he’d last seen her, and the shock and hurt in his eyes was apparent. Slowly, his eyes left Faye and they moved to Ellie. Her head hung from exhaustion and she could see blood traveling from an open cut on her chest, and a bruise on her head… he realized she probably had a concussion, and he cursed in his head. “Y’know, he wasn’t much older than her when you killed him. Fire… that’s how you killed him. He looked like one of  _ them. _ ” Faye whispered, referring to the Infected. It smelled like the barbecues their family had before the Outbreak when she found her brother. 

Joel was sorry for her loss, and he was sorry the fireflies recruited so young, and he _knew_ that death was on him… but the fireflies were going to kill Ellie, and he protected her… and that, he wasn’t sorry for. “Just let us _go._ ” Joel pleaded, looking into her eyes and struggling against his binds. “I don’t want to hurt you.” She smiled, seeing he was serious and a genuine giggle escaped her lips.   
“You don’t need to worry about that.” She shook her head, bending down in front of Joel and watching him curiously. “No… you took my brother away from me. His birthday… is today, and because of you, he isn’t here.” Faye slapped him, leaving a hard imprint on his skin, but as long as she was leaving Ellie alone for the time being, he was _happy with that._ “Now… you get to live your perfect little life with your perfect little bitch, like you haven’t destroyed hundreds of lives.” Joel grit his teeth at his name for Ellie and he picked his head up, clearing his poster and meeting her eyes with an electric anger. 

“Yeah… yeah, you talk on the high road… you were going to kill her. She was fourteen and you were goin’ to kill to her have a  _ chance  _ for a cure.” Joel snarled, struggling against the ropes and baring his teeth, seeing the cut on Ellie’s chest. She was still awake, but due to her exhaustion and her concussion she was slowly slipping into slumber, which was  _ not  _ good if she was concussed. 

Faye smiled at him, looking to the girl behind them and she shook her head. “No, there’s going to be a cure. I’m taking her, and I’m finding a cure.” 

“Like hell you are.” Joel growled, meeting her eyes with a poisonous hatred, not only because of her betrayal but of course because what he had done to Ellie and what she _planned_ to do to Ellie. Faye shook her head, turning back to Ellie and moving towards the boiling pot of water that laid on the floor beside the teenager’s limp -but still conscious- body. “You’re not taking her anywhere.” He spoke in a low tone, with anger and hurt palpable in his broken voice.   
Faye just ignored Joel, pretending like he wasn’t there. That made him feel so helpless. Ellie’s head slowly picked up and she saw Faye coming towards her. Her legs tried to push herself away but her ankles were tied so it did little to get her away from the monster. Joel watched painfully at her weak attempts to get away and he seethed, looking up towards his binds and trying so desperately to get to Ellie. “C’mere.” Faye whispered, untying one of Ellie’s hands and taking her right arm, exposing her bite mark. 

Ellie cringed, looking away and meeting Joel’s eyes. Her tears welled and they spilled over her cheeks. Joel’s eyebrows furrowed up and he looked to Faye, anger boiling in him. “Get away from her.” Joel spat, seeing Ellie’s terrified figure, devoid of energy or strength. She needed him, and he was sitting before her, watching her in pain. A ringing headache was decorating him and he squinted his eyes, fighting desperately against his binds. “ _Don’t touch her_!” Joel roared, nearly foaming at the mouth.   
But once again, Faye just ignored him, moving towards the pot of water. She took pliers and took something from the pot: Joel realized it was a mold of the firefly symbol and he slowly realized what she was doing, but Ellie didn’t. “Get away!” Joel yelled, shuffling and trying desperately to break the rope but he failed and watched as Ellie tried to do the same, terrified of Faye. _How long was Ellie scared of her?_ Joel asked himself, realizing how her instinct had been correct. _How many times did I bring Faye to the house when Ellie was scared of her…?_ Joel in a way, was torturing her himself. “Don’t go near her!” He roared, watching Faye take Ellie’s arm in her grip and holding it tightly. 

“Listen… look at me.” Faye spoke harshly, raising her hand and threatening to strike Ellie again. Ellie raised her head slowly, looking at Faye with increasingly quick breathing. “This… belongs to me. There’s gotta be someone who can find a cure…” She whispered, shaking her head and looking back in Ellie’s eyes. “So, from now on… consider yourself… property of the fireflies.” 

Joel cringed and slowly, Faye revealed the burning, searing metal to Ellie. Her eyes widened and she tried to pull her arm away, but she had no energy and Faye’s grip on her was tight. “W-wait, please…” Ellie begged, trying to stop the woman but before she could even say anything, Faye pressed the searing hot symbol against Ellie’s arm, imprinting the symbol into her arm. Faye held it there, burning her.  _ ‘Fire… that’s how you killed him…’ _

“No, stop, please!” Joel begged, hearing Ellie’s high-pitched, chastising scream of pain. “Please, I’m begging you, please.” He cried, hearing her pain still continue audibly and he cringed, wishing that Faye would just come to him, and hurt  _ him  _ instead of Ellie. “Please, please.” Joel cried, tears spilling down his cheeks and finally, Faye retreated and let the small, burnt symbol on Ellie’s skin breathe. 

Ellie looked down to her arm and saw the small firefly symbol burned just below her bite on her wrist. It was small, maybe one or two inches in diameter, but she felt dirty now. Faye turned away, tossing the small chip of metal to the floor and looking to Ellie, seeing the destroyed girl. Her head hung and her hair was stringy, wet slightly with sweat and tears. Part of it was still in the original braid, which hung over her shoulder. Tears were spilling down her cheeks and she breathed heavily due to the pain. “Fuck.” She whined, trying to move her arm and help herself before Faye ended up accidentally killing her. _C’mon, c’mon… just… find something. Please… anything._ Ellie begged, looking around her and trying to clear her mind. _Protect us, Ellie._ A pair of scissors had fallen on the side of the tile and Ellie’s eyes widened. She looked to Joel but when he saw the scissors, he shook his head. _No… I can protect us, Joel._ She promised with her gaze and she moved to grab it but before she could, Faye suddenly moved back towards her and she pulled it back before she could see.   
“Come on.” Faye ripped Ellie’s hands from the binds and tore her up from the wall. Her body had been sitting there for at least two hours, exhausted and injured, so she nearly fell when Faye first slewed her up. “Say goodbye to Daddy.” Faye hissed and Ellie met her eyes, seeing what Faye was doing. She was taking her away. 

“Don’t touch her!” Joel hissed, struggling against his the rope burning his hands and kicking, trying to get to Ellie. Ellie moved towards him helplessly, but Faye had a grip on her hand so the small girl just tripped to the ground before Joel. He cringed, his eyebrows furrowing upwards in concern and hurt when he looked at her crumble up into the fetal position.  _ Baby girl…  _ he thought, tears spilling from his cheeks. 

Ellie slowly tried to move to Joel, crawling on the ground but Faye yanked her back by her hair and she let out a small grunt of pain. Joel’s head was ringing and his own blood came from bruises and cuts on his skin. Both of them were in no shape to fight, but Joel would if he had to protect Ellie. “Please, stop…” Ellie begged, but Faye simply yanked her up, making her stand. Ellie let out a small sob, trying to run to Joel but she was too tired. She hadn’t eaten in nearly a day and it felt like she was going to throw up. Ellie was still concussed and moving made her feel dizzy and slurred.   
“Come on.” Ellie screamed as Faye began to tug her out of the room, trying to take the child away from her father. Ellie fought like hell, thrashing desperately to get to Joel. Joel fought as hard as he could to break the rope around his wrists until it almost made his skin bleed. “I said, come!” Faye yelled, pulling her harder and actually managing to get Ellie nearly out of the door. Joel yelled her name but he was deemed powerless and helpless to do anything while his daughter was _literally_ ripped away from him. Faye raised her hand to hit Ellie and the young girl cringed away, trying harder to get to Joel desperately. “I swear to god, you little brat, come-” 

Just as Faye was going to strike Ellie, there was a gunshot and blood dripped down Ellie’s skin. When the small girl looked up, she saw a bullet had gone in and out of Faye’s head. Her eyes widened and in an ungraceful tumble, the now corpse pushed her to the ground. It was quiet and the girl looked into the dead eyes, shuddering.   
Ellie’s panicked breaths were the only sound in the room and before she could think to do anything else, she turned back, scrambling to Joel and hiding in his arms. When Joel looked up, he saw Tommy, holding his rifle in the doorframe and looking at the dead body. Faye wasn’t just another hunter or Infected to Ellie: she was a real, living person that Ellie knew, and her blood was on Ellie’s skin. Her arm was almost steaming from the burn and she simply hid in Joel’s arms, crying softly. Joel stuttered, looking at Faye’s body then to Ellie in his chest. He wished he could wrap his arms around her, but his hands were still binded. _We’re okay._

Ellie was traumatized from being stuck with that  _ monster  _ for almost three hours, and she hid her face in Joel’s neck, making his skin wet with her tears. “It’s alright… it’s alright, baby girl.” He whispered, dipping his head in gratitude for Tommy. His brother nodded, moving towards the body and noticing a firefly dog-tag around Faye’s neck. When he yanked it into his grip, he ready the name:  _ Henry Samson.  _ That must have been her brother’s name. “We’re okay now.” He promised her, stroking her hair, a strict contradict from when Faye had nearly ripped it out with her stark grip. 

Ellie was silent and she let out small weeps as Tommy made his way to Joel. The younger brother cut his binds and instantly, he wrapped his arms around Ellie, hearing her surprisingly quiet crying in his chest. “It’s okay, baby girl.” Ellie tried to turn around to see Faye’s body but Joel shook his head, gently taking her jaw with his finger and directing her head back to him. “No, don’t look, baby, look at me.” He softly spoke, holding Ellie in his chest once again and pressing her head into him, making her take his scent to calm her, even if it didn’t work. 

He didn’t hear her voice, only her hushed weeping: Ellie had no words… her arm felt like a wasp was stinging her in the same place over and over and over, and she was struggling to stay awake due to her concussion. Joel wasn’t in the best shape either: he had a deep bruise on her head and he assumed he was concussed as well, and a deep gash was on his hand. ‘ _ Say goodbye to Daddy.’  _ She was going to take Ellie from him, and that made him shudder even if she was dead on the floor. He felt guilty, for almost mourning her. He was going to kidnap Ellie, and he almost felt  _ guilty.  _ Why? “I know…” Joel whispered, kissing the top of her head and looking at Faye's bloodied body. His movement stuttered for a second but he turned it away, shaking his head. 

_ I need to get her out of here, she can’t be here right now.  _ Joel looked to Tommy and the younger brother nodded, understanding the sentence riddled in Joel’s eyes. “Come on, let’s get outta here, alright?” Joel croaked, looking down at her catatonic figure and holding her tightly. Tommy stayed behind with Faye’s body, knowing someone would have to come and pick her up, even if she deserved for the Infected to have another meal. 

“I’ll catch up.” Tommy murmured to him but he wasn’t listening. He scooped Ellie into his arms after a failed attempt of hers to stand. She hadn’t eaten in a full day and even without that, the entire day exhausted her. Joel looked down to Ellie in her arms but she hid her head in his chest, now silent. Even her crying had quieted, but long, grieving gasps for air still came from her lips with the tears that poured down her cheeks.   
“Hey, Ellie, we… we’re safe now.” He assured her, once again kissing the top of her head and stroking her back gently. “That monster’s gone.” Joel murmured angrily, brushing her hair and moving down the hallowed halls towards Shimmer. _We just need to get home… Ellie needs to feel safe again, if that’s even possible after everything she just had to go through._  
Ellie finally looked up at him as he pushed them out of the doors of the building. She finally breathed in fresh air, air that wasn’t tainted with blood or her tears. “I’m sorry… about… her.” She couldn't even say Faye’s name. _She got killed because of me… Joel must hate me._ Ellie thought shamefully, looking back down and placing her head into Joel’s shirt. It was wet with her tears but he couldn’t find any thought to care, he just simply propelled himself towards Shimmer with Ellie in his arms.   
Joel looked down, furrowing his eyebrows together and looking down to her silent figure. “Ellie, no, I… I’m just glad you’re safe.” He shook his head, entwining his fingers with hers and taking a deep breath, but when he searched for the familiar smell of Ellie, all he was returned with was blood and tears. 

“Can… can we just go home?” She whispered, her voice so quiet that he could barely hear it. Joel nodded, slowly pushing her onto Shimmer and climbing on aboard after her. He wrapped his hands around her and she fell back into him, wanting to fall asleep.   
“Hey, hey… stay awake, alright…? You have a concussion, it ain’t good to fall asleep.” Ellie nodded, not really listening to him. It was warmer out, the snow had nearly all melted and the dead and fallen leaves were exposed on the dirty streets. “It’s okay now.” He repeated, thinking of Faye’s dead eyes staring into him. Even though she was a monster, even though he hated her, some part of him felt sick at her death. It showed how Ellie had made summer come for him, when his cold emotions were frozen in Winter. If this had happened a few years ago, he wouldn’t even flinch at her death and he’d just keep going, but now he had something he’d never felt before: mercy. 

Ellie looked down to the burn on her arm and she fingered the firefly symbol, her lips pouting out and more tears strolling down her cheeks with each second.  _ ‘This belongs to me. There’s gotta be someone who can find a cure… So, from now on… consider yourself… property of the fireflies.’ _ On the ride back, Ellie was silent. Tears still split her cheeks in two, magnifying her freckles. Joel kept his arms around her, holding her close to him until finally, they approached the wall. Joel pictured Faye up there, her charming smile and her beautiful golden hair… her silver eyes with dark emeralds in them.  _ It was all fake… she was a fuckin’ monster. I shouldn’t be doing this… I shouldn’t be sad about her.  _

Joel considered dropping her off at the house so that her friends didn’t have to face her friends like this, but Joel didn’t plan on leaving her alone, not after such a close call. “They shouldn’t be gone this long if nothing’s wrong.” Dina admitted, pacing the halls of the ranch and breathing quickly. Tears were spilling down her cheeks and she squeezed her hands into fists. “I saw her breathe them in.” Dina croaked, seeing Jesse’s destroyed face. His legs were tucked into his arms and he nestled his head atop it. “I saw them go into her mouth, she… she has to be…”  
Jesse shook his head, turning his head down and burying it in his knees. “Yeah, I… yeah.” Jesse nodded, his broken voice muffled. Dina hadn’t seen him cry in so long, but actual tears were shuffling down the boy’s cheeks. Normally, he’d try to comfort Dina, or say that Ellie had to be alive… but there was no way. _If Dina saw her breathe in spores… everyone turns in an hour. It’s been three._ “Maybe…” Jesse shook his head. Whatever positive ‘what-if’ Jesse was trying to come up with was cut off. 

But suddenly, the trots of horse-shoes emerged and rang through his ears.  _ Tommy and Joel are the only ones out.  _ Jesse remembered and his head shot up. “That’s them.” Dina breathed, sprinting towards the doors of the ranch and looking through the gaps in the wood. “That’s her… s-she would’ve turned by now… she had to have turned by now, how has she not turned by now?” Dina rambled, remembering the very abrupt image of Dina breathing in the spores. Jesse shook his head in disbelief, but Ellie clearly wasn’t okay. “What… what happened to them?” 

Jesse’s eyebrows threaded upwards and he shook his head, not knowing the answers. “I… I don’t know.” He exhaled, taking Dina’s hand, but for the first time, the girl took it back and held it close to her chest. Ellie looked physically terrible, and so did Joel. Both of them had blood splattering their cheeks and a deep gash was on Ellie’s chest. Her jacket was nowhere to be seen and she held her arm close to her chest. “Something… something’s wrong.” 

“Yeah, no shit.” Dina replied, wanting to go out and run to Ellie but Jesse shook his head, keeping her in the confines of the barn. “Jesse-”   
“Look at her face: she could have just gone through hell, now _isn’t_ the time. Just… let her dad handle it.” Jesse whispered, shaking his head but keeping his eyes trained on Ellie through the cracks of the wood. As much as Dina wanted to argue, to scream against Jesse’s logic, some part of her knew he was right. “We shouldn’t go right now… remember what Tommy said?” Dina nodded, remembering Tommy’s harsh advice at the dam. _‘Let Joel handle it.’_

“C’mon, baby girl.” Joel whispered, taking Ellie’s hand and leading her towards the dark green house that had become their home. But when Ellie nearly fell to the concrete due to exhaustion, he caught her and nearly tumbled with her. Her usual jokes or smiles were non-existent and she was just a tired, broken lump. “Alright, we’re okay.” He murmured, scooping her up in his arms and twisting the door-knob open. 

Ellie looked up, searching for any sort of anger in his eye:  _ does he hate me for Faye’s death?  _ She asked herself, but she didn’t want to know the answer to her question. “We’re home…?” Ellie asked quietly and he tried to smile weakly, somehow succeeding. 

Joel pulled her close, kissing the top of her head and nodding. “We’re home.” He repeated, slowly moving towards the couch and bending down, placing her on the cushions. “Come here.” He whispered, pulling her into his arms on the couch while he bent in front of her on the floor. But for the first time in a long time, she heard him crying. He was _crying._ Maybe it was from terror, or relief, he didn’t know… it was too close. If Tommy had woken up just a moment later, Ellie would be gone: taken, _kidnapped._ She would have been taken from him and Faye would have eventually murdered her. It was too close to losing another daughter and he was scared.   
“Joel…” She whispered, looking up at him with her own tears in her eyes. “Dad…” She murmured, and that made him look up. _You need to be strong for her right now, get over it._ Joel argued in his brain, meeting her eyes and wiping her tears. 

He sniffled, just driving her into the safety of his arms once again. “I’m sorry… here, lay down.” He ordered softly, gently pushing her down to the couch and seeing the large gash beside her collarbone and the bruise hidden in her hair. And then, of course, the burn on her wrist. “We’re safe now.” He swore to her, trying to manage a weak smile with his shining eyes as he looked down to her injured body. Ellie was quiet, her tears plagued her skin and she just longed to stay in his arms.   
“I’m sorry for going out… you said I wasn’t supposed to.” When Ellie sat up for him to fix the deep gash of the knife on her chest, she saw her mask laying on the countertop. _If I just took the fucking mask, maybe we could’ve gotten back before she was able to take me. If I wasn’t so fucking weak, she wouldn’t have been able to._ “If I just listened to you, I… I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you… you just looked so happy, and I… I couldn’t.” Ellie cried softly, looking up at him with big, sad eyes. He felt part of him die and he framed her cheeks with his big, course hands. 

Joel shook his head, looking deep into her eyes and favoring every single one of the emerald specks and bright highlights. “Ellie… it’s not your fault. I know why you didn’t tell me.” He promised her, seeing the tension in her body loosen just a little bit. “I’m just glad you’re safe, and you’re right here with me.” His voice was that of gravel, and it was like he could feel the tiny small rocks pouring down his throat and rendering him immobile. “I love you.” 

Ellie’s lips puffed out at that and she suddenly began crying again, hiding in Joel’s arms but eventually, he pried her out, giving her an empathetic look of pain. “I know… just let me fix you up, okay?” He asked her for permission and she gave it with her gaze, slowly nodding. Joel left for just a second, just to retrieve medical supplies.  _ I’m okay.  _ Ellie tried to tell herself, somehow keeping her breath steady and her tears at the same rate. Finally, he returned from the bathroom with supplies, his footsteps sending a calm rhythm into her head. “I’m back.” He announced to her gently, almost like she was momentarily blind. 

He wrapped a blanket around her, covering her chest but since her t-shirt covered her wound slightly, he needed to take it off, hence the blanket covering her. Joel asked her for permission with his gaze and Ellie looked down for a moment, before finally nodding. He raised her arms, pulling her shirt over her head, but the blanket still covered her while revealing her wound. “It’s just me.” He assured her, brushing loose, sweaty strands of hair behind her ears.   
“I know…” She responded quietly, wincing as he brushed the wound with a wet rag, cleaning it. Her breath hitched in pain and he cringed, wanting to take any and all of her pain and place it on her shoulders. “Are… will they bury her?” Ellie asked and Joel’s head picked up from her wound, seeing her emotionless, damp face. 

Joel shrugged, knowing what he wanted the answer to be. _I hope not… but part of me does… Why am I feeling mercy for her?_ “I… I don’t know.” He answered, seeing that she was actually making an attempt to talk to him, which contradicted her reaction to Winter and Chase. “Tommy will deal with it.” He answered shortly, pressing the rag to the cut and applying pressure, slowing the bleeding, but trickles of shirley, red liquid still dripped from the shard of broken skin. “Alright, I gotta sew this…” He told her, threading a small needle and slowly pushing the needle into the skin beside her cut. He matched it with the skin apart, effectively slowing the bleeding. Her breath hitched once again and shelet out a small whimper of pain. “I know… I’m sorry.” He winced, applying another stitch and finally being able to cut the soft string. “There, all done.” He finally told her, brushing her hair back with his hands and giving her a painful smile.   
“She wasn’t that different from us…” Ellie suddenly spoke, looking up into his eyes with a painful expression. His features twisted in pain and he cringed, thinking of comparing that animal to his daughter and turning the thought away. 

“Ellie…” 

“It’s true. She only attacked us because we hurt her… if someone hurt me… wouldn’t you do the same thing? I would.” She whispered softly, her voice hoarse and her hands curling into fists and releasing when Joel gently took her arm. The metal that Faye had pressed into her skin made a dark imprint on Ellie’s wrist and she was now marked with the firefly symbol like she was an object. Joel brushed the skin slightly and Ellie grunted in pain, taking her wrist from his grip and holding it close to her. “Fuck.” 

He sadly took her hand once again and took the same, cold rag from earlier. Joel recalled her high-pitched, deafening stream from when Faye had first tortured her with the symbol. “I know, we’re almost done. Let me just wash this.” He pleaded and Ellie slowly nodded, washing him bathe her wrist with the rag and cool down the skin. It burned and another tear lept from her eyes, falling onto her own arm. ‘ _ From now on… you’re property of the Fireflies.’ She was so close. She was so close to taking my baby girl… if Tommy woke up a second later… stop. Stop thinking about it.  _ Joel ordered himself, shaking his head and bandaging the burnt skin, making sure the bind wasn’t too tight or too loose. 

“Are we done now…? I’m tired.” 

“I know… let me just fix this up, then we’ll be done, I promise. I swear.” He whispered, gesturing to the blood in her hair where Faye had first struck Ellie: the origin of her concussion. He brushed her hair out with his hands, straightening the knots and making the cut visible. He put pressure to the cut, stopping the bleeding, but she’d have to take it easy and let her body rest.  _ Dina…  _ Ellie remembered, her eyes widening and she looked back to the front door of the house suddenly, trying to get up. “Hey, hey.” Joel stopped her from moving, placing his hands on her shoulders and keeping her imprisoned on the couch. 

Ellie looked back again, able to see the ranch from the windows. “Dina, she… she saw me, with the spores, she’s scared, I need to talk to her-” 

“Ellie, you need to rest. I can go talk to your friends, or they can visit, but your body needs time to heal… have you eaten?” Joel asked and Ellie shakily replied ‘no,’ watching her father quickly get up towards the fridge and return with a small sandwich.   
Her hands reached for it and she crazily devoured the food, having it gone in less than a minute. Her stomach felt like an entity was clawing its way out of it and it hurt like hell. “There you go…” He whispered, dry tears on his skin that traveled down into the short hairs of his beard. He laid beside her on the couch and suddenly, she dove into his arms, terrified to every cell in her body. 

In her constant terror and fear of Faye, with each day that she didn’t tell Joel, the more scared she grew of the woman. So, when the guard finally attacked… Ellie had never screamed so much. “Did… do you still love her?” Ellie asked him, looking up into Joel’s eyes after he gently tucked her in with a throw blanket, making her feel warmer. “After… everything?” She described the terror of the day in that word, even though both of them knew it did absolutely no justice. 

“No… you’re all I need, my baby girl.” He kissed her forehead and he felt her skin tingle under the touch. “I love you.” Ellie sniffled, wiping her eyes and trying to exterminate the dry, bloody tears from her cheeks. Her freckles were clouded by drops of Faye’s and her own blood that muddied her young skin after the day’s events. “I’m never letting anyone touch you ever again.” He swore, noticing her quietness, when she would usually utter the same phrase to him.  _ My baby girl…  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, there's going to be another episode after this one, and that SHOULD be the finale, i'm unsure. it'll be the same as last season, i'll make another work, that one will be a bit shorter. mainly for requests from you guys, and some little things to build up the relationships before i write part 2, because that will definitely be the longest since the game is so much meatier than the first or this season. okay, i'll talk more about it next time, i'm super tired haha. know this chapter got a bit dark. there should be an update in 2-3 days since tomorrow is of course christmas eve, so i will be a bit busier. anyway, have a happy holidays, loves! <3


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel has one final surprise for Ellie.

_Maybe there is someone out there who can still make a cure…_ Ellie thought, looking down on the symbol of the firefly on her wrist. _Not that Joel would take me, after Salt Lake and… and…_ she wasn’t able to say Faye’s name. Whenever she did she’d be able to see her eyes, her dead eyes staring back at her after the woman had been shot. Ellie didn’t even think about when Tommy had shot her: _Tommy killed someone to protect me._ Ellie realized, recalling those first moments when Faye’s body tumbled on her. 

_She heard Tommy calling her name afterwards, and she heard Joel calling her name, and everyone was calling for her but she couldn’t move. Blood moved onto her skin and she felt the frostbite on her become violent, burning her and charring her skin. Ellie couldn’t even think of anything else, she just pushed the weight off of her and ran to Joel. She could barely walk and she tumbled onto him. Her legs were pulled onto his chest and her arms wrapped around his neck. Ellie breathed in the smell of coffee, and desperation: terror. Joel was scared, he was terrified, Ellie could see it in the way his body was scrunched up. Her own crying: that was what she heard, like a ringing in her ears. Joel’s body moved towards her but his arms were still binded. Ellie heard footsteps, and then Joel’s arms were around her, and… in a second, it felt like everything was a thousand times worse but a thousand times better all at once._ _  
_“Hey…” Joel brushed her hand slightly, brushing her soaking skin. She was dressed in a bathing suit and he was slowly soaking the blood from her skin. It had been a few hours and Joel somehow convinced her to wash Faye’s -and her own- blood off of her. “Hey.” He repeated, breaking her grip from the burn on her arm and nudging her chin with his finger. “You with me?” He asked, giving her a weak smile and almost failing.

Ellie looked down at the water of the bath, seeing the blood on her skin begin to fade away into the water. Her eyes traveled back down towards the scar once again before Joel gently brushed her skin, pulling her back to reality. “Always.” Ellie managed a smile and she felt a little lighter because of it. “Hey, do you… do you think she was telling the truth?” Ellie asked, tilting her head and looking up to Joel, her tears not on her face anymore. She wiped them and tried to smile. “About there being more out there…? Do you think, maybe… maybe someone out there would be able to make a cure?”

Joel shuffled on the exterior of the bath and he looked into her eyes, diverting his eyes away from her. “Maybe… maybe they’d be able to find another way, someway that they wouldn’t have to kill me. Maybe take it from my arm, or, or…” Ellie’s voice wavered and she shook her head, burying her head in her knees. Joel frowned with tragedy written on his face and he took Ellie’s hand, kissing her forehead. 

“Listen to me: it ain’t your fault there’s no cure… okay, that’s on me. That’s me…” He admitted, pulling back from her and looking in her eyes, letting a small tear split his cheeks in two. He was so terrified the day after… anything that moved, he instantly looked to Ellie to make sure she was still there. _I shouldn’t have let her go on patrol._ “Alright… c’mon, let’s get you outta here.” He murmured softly, getting a towel from the cabinet and wrapping it around Ellie after she stood. Joel slowly led her out of the bathroom towards her room, getting her dry clothes and kissing her head. “Alright, I’m right outside.” He promised, knowing she didn’t like him leaving after what Faye did. Ellie nodded, watching him gently shut the door and leave her alone momentarily.   
Joel leaned against the wall opposite Ellie’s door, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath. _Jesus._ He thought, priding himself on the fact that Ellie somewhat seemed better than when they’d first escaped that _fucking school._ Ellie was silent the entire day and she was laggard in most of her movements. Joel tried to get her to stay off of her feet, she was still concussed and her body needed to rest. “Alright… done.” Ellie slowly emerged from the room in dry pajamas and Joel managed a painful smile, taking her hand again. “I’m tired.” 

“Alright… c’mon, let’s get you some sleep.” When he said that final word, she looked up at him with a fearful face. His features scrunched together and he cringed, gently pressing his arm around her and holding her close. 

“I… I don’t want to sleep.”   
“Ellie, you have a concussion, you need-” 

“Please… can we do something else?” Ellie pleaded softly, looking into his eyes with big ‘deer-in-headlights’ eyes, pouting her lip. “Just… anything?” Joel sighed, nodding and scooping her into his arms. He took them down the steps, holding her close to him and making sure that she felt his presence. “Thank you.” Ellie murmured, but she wasn’t sure what she was referring to. “You saved me, if… if you weren’t there, I would’ve-” 

“Well, we don’t need to worry about that. I got there and you’re right here, in my arms, where you belong.” He smiled painfully down at her, kissing the top of her forehead gently and pressing her down onto the couch gently. “Alright, I got somethin’, stay right here.” Ellie pulled a small blanket onto herself, warming her body up after the bath. When Joel returned with a simple sheet of paper and pens, she looked up to him with a confused grin. “Here… since I’m teachin’ you guitar… think it’s only fair you return the favor with your… drawing.” Joel didn’t actually want to learn how to draw, but he knew Ellie’s passion for it and he only hoped that it’d cheer her up a little bit. 

And surprisingly, she laughed, leaning into him and taking the pencil. “Alright… well… let’s go over the basics…” And so, the evening went by and Joel stayed right next to her, supplying her with terrible drawings, but he’d do that for eternity if it made her feel a little more free after the terror the previous day.   
Finally, there was a knock on the door and Ellie’s head shot up. Her hand took the knife in her back pocket and she switched the blade out, looking towards the door. Joel sighed, gently pushing the blade back into the case and kissing the top of her head. “We’re safe here now.” He assured her, dipping his head to convince her. She sighed, pushing her lips to one side and looking in his eyes. 

“I know… just need a little time.” She smiled sadly, leaning her head into the crook of his neck before he went to answer the door. _Yeah…_ Ellie thought when she saw Dina’s face beyond the door frame. Dialogue traveled in white noise through her ears and she heard Joel slowly traveling up the steps. Suddenly, someone took her in their arms and before she could even look down, Dina was hiding in Ellie’s arms. “Dina…” Ellie whispered , burying her head in Dina’s hair and taking a deep breath and smelling strawberries. 

Slowly, she pulled away, tears spilling down her cheeks and a terrified expression riddled in her features. “I-I thought you were dead, how are you not dead…? I saw you breathe in the spores, I, I saw-” 

“Hey, hey. I’m fine, okay? I’m alive.” Ellie assured her, giving Dina a weak smile and looking into her eyes. Dina shook her head, looking Ellie up and down and expecting to see her veins tainted with infection, or clammy skin. 

“H-how…?” Dina stuttered, waiting impatiently for Ellie’s answer. _I need to tell her now._ Ellie realized, looking down at her covered bite, then up to the second floor, thinking of what Joel would say. _But… will Joel be mad?_ She asked herself, finally deciding: _I need to make my own decisions. I’m grown up now… Joel knows what’s best for me, but not on this._ Ellie chose to pull her shirt sleeve up, but her bandage still covered her bite. Slowly she unwrapped it and Dina’s breath shuddered looking at the bite. “Ellie…” 

Ellie looked up, taking a deep breath and momentarily shutting her eyes. “When I was fourteen, my friend and I were bitten… when we were sneaking out.” Ellie remembered Riley and she shook her head, boring her eyes into the burnt bite. The firefly symbol was still bandaged slightly above her hand, and Ellie wasn’t ready to show that, not yet. “And she died… and I didn’t. Dina, I… I’m immune.” Dina froze and she looked down at the bite, inspecting it under the burn that Ellie had given herself. “Marlene, she… she found me and she was going to take me to the fireflies. But she got hurt, and… and Joel took me. That was how we met.” 

“Ellie, I… you…” Dina didn’t know how to speak and she simply kept her eyes on the bite. Ellie cringed, thinking her bite was the ugliest part about her: that’s why she tried to burn it off. “I don’t understand…” 

“When we got to the fireflies, they…” Ellie breathed, continuing with her story and remembering when they’d gotten to Salt Lake: the day before Joel stole her away from the monsters. “They were going to make a cure… from my bite.” Ellie croaked, meeting Dina’s eyes and seeing both her fascination, and her _fear._ She feared that Ellie’s immunity would stop working, and that she’d die, or she’d try to kill Dina. “But, to do it, they had… they were going…” Ellie exhaled deeply, pinching her sinuses and shutting her eyes. “They had to kill me… take the fungus from my brain and reverse-engineer it into a vaccine. But Joel… he killed all of them, so they couldn’t.” 

Dina was silent, not knowing what to say. “Yesterday… that guard, Faye… she was a firefly, in the division that was going to… make the cure from me. Joel killed her brother…” Ellie whispered, tears building in her eyes as she finally looked to Dina, seeing the girl’s painful expression. “She… she came after us, and she was trying to… to take me so someone could make a cure again.” 

“Oh… Ellie.” Dina whispered, wrapping her hands around Ellie and letting the girl silently mourn in her arms. “I’m so sorry for leaving… maybe, maybe if I stayed there, I would’ve seen-” 

“Dina, stop talking.” Ellie pleaded, hiding in Dina’s arms and just feeling her arms around her. Before Dina could say anything more, Ellie suddenly kissed her, their tears falling onto each other’s faces. Dina slowly pushed back, kissing her and then sliding down, hiding her face in the crook of Ellie’s neck. “Please… just… stay here with me?” Ellie asked, looking down to Dina and her arms around the girl. 

Dina nodded, switching positions and taking Ellie in her arms, swarming her with her strawberry scent and making her feel safe, even if it was nearly impossible. “Of course.” Dina whispered, combing out Ellie’s hair and making it soft. Dina smiled when she realized -after around twenty or so minutes of them just sitting there- Ellie had fallen asleep in her arms. Dina looked down at Ellie’s wrist, tilting her head at the bite.   
It felt strange, looking at the bite… Dina remembered when her sister had been bitten, and the boys who’d killed her. _Talia…_ Dina remembered her name, and whenever her sister would insist she’d come and pray, or read another myth about some God that Dina was supposed to believe in. _“Please! Please, stop, we can just leave, just… Tyler, put the gun down, please.” Dina begged, looking down the barrel of a gun and protecting her older sister with her own, tiny body. Dina was only nine or ten, but she knew well enough what being bit meant, and the bite on Talia’s neck frightened her. “Please.” Her high voice whispered and she looked at the young man holding the rifle._

_“This is for the best.” He spoke, looking to a man behind him. The man moved towards Dina and before the child could do anything, she was being taken away from her sister. Dina screamed and screeched, thrashing her limbs and fighting as hard as she could._

_“NO_ ! _Let me go!” Dina roared, but against the grown men carrying her, she had no chance. Tears rolled down Dina’s cheeks and she looked back to her teenage sister. Her hand was on her neck and she was on her knees. “_ Talia _!” Dina screamed, somehow slipping out of the men’s grip and running back towards her sister. “Hey, hey… c’mon, we gotta go, okay? Like you said, we gotta keep moving, come on. Please.” Dina begged her, framing her sister’s face but she only found irises the color of gray-water. “Talia, we need to keep moving, just keep moving, alright?”_

_Talia looked up and she looked down at her wrist, taking her bracelet off of her wrist and weakly slipping it across Dina’s. “Listen to me… okay, listen to me, for once in your life.” Talia begged, looking into her little sister’s eyes and giving the young girl a weak smile. “Listen… you never go alone, alright? You find someone, and you stick with them. I don’t want you on your own, I’m keeping my promise to Mom.” Dina shook her head, starting to make words but her sister shushed her. “No, listen… we don’t have a lot of time. Look… this means protection, alright…? You keep it on, you keep it on and you stay safe for me. For me, okay?”_

_“O-okay.” Dina whispered, fastening the bracelet around her wrist and holding it close to her. She heard the men cock their rifles behind the sisters and she cringed, fear pounding in her. “I… I don’t want you to leave.”_

_Talia shook her head, caressing Dina’s cheek and holding her sister in her arms. “No, I’m not leaving. I’m going up to heaven, with Mom and Dad, okay? I’ll always be right here.” Talia placed her hand on Dina’s heart and looked into her sister’s eyes. Deep breathing emerged from Talia and there were almost growl-like noises emerging from her diaphragm, she was clearly trying to suppress them. “Okay, go with them, just for now. I’ll always be right here.”_

_“No, I’m not leaving you.” Dina assured her but for the first time in a long time, Talia cursed under her breath, looking into Dina’s eyes. Dina whimpered, trying to hug Talia again but her sister didn’t allow it._

_“No, you need to survive. For me, for Mom, survive, okay? Promise me, you need to promise me.” Talia scolded her, looking into Dina’s amber eyes and squinting her own, pulling a shaky nod from Dina. “Okay… go with them, Dina, I’ll be right behind you. I… I love you.” She hadn’t said that in a while. Talia always surrounded her focus on keeping Dina alive after their parents’ deaths, so now, it was strange to hear that from her. “I love you.” She repeated, brushing Dina’s hair behind her ears and kissing Dina’s head gently. “Go with them.” Talia ordered, turning Dina around and nearly pushing her towards the men who’d first grabbed her. “I love you.”_

_When Dina tried to retreat towards her sister once again, she heard a gunshot._ The bite on Ellie’s arm perplexed Dina, but she didn’t care. She didn’t care about the reasoning or the science behind Ellie’s immunity, she just knew she favored whatever God allowed it. “Y’know, um… she really likes you.” When Dina looked up, she saw Joel with a cup of coffee, looking at the two of them. “Thank you, for, uh… for gettin’ her to sleep.” _  
_Dina nodded, looking down to Ellie and gently laying a blanket across her. But still, she kept her hand on Ellie’s, certifying her presence to the small girl. _‘Listen… you never go alone, alright? You find someone, and you stick with them.’_ “Yeah, no, I… just glad Ellie’s okay.” Dina whispered, smiling slightly when she saw a small blush of Ellie’s cheeks at Dina’s touch, even when she was unconscious. 

“Thank you… for takin’ her in, I mean. She doesn’t do… people… very well.” Dina smiled, seeing the man’s awkward conversation but noticing the genuine intention behind it. _‘Dear Dad… Let's see... you're never around, you hate the music I'm into, you practically despise the movies I like, and yet somehow you still manage to be the best dad every year. How do you do that? Happy Birthday, pops! Sarah.’ Yeah, I know… I’m trying, baby._ Joel thought, looking to Dina and then turning back towards the coffee maker, fabricating more because of his empty mug. 

“Yeah, I don’t think anyone really does ‘people’ well now.” Joel chuckled, nodding his head and slowly pouring milk and sugar into his mug. He spun a utensil in the compound, mixing it and taking a small sip of the hot liquid. _Should I say I’m sorry for his loss?_ Dina asked, seeing the layer of grief on Joel’s face when he thought of Faye. He felt guilty for mourning her: _I shouldn’t do this. She hurt her… she tortured my daughter and I’m feeling bad for her._

“You live in a QZ before this?” Joel asked, eyeing Dina subtly and looking into the fridge, wanting food for Ellie when she eventually woke up. Dina sighed, remembering her origins and turning the memories away. _I keep moving. I keep going on._ She quoted her sister, remembering the girl’s beautiful face. Her sister was always so pretty, and Dina was her weird, embarrassing sister that she tried to hide, to get boys, or to charm her way into a settlement. 

Talia taught Dina to be strong, and that was why Dina loved her sister so much. “No, my sister and I came from Washington.” Joel nodded, busying himself with small tasks to make the conversation less awkward.   
“Well, just… thank you.” Joel gave the girl a weak smile and she warmly returned the gesture. Joel looked to Ellie’s sleeping figure and seemed happier. But, Dina realized that he wanted his own space with Ellie and nodded, slowly standing as to not wake Ellie. 

“Okay, well… I should get going. Someone’s gotta pick up the horse shit.” Joel chuckled, waving her goodbye and watching the girl slowly exit the house, leaving the sleeping Ellie behind. Joel slowly made his way towards Ellie, sitting beside the girl on the couch. Her letter and photo was on the mantle of the fireplace, as Joel had somehow fixed it for her, despite the dozens of pieces they were torn into. It didn’t look _amazing,_ but Ellie graciously thanked him for the effort. 

Her breathing was quick, and so, he pulled her into his arms, surrounding her with him and resting his head atop hers. He kissed her forehead lovingly, brushing her back gently and slowly soothing her. Her breaths became slow and rested. _We’re safe now._ He looked down at his hands, remembering Faye. Joel felt guilty for mourning her, it felt like he was entertaining what she’d done to Ellie by feeling mercy for her. Years ago, he wouldn’t know what the word ‘mercy’ meant… but Ellie changed that. Ellie melted his shields and now, he’d have to do the same for her. She was so defensive after everything she’d been through and the little, strong girl he’d known in Summer was buried underneath her trauma. With Winter’s end, she had at least recovered from that, and before Faye’s attack, her smiles and jokes had returned… but then it all happened, and she was back. But… something about this time was different. 

Ellie was listening to Joel: ‘ _We do everything together… alright? You can tell me anything… and you talk to me… okay…?’_ Joel remembered his words when he first discovered what Ellie had done to her bite. Ever since that night, he always made sure she talked to him… Ellie had a problem with putting the world on her shoulders, and Joel actually succeeded in qualming that flaw. He prided himself on somewhat loosening Ellie’s barriers… he just wanted that sunny day where everything would be alright, and both of them could just be a father and a daughter, like it was before the end of the world. Ellie sometimes shared her fears with Joel, regarding the apocalypse. _‘Well, there were ages in history, right? Like… um, the dinosaur age, and… some other ages. Well, maybe this is like an age. And the next age will be… an age without Infected.’_

Ellie tried to have an optimistic view, even if it went against everything Marlene had raised her with. The young girl tried to believe that the same, cosmic mistake that had happened to her would happen to some other kid… Joel said there were other immunes, and that was a lie… but maybe it wouldn’t be in a few years. Maybe the universe would allow for a chance to hope, and the new generation would end the infection. 

Joel slowly stood, moving towards the cabinet and taking hot cocoa powder from the cupboard. Ellie had grown a fond addiction to it and Joel found it so adorable. But, it also calmed her down, as chocolate would do for most children, so he slowly made a cup of the stuff and set it in on the coffee table laid before Ellie. He had to do something, to get her out of the house. Thankfully, her thoughts weren’t as vicious and possessive as they had been during the second run of Winter, and she really _did_ recover from what David did, but Joel still wished to do something nice for her… and he had an idea.   
He remembered Tommy telling him about a new addition to Jackson, one he knew Ellie would love. But still, Joel stayed right beside Ellie as he slept, gently drawing circles on her back and kissing her cheek lovingly. Sometimes, he felt that same terror that he held in his chest when he’d woken up after Faye struck him unconscious. He remembered Ellie’s screams of pain and shut his eyes, shaking his head. _Stop… stop thinking about it._ Joel ordered himself, but the thought of Ellie writhing in pain as Faye burned her would be a permanent image in his mind. _‘Please… don’t.’_ He remembered her pleads of pain and the terrible faces that she made when she begged for Joel to do something. But he didn’t: Tommy was the one who had to save her, because Joel failed his daughter… for a second time.   
He kept going over that horrifying second in his head: it was too close… it was too close. He repeated that same sentence in his head with each passing second, thinking of the moments leading up to Faye taking Ellie awake. He replayed every second in his head… Faye unbinding Ellie, Ellie tumbling to the floor from her injuries… Faye pulling her by her hair while Joel screamed his daughter’s name, and then finally… Ellie running to Joel after Tommy had shot Faye… _why am I sorry? She wanted to kill Ellie… why do I feel sorry for her?_

Before he could even do anything, Ellie’s breathing suddenly became rapid and he noticed a thin layer of sweat dressing her skin. _Oh, baby girl._ He thought, releasing her and slowly brushing her hair back. He wiped her skin, clearing the subtle beads of sweat and kissing her forehead, trying to calm her. Surprisingly, it worked, and her body slowly relaxed. “It’s okay. I’m right here.” He whispered in her ear, making her body go back to its sleeping position, when before, her spine was straight and her muscles were clenched. _I should make us a bag before I take her._ Joel remembered his surprise and he left her favorite plush in his place while he went to make food for the day. Joel had gotten her a little blue dog and she named it Blue. Joel teased her for such a simple name. It was almost comedical how one day, she could be slitting a man’s throat and the next, she would be snuggling her stuffed dog and watching movies with her father. Joel was just glad she still had the ability to be a kid after everything they’d been through. 

It was a fight between them, Joel trying to teach Ellie how to be a kid again after, one, Winter and, two, Marlene. Growing up with Marlene was… tough. Ellie was never allowed to draw with crayons, or play dress up like any other ten-year old. She was taught how to use a knife and how to load a gun. Joel reversed that effect: he told her about things Sarah and him would use to do. Sarah and him would ride horses, and he’d built her a playhouse when she was in her tweens. Ellie was too old for that, but talking about those sweet moments between Joel and his first daughter was nice, mostly because now, she knew that love he held for Sarah was shared with her. 

Sometimes Ellie talked to Sarah, like she did with her mother, or Riley… or Sam. Mostly, she thanked her. She thanked Sarah for bringing Joel to her. Without Joel… well, Ellie couldn’t know what life would be like, a world without Joel was just unimaginable… and she didn’t want to imagine it. But finally, as Joel was packing their bags with food, Ellie awoke with a small hitch of her breath. “Mornin’.” Joel smiled at her and she nodded, tying her hair back. 

_Peaceful sleep._ Ellie thought sarcastically, wiping her eyes and taking a deep breath. She heard Joel moving around as she recovered from the slumber, and realized Dina’s absence. _How long have I been out_? She asked herself, fixing her messy hair and yawning deeply. “What is all that?” Ellie asked with exhaustion riddled in her face. It was the first time she’d slept since the attack, and her body desperately needed it because of her injuries. Ellie still had a nasty concussion hidden in her messy locks of hair, the cut on both her ankle and her chest, and of course, the burn on her wrist… but that one wouldn’t be going away soon.   
“You’ll see.” Joel smirked, zipping up his back-pack with food for the day. Ellie raised an eyebrow, smiling sheepishly and slowly getting up. Joel quickly got over, settling her back down and tucking her in again. “Uh uh, you shouldn’t be gettin’ up so soon. Don’t want you tumblin’ to the floor.” Ellie rolled her eyes, but nodded. She looked down at the burn on her wrist and eventually pulled her sleeve, not wanting to think about it for a little bit. “Alright… I got a surprise for you.” He announced. 

Ellie squinted her eyes at how proud he looks: _yeah, you look reallllll proud of yourself, you old goober._ Ellie teased, stretching her arms and laying down on the couch. She held her plushie close to her and closed her eyes again, letting out an adorable -in Joel’s opinion- yawn and smiling up at Joel. “Yeah, so from your past surprise: it could be some sort of food, or an actual bomb.” Joel laughed and shook his head, putting his hands on his waist. 

“Uh huh, you like my surprises.” 

“Yeah… I do.” Ellie admitted with a happy sigh, keeping her hands around her plush and batting her eyelashes as Joel slipped his shoes and his jacket on. “Where are you going?” She asked in a teasing voice, slowly sitting up and resting on her heels. The cushions were soft on her bare feet and even though her body still had mute pain drifting through her nerves, thanks to some pain-killers Joel had traded for and some decent rest, it was slowly decreasing. 

Joel looked up at her, getting her shoes from beside the door and gently slipping them onto her feet. “Well, if… if you take it slow, reckon we can go out for that surprise of mine.” Ellie smiled subtly and she nodded her head, clearly wanting to escape the house. “You gotta be _real-”_

“Careful, I know, I know… I’m fine, Joel. I’m better this time.” Ellie promised, meeting his eyes with a serious switch and sharing the gaze that protruded from her large, animated-like eyes. Dina always told Ellie of her natural beauty and her glowing eyes, but Ellie denied it. After Winter, any self-esteem she’d once had was absolutely shattered. Joel always told her how amazing she was, how smart she was… how proud he was to have her as a daughter… but she didn’t believe any of it.   
“... okay.” Joel nodded, tying her shoe laces and taking his own parka. When they lived outside the walls, especially after Winter, they took comfort in each other’s smells, or signs that the other was there. So, when Ellie needed it, Joel lent her one of his flannels, or his jacket. It always calmed her down, and it made her smiles less rare. “You’ll like this.” Joel promised her, taking her hands as she slowly stood. “Now, you tell me if you need to sit-” 

“Joel, I’m fine.” Ellie smiled sweetly, squeezing his hand and zipping Joel’s jacket around her. Joel nodded, finally opening the door and slowly leading his daughter out of it with her hands interlocked with his. “Y’know, I really do think you’re leading me to my death here, old man.” She joked and he chuckled slightly, shaking his head. The snow had retreated and now that it was Spring, the sky returned to sun. Ellie hated the sun. It was too bright and happy. She liked the rain more… fights were canceled during the rain, back at school. That was why she loved the rain so much. 

Joel had heard of a zoo that Maria assembled in Jackson. Tommy and Maria were cosmically apart, but that was why they worked so well. A yin and yang situation. Tommy was focused on surviving: keeping the settlers alive and nothing else. But Maria, she wanted to make Jackson, not just a settlement, but a _sanctuary._ She wanted it to be somewhere people could _live,_ not just survive. Joel taught Ellie what both of those meant, and he tried to get her to live… not just survive, when Marlene did the opposite. “Alright… here we go.” Joel whispered fondly, looking to a small, ranch-like building that stood before them. It was larger than the barn, but the same shape. There was a fresh-coat of paint on it and Joel had Tommy clear out the building just for that day so that the father and daughter could be alone. 

Ellie had a curious smile on her face and she looked up to Joel, sun highlighting her freckled skin. “What is this place?” She asked him, keeping his hand in hers tightly. It was the first time going out since Faye, but strangely, she wasn’t as scared as she usually would be: she was actually healing this time and that only made her feel better. 

“I dunno, go and find out.” He smiled, pushing her gently and moving her towards the door. Ellie smiled, sliding the barn door open and seeing nothing immediately. However, she _heard_ things. The hum of a beast met her ears and she looked up to Joel, a magical smile on her lips. “What is that?” She asked, giggling and rushing ahead of Joel. He shut the door behind them and watched Ellie trapse down the long corridor, looking for the origin of the sounds. Then, she turned the corner and found the stall of a stable meet her eyes. It was dark for a second, and Joel followed close behind her. “What…” Ellie’s dialogue paused when the outstretched neck of a giraffe came from the stall. It was only a baby, and Tommy went on and on, bragging how he’d saved it while on patrol. 

Ellie’s smile was ecstatic and she looked back to Joel, not knowing what to say. “Go on.” He whispered, gesturing towards the small giraffe and smiling when she obliged, sprinting to the door of the stall and slowly raising her hand up towards the giraffe. 

“Aw… hello.” She whispered softly into its ears, looking up at the giraffe. It had dark eyes that reflected her own person. She smiled at her own image for the first time and brushed the fur of the beast, opening the stall’s door and gently brushing the animal like she did the horses in the ranch. 

“Ellie, be careful.” He warned her, moving towards her and watching as she climbed onto the giraffe, a wild grin curling on her lips. “Ellie, it’s a wild animal-” 

“Yeah, I know, I know.” She rolled her eyes, hugging the giraffe tightly and burying her fingers in its soft fur. The pattern of hexagons littered its body and she smiled, smelling the scent of happiness and childhood drift from its fairly medium-sized body. It let out a high-pitched hum and she smiled, shutting her eyes and just feeling her and the giraffe. 

Joel watched her with a massive grin, seeing the giraffe look back towards her and smell her curiously. Ellie laughed, smiling and burying her face into the fur. _I love you._ Ellie thought, but she didn’t know who she was saying it to. “So… reckon you like this surprise, then?” Joel asked, looking at Ellie’s head as she surfaced from the animal’s fur, laughing and smiling like a true girl… like someone who was her age… it answered his question. 

“I’m going to name him… Bob.” Joel chuckled, brushing the diaphragm of the giraffe and watching Ellie kiss its head lovingly. It was like an oversized toy and she kept her balance by gently holding onto its neck. “I’m riding a _fucking_ giraffe!” She announced, smiling wildly and looking down at the animal. After everything, Winter, the fireflies, Faye, MArlene’s betrayal, _everything,_ here she was: _happy._ It felt weird, being allowed happiness after everything she’d been through… like it was a privilege she once had but wasn’t allowed but now, all of a sudden: it was there. 

That sunny day she asked for, prayed for after all of the trauma Joel and her had been through: that sunny day where they could just be a father and daughter. Ellie then remembered her kiss with Dina and her lips curled upwards even more. For the first time in a _long_ time, it felt like Ellie actually had somewhere to go. Like she belonged… she’d never felt that before… but with Joel beside her, and Dina and Jesse not far away, she actually felt _happy._ But suddenly, the giraffe bucked her off and she was thrown backwards. “Ellie!” Joel caught her, breaking their fall in the hay below the giraffe. He looked down to her, only to find a massive smile in his eyes. “Are you alright?” He asked worriedly and suddenly, she began laughing. 

“‘Am I alright?’ Joel, I just rode a _fucking giraffe_!” Ellie cheered, raising her hands up and letting out a howl. He smiled fondly, watching her lay down in the hay and look up at the dry wood covering the place. “Oh my God, this is your best surprise yet.” Ellie ducked into his arms and hugged him tightly. “I love you so much.” She whispered, a giant smile painted on her face and pure happiness glimmering in her eyes. 

Joel smirked, stroking her back as the giraffe hummed in its cage. Ellie dubbed it ‘Bob’ and she smiled up at the beast, knowing she’d come back to visit it on a daily occasion. “I love you, too.” He whispered, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear and kissing her forehead. Her happiness was glowing on her skin and he smiled to himself. The image of Ellie flickered in his arms and he saw short blonde hair and pale skin. He heard a female’s country accent and piercing gray eyes. Sarah and Ellie’s image fought for dominance and finally, a mixture of them in Joel’s arms. It was Ellie’s body, but part of Sarah was inside her. The voice and eyes were Ellie’s, but Sarah survived in _her. I only need you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before i say anything: thank you to everyone who read this, and THANK YOU to everyone who's been here since the first chapter i posted all the way back in october. this series has become so much to me and i always feel an obligation to make these chapters long because of all the support. it honestly means so much <3 now, those who are coming from part 1, you know how this works. in a week or so, there will be another chapter of the next 'season' on my account. i want to do one more 'mini-series' sort of before i do part two, it won't be as long, and won't have as much of a plot. more so to build relationships and some angst before i cover the massive entity of part 2. part 2 will probably be longer than any other 'season' i've done, since that game has so much more meat to work with on a level of writing. i am kind of proud of how this series has gone so far, and that is entirely because of all the support you guys give me. thanks <3


	27. part 3

hey everyone! first chapter of part three is up now, so go and read that if you want to! it's kinda long -for a first chapter- so have that info. love you guys, see you there!


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